Henderson: The following is a fan-written parody. Harry Potter is property of J.K Rowling and is published by Bloomsbury Publishing and Arthur A. Levine Books. Hellsing Ultimate is property of Kouta Hirano and Studio Madhouse, and licensed by Geneon, Madman Entertainment, Manga Entertainment, and Funimation. Hellsing Ultimate Abridged is the collaborative effort of TeamFourStar. Please support the Official Release.

Fargason: Well disclaimed, Captain.

Henderson: Thank you, sir!

When the Wizarding War ended abruptly in 1990, the forces of good had triumphed over the forces of evil thanks in no small part to Crimson Fuckery. However, while most Death Eaters who weren't killed by Dumbledore, Moody, or various Potters, Prewetts, Weasleys, and Longbottoms went to jail for their crimes, the smarter ones managed to weasel their way out thanks to such things as wealth, prestige, and snitching.

Some of these smart Death Eaters were so successful in their Houdini-esque escape of karma, that they actually found themselves in the very positions of power they tried to take by force. Many found comfortable jobs in the Ministry of Magic, while some held onto their vast wealth and influence. Others even gained fame and fortune for telling of their experiences as Death Eaters.

Almost all, however convinced they were of Lord Voldemort's demise, at the very least still believed in the cause they championed: the elimination of muggle-born wizards and the subjugation/extermination of all muggles everywhere.

Avery was a second generation Death Eater, the son of one of the original founding Death Eaters back when they were known by the much cooler name, "The Knights of Walpurgis". Back during the war he had a modest showing, didn't die, and got out of jail with a "I was Mind Controlled" defense. After that, he went to work in the Ministry as a license maker, and made life for many a mudblood a living hell by making them jump extra hoops for certifications.

All-in-all, he made it out quite well, he had no complaints about his life now. But as with Houdini and death, karma caught up with him in the form of a very scary masked man dressed in black, who was currently holding his head under a barrel full of rainwater.

Had Avery a wand, or his hands not tied behind his back, he probably would've been able to cast a charm to protect himself from this, but he didn't. Instead, he had to wait for the masked man to pull him out of the water before he aspirated too much of it.

"You know, Mr. Avery, this is every bit as unpleasant for me as it is for you," he said in a droll-sounding voice.

The masked man was a young-looking one in his late twenties or early thirties dressed in a slim black jacket, pants, and a black scarf that hung loosely around his neck. He had slick, shoulder-length black hair that framed his face well. The mask that covered his eyes, nose–with long tear-like streaks that ran down his cheeks–made him look intimidating enough.

"My jacket's sleeves are getting wet and it's rather cold in this barn."

"What… what in Merlin's name… is wrong with you?!" the assaulted and confused wizard demanded. He had every right to be the latter, he'd been walking from his office to the floo so he could get home from a long day of sticking it to the muddies, when this arsehole suddenly had him in a full nelson.

And now he was being steadily drowned, and it was not pleasant.

"Word on the cobblestone streets, is that you and a few of your Death Eater friends have been meeting up in secret when you've long claimed to have been under Imperius during that particularly unpleasant time and should have no desire to do it again," the masked man said. "Tell me, what's all that about?"

"I-I don't have to explain myself to you-!"

"Explain it to the barrel, then." With that, Avery was dunked face-first into the water again. After about seven seconds, he was yanked back out.

"Sorry if the barrel's not much of a conversationalist, it is an amazing listener, though."

"Y-you're mad!" the former Death Eater screamed through a mouthful of water.

"Not particularly. A madman would be using Cruciatus to get what he wants out of you. Do you want me to be a madman?"

That seemed to change Avery's tune just a little bit. "W-we meet, yes… j-just outside Hogsmeade… near the school!"

"How many of you?" the masked man asked.

"There are ten of us!"

"That's quite the number, who would've thought that so many of you would meet as Death Eaters after being under Imperio? Is it something you do to cope? Because I can understand."

The masked man pulled back the drenched jacket sleeve of his left arm, revealing a brand of a snake protruding from a skull's mouth. "All this is how I deal with my time in."

Seeing it, Avery grew wide-eyed and tried to look back at his assailant. "What the devil…?!"

The sleeve was yanked down, and the masked man grabbed Avery again in preparation to dunk him back in the bucket. "Why Hogsmeade, Avery? And don't try to lie."

"B-because one of our own is on the inside at Hogwarts! He's seen the Dark Lord! He knows that he still lives!"

"How often do you meet?" he asked.

"Once every full moon, s-since October!" Avery yelped.

"Why haven't the Dark Marks been activated?"

"B-because it's too close to the school!"

The masked man stopped, and rested his head against the side of Avery's. After a moment, he seemed to tense up. "Bollocks… you're telling the truth."

Avery looked towards the masked man in disbelief. "L-Legilimency?! What was the point of the barrel?!"

"Because it's hard to do Occlumency when you're busy being drowned you pillock," the masked man said.

He then looked to the barrel. "And on that specific note, it's time we end our association, Mr. Avery."

Avery began to struggle. "Y-you can't do this! I'm an employee of the Ministry! Who… who do you think you are?!"

The masked man suddenly shoved Avery forward, stopping with his head just inches above the surface of the rain barrel's filthy water, and leaned close.

"I'm the Half-Blood Prince," he quietly replied, before shoving his head under the water.

As Avery began to kick and struggle, the masked man pulled back and waved his hand, freezing the water solid and trapping his head underneath. Producing a single lily, he tossed it upon the struggling man's back as his struggles began to cease.

After casting a charm to dry out his jacket, the Half-Blood Prince ran his fingers through his slick hair and hummed. "The next meeting's a few weeks away. Well, at least it will give me time to prepare treats for everyone."

Harry Potter and the Endless Night
Chapter 6: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Kill Them

Since the dust up with Fluffy, Harry, Hermione, and Ron had taken to spending time with Hogwarts' resident half-giant and gamekeeper Hagrid after all bygones were made bygones. On days where they didn't have class at tea time, the could be invariably found at his homely little shack either by themselves, in pairs, or all together, enjoying excellent tea brewed by a proper British butler and cakes that may or may not have been made out of rock.

In all honesty, Harry and Hermione were a tad wary to try them–Ron enjoyed them plenty enough, though.

On this particularly nice day in early May, all three students were joined by Neville in their daily ceremony. The young Gryffindor had only recently found out of the tea meetings, and at Ron's insistence he shyly joined them.

"Good ter see yeh in high spirits again, Hermione!" Hagrid said cheerfully to the young witch as Harry served the two of them some tea. "Yeh bin so quiet an' sad these last few months."

Hermione smiled. "Well, it took some adjusting, but everyone has been wonderfully supportive in Ravenclaw. And during Easter Break I began volunteering."

Hagrid grinned. "Joined th' Muggle Guides, eh?"

Hermione let out a small giggle. "Oh no, something a little more involved…"

During Easter Break

A hail of bullets tore apart a target at the end of a firing range. On the other end of the range, dressed as a Victorian Maid as Carlotta tended to be, Hermione released the trigger of the empty P90 submachine gun she clutched properly in both hands.

Just behind her, Harry and Integra broke into light applause.

"W-wow," Hermione said as she looked down at the gun, "This… this has quite the kick."

"But you held on marvelously," Integra said, "So what do you think? Your style?"

Hermione hummed as she considered how she handled the gun. "Can I try the Stechkin again?"

And now the present

"… And it has proven extremely effective in helping me recover from what happened."

