632.) Question; who exactly was that told Kurotsuchi-taichou about the RESIDENT EVIL video game series?!? He's becoming obssessed with either trying to find or recreate the Progenitor Virus! ~Kurosaki Ichigo
632a.) From now on, nothing zombie-related are to be brought into Soul Society!
633) Ara, could someone please ask Lieutenant Matsumoto to stop stalking my Kei-kun? I'm getting worried he might be about to have a nervous breakdown. -Mutsumi Otohime, 4th Seat, 4th Division.
634.) Whoever starts a prank war will also be the one who'll have to clean up EVERYTHING!
635.) Arrancar are to be terminated on sight. They are not to be invited over for tea and crumpets. No exceptions.
635a.) We are supposed to be AT WAR with them, people.
635b.) I don't give a darn if that whippersnapper can make good cake!
636.) Ise Nanao is hereby banned from the Novelty Store in 7th District of Rukongai due to her rampant fangirl tendencies.
636a.) I don't CARE if leaks of "Love Love Potter: A Dragon for a Lion" is out. Your Yaoi obsession stops HERE.
637.) The Shihouin Clan is to cease all contracts with Kurosaki Isshin due to abuse of privelege.
637a.) Just because he ended up a screw up doesn't mean I want my grandson to end up one too.
637b.) Anymore protests stating "The Line must be continued by one of Noble Birth" will be tossed into the Pits. Zaraki's pits. And his armpits are very stinky.
638.) Kenpachi you are to stop trying to get Solid Snake and Big Boss made part of your Division.
639.) Kenpachi is to never meet Vegeta.
640.) Leadership of Division Zero if it is to exist is to be handed over to Optimus Prime.
640a.) If we can't stop that nonsense we at least want a sane leader in charge.
641 The 11th division is forbidden to go into Roanapur, ESPECIALLY Zaraki! The less said about Zaraki joining the Church of Violence the better. And that's if were are lucky that he doesn't join up with the Black Lagoon Company.-Yamamoto-soutaicho
641a) If Kenpachi does somehow join up with the BLC, he is to be given a sterile gigai; thinking about Zaraki compulating with Revy has given Yamamoto-soutaicho an ulcer.-Unohana Retsu, Taichou 4th division
641b.) Like there's much chance of any other guy having any luck while that goddamn 'white collar's' there. What does he have that we don't!? - Shinigami Men's Association
641c) An actual brain and an organ that almost rivals Kurosaki's- SWA
642) Would Kurosaki Ichigo please report to 2nd Division Captain quarters. Ex Captain Yoruichi Shihouin and Captain Soi Fon would like to speak to you.
642a) Also at 1500 hours a special ceremony will be held by the Shinigami Women's Assosiation for all female shinigami. Please contact Vice President Ise Nanao of 8th division- Ise-fukutaicho 8th VP of SWA.
643)Kenpachi is to avoid fighting Thanos.
643a)Seriously what is the Mad God of Titan doing here?
644) All Shingami are to help clean up the mess the Black Lantern Rings are making.
644a) Not kill people and put the rings on them because it'd be fun to fight them as zombies.
645). Former Captain Aizen is not allowed within three hundred meters of Tenth Division Captain Hitsugaya Toushirou.
645a.) Yes, the omiais you have arranged are included within Rule 617.
645b.) We don't give a shit if he's your "future son-in-law".
645c.) For goodness' sakes, Hitsugaya, we're handling it.
646). Unohana Retsu is not allowed to slip "Mad Scientist Solution 13" into Abarai Renji's drinks.
646a). Even if he does look cool.
647.) Espada Task Squadron Commander Tia Harribel and Tenth Division Captain Hitsugaya Toushirou are banned from Eight Flags Amusement Park
647a.) There were CHILDREN on that ride, you idiots.
647b.) I don't care if it gave them their Sex Ed ten years in advance!
648.) Shinigami are to refrain from calling Kuchiki Byakuya a "Pimp".
648a.) -Bitchslap- Yes, Big Daddy.
649). Stop fucking up the numbering, goddamnit.
650.) Tia Harribel and the Puma Sisters are not allowed to talk to each other about relationships ever again.
