Warning: Warning for PTSD and suicidal thoughts.

oOoOo

Part Two

When they warped back, the other Crystal Gems were waiting. They grinned at first, but their smiles faded when they saw the strange weapon in Connie's arms, the serious expression on Steven's face, the unflinching resolve on Bismuth's.

Bismuth looked at them, closed her eyes, and said, "Here's how I ended up in Rose Quartz's bubble."

oOoOo

They all sat around the small human table, Bismuth cross-legged on the floor, the others on the couch. Bismuth told her story. Once Bismuth described Rose's refusal— how she'd thrown the Breaking Point to the floor, forbidden anyone from using it, and the sheer disbelief that Bismuth had felt— the anger -

"You attacked her?" demanded Pearl.

"I had no choice!" Bismuth said.

"Yes, you did! Of course you did! And how did you attack her? With that ?" Pearl pointed accusingly at the Breaking Point.

Bismuth didn't respond, and that alone said everything.

Pearl stood, her trident appearing in her hand, though she scarcely seemed to notice. "How could you?"

Bismuth stood too. "How could I? Rose bubbled me .

"And I wouldn't have shattered her. Not then," said Bismuth. "But I would have stopped her. Anything to use the Breaking Point, anything to have won the Rebellion—"

"Without Rose we would have lost the Rebellion!"

"Would we? Because she seems to have lost it anyway."

Silence. Taut and deadly.

"Bismuth," Garnet said, warning.

"No," said Bismuth. "Face the facts. The war was a failure! You said it yourself! All you did was grant this planet a reprieve! Homeworld is still coming from it, our friends are all dead, and it's all Rose's fault !"

Pearl lunged forward. She was held back by Amethyst, but only barely. The quartz looked close to letting Pearl go and leaping in as well.

Connie and Steven were huddled together on the couch, quiet and staring.

"The war was devastating to both sides." Garnet's face was expressionless, her voice carefully level. "Their final blow was something we never could have expected. We can't know if the Breaking Point would have changed anything. We can't use that as a justification for shattering enemies—"

"Oh," said Bismuth. "I see. We can't shatter dangerous enemies. But when the perfect Rose Quartz does it, it's fine?"

Steven's small voice said, "What?"

Bismuth looked at him. "He doesn't know?"

"Doesn't know what?" said Connie. Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl all exchanged nervous glances.

"You never told him?" said Bismuth. She could tell they hadn't. She turned to the children, crouched down low. "Here's the facts, then. Rose Quartz shattered Pink Diamond."

Connie froze. Steven jerked back.

"What?" he said. "That's— not true! She— had to fight, but she'd never shatter someone!"

"Oh?" Bismuth looked at Pearl and Garnet.

"Steven…" Pearl began.

"Is it true?" Steven demanded.

"Yes," said Garnet. She stood. "Bismuth- leave."

"What? Where?"

"Anywhere. We need to speak to Steven and Connie. Alone."

So Bismuth left.

oOoOo

First she went to the Strawberry Battlefields.

She wandered through overgrown fruit and vines, past abandoned weapons, many of which she herself had forged, and wondered how many Gems she loved had died here.

She went to the Galaxy Warp. None of the pads worked. She hadn't expected them to. For this, at least, she was glad.

She went to the Primary Kindergarten. It looked identical to how it had when she and the other Crystal Gems had driven Homeworld forces away from it. It was no bigger, no deader. As far as she could tell, the only change was a single new hole a ground level. It was tiny. Amethyst's, presumably. That meant one good thing had come out of this horrible place, at least.

She went to the Sky Spire and the Magma Catacombs. Both were empty. She went to the great desert, and found nothing there. She visited dozens of old Crystal Gem bases and ships. All were abandoned and overrun, or gone entirely.

Other places she couldn't even reach. Their warp pads must have broken millennia ago.

oOoOo

She kept expecting the others to come and find her. To talk to her, to fight her, to bubble her.

They didn't.

She'd been angry at Rose, and she still was. Angry how Rose had betrayed the cause, that she had locked her away, and had cared so little that she'd never even told anyone.

But maybe Garnet and Pearl had never cared either.

