Call me Shimmer. I like vidya games, books, Youtube, sleep, etc. I don't like things that take the fun out of the aforementioned or things that squick me.

EULOGY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He was outlived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

RIP: We shall remember

--Current Favorite Story Clip-

Another laugh. “No. I’m the necessary evil—I cull the weak and the greedy, until only the worthy remain. Selfless heroes, who follow All-Might’s path. Who aren’t slaves to their own egos. Those are the only heroes worth existing.”

“Yeah, I don’t really care,” Izuku answers.

The alley goes dead-quiet. Iida is silent. Even the ghosts say nothing.

Stain’s eyes bore into him. “What?”

“I don’t actually care about why you’re doing this,” Izuku replies, and suddenly it’s a fight to keep the trembling out of his voice. “It doesn’t really matter to me, because… from what I can parse out, what you’re doing is killing people who save lives, just because you don’t like their reasons for saving lives.”

“Ah… A hero fan, are you?” Stain’s blistering scorn lashes at him. “A bright-eyed up-and-comer who thinks they can do no wrong. So naive.”

“I’m naive?” slips out before Izuku can stop it. His fists ache. “Y-You’re imagining a world where all heroes are perfect and never do anything for their own reasons! How is that not naive?”

“That’s what separates the real heroes from the rest of these pathetic phonies!” Stain snarls. “A proper ‘hero’ doesn’t act for his own benefit.”

“Why not? You do.” Izuku can tell he’s starting to get under Stain’s skin. He’s not sure if that’s a good thing or not. “Take now, for instance. You benefit from doing this because you get to pat yourself on the back without actually doing anything helpful.”

“...What.”

“I said you’re full of shit,” Izuku says, a little louder.

“You little brat!” Stain snarls, but Izuku almost doesn’t hear it over the sound of ghostly laughter echoing in the narrow alley.

“Midoriya, get out of here!” Iida’s voice has turned from angry to pleading.

“Your reasons don’t make any sense to me. Sorry.” His hands curl into fists again, and he meets Stain’s eyes with a heated glare. “You talk like having selfish reasons makes people evil, but saving lives will always be a pure good.”

The dead heroes' eyes are all on him. His voice cracks, but he forges ahead.

“And anyone can do it. It doesn’t matter who they are, or where they’re from, or what they’ve done, or why they’re doing it." The shaking stills. He looks at each pale, white-eyed face surrounding the Hero Killer, and stands as tall as he can. "All they have to do is say ‘no.’ All they have to do is say, ‘This is wrong.’” His lips pull back, and it feels more like baring his teeth than smiling. “Anyone. Even thieves and bullies and liars and cowards.”

He steps forward again, directly between Iida and the Hero Killer.

His eyes are dry.

“So this is me, saying ‘no,’" Izuku says. He faces the Hero Killer and braces himself to fight, praying that his message will reach someone. "So help me, if you lay another hand on them, I will break it.”

Stain’s eyes widen. The grin on his face shows a few more teeth than before. “Well. You might just be worth keeping alive after all.”

-Yesterday Upon The Stair by PitViperOfDoom

--Favorite quotes--

"Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. "Mankind." That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it's fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom... Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution... but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night!" We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!"

-President Thomas Whitmore from Independence Day

"This is our harbinger. It brings good tidings.

"We will be dead when it reaches you. Our planet is dying. We do not have time to save ourselves. We only have time to ready ourselves, and to send a message.

"We have seen the signals from those who came before us. They were different, and we still don't really understand them. But if there were those who came before, there may be those who come after. It is in this hope that our harbingers travel.

"One has found you and learned your language so it can relay this message. Please listen.

"The galaxy is dark, and empty, and cold. It spins inevitably toward death. You will die too, one day. Perhaps you will have longer than we have. We hope so. But one day you too must vanish.

"Until that time, you must light the darkness. You must make the night less empty. We are all small, and the universe is vast. But a universe with voices saying "I am here" is far greater than a universe silent. One voice is small, but the difference between zero and one is as great as one and infinity.

"And when your time is passing, please send this message on, so the next voice can speak against the darkness."

-SCP-1281, on the SCP wiki

We do not argue that war is better than peace; we are not so stupid as that. But it is not peace when cruelty reigns, when stronger men steal from farmers and craftworkers, when the child can be enslaved or the old thrown out to starve, and no one lifts a hand. That is not peace: that is conquest, and evil.

