Profile Contents:

1. About me
3. My Favourites: What, why and by whom
4. Comments

About me

I'm a straight male. I'm not going to reveal much more about me personally than that.

As for me as a writer, I need to thank Lord of the Land of Fire, a brilliant writer who inspired my first story, Sasuke's Kage. That said, I'm not trying to be a rip-off, these stories are mine, though if you look closely you'll find that they have shout outs to other works. I don't do this conciously, I consider these references a tribute to all the writers I admire. My updates are irregular, I could be publishing nothing for months and then spewing out a chapter a day, but I will finish what I start. Nothing is more annoying than reading a really good story and then finding out the author has stopped writing. With regards to that, I finally, after a massive, massive writers block returned to working on 'Don't Press Dat', hopefuly leaving me able to pump out another chapter in the next week or so.

Pairing wise, my personal one true pairing is Naruto x Hinata, as I think they're ultra cute together, but I'm not too fanatical about it. Just because there are people out there that don't share my opinion, doesn't mean I want them to burn in hell for it. Other than that, I'm not stuck on any particular pairs, although I do prefer canonical ones.

I do not bash or flame. I will criticize, but only when I can justify it to both me and (hopefully) the target of my ire. I try to make people better writers, but if, for whatever reason, you feel my comments were unfounded, give me your reasons as to why they were unfounded instead of a barrage of curses and assorted junk. I have better things to do with my time than read swear words, although if you must, try to be original. I can always use a bigger vocabulary.

My avatar shows two A-10 'warthogs' in case you were wondering. They have no connection to anything I've published (so far), they're only here because they combine two of my likes; dakka & flying. My name is from a cameo of me in 40k Toyhammer, I liked the character so much I changed my profile name to match.

And lastly:

Warhammer 40000 orks are the best race evha! Anyone who disagrees gets their head split by a choppa! WHAAAAGH!

2. Favourites; what, why and by whom.

This is a bit of an expansion on the stories under the 'my favourites' tab down below. Now, to get on my list, stories must meet certain requirements, so every story has at least the following:

One: Proper, normal English sentences. Many writers have good or even brilliant plotlines and then demolish them with terrible spelling and/or grammar. It doesn't have to be perfect, just decent.

Two: Originality. There are thousands of cliche fics out there that have nearly identical plotlines. Each one of my favourite stories is unlike any of my other favourite stories, even though that might not be completely apparent at first. They all have something that makes them better than the 'standard' story (in my opinion), either because they are extremely well done, or because they have something so awesome, so heartwarming, or otherwise an outstanding feature, that I couldn't help but take notice. The mediocre stories I have read are all very fun and nice, but lack that certain something required to make it to this list.

Three: The author must not kill it or finish with an end summary. Some of the best stories I have read ended in a huge letdown due to the author being to lazy to finish it. Any stories that have an end summary or die are immediately removed from my list. On a side note, I don't mind it when someone takes a break and puts a story on hiatus, as long as they resume writing again one day.

I always presume writers are male here. If you are a female, and on the list, drop me a note and let me know. I'll fix it ASAP.

The stories are sorted by their canon in the following order:
-Warhammer (both 40k and FB)
-Neon Genesis Evangelion
-Naruto
-Other canons.

40k: Toyhammer (Warhammer 40k)

One of the original 'minihammer' fics. I have a cameo of myself in this story, no prizes for guessing who I am. The story is about a guy who comes home one day to find several races from 40k in his living room. However, what appears to be a freak event soon turns out to be something far more insidious... INCOMPLETE

There is a far bigger plot than just 'Oh-lets-make-my-figurines-come-to-life-and-that's-it.' Tyranids and Necron lovers will have to wait and see though, they've only appeared in omakes so far. Oh, and the Emperor appears in this one. It has it's own dedicated facebook page with fans, but it would seem the author is kind of leaving us to flounder. I'm not officially calling quits on this thing just yet, but I am fearing the worst.

Rougepsyker gave me a massive ego stroke by just placing me in his story, but there's more to him than that. Excellent plot, some grimdark, proper use of English, hilarious omakes, and a decent update speed make this a beautiful jewel of a story.

40k Toyhammer omake by Silvertie (Warhammer 40k)

Exactly what it says on the tin. This fic follows the exploits of a certain Grey Knight who isn't quite right in the head. INCOMPLETE(?)