650a.) THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BRING UP SUCH MATTERS DURING SWA MEETINGS.
651.) The following phrases are now forbidden: 'Fighting like cats and dogs,' 'Chocolate-Vanilla Swirl,' 'Jumbo Double Milkshake,' 'Ice Cream Sandwich,' 'Iced Coffee with Cream,' anything involving Oreo cookies, and any references to knots, knitting, Bob Barker, catnip, scratching, and jerky. These rules are in effect at all times, or at the very least while Captain Komamura, Captain Hitsugaya, and/or their significant others are within earshot.
651a.) Captain Zaraki is not subject to rule 652. If you can't puzzle out why this is for yourself, ask Captain Kurotsuchi to explain.
651b.) Make sure you have a friend follow you there with a camcorder ready.
652.) We are not building a catapult, onager, trebuchet, or any other form of medieval siege weapon so that we may simply launch Kenpachi directly at our enemies. This is absolutely non-negotiable.
652a.) The fact that it was Kenpachi's idea in the first place doesn't strengthen the Zarakipault's case.
653.) I don't care HOW effective it is as a training method. Using kido to hide the fact that you're having an orgy in the 1st division's courtyard is NOT ALLOWED and if you do it again I will make you into lawn ornaments. Do not doubt me, I have done this before. -Captain-Commander Yamamoto.
654) Starting today, the SWA will be conducting safe sex seminars. especially those who are employing Kurosaki-kun's "services"- Isane Kotestu medical officer of the SWA under orders from Unohana-taichou
654a)We don't care if it's better bareback Matsumoto- Ise Nanao vice president of SWA
654b)Kyoraku-taichou is disallowed from being the male example during seminars; failure to comply will bring about a "voluntary" assignment of baby sitting Kusajishi-kaichou for a week during the annual Adult SWA Getaway.
655)For the remainder of both Shihouin-san and Soi Fon-taichou's pregnancy, Kurotsuchi-taichou is only allowed near said persons under supervision of Unohana-taichou.- Yamamoto.
656). Any negotiations between Arrancar and Shinigami are not to be done by Arrancar Harribel and Shinigami Hitsugaya unsupervised.
656a). If you really can't figure out why, we don't like you two doing it on our time and expense.
656b.) Grandkids~! 3 -Sousuke Aizen
656c.) Grandkids~! - Ichimaru Gin
656d.) ...Nephews and Nieces? Bah! - Grimmjow
657.) Kurosaki Isshin is not allowed to arrange marriages for his future grandchildren with Sousuke Aizen.
657a.) Neither is Sousuke Aizen allowed to arrange marriage.
657b.) Seriously, Yoruichi and Harribel have already said yes.
657c.) [Belated Entry] - MOM, DAD, YOU'RE BOTH DEAD! - Kurosaki Sousuke
657d.) [Belated Entry] - But you loved Belle-Neesan! - Kurosaki Yoruichi
657e.) [Belated Entry] - Oh my, my little brother's getting married~! - Kurosaki Hana
658.) In order to prevent an insane clash of two different genres (mythological fantasy and mecha) rule 640 is here bye repealed.
659.) It is now prohibited to try to create a working replica of the ancient Belkan Saint's Cradle (honestly we do not know how Yachiru managed to convince Mayuri to attempt this in the first place).
659 a.) Mayuri this means you have to stop building the one you were originally working on, not simply give up on the plans to build an entire fleet.
659 b.) No Yachiru we are not repealing the decision simply because you want to create a reenactment of the end of an anime series you saw while staying in the human world.
660.) The members of the 12th Division are no longer allowed to use the lab computers to play World of Warcraft (we're still looking into how they managed to get a working connection to the internet in the real world).
661.) Messages addressed to the Captain-Commander are not to end with ANY of the following phrases, or any variance thereof:
All Hail Superpope!
Seig Heil!
Blood for the Blood God! Skulls for His Throne!
662.) You are not to arrange the death of R. Lee Ermey simply because even Kenpachi seems to obey him...
663) There will be no Bachelor(ette) Party for any pregnancies caused by Represenitive Kurosaki, also special congratulations goes out to Unohana-taichou for being the third and Kotetsu-fukutaichou for being fourth-Cmmdr. Capt. Yamamoto.