- Oath of Gold by Elizabeth Moon

I am the wind that troubles the water;
I am the water, and the waves;
I am the shore where the waves break in rainbows;
I am the sunlight that shines in the spray;
I am the trees that drink in the light;
I am the air of the green-things' breathing;
I am the stone that the trees break asunder;
I am the molten heart of the world-
where will you go? To what place will you wander?
...in vale or on hilltop, still I am there...

Will you sound the sea's depth, or

climb the mountain?

In air or in water, still I am there;
Will the earth cover you? Will the

night hide you?

In deep or in darkness, still I am

there

Will you kindle the nova? Or kill the

starlight?

In fire or in deathcold, still I am there-

"NO!" he cried from somewhere behind the trees, wild, furious, terrified. But Nita felt no fear. It was as it had been in the beginning- all of his "NOs" had never been able to stop Life's I Am.

So You Want to Be a Wizard? by Diane Duane

So rise sun, and set.

Come at me Karma, with all the strength you have.

Betray me world. Fight me, fear me, and harm me.

Waters wash me away.

Fire burn me to ash.

Destroy my body, I will fight with my soul.

For I will absorb all the damage in the world,

For every scratch Hiccup will ever take.

And I will do it a thousand times over.

For I am a dragon.

And I have a rider.

And neither of us is tame.

We will not be broken.

-Strength of a Rider by Panduh-Fox-Love

Yea, though I fly through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I will Fear No Evil. For I am at 60,000 feet and climbing.

-Sign over the SR-71 Wing Ops

“Gentlemen!” declared Dobby in a proud voice, expertly twirling the emerald light. “Let us introduce you to the art of ass-whup.”

-Riddick by Thoraxe357

Dear Papercut;

Ow.

Fuck you.

-Allie Brosh ()

"It's like we're one great big happy megalomaniac family," he sniffed, pretending to sound deeply touched.

The Master laughed, madly and boisterously.

-All According to the Master Plan by TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel

[talking to the unconscious alien he's dragging]

Y'know, this was supposed to be my weekend off, but noooo. You got me out here draggin' your heavy ass, through the burnin' desert, with your dreadlocks stickin' out the back of my parachute. You gotta come down here with an attitude, actin' all big and bad...

[yells]

and what the hell is that smell?

[starts kicking the alien, yelling]

I could've been at a barbecue!

-Captain Steven Hiller from Independance Day

"You perverted spectacles guy!"

-from Asura

The Lifestream courses through our Planet back and forth across the borders of life and death. If that cycle is the very truth of life then history, too, will inevitably repeat itself. So go on - bring your Jenovas and your Sephiroths. It won't matter. We'll do as life dictates and stop you every single time.

-Rufus Shinra from FFVII

"Wow, he sure has a lot of blood."

[sploosh]

"Not any more."

-Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator

Now then...what are the chances that two muscle brained idiots in a 10 by 3 foot boat with all the directional sense of Ryoga Frickin' Hibiki and no provisions can find an island before they starve?

I thought so.

-Logia Luffy: Yami Edition by Wolvenstrom

"Hey, you do you, and I'll do me, and we won't do each other. ...Probably."

-Markiplier

Shut up! Sit your ass down in that chair and DRINK YOUR GODDAMN TEA!

-Cid Highwind from FFVII

No, I don't sparkle in the sunlight. Why do people keep asking me that? It's borderline racist.

-Louie from GaiaOnline

"Namikaze, as in Nami-freaking-Kaze, as in Nami-oh my god it's the Hirashin-kaze?" asked Tenten with awe on her face.

One Winged Angel of the Leaf: Enter Naruto by PurpleNuts

"VEGETA NO BAKA!" suddenly rang out, and Akane swung a really large mallet at the Saiyan Prince.

-A ledgend reborn by Trugeta

Don't look at me with that tone of voice!

-unknown

The 'Going-Invisible' thing had been an accident, almost. 'So, you claim you're a ghost? Why should we believe you?' Fwoosh, invisibile. '…Pretty convincing argument, I have to admit. Are you still there?' Fwoosh, visible. He hadn't exactly meant to do it, but some things were sort of instinctual at this point. Apparently his sense of snark had developed a life of its own.

-Unautorized Access by Ysabet

"This is why it's always a bad idea to meet yourself, like this." the Doctor said, a bit too cheerfully, "You realize what an ass you used to be. Or will become, whichever."

"You speaking from experience?" the younger Jack asked.

"Yes. There was one memorable occasion when there were five of me at the same time. It was horrible."

-Too Many Jacks by Bad Werewolf

"I recognize that the council has made a decision, but given that it's a stupid-ass decision, I've elected to ignore it."