Her gaze kind of darkened. "Though there is still a need."

She took a sip of tea and brightened. "Excellent tea as usual, Harry!"

Harry had finished pouring Neville's cup, and returned to his seat. "Thank you."

"That's me girl, yeh're strong as yeh're smart!" Hagrid congratulated, to which Hermione beamed.

Neville, who kinda, sorta, passive-aggressively blamed the tragedy on Harry due to the fact that violence seemed to follow him everywhere, had a foreboding suspicion that Hermione's post-trauma therapy involved being mixed up with whatever Harry was. Still, it seemed to really help put her back towards being the girl she was at the beginning of the year instead of the quiet recluse she was between Christmas and Easter Break, so he wasn't going to complain about it.

Now, Ron on the other hand, had been completely morose for the last three days as if someone had murdered his parents. Even now, as he nursed his cup of tea, he appeared ready to cry.

The reason? Well, it was so relatively mundane that Neville found it a cherished breather from all the other intensity.

"What 'bout yeh, Ron? Why the long face?" Hagrid asked as he too noticed that Ron seemed very little interest in anything, not even the rock cake he tore into like a challenge to all dentists everywhere.

Ron looked up. "Oh, it's just… I can't find Scabbers anywhere. He's completely vanished."

"That's no good!" Hagrid said. "I know a thing 'bout losin' a pet."

He sighed lamentably. "I 'ad me a Norwegian Ridgeback. Named 'im Norbert… then word got out, Slughorn 'ad me ship 'im off not a week after 'e hatched!"

"A dragon?" Hermione asked, aghast. "But owning one is illegal!"

"Don' be a narc, Hermione," Hagrid said.

"I'm not being a narc, I'm just saying they're illegal." Hermione crossed her arms. "Even I know that snitches get stitches."

Hagrid shook his head. "Wish I knew who ratted me out." He stopped when he saw Ron's head droop low again. "Oh, sorry there, Ron."

"You're fine," Ron said.

"We looked all over for him," Harry said, "Not even his older brothers in Gryffindor could help."

And the twins Fred and George could get anywhere in the school, an ability that vexed Harry even now. He needed to know their secret…

"Perhaps you could offer us some insight, Hagrid?" Harry continued.

"Aye, I know a bit 'bout Scabbers, a clever, old rat. Bin 'round since Bill an' Charlie were startin'. Hard to say what goes on in those beady eyes."

Hermione made a face. "That long? That rat must be beyond ancient!"

"Venerable, even," Neville said.

"Nuttin' strange 'bout it, magic creatures live lots longer o'er muggle sorts." He gestured to the extremely large Great Dane that had laid his head in Neville's lap the moment he sat down. "Ol' Fang 'ere, I 'ad 'im since the 70s."

The dog yawned, revealing vicious-looking teeth, before settling back to snore softly.

"Now if yeh wanna talk mys'try, I gots one fer yeh," Hagrid said. "Summat be killin' unicorns out 'ere in the Forest. Found 'nother one dead this morning, I did. Blood drained outta 'em."

Hermione, who liked Unicorns, gasped.

Neville, who loved Unicorns, nearly fainted.

Ron, who dreamed of being a Unicorn in his younger years because his sister loved them, nearly crushed the teacup in his hand.

Harry, who shared Ron's dream to this day, was mutedly aghast. "You would have to be awful evil to do that."

"Who… or what would do such a thing?!" Hermione demanded.

"I dunno, but would be nice if I 'ad some 'elp in findin' who," Hagrid said, before leaning in closer to Harry, "'int-'int."

Harry paused. "Oh, you want me to help you find the Unicorn Killer? Su-"

Ron slammed his fist on the table, and the whole shack shook. "BLOODY COUNT ME IN!"

Neville, who was now cradling a startled Fang in his lap as though he were another, more popular Great Dane, gaped at Ron after looking around at the shaking rafters of Hagrid's home.

Hermione was similarly startled… but now oddly fascinated by Ron.

Harry adjusted his tie, and nodded. "Of course, Hagrid, I'd love to assist you."

After all, with Alucard around and Hermione to train, it had been since Christmas since he hunted something with a pulse that needed to be stopped.

"I… I would like to come as well," Hermione said after finally tearing her eyes from the fist-shaped indent in the table left by Ron's punch.

She looked to Harry. "It's the sort of thing I've trained for, after all."

Neville knew it, Hermione was caught up in that mess! "Can I come, t-too?"

Everyone else in the shack, including Fang, looked at Neville in disbelief.

"Er…" Hagrid was looking for words to say, but saying the boy ought to not go because he was as soft as butter left to sit out for a few hours would've been unprofessional even for him.

Hermione was gentle with him. "Neville, I think this sort of thing might be dangerous."

"Yeah, mate," Ron agreed.

Neville bowed his head, quickly defeated. "I suppose you're right."

Hagrid, relieved that he didn't have to tell him no, reached over and patted Neville's small shoulder with his giant hand. "I know yeh worried 'bout yeh friends, but don' be. Harry an' Hermione are strong, and Ron's a got tha' Prewett Madness like 'is brothers, Uncles, and Mum."

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "Prewett Madness?"

"I promise, though," Harry said, "Whatever I kill out there, I'll have it stuffed and mounted for you, what do you say, Neville?"

Neville, who loved Unicorns but was still very concerned for his friends, nodded. "I… I suppose. You will be careful, right?"

Harry nodded. "I swear upon my magic, I will, and so will Hermione and Ron."

"You're bloody well right!" Ron said.

"Of course," Hermione said before she looked to Ron. "What's this about Prewett Madness?"

Ron shrugged his shoulders.

Neville, reassured, managed to smile and nod. Inside though, he had his still very valid concerns.

Outside the shack at that very moment, her ear close to the open window, Pansy Parkinson wore a beatific smile, before she discreetly pushed away from the side of the cabin and began skipping off towards the Forbidden Forest.

Down the path of the forest she trotted, heedless of the overwhelming danger that lurked within it, until she came onto a solitary figure that stood in a dark clearing with the light completely blocked by the trees. Hands folded behind her back, she bowed politely to the figure, that had its back to her.

"Ickle Harry is coming out tonight, Hagrid finally has had himself enough of cleaning up dead unicorns, my lord," she reported.

"Finally," the dark figure hissed back at her. "What perfect timing, as well…"

Pansy smiled. "Will we be destroying them?"

The figure raised a finger, "Of course! It will happen this very night."

Pansy nodded. "If I may, my lord, I have an idea to ensure it."

"Go on?" the raspy voice replied.

Pansy brought her hands up in front of her and clapped them together. "A hostage and meat shield. A foolish toad who can be easily tricked to coming here out of dire concern for his ickle friends."

"Longbottom?"

"Longbottom."

The raised finger quickly turned into a thumb's up. "Good shit. Get on that."

As Pansy was about to leave, the voice called out. "Oh, don't leave quite yet. I have a few gifts for you."

Pansy beamed. "A gift, for me?!"

The dark figure then tossed a flask over its shoulder to Pansy, who caught it. "When you're in mortal trouble, drink this."

Pansy caught it, and bowed again. "Thank you, my lord!"

"But that's not the best thing," the dark, awful figured declared.

"What could be better than this reassurance, my lord?"

"Why, a new pet."

A large object dropped from the trees and landed in front of Pansy, who did not jump back in fear or flinch. As she stared at the creature that appeared before her, she slowly looked up and grinned as many, many more creatures began to slowly descend towards her.

"Oh… my favorite," she purred happily.

