Well, I'm back. Kinda. I'm not going to make promises on updates or anything, since I'm moving from college slacker to contributing member of society. Besides, I wouldn't want to ruin my perfect incomplete record would I?

Well, there is that once fic that could be a standalone...

Anyways...

This is a cross over with the RPG Monsters and Other Childish Things for those of you who don't know what that is, it's essentially what you would get if you crossed a children's show with a horror movie. Think Nightmare on Elm Street meets Barney, and then rapes Barney. There will be nightmare fuel galore in this fic, so no complaining about the horrors I inflict on your delicate psyche. You've been warned.

Harry Potter and Childish Things

The Meeting

It all started with Dudley's birthday. As always, Dudley got a ton of presents, while Harry was forced out of the way, into his cupboard. However, this year, Dudley turned seven, which meant that he had outgrown "little kids stuff."

"Here." Dudley sneered, throwing something at Harry. "I'm too grown up for such a baby toy. Maybe this'll keep you from crying about your dead parents!"

Harry didn't respond, knowing it would only make things worse. Instead, he waited until Dudley shut the cupboard, and examined the closest thing he had to a real gift. It wasn't much to look at, a fairly ragged stuffed T-Rex, probably something bought from a gift shop years ago. Still, it was far better than anything else he had, so he placed it on the shelf, curled up, and went to sleep.

Things proceeded as normal, the only difference was that Harry had someone to talk to. Sure, Rex didn't talk back to him, but being able to voice his problems helped. This went on for a few weeks, before something unusual happened.

Rex talked back.

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Harry stared.

"WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT???"

"Well, I've never talked to a dinosaur before."

"I'VE NEVER TALKED TO A HUMAN BEFORE, SO I GUESS WE'RE EVEN."

"I suppose you're right..." Harry responded, too surprised to do anything else.

"CAN WE GO OUTSIDE??? IT'S BORING IN HERE."

"I don't know... it's pretty late..." Harry's childish mind allowing him to accept and adapt to this unexpected change.

"COME ON... IT'LL BE FUN..." Rex wheedled.

"Alright..." Harry sighed, picking up the toy and sneaking out of the house.

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"Okay, we're outside. Now what?"

"HANG ON A MINUTE. I NEED TO STRETCH."

"What do you mean stretch?" Harry asked, though his question was quickly answered.

Rex... for lack of a better word... changed. The ragged toy shifted, warped, and grew, it's bright yellow color darkening to a deep orange, accompanied by dark red stripes. His arms grew massive, taking on the proportions of a gorilla's. Bladed claws jutted out from his hands and feet, and his jaws grew to a massive size, and for a moment, harry thought he saw flames flicking inside his mouth. To complete to horrifying image, a massive, glowing red eye opened on Rex's head, gazing into the unspeakable nightmare beyond mortal comprehension.

There was only one appropriate response.

"Wicked."

This began a beautiful, if disturbing, friendship.

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At first, Harry tried to hide Rex. He always kept him safely stored in his book bag, or hidden in the cupboard. However, Dudley seemed to have a second sense when it came to things important to Harry. It was only a few short weeks before Dudley noticed Harry's new favorite toy. And of course, anything Harry liked, Dudley liked to take away.

It was only a matter of time before Dudley gathered up his gang for another round of Harry-Hunting. As usual, they were relentless, and quickly herded Harry into an alley.

Sadly for them, that was just what Harry needed.

"How's it going Harry?" Dudley asked, his gang trying to look menacing behind him.

"You should leave me alone Dudley." Harry responded, displaying a previously unknown confidence.

"Oh? What are you going to do?" Dudley sneered, accompanied by the laughter of his minions.

"I'm not going to to anything." Harry replied. "He is."

It was then that the gang noticed the heavy breathing behind them. As one, they turned around slowly, their eyes widening as they beheld the monster.

His jaws widened into what only Harry recognized as a grin, an Rex let out of terrifying roar. The gang fled from the abomination, screaming. Only Dudley remained, to transfixed by terror to move. Rex's grin widened, and he leaned forward, and licked him. Dudley's eyes rolled back into his head, as he soiled himself, and blacked out.

Harry grinned, and calmly walked out of the alley, as Rex reverted to his benign shape and size. It was a good day.

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After that encounter, Dudley and his friends left him alone, but Harry's reputation changed from Dudley's punching bag to creepy kid. That reputation worsened after Vernon learned of the encounter, and decided to express his displeasure.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR COUNSIN BOY!?!" Vernon shouted, his voice echoing through the house.

"I didn't do anything!" Harry yelled, "It was Rex!"

"YOU THINK I'LL BELEIVE THAT HORSE TRIPE!? I KNOW WHAT YOU DID!" Vernon screamed back, his veins bulging.

"I'm telling the truth!!!"

"SHUT UP BOY!!!" Vernon yelled, unbuckling his belt. "NO FOOD FOR A WEEK, BUT FIRST, YOU NEED A GOOD BEATING SO YOU KNOW YOUR PLACE!!"

That was the last straw. Of all the stupid things to do, threatening a monster's kid is at the top. Within seconds, Rex had resumed his true form, and was snarling at the now terrified Vernon. Struggling to avoid tearing the house apart with his size, Rex bent down, and looked at Vernon, meeting him eye to glowing red eye. Vernon began screaming, and didn't stop, he screamed until his throat went raw and coated with blood. He kept screaming, even when Petunia called the paramedics and he was taken away.

Surprisingly, the timing of the incident couldn't have been better. Grunnings had amazing health insurance, and Vernon had been involved in an important deal at the time. It was fairly obvious that the pressure had gotten to him, and Grunnings always looked out for its own. Despite the loss of their source of income, the Dursleys were now set for life, in honor to the dedicated employee whose mind was tragically crushed under the pressure.. Eventually, they moved the unresponsive Vernon from the hospital back home, where he spent hos days mindlessly staring at the television.

Petunia learned the lessons that Vernon and Dudley had failed to heed, and Harry was moved out of the cupboard, and into Dudley's second bedroom. Harry was treated, if not warmly, then at least cordially. Likewise, Dudley had no desire to repeat the encounter with Rex, and learned to avoid Harry as much as possible. While he retained one or two loyal gang members, the majority of them deserted him, in fear of drawing Harry's ire.

At this point, everyone avoided Harry as much as possible, but now, it no longer bothered him as much. Harry had Rex, and that was more than enough.

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Kind of a slow start, but this was mostly just setting the scene. Let me know what you think, and feel free to point out any spelling/continuity errors or pitch some suggestions. I'm not saying I'll make changes, but I'll at least read them.