There are two kinds of geniuses in the world. First off there are the normal ones. Your inventors, scientists, child prodigies, get their names put down in history books, etc, etc. They come up with ideas and things that help shape the world and make it a better place.
Then there are the not so normal ones. Sure these guys can come with smart stuff themselves, but it always feels a little off . Like it came from the mind of a group of monkeys or maybe that it was actually suppose to be for the monkeys in the first place. Either way these guys are odd. Still many of this type can still be quite helpful. Kisuke Urahara for example could be considered a candidate.
"Nemu!"
Then there are the completely whacked out freaks of nature like the captain of the 12th division captain, Mayuri Kurotsuchi.
"Nemu! Where is that blasted girl!" The skull faced captain complained loudly as he paced back and forth in his lab. Around him was his personal lab filled with beakers of bubbling substances, various weird devices and computer panels displaying multiple readouts.
At that moment, his purple haired letiuitent/daughter landed in front of him, kneeling. "Yes Mayuri-sama?"
Mayuri stared at Nemu for one second before backhanding her into a nearby wall.
"You worthless piece of trash. I was calling you for almost a full minute!"
"M…my apologies"
Mayuri sneered "Get up already" he said kicking her a few times.
Nemu complied and followed her captain over a nearby table filled with a strange devices. A few moments of searching and he pulled up a tiny dart, and shoved it into the girl's hands.
"Take this and go down to the human world. Test it out and report back to me on the results."
"The target?"
The 12th captain paused for a moment before his white face formed a sadistic grin. "Use it on the Quincy"
Nemu was as emotionless as ever. "Uryu Ishida"
"Yes yes, I believe that was his name" Mayuri said waving his hand dismissingly, "This will teach him to attack me and stop from performing one of my experiments. Revenge can be so sweet"
"Soul society has given permission for this mission?"
Nemu's response was another slap in the face as her captain glared.
"Of course, it has been approved. How dare you speak up against me, your creator? Never question my orders again! Understood?"
"Hai" Nemu quickly nodded.
"…But if anyone asks you, lie and tell them that you are going to get pie. Now leave. I have important…research to do"
"You mean, play your videogames?"
"They are tactical simulations and what did I just say about question me, you sorry excuse for an offspring?"
Nemu quickly left.
---------
Ichigo Kurosaki let out a sigh as he tapped his hand impatiently on his desk. The school day was dragging on forever and Ichigo just wanted it to end. Having given up on listening to the boring lecture, the shinigami substitute was now impatiently waiting for the class to end.
'Come on. Where is a hollow attack when you really need it?' he thought to himself.
Looking around the classroom, the orange haired youth saw that most his classmates were in the same predicament. Tatsuki, his childhood friend looked ready to nod off at any second. Seated right next to her was Orihime Inoue paying little attention to the teacher and instead deciding to doodle in her notebook. At the back of the class was Chad being well Chad meaning it was impossible to tell what he was thinking as he was completely still and silent. The only one who didn't seem to be bored was Ishida sitting by the window, calmly listening to every word and taking details notes. Adjusting his classes a bit, he sent Ichigo a smug look as he continued to work.
Nemu quickly studied Ishida's face through a pair of binoculars. "Target acquired"
Standing on a rooftop adjacent to the school, the shinigami quickly dropped the binoculars to the ground and picked up of all things a sniper rifle. Holding the gun carefully, she inserted the dart and aimed at the window where the Quincy was.
"Ready…"
"Class dismissed"
Several cries of relief went through the class as people began to leave. Uryu was about to do the same when his keen Quincy senses picked up on a dangerous situation.
"Orihime" he called out.
"…aim…"
The girl quickly stopped and looked back at him.
"Yes?"
"There is a tear on your skirt"
Inoue gasped and looked down seeing for the first time the small cut that was on the end of her skirt. "Oh no"
"Here, allow me"
"…fire."
Faster then a flash step, Ishida whipped out his trusty sewing kit and bent over beginning to work.
- Swoosh -
The dart flew through the window harmlessly passing over Uryu's head and continued onward further into the classroom until it hit someone else.
"Ow, what was that?" Ichigo muttered as he rubbed the side of his head which suddenly hurt.
Uryu stood back up admiring his work. "There, all finished"
"Thank you so much" Orihime beamed causing the young man to blush.
"Heh…no problem"
Back on the rooftop, Nemu blinked at what had just happened. Saying no words she slowly reached into her robes pulling out a cell phone.
---------
"WHAT!?"
Had Captain Kurotsuchi bothered to design hair into his horror movie monster of the week look, he probably would have been pulling it out strand by strand. The mad scientist paced back and forth as he looked at his subordinate on the screen.
"How could you miss?" he screamed.
Nemu winced from the loud voice of her captain. "I am sorry…"
Mayuri ignored her as he started muttering. "I could have built myself a robot to serve as my lieutenant. But no Mayuri. You had go and make a clone of yourself for that special touch."
"….hit Ichigo Kurosaki instead" Nemu said continuing on.
