As I'm getting older I'm coming to realize more and more against both my will and ego that I am human, ergo I am not perfect. I am bound to make mistakes, break promises and be a asshole(whether because I've become that twisted or for self amusement is up for debate). That doesn't mean I won't write and tell stories however. I just hope I get better as time wears on as I try to entertain you all to the best of my ability as all writers should.

On a side note, if any of you are reading this to the end... I have made off with your attention. No refunds (or soup) for you!

Very much belated on my part but I feel I need to speak up after the passing of my favorite government teacher from High School who also owned a business, a pizza shop, that he also worked at whenever he wasn't teaching. When he eventually retired from teaching he worked full time at his own store. I didn't even know he died earlier this year, 2019, until a week later after the fact.

I would like to make it known that I do this as a way of trying to preserve his memory of better times, of teachers I actually liked than the ones we all eventually came across that made our own particular experiences in school from elementary to high school wanting. That and a bit of hope. I guess also a part of me does this as a bit of American pride. I however do not state the following as a political view, to scam others. If nothing else I hope to semi-immortalize this in the off chance that someone would find the willpower to either act on it or at least consider it for a bit.

My teacher in his own low key way stated his concern for our growing national debt to the point that he deigned to not only plan a solution but share it with his classes, perhaps in the off chance one of us might pull it off. Or, in my case, at least share it: he proposed that if the entire nation is willing to come together, poor, moderate and rich, to donate at least a quarter of their checks we could eliminate the national debt, now in the trillions, in a matter of days or weeks at best.

Mister Grizzard, you will be missed.

Author's notes for the Come Forth story (for those who are interested! Please skip if you're not before I sic the dogs on you)

(For the sake of expediency I'm just going to boil it down to the form of answering Commonly Asked Questions. Please bear with me.)

Why are you putting the Author's Notes on your profile page?:

For those of you who have read the first chapter the character representing myself was actually typing the beginning AN when he was kidnapped. In other words I'm going for a more meta approach compared to most SI stories I'm aware of (admittedly I am not that familiar with more than three such stories which I like enough to read). As such it's going to lack some of the usual monikers of my stories, namely notes and even chapter titles.

Why an SI fic?:

As you may have learned from the first chapter this idea came about mostly thanks to This Bites! by Xomniac. Then Neonzangetsu, an author I like got into the game, undermining my resolve not do to this for the sake of my ironic avoidance of most SI stories... This also brings about the title. Truthfully it's a strange mix between being an amalgamation of various inspirations drawn from Hearthstone, songs and even The Wizard of Oz, and mishearing an almost throw away line from The Lion From The North by the band Sabaton (Listen to it or them, I don't care! METAL!!! (Headbangs my own desk and knocks myself out for a moment.)

Rated M (for manly!):

Just a general precaution really. Especially considering some of the ideas I might employ...

Dah chaptah titalls!

A bit of whimsy on my part to be honest. As well as a self imposed attempt to be clever in a bid of matching the source to the chapter as perfectly as possible (in mood at least), use it in an attempt of irony, or granted I'm more or less repeating myself, because I thought it fit at the time. Sadly they are all subject to being changed down the line depending on what I encounter, what I remember, and any at all suggestions that I investigate.

What's with the parenthesis in the story?:

In short their basically aside notes of what I'm thinking... despite it being a SI fic and thus typically in a first person form... yeah. Try not to think about it too much. Suffice it to say that it makes sense to me. @.@

The closest comparison I can give to it would be JD from Scrubs dynamic of saying one thing and thinking another. For example:

Elderly Patient: "So, should I be worried about the old ticker?"

JD: "Mister Taylor, let me worry about that for you. (In his head as he walks away) "Oh my God! He's gonna die!"

(Scrubs: My Screw Up)

Slavers? Really (aka Prologue notes)?:

Though my experience with SI stories are limited on both ends of the spectrum, I would imagine they tend to go through a bit of a routine of being yanked out of their realities by a ROB, falling through a portal, being summoned by angry pink haired girls (you know who you are (*Squints*), falling asleep and waking up in the beds of their favorite female characters (Tigerclaw, if you're reading this then UPDATE ALREADY! YOU'RE KILLING ME DAMN IT!), and just simply finding themselves there. Twisted though it may be, I wanted to gun for something more original.

