thanks for the chap and please update MOAAR!

I found this story floating around on AO3, and seeing that you had an account here, I thought I’d leave a review where it couldn’t be easily deleted.

For starters, in this story, Connor is not Ziio’s son but his would-be fiance. Haytham has no relation to him; I figured you wanted to skip the whole incest thing. Instead, Alex absorbs Connor and his memories, and, wearing his body, decides to live out the game while courting Haytham. We haven’t reached that base yet, so I’ll leave it be for now.

After consuming Connor, Alex decides to go on an adventure to find the truth. What truth, you may ask? Well, no one knows yet. But he attacks Assassins and Redcoats alike, exposing them to the Blacklight virus and causing yet another epidemic. That’s the thing that kept popping up in my mind every time Alex killed someone: hasn’t that person been exposed? Any open wound, any exchange of fluid, would cause them to succumb to the disease. It’s not pretty.

By Chapter 6, we learn that Alex has the same name as Connor, but he’s Not-Connor. There’s no mention at all of the coincidences of sharing the same Mohawk name, or why Connor should trust Not-Connor so easily. I mean, Alex did assimilate a guy with the same Mohawk name. Is this a plot hole, or some plot point that was never explained?

By Chapter 7, Alex decides to throw out all subtlety and just tell Connor that he’s an Assassin too, despite you writing earlier that Alex wanted nothing to do with the Assassin-Templar war. He happily lays it all out for the boy, and Connor just mindlessly accepts it.

No. Just...no. It doesn’t work like that. Connor has no reason to trust Alex, even though he assimilated another Mohawk. Alex would also have no reason or care to tell Connor the whole story, because even Alex doesn’t know the whole story/truth yet. But we’re going to forget this because Logic.

By Chapter 9, in a fit of ALL CAPS, Alex declares to Haytham that he’s an Assassin, despite Alex initially wanting nothing to do with the Assassin-Templar war. Alex is a lone wolf, you write, but he’s already the surrogate dad to Connor, whom he shares the same name with, and was supposed to marry Ziio who burned in a fire and whose death Alex shouted in ALL CAPS to Haytham. Very, very dramatic.

There’s a part where Alex has an internal monologue about how Connor’s people will continue to be decimated by the Europeans. All fine and dandy, but is that really in Alex’s motif to care? Alex doesn’t really care about anyone or anything except his sister, and he readily killed 3 million people in New York by spreading the Blacklight virus. These noble morals don’t apply to him.

I’ve noticed that when it comes to the passage of time, you write a lot of time skips. Years, months, and days go by without any character development of interesting event. It is as if this tumultuous time period is little more than an irritating skin cream. Alex is too busy schooling kids, listening to Giry yell at him in ALL CAPS, and train Connor in ASSASSIN TRAINING, FUCK YEAH!

The better part of this story is that the Blacklight virus, despite hating water, happens to hang around the Boston ports; sailed across the Atlantic to get to Britain, which has a lot of rain; and remains on the Eastern seaboard. In the middle of winter. You have got to love that lapse of logic. You also have to love when this is put aside when Alex goes to make Connor soup after his failed treasure hunt expedition. Why’d he go on it, again, despite never being across the Atlantic, and despite there being more important things on his home turf? I don’t know. I don’t think you know, either.

“Those founding figures of America are perverts and paedophiles” - You write that, but I don’t think you honestly believe this crusade. You have no issue writing homosexual pederasty, nor do you have an issue with a young Native boy going after a man with a mutagenic virus that assimilates anything that comes into contact with it. Those neat little things makes your moral crusade seem lifeless.

Of all the things wrong with this story, the time skips have to be the worst ones. Whenever we’re at an apex, you cut to another place and time. Think of it as a YouTube video with too many jumpcuts: it’s smooth at first, but when you start paying attention, it becomes more noticeable. In your case, these time skips reduce the severity of whatever situation you are trying to build up. As you are not differentiating much from the game, it’s not hard to see where things are going to go. The time skips also diminish any character development, and when Alex isn’t having his viral internal monologues, he’s talking about how he doesn’t like hugs and how an unwanted kiss made a prepubescent kid set sail and run away.

