[There really is no excusing this one. No real good reason why I'm working on this and not Angel of the Bat or The Book of Time or any far, far more emotionally invested projects… This is bordem. Sheer, SHEER, bordem, and the fact that I have kinda missed writing in the Devil May Cry universe I was working in. That said, please enjoy

This story counts as a crossover with the indie horror game "Five Nights at Freddy's", but as there is no category for it (surprising given it's quick rise to popularity, but I acknowledge it hasn't been out that long) it is just marked as a DMC story]

It had taken weeks of nagging and convincing, but little Evie had finally managed to do it. After the many exciting commercials that had aired day after day when she got home from school, she convinced her old dad to take her out for her sixth birthday to Freddy Fazbear's Pizza. He had long argued that the place had no dignity to it, that he didn't want to support any business that forced its employees to dress up in such demeaning (not to mention creepy) attire, and that their pizza would surely be subpar. At best.

Still, constant cries from his daughter led to constant cries from her little brother Arthur, which led to further irritation from his wife, Lucia. So, with a swallow of pride and a roll of the eyes, Dante agreed to take Evie to Freddy's for her birthday.

Evie was so excited she didn't even mind that he wanted to sit in the corner with his fingers rubbing at his forehead and shamefacedly slurping down strawberry malt after strawberry malt, Lucia sitting closer to young Arthur.

"You know today isn't supposed to be about you," his wife scolded. "You should be happy that Evie is happy."

"This place stinks… Literally," Dante quickly added. "Smells like spit and blood… Last time I was in a place that stank like this a gigantic tower had just spurt out of the ground a few blocks from my place and a bunch of Hells had just carved up some strippers."

"Would you keep it down! What if someone overhears you?"

"Over Teddy and his band of nightmares over there?" Dante asked, pointing a finger at the animatronics unconvincingly playing instruments on stage. "Oh I'm sorry, Freddy and his band of nightmares… I'll give it this much… It's not as bad as the last time I dealt with a Freddy and nightma-"

"Refill your drink sir?" A disinterested, pimply-faced teenage employee in an oversized teddy bear costume asked.

"Please! And uh… You got anything, y'know, heavier back there by any chance?"

"Unless you wanna try the oil that lubes the robots, no." The kid said, taking his malt glass.

"How about that chicken?" Dante asked. "I want what that chicken's having! She looks like she's havin' a great time!"

"Do you need to insist on being a nuisance any time we go somewhere you don't want to go?" Lucia asked.

"Aw c'mon. This is supposed to be a fun place right? This is how I have fun at these places. I'm too big for the ball pit."

"Well why don't you try and have fun with Evie?" Lucia asked. "She's over in the arcade next to pirate's cove."

Dante sighed and pushed himself up, making his way past the out of order "pirate's cove" attraction and seeing his daughter standing on a stool and desperately mashing buttons on the Street Fighter 2 machine.

"Hey squirt, how you holding up?" Dante asked. When she didn't answer, he looked at the screen, seeing her struggling as Chun Li to defeat Vega as he delivered swipe after swipe from his claw hand. "I could swear his name was Barlog back when I last played this." Dante muttered. After many failed combos, Vega landed the finishing blow and Evie lowered her head in shame for a moment before sadly turning to her father.

"Daddy… Could you finish the game for me?"

For the first time since arriving at the third-rate pizza parlor, Dante felt happy to do something, patting Evie on the back and saying, "Leave it to me."

Dante shoved in a few quarters and took Evie's place, his mind racing for combos as he made short work of Vega. After him he suffered a defeat at the hands of Sagat, but bounced back quickly and defeated him as well, leaving only the dreaded M. Bison to contend with. "This one's for you kiddo," Dante said.

But true to his status as final boss, Bison would not be defeated. Dante's usually excellent memory of attack combos began to blank as he starred enraged at lose-screen after lose-screen at the hands of Bison and his ridiculously unfair slide kick. So again and again he pushed on and tried, at one point pulling a five dollar bill out of his pocket and demanded Evie bring him more quarters.

"Dad, I really don't care if you-"

"He is NOT going to beat me!" Dante yelled, ignoring her. Evie sighed and went to retrieve his change.

Dante kept at the button mashing, struggling to get any possible hit he could on Bison as Evie kept feeding the machine quarters. When she told him she had run out, he pulled out his wallet to find it now completely bare of cash as Bison delivered his final slide kick.

Dante starred in disbelief, every pixel on Bison's face mocking how poor he had become. For a moment he forgot entirely who and how powerful he was, the look of mocking forcing his hand.

Dante's fist sailed right through the machine, which let out a loud, horrible crash as it broke and he tore his fist out from it.

When the moment finally passed, he could hear a few small children crying that he had broken a machine, and one of the men in the teddy bear costumes telling another to go get the boss. It wasn't ten awkwardly silent minutes later that Dante's shoulder was tapped on by the infuriated manager.

"Do you have any idea how much damage that little stunt you pulled did?!" He demanded. "Do you know how hard we struggle to get business around here as is?"

"Maybe you outta consider washing those animatronics of yours once in a while," Dante sneered. "It seriously stinks so bad in here."

"Quiet you rat! I should have you arrested for damage of my property!"

"Please sir," Lucia insisted, pulling Arthur closer. "My husband gets impulsive sometimes. We can pay for the broken machine."

"Well… Actually," the manager sighed. "Look, our last night shift security guy just quit and we're out anybody for the rest of the week… You owe us money, so you think you could stop by here and work that off?"

"Wouldn't be my first pro-bono arrangement," Dante muttered.

"He would be happy to!" Lucia said, glaring at Dante shortly thereafter. "When can he start?"

"Well… I dunno, tonight okay? Midnight til six AM?"

"Yes sir, he'll be here," Lucia said, still leering at Dante.

"Yeah. Sure. Why not. What my wife said. Midnight to six. What could possibly go wrong?"