Tidbits (aka Chapter 1 (Natural) notes):

Interestingly enough I never really considered using the manga versions for any of my work. Not out of a sense of pride mind you but more out of laziness... and a fair bit of penny pinching.

Anyway! After hearing so many complaints of certain anime of "being different than the manga!" I finally got a little curious and went out of my way to procure some manga of Akame Ga Kill out of curiosity. I did not realize just how different it can be (because the manga version is a fuckton more disturbed than the anime in certain bits... enough so to almost say the anime was rather campy in comparison). With that in mind, and hoping to blindside "myself" (whom is operating on my knowledge of the anime series only (and a number of on and off curious searches/research expeditions in the One Piece Wiki) in hopes of making this a more enjoyable read for you my dear readers by going over the manga whereas my counterpart is only aware that there is a manga. I'll admit it is a tad bit different than the anime though admittedly I hadn't gotten farther than the Black Cat arc at this point. Mild case and point to these differences for those like myself who predominantly the anime is that apparently in the manga the interlude involving Gaimon and the hybrid animals occurred before they met Usopp as opposed to after gaining both him and the Merry. Just thought that was worth noting, especially since this more or less plays into catching "me" unprepared despite reading This Bites!.

Uh-huh... (aka Chapter 2 notes)

I'll admit the ending here wasn't quite what I was going for originally. In fact I had planned on going to Usopp's island and ending it toward the beginning of that adventure. But writing about this I couldn't help but be a bit contemplative toward the end upon the thought of me going off the rails as it were in regards to certain events... Suffice it to say I'm rather use to certain habits and expectations in regards to my life and am selfish enough to not have much reason too deviate from my habits and preferences if it can be helped beyond the occasional attempt to expand my borders. Here though in One Piece, I don't have those luxuries. I can ride the rails so to speak yet I know I will not be truly satisfied with it, much less feel honest about it. On the other hand I prefer my own little world enough that I am, for better or worse, hesitant toward stepping out of my comfort zone... and that is something I have to contend with, both in the story and out of it.

Found on the page of UzumakiSakura3897:

"Truths of Life

1. You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.

2. All idiots, after reading #1, will try it.

3. And discover that #1 is a lie.

4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot.

5. You soon will show this to another idiot.

6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.

I apologize about this.

But I'm an idiot and I needed company...

You now have 2 options... ignore this or post this on your file to put a smile on someone else's face today!"

Found on the page of Storylover213:

OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE:

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered for having cultivated such valuable lessons as: knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust, his wife Discretion, his daughter Responsibility, and his son Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

V

The Situation in Hell

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I go out with you", and take into account the fact that I went out with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct . . . leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A."

Found on the page of NarutoxKyuubixMeixKushinaxMito:

16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"

Repost this if you laughed... Or are planning to do any of these things.

V

7 reasons not to mess with kids

Reason 1 A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.” The teacher asked, ” What if Jonah went to hell?” The little girl replied, “Then you ask him”.

Reason 2 A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.” The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.” Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, “They will in a minute.”

Reason 3 A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year old After explaining the commandment to “honor” thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

Reason 4 One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?” Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.” The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, “Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”

Reason 5 The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a doctor.’ A small voice at the back of the room rang out,”And there’s the teacher, she’s dead. ”

Reason 6 A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, “Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face..” “Yes,” the class said. “Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?” A little fellow shouted, “Cause your feet ain’t empty.”

Reason 7 The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.” Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, “Take all you want - God is watching the apples.

Found on the page of Ithilwen Faelivrin:

You know you live in 2010 when...

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or my space

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did

V

Things I'm not allowed to do at Hogwarts.

1) Seamus Finnigan is not after me lucky charms

2) I do not weigh the same as a duck. Nor should I try to act like one.

3) "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

4) I will not sing "we're off to see the wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.

5) I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class

6) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss

7) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda

8) Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar

9) First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy

10) I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "time of the month"

11) I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals

12) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin quidditch matches

13) The Giant Squid is not an approriate date to the Yule Ball

14) When Death-Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Bat Moblie, Robin!"

15) When a class-mate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm.

16) It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor

17) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental

18) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny. Even if he is wearing an orange anorak

19) I will not refer to the Weasley Twins as "bookends"

20) I will not dress up in a Dementor's suit and use a dustbuster on Harry's lips to make him do what I want.

21) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.

22) I will not hold my wand in the air before I casting spells shouting "I got the power!"

23) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights who say Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have students yell "Ni!" from various directions.

24) I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use war cries to signal my entrance when I enter a classroom

25) Its not necessary for me to yell "Bam!" everytime I apparate.

26) I will not steal Griffyndor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallway.

27) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls.

28) "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.

29) I am not allowed to begin Herbology class by singing the theme song to "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes"

30) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.

31) The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife

32) "Draco Malfoy, Take it up the Arse" is not an acceptable quidditch chant.

34) I am not Allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoyin a closet to see if hot gay sex will occur.

34) It is a mad idea to tell Proffesor Mcgonagal that she takes herself too seriously

35) "Ya'll check this crap out!" is not an aprropriate way to announce that I am about to conduct an expirimental spell.

36) I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Voldemort.

37) I will not offer to pose nude for Collin Creevy.

38) I am no longer allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Draco Malfoy.

39) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.

40) Dumbledore does not have "nakie time".

Found on the page of Lewascan2:

Funny (Yet Random) Things!! (COPY AND PASTE TO YOUR PROFILE AND ADD SOMETHING TO THE LIST!)

96% of people would go nuts if Edward Cullen jumped off a building.
4 would yell JUMP.

Never knock on Death's door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that.

Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell's afraid I'll take over.

The cops never find it as funny as you do.

God created boys before girls because every true artist creates a rough draft before a masterpiece.

So many boys, so many reasons to stay alone.

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

Don't look at me in that tone!

I'm not afraid of death. What's it going to do? Kill me?

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

Remember what you just said, because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you'll be devastated then!

I'm not insane and the voices in my head agree with me.

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse

When life gives you Edward Cullen, smile evilly and go to your stash of weapons.

When life gives you Edward Cullen, throw him back and demand someone cooler (like your elementary school janitor, perhaps?)

A fail so epic, it's almost a win.

I'm sarcastic, what's your superpower?

A friend is a person that knows you are a good egg, even though you are slightly cracked.

What doesn't kill me better run pretty dang fast.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift--that's why we call it the present.

Have you noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anybody driving faster is a maniac?

I can insult my best friend, but heaven help you if you do.

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it into a fruit salad.

If people were meant to pop out of bed, we'd all sleep in toasters.

Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them more

If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Here's a newsflash Honey, I don't live to please you!

When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the person who made you mad.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? ..He's a mile away and you've got his shoes.

I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking so good either.

I'm sorry, yesterday was the deadline for all complaints.

If at first you DO succeed, try not to look to impressed.

Anger is one letter short of danger.

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is to stubborn to ask directions.

I call you squishy and you shall be mine. You will be my squishy!

When life gives you lemons throw them back and demand vodka.

Evening news is where they say, "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it's not.

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can!

Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it...

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up.

They say, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Well, I think the gun helps. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep-- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

I'm the kind of guy who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

"God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made woman." - Adela Rodgers St. Johns

"Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door,"- Unknown

“When there's a will, I want to be in it.” – Unknown

When I was younger, my parents encouraged me to walk and talk. Now, all they want me to do is sit down and shut up!

Don't think of your self as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do."

Hippopotomonstrousaequipodaliophobic - Fear of long words.

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marsh mellows and flirting with the firemen.

Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally.

If two wrongs dont make a right, try three.

Borrow money from pessimists- they dont expect to get it back!

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that cant.

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything that you say will be misquoted and distorted, and then used against you.

A friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend laughs, trips you again, and laughs harder.

The Ferret bird exists right?

No body move! I dropped my brain...

Gingers have souls, Their just not theirs..

Turaaaash bags! I want turaaaash bags! I want 'em! I want 'em!...Trash bag? Gimme Trash bag!

I'm inspired, interrupt my train of thought and I'll stab you.

What's this thing you call normal? Is it contagious?! OH MY GOSH!! Don't touch me I might catch your NORMAL!!!

Person 1 "What have you been eating, rocks?" Person 2 "Why? Is your head missing some?"

I'm not crazy, I'm a writer! Oh...wait...that's an oxymoron.