Just plain hilarious, it's nice extra content for the real 40k Toyhammer story.

Silvertie is a co-writer for the original fic, and his story is just as well written as the original. Not a lot of updates recently though, he might have stopped writing in favour of helping Rougepsyker.

I did it (Warhammer 40k)

Abbaddon encounters the being responsible for the failure of his latest crusade, and no matter what he tries it will not be swayed by anything he offers. Just because you have gods on your side it doesn't mean there are no bigger fish... COMPLETE.

A decent crack fic, it gives a very humorous take on the Warp's property of reflecting emotions. Certain fluff fanatics may even recognise a certain being who has a name beginning with M in one of the lead characters.

Lord Ironwolf has some very well written one-shots about life in the grim-dark future, I particularly recommend 'Squiggy Bitz' next to this one.

The Assassin (Warhammer 40k)

An eye of Tzeentch, a deamon, two guardsmen, a guardswoman, an ork and a grot stand against something that wiped out every other living thing on the planet, down to the bacterial level. And no, it's not Necron. Grimdark meets crazyawesome in nearly every chapter. COMPLETE

It contains a good dose of violence, some orky sillyness and a semi-schizophrenic author. And it's not even a crack-fic! It even has a decent plot, so there. Sequel is out, but I find the original better.

Ddep has a very original first person writing style, that alone makes it worth your time (or at least mine). Of course there is more to him than that, but I personally think this is his best feature. He is a beta reader, though be warned of his perfectionism.

Kasrkin (Warhammer 40k)

Very dark tale of an elite of the Imperium stranded on board a ship infested with chaos, xeno, and something even worse. Dark, gory, dark, frightening as hell and did I mention dark yet? Also, horror. Lots of horror, in almost every shape and form, although creepy orphan twins have yet to be spotted. COMPLETE.

Very interesting look at the 'forgotten' elites of the Imperium, the Kasrkin. If you have no idea what I'm going on about, just read the first chapter of this fic, which by the way also serves as a decent intro for the uneducated into the Warhammer 40000 universe.

Trying out to be a professional writer, Lord Mandalore covers all the bases excellently. I can only hope for more.

Lord Drake's Misadventures (Warhammer 40k)

Follow the Khornate chaos lord Drake of the Black Draconis Legion as he and his involuntary sidekicks make complete and utter fools of themselves as well as the rest of the 40k verse and more. Contains, among other things, a pimp Necron, British Tyranids, Pimp my Golf Cart, a female God-Emperor, a male God-Emperor, and Baneblades dropping on people's heads. You have been warned. COMPLETE

Funny as hell, and it even has something of a plot! Much to the surprise of the cast, I might add. Oh, and it has a talking, gaming dragon. No, that's not a typo.

Vyce Dryke has a sequel in the works, though I like this work better.

The Space Marine Commandements (Warhammer 40k)

As written down in the Codex Astartes by Roboute Guilliman. After a nightly drinking contest with Leman Russ. COMPLETE(?)

About as funny as Space Marines can get, while remaining completely serious and in character. I could really see these in the Codex Astartes, being those rules that make absolutely no sense whatsoever until you realise that someone, somewhere, was actually stupid enough to try it. A real-life example would be a law in California: 'It is illegal to harpoon whales from a driving car.'

Lord Mandalore cannot take all the credits for this one, as it started its life on some random forum, steadily growing to the list it is today.

Orkz Win (Warhammer 40k)

Read the title. Because really, that's all there is to be said. COMPLETE

This formed the basis for my own version. It may sound arrogant, I know, but I think my version is better. Go and judge for yourself if you don't believe me.

Fist of Russ has, by all indications, stopped writing. Too bad, but to be honest, I won't miss him. If you happen to be Fist of Russ: sorry dude, but it's the truth.

Herald of the Void (Warhammer 40k/Familiar of Zero)

It had failed to conquer Medusa V. Therefore, it was to be punished. What other reason would the C'Tan have to assume the form of a spoiled, teenage human? In a school full of human mages? With only him as bodyguard? COMPLETE.

Plays a lot of details straight, it is a lot darker than the Lolcron story. If you're looking for a more serious crossover look no further, though it still falls into the humor genre. It's plot premise is a bit heavy on the Warhammer 40k end of the scale, but given the power disparity this is inevitable.