She tried to escape those thoughts. Tried to fill her mind with other things. But that was impossible

She tried to sleep again, once, but the ritual just summoned horrible visions that left her gasping and screaming.

She wished that they'd come and bubble her, so she could rest again. She wished she'd never been unbubbled in the first place. She wished that Rose had shattered her.

Sometimes, Bismuth wanted to just shatter herself. But she never could quite summon the strength.

oOoOo

Earth was still beautiful.

There were still forests, and rivers, and waterfalls, and gardens, and deserts and fields and swamps. There were still rainbows and clouds and rain and storms. Still animals, big and small, living wild and free, boundless.

And now there were cities. Human cities. Bismuth never ventured in them, but from a distance she could still see the massive towers, sprawling streets and beautiful lights. The humans had survived, and spread and grown and built.

Whatever else, the Rebellion had protected that, at least.

oOoOo

For the most part, animals avoided Bismuth. She was big, and smelled strange, and every instinct told them to avoid things like her. If Bismuth was really quiet, she could watch deer or monkeys or seals without letting them know she was there. If she scattered seeds at her feet, sometimes they would even come close, so close she could have touched them. But otherwise, even the fiercest, most dangerous Earth creatures stayed out of her way.

Which was why Bismuth was so shocked when something tore out of the underbrush and attacked her.

For a moment there was nothing but snarling and a fury of claws, something scrabbling at her face. Initially she was too shocked to do anything, but then her fighting abilities took over; she grabbed the animal around its neck and hurled it away.

It slammed into a tree with a smack. It got to its feet, and Bismuth expected it to run off. But no, it came at her again, eyes glowing, teeth bared.

Bismuth turned her fist into a hammer, and brought it down on the animal's head.

No. Not an animal. When her blow struck, it turned into a puff of smoke, and something shiny dropped at her feet.

"A Gem," Bismuth said, picking the stone up. A Humite, if she wasn't mistaken. "What happened to you?"

A rainbow bubble blossomed around the stone. Bismuth sent it off with a tap. She wasn't sure where it went. The Forge, probably. It was the only place left she could call home.

oOoOo

Bismuth returned to Steven's house.

Only Garnet was there when she arrived, sitting and reading a folded collection of papers. She put them down when she heard the warp beam.

Garnet didn't look surprised to see her. But then, she wouldn't.

"You never came after me," Bismuth said.

"You needed space," said Garnet. "So did we."

In that moment, Bismuth wanted nothing more than that space again. She was sorely tempted to just warp off again. But she'd come here for a reason, and she intended to follow through. She stepped off the warp pad.

"While I was out there," Bismuth began, "I found a Gem, a Humite. But she was wrong . She looked and acted like a wild animal. What happened to her?"

"Homeworld."

Bismuth closed her eyes against the burn of tears. She'd already suspected, but it was something else to be certain.

"Do you really believe that Homeworld— that the Diamonds— deserve to be saved?" she asked. "After all they've done? Do you think Rose was right?"

There was a light fall of footsteps. The weight of hands on her shoulders. When Bismuth opened her eyes, she found herself looking into Garnet's face, glasses gone. "I think," said Garnet, "that you and Rose were both doing what you thought was best.

"I'm angry at Rose. For hiding you away. For not discussing it with us. For lying. I'm angry at you too. For attacking Rose, and putting her into that position."

"I—" started Bismuth.

"No." Garnet raised a hand, stopping her. "You escalated this. It's what you do. It's what you would have done to Steven, if Connie hadn't intervened. Yes, she told me about that. You knew that we might not have agreed with you— that's why you went to the children first. You went behind our backs as well, Bismuth."

The words hung heavy. Bismuth sagged. "You're… you're right. I just— wanted a second chance. Wanted to make things better."

"That's all any of us want," said Garnet. There was an old softness in her voice, and Bismuth was reminded of the bright-eyed young fusion Garnet had once been.

Bismuth chanced a small smile. Then she said, "Where's Pearl?"

oOoOo

Bismuth heard Pearl before she saw her. A quiet murmuring, soft in conversation with someone else. Bismuth pressed herself against the wall and peeked her head around the corner. She was speaking with the human Greg.

She had meant to dart back around the corner and wait, but Bismuth had never been much good at hiding. Greg was the one who saw her, pointing. Bismuth froze. No point slinking away. She came forward. Pearl straightened.

