I've decided that this one quote fits me best: "Thus shall I firmly abjure this figment others name reality, and leave in its stead a wondrous vision conjured from the teeming depths of mine imagination."

I hereby dedicate my stories to the readers who make me what I am and my family who accepts me as I am.

I'm an Australian who was yoinked onto this site by my sister's advice (good stuff if you can find it).

I favour Harry Potter fanfics, but I'll read almost anything if it's good enough. Case in point, Naruto. Some fics do it better than the originals.

I have ideas and concepts bouncing around in my skull, and now I've got somewhere to share them. Thanks in advance for constructive criticisms and reviews, and please bear in mind that I'm crazier than Luna.

Some Thoughts I Live By (Most of them live right next door...):

"Life is not stranger than fiction, life is fiction."

"Life is an 'f' in lie..."

"If ambidextrous means you're equally good with both hands, does being equally bad make you ambisinistrous?"

"The most dangerous form of madness, is the conviction that you're sane."

"The improbable, we can do immediately; the impossible takes just a little bit longer..."

"I read to escape reality... problem is, reality keeps catching me."

"Of course I'm paranoid, but am I paranoid enough?"

"Just because they are out to get you, it doesn't mean you're not paranoid."

"It's not the bullet with my name on it that worries me. It's all the ones marked To Whom It May Concern..."

"My shoulder angel and shoulder devil agree more often than not. Should I be worried?"

"You can be absolutely correct, and still be crazy." This also applies in reverse: "Just because I'm insane, it doesn't mean that I'm wrong."

"You know, for such an incredibly intelligent person, you sure do a lot of stupid things."

"Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed."

"When the birds go to war against the fish, the only winners are the cats."

"You should only stop learning when you're dead, and if what I've heard about the afterlives out there is anywhere close to true, not even then."

"We don't fight with our swords, we don't fight with our fists. We fight with our hearts" Am I the only one who thinks this could get really messy?

"Ahh... Chaos and mayhem everywhere, my work here is done."

"If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid."

"Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup."

"Impossible just means no-one's managed it... yet."

NINJA THOUGHT: "It's not assassination, it's... sociological surgery."

"The problem with looking at the big picture, is that it's made up of little pictures. It doesn't matter that your big picture is a beautiful red sunset if all the little pictures are red from the blood of the innocent." Take that, Mr Dumbledore!

"I never get lost, but sometimes I have trouble telling my right from my left." "Sometimes?" "Okay, most times... alright, all the time, geez, happy now?" "Yes." This was me arguing with me... and losing...

"Join the club, we've got jackets... those 'I-love-me' jackets that do up in the back..."

This one's from my daughter, arguing with me about the HP plotline: "You are poking holes in a perfectly good net!"

"Okay... I have no idea how you manage to look that villainous in a Hawaiian shirt." I personally don't feel anywhere near as evil without one.

"Electronics run on smoke. When the smoke escapes, the device will no longer function."

This is an odd one that occurred to me as I was preparing a villain that the characters had to work with in one of my D&D campaigns: "Choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing me..."

"Home is where the heart is... explains why I can't find my pulse, doesn't it?"

"Stupidity is the only capital crime. Fortunately, it's self-enforcing."

"If you are thrown out of Asia, are you dis-Oriented?"

"You have a dizzying intellect... it goes around and around in circles until everyone falls over."

"It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye... then it's a party!!"

"Let me guess your sign... Darwin Awards Honourable Mention."

"All evil requires to win is for good men to do nothing." Interestingly, I have come to realize that the reverse is not true.

Always remember the Evil Overlord Rules, especially the one about grandchildren and crocodiles.

Apparently, I'm a Hufflepuff... now they'll never suspect my schemes until too late. But Hard Work is necessary, or bravery goes to waste, wisdom remains unacquired, and ambition unfulfilled... All Hail the Hufflepuffs!!

ISCBYBL (pronounced Ishkabibble): I Simply Cannot Believe Your Backwards Logic.

So many times, I have noticed, wisdom sounds like madness. Why is that?

Here's one I remember my Grandfather using: "If it takes thirty-six yards of billy-goat's tripes to knit a waistcoat for an elephant, how long does it take a cock-eyed cockroach to walk a yard of treacle?" He would also ask "How long is a piece of string?"

If you have an answer or a response to any of these thoughts, including the ones below, feel free to PM me. I'm also on the lookout for more such quotes and thoughts.

