This story is dedicated to the author

Disclaimer: I claim no ownership to Bleach in any way, shape, or form.

-- TwinShadows

Love Potion Version 9.0: Chapter 1

"Somehow Ichigo," Renji muttered bitterly, shuffling boxes around, "I am gonna get back at you for this."

Currently he was working in the back of Urahara's Shop, doing whatever chores that needed doing. That was the arrangement he made with Kisuke Urahara in order to get some spending money that he desperately needed since yesterday.

'And it's all because of that bastard Ichigo,' he thought angrily, remembering the "Unspeakable Event" which had occurred in his "nemesis's" room.

/Flashback…/

"Ichigo!" Rukia said. "I'm bored and it's hot out."

"So what am I supposed to do about it?" Ichigo snapped back, running his hand through his orange hair in frustration as he kept his eyes on his homework.

"Maybe you could take her someplace to cool off," Renji put in sarcastically. This got him a glare from Ichigo. However, the expression changed to a mischievous grin which made Renji nervous.

"I've got a better idea," he said smoothly, tearing a piece of paper off and writing something on it. "Why don't you take Rukia to here? My sisters love the ice cream there." He held the scrap out to the two Soul Reapers before him.

"Why would I go to an ice cream place with Rukia?" This got Renji a tug on the back of his shirt.

"Are you implying something, Renji?" Rukia asked, her voice lowered to a deadly hiss.

"Well," Ichigo interjected, "I figured that Rukia would like some ice cream."

"I can get ice cream here," Rukia replied, looking at Ichigo like he was brain-damaged.

"So when did we get that limited edition Chappy the Rabbit ice cream like at this place?" Ichigo asked, waving the scrap of paper around teasingly. "You know, the one that's shape to look just like Chappy."

'Oh hell no,' Renji thought as he saw Rukia's face light up. 'He said the "C" word.' In the time it took him to blink, the piece of paper in Ichigo's hand was gone and Rukia was pulling Renji towards the door via his ponytail. "Dammit Rukia!! Yer gonna rip my hair out!"

"HAIR LATER! CHAPPY NOW!!!" Rukia shouted. Renji looked over at Ichigo, only to see him give Renji a two-fingered salute and a smirk before the door slammed shut.

"I'll get you for this, you bastard!!" Renji yelled out, even as Rukia dragged him down the stairs.

/…End Flashback/

The end result had been Rukia draining him of all his money for 9 consecutive Chappy ice creams and the medicine for her headache that resulted from said ice cream. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on how you looked at it, Urahara had offered him a way to get some money to make up for the money lost: 500 yen per hour that Renji works at his shop and he had to do everything he was told to do. Now, he was working on moving some things around in Kisuke's backroom.

'Once I get some time to myself, I'll think of something to get my revenge on Ichigo,' he thought, sliding a box to the side. However, he pushed it with such force that it hit a shelf and knocked off a cardboard box off the top shelf, landing on top of his head and making him loose his balance. Shaking his head, Renji took a look at the label on the box.

"'LP Series; Handle with Care,'" he read aloud. Curious, he opened the box to see a group of nine bottles, all with different labels on them.

"Okay. If I remember correctly, the higher the number, the better it is," he muttered to himself as he checked the labels until he found it. "Okay, 'LP v.9.0'; that means this is the strongest one." Pulling it out and opening the cork, Renji took a whiff. He instantly regretted this action.

"OH MY GOD!!" he said, stuffing the cork back in tightly. "Now I get what the 'LP' stands for: 'Lousy Pungency!' If anybody was dumb enough to drink this stuff, their breath would be enough to drive away a Menos." He paused after hearing himself say this. Then, his face split into a wide and evil grin. "Looks like Lady Luck just saved me the trouble of thinking of my revenge."

Ichigo was walking home from school, his bag slung over his shoulder. Usually, Rukia would be walking with him but there was a hollow situation on the other side of town and she went for it, despite his protests that it was dangerous to go it alone. This left him with only his thoughts as company.

Currently, he was thinking about yesterday with the whole incident with Renji, Rukia and the ice cream. He knew that it was kinda wrong to use Renji as a distraction for Rukia, but he needed to finish his homework for class today; and he knew Rukia wouldn't stop bugging him if he didn't do something. 'As soon as I see Renji, I'm gonna apologize and try to make it up to him,' he thought. Then he heard someone calling his name.

"Hey Ichigo!" Renji called, jogging over to him. He was wearing his gigai that made him look like a hippie, complete with bell-bottom pants. Ichigo took note that there was a Styrofoam container under Renji's arm.

