Author's notes:I LIVE. And also, I haven't abandoned this story. It was just on a long, loooooooong, hiatus. I love how much everyone is loving Yuusuke's horrible little monsters - er, I mean, offspring.

o-o-o

o-o-o-o

o-o-o-o-o

Minamino was leading them through a deserted corner of Toonland when his cell phone briefly played a discordant jingle. He immediately stopped everyone when he raised his hand, and then slid the cell out of his pocket. "Pardon me – I've just received an urgent text." He frowned as he read the text, and then tapped a reply. As he waited for a response, Hilda yanked Shura away before he could poke at the lump of garbage that Hideo was kicking.

"They found out what's been making your mother so sick," Minamino told Hideo after the response came back.

Hideo's face crumpled. "Is she going to be all right, Uncle Shuuichi? This last pregnancy seems to have really messed her up."

"Sounds like she and the baby will pull through without a problem." Minamino's fingers flashed across the buttons. "But the hospital wants to keep her overnight for observation, and your father wants to stay with her." He studied Hilda for a moment, unsmiling for once. "I told you that I would talk Botan into giving you a fifty credit bonus – would you like another fifty credits on top of that?"

After the day that Hilda just had, she was ready to wash her hands of the entire DMVI. She was also pretty sure that there wouldn't be much of a world left for Baby Be'el to destroy once Hideo and Shura got a little older, so she was seriously considering the notion of taking a long vacation in a distant part of the Makai with Baby Be'el. "Depends on what it is and how long it will take. I'm uncomfortable being separated so long from my Lord." Actually, it wasn't the separation from Baby Be'el that bothered her – it was the fact that Oga was very likely to once more endanger Baby Be'el in a nearly impossible-to-believe situation if Hilda wasn't there to put a stop to it.

Although, come to think of it, her presence didn't seem to be much of a deterrent in the past.

"I can take this one," Minamino pointed at Shura, who was picking his nose, "to his father if you want to take the other two to the Urameshi household. Toukan's cousin is currently there right now watching after the other children, but he has to leave soon. Shiziru-san said she'd swing by after her evening shift is done, but that won't be until nearly midnight. All you have to do is make sure that the children are safe and in bed by the time Shirizu-san arrives." After a moment, Minamino added, "You may even bring along your Contractor and charge, if you feel that you've been separated for too long."

"Hey!" Hideo planted her fists on her hips and puffed her cheeks out indignantly. "I can take care of my sisters without any help!"

Minamino eyed her. "The house was simultaneously nearly burnt down and flooded the last time you were left alone without any adult supervision."

"We had adult supervision! Jin and Touya were there. And the whole burnt and soggy house was not my fault. Jin was an absolute idiot and tried to microwave a can of pickled mackerel, and then Touya tried to put the fire out with a gigantic block of ice, which crushed the kitchen. Even the twins know that you aren't supposed to smother fire with ice!"

"You and your sisters were making s'mores by the time Kuwabara and I got there."

"What else were we supposed to do? Huddle out on the streets like a bunch of homeless bums? That can of mackerel was supposed to be dinner anyway, and we were hungry."

Minamino turned a pleading look upon Hilda.

"What would this particular mission have to do with building relationships between demons and humans?" Hilda asked suspiciously. She didn't find it odd that Minamino had the power to offer credits when he was just 'a humble human', given that he was apparently close enough to Urameshi Yuusuke that Minamino could be trusted with Urameshi's young children in an emergency.

Hilda had a soft spot in her heart for nepotism, after all.

"Admittedly, it's more about having a standing house for Yuusuke and his wife's return from the hospital. The Urameshi family is a powerful ally for any demon to have. Yuusuke is in good standing with the rulers of the Renkai and the Makai so it would serve you well to be in his good graces."

Hilda certainly hoped that Raizen's grandson was in good standing with both the former and current rulers of the Makai. There wouldn't be much of any world remaining if Raizen's grandson was at odds with Mukuro or Youko Kurama. Hilda growled as she studied Hideo. Hideo and Shura had shoved their shoulders together and were trying to kick each other's feet out from beneath the other person. Their kicking raised a cloud of dust that made Toukan cough as his eyes watered. "I'll have a full hundred and fifty credits by the end of this day?"

She wondered just how boring and dull the other missions were, if they only regularly earned three to six credits a piece. Sometimes, boring and dull were underrated.

"I promise."