Later in that afternoon, Dumbledore returned to his office after his usual afternoon of patrolling the school to mess around with student and staff alike in his usual cheery old manner. He shot the breeze with Minerva, watched the Hufflepuffs practice their quidditch (that new substitute seeker of theirs, Cedric Diggory, what a guy!), sat in on a potions class transfigured as a statue, broke up a fight between Percy Weasley and nine Slytherins (for the latter's sake), and nicked off to Hogsmeade for a pint with Carlotta while they reminisced about the war. All in all, his day was quite wonderful.

"Lemon drop?" The Half-Blood Prince offered the wizened old wizard the second he walked in.

And then it wasn't.

"Oh dear," Dumbledore said upon seeing the smartly dressed masked man seated at his desk. "Hello, Severus, I didn't think it would take you so long to get back."

"Well, it did take until about Christmas for certain news to reach me. Fancy that."

Dumbledore nodded. "Petunia told you, didn't she?"

"The very first owl I got from her, yes."

"Oh dear," Dumbledore repeated.

"After that it became readily apparent why I was wasting my time in Albania. He who I was looking for was most certainly not there anymore. When I return, I find out of more news that somehow took a great deal longer to reach me than it should have."

Dumbledore nodded. "I suppose you blame me for withholding that information."

"I could, but it wouldn't matter much, now would it?" The Half-Blood Prince asked.

"Not really; there is nothing you could do to me unless I let you."

The Half-Blood Prince agreed. "Yes, I'm most certainly not into that sort."

Dumbledore nodded, sadly.

He popped a lemon drop into his mouth before standing up. "All I really want to know is why."

"Severus… how many bodies have you left between here and Albania and back?" Dumbledore asked.

The Half-Blood Prince patted Fawkes on the head, before looking over. "Not enough."

"Exactly; the last thing Wizarding Britain needs is another mass-murdering Dark Wizard running around doing as he pleased."

The Half-Blood Prince seemed hurt by that. "Honestly, Professor, what do you take me for?"

"A revenge-driven maniac who will kill anyone in his way without hesitation."

"… True, but what do you know me as?"

"A revenge-driven maniac who will kill anyone evil in his way without hesitation. The problem is, my dear Severus, is that the war is ten years over and the people you're murdering left and right are either renounced or reformed," Dumbledore replied. "At least in the eyes of the general public."

"Yes, but as I'm sure you've divined in your old age… the general public are pillocks," The Half-Blood Prince argued.

Dumbledore let out a sigh. "You're much like a young Alastor, you know."

"Yes, and speaking of I visited him several weeks ago. He was quite happy to see me. We had tea, he gave me the whereabouts of Mr. Avery."

Who had been found face-down in a frozen barrel in a barn outside of London. Due to the proximity of the spate of human enemas given to cows, it had been written off as more of the same.

"This is what I was concerned over," Dumbledore said. There was quite the outcry over the death of the ex-Death Eater, particularly among other ex-Death Eaters.

"Worried that my mere presence will start another war with the Death Eaters? Well you'll be relieved to know that no such thing will happen." The Half-Blood Prince patted Fawkes again. "Young Mr. Potter's return to the Wizarding World did that all on its own."

He plucked a feather from the phoenix, who consented to the procedure. "I have simply rushed to join it."

As Dumbledore watched, The Half-Blood Prince tucked the feather into his jacket… before giving him a wry look. "And the battlefield is closer than you think."

With that, he disapparated, vanishing with a pop.

Staring at the empty spot, Dumbledore sighed. Severus Snape was always a brilliant lad, so much so that he offered him the position of Potions Master back in the day. Of course, with all of the torture and murder of other Dark Wizards creating a schedule conflict, he had to reluctantly decline.

Now he was back, performing his murderous trade in Britain again.

Dumbledore would be adjusting his robes awkwardly whenever he thought about it.

"Oh my dear Fawkes, if I were only fifty years younger," he lamented to his phoenix companion.

Later that evening, as the scattered clouds pulled back to reveal an ominously full moon, Argus Filch and Mrs. Norris left Hogwarts with three small robed figures following behind them in a straight line. It was Harry, Ron, and Hermione, being led to Hagrid's shack for their night patrol.

Under normal circumstances, Filch would be happy to be leading students off to the Forbidden Forest to leave them with Hagrid. Any child doing this sort of duty was being punished for some infraction of the rules and rightfully deserved the extremely high risk of dismemberment and death that came with setting foot in such an aptly named place. That these three were volunteering for this didn't sit right with him.

Not that he'd admit it. Appearances to uphold, and all.

"Night like this, with the moon full and the air so clear–good night for werewolves," Filch gruffly said.

"I've never actually killed a werewolf before," Harry admitted, "Hope they're not anything like the one my Grandfather fought."

"Oh, I'm sure they're worse," Filch warned.

Somewhere hidden off in Brazil, the sudden maniacal laughing of a Waffen-SS Captain who had been otherwise perfectly silent for the last 55 years sent his subordinates (and, surprisingly, his superiors) running for their very non-standard lives.

"What're yeh fillin' their heads with, Argus? Ain't werewolves in the forest!" Hagrid called over to the approaching group. "Not since Albus was through back in '93."

The very christmas after that incident, Hagrid got a new fur coat that was extraordinarily warm and comfortable. Filch too received such fine werewolf wares, but he gave them to his niece as a gift.

"Just telling them what sort of nonsense they might get into. That forest is full of evil things, wrong things. 'Specially if they're killing Unicorns." Flich sneered. "World's gone mad if something would kill something so pure–my niece loves those things."

He then scowled at Harry. "So you'd better find it and kill it so she'll have some to look forward to when she starts next year, boyo."

Harry wondered why Filch kept mentioning his niece to him. She loved Unicorns, Mrs. Norris, and was allegedly cute, so she couldn't be that bad.

"I certainly will," Harry assured him.

"Good lad," Filch said before nodding to Hagrid. "I'll be back for 'em in the morning, what's left anyway."

With that, the caretaker and his cat left, and a bemused Hagrid looked down at Harry. "Nicest I've ever seen him bin ter a student."

Ron scratched his ruddy hair. "That was nice?"

"Well, enough o' that. We 'ave work ter do," Hagrid then said before bringing up the lead with Fang on it. "Come now, I wanna show yeh summat."

Hagrid turned and walked into the forest, with Harry, Ron, and Hermione sticking much closer. It didn't feel like very long, but before they knew it they were in near pitch darkness–the dense leaves overhead all but blocking out the light of the moon. Shadows loomed around them, made longer and by the white light that shone from the tip of the umbrella that concealed Hagrid's wand, carried in the half-giant's free hand.

Ron swallowed nervously, as he scanned the darkness around him. He felt safe knowing Hagrid, Harry, and Hermione were close… but he was still just a normal student surrounded by monstrous people.

The group soon came upon something that glittered in the light cast by Hagrid's umbrella, a puddle of silvery liquid at the food of a tree.

"This here," Hagrid said, "Is Unicorn's blood. Fairly fresh, found lots of it spread 'round."

Harry knelt down close to it, before looking around. There were many such splotches of blood. "So it's wounded… walking…"

"Aye," Hagrid said. "The plan is we find it, an' if there be summat after it, we kill the beasty and be done with it. Not ter hard, aye?"

Harry nodded. "No, not at all."

He stood up again. "This isn't my first enthusiastic walk through the woods."

Hagrid felt that sounded more ominous that really should have. "Harry, Hermione, yeh take Fang and go down the path that way."