"Hey Renji," he said back, holding up his free hand in greetings. "Listen, about yesterday…"

"Hey, don't worry about it," Renji interrupted, catching Ichigo off-guard. "There's no pointing in getting angry about it. Hell, I would've done the same thing to you if I was in your shoes." After this, he held the container out to his friend. "I made this as a peace offering, so that we could officially put this behind us."

Cocking his head to the side, Ichigo took the container and opened it. Inside was a plate of curry rice with what looked like chicken pieces and different vegetables. The whole thing looked pretty good considering he didn't even know that Renji could cook; although the smell was a little stronger than what he normally got from curry.

'I guess this is a Soul Society recipe, so it's made to be strong.' Looking over at Renji, he saw that the 'chef' was watching him expectantly and holding up a spoon. 'Well, he did go through all this trouble,' he thought before setting down his bag and accepting the spoon before he took a bite.

"Well?" Ichigo swallowed the bite and looked at Renji.

"It's okay," he replied, scooping up another spoonful. "It smells a little strong though. Also, it tastes kinda funny. Not bad, just funny."

"Oh don't worry," Renji said dismissively, "That's how it's supposed to be. Well, see ya 'round." With that, he turned and walked off, grinning from ear to ear.

"Guess he's real happy I liked his cooking," Ichigo said, closing the container of curry and grabbing his bag before jogging home.

After dodging his crazy father's attacks, Ichigo sat at his desk, eating the curry Renji gave him. Hearing a shuffling sound from his window, he turned to see Rukia climbing in.

"What kept ya?" he asked. She just glared at him.

"In case you didn't know," she replied scathingly, "I had to deal with several hollows alone."

"I offered to go with you, but noooo, you just had to prove you could handle things on your own." This got him a kick to the shins.

"Anyway, after fighting these hollows, I come back here to find you stuffing your face. Where'd you get that curry anyway?"

"Renji made it. Ran into him today and he gave it to me." With that, he scooped up the last of it and ate it. "Turns out, he's a decent cook."

"And it didn't even occur to you that I might want some?" she asked incredulously.

"Well think of it this way," Ichigo said getting up and heading towards the door, "Since I ate that curry, there's a good chance I might not be able to finish my dinner; if that happens, you get more food."

"Fine," Rukia shrugged, following after him.

"After all, you need all the nutrients you can get if you expect to be a big girl."

--WHAM--

"I knew it! You were just calling me short!!"

The next morning, Ichigo woke up to the pounding of his Dad's feet. 'Great. Here we go.' With that, the door swing open.

"GOOOOOD MORNING ICHI--" Just then, he gagged and fell to the floor, his hands to his face.

"You having a seizure, Dad?" Ichigo asked, looking slightly concerned before glaring suspiciously. "Or is this just a faking out to attack me while my back's turned?"

"For pity's sake, son," Isshin wheezed, "I can respect your need to show off your manly smell, but this is too much. It smells like something died in here."

"Huh?" Ichigo took a quick whiff before turning back to his Dad. "I don't stink, Dad. If you need me, I'll be in the shower." Grabbing his school clothes and a towel, he left.

When he came back down the stairs, Ichigo saw his sisters and Rukia sitting at the table.

"Oh good morning, Ichigo," Rukia said, going through her 'I'm-totally-innocent-and-sweet' act which Ichigo hated.

"How'd you sleep, Big Brother?" Yuzu asked, smiling warmly as she stood holding her ladle.

"All right," he muttered, grabbing a piece of toast as he sat down.

"What was all that commotion upstairs earlier?" Karin asked dully, eyes peering at him through her dark bangs.

"He tried his morning attack on me, but he stopped because he thought I smelled bad," he replied with a shrug. And speak of the devil…

"ICHIGO!!" Isshin hollered, his voice nasally from his nose pinched shut by a clothespin. "How can you stand there like you don't smell like a dump truck?!"

"BECAUSE I DON'T STINK!!" Ichigo yelled back indignantly. After that, he ducked as Isshin kicked out and the two started beating on each other.

"Hey you two. Stop fighting this instant," Yuzu told them off. Karin just kept eating before snatching a piece of food from her brother's abandoned plate.

"Just leave 'em be, Yuzu," she commented. "More food for the rest of us."

"But Dad's saying that Ichigo smells bad and I can't smell anything." With this, Karin sighed and got up to go over to kick her father in the head. This got both parties to temporarily stop their beatdown session.

"Just out of curiosity, old man," she said slowly, "When was the last time you changed your socks?"