-Nick Fury in The Avengers

The Ori were a major thorn in the side of the USA government, Homeworld Security, SGC, and all freedom-loving peoples in the universe who had the GRAVE misfortune to ever run into these crusading fanatics. The relevant USA government secret ops and their foreign allies in the International Oversight Agency had managed to also jab thorns right into the Ori's figurative sides too. Yup, the Ori had realized that the Tauri (Earth humans) were very resilient and had become even determined to remove this bothersome thorn, preventing them from dominating the poor victimizable cultures of the milky way galaxy

-Tauri Furling: First Contact and Alliance by StargateFFWriter

[TV news anchor reporting]

Once again, the L.A.P.D. is asking Los Angelenos not to fire their guns at the visitor spacecraft. You may inadvertently trigger an interstellar war.

-from Independence Day

Disclaimer: I do not own 'James Bond', 'The Simpsons', 'The Flintstones' and 'The Sixth Sense'. If you are under the delusion that I do own them, then please run into the nearest available wall to rearrange your brain-cells. If you are underage then please ask permission from your parents or guardians before running into the previously discussed wall. My beta recommended using a brick wall to avoid damage to the innocent wall.

-Yunaine

"We're playing soccer; you any good?"

"What's soccer?" It sounded like a game Dudley would have asked him to play.

"Wait, you have soccer in England."

"I've never heard of it."

"You know. There's a ball, and you can't touch it with your hands, except for the goalies."

"Oh, you mean football."

"No, football's the one with tackling."

"Well that's rugby."

"Rugby?"

-Isis' Bane: A New Home by althor42

Let's just say I made a deal with a certain fox demon and boom, I got to leave that hell hole before some one-eyed psychopath blew up our planet, by crashing the fucking moon into the atmosphere. No one ever said Uchiha Madara was sane.

-Ninjas Can't Catch You If You're On Fire by ZeroTheDestroyer

The mothership is calling for me

-Blue from Cyber Blue

I heard an American phrase recently—"off your rocker." It does not apply to you. You, my lord, are not merely off your rocker; you have managed to leap from your rocker, smash it to bits on the porch, and then cha-cha your way across the yard where you fell into a well, singing "A Cauldron Full of Hot, Strong Love" on the way down.

-PS: I Hate You by TwiLyght Sans Sparkles

Sephiroth made a choked noise of exasperation. "Whoever told you life was fair?" The boy was Strife, he decided, as he grabbed one shoulder and spun him around. Chocobo Head was too empty-headed to give him such headaches, and the chocobo was fluffy and lovable. So this was Strife, and he wasn't sure which one was going to give him an aneurism first. "Rule number one to Sephiroth's Guide to Life: life is not fair. So play dirty."

Strife blinked.

"Rule number two: When the men in white coats come calling for you – and they will, I've no doubt of that – don't call the place they're taking you to the land of magic white straitjackets. It only makes them drive faster."

"Trust him on that one," chimed in a voice from the collective conscious of the Lifestream, "He's speaking from experience."

-Why Waist Length? by Silver Pard

"Yaaaaayyy, bishies! ... Shit, I'm getting infected!"

-me

Real Daleks don't climb stairs; they level the building.

-unknown

Frog? No_

HIPPO

-Shirt logo in One piece by Eichiro Oda

I challenged? I was fifteen months old you cretin. You came to kill a toddler and couldn't even manage that.

-Souls Abound by robst

"I'm glad you like your gift Orochimaru, I hope he brings you pain and suffering."

-Tsunade in UchihaItachi6660's Naruto Online Chat

Quirking an eyebrow, the Copycat sat for his debriefing. An experience that would emotionally scar him more than the Third Great Ninja War and Team Seven combined.

-Escape from the Hokage's Hat by anothvortex

"David Motherfucking Bowie!"

-LittleKuriboh's parody of Naruto: The Abridged Series

"That's right, Dad. Let's humiliate the man who can set the place on fire with his mind." Rufus sighed. "What an ass. He can't be my father. Please, someone tell me I'm a bastard."

"You're a bastard, Rufus," Scarlet obliged.

"Thank you, insufferable demon-worshiping bitch."

-This Army Life by Nicolle

Orochimaru's reference to the chakra spike "boiling space" is actually based on one of Einstein's theories wherein he speculated that people could travel to other universes if they were able to boil space. He was referring to outer space, but I tweaked the idea to my own means. That's right – I combined Naruto with theoretical physics. I'm just that awesome.