He pointed off into the forest to his right. "Ron an' I will go o'er ter the lake. If yeh get inter trouble, send up red sparks, and if yeh find the unicorn, send up green."

Harry took the lead from Hagrid, and smiled to the oversized dog. Fang, who smelled blood and horror but also a gentle fondness for dogs off from Harry, licked his face.

"Hehe, thank you Hagrid," Harry said after scratching Fang behind the ear. "Come along, Hermione."

Hermione nodded and then looked to Ron. "Be careful, Ron, and good luck!"

Ron nodded back. "You too," he wished while wondering why those two would need such well-wishings.

He looked over to Hagrid. "Why'd I even say that? It's not like there's something those two couldn't handle out there."

Right as he said that, Ron wondered why it suddenly seemed so ominous.

With Fang trotting between them, Harry and Hermione searched further into the foreboding darkness of the forbidden forest. A light charm off the tips of their wands illuminated the path and the glittery blood of the injured unicorn. The brilliance of its luster meant that this was fresher, giving them hopes that it was close.

"Say, Harry, what does Sir Integra think of unicorns?" Hermione asked.

Harry hummed. "Well, for her eleventh birthday she wanted to ride a unicorn, so Professor Pinkstone, Grandfather, and I attempted to find one for her."

Hermione stared. "Somehow I can't imagine a unicorn approaching any of you on peaceful terms."

"Actually, unicorns are very appreciative of people who destroy monsters," Harry said. "So we were able to find one."

Hermione was surprised. "Really! What happened?"

"Well, we brought it to the property and introduced it to Integra," Harry said, "And it let her ride on its back around the mansion's grounds."

"I can't help but feel that a second shoe is about to fall," Hermione aptly observed.

"Almost immediately after, Sir Penwood showed up with his gift… and the unicorn abandoned Sir Integra on the spot for him."

Hermione gaped at Harry. "You mean… Vice-Admiral Penwood…"

"Owns a unicorn, and they are the dearest of friends."

Hermione blinked slowly, several times, as she processed that. "… Huh. I expected a more violent outcome."

Harry nodded in agreement. "So did I."

Fang suddenly lunged ahead, tugging Harry behind after him, as his sniffing caught him on to something. "Whoa!"

"Harry!" Hermione exclaimed as she pursued the dragged along young butler, who was pulled along by the Boarhound until it leaped upon and tackled to the ground its quarry, who it began licking enthusiastically.

Harry peered down at Neville, who was squirming under the slobbery affection of the Boarhound. "Neville?"

"Harry!" Neville said, but Fang was licking his face. "I came… to warn… you…!"

Harry tugged on Fang's lead. "Yes, yes, you love him. Could you please let him speak?"

Fang, tail wagging hurriedly, withdrew and Neville sat up to wipe his face of drool. "Harry, I came to warn you of something terrible. I know who's attacking the unicorns!"

Harry and Hermione shared a look, before the latter urged Neville to continue silently.

Neville nodded. "It's Pansy Parkinson."

"Oh please tell me this is true," Hermione said, desiring an excuse.

"How do you know?" Harry asked.

"She told me," Neville said.

Wait. "Why would Pansy tell you that she-"

Neville pointed his wand at Harry's chest. "Avada Keda-"

A swift kick to Neville's solar plexus from Harry knocked the wind out of him and sent him to his knees. As Neville crumpled to the ground coughing and wheezing, both Harry and Hermione found Pansy standing on the other side of the clearing, leaning back against a tree, wearing a black long-sleeved leotard and skirt. In her hand, she held her wand, and around her waist was a simple black cord from which a silver flask hung. She had a mildly disappointed look on her face.

"Hello Potter, Granger," she greeted them.

Hermione was happy–she had an excuse.

"Well," Harry said as he produced a few knives. "I'm sure you came here with every intention of being clever and intimidating and the sort, but I'm only going to go straight to inflicting extraordinary amounts of harm upon your person."

"The bloody hell you are, Potter," Hermione said as she readied her wand. "Respect the queue."

"Then by all means, ladies first," Harry insisted. He needed to keep his eyes on the clearly imperiused Neville after all.

Pansy giggled. "Ahuhuhuhu… if you're concerned about queue do not worry. There will be plenty to go around for the two of you."

Harry suddenly became very aware of the fact that the shadows beyond the clearing were moving. Oh, and Fang had slipped his lead and was running in the other direction as fast as a Great Dane could reasonably run.

Hermione stopped, and recoiled when a spider the size of a football slowly crawled up from Pansy's back to her shoulder, and then onto the side of her face. When she glanced to Harry she saw he was looking up, and when she followed his gaze her mouth fell open when she saw more spiders–gigantic Acromantulas the size of draft horses–descending from the leaf canopy overhead.

As more of the spiders, ranging from the size of a rat to that of a small car, began to emerge from the trees that ringed the clearing, Pansy giggled again as she brought a hand up to pet the acromantula on her face.

"Ahuhuhuhu… there will be more than you can ever handle!"

With the simple gesture of her nodding her head, the Acromantulas attacked Harry and Hermione.

Over with Hagrid and Ron, the only hint that anything was amiss came with an observation from Hagrid.

"Huh, I don' see any Acromantulas abou'."

That made Ron nearly stumble mid-step before he shot his gaze up to Hagrid. "I'm sorry, there aren't any what about?"

"Acromantulas, I raised one when I was a student." Hagrid shook his head. "Had to let 'im go inter th' forest after a scandal."

Ron stared at Hagrid, still disbelieving. "There's an A-Acromantula in the forest that you just decided not to mention?"

Ron was terrified of spiders, extremely so. Mostly because of a thing involving a very large spider when he was eight. The less said of it, the better.

"Well, there's a lotta more than one. Aragog-"

"Oh Merlin, you named it."

"-was lonely, so I got 'im a wee girlfriend to keep him company."

Ron's mouth moved, but words did not come out. There was a breeding pair of Acromantulas in the Forbidden Forest. As terrified as he was of Spiders, he knew his enemy well, and he knew how many of those horrors even one couple could make.

Finally, a word did escape his lips. "… WHY."

Hagrid stared uncomprehendingly at Ron. "Acromantulas ain't that bad, at least Aragog isn't. Actually rather good conversation, an' th' kids are cute."

Ron's gaze unfocused for a moment, as he tried to comprehend Hagrid's apparent love for spiders, and found only a winking void as his mind blacked out the imagery of a spider in a friendly setting.

He snapped out of it. "Acromantulas are horrible monsters! Why would you even want one?!"

Hagrid looked a bit offended. "I'll have yeh know that Acromantulas are the victims of many misconceptions. Fer one, they ain't vicious."

Back over with Harry and Hermione, a horse-sized spider nearly crashed upon Harry after leaping at about the speed of one at full gallop. Harry narrowly avoided the spider, while Hermione used Petrificus Totalus to stop another spider cold before it could launch into its own leap.

"Yeh're likely to see one or two small ones at most 'less yeh walk right into their nest."

Gloves on and knives out, Harry let fly a barrage of blades, impaling numerous smaller attacking spiders and putting out the eyes of two larger examples. Turning around, he tossed a single knife that became a dozen, and banished them into the head of the giant spider that had lunged on him before.

"Incendio!" Hermione yelled, causing another large spider to burst into flames, before she swung a great kick into a football-sized one that had thrown itself at her, punting it over more of the advancing beasts.