"The roar was so loud, it was like I released the Kraken in the bathroom! It was like a whale gave birth to a roaring T-rex that was upper cutting a plate of glass!" youtuber, Olan Rogers- GHOST IN THE STALLS

"It's a Monday." - youtuber, Olan Rogers- Ghost in the Stalls

"I have nothin'! I'm scotch... tape. I'm so dang clear." youtuber, Olan Rogers- GHOST IN THE STALLS

"WESTLEY! SHOOOT HIIIIIMM!!!" -youtubeer, Olan Rogers- THE COMEBACK KID

"SON OF A WESTLEY!!!" -youtuber, Olan Rogers- THE COMEBACK KID

SYMPTOMS OF INSANITY:

Written by: Wormtail, Moony, Padfoot, and Prongs

1.) Playing with your food and calling it 'art'.

2.) Making a list of symptoms that most likely apply to yourself as well.

3.) Basing your ingredients list off your obsession's favorite color.

4.) Eating dog food. For ANY reason!

5.) Chasing your tail.

6.) Laughing for absolutely no reason. None.

7.) Waking up at an Ungodly hour every. Single. Day.

8.) Reading a book CLEARLY meant for Girls. And then trying to defend it.

9.) Actually WANTING to be on a list of insane things.

10.) Treating your own son like dirt when he NEVER deserves it.

11.) Acting like the things your family says or does is your fault, when it's obviously not.

12.) Silence.

13.) Spontaneously bursting out into song at the most inappropriate/ inopportune/ awkward times.

14.) Accepting ANYTHING from Peeves! Especially strange packages, and then handing them off to your FRIENDS!

15.) WEARING the Christmas decorations (even if they do look better that way).

16.) Almost getting yourself killed on a regular basis out of BOREDOME!

17.) Dancing in the rain.

18.) Befriending a werewolf.

19.) Befriending a Quidditch-obsessed, love-sick puppy who can't even keep his hair flat.

20.) Befriending a walking bully-magnet who can't even take a spelling test without hyperventilating.

21.) Befriending an egotistical, pranking-machine who seems to be in a constant state of sugar-high.

22.) Glaring at inanimate objects to "scare them".

23.) Yelling at someone right next to you.

24.) Walking into a room and forgetting what you're doing.

25.) Completely LOSING IT over a lack of organization.

26.) Having to wear post-it’s on your arm to remember anything.

27.) Obeying the commands of random post-it’s on your arm without question when they make NO sense and clearly weren't written by you.

28.) Falling in Love.

29.) Fighting with your own team.

30.) Creating an army of first-years to do your biding.

31.) Creating a chain of letters instead of just simply writing to each other directly like normal.

32.) Talking in Chat Speak.

33.) Switching personalities to scare the poor little first-years.

34.) Spending your class time drawing suicidal stick figures.

35.) Being convinced your friend is an imposter simply because he took notes.

36.) Referring to yourself in the third person.

37.) Braiding people's hair every time you get bored.

38.) Losing your wand when it's behind your ear the whole time.

39.) Becoming so tired, you actually become super hyper.

40.) Breaking a record through pranking.

41.) Speaking all grammatical symbols

42.) -( DRAMATIC ENTRANCES!)!

43.) Wrapping people.

44.) Making your hair holiday themed.

45.) Rapping.

46.) Stress Baking

47.) Stalking.

48.) Therapy.

49.) Trying to prank the MASTERS!

50.) Nightmares.

51.) Overly dramatic public displays of affection.

52.) Switching names.

53.) BETRAYING YOUR FRIENDS.

54.) Forgiveness.

55.) Breaking things for fun.

56.) Running away.

57.) Sound effects.

58.) Overreacting to everything.

59.) Miming.

60.) Growing Up

46 LAWS OF ANIME

1. Law of Metaphysical Irregularity

The normal laws of physics do not apply.

2. Law of Differentiated Gravitation

Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.

3. Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics

In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

4. Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion

In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.

5. Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion

The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.

6. Law of Temporal Variability

Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

7. First Law of Temporal Mortality

'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two ways - either so quick they don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.

8. Second Law of Temporal Mortality

It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quickly they didn't even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

9. Law of Dramatic Emphasis

Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).

10. Law of Dramatic Multiplicity

Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the 'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.

11. Law of Inherent Combustibility

Everything explodes. Everything.