-Agent Malkere

All the Jounin flinched. Try saying that when you get sent The Look by Namikaze Uzumaki Naruto.

"But, but The Look…." Stuttered Kakashi.

Hiruzen gave them the Evil Eye. It was the older brother of The Look.

-One Winged Angel of the Leaf: Enter Naruto by PurpleNuts

"That's what happens when you try to assassinate a Kage." Sarutobi said as he summoned Enma in his staff form, Naruto pulled out one of his puppet scrolls, Jiraiya formed a Rasengan, the Kazekage pulled out his spear, and the Raikage activated the jutsu that sped up his nervous system.

Orochimaru could do nothing except say, "Oh shit."

-Demon on Puppet Strings by ragnorokrising

Shukaku? KILL. KILL, KILL!! WHAT DO YOU WANT!! Kyuubi says hi …….SHIT!!

-Kyuubi's Apprentice by Narutowuzhere

Chaya frowned and let it go, sending a mental note of 'Assholes' to the group of other ascended that was consistently watching her and Harry.

-Oma's Choice by jacobds

Don't tell me the sky's the limit, when there's footprints on the moon!

-unknown

Harry groaned. "I thought we had a nice mutual arrangement there, Professor— I keep Neville from blowing up your classroom and you don't take out any personal grudges on me…" he sighed. Snape closed the door behind him with a snap.

-Time Warp by Kittenn1011

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to exit the doughnut."

-Nick Fury in Iron Man 2

May your pockets always be filled to overflowing and your enemies delicious when served at your table.

-Harry Potter and the Science of Magic by Newhobby

"I'm hungry! It feels like there are little demons clawing their way up my throat!"

"I'm used to the demons... They've built handles!"

-IronIris and me (in reverse order)

"So here we are, with main power offline, staring down the barrels of two motherships." Harry stated to his audience. The audience consisted of Teal'c, Jack, Sam, Daniel, Dr. Fraiser, Jacob Carter and General Hammond. "we were hailed in the name of Her'ur, and asked who we were, and the space monkey here replies in Goa'uld, 'Greetings, this is the great and powerful Oz!" Harry stated cracking up. Daniel ducked his head a little in embarrassment while everyone else chuckled a bit. "Next thing we know some Goa'uld is on the line asking who this great and powerful Oz is, and to yield and prepare to be boarded, then Daniel goes and says the great and powerful Oz orders you to yield." Harry laughed, "surprisingly, their confusion, and the arguing we could hear between the jaffa about who this Oz could be gave us just enough time to fix the engines and escape." Harry finished.

-Harry Potter and the Next Great Adventure by AmateurFanfic

Now that he had a clan, and one with a bloodline to boot, he was going to be able to stick it to everyone who'd ever sneered down at him, said he was worthless. He was head of a clan now, and that meant he had a seat on the council. If those assholes thought he was a pain in the ass as a prankster, he was going to be their worst nightmare now that he was in government.

-Making Uzumaki by PsyckoSama

"Yeah, just me," Soul said sheepishly, plopping down on the cream couch. "My family is pretty well off, so my parents got this for me as a sort of 'congratulations, you're a deadly weapon' present."

-Control by glorysmile

Iruka wondered about Naruto's new behaviour and new intellect. Then again, having a shuriken shoved in your intestines would change anyone, even Sasuke. Iruka Paused his musings.

Ok, maybe not Sasuke.

-One Winged Angel of the Leaf: Enter Naruto by PurpleNuts

When life gives you lemons, squeeze them and make champagne. Let the morons around you gape like children in a circus at the trick and break their heads how the fuck you did it, while your sexy assistant robs them blind with a smile.

-Reload by Case13

“Uh.. sensei?” said Tenten after raising her hand. “Whats D-rank missions?”

Gai smirked. GAI SMIRKED WHICH SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF HIS STUDENTS. “Oh… you’ll find out.”

-The Kageken Specialist by WritingAgain

"Bah, there is no overkill, only kill." Harry replied.

-Agent Double 0 Hex by KafkaExMachina

"I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight."

Zoë's eyes widened. "You've died?"

Sam nodded solemnly. "A couple times. Not nearly as often as Jack or Daniel. But one of those times was actually from an incident that happened on base. It just goes to show that it's a very dangerous job. You need to consider that carefully."

-The Universal Tendencies of Super Geniuses by CubsKing

I have heard a Dalek say "bloody hell". My life is complete.

-SlytherclawXD on Youtube (Let's see if a link will work!)