"Prefer ter ambush prey, too. Ain't the sort to chase and fight yeh. So long as yeh stay on the path, yeh'll be fine."

Going back to back, Harry and Hermione looked around at the surrounding mass of arachnids, Hermione with wand ready, and Harry with handfuls of knives.

"Too many," Harry said.

"Something of a problem," Hermione replied.

Ron asked, "And what if you happen to be wrong about everything you just said and Harry and Hermione have run into Acromantulas and are fighting for their very survival?"

"Well, they got Fang along."

At that moment Fang ran up and leaped into Ron's arms, much like he did Neville's. The impact of the large dog landing in his arms did very little to budge the young Weasley, who turned his flat stare away from Fang to subject Hagrid to it.

"That don' mean anythin'," Hagrid quickly said.

Balancing her wand on two fingers, Pansy watched the circle of spiders close closer and closer to Harry and Hermione. She didn't think that the giant spiders would be so effective, but here they were.

"Ahuhuhuhu! When you feed on them, my little pets, make sure you do it slowly," she instructed, "I want them to savor it!"

As Pansy giggled, Hermione glanced back to Harry. "This is the part where we switch to heavier firepower, correct?"

Harry had already swapped out his gloves for the fingerless riders, and was tugging a length of wire from the right hand glove with his teeth. "Absolutely."

Hermione nodded and whipped off her robe, throwing it into the face of a large spider in front of her, while calling out, "Accio Stechkin!"

The moment the robe landed upon the spider's face, there was a rapid burst of gunfire, and a very large hole was blown into the robe and the spider's face underneath it. The sound alone, alien to Pansy, caused her to jump a bit in fright, before she saw the spiders closest to Harry suddenly come apart in messy chunks of viscera spewing spider body parts.

She stared even as chunks of spider rained to the ground at her feet. "Ah…?"

Harry's robe, also carved up nicely, fell away from his body, revealing his proper butler attire. Behind him, Hermione stood dressed in her gray victorian maid uniform and white apron combo. In one hand she had her wand, in the other she held an automatic pistol.

"Remember your training, Hermione, and let's clean up this mess," Harry instructed.

"Of course, sir," Hermione replied.

Harry flicked his hands, and the wires sang as they moved through the air, the thin strands of metal passing cleanly even through the largest spiders as they mindlessly attacked him. Behind him, Hermione aimed and fired with an air of calmness, the gun barely recoiling as it put entire magazines worth of blessed silver into the faces of the larger spiders per burst, or completely blew apart the smaller ones that fell under the weight of metal thrown at them.

Several Acromantulas attempted to drop from the trees, their deadly fangs bared, but without even looking Harry swung a hand up and to his left. The wires followed his hand's motion, slicing through the horse-sized spiders and the trees behind them.

When he brought his hand back, the wire caught the bisected logs and swung them down to crash upon more of the Acromantulas on the ground. A swaying motion of his hands sent the garrote through the fallen trees and spiders alike.

As Pansy watched the display in surprise, the spider that cuddled the side of her face suddenly exploded into a mess, and she looked forward to see Hermione walking towards her with the gun in her hand aimed for her face.

Pansy reached up and wiped away some of the messy remains of the spider, her expression otherwise blithe. "A Muggle gun, in a wizard's duel?"

"They're more helpful than you think!" Hermione declared before firing at Pansy, who wandlessly cast a shield charm that deflected the bullets away from her.

That was not something Pansy should've been able to do, the ever intelligent Hermione immediately realized, but kept up the fire to keep Pansy on the defensive.

After deflecting a second burst, Pansy began to use her wand, holding it forth to keep the shield charm spell up against Hermione's relentless barrage.

As Hermione walked closer to Pansy, still firing, the latter wandlessly cast a disarming charm to remove the former of her weapon, but Hermione narrowly dodged the pulse that came at her and fired again, forcing Pansy to deflect the shots with another shield charm.

When the shield charm came up, Hermione swung her wand, casting a feather-light charm, and then sprang up much higher than a witch ought to be able to.

Swinging her feet up, Hermione drove both into the abdomen of a spider hanging dead off its web after being sliced by Harry, then kicked off it to get over and behind Pansy, stopping herself against a tree.

Pansy's gaze had followed Hermione and she jumped aside from the gunshots, before throwing a blasting charm at Hermione and the tree.

Hermione was fast enough to leap away from the spell and the shrapnel flung by the tree as it exploded into splinters. On the ground, Pansy giggled as she fired another blasting charm, forcing Hermione to move again.

One, two, and then three trees exploded, and Pansy laughed while Hermione leaped from trunk to branch to avoid them. "Run like a monkey, mudblood!"

It was only then that she remembered that she was fighting someone else, and when she happened to look back for that other person, she found Harry's expensive shoe-clad foot coming straight for her face.

The kick connected, and Pansy went flying with a small spray of blood trailing behind her. Landing hard on the ground, Pansy looked up just in time to see Hermione come down and land atop her, both feet driving into her stomach and knocking the wind and no small amount of blood out of her mouth.

"Ook, ook, eek, eek, slag," Hermione sneered.

When Hermione aimed the pistol at her face, she was suddenly caught in a levitation spell cast by Neville, who had recovered the wind he lost. "B-Bollocks!"

She used the recoil of the Stechkin to then push herself out of the way of the killing curse Neville then fired at her. Looked like she had to deal with him before she could handle Pansy. Hopefully, Harry would leave enough pieces for her.

Turning around in the air, she fired her Stechkin, propelling herself directly above Neville, before turning around and firing a stunning spell at him. "Up here, Neville!"

Neville smartly aimed upward and fired the Killing Curse, which the weightless Hermione narrowly dodged by firing her Stechkin again, and the green bolt of death shot skyward through the trees.

Pansy kicked up onto her feet, in time to see Harry coming at her with wires trailing behind her hands.

Pansy waved her wand and then was gone with a pop, Harry's wires cutting through the puff of smoke left behind.

"Apparition, blasting curses, wandless casting…!" Harry spoke to himself as he swung the wires about, cutting through all of the trees around him.

The trees came apart as if exploded, and Pansy was revealed, disapparating and apparating among the wires and wood with a mocking grin on her face. Soon as she reappeared safe out of the range of the wires, she summoned all of Harry's knives to herself, the blades levitating around her before she sent a large batch of them straight for the Boy-Who-Obeyed.

Harry's wires appeared to levitate around him, yet moved with the slightest twitches of his fingers, deflecting the projectiles away with him with the same ease his Grandfather could deflect bullets.

"Come now, ickle Harry!" Pansy taunted as she sent another wave of his own knives back at him. "Surely you can fight a little girl!"

Harry deflected the knives again, and as the metal was scattered away from his face, Pansy apparated inside of their deadly reach, stabbing at him with one of his knives.

Harry evaded the stab and slashed with the wires, and Pansy disapparated again before apparating above and behind him to throw the knife at his back.

The knife, however, was suddenly wrapped up in numerous wires and in the same instant so was Pansy herself, the wires catching her arms and legs and holding her still in the air above the path.

"Oh!" Pansy gasped in surprise much in the way one would be surprised to see an unexpected person in a casual setting. She struggled against the wires, but they held taut, and blood began to seep through her clothes from where they dug into her skin.

"Forgive the pun, as I welcome you to my parlor," Harry said as he turned to face her, while smartly adjusting his tie. "As you enjoy your stay, allow me to clarify a misconception of yours…"

With a flick of his wrist, Pansy was yanked forward and swung through the air, smashing into the side of a tree.