"Fine." Hilda, after side-eying Toukan and Shura, turned her shoulders away from them and dug around in her cleavage for her cell. After obtaining the address from Hideo, she sent Oga a text to meet her at the Urameshi household. After a moment of consideration, she also texted him to bring homework. It probably wouldn't get done while she was breathing down the back of his neck, but she also knew that homework was woefully neglected anyway when Oga was left to his own devices.

oOoOoOoOo

"So, your father and Minamino-kun have known each other for years?" Hilda asked Hideo as they rode the train from Tokyo-Disney. Toukan was curled up in his seat, lightly dozing. Hideo was on her knees with her face pressed against the glass, drawing gruesome stick figures on the fogged surface.

"Yup. I've known Uncle Shuuichi all my life. Papa and him go way back to when they were teenager delinquents. Well, Papa was. I guess Uncle Shuuichi was a goody-two-shoes in school."

"Has your uncle always been strange?"

Hideo shifted in her seat, sliding her legs out to lean back against the hard vinyl. She studied Hilda with a sidelong-gaze, unusually cautious. Then she shrugged. "Nah – Uncle Shuuichi is pretty cool. See, Papa had to bail out of the last Makai tournament because Mama went into labor with the twins, and he knew that she probably would have to have a C-section. So Botan-san got sent off to tell Papa about the news, and I hitched along for a ride because I always wanted to see the Makai. Papa got so flustered about the whole thing that he didn't notice me in the excitement, so I was ditched when he and Botan-san took off on her oar." Hideo drummed her heels against the floor and grinned. "Uncle Shuuichi let me hang out in the Makai for two whole weeks!"

Hilda wondered what that said about Hideo's parents, that they probably didn't realize that their own daughter was missing and hanging with another human in the Makai for two weeks. But she nodded her head and murmured encouragement to Hideo to continue speaking.

"See, there's always a lot of changes when they switch Kings. At least, I guess there is – it's only every ten years now, because one of the earlier Kings figured that every three years wasn't enough time to fix all the damage to the countryside that the tournaments cause – so I wouldn't really know about the process. I hung with Uncle Shuuichi while they were making the changes, but I couldn't hang with him all the time because I was just a kid, you know? Look, I was eight when the twins were born, so I mostly spent my time hanging out with Shura during the boring meetings, but he had to do stuff with his dad, so I also got to hang with a lot of the tournament losers, like Chu.

"After about a week, Mukuro-san took me under her wing because Shishi burned off my ponytails. Mama would've had a conniption. So I stayed a lot with Mukuro-san, especially at night, since Uncle Shuuichi said I couldn't sleep in his room. Something about assassins. Mukuro-san is my idol. I want to be just like her when I go up." Hideo turned a wistful eye upon the subway's window. Lights blazed past as they sped through the tunnel. "I want to go back," she whispered, longing in her voice.

The puzzle that was Minamino Shuuichi was starting to make sense in Hilda's mind. Youko Kurama was the current All-King of Makai, and she had heard rumors that Kurama had been a comrade-in-arms with Urameshi Yuusuke during the infamous final Black Tournament. They had even become friends – well, as much as a thousand-year-old thieving, fickle trickster would permit anyone to be friends; Hilda had enough sour experiences with fox demons to know that they weren't particularly trustworthy.

Urameshi Yuusuke was the common denominator here – Hilda could only guess that Yuusuke introduced Minamino to Youka-sama, and Youka-sama must've realized the valuable insight that Minamino could offer, since he was a human who seemed quite underwhelmed by demons. Youka-sama had expanded the DMKI program to what it was today. It stood to reason that Minamino had gone to the All-Makai tournament to support his friend, Urameshi, and stayed at the behest of the new All-King, who had ambitious plans for the future.

Hilda usually didn't pay much attention to politics – her very nature indicated that she focused her attention upon her charge. However, in order to protect her charge, Hilda realized that she needed to understand what she was getting involved with.

Urameshi had enemies; some of them were formerly Raizen's enemies, and some were those who resented Urameshi's intrusion and influence in creating the All-Makai tournament in the first place. Youko Kurama had enemies as well – one didn't get to be a thousand years old without stepping on toes hither and yon. And she was currently the one creature responsible for Hideo's safety and well-being.

After a brief moment of silence, Hilda switched seats so she could sit a little closer to Hideo. All the better to which to shield the fragile human body from possible assassination. Hideo leaned sideways so her head could rest against Hilda's shoulder.

"You smell like the Makai," Hideo whispered. "Do you miss it?"

Hilda was silent for a brief moment, thinking about modern human technology, modern human food, and all the sticky, stinky messes that humans made, before she answered: "With every passing moment."

oOoOoOoOo

Oga wasn't too sure what Hilda was up to, but he was pretty sure that it wasn't worth him getting stuck staring at Natsume's I've-been-smoking-weed-in-the-boy's-locker-room smile as twin hellions attempted to explain Puu to Baby Be'el. And, apparently, stage a military assault against a battalion of mismatched Barbies that appeared to have been dismantled, and then poorly put back together with the wrong doll parts.