"Dude I'm going to kick your ass so bad not even my English dub counterpart would be able to believe it." Naruto said while Sakura looked at him in astonishment.

"Dude that was Cold." That had to be the worst insult she ever heard from her blonde teammate.

-Naruto: life is a Game by rebukex7

Snape glared at Harry. "Tell me boy, why did the hat put you in Gryffindor instead of Slytherin?"

Harry shrugged, feeling rather magnanimous. "Body count, sir."

Snape nodded. "I'd suspected as much. I still loath you; just so you know."

"The feeling is mutual, I assure you," Harry replied.

-Agent Double 0 Hex by KafkaExMachina

Unit-01 grabbed it in a flying tackle. Buildings in their way crumpled into rubble. Its eyes glowed with primal fury. As the Angel stood up, the Eva got it right at what passed for its jaw. Backhand across the same place, sending the Angel reeling. Hard punches right over its face. Knifelike palm thrusts to just below the ribs. More and more wild punches. Finishing off with a shinbone groin crushing kick extravaganza. The Angel had no expression and no genitalia, but one could almost see a 'gleep?' on its bonelike mask.

-Shinji and Warhammer40k by Charles Bhepin

"Oi, we forgot Fenrir!" the stranger cried. "Take us back for my bike!" Kanzeon Bosatsu snapped her fingers and the motorcycle appeared. Then surprisingly it transformed into a wolf pup. Fenrir, in puppy form, woofed happily and bounded over to his Alpha. Cloud gaped at his motorcycle's wagging tail and slobbering tongue. "Fenrir?" He was barked at and he blinked. He looked at the goddess. He turned a bright red. "THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY MOTORCYCLE!" he screeched.

-Delivery Boy in Shangri La by Diaphanous

"Until such time as the world ends, we will act as though it intends to spin on."

-Nick Fury in The Avvengers

"It seems I was a bit too unspecific in my instructions to the jewel device," said Harry with an evil looking grin. "I asked it to download what I needed…and it interpreted that rather liberally."

"What do you mean?" asked Mayborne.

"Say hello to the entire NID database," said Harry gesturing to the jewel device.

"You're kidding," said Jack in surprise.

"Nope," said Harry, "I think it's safe to say that the NID will be backing off."

-Harry Potter: An Ancient's Journey by keiranhalcyon2010

Irons can’t believe the ineptitude of that idiot Inuzuka!

-The Marauders by 30CK

Hawkeye can’t help but hire harlots to whore out to hounds of hentai.

-The Marauders by 30CK

Sparky spies on shinobi and slices sushi when he sends scrolls to Sensei.

-The Maraudersby 30CK

Spitfire spits fuckin’ fire

-The Marauders by 30CK

"What could possibly go wrong?"

-Famous Last Words

Pronto, but you're doing the dealing, I have no plans on dealing with a demon. They have better lawyers.

-Pharcyd3 on DevArt

The Uzumaki family (plus one very annoyed Uchiha) came across a small village one afternoon. Harley decided that they would spend the night at the inn. Itachi ordered his own room and paid for it himself. Joker decided that Naruto should have his own room as well, and Harley hesitantly agreed. Naruto seemed a little worried, but then Harley eased his fears.

"Naruto, you do realize you are scarier than anything that might try to get to you in the dark, right?"

"Good point. Goodnight, Kaa-san!"

-The Laughing Fox by Lord Dragon Claw

Kate: Are you sayin’ we got rebooted?

Henry: Uh-huh. I am definitely havin’ a Vista moment.

-from Sanctuary

"You're missing the point, there's no throne. There is no version of this where you come out on top. Maybe your army comes and maybe it's too much for us but it's all on you. Cause if we can't protect the Earth, you can be damn well sure we'll avenge it."

-Tony Stark in The Avengers

Having lightning going through your torso is not a good memory. If that ever happened to him in real life, he'd shove Masamune somewhere unpleasant ( or pleasant depending on the individuals preference.)

At the Uchiha Complex:

'Must kill Itachi, Must Kill Itachi' chanted an mentally unstable Sasuke Uchiha.

The universe shifted.

'Must not piss of Naruto, Must not piss of Naruto' he thought nervously.

Sometimes, karma isn't a bitch.

Sometimes.

-One Winged Angel of the Leaf: Enter Naruto by PurpleNuts

"You think?!" Harry answered, barely lifting his head off the table, "What convinced you to start with how to build a giant freeze ray and to talk about how it all works. My brain feels like it's about to explode! …and don't say that's impossible, because I don't feel like arguing what is or isn't possible."