"I have no problem fighting a little girl."

Another move drove her into another tree, a painful-sounding crack echoing from the tree with her yelp.

"I have no problem killing a child."

With the slightest twitch of his pinky, Harry dragged Pansy through branches and bounced her off various trees, and then with a raising of his middle finger plunged her into the ground with a thud.

"Because before you are a girl or even a child, you are a witch, and despite my own power in that regard it is my sworn duty to dispose of trash like you."

He pulled his hand back, and like a broken marionette, Pansy was pulled upward to stand on her knees.

"And I am very thorough with my work."

After a moment, Pansy lifted her head. She was still wearing that vapid smile, as though what she'd been through hadn't remotely affected her. "Those muggles trained you right, Harry Potter."

Harry adjusted his glasses, and began walking towards Pansy. "That will be enough from you. Now hold still."

The wires around Pansy's neck held her head up a little higher, he needed to see her eyes before he decided on what he'd do next. He needed to be absolutely sure before sending Pansy home to her parents in different parcels.

"I'm not going anywhere," Pansy replied gamely before giggling.

Harry grabbed her face, but before he could look closer in the darkness, a burning pain hit him right in his forehead. It was the scar, but it burned hotter and harder than any pain he ever experienced–moreso than the taser training he'd received when he was six.

His wires went slack, as he shot his palm to his forehead, the pain's intensity growing until it became paralyzing.

As the wires slackened and freed her, Pansy thrust her wand forward to rest against his chest. "Crucio."

And then even the piercing pain from his forehead was a drop in the bucket compared to the agony that graced every inch of his body. At the very least he did not scream even when the reflex called for it, but he did crumble to the ground a convulsing heap.

Lowering her wand to keep it pointed at him, Pansy began to pant as she struggled to keep her arm held up. It, like much of her body now, had been severely injured. Bones broken, muscles torn, it was a feat that she was still standing.

"Crucio," she commanded again, and Harry arched his back off the ground as mind-rending pain flared through him again.

Pansy kept the wand pointed at him. "This is it? This is what pins down Harry Potter? The Vampire Hunter? The Madman of St. Mungos?"

She sighed. "This is like taking dragons from a half-giant."

"So it was you!" Hermione suddenly shouted.

She was then shot in the left leg. Ow. When Pansy turned, there was Hermione marching towards her with one gun raised. Pansy looked up, what happened to Neville? Oh, he was petrified. And Hermione was stalking towards her with murder in her eyes–oh dear. In that instant, Hermione fired several more times, shooting her wand from her hand, hitting both her arms, and putting a bullet into her right side.

"Snitches get stitches, bitch!" she shouted on reaching Pansy, and raising a boot-clad right foot to kicked her in the chest. With a loud thump, Pansy's body collided with the tree and went limp against it.

The pain from the Cruciatus Curse vanished instantly, though the pain in his forehead lingered. Fortunately, two hits of the worst pain curse in creation made it little more than an afterthought now.

"Wow… that… that's going to be part of exposure training from now on…" he managed as he got back up.

"Are you all right?" Hermione said as she kept her weapon trained on Pansy.

"No worries, it's nothing a cup of tea won't cure," Harry replied as he got up and dusted himself off. "On that note…"

He looked over to Pansy. "She's under Imperio, Neville too."

Hermione lowered her implements of monster hunting. "That does explain some things."

"Quite," Harry said grimly.

"Oh Lord…" Hermione began in horror at the idea she may have been hurting an innocent person, before she stopped. "Wait, was she Imperiused before or after she defaced my book?"

"Definitely after," Harry said.

Hermione's horror reversed. "Well! In that case I regret nothing."

"How wretched," Pansy said as she lay broken and battered against her tree. "To take such a tone against a girl taken advantage of."

Harry and Hermione turned to find that Pansy had a flask to her lips. "Unforgivable… she knows not what she does."

Harry prepared his wires, as he watched the flask near her lips. The pain from his scar, however, became an unfortunate distraction at that point, however… offering Pansy just the time she needed to knock back a gulp of whatever it was that the flask contained.

Upon downing the liquid, a flash of revulsion coursed through her, followed by a simply awful feeling that crawled to every corner of her body as the liquid drained down her throat. She wrenched the flask from her lips and coughed, spraying flecks of silvery liquid all over the ground in front of her, and causing Hermione to recoil in shock.

"That's…!" Hermione looked from the silvery liquid on the ground to Pansy… who was now perfectly healthy again, any sign of injury absent save for where the bullets went into her clothes. "Oh bollocks."

"Did she just drink Unicorn's blood?" Harry asked.

"She did," Hermione lamented back.

"Well, that's not good," Harry decided.

"I'll have you know that it was actually delicious," Pansy lied.

Harry saw through it. "I can't imagine magic horse blood being anything short of vile."

Pansy chose to come clean. "Well, all right I'll concede. It's actually the most horrific thing I've ever consumed and I want to die."

Hermione aimed the Stechkin at the still blithe Pansy's forehead. "Request approved."

A flash from the forest to their right then struck Hermione's gun hand, launching the Stechkin from her grip and to the ground. As she attempted to bring her wand up, more disarming charms hit and removed it from her grip.

Harry fared little better, divested of his own wand in deluge of disarming charms, he attempted to summon up his garrotes, only for another charm to take control of the wires, sending them winding around both him and Hermione before pulling the two of them tightly together back to back.

A tall, cloaked apparition stepped from behind the tree, and turned its hooded head towards the two Hellsing Agents/Hogwarts Students.

"We finally meet," the robed figure said.

Harry, surprisingly, was having none of it. "Come off it, Quirrell, I'm not a bell end. I know it's you."

"Quirrell?" The figure asked. "I'm afraid you have me mistaken for someone else."

The man bowed politely. "Allow me to introduce myself, I am Littlefinger."

"You mean like the man in the book?" Hermione asked.

"Quite, a charming piece of muggle literature, that," Littlefinger returned.

Harry turned and stared at Hermione, startled at her… precocious taste in books.

"Now then, impressive as you pair are… it's time for the kid gloves to come off, pun intended," Littlefinger went on. "Before we kill you, you are going to come forth with some very helpful information for us."

Harry narrowed his eyes. What could they want? Whatever Fluffy was protecting? The location of Hellsing Manor? The secret behind the Queen's ardent refusal to die?

Hermione then asked. "What would that be?"

"You are going to tell me the true identity of The Crimson Fucker, and what it will take to bring him here."

It became so silent that one could hear a werewolf laughing in Brazil.

When the long beat passed, Hermione gave Littlefinger a strange look. "Are… are you a crazy person?"

Harry was similarly stunned. "You… you want to use us… to lure him here?"

Littlefinger chuckled. "Yes, the man who slaughtered my Dark Lord… the one under the employ of your Hellsing organization… I want him."

"Look, mate, if you're in that much of a hurry to die, please, untie us and we'll kill you here on the spot. No sense in waiting thirty minutes to be splattered all over the forest," Harry insisted.

Littlefinger found that perturbing. "No, I-"

"We'll make it as gruesome and humiliating as you like," Hermione added.

"What are you on abo-" Littlefinger failed to get a word in edgewise.

"Or, we can get you some proper help. There's a muggle suicide help hotline that works wonders-"

"Enough!" Littlefinger snapped. "If you're not going to tell me, then we will have to torture it from you."

He rolled up his left sleeve and revealed a rather wicked tattoo of a skull with a basilisk emerging from its mouth. He then pressed his wand to the mark, and in an instant there was a set of nine pops behind him–eight men and one woman wearing black suits, robes, gold masks, and tall pointy hats.

