A/N: Because I'm not entirely convinced he knows what's up. I own nothing.

"It is within your nature to pull away from me," Hancock swooned, face heated and legs casually keeping pace with Luffy's as he walked across the grassy deck of the Thousand Sunny. He looked unusually irritated.

"I really don't get you," he finally decided, stopping in his tracks and looking up at her seriously.

Here we go again, Zoro groaned internally, listening in on the loud conversing. Usopp pretended to fish, but he, Brook and Chopper always took particular amusement in these anti-lover spats they had.

"If you were to marry me, I would make sure every day would be the best day of your life," she promised, capturing his fingers in hers and letting him study her watery eyes. "Please, Luffy. I love you so much."

Luffy glanced over at the galley entrance and saw Sanji poised to kick his ass if he answered the wrong way. He winced.

"Look, Hancock. I'm not marrying you. That's that."

The tears cascaded down her face. "Why?"

He frowned. "Why do you wanna get married so bad anyway?"

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you!"

"I can't spend the rest of my life with you," Luffy responded. "I'm already married."

Sanji had turned to go back in the kitchen, satisfied that Luffy still wasn't honing in on his territory, but swung his legs around to stare bug-eyed with the rest of the guys at Luffy's bold, unexpected statement. Hancock's eyes receded into her head.

"Already…already married?"

"You are too," he pointed out, blinking at her like it was obvious. He walked casually over to his three fishing comrades and patted each on the head. "We're all married."

"Did I…walk in at the wrong time?" Franky asked slowly, having just come up from his work shop and blinking in horror at Luffy's misunderstood declaration of engagement to three men at the same time. Zoro was speechless. Sanji was disintegrating.

"You've got your crew too, Hancock," he continued, grinning ridiculously. "You know? You'll finish visiting us and go back to them, right?"

Hancock blinked back her tears and sniffed. "Y-yes, but-"

"I heard something about being married?" Robin inquired, she and a slightly disturbed looking Nami poking their heads out of the girls room.

"Yeah," Luffy giggled. "We're all married."

"AS IF THAT'S SOMETHING I'D WANT," Sanji roared, a frying pan smashing into his captain's face and knocking him off his feet. "YOU'RE NOT EVEN A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN."

"You're some kind of special stupid," Usopp muttered, Chopper nodding in agreement. Franky shook his head and waved like he'd given up on understanding as he trudged into the guys room.

"I did not see that one coming," Brook started. "But there are many things I do not see coming because I am a skeleton. YOHOHOHO~"

"So it was just you being an idiot," Nami grumbled, ushering herself and Robin back in the room since there wasn't really anything interesting going on. Robin's mirthful laugh rang through even after the door had closed.

"We're meant to return to different places, Hancock," Luffy reasoned brightly. "We've both got people we have to go back to, no matter what."

Sanji smirked and went through the galley door. Zoro smiled in his sleep and Chopper resisted the urge to wriggle as Usopp nodded at Luffy's reasoning. Franky's tears fell like flood water as he ventured out after listening from the door, muttering about how super he felt.

"You're so perfect," Hancock sobbed, grabbing him up in her arms and crushing him. "It only makes me love you more."

Luffy puffed up his cheeks and let her cry all over him.

Some people just didn't get it.