Nim Maj is taking this challenge seriously, with a well thought out plot ready. I can only hope for improvement in the future.

Shinji and Warhammer 40k (Neon Genesis Evangelion/Warhammer 40k)

A young Shinji finds a case. The contents of that case are the starters guide plus several armies of warhammer 40k. This little change at the start transforms the greatest puss of all animedom into the hero of the century, the leader of millions, and, if he's not carefull, THE GOD-EMPEROR OF MANKIND. Gendo, there is not a word in the human language capable of describing how screwed you are. There might be one in Eldar though. They're assholes like that. INCOMPLETE.

Where to start? The genius plot change, oh so simple yet oh so well done? The chainsword the size of an apartment block? The fact that it redefines EPIC? (Yes, in capitol bolded slanted letters. If it wasn't in ASCII I'd put it in red and on fire atop Mount Everest with lightning in the background too. That's the sort of concept I'm trying to get across here). Makes for one heck of a ride, provided you have the time. It is also referred to as 'shout outs the fanfic', but Bephin manages to weave them into the story so seamlessly you don't need to know all the works that are referenced just to have a good time.

While there is a problem here and there with spelling, there are two reasons I'm forgiving Charles Bephin. For one, the sheer mind-bending genius of the plot. Two, the length of the tale. 700,000 words plus. That's longer than the final Harry Potter book. Heck, probably longer than Harry Potter 7 and 6 combined. I dare you to beta that. Takes a while to update, but given that the chapters easily contain about 20,000 words each, it's not that bad.

Dr Strangelove (Neon Genesis Evangelion)

Any, and I really mean any info I put here would spoil too much. Be prepared for a Shinji unlike any ever seen before! COMPLETE sadly.

An absolutely hilarious one-shot, that really should be the basis for a longfic. I pray for the day this one becomes a series.

Rorschach's blot is a genius one-shot writer, and it's just too bad he doesn't have any longfics that catch my interest (yet).

Chicks dig giant robots (Neon Genesis Evangelion)

Shinji is not the kid Gendo wants him to be. The next chapter of Dr Strangelove? Well, I'll leave that up to you to decide. COMPLETE

Done by Rorschach's blot, on the same level as Dr Strangelove. 'Nuff said.

As with his other works, extremely well done, the only 'bad' (for want of a better term) thing is it's a one-shot.

NGE: Nobody Dies (Neon Genesis Evangelion)

Certain deaths in the past are prevented. The result? A semi-normal (if still a wussy) Shinji, a different completely f* up Asuka and a Rei unlike any ever seen before. Also, Kensuke knocks out an angel with an aircraft door. What NGE should have been in my opinion. INCOMPLETE.

I dislike the original NGE (too depressing) and the only reason I watched it is because of fics like these. That said the writer recognises that making changes doesn't necessarily mean that everything is better, for example Asuka has just as many problems as canon, if not more, albeit a different set of problems. The humour is great, the fights are awesome, and some of the stuff Rei does is just beyond the impossible. Top of the list is the 'wuffletron', followed closely by an event with PVC piping, Kensuke, a turnip and an angry polar bear. Then there is the fact that Asuka's sister can shoot lasers from her body, and Misato shoots Adam (yes, THE Adam) in the face with a giant death ray.

Gregg Landsman isn't really one writer, but more a collective of writers operating under the same name. They actively work together to improve the story and it shows. There is a forum on spacebattles dot com where an active discussion regarding the plot is going on, with sneak previews of new chapters to boot. It is part of a larger continuation, including the Gurren Lagann universe, Mass Effect (alternate) universe, and more. Note that this doesn't mean they're all in the same universe, just that those universes cross over a lot.

A Ninja's Guide to Surviving High School (Naruto)

Welcome to Konoha Ninja high school, where young adults deal with budding relationships, first missions and the occasional studying. However, with a snake stirring in the shadows and the red clouds rising, growing up may prove to be far more of a challenge than anyone could have thought. COMPLETE.

Very deep fic, about the impact of training kids to be killing machines. It starts when the main characters are a more realistic 17-18, twisting the original canon into something very different, but ultimately the same. Warning, there are character deaths, though you won't see it coming until the last second. Somewhat sad, with lighter tones occasionally shining through. The author puts the end in about what I would call halfway through, but a sequel is in the works!