Natsume was notorious for being quiet and standing at the sidelines at school, and he didn't seem all that keen on changing his habits as he sipped his pretend-tea and nibbled on his pretend-cookies(made from genuine purple Playdoh, which meant it was a definite upgrade from Hilda's cooking).

Bored, Oga focused his attention on the oldest of the children present. He couldn't remember her name, although he knew it was male, because that much managed to burn its way in his poorly-functioning memory cortex. There was something incongruent with how she was dressed up in a traditional kimono – deep purple with bright golden phoenixes embroidered on her sleeves and obi, with her hair pulled up elaborately. In contrast, the hellions looked like they had rolled around in every mud puddle they could find within walking distance of the house, and then got interrupted tearing off each other's clothes in a death match. He still wasn't even sure how that happened – they had been wearing clean pajamas when he arrived with Baby Be'el and algebra homework on tow.

Purple Kimono-chan had welcomed him into the home and declared that Oga was needed as a guest for her tea ceremony. Oga had told her that real men don't drink tea in silly tea ceremonies.

Natsume's smile had taken on a razor-sharp edge, and Purple Kimono-chan firmly told Oga that real men weren't threatened by a little girl's fake tea ceremony, so suck it up, buttercup. With such a challenge issued against his manhood, that was how Oga found himself precariously trying not to fall off the world's smallest stool as he sat with his knees up to his ears, in the dubious company of Natsume, two stuffed rabbits, one My Little Pony Twinketoes Something-or-another, and an ugly little goblin no larger than Baby Be'el that was, in fact, an actual living, breathing, ugly little goblin. After Puu, not a whole lot was going to surprise Oga about this family.

It was still way better than having to do his homework.

The ugly little goblin looked as unhappy as Oga felt. "I thinks this is an unfair punishments," it grumbled. "I puts the rings backs, didn't I?" The goblin had a nasally voice and claws that were almost as long as its gangly arms.

Purple Kimono-chan merely smiled. "More tea, Kappa-san?"

The goblin twitched. "I'm not a kappas. How many times do I has to tell ya thats?"

Oga had never seen a kappa before, but he knew enough to probably agree with the little goblin, because it didn't have webbed hands or feet, it lacked scales, and the only thing that smelled fishy was the situation – figuratively speaking, at least. Oga was under the impression from Natsume that the last time the Urameshi Mini-Monsters had been left to their own devices, an entire apartment complex had gone up in soggy smoke over a can of pickled mackerel.

Oga didn't feel sorry for Not-Kappa-san though. Natsume had caught it red-handed trying to steal Mrs Urameshi's necklaces. After being firmly told that it had trespassed into the lair of Raizen's grandson – whoever the hell that was – the little goblin threw itself at Natsume's feet to grovel for forgiveness. Natsume would've crushed it into a greasy pulp if Purple Kimono-chan hadn't declared that she needed it also as a guest for her tea ceremony. Natsume plopped Not-Kappa-san in the place of a mechanical Godzilla dressed in a tutu, and said that he would slowly rip off each claw and the scissors beak if it tried to scratch anyone or escape the tea ceremony.

Baby Be'el had come to terms with the idea that he couldn't keep Puu, and seemed to be getting along well with the hellions. Oga also couldn't remember their names or tell them apart, so he had mentally dubbed them Thing 1 and Thing 2. Thing 1 (who may actually be Thing 2 – the twins sure moved fast) was babbling about how they were supposed to create a castle from the building blocks. Thing 2 (or 1) was trying to comb the black tuft of hair sticking out of Puu's head. Baby Be'el concentrated on the directions and nodded his head.

"How long do these tea ceremonies last?" Oga asked.

Natsume shrugged. "Who can say?"

Oga eyed him; Natsume seemed awfully comfortable with his own itsy-bitsy stool and miniature tea cup. "How often do you do these?"

Natsume ran his fingers through his hair. "Oh, probably once or twice a month."

Purple Kimono-san smiled and passed Natsume another Playdoh cookie. "Natsume-san is a very kind patron."

Natsume's smile was deceptively gentle as he saluted the little goblin with his tea cup. "My mother has always taught me to make love, not war."

Not-Kappa-san grumbled. "Sure could've fooled me."

"A tragic side effect of surviving summers under the tender tutelage of my uncle and his mentor, Genkai."