664) In accordance to rule 664, all sake will be stowed away with the Zero Division- Soul King *****
665) There will be no rule 666, we don't want another Noodle Incident for using a something copyrighted to Hell.
667.) Mayuri-taicho will halt his 'super soldier' experiments at once. Orks and the 11th Division are not a good combination.
668.) Kenpachi, you are not allowed to lead the 11th into Azaroth to "show them what a real Death God is."
668a). I know there is a chained Lovecraftian horror and a traitor prince with a rune blade claiming the title of God of Death, but we already have the Crane, Poole & Schmidt firm drawing up a cease and desist order.
668a.) What do you mean he already went? And he did WHAT?!
669.) Kenpachi, you are not allowed to blame Deathwing for the aftermath of your excursion. We all know he couldn't pull off that level of planetary plastic surgery.
669a.) It doesn't mean you can publicly declare it was you who caused the Cataclysm!
670.) Mayuri is not allowed to try and capture Hogger to study for his super solder project. I thought we already went over that subject.
671) Despite her title, Sailor Saturn is not the heir to the Soul Society. so would all Shinigami captains please stop bothering her. Gin was almost branded as a pedophile...again.-Captain Commander Yamamoto
671a) I can't help the way I grin.-Ichimaru Gin
672.) Whoever introduced Zaraki to Manowar is in serious trouble once we find out who you were. -Office of the Captain-Commander
672a.) Yeah Kenny, I got the concert tickets!! -Fukitachio Yachiru Kusajishi, CCed to the entire 11th Division.
672b.) HAIL! -11th Division (all)
673.) Kenpachi is not allowed to be anyones god parrent. He is especially not allowed to be the god parent of Vivio.
673a) The same goes for any female Shinigami, seeing as we will never see them again.
673b) Shunsei is also not allowed, we don't want to lose a captain to "befriendment."
674.) When fighting an unstopable being who is leaveing a path of destruction through the Seireitel status reprots are not to be along the lines of "The Deathsaur is continuing to advance. The Deathsaurs is continuing to advance.)
674 a.) Unless of course the enemy is really the Deathsaur
675) Due to certain "requests" from members of the Outer Senshi, female shinigami are disallowed anywhere near the vicinity of Juuban in the Minato ward of Tokyo, Japan.
675a) Same goes with any "bishonen" members. as such only 11th squad members with the exception of Yumichika and Yachiru are allowed anywhere near there.
676) All shinigami are forbidden from visiting the Jusenkyo springs in China.
676a) We especially dont want any shingami splashing other shinigami with the cursed water, even if Captain Zaraki makes an 'adorable' piglet. - Office of the Captain-Commander
676b) If I ever find out who did that to me.... -Captain Zaraki
677) The Kuno family is forbidden from becoming one of the noble houses. The other houses are screwy enough as it is thank you.-Kuchiki Byakuya.
678) In fairness, female shinigami, regardless of apperance, are not allowed to enter the men's bath just for the sake of being close to Subsitute Shinigami Kurosaki in a non sexual proximity. If this continues The onsen will have to made into a mixed bath; and you know what that means- SWA.
679.) The members of the 12th division labs are no longer allowed to purchase items from human world websites like e-bay or amazon. (How they have the internet connection is still eluding us.)
680.) Yamada Hanataro is no longer allowed to act as a courier for Shinigami to get items delivered from said websites.
680 a. Would all Shinigami not currently in 4th Division please stop demanding that my 7th go to the human world to provide them with merchandise not commonly found in Soul Society? If this practice continues I will be forced to release photos of what certain patients do while unconscious, and it will not be pleasant.
681.) Following rule 679 the members of the 12th division should also note that they are also prohibited from selling anything online as well.
682.) Izuru Kira is to stop using Wabisuke on people's paperweights. It makes it impossible to get any paperwork done.
Rangiku - Aww there goes my excuse to use on Taicho for not having the paperwork done.
Toushiro - MATSUMOTO!