Greg looked like he wanted to be anywhere else— but he stood his ground. He even seemed to be putting himself in front of Pearl as some sort of defence, emotional or physical or both.

"It's alright, Greg," said Pearl.

"Are you sure? I don't want you to…"

"I'll be fine."

Greg gave a tight nod, and vanished into the vehicle-washing facility.

Bismuth and Pearl regarded each other, war. There was tension in the air. It felt like the beginning of a sparring match.

"Least you haven't taken your spear out," said Bismuth, in an attempt to lighten the mood.

It didn't work. Many times before Bismuth had managed to steal a surprise smile out of Pearl, but this was not one of those times. All Pearl did was take a step closer. "Where have you been?"

"Exploring. You?"

"… We went to the moon base to fool a group of Homeworld rubies."

Bismuth snorted. She could only imagine how that had gone. "And where are the rubies now, then?"

"Floating around somewhere near Mars. Not a threat to anyone."

Bismuth could see what point she was making, and chose to say nothing.

Pearl expression was hard. She said, "I'm not angry that you attacked Rose."

Bismuth's eyebrows shot up. "You're not?"

"Not anymore," said Pearl. "Rose could handle herself."

An old hurt. Bismuth couldn't help but say, "I'll never be anything better than second to her."

Pearl winced. "Bismuth—"

"No, no. I understand," Bismuth said. And she did, she did. She knew the warmth, the light, that Rose had been able to spark inside, how she had been able to inspire anyone to follow that light. No light had burned brighter than the one she'd lit inside Pearl. She'd never begrudged them that, or what they'd had together. "But Pearl— Rose lied, she locked me away—"

"I know." And now Pearl's voice broke, tears spilling out and running down her cheeks. "I know.

"I lived with her for over five thousand years. I've lived with every decision she made. I've stood by them all, even the ones I didn't understand. And I've been learning to accept that not— that not all of them were right. And what she did to you was… was terrible ."

Pearl stopped, though the tears didn't. Snot was dripping out of her nose. Bismuth had to resist the urge to wipe it away. Pearl did it herself. She took a moment to compose herself, and when she spoke, her voice was clear. "Something else I've learned is that Rose's decisions, even when they make no sense… there's still something good to be found in them."

There was a strange softness in her voice, as well as a paradoxical fierceness. Bismuth said, "You're talking about Steven."

Pearl nodded. "He's like nothing else. So, no, I'm not angry you attacked Rose. But I am angry that you attacked him ."

"I'm— I'm sorry. That was a mistake."

"It's a mistake that can't happen again. If I'm to trust you— if any of us are to trust you— we need to know that you won't hurt him."

"I won't. I promise."

Pearl watched her for several long seconds, her eyes hard and glittering. Then she nodded, seemingly satisfied.

Then there was no movement, no words. Just the weight of the past.

There had been a time— barely yesterday for Bismuth, so long ago for Pearl— that they'd been so close. Rose, Pearl, Garnet and Bismuth: the original Crystal Gems, misfits, rebels, comrades in arms. They would have done anything for each other.

"So what's the good to be found in me having been bubbled away for all this time?"

"I don't know," Pearl confessed. She came yet another few steps closer, until she stood only a breath away. She stared up at Bismuth. "But you're here. You're alive. And I'm glad for that."

oOoOo

Bismuth could have gone back to the base with Pearl, but no… wounds were still too raw. Garnet was right. They still needed space.

Besides. There were others she wanted to speak to. And she found them, in a sense.

From a distance, Bismuth mistook them for a human. It was only when she got closer that she recognised their mane of dark hair, the too-small red shirt with the yellow star. They were sitting on the sand, eyes closed, face blank.

"Stevonnie," Bismuth said.

The fusions's eyes flew open. They scrambled to their feet. "B-Bismuth! What're you doing here?"

"Apologizing," said Bismuth. "Am I interrupting something? Combat training? "

"Not… exactly." Stevonnie's mouth twisted, as if debating with themself. "It's something Garnet taught me. Meditation, I guess."

"Ah. Fusion training, then. I could come back later, if you…"

Stevonnie shook their head. "No, no, it's— ah, it's fine."