HP Musings:

1. There is a thought that's been rattling around in the back of my mind for a while now. Apparently, magical locations cause electronic devices to fail and die (they run on smoke, you know). This is patently false. The Ministry is somewhere in the Heart of Metropolitan London. Grimmauld Place is in there somewhere, and so is Diagon Alley, to say nothing of Platform 9&3/4, which is in King's Cross Station. Any one of these is teeming with magic, and yet the 'muggles' never notice any problems with their electronics. Even in 1981, King's Cross Station required electronics, and had for decades. So either the students are being lied to (a far more likely scenario, considering the source) or Hogwarts is specifically warded against electronics... Considering that to ward against something requires that someone understand it, at least a little (or anti-Dark Mark wards would have been very popular) I am firmly of the opinion that electronics would function just fine, if the students had actually brought any.

2. There is a key point at which I realized that the HP story was being forced into a path where it didn't want to go: When Ron was the one to get them into the Chamber in Deathly Hallows. In CoS, a big deal was made about parseltongue being a magical gift, not something common at all, so Ron shouldn't have been able to open the Chamber in DH... unless he was possessed, as Ginny was. And if he was possessed, then he wouldn't have let Hermione destroy the Cup, and the only way to stop her would be the Imperious Curse, which also explains the kiss and that depresses Harry enough that when Snape 'reveals' Dumbledore's plan, he meekly goes to die instead of fighting to the last breath. This whole sequence may be a starting point for me to write a story about in future, but if anyone else wants a shot at it, let me know!

3. Polyjuice Potion: The point has been raised in my mind (through someone's excellent writing, of course) that the infamous Polyjuice potion could be used to harvest more material for 'priming' the polyjuice, because the potion has to read DNA. After some thought, I came to the conclusion that this stance doesn't work. If the potion read DNA to determine someone's appearance, the fake Moody (Barty Crouch jr, this means you) would have to remove his own eye and leg every time he drank it. He didn't, so the potion works off something else. I posit that the potion, requiring some part of the person you wish to look like, functions through a form of sympathetic magic that reads the hair's magical signature and forges a link to the donor's magical core in order to duplicate their current appearance (This is a combination of Sympathy and Contagion, both magical Laws in their own right). This is also why the donor (Mr Moody, by canon) had to be kept alive, or the dratted Crouch could have just shaved him bald and diced him up for polyjuice ingredients, instead of needing to harvest the stuff fresh every so often (Not much good to disguise yourself as someone in that kind of shape, eh?).

4. Plothole! Severus' memories (the ones he gives Harry after Voldemort killed him) are false! Or he's such an @$$-hole it can't be excused. Those memories have him in the house shortly after Voldemort's... dispersal seems a good word... and yet, who was it who found Harry? Hagrid and Sirius! No sign of Snape at all. So either the memories are false (he is a Master Legilimens) or he's the kind of person who'd leave a baby in a destroyed house with no protection just 'cause he didn't like the kid's dad... hmmm... and Dumbledore left Harry on a doorstep in Winter... Doesn't Magical Britain have any concept of childcare?

5. I've just noticed a pattern with the names of the Peverell Brothers, Antioch, Cadmus and Ignotus. Look at their first initals, and render them a numeric value based on their place in the alphabet. Each is three times the value of the previous, a very potent mix, and when you add in the fairy tales involving third sons... well, the older two never had a chance.

6. Plothole gets deeper! There are many stories I have read wherein the Potter will is unveiled and these are good. Especially where they state that poor Harry was NEVER to go to the Dursleys. However, there are a couple that stand out as... wrong. One in particular has Lily and James thanking Molly Weasley and her family for taking him in and being a second family to him. But the will was made before their death in '81, so how would the Potters have known that? THIS will screams out to me, at least, that it must be a forgery! I believe that it also harangued Peter Pettigrew as a traitor, for leading Voldemort to them. Either Lily was a seer, in which case why she didn't avert the events is a big question, or the will is a fake...

7. What's in a name? Nymphadora Tonks. I'm sure she has a middle name, but if she keeps insisting on people using her last name, it has to be worse than her first. There are so many bad names that involve the first half of her name, and Dora is... too plain, it just isn't her. So how about I chop off the 'Nym' and 'ora' sounds? That leaves us with 'Fade', a name I'm sure her personality could get behind, especially as the cousin of two Marauders (James was a cousin of the Blacks, too). It also hints at her metamorphmagus ability, which would let her 'fade' into a crowd...

8. A thought emerged while I was reading: Muggleborns (or Newbloods as I prefer). Most of the ones I've read about are either a younger or only child. Does the ministry, or someone in it at least, go around quietly sterilizing any muggle parents who have the audacity to dare have a magical child? Bad form, says I.