First Corollary

Anything that explodes bulges first.

Second Corollary

Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".

12. Law of Phlogistatic Emission

Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

13. Law of Energetic Emission

There is always an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy 'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustibility.

14. Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude

The destructive potential of any object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass.

First Corollary

Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also known as the A-Ko phenomenon.

15. Law of Inexhaustibility

No one EVER runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

16. Law of Inverse Accuracy

The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Storm trooper Effect)

Example: A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a 'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.

First Corollary

The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage.

Second Corollary

Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.

Third Corollary

Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvers.

17. Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability

Minmei is a bimbo.

18. Law of Hemoglobin Capacity

The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.

19. Law of Demonic Consistency

Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not unknown, and can only be hurt bladed weapons.

20. Law of Militaristic Unreliability

Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.

First Corollary - (from Adam Barnes)

Whenever a single war machine (mecha, starship, etc.) goes up against an entire army, the army always loses.

21. Law of Tactical Unreliability

Tactical geniuses aren't...

22. Law of Inconsequential Undetectability

People never notice the little things... like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

23. Law of Juvenile Intellectuality

Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.

24. Law of Americanthropomorphism

Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny 'Bad Guy' or a big stupid 'Good Guy'.

First Corollary

The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect)

Second Corollary

The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors.

25. Law of Mandibular Proportionality (from A. Hicks, U. Williams, and Ben Leinweber)

The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

26. Law of Feline Mutation (from A. Hicks)

Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:

be female will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation wear as little clothing as possible, if any

27. Law of Conservation of Firepower (from U. Williams)

Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.

28. Law of Technological User-Benevolence (from U. Williams)

The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

29. Law of Melee Luminescence (from U. Williams)

Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

30. Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism (from U. Williams)

All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

31. Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability (from Spellweaver)

Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.

32. Law of Follicular Permanence

Hair in anime is pretty much indestructable, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!

33. Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics

ANY shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.

34. Law of Probable Attire (from various sources)

Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines. Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off the afore-mentioned female's clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene).

Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably wear a long cloaks that don't hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them.

First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability)

All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.

Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) - (from Nyctomania)

Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.

35. Law of Musical Omnipotence

Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on... especially if they have never attempted these things before.

36. Law of Quintupular Agglutination (from Daniel Mikula)

Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:

The Hero/Leader His Girlfriend His Best Friend/Rival A Hulking Brute A Dwarf/Kid

Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:

Extreme Coolness Amazing Intelligence Incredible Irritation

37. Law of Extradimensional Capacitance (from Jason Bustard)

All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice.

First Corollary (a.k.a. The Hammer Rule) - (from Ferdinand Pelayo)

The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.

of Hydrostatic Emission

Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.

39. Law of Inverse Attraction

Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get, and vice versa.

First Corollary

Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world...

40. Law of Nasal Sanguination (from Marty Ryan and Jason Aylen)

When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.

41. Law of Xylolaceration (from Lyndon Harris)

Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.

42. Law of Juvenile Omnipotence (from Erin Alia)

Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.

43. Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia

There is no Law #43.

44. Law of Nominative Clamovocation (from Luiko-Ysabeth and Adrian Hsiah)

The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced.

45. Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis (from R. A. Hubby)

Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any 'Bad Guys' witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.

46. Law of Flimsy Incognition (from Conrad Knauer)

Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.

V

Best Friends

FRIENDS: Lend you their umbrella.
BEST FRIENDS: Take yours and say 'RUN BITCH RUN!'

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin, "THAT WAS FRICKING AWSOME!"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST
FRIENDS: Won't tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with
you in private when your not down anymore/Cry with you.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your crap and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Return your stuff right away.
BEST FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget its yours.

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd's ass that left you.

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "Bitch, drink the rest of that, you know we don't waste."

FRIENDS: Will talk shit to the person who talks shit about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will knock them the f* out!

FRIENDS:
Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to
them they expect you to have all the time in the world.
BEST FRIENDS:
Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to what's
wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole
lot better!

FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.
BEST FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when the guy rejects you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will go up to him and say 'its because your gay isn't it?'

FRIENDS: Would ignore e this letter.
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this crappp!! '

Friends: Will share their candy.
Best
Friends: Will buy camo, a box, skittles, and sit on your roof throwing
the Skittles at innocent bystanders yelling " TASTE THE FREAKIN'
RAINBOW!!!!!!!!!"