Mayuri stopped ranting as he picked on the last bit of Nemu's words. "Repeat that again"
"The weapon ended up hitting shinigami Ichigo Kurosaki"
Mayuri frowned at this new development as he began to think. 'It hit the Ryoka? Curses. The dart was designed for the quincy, not a shinigami. There is no telling what the specific effects of it will be. Not to mention some of those other idiotic captains actually like the boy. …'
"Nemu! Get close to the boy and make sure there were no side effects from the dart. Now!"
"Yes captain"
---------
Schoolbag in hand, Ichigo headed out of the school and on his way home.
"Well, I'm glad that is finally over."
"Hello there"
Ichigo stopped as he saw one of the strangest looking girls standing in front of him. Purple hair with green eyes and pale almost ghost like skin was weird enough on its on. But toss in the fact that said girl was dressed in army combat boots, a yellow sundress and a sombrero on top and you got a whole another level of freaky.
This though was pretty much going through Ichigo's head as he scratched his head in confusion. "Err…do I know you?"
Nemu blinked a few times at Ichigo if uncertain about something. Finally she nodded as small smile came to her face. "Yes"
A few feet back Uryu looked away from his conversation with Chad and Orhime in shock as he recognized the person Ichigo was speaking to.
"Sorry, I don't really remember…" Ichigo started to say but was cut off as Nemu grabbed a hold of him and gave him a deep passionate kiss.
Several students and all of Ichigo's friends stared in shock as the girl held him down kissing him while Ichigo struggled to break free. Keigo Asano started stuttering in disbelief while Mizuiro Kojima looked quite surprised.
"Wow. I guess Ichigo is popular with the ladies"
Ichigo finally managed to pry Nemu off, pushing her back a few feet. Trying to catch his breath he looked over at her.
"What did you do that for?"
"Nemu" Ishida called running over besides her. "What are you doing here? …And why are you kissing him?" he added on quickly.
"Because I love him"
Stunned silence followed from both males at those words.
"No! The only one who can love Ichigo-kun is me!"
Ichigo had only enough time to turn slightly around as Orihime Inoue leaped on him and began giving him kisses of her own.
"Inoue …stop. What's wrong with you?" the young man stammered as he kept twisting his head trying to avoid his friend's lips.
"Ichigo-kun. You're always so brave and strong. You never give up and let nothing stop you. I've always had feelings for you but have never been brave enough to confess them. Until now. Please tell me that you feel the same Ichigo. After all we are the one true pairing!"
Ichigo tried to form a response but was finding hard to focus as Inoue's body along with her large breasts, were now pressed against his body in a tight hug.
"Jeez, what is wrong with you?" Tatsuki muttered in disbelief as she had to use all her strength and fighting skill to get her best friend off of Ichigo. "You can't do that to Ichigo"
"Thank you Tatsuki" Ichigo said with relief.
"Besides, I'm the one he really wants!"
Said relief was immediately replaced by an out of control twitching eye.
Tatsuki turned and smiled at him. "We've known each other for years. Besides I'm way hotter then those two. I'll even prove it."
Giving a seductive wink, Tatsuki gave a light kiss on the side of Ichigo's cheek. Then she reached down with her hands towards her school uniform shirt and slowly began to pull it off.
Orihime gave her friend a mean look. "No fair Tatsuki. That's cheating!" As such the girl began pulling off her own shirt as well.
Ichigo hands flew up in front of his face at the two girl taking their clothes off. At the same moment, Uryu and Chad snapped out of their own stupors and restrained the two girls to stop them. Sadly, this just left Ichigo open for another girl to glomp on to him.
"Ichigo, you're my soul mate! Take me!" Chizuru screamed.
Every male in hearing distance had their jaw drop in shock at the red haired lesbian's declaration. It also pushed Keigo into code red of his panic mode.
"Wh-Wh-Wh-Wha-What!?" the youth stammered. "What is all this? First, this weird lady shows up and starts making out with Ichigo. Then he has Orihime and Tatsuki fighting over him. Now he's done the impossible and converted Chizuru. What in the world is going on? Tell me!"
Before Ichigo could do anything about Keigo, he was beaten to the punch. Literally.
"Hi there, I'm Mizuho Asano" the new girl introduced herself as she lowered her fist and walked across her still twitching brother. Mizuho leaned in so that Ichigo could get a good look at her entire body. "I have a thing for guys with orange hair"
At this moment, it seemed like every school girl of Karakura High School was in this one spot and every one of them was trying to get to the same substitute shinigami.
"Ichigo, I love you"
"You have the most beautiful eyes"
"Please gave me a kiss"
"Let me bear your children!"
"Hey, Ichigo's mine!"
"I saw him first!"
"As if!"
"I'm the sexiest one here!"
"You want to fight?"
"Bring it on!"
As every girl poured into Ichigo at all sides trapping him, his friends were unable to assist as there were many girls to fight off. All they could do was watch as they got more and more shocked with each comment. Or sickened, in a few cases.
"Ichigo," his female teacher called out from one of the classroom windows. "Report to me for detention. You've been a naughty boy and I have to punish you"
Such as that one for example.
Amidst the pile of girls trying to grab Ichigo and all sides as well the tearing of clothing being heard as they struggled against one another, Ichigo finally managed to sum up his thoughts on the current situation with a simple phrase.
"What the hell?"