9. Not so much a musing as a comment: the goblin lied! Those carts have two speeds: too fast or too slow...

10. Plothole #3: In OotP, why didn't Voldemort collect the prophecy himself? Maybe he couldn't, because the prophecy wasn't really about him? Of course, he's far too self-important to believe it to be about anyone else, so he'd assume it was protected against him specifically. So who is the Dark Lord it mentions?

11. Could Luna's crumple-horned snorcack be the Far East's qilin (kirin if in Japan)? They have twisted branching horns (crumpled, almost) and are legendary for only being seen by the worthiest of mortals.

12. Harry's troubles always seem to start at Halloween. "Why?" I asked myself. Yes, the day is supposed to be a day of supernatural power, but why does it lock onto Harry? He wasn't even born that day... then I counted the difference between Harry's birthday and Halloween. 3 months exactly. Count back the missing 9 from July 31. He wasn't born that day... but it is possible, likely even, the he was conceived then.

13. Prophecy Problem: If Voldemort didn't know the section of prophecy that stated 'either must die at the hands of the other', then why didn't he just send large numbers of his followers after the children in question? The only parts he knew would have been identifying who the threat was, yet he chose to go after them himself, instead of simply having them killed. A suspicious decision if you ask me.

14. Prophecy Problem II: In more than a few fictions, people point out that Harry has to be Voldemort's equal, because of the prophecy. The Problem is, the prophecy doesn't say that they're equal... it says the Dark Lord will MARK him as an equal. Harry could be stronger, weaker, whatever, and it would all be the same to the Prophecy. His advantage is the Power the Dark Lord Knows Not, whatever that is.

10 Commandments of Survival:

1: Don't bring a knife to a gunfight... or rather, don't bring just a knife.

2: Battle plans never survive contact with the enemy... so be the enemy.

3: All else being equal, even the slightest edge matters.

4: Never trust someone who smiles all the time, they're up to something.

5: Speak softly and carry a big stick... heck, speak softly and carry a big gun.

6: Praise the Lord... but pass the ammunition.

7: If something seems too good to be true, it probably isn't.

8: 'Friendly Fire' isn't.

9: The price of liberty is constant vigilance. (Just ask Mad-eye...)

10: Expect the worst, the pessimist can only be pleasantly surprised.

11: Don't get caught.

Sugar and Spice:

Sugar's an angel, sweet as she's named,
Spice is her sister, fiery, untamed.
Where Sugar, you see, embraces the light,
Impatient Spice is Just looking to fight.
In the darkness, however, poor Sugar just cries,
Where fiery Spice just spits in their eyes.
So which is the virtue, which is the vice?
How can you decide between Sugar and Spice?

Sugar is loving, caring and kind,
Spice will just drive you out of your mind.
The sweet little angel could charm a great bear,
Where her sister would make of him something to wear.
Cute little Sugar you never attack,
'Cause then you have angry young Spice on your back.
So which is the virtue, which is the vice?
How can you decide between Sugar and Spice?

If you're talking to Sugar you're going to find,
The mischievous Spice isn't that far behind.
The one wearing blue, to set off her hair,
The other in black, 'cause that's all she'll wear.
So there on the borders of fire and ice,
Hold up the mirror to naughty and nice,
Which is the virtue, which is the vice?
How can you decide between Sugar and Spice?

Contramancer, 25th April, 2005

So you know, that's when I wrote it, not when I posted it. If you like the poem, feel free to PM me about it.

Naruto musings:

I have seen and heard many complaints and rants (even thought a few to myself) about the knuckle-head's outfit, and how orange is hardly the choice for stealth. Then I remembered something: Tigers are orange...

Has it occurred to anyone else the similarities between Naruto and Harry Potter? 1. They're both abused by the people who should be taking care of them. 2. They both have an external influence inside them (Harry's horcrux, Naruto's kyuubi). 3. They both receive 'guidance', if you can call it that, from white-haired old mentor types. 4. They both have a 'friend' they really shouldn't trust (Sasuke/Ron). Is the picture any clearer? Of course, that said, the two heroes are completely different, too. It's just that their situations are so similar...

New Thought: A lot of authors have taken to the 'Kunai Analogy' as I call it. They offer up the following example as a premise.

This kunai represents the Kyuubi, and this scroll is Naruto. (Seals Kunai on scroll). Is this a scroll, or is it now a kunai?