-Two's a Crowd: The Beginning by The Writing Therapist

Snape nodded, then pointed a stern look at Harry. “Refrain from wandering off, little person.”

-Time Meant Nothing, Never Would Again by Monopoly

"Your stupidity is blinding. Please turn it off"

Silence is golden, duck-tape is sliver

-unknown

Hinata cocked her head. "I… I'm well versed in formal dining."

"Can you incapacitate somebody with a spoon?"

Ino gawked. Tenten stared. Hinata was left blinking. "Um, no?"

"Then ya ain't well versed enough." Ranma countered, but smiled. "But you can probably help me out with these two."

"My calligraphy is very good!" Ino blurted and Ranma shared a knowing smile with her.

"Mine can cut through walls."

-Tales of the FoxCat by Ozallos

"So this is what it's like to be a kindergarten teacher."

-from Bones

“Alas! I am slain!” Kakashi said as shuriken chain cut him in two.

“Nice try, but the log was already dead,” Sasuke said flatly.

-It's For a Good Cause, I Swear! by Sarah1281

"Food is essential to life, therefore, make it good."

-S. Truett Cathy

“My pleasure. A martial artist's duty is to defend the weak. A martial artist's pleasure is to bust open twat face. The Amazons have a similar creed, do they not, Cologne?”

The Girl Who Loved by Darth Drafter

“Your voice is far too loud for the occasion, Kiba.”

-The Marauders by 30CK

It should be noted that, while a former disciple of fate, Neji was completely unaware of its cousin Murphy. As he was about to learn, anything that could go wrong, was about to go wrong in spades.

-Escape from the Hokage's Hat by anothvortex

"I dunno what the hell's in there, but it's wierd and pissed off whatever it is."

And so, the Society for the Promotion of Understanding of Dementors (or SPUD for short) was born.

-All The Dementors of Azkaban by LifeWriter

And then Snape told little Harry all about magic (“It’s like physics, only without all those pesky laws”), magical government (“Just as bad as muggle government, but with more pesky laws”), and the truth about his parents.

-Time Meant Nothing, Never Would Again by Monopoly

"There's no fire escape in hell, so don't go there!"

-a church sign

She doesn't die. Like, really, being healed by a curaga is like kami slapping you in the face and telling you to wake up.

-PurpleNuts

"What are you smoking?"

"Tacos!"

-IronIris and me (in reverse order again)

Severus Snape couldn’t help but laugh. He was alive, Voldemort was pissed, and Harry Potter should’ve been a Slytherin.

-Beast Lord by Ceres K.

Kabuto was seen chasing after him. “Orochimaru-sama, don’t forget your medication!”

-The Naruto Omake Files: Innortal Style by Innortal

'Yes, yes, it's on the mantelpiece in the urn. No, not that one, that's Grandmother, the floo powder's in the maroon one.'

-Mrs Figg in HandMeDown Clothes by Quilich

"Somebody ate Doug?"

-from Bones

"Let me, Baachan. Lee taught me to speak a little Youth". Naruto cleared his throat.

'I'll need a wash after this, I just know it'.

"Gai-Sensei, our Youthful Hokage wishes you to train me. My Flames of Youth have recently flared into a conflagration beyond my ability to control. Your Youthful Training skills are needed to restore my Youthfulness to balance".

'I feel so dirty'.

"There, there kit. It'll be ok".

"Ah! I see!" cried the exuberant jounin as understanding dawned. "Of course I shall train you! Arrive at training ground seventeen after your team meeting and I shall begin your Youthful Training. I shall now go and prepare! By your leave, Hokage-sama?"

Gai bounded from the room at Tsunade's wordless not, passing a stunned-looking Shizune in the corridor.

"You have a gift for languages, huh Naruto?" Tsunade queried in a slightly vacant tone.

"I don't wanna talk about it."

-Oops by Smylingsnake

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.

-unknown

"... and old psychotic people are just plain funny!"

-a friend of mine

"Edward is a 108-year-old virgin so he's obviously got issues."

“I could kill you in one of seven different vital areas in under a second without you realizing. I'd suggest you reconsider that remark.”

-Naruto to Tazuna Living Behind a Mask-Synica

"We love theology, we love apologetics, and we love heretics- because they taste good! [/sarcasm]"

-Pastor Mark Driscoll

"There is a fine line between sanity and insanity and I have white out."

-EroSlackerMicha

“My name is Uzumaki Naruto, and the impossible is my specialty!”

-from Konoha no Aoikaen by Agayek