That was pretty dumb to read that. The monologues where the virus is controlling Mercer’s thoughts is another. Instead of being a vessel to control Mercer’s body, it’s a snarky, sentient that doesn’t scare anyone aside from the biomass it consumes and emits – which, by the way, you wrote as being diminished as Mercer has not consumed many people.

That reminds me: Gabriel, the gay thief, kissed Mercer, but did not become infected with the Blacklight virus. Hell, anyone who was attacked and maimed by Mercer was never infected. Nor does his presence ever raise any eyebrows, even when he assumes the form of Not-Connor. He wants to protect Connor, even though Mercer legit doesn’t care about anyone aside from his sister. Daily reminder he killed 3 million people in Manhattan and has killed scores of mercenaries and civilians to get what he wants. Why he’s playing the noble moral crusader when it comes to Native American genocides confuses me.

If there is a romance here, I have no idea where you’re going with it. On AO3 Mercer was supposed to go with Haytham. Why? Because gay relationships, that’s why. This despite Mercer feeling so bad for Ziio’s death, and threatening Haytham if he ever tries to hurt Connor. This is AFTER Mercer killed Assassins indiscriminately as a bounty hunter. Remember that? Remember when you wrote that Mercer hopped on a ship to England – despite the Blacklight virus hating water so much – and killed the Assassins who were stalking him, because Haytham asked him to, and congratulated him on?

Pepperidge Farm remembers. It really says something when I remember your own story better than you do. Initially, Mercer didn’t give a damn. But now he does, because love? I don’t know. If it wasn’t for the ALLCAPS and Giry giving Mercer hugs I’d wonder what fandom this story exactly belonged in. It’s definitely not Prototype, and it’s a weird as hell Assassin’s Creed.

You still haven’t answered why, if the Blacklight virus hates water so much, happens to settle on the Eastern seaboard, that regularly gets rain, snow, and hurricanes.

As they say, time and time again: never go full retard.

Oh my god OH MY GOD I AM SCREAMING RIGHT NOW HOLY SHIT I was literally trying DESPERATELY not to hyperventilate the entire time I was reading this chapter and HOLY SHIT I LOVE YOU

Está historia está sacando viejos recuerdos

Eso explica algunas cosas sobre los nombres, eso me tenía a confundido.

Supongo que se siente un poco humillado, una persona normal casi le gana

Supongo que unos años como nativo americano le ayudaron a superar un poco su remordimiento

Supongo que los recuerdos que tiene de otros están almacenados como el internet, los saca cuando los necesita

Realmente esperaba que hiciera la patada de, esto es Esparta

Realmente debe estar aburrido si uso sus bombas virales con una simple patrulla

Realmente no es una mala idea, solo hay que saber aprovecharlo bien, Álex mercer tiene mucho potencial como personaje

I'm so happy you've updated! It's okay I understand being busy, I'm scheduled to work 10 days in a row and I hardly even find the time to eat! I'm just glad that you're still here and working very hard for this story and your life. It's okay to take breaks and rest, as long as you're feeling well

Awesome chapter.

-wipes tears- Beautiful, amazing! No words can express the shear amount of love I have for this story.
Gabriel and Giry?! My two favorite characters, they're just perfect and god I love them so much these adorable amazing -streams of tears-

-shakes fist at Maverick- You know nothing lady! Don't you accuse grandmaster bun and god bun, I'LL FITE YOU TO PROTECC

With every chapter you write of this story, it just keeps getting better and better! Take your time to write, you do this with your time and not ours! If you're having difficulties it's always best to solve them instead of pushing them aside -heart emoji-

I’m squealing from excitement! I love this story so much, it’s along my favs! I’m glad you’re back!