683.) There are to be no more concerts in Rungonkai with bands using the name 'The Ungrateful Dead'. It stirs up the wrong kinds of emotions amongst the inhabitants. - Yammamoto Genryusai
684.) When we find whoever convince kisame to copy bashin your in big trouble
685) Under no circumstances are Seta Sōjirō and Ichimaru-taicho to be in the same room at the same time, it's just way to creepy. - Anonymous
686) Tousen Kaname is not challenge Saitō Hajime for a position as a captain in Shinsengumi, he's already part of my crew. - Aizen
687) Whoever is the one that pushed 4th squad's seventh seat Yamada Hanatarou into the women's baths...Thank you- Unohana-taicho and Isane-Fukutaicho
688) After recent research, Queen Serenity of the Silver Millenium is not allowed near the 11th squad barracks. Nor is she allowed to meet with Kenpachi. I don't care ifhe was her consort during silver millenium.
689) Having wild monkey sex with a captain is not the way to achive Bankai, Kyoraku, I thought we had this discussion six hundred rules ago.
689a) It worked for Retsu-chan.
689b) Kyoraku-taicho!
689c) Sorry Nanao-chan, but it doesn't make it any less true.
689d) Due to the lies of a certain captain, the SWA will have the eigth squad under vigilance to ensure that such rumors are unfounded.- Soi Fon-taicho security officer of the SWA.
689e) Hey I said that's how she did it, not that I was involved. I'm just repeating what I heard from Kiuske and Shinji. ~Shunsui
690) Please note, that no Juraian will be allowed to Soul Society, especially Seto, just trust me on this.- CCmdr. Yamamoto.
691) As an amenddum to the list of nicknames not to call Captain Hitsugaya the following have been added:
Pappy
Snowy
Snow White's younger brother
Karin's personal toy.
692) Abducting Kurosaki Ichigo, Uzumaki Naruto, Negi Springfield, Sol Baguy, Dizzy, Ragna the Bloodedge, Himura Kenshin, Ryu, Yagami Iori, Leona Heidern, Guts and anyone from that Ikkitousen reality just so you can have free-for-all to determine who has the better "Rage Mode" is not a good idea for obvious reasons Kenpachi.
692a) No you can't replace Guts with Ikari Shinji and Unit1!
692b) That doesn't mean you can add him to the list either!
693) Byakuya, just because you are the manager of the escort services provided by Shinigami represenitive Ichigo Kurosaki, Hitsugaya-taicho, and Seventh seat Hanataro Yamada does not mean you wear a "pimp's outfit" when not on duty.
694) It's strictly forbidden use the phrase "I wasn't expected a Spanish Inquisition" near Gin Ichimaru. Those three cardinal are already annoying for themselves, we don't need for them to become MORE annoying! -Anonymous.
694a) Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
695) Even if Rukia Kuchiki is a Chappy The Bunny-obsessed fan, it doesn't mean who her Bankai summon Chappy.
Nor the Rabbit of Caerbannog.
Nor Bugs Bunny.
And certain not Usagi Tsukino, for the Soul King's sake!
So... STOP TO TELLING THIS TO THE NEW RECRUIT!!! - General Commander Yamamoto.
696) It's strictly forbidden to make research on Senshi's powers to try to recreate them. Yes, we're speak to you, Urahara. It doesn't matter if you are near to give the Inner Senshi's powers to Rukia, Orihime, Yoruichi, Tatsuki and Chizuru, YOU CAN'T DO IT! - Central 46 Council.
696a) Mayuri, it's count for you too. - Histugaya Toushiro.
696b) And for you too, Syazel. - Sosuke Aizen.
697) Attention notice to Yourichi, Soi Fon-Taichou, Unohana-taicho and Kotetsu-fukutaicho: A new special barracks has been built for you and any future mothers of Shinigami representive Kurosaki's children. This is to prevent other shinigami from being wakened in the middle of the night. If you have any complaints, please have the father move in with you.- SMA
697a) The Shinigami Women's Association would like to thank it's Male counterpart for this wonderful gift and suggestion-SWA
697b.) Nice going, Iba. They'll probably go out of their way to keep us up at night by having sex as loudly as they could. –Hisagi
697c.) Don't give them ideas! –Izuru
697d.) Too late, boys. -Yoruichi
698.) Do NOT imply that Matsumoto Rangiku is in any way, shape, or form old. One dumbass mentions a wrinkle and we've got the sky cracking. Again.