Hermione looked to Harry in shock. "Death Eaters!"

"Quite, more people enthusiastic about dying horribly," Harry said before nodding to the white-haired Death Eater third from Littlefinger's right. "Good evening, Mr. Malfoy."

That Death Eater in question went to pull his fancy wand from his cane and fling a hex at Harry, when the Death Eater at his left held out an arm, and gestured for him to chill.

Hermione was suddenly rather quiet, staring with a tranquil fury at the white-haired Death Eater as if he had just been party to the death of her parents–oh wait.

Littlefinger chuckled. "Now then, how would you like to spend the next several hours being tortured until you tell us everything we want to hear about The Crimson Fucker?"

Hermione snapped out of her rage trance, and then looked back to Harry. "They're all crazy people."

Harry nodded. "Look, we'll tell you everything you need to hear. We'll even tell you where you can find him right now."

"He gave us precise instructions for in case anyone asked," Hermione said.

Littlefinger pointed a wand at Harry. "Where is he right now then, Potter?"

"At this moment?" Harry hummed. What were Alucard's instructions again? Oh yes.

"Balls deep in yer Mum," he and Hermione said together.

"They appear to have chosen torture," Littlefinger stated as he pointed his wand at Hermione. "A pity…"

"I was hoping to get my answers and dispose of you wretched brats right away," Hermione said.

"I was hoping to get my answers and dispose of you wretched brats right away," Littlefinger repeated, before he caught what she said. "Wait, what?"

Harry nodded. "Ah, she did the thing."

"What thing?!" Littlefinger repeated.

"That thing where she's completely outmaneuvered you lot without you realizing it," Harry explained. "It means that she's gotten you all right where she wants you."

The other Death Eaters shared confused looks.

"You're joking, you're tightly bound. You can't reach your weapons, you're utterly helpless."

"As I understand it, at some point she figures out people so completely that she even knows exactly what they're going to say before they say it," Harry said.

"That's correct," Hermione said before adding. "Preposterous, no one is that prescient."

"Preposterous, no one is that prescient!" Littlefinger argued, before his mouth fell open in disbelief.

"It's more an indictment against you, than praise for her," Harry said, "Because it means you've missed something vital that she's done to foil your plans."

"What could I have missed?!" Littlefinger demanded.

Harry smiled. "If I had to guess, it'd be the Half Giant she summoned to smash the lot of you with a log."

At that moment, a projectile log about as big as the massive tree that the two were bound around came crashing through the trees, scattering the Death Eaters and Littlefinger with a mighty crash. Through the chaos caused by the thrown log, one of the Death Eaters immediately fired a curse at the two children, but missed–succeeding only in cutting clean through the wires holding the two of them up and letting them free.

Another Death Eater, the lone female of the group, turned to him aghast. "Where are you aiming, wanker?!"

The clumsy Death Eater looked at his wand then at her. "I have no idea what happened, I think my wand may be defective. Give me a moment."

He then cast a hex on the woman Death Eater, knocking her back into a tree. "No, seems to be in working order."

Lucius pointed his wand at him. "What did you do that for?!"

"Wand test," the clumsy oaf said before be swung his wand and used a shield charm to deflect a spell fired at him by the Malfoy Patriarch. "I don't need to test it anymore, you can stop."

"Are you stupid or insane? We're supposed to be attacking our enemies!" Lucius said as he struck with another hex.

The curse turned into a shower of lights, cracking the golden mask he wore and knocking off his tall cone hat, revealing ink-black hair. The gold mask split and fell off, revealing a second black mask covering half of the man's face–with long tear-like streaks that ran down his cheeks.

"That's exactly right," The Half-Blood Prince said before he struck Lucius tumbling with a curse of his own.

Harry, who'd returned to his normal gloves, quickly let fly two more knives, striking down a third Death Eater who attempted to hit The Half-Blood Prince with a curse of their own. "I beg your pardon, helpful Dark Wizard?"

"Now Harry, there's no time for pleasantries," The Half-Blood Prince said, "Not when there's Death Eaters to kill."

Harry immediately dropped the attempted inquiry. "Quite."

Hermione had forgone it entirely, recovering her wand and Stechkin and immediately hitting a fourth Death Eater who turned their wand on her with a blasting charm. As he recoiled, she riddled him with the Stechkin as she walked towards where Lucius lay with purpose in her stride and fire in her eyes.

As the Half-Blood Prince turned away from the girl, he noticed and then narrowly avoided a flash of light hurled at him by Littlefinger, who leveled his wand at him. "Before I rend you to sundered flesh, enlighten me–who are you?"

"Who am I?" The Half-Blood Prince asked in turn. He then whipped his wand forward, and fired a hex that struck Littlefinger and sent him flipping end over end to crash bodily into a tree.

"Fuck you, that's who," The Half-Blood Prince replied.

"Wicked," Harry declared.

"Yes, but unfortunately it won't be that simple-!" The Half-Blood Prince was interrupted by being right; the roots of the tree that Littlefinger had impacted came to life, rising out of the ground to spear through the masked-wizard's chest.

The Half-Blood Prince disapparated clear of the first root, and reappeared atop the other as it sailed past his position. Slashing with his wand, he cut the roots at their base and ran along them towards Littlefinger, who had pushed himself off the tree. "Go help Hagrid!"

Harry almost wanted to argue against what was shaping up to be an epic showdown, but decided against it when he saw what Hagrid was up to. The half-giant had picked up his log and was using it to belt a fifth Death Eater over the treetops. He was taking quite a few hexes and curses from two other Death Eaters in the process, and that would not do.

Harry drew four more knives in each hand, and after taking careful aim jumped and threw them. Curving through the air, they struck home on Death Eater number six

"Thanks, Harry!" Hagrid called out before he swung the log around and turned the wounded Death Eater into a red paste that got everywhere, including on the seventh Death Eater and Harry. "Aw, sorry lad."

"Not a problem," Harry insisted, before he dodged a green bolt fired at him by the seventh Death Eater. "Reengaging!"

Wand held tightly like a knife, The Half-Blood Prince reached Littlefinger and slashed at the Dark Wizard, succeeding in cutting through the tree as Littlefinger disapparated clear of the strike.

The Half-Blood Prince, letting out an annoyed sound as he avoided the bolt, twirled his wand and cast another powerful hex at Littlefinger, who thrust his hand out this time and batted it away before taking aim with his own wand and unleashing a green stream of pure death at him.

The Half-Blood Prince apparated to avoid it. As he appeared, he taunted him. "I must say I am impressed! Where on Earth were they hiding a wizard like you? You're almost competent!"

"Would you believe that I've been living like a rat for over a decade?!" Littlefinger informed The Half-Blood Prince as he conjured up four large blades and launched them at the masked man. Each one homed in on their target, only to be sliced to ribbons by The Half-Blood Prince's cutting spell.

The blades then simply folded themselves into smaller, faster blades that homed in on The Half-Blood Prince from different directions. "My question is how can such a brilliant wizard go against us?!"

With a flick of his wand, The Half-Blood Prince deflected the storm of blades, sending them into various trees, the ground, and the buttocks of the Death Eater in the middle of flinging curses at Harry.

"Ow, my arse!" The Death Eater shouted before Harry put knives through his neck, heart, and other major points of his circulatory system. "Ow, my life!"