JA-japster writes for a living. He writes (insert drums here) manuals, adverts, and all those exciting things. He also writes very decent fiction, you can find some of his original work via a link on his page.

My wish order brother (Naruto)

Deidera raises Naruto after accidentally blasting himself to Konoha. Chaos and hilarity ensue. As do explosions. Lots and lots of explosions. INCOMPLETE.

A well thought out and occasionally hilarious story. Addresses my need for explosives EVERYWHERE! :laughs maniacally: Ahem. Sorry about that. This is better than it sounds, believe me. The gorier bits are not for those with a weak stomach though, it's rated M for a reason.

Done by Piperdreamer, updated about a chapter every two months or so. I checked out the man's profile, and I'm honestly not surprised he's slow. He's gotta be working on a dozen stories or so at once! Man, I'm having trouble with just three.

The way of the Geisha (Naruto)

Cloud is somewhat successful in their plot to kidnap the Hyuuga Heir... Somewhat. Years later, a blonde ninja meets a geisha girl with white eyes, the infamous blind Hinata.

Very interesting new take on the canon characters, with just a little change. I can't help but love it for it's original take on the Naruto manga. Highly recommended for those who read the book 'memoirs of a geisha', but you don't need to have read that to just enjoy this wonderful tale.

Fans of Bleach should check out chancewriter's page, she's got several fics set in that universe. Takes a slow, dramatic approach to storytelling.

Team 8 (Naruto)

Naruto is selected for team 8 instead of Kiba. I know this has been done before, but this is different in two very important ways: It is Kurenai who instigates the team swap, and not because Naruto has suddenly gained new abilities or something other than Kage Bunshin. The team change is the focal point of this story instead of 'background' development due to changes on Naruto's part. Two: an absolutely shocking plot twist in chapter 20. INCOMPLETE.

The excellent writing style combined with well thought out and completely realistic characterisation, along with the massive plot twist recently make for one heck of a ride. Just read it and you'll see what I mean.

S'TarKan is probably one of the better known names in Naruto fanfiction, and there is a good reason for that. His writing is excellent and the plot is well thought out. This may possibly be dead.

A few Angry Words(Naruto)

Neji says a few things he did not in the original timeline. The revelations and promises that follow will change the fate of the world. COMPLETE.

Because this was done by the man who originally got me interested in fanfiction I gave this one a shot, and was subsequently hooked. Characterisation is this fic's strong point, and it manages to utilise it's potential to the fullest.

Lord of the Land of Fire is in fact starting completely original stories nowadays to try out as a professional writer. I do hope he succeeds, event though that means I'm going to have to pay for his work. The man deserves it with all the effort he's put in writing so far, although I hope he manages to fix the problems he has with writing fighting scenes.

Curse of a Hanyou, Love of an Angel (Naruto)

Due to the sealing, Naruto gains some unexpected extras, most notably a tail, two furry ears and a set of claws. Now even more scorned than in canon, how will the little hanyou survive? INCOMPLETE

I love these furry Naruto fics, and it makes me sad that there are almost no good ones. This one is one of the few that are good though, with a realistic plot and decent balance between heartwarming and the darker, edgier tone when compared with the original canon.

Seamon has indicated that he's not new to writing, even though there are no other works from him besides this one on his profile. Still, his writing is good enough that I believe him, so there. An update about every month or so, sometimes faster.

It's a small world after all (Harry Potter)

Harry Potter finds some use for his telepathic connection to the dark lord... COMPLETE

It's a short, funny joke. Probably the only Harry Potter fic I'll ever put in my favourites.

dawn257 is not someone who I see writing a long fic, but hey, who cares about that? Haven't read any of his other stories yet.

Justice (Code Geass/Call of Chtuhlu/Resident Evil/Neon Genesis Evangelion/...more?)

Thought that the Code Geass world was a bad place to live in? Well it's paradise compared to this AU. Just the crossovers listed should give one a fair impression of what it's like, but have no fear: Zero has a cunning plan. INCOMPLETE.

It contains varying amounts of horror and action, but what I like best is the fact that there is every bit the chance Chtuhlu will be punched in the face. Maybe even rocket punched. The author has genuinely conveyed the feeling that just maybe, things will turn out okay.