Not-Kappa looked at Natsume with horror. "Oh. I is so very sorries."

"What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. As you can see, I have survived, and I am in one piece."

Not-Kappa patted Natsume's knee in sympathy, careful with its claws. "I heard stories of the She-Beast. What a terrible ways to raise childrens." Not-Kappa shook its head and shuddered into its tea. "Terrible, terrible stories."

"Alas. The stories cannot convey the true terror of Genkai-sama. However, it is a point in her favor that she treats humans and demons with the same dignity and respect – she doesn't discriminate one way or another… Once you earned the respect, which is easier said than done."

Oga had no idea of who this Genkai was, but if she terrified Natsume, she may be a viable candidate to pawn Baby Be'el onto. He strongly considered picking a fight with Natsume so Baby Be'el could go to him (Natsume apparently hung out at the Urameshi household often enough that Baby Be'el could be, like, a step-cousin to the miniature terrors that were Thing 1 and Thing 2), but Purple Kimono-san might get upset. So he would have to do lose a fight in the most subtle, sneaky way he could think of.

Oga's plans on how to trip and fall face-first onto Natsume's fist was foiled by the arrival of Hideo, Hilda, and some nauseated-looking weirdo with red eyes.

"You should get that checked out," Hideo told the weirdo. "It isn't contagious, is it?" He had heard horror stories of the dreaded pink eye from the other mothers at the playground.

The weirdo drew up short, looking mortified as he touched his face.

Natsume slapped Oga upside his head. "That's his natural eye color." And then, to Hideo and Weirdo-san," Did you have a good time at Tokyo-Disney?"

Hideo huffed as she kicked her boots off with so much force they dented the wall where all the shoes were kept. The wall was already dented in multiple places. "Oh, it was great. We rode some rides, ate a bunch of food, poked a dead rat, Shiro burned down Toon Town. The usual adventures whenever Toukan and Shiro and I hang out."

"Any casualties this time?" Natsume asked.

She bristled defensively. "This time?"

"Well—"

"No." Hideo held up her hand to stop Natsume from speaking. "Technically, that zombie was already a casualty, being dead and all, before Shiro and I dismantled it. It doesn't count."

The weirdo sat down to pull his shoes off. "What zombie?" he asked.

"Last year, when Shiro was doing some extra training with Papa and his buddies in the Makai. He brought me along instead of signing me up for football camp with you. This one demon got infected with some rare spores. The spores ate his brain and hijacked the body as some kind of alien host."

Red eyes went wide. "Why did you and Shiro have to dismantle it?"

"Because Papa wanted me to have some practice on how much physical strength is needed to rip off limbs." She shrugged, as if this was a perfectly reasonable thing to practice. "It's good to know one's own strength."

Oga debated whether he should make an exception to his personal rule of never fighting girls – Hideo was definitely hitting all the markers for someone who Baby Be'el could attach himself to. And just because Urameshi wasn't human enough to become Baby Be'el's Contractor, Oga bet that Urameshi would be delighted to train a grandson… (Oga conveniently didn't think of how irritated Urameshi might be that his preteen daughter would unexpectedly become a teenaged mother.)

"Yes," agreed Purple Kimono-chan. "You never know when you'll need to be able to rip someone's arms off and beat them to death with the bloody stumps. Our dear father," she told Not-Kappa-san, her voice light and sweet, "has taught us many important life skills. Papa recently taught me how to eviscerate anyone with a chopsticl, if they touch me or my sisters inappropriately."

"Your papa taught me that, too," Natsume declared, far too cheerfully.

Not-Kappa-san gulped and tried to hide behind its teacup.

"Why," began Hilda, "is there a kamikiri having tea with you?"

Oga looked at his partners at the tea table. "…Who?"

"Me," grumbled the Not-Kappa-san.

"Oh."

"And why," here, Hilda began looking at the disheveled twins, who had somehow managed to create a fortress out of blocks, fully mounted nerf guns as ballistic weaponry, wrapped the entire premise with barbed wire fence, and perched a pot of boiling water from the tallest turret, "isn't anyone in bed yet?"

Where the hell did the pot of boiling water come from? (Hideo yelled at her sisters for trying to "destroy the structural integrity of the house again!", and then hauled the pot off to the kitchen as the twins threw themselves on the floor and screamed in a tantum-protest.)

Natsume smiled sheepishly as he gracefully stood upright. "That would be my fault, Hilda-san. I was supposed to read them a story, but I'm afraid that I was distracted by the most delicious cookies."

Oga dunked his Playdoh cookie in his make-believe tea, and then nibbled on it. Yup, still way better than Hilda's cooking.