"It's hard to follow a man who can't keep his word. I mean, seriously, you ask him to not kill one person. Just one, and he says he won't, but then he just up and does it," The Half-Blood Prince replied.

The Half-Blood Prince sighed, and then began walking towards Littlefinger. "I mean, can you willingly tie yourself to anyone who would betray you like that, Littlefinger?"

Littlefinger hummed at that. "That's not fair, he may have had a good reason to. Like he thought that you're a cunt and didn't care about your feelings in the least?"

The Half-Blood Prince immediately lashed out with his wand, only for Pansy to dive in and deflect it with a shield charm. As the Half-Blood Prince prepared to fire another curse, he hesitated as Littlefinger cowered behind her like cover.

"Ha, you're not as ruthless as you fancy yourself, aren't you?!" Littlefinger mocked before Pansy completed the Apparition charm and both vanished.

Lowering the wand, The Half-Blood Prince sneered. "Oh, that was very good of you, old sport… I hope we see one another again soon."

Perhaps next time there would be more students present for the Class of '88 reunion.

"Oi, Prince," Hagrid called out. "What 'appened?"

"He escaped, took the young Miss Parkinson with him," The Half-Blood Prince returned before turning to face him and Harry.

Harry shrugged his shoulders. "Well, smashing this little ring of followers is still a plus. I'm sure Professor Dumbledore will be quite pleased to have a half dozen dead dark wizards to present to the Aurors."

Hagrid had a look around. "They ain't all dead, are they?"

"I hope not, we need at least one for questioning," Harry said before he heard the loud chops of a Stechkin APS on full auto, and the scream of a Death Eater in agony. "Oh bollocks."

"Bollocks indeed," Hermione agreed as she stood over a grievously wounded Lucius Malfoy, who was curled up into a ball and screaming through his clenched teeth.

"Hermione, what did you do?" Harry asked as he, Hagrid, and the Half-Blood Prince approached.

Hermione looked over at him. "Well originally, I was going to tell him that he killed my parents and that he should prepare to die, and then I would shoot him. However, as I struggled to find words to say that weren't already spoken by Inigo Montoya, I just became angrier, and angrier. Finally, with nothing really to say-"

"You emptied an entire magazine into his cock and balls," The Half-Blood Prince observed.

Hermione nodded. "Yes, that is exactly what I did."

The Half-Blood Prince struggled with this, before he sighed. "Well, if I ever needed the motivation to take up Albus' offer, I have just received it."

"What do we do wit' 'im, then?" Hagrid said of the whimpering Lucius.

"I've had my fill," Hermione admitted, with great satisfaction.

"Oh I'm sure Professor Dumbledore and Auror Moody would love to hear more about Lucius' version of these events," The Half-Blood Prince suggested.

"Agreed," Harry said. "Now let's scoop up Neville and go get him fixed up."

With her bloodlust quenched (for the moment) and the subject of classmates broached, Hermione looked around as she realized something amiss. "Hey, where's Ron?"

Hagrid had the answer to that. "Ah left 'im with Fang, the lad should be safe. That I know I'm right abou'."

At that moment, a terrified Fang came charging by, yelping loudly.

"Oh fer fuck's sake, Fang!" Hagrid shouted after him.

He was furious. After so much hard work and preparation, the small number that were to be His new elite, His new Knights of Walpurgis had been dashed and annihilated by The-Boy-Who-Served, the Mudblood, and the murderous interloper who'd been following Him since that fateful Halloween. He had already been beset by enough setbacks, and this was the second worst of this year.

But as He stalked through the Forbidden Forest in a snarling huff, silvery blood dripping from His lips, He suddenly realized that tonight didn't have to be a total loss. No, not when the dear friend of The-Boy-Who-Bowed was right there, an easy target for His wrath. Crouching in the undergrowth, the creature that long lost its right to be considered human got into position, and began to stalk towards His prey.

At the edge of a clearing close to the lake, Ron waited quietly–if anxiously–for the return of Hagrid and the others. The flash of green light that had apparently been their signal had come after cracks of gunfire and the sound of trees toppling, and it had sent Hagrid off on a particularly violent warpath to assist them.

Since then, Ron waited with Fang, who didn't want to be in the forest anymore than he did. Not when there were giant spiders about. Unicorn blood drinking monsters he could handle. Maybe werewolves and dragons, too. Spiders? No, he could not handle it, he would not.

"Fang, you keep close to me, okay?" Ron asked as the dark underbrush moved with the wind, creating an eerie rustling sound all around him.

He looked around, scanning the darkness for any sign of trouble. "I hope there aren't any spiders…"

Even as he asked that, a dark shape rose from the brush behind him, stretching and elongating until it towered over the boy and his giant friend's dog.

Fang turned his head to lick Ron's hand reassuringly, when he saw out the corner of his eye the dark shape extending a cloak-shrouded hand towards the back of Ron's neck. Seeing this terrifying, wraith-like specter, Fang did the only thing the Boarhound could do in this situation… he took off with such speed that Ron was nearly pulled off his feet–and lost the lead.

"Ah! Fang!" Ron shouted after the dog in vain, before he felt a chill down his spine and slowly turned around to find a cloaked monstrosity of a figure looming over him with an outstretched hand.

A deathly rattle left the creature's throat, as He stepped towards the frozen with terror Ron. The boy's expression of fear was exquisite, it would be the perfect deathmask for him to wear when his little friends came upon his lifeless corpse.

"Boy, death approaches…" He wheezed at Ron, causing flecks of silvery blood to fall from His lips and down the front of the cloak that encased the mangled thing He called a body.

Upon seeing the droplets of silver, Ron realized what he was looking at. This creature, this monster, was the unicorn killer that they'd been looking for! His eyes growing wider, Ron stared at the creature as his fear drained from his body… or rather was evaporated-

By his unspeakable anger.

"Now," He hissed as he reached for Ron's neck, "Die-"

He was not quite aware of what happened, but suddenly the boy went from terrified, to surprised, and then to completely enraged. He was not quite aware of anything else immediately after, as Ron let out a yell and slammed his fist directly into where he was sure His face ought to have been.

For the briefest of instants, everything was perfectly still, and then with an echoing boom–like a cannon going off–the cloaked monstrosity was launched like a cannonball. There was more crashing, as He went through first some tree branches, then some trees, an unusually sturdy rock, part of a hill, and finally reached the open air of the lake… which He fell into with an inglorious splash.

Panting heavily, a bit of steam rising off his knuckles, Ron stood there in the punching position with a look of savage anger on his face… before just as quickly he stood upright and regained his composure. "It serves you right! My little sister adores unicorns, and I'll never forgive anyone who messes with them!"

When he turned around, he found a dumbstruck Harry, Hermione, and Hagrid standing there, staring at him. Harry was carrying an unpetrified Neville over his shoulder, while Hagrid bore a struggling and quietly begging for death Lucius and the unconscious lady Death Eater who'd been first to be put down.

Staring back at them, Ron looked around, before he shrugged his shoulders. "Um… I think I got the unicorn killer, guys."

Hermione just tilted her head to one side, as she looked from Ron to the path of destruction his punched projectile paved through the forest.

"There's that Prewett Madness I was tellin' yeh about," Hagrid said with a bit of pride. "Th' boy takes right after 'is Mum!"

Hermione tilted her head back the other way, that earlier fascination with Ron's physical strength now back in full force.

Harry needed a moment more, before he said the first words that came to his mind.

"You're hired."

Ron was a tad confused by that. "I'm what?"

A/N: Happy Halloween!