Greatest quotes to date (My own (Monkeybandit2) personal creation, find your own!):

"Wow Boomstick, I didn't know you knew so much about dinosaurs."

"Yeah. I always wanted me a pet raptor. I was gonna call him Barny after I found out what irony was."

(Wiz/Wizard and Boomstick (respectively), DEATH BATTLE)

"And all of Wayne's money and the Commissioner's men couldn't put Batman together again."

(Boomstick, DEATH BATTLE)

V

"Akumu completion percentage among Evil Within players is currently sitting in the low single digits. So it's provably doable, but it's bit like deliberately running yourself over with your own car. Technically an impressive feat but you got to wonder why you went all that trouble to make yourself miserable."

(Mike Channell, Outside Xbox)

V

"Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill any day!"

(Elderly participant of Wipeout. Actual Origin unknown)

V

"Sting like a butterfly, punch like a flea."

(My Mother half paying attention to a commercial and trying to make sense of it after the fact)

V

"There is always a method to madness! IT'S NOT LOSING A FUCKIN' LEG THOUGH!"

(Jacksepticeye, Ben and Ed #9)

V

(After walking into a torn up tent in a game and finding a receipt) "Tent Rental -Forty dollars. Beer times four - Twenty dollars. Condoms - Five dollars. Well somebody had had a good time before the werewolf broke through the sides.

(LordMinion777, NOT LIKE THIS!!! (Ending) Final Station)

V

Stay away from creepy people who live on the moon.

(TV Tropes, Gankutsuou (A/N: aka The Count of Monte Cristo (The anime!)

V

"So what's the plan?"

"Get food, eat it."

(My Mother regarding dinner being served while planning... most likely rhetorical in nature, and myself respectively.)

V

"Oh look, a robot."

"Earthrealm's Clown."

"Clowns are scarier than robots. Certified fact!"

(Johnny Cage vs Triborg, Mortal Combat XL)

V

Abarai-fukutaicho - (.)Playing 'Battleship' is not an effective form of training. Stop carrying it around and randomly challenging people to a game.

- (.)Giving your 'Battleship' game to Kuroysuchi-taicho was ill advised. We have not seen hide nor hair of the entire twelfth division for more than two weeks. Whatever consequences comes of this, we're blame you.

-(*) You are hereby on a two week suspension following your ill advised actions of introducing Zaraki-taicho to the musical stylings of the band known as Kiss. We thought he could not get any more frightening. We were wrong.

Kurotsuchi-taicho - (.)Full scale mock naval battles are not to be held in the Soul Society.

-()Request for deployment of the entire twelfth division to the human world denied. Get rid of those battleships at once.

Zaraki-taicho - (.)When Kurotsuchi-taicho dropped an entire naval battle fleet onto your division, it was not a challenge to a fight to the death.

-(*) Face paint. Off. Now. No arguments.

Hitsugaya-taicho - I do not know where you got that pack of Tasmanian Devils, but you will cease all attempts to attack on command using a picture of Aizen. Get rid of them. They are destroying personal property and mauling shinigami. Unohana-taicho is overworked as it is.

-When I said "get rid of the Tasmanian Devils" I did not mean "lock them in Zaraki-taicho's office". I certainly did not mean for you to wire it for CCTV, sell tickets and take bets on who would come out alive.

Soifon-taicho - A trained ape could not do Zaraki-taicho's job. Get rid of those simians at once. We Honestly did not notice you drugged the whole eleventh division, stashed them in Hitsugaya-taicho's oubliette and replaced them all with apes. On second thought, your idea has merit. Carry on.

Urahara Kisuke - "I was bored" does not adequately explain why you felt the need to conquer Hell.

Aizen Sosuke - Our plans to counter you do not involve zombies. You should not be taking steps to counter zombies. There will be no zombies. This is not a zombie apocalypse. We did not get the idea from Kuchiki Rukia's movie night. Kurotsuchi-taicho is not working on a virus to turn otherwise healthy beings into flesh-eating, brain craving horrors. There are no zombies involved. Zombies do not exist. There will be no zombies. This is not a suspiciously specific denial.