Slayer-Anderson is working. Do not disturb. In all seriousness, SA is a decent writer, just a little slow to update.

The Kiss (Pokemon)

A Gardevoir has feelings for her trainer, but is unsure if they are mutual. COMPLETE.

Not exactly what I normally read, but it's a masterpiece. Extremely heartwarming romance story, so don't read this if you're interested in lulz or action.

mgunh1 is probably forced on a hiatus soon, so no sequel on the horizon as of yet. I hope for it though.

Left behind: The forgotten Bolo (Bolo series)

A sentient super tank activates on a forgotten planet, left behind by his creators to live free of any constraints. As it prowls the surface for more than a century, it suddenly picks up a signal coming from outer space. Follow the Bolo 'Alexei' as it tries to find a place to call his own. INCOMPLETE

This fic manages to capture the spirit of a Bolo well, as in being a big kicker of ass while still being a child at heart. Quite funny at times where it is not expected.

Written by the mysterious KE7CDM, who has an empty profile. Last update was several months ago.

Bolo XL (Doctor Who/Bolo Series)

On the futility of war, how deceiving appearances can be, and why one should never get involved in a war if one can avoid it. COMPLETE.

A serious piece, it is food for thought. I could ramble on about philosophy here now, but that'd take up too much room. Suffice to say, don't read this if you're here for some light entertainment.

Phantazm to me seems about as quirky as Doctor Who, but seeing as this site is largely a vent for him, I guess he's more collected in real life. He deems himself supremely intelligent, along the lines of Shakespeare and Marlowe. His fics are certainly aimed for those with higher education.

Top Gear Halo (Top Gear/Halo)

Hello and welcome! On tonight's show: What is the best military vehicle today? *Warthog going round the hammerhead* The cool wall gets shot at with a rocket launcher. *Explosion* And Hammond loses a bet. *Richard Hammond dressed in pink Halo Armour* COMPLETE

Do I even need to explain this? Excellent characterization of the Top Gear men, though because they respawn a couple of times it failed to immerse me completely. If you imagine them using paintball weapons instead it creates a better experience in my opinion.

Dajun - Shinespark is a fan of various things that he somehow manages to mesh quite well. I have no idea how fast he updates (Top Gear Halo was complete when I ran into it) but he himself admits that he is slow.

Ours (Bokurano/Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann)

Whomever runs the show of the Bokurano universe made a massive mistake. Those who know the Spirals know why.

Really, if you have just a passing familiarity with Bokurano, try this one to snap you out of the depressive funk of that show.

Haven't really read much else of SEG-CISR's works. I fear he has stopped writing though.

4. Comments: A section where I can talk about a variety of things, mostly aimed at novice writers. I try to help by giving practical tips and giving names of fics where you can find examples.

On the First Law of Fanfiction and the Rationalist Fanfiction Principle: The following is not mine, it is from "Less Wrong," author of "Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality", although I did some modifying here and there. This bit of information is something I completely agree with and I find that if you yourself want to write something, this is something you should take to heart.

The First Law of Fanfiction states that every change which strengthens the protagonists requires a corresponding worsening of their challenges. Or in plainer language: You can't make Frodo a Jedi without giving Sauron the Death Star.

Read any book on writing ever and it will tell you that stories are about conflict; a hero too strong for their conflict is no longer in tense, heart-pounding difficulty. For example, Dark!Dumbledore and Dark!Harry both permit a Harry strengthened over canon - the first by turning one of Harry's canon allies against him, and the second by turning Harry against his canon allies. The most spectacular application of this principle that I've seen is Harry Potter and the Wastelands of Time, in which Harry has gained all the knowledge of ancient Atlantis and has been through literally hundreds of Peggy Sue cycles in which he learns every possible twist of fate... and Voldemort, who unfortunately got to Atlantis first, has still won every time. The Mary Sue is not defined by her power, but by her lack of an even more powerful opponent. I mention this (1) so that you know I know it and (2) because the First Law of Fanfiction ought to be in a giant banner on every fanfiction site. The most fatal temptation of fanfiction writing is to think of how much easier some character's life would be if they were a ninja. We are naturally inclined to think up ways to solve our characters' problems for them, but must learn instead to make their lives more difficult. Even Halo: Finishing the Fight has this; when the MC is equipped with his Mjolnir armor, some Demons still give him trouble and even though it might not seem so at first glance this is a good thing. Not for the Chief of course, but for the reader.