699.) Due to the declining numbers of Shinigami still in one piece, no Shinigami is permitted to ask Captain Hitsugaya if he has ever had a threesome with his lieutenant and her catgirl zanpakuto.
700.) Even if she technically isn't a Shinigami (yet) Inoue Orihime is not permitted to go around healing people unless the 'common Shinigami' would think that they should be healed. We realize that her common sense is several levels below that of a mouse, much less a Shinigami but that is the rule.
701) Due to a certain individual...Shinigami Liason Kurosaki will be unable to perform his usual duties and extracurricular activites. Hinamori-fukutaicho is also to refer to The Shinigami Women's Assosiation's health officer, Kotetsu-fukutaicho, for any and all of Ichigo-kun's allergies.-Unohana Retsu
701a) How was I suppose to know he had a weird latex allergy?!-Momo
702) Even if Harribel is a short haired blond woman and Adult!Neliel is a long teal-colored haired woman, it doesn't mean who they are related in any shape or form with Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune. So, stop to ask them that, Syazel has no more beds into the infirmary. -Sosuke Aizen.
703) Rangiku, we're happy for the fact who you have discovered who you has been into your past life. But even if in that life you and Yachiru have been rivals, you can't restart your rivality. And, for Kami's sake, STOP WHIT THAT LAUGH!!! - General Commander Yamamoto.
703a) !!!
703b)Rangiku, failure to comply will suspend you from usage of Kurosaki's services when he recovers.- Kuchiki Byakuya.
703c) And Hitsugaya-taichou's, for that matter - Sajin, Komamura.
703d) Who is pretty busy at the moment. - Shihoin, Yoruichi.
703e) Rule 702b has been partially repealed: Rangiku has been autorized to use her laugh, but only into Hueco Mondo: Mayuri has discovered who her laugh can destroy Hollows.
704) I don't care how badass he is with a sword, Kenpachi, you are no longer allowed to attempt the recruiting of one Seijuro Hiko. Rukongai districts don't repair themselves.
704a) Which Seijuro Hiko? There are 13 of them.
704b) Any of them.
705) Vice Captain Kusajishi is no longer allowed to surprise Vice Captain Hisagi with funky masks and spooky voices at any time to see what else he's afraid of.
705a) Next time, try the wig with the dreadlocks and the Hollow mask and scream about kicking puppies for great justice.
705b) No means NO former Captain Urahara.
706) Attempting to convince Captain Komamura his overwhelming power was responsible for your collateral damage to cover repair costs is punishable by a fine far excessive to what you owed and enduring one strike from Kokujo Tengen Myo'o. Cheapskates are frowned upon 'round these parts.
707) While your goal in creating the Shinigami Women's Association to "get Ken-chan laid" as you eloquently stated is very endearing Vice Captain Kusajishi, you are not allowed to pursue it. –Captain Unohana.
708) Hooking up male academy students with hot women like "Luppi" or "Charlotte" is no longer allowed, regardless of the epic, epic win from the resulting trainweck.
708a) As long as you don't get caught, because it's just that fuckin' hilarious!
708b) The previous addendum has been repealed, Shunsui. -Captain Unohana
709) Informing Captain Komamura or Vice Captain Abarai of their "jobbing" status is ill-advised. We are not responsible for what their respective Bankai do to you.
710) Captain Kyoraku, you are no longer allowed to claim "just impersonating Keitaro" to excuse accidentally falling on a well sized bosom. Punishment is carried out by one strict Vice Captain Ise.
710a) Punishment? By Nanao-chan? Yeah, that's reeeeally gonna stop me...
710b) The punishment for breaking rule 709 has changed to a swift kick in the balls, executed by one Komamura Sajin. Not so cocky now, are ya brat? -Captain Commander Genryusai Yamamoto.
711) This is reminder that any mention of the planet Uranus is not to be done so in front of the captains. Hitsugaya-taicho is still young enough to laugh at those jokes. It'll be worse if done so in the presence of Kusajishi-fukutaicho; Kenpachi has stated that learning about the birds and the bees will be done only when she is 700 hundred years old. Failure to do so on the latter will result in injuries that even Unohana-fukutaicho has refused to heal.