Ichimaru Gin - You are not Henry the Eighth and your singing leaves much to be desired, especially over a megaphone. I would like to remind you that many of our shinigami could be considered "odd" at the best of times and that psychological warfare does not work on the clinically insane. If you do not let us get out eight hours of sleep each night, we will put into motion a plan known, quite appropriately, as Operation Flaming Undead Lemurs. You have been warned.

(Various reprimands from Head-Captain Yamamoto, Please Stop Eating the Hell Butterflies.)

V

"You're too late, Detective. Once I enter the Lazarus Pit I will become fully rejuvenated! Mwahahaha!" (Jumps into the pit and reemerges, younger than before and attempts to climb out...) Pht! "Wha-Wait-what?!" (... only to be kicked in the face by Batman. Reemerges, even younger now.) "Okay. Very Funny. Now help me out." (Extends a hand out to Batman.)

"Sure, let me--'OOPS'!" (Drops Ra's al Gul back into the pit only for him to emerge once more as a young boy.)

"That was funny for like a second." (Looks at the ledge of the pit and sighs.) "I really should've put a ladder in here." (Gets kicked in the face again and once more surfaces, only as a baby struggling.) "Hey! This thing is like four feet deep! I'll kill you for this!" (Submerges despite his struggles and doesn't resurface.)

"... Well, I just killed a baby." (Flees.)

(Batman vs Ra's al Gul, Robot Chicken, Magical Friendship episode.)

V

A friend of my was late for college when Bohemian Rhapsody came on the radio. He stayed in the car and waited for it to finish while singing along. When he went into the lecture hall the teacher asked why he was late. He replied " one does not simply get out the car and leave when Bohemian Rhapsody comes on the radio". The teacher smiled and said "carry on". He didn't get a late mark.

Found on Youtube (PilotInCommand100 (account name, not a video)

NEVER. TRUST. THE. THUMBNAIL.

Juliana Freeth (same case as the above comment)

V

Lelouch: So, you're going to shoot me huh? Well, the only person who shoots me is me! [points a gun at his head] Good luck trying to shoot me WHEN I'M ALREADY DEAD!
C.C.: …You are a whole new level of stupid.
Lelouch: Ah, but who is stupider? The one trying to kill himself, or the person trying to kill the person trying to kill himself?! [beat]That's what I thought.

(Code MENT... (aka Code Geass Abridged on crack.)

Lelouch: (on the phone to Suzaku) Hello?
Suzaku: Hey, what's up?
Lelouch: I need your help. Can you come here?
Suzaku: I can't. I'm buying clothes.
Lelouch: Alright, well hurry up and come over here.
Suzaku: I can't find them.
Lelouch: What do you mean you can't find them?
Suzaku: I can't find them. There's only soup.
Lelouch: What do you mean "there's only soup"?
Suzaku: It means there's only soup.
Lelouch: Well then get out of the soup aisle!
Suzaku: Alright, you don't have to shout at me! (Suzaku moves to the next aisle)
Suzaku: There's more soup!
Lelouch: What do you mean "there's more soup"?!
Suzaku: There's just more soup!
Lelouch: Go into the next aisle!
Suzaku: (moves to the next aisle) There's still soup!
Lelouch: Where are you right now?!
Suzaku: I'm at soup!
Lelouch: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE "AT SOUP"?!
Suzaku: I MEAN I'M AT SOUP!
Lelouch: WHAT STORE ARE YOU IN?!
Suzaku: I'M AT THE SOUP STORE!
Lelouch: WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE SOUP STORE?!
Suzaku: FUCK YOU!!

(Guess where...)

Suzaku: No; it'd be against my moral compass.
Lelouch: Your fucking moral compass is a roulette wheel!

V

Probably the most well-known cause of death among Dwarven babies is "used as shield in self-defence"

(Hilariously Abusive Childhood, Tv Tropes in regards to Dwarf Fortress)

V

OL: I remember the cake. The internet remembers the cake. Two hundred years from now, alien civilizations that have never met a Human before will address me as 'The Cake Man'.

(With This Ring)

V

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except for bears. Bears will kill you--dead."

"Hey, this is Alfie Coy. There's a lot of hate and anger in the world right now. So this year let's make it a resolution to be kinder and nicer to each other. Except for Phillies fans. Fuck those guys."

(97.1 The Eagle.)