Bismuth gave a tight smile. She took a seat on the sand. Stevonnie remained standing. She supposed that was fair.

"I'm sorry, Steven," said Bismuth. "I acted rashly, and could have hurt you very badly. Thank you, Connie. For stopping me."

Stevonnie rubbed their arms. "Oh… well, apology accepted. You're not the first person who's thought Steven is his mom."

Bismuth grimaced. "I can imagine."

"I'm glad you're back, actually. I've been wanting to talk to you."

"Really?"

"Yeah." Finally Stevonnie joined her on the sand— though they still kept a safe distance. "The Gems told me… us… about Pink Diamond. About why Rose Quartz shattered her." Stevonnie fell silent, collecting their thoughts. Bismuth gave them time. "Rose did it to protect Gems, to protect humans and the Earth. I get that. I just wish that she hadn't had to do it. I wish there had been a peaceful way.

"But I've also had to realise that sometimes… there isn't. That sometimes you can try and try, and people just won't… just won't listen. And that when that happens, it's okay— it's fine if—"

Stevonnie broke off. Their eyes had gone distant, and their hands were clutching at each other, knuckles white. Bismuth wanted to reach out, give some form of comfort, but knew she couldn't.

They came back to themselves on their own, their breathing evening, their focus returning. "Sometimes," they said. "You have to do whatever you have to, to protect yourself, and the people you love."

Bismuth nodded, slowly. She could tell something had happened. Something painful, something that had made them think. She wondered what, but didn't ask. She wouldn't press Stevonnie for information they wouldn't offer themselves. Instead, she said, "So do you see why the Breaking Point is necessary?"

"I can see why it might be necessary," Stevonnie conceded. "But— not as a first resort. Not before you've tried to talk, or at least bubble them."

"They won't care. They'll be trying to kill you. If you let them, they will kill you."

"I know. I know, but we still have to try. Because most of them… they just don't know better. And if you don't give them a chance, then you might lose a friend you could have had."

"Sometimes you need to value the friends you do have over hypothetical ones."

"But it's not that simple," said Stevonnie. "I have two friends— well, they're more Steven's than mine, really. Lapis and Peridot." Bismuth frowned thoughtfully. She knew about Lapis Lazulis, of course— not combat Gems, but here on a planet with so much water, they could be pretty terrifying. Peridot sounded like a Gem name, but it wasn't one she was familiar with. "Both of them… both of them were really dangerous. They tried to kill us. But we talked with them, and became friends, and without them… well, the Earth would be destroyed, right now."

Hope bloomed in Bismuth's core. "So you're telling me that we've got a couple other Crystal Gems?"

"Well, Lapis isn't really a Crystal Gem… but yeah. They live out at the barn. We could introduce you?"

"I'd like that," said Bismuth. "It's good to know that— well, it's not just us. That even if Homeworld killed everyone else, we can still rebuild our ranks. And you're right. If we're going to do that, we're going to have to give them a chance to see things our way."

For the first time in the conversation, Stevonnie smiled. "So… no shattering Gems?"

"I can't promise that," said Bismuth. "There might be times when it's necessary. But… I'll try. And we can try talking about it with the others again."

Stevonnie took a deep breath. "Okay," they said. "Okay. And you should know… your friends, the other Crystal Gems, they're not dead. At least, not all of them."

"They've been turned into monsters, right?" At Stevonnie's surprised look, Bismuth explained, "I ran into one. It's twisted, what's been done to her."

"Yeah. Yeah, it is," Stevonnie agreed. "But… I think there might be a way to fix it. Steven's already helped one of them, at least partially. We call her Centi. She can't talk, and her body's sort of weird, but she remembers stuff. It's not easy, and I don't know if they can be healed completely, but…"

"But there's a chance?" said Bismuth.

Stevonnie smiled, and nodded.

"Then I'll help," said Bismuth. "Whatever it takes, I'll help."

oOoOo

Author's Note: And there we have it, folks.

I'll admit- I may not be done with this AU. I've got a lot feelings about Bismuth, and would definitely be interesting in exploring her interactions with the cast (especially Lapis). So maybe I'll get the energy to write some sort of continuation/sequel, we'll see.

For now: how about them shorts, eh?