712) It doesn't matter if his sword can purify Hollows, you can't recruit Gatsu/Guts into the Gotei 13, we don't need another war, especially a war with the Godhand.
712a) No, you can't even organize meeting between him and Kenpachi. Or between Kenpachi and Zodd. We can't repay the property damage.
713) Read a Kenpachi Slash fic in front of Kenpachi. Or at all.
713a) For the safety of other members of the Soul Society. all slash paraphernalia will be monitered by the SWA. as per their orders all slash fics involving Zaraki-taicho have been banned from all three worlds.-Captain Cmmdr. Yamamoto.
713b) On second thought, all slash shall be monitored by the SMA, as this will reduce the number of items to be monitored to nearly zero.
714) Even if she deserve it, we are not autorized to send J.'s soul to Hell. So, stop with your tentative, Mayuri. And no, we don't want to know what you have received as bribery.
715) 4th Squad 5th Seat Ikari, 11th Squad 6th Seat Soryu-Langley and 12th Squad 8th Seat Ayanami, you're not autorized to go into a human word and torture Hideaki Anno. Unfortunately.
716) We are not autorized to conctact the Morisato family. We DON'T need to enrage Belldandy-sama, idiots!!!
716a) Same goes for the Tendo family: 11th Squad 4th Seat Kasumi is TOO EASLY edgy!
716b) Same with the Hinata-sou in Kanagawa Prefecture. How do you think Captain Ukitake got his cough in the first place?
716c) I thought Captain Unohana gave it to him for asking about her age?
716d) As well as the Misaki Family, we do not need anymore people traumatized by Washu.
717) 12th Squad R&D Department is now forbidden to create gates from Soul Society to the Star Trek universe, Quo'nos world. Even if the Klingon will be a nice addition to our ranks, we don't need them to elect Kenpachi to being their new God of War and 11th Squad to be their new phanteon.
717a) Urahara, it's count double for you. DON'T DO IT!
717b) And no we are not simply making excuses because we don't want to return Shinigami Enterprise
717c) No Mayuri, you can't make a gigai for Kahless because he want to return home and kick his clone's and ex-subject's asses. Just, don't do it.
718) Pranking Shunsui by leaving a toddler with him is forbidden. It took him years to stop moping when Tylor was finally old enough to leave Soul Society. Even if we hear he is now a captain in his own right.
718a) Did you have to remind him. Now moaning about his little boy being all grown up and getting it on with hot alien empresses.
718b) And the fact he never had twin's offer themselves to him.
718c) And no, you are not autorized to make a Father-Son Day for they: we DON'T want to give Empress Azalyn access to Soul Society, it cannot be god!
717d) Please note despite the similarities The Marine Jason aboard the Soyokaze is not the Jason on the top 10 locate and kill at all cost list. That one doesn't like leaving the camp.
719) Gensokyo has been added to the Forbidden Places List. And no, Marisa Kirisame and Reimu Hakurei are not the lost daughters of Kyoraku and Starrk.
720) The Kill On Sight Order on Jason Vorhees has been repealed, due to a conctact between him and Freddy Krueger. Jason has been able to give the dream-killer heavvy problems, and we prefer the knife-user to the burned-face psychopath, thank you very much. General Commander Yamamoto.
720a) Kenpachi, you can recruit him, if you can make Uraraha and/or Mayuri a device to permanently kill Freddy.
721) Kenpachi control the new members of your division. We don't know how or where you found them and quite frankly we are afraid to ask, Never the less if we get woke up at 3 AM with a cry of Waaagh!! one more time we will have them burned
-Central 46
722) Captain Mayuri Kurotsuchi you are no longer allowed to collaborate with the mortal known as Kohran. Especially on use of Nightmare fuel. we do not care that fresh water, trees, dead dinosaurs and all that other fuel are technically finite and that we'll never run out of blood, crud, tears and fear, You will not harness THEM as viable sources of energy?
722a) or that humans are a renewable resource, and that sanity is overrated.