V

"The point is: In my medical opinion, and as a man of science I do not say this lightly, that eye socket is haunted.

(Medic, Team Fortress 2, The Naked and the Dead)

V

"Have you ever seen the aggression of a Grizzly Bear? When they're after a rabbit it's not "I want this rabbit," it's like "Fuck This Rabbit!"

("Bear" Dan, coworker.)

V

"Just because you're driving a church van doesn't mean you're safe from my unholy wrath if you actively choose to piss me off!"

(My opinion to holy roller customers whom piss me off.)

V

"The end justifies the means. The question is can you live with the means."

(AkumaKami64)

V

Cuz yellow is the color for dakka. See, checkered black and white is 'ard, red is fast, blue is lucky, green is best, orange is explosions, and purple is sneaky. Bet you're wondering about purple huh? You ever see an ork wearing purple? Exactly, they're too sneaky.

(Alex Notmyname)

V

Alexander the Great: How dare you molest the seas?
Pirate: How dare you molest the whole world? Because I do it with a small boat, I am called a pirate and a thief. You, with a great navy, molest the world and are called an emperor.

— St. Augustine, as observed in City of God

V

"Every individual is an exception to the rule... This kind of classification is nothing but a childish parlor game."

(Carl Yung, his thoughts of his own notion that people can be surmised into eight different personality types. (Adam Ruins Everything.))

V

Sen: WHO WANTS SOME! YOU. YOU WANT SOME!

Pony: NO I DON'T! I DON'T WANT SOME!

(Hero Class Civil Warfare)

V

"It's like watching hungry animals tear each other to pieces. Except it's on the Internet, so it's five times as brutal! What a show!"

(Mei Hatsume. brilliant lights will cease to burn (by my hand i'll reignite them)

V

(Upon arriving at a scene where Batman is beating up some thugs.)

"Think we should help?" Superman joked as they watched Batman tear through the criminals with painful ease.

"Help who? The Bat or the thugs?" Peter commented.

"Tough choice," Superman said with a look of concentration as he cupped his chin.

(The Injustice of Peter and Diana's love)

V

"Cheazy Pizza here. It's cheap, it's cheesy, its cheazy. Can I help you?"

"Can I have a large pepperoni, garlic and mushroom pizza delivers to Freddie Fazbear's Pizzeria please?" Dante asked.

"Wait... You're call me from a pizzeria... To order a pizza?"

"It's a long story, see--"

"HEY TONY! YOU HEAR THAT?! WE"RE NOT THE WORST PIZZA IN TOWN ANYMORE!"

In the background Dante could make out someone, maybe an older teenager yell back "YOU GONNA START PAYING ME MORE THEN?"

"SHUT YOUR TTRAP AND GE THAT PIE OUT THE DOOR! PEPPERONI, GARLIC AND MUSHROOM, AND MAKE SURE THERE ARE NO RATS IN THE DAMN SAUCE AGAIN!" He then turned back to the phone and said "Five bucks. Don't tip the delivery boy, he's a jackass."

(Dante's Night at Freddie's 2: Animatronic Boogaloo)

V

Accidentally tripped an old lady, meant to say "I'm so fucking sorry" and "are you okay?". What came out was "ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY!?"

(Brian. Twitter.)

V

"I said I didn't remember. I said I didn't mean to let them get away. But did you listen? NO! JEREMIAH GOTTWALD IS FINALLY VINDICATED! AH-HA-HAHAHAHAHA!"

(Entropy. (Code Geass.)

V

"SUCK ON THIS!"

Fwoom!

The warhead seemed to hang in the air for a moment after it left the launcher's tube, then it suddenly accelerated to a high speed. It landed a direct hit on the monster's upper left arm, obscuring the appendage under a cloud of thick black smoke.

The Fire Dragon turned its head skyward and screeched in agony.

"Holy shit, it worked!" Dalton cheered, grinning like a dork.

His grin did a one-eighty when the smoke cleared up, however. Upon closer inspection, it didn't appear the rocket did any damage at all.

"Oh fuck, that didn't work!"

Then the dragon's arm fell off. The severed limb almost crushed Rory, but the Apostle of Death managed to move aside at the last second.

"No, wait, it did work!"

(Semper Invicta)

Monkeybandit2, making off with your attention! No refunds.