"My darling daughter, you should know me better than that," he replied hopping back onto his feet. "I never change socks until Friday night!"

"In other words, five consecutive days," she deadpanned.

"Rukia, my beloved third daughter," he called out, snapping said girl to attention, "I need you to be the impartial judge. Smell Ichigo and tell us what you think." This caused Rukia to choke on her food and start coughing, while both her and Ichigo to go red with embarrassment.

'He wants me to smell Ichigo? What the hell?!' she thought desperately. She knew of Isshin's perverted attitude intimately, but this was too much! Quickly, she tried to get out of it with her classic act. "Mr. Kurosaki, Ichigo and I are just friends; if I did this, it would totally put our friendship into an awkward place."

"Nonsense Rukia. It won't matter anyway once you're married--" which got him a double kick to the head.

"Let's get out of here before he starts again," Ichigo said, grabbing both school bags and heading out the door. Rukia followed before turning around and bowing and leaving, closing the door behind her.

"Here," Ichigo said, passing Rukia her bag, who accepted it with a nod. Rukia walked silently before grabbing Ichigo's collar. "What?"

Without a word, she pulled his head down and sniffed at his neck before letting him go. "I don't get why your father was complaining, Ichigo. You don't smell bad at all. Although," she added with a smirk, "you should lay off the cologne. It's pretty strong."

"I don't wear cologne," he muttered, glowing red again and moved faster.

"Hey, wait up Ichigo," she called, running to catch up to him. Though she didn't want to admit it, he did smell pretty good; kind of a warm, cinnamon scent. 'Guess I just never noticed it before. Then again, I've never actually taken the time to put my nose to his neck.'

When they arrived at the classroom, Ichigo sat down at his seat and waited for the usual event: Keigo Asano making a mad dash at him, which ended with Keigo on the floor in pain. And just like clockwork…

"ICHIGOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" There came Keigo, running at break-neck speed in his direction. However, he skidded to a halt right in front of Ichigo who had his fist out. 'Guess Keigo's starting to wise up,' Ichigo thought surprised. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

Keigo grabbed his face, specifically at his mouth and nose, and started to cough and groan dramatically before dropping to his knees, not even looking up. "Geez Ichigo," he complained, "What'd you do, bathe in raw sewage?"

"Nice job, Ichigo. You've managed to beat him up without even hitting him." Looking over his shoulder, he saw two girls, one with long, strawberry-blonde hair and a developed figure smiling confusedly at him and one with dark hair and looked physically fit, wearing a knowing smirk pointed at him.

"Don't blame me, Tatsuki," Ichigo said pointing at Keigo. "He's the second guy to say I stink today."

"Well, did you remember to clean up before you left home this morning, Ichigo?" asked Orihime, cocking her head to the side. Before he could answer, a pair of female hands grabbed at her chest.

"Oh Orihime," Chizuru cooed, "You're so considerate to a slob like him." However, before she went any further, she received a kick to the jaw from an angry Tatsuki.

"Damn it, Chizuru! Don't you ever quit?!" she yelled, her dark bangs slightly swaying from her quick movement.

"HOW CAN YOU GUYS JUST ACT LIKE ICHIGO DOESN'T SMELL LIKE A TOXIC WASTE DUMP?!?!" Keigo hollered, though his hollering was muffled from his hands covering his mouth. The three turned to look at the writhing boy on the ground. Then Tatsuki grabbed Ichigo's wrist and shoved him toward Chizuru.

"Here," she said, pushing him forward. "Maybe you can make her go away with your massive B.O."

'Great,' he thought bitterly, 'Now I'm being used as Chizuru repellent.'

Chizuru just stood there, blinking. Then, leaned in and took an experimental sniff. Then, moving around, she started smelling his torso, even moving up his arms to smell underneath; the whole thing made Ichigo very uncomfortable.

"Hey guys," Rukia said as she came over, fake smile in place. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Trying to see if Ichigo's scent is going to be as repulsive to Chizuru as it is to Keigo," Tatsuki said bluntly.

"I can't smell anything, Tatsuki," Orihime said, blinking.

Chizuru put Ichigo's arm down, currently standing behind him. "Well," she said straightening her glasses, "You smell pretty good, I guess."

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Ichigo cried out, loud enough to make everyone in class turn to look at the group. "Someone just grabbed my butt!" The eyes of the crowd shifted from Ichigo, who had a hand on his waist, to Chizuru, who blinked confused… until she looked at her free hand which was curled to look like it had held something.

"Oh my god!" came the surprised cry of Mahana, who was pointing at the group. "Chizuru felt up Ichigo!"