The Rationalist Fanfiction Principle states that rationality is not magic; being rational does not require magical potential or royal bloodlines or even amazing gadgets, and the principles of rationality work for understandable reasons. A rationalist!hero should excel by thinking - moreover, thinking in understandable patterns that readers can, in principle, adopt for themselves. As opposed to the hero just being a born "genius" who comes up with amazing gadgets through an opaque discovery process, or who pulls off incredibly complicated gambits that would fail miserably if the reader tried something similar in real life. (Albeit that if, for some reason, you want to depict an eleven-year-old knowing all that rationality stuff, he must be extremely bright for his age level, which in turn has further implications. And no matter how bright he is, he'll still have problems - but problems for the hero are always a good thing, right?)

On Constructive Criticism: How there is a difference between trolling, hate mail, and true constructive criticism.

As soon as you make something, one day, someone, somewhere is not going to like it. It is a fact of life, and it's just something which you should be able to take when you post something on this site. If you can't, cry me a river and then get. Off. The. Site. Don't start saying how you hate people who dislike your work, don't declare them Satan and never, ever retaliate by trolling their own stories or suchlike. That will only show that you are a baby who takes these messages way too seriously. The internet is anonymous, so people tend to be a lot nastier than in real life, so don't take it personally. What you need to do is simple: Take a look through the review. Is there anything in there that isn't swear words or abuse? If not, you've got yourself a flamer, someone who dislikes your story purely because you killed their favorite character, don't ship their favorite couple, or didn't ruin the life of someone they hate. You can safely ignore these. Pay them no mind. Should the reviewer insist, block him/her, again it's nothing personal, they're just being a troll, basically an advanced kind of flamer

If however the reviewer actually claims to have a point, take a closer look. Say the gist of a review full of swear words is that X and Y would never get together so quickly. Consider the following: if confronted with the situation you place your characters in, say seeing your love interest bathing naked, how would the character react? Scream? Faint? Run away? Join him/her? Take into account how much characters know about one another, their ages, their personalities, and most importantly: Don't just treat them as action figures who dance at your command (I could go on about this for much longer, but that's another comment). You should always keep in mind that maybe the reviewer is right, even though the review itself is loaded with swear words, insults and more.

Another kind of review that is hated a lot is the 'Grammar Nazi' kind. If you get one, DO! NOT! IGNORE! Nothing breaks the flow of a story as much as a badly misspelled word or shaky grammatical construct. Just go back and fix it. This, in my opinion, is the most stupid kind of review to hate. There seriously is no reason why; these reviewers are so obviously trying to help you, hating them is kind of like dangling of a cliff and then feel offended when someone offers a hand.

Lastly, for some strange reason reviewers are just as insulted as some writers when confronted with the bad quality of their reviews.

On Naruto and Warhammer Crossovers: Why certain plotlines just work better than others.

Most crossovers try to make a member of the Imperium raise Naruto, which makes no sense whatsoever. First of, he is a mutant with his chakra system and all, second he contains a demon that can influence him, and lastly he's fanatically loyal to his village, not the Imperium, and therefore a heretic. A popular Imperial battle cry is "BURN THE MUTANT! PURGE THE UNCLEAN! KILL THE HERETIC!" Can you see what I'm driving at? The Imperium is about as likely to adopt Naruto as a brood of Tyranids or a Necron tomb host (or whatever you call a bunch of Necrons these days). Anything that is related to deamons, mutants and heterics is dealt with preferably via flamer of bolter. Orks on the other hand are willing to 'work' (for want of a better word) with pretty much everyone, provided they can get a good fight while they're at it. The Tau make sense as well, as they give people the option of joining them before they shoot them in the face, and the Eldar will happily work together with whomever serves their interests at the moment. Do realize that this is just the standard reaction of the civilians of the respective races I'm talking about here. Don't even get me started on the specialists such as the Kroot (om nom nom!) or the Space Marines (Blasphemy!). Read Kasrkin (on this site) and take note that the horror and the darkness of the story is nothing unusual and is insignificant compared to when the 40k universe becomes truly nasty. That kind of place does not promote a positive view on anything even remotely linked to a demon such as the Kyuubi to put it mildly.