While this is an excellent analogy as far as it goes, and the seal on the jinchuuriki that binds his/her biju is obviously more complex, the point at which the analogy tends to fall apart is this... the kunai isn't sentient, but the Kyuubi is...

Of course, there's another aspect to the Kyuubi's sealing that gets overlooked. As evidenced by Sarutobi sealing away the 'soul' of Orochimaru's arms, the Shiki Fuuin can rip away the chakra, leaving the mind and personality behind. I ask, did Minato screw up the seal? If so, what would have happened if he'd gotten it right?

Here's a thought, a challenge if someone wants it... I may explore it myself at some point... Naruto was always being accused of being the demon fox, the Kyuubi reincarnated... but what if he really was? The harsh childhood he had would not endear the village to him, but the few people who did stand up for him might. A NaruHina tale for certain, and a most dangerous beginning indeed... Almost forgot, if you do take it up, please PM me to read it? I'm looking forward to seeing it.

On Soulbonds:

I love these stories and I believe they exist, here in real life. They're just more subtle. If you're wondering if your beloved is your soulmate, consider this:

"If love were distance, the Universe isn't big enough; If love were time, Eternity's not long enough." Now that's love, don't you think?

Some Definitions:

Koalas Approve: Since the koala has two thumbs on each hand, it makes sense that they can approve twice as much as we poor challenged humans.

Drop Bears: Urban legend has the drop bears as being carnivorous koalas that hunt by dropping out of a tree on poor unsuspecting tourists. I use them to approve villains and dark heroes.

Not enough koalas: This means I really liked the story.

Many thanx to the wonderful people reading and reviewing my stories. I hope I can continue to provide them at sufficient quality to entertain you all.

As a note, I believe Harry's problem with floo travel isn't in spite of his skill and talent as a seeker, but rather because of it. The highly acute spatial awareness he has from that activity is disrupted by the un-space the floo travels through, thus resulting in Harry not knowing how to re-orient himself upon exit. Final Result: Faceplant or A-over-T.

I've been surprised (I should be getting used to that, but then it wouldn't be surprising) yet again by how my humble offerings are being received. It seems that you all enjoy reading my stories at least half as much as I enjoy writing them, and I'm very happy that you do. I'm really not very sure about this, but the only way I can think of to repay my readers is to write more and better stories!

I also give thanx to those of you whose stories I have favourited, because without those examples, I might not have been inspired to write as much as I have.

For the challenges that these stories come from, my thanks go out to the following: whitetigerwolf, GoldenSteel, devilzxknight86. As I meet challenges from others, they'll be added here. Credit where it's due, after all.

In some of my stories, I make mention of Contramancy. I define this as magic that works against magic, such as the Finite spell. The Contramancer is a unique person, in that he cannot be directly affected by any magic, instead 'eating' it to heal himself or boost his own spells. This does not make him invincible, however. He cannot benefit from Healing magic, for example, and while he can't be hurt by a Cutting curse, a conjured rock or summoned tree branch are not in and of themselves, magical...

My life is devoted to my family and my writing. Doesn't sound like much, but it keeps me happier than trying to conquer the world...

To help understand which stories I'm working on, those currently in progress will be marked with an asterisk* like so.

A quick author's note: There are two very important words for any writer to use when they start a story, in my opinion. Whether that story is a fanfic or an original work doesn't matter, only that the words are used. Please note that I do not say written, because that isn't the point. The words are not inspiration, although they may well inspire, nor determination, although that too is often needed. These two words work best together, and should be used frequently as the story goes on.

“What are these two words of great and terrible power?” you ask? What if?

Another note: This one goes to those people who constantly point out what the 'real' Harry would have done in a given situation. All my stories are most definitely AU, because changes occur that mean that my Harry isn't the same as JK's Harry. That's the whole point of Disclaimers, isn't it? So that people know this isn't the original works? If I wanted to read about the real Harry, I'd be sitting in a chair reading the excellent originals instead of sitting in front of my laptop. The purpose of fanfiction seems to me to lie in the 'what if?', and that's where we come in. Everyone has different tastes and ideas of what's right when it comes to what they read, and none of them are wrong. If it helps, just consider it a totally different story whose characters happen to have the same names.

Writing tip: Regarding a decent French accent and writing it, I find it helps to say the unaltered word first. If it starts with a hard 'th', like 'there' or 'that', replace the 'th' with a 'z'. Soft 'th', such as you find in the word 'ethereal', can be replaced by an 'ss' sound. Anything that start's with an 'h' sound loses it, which makes 'here' become 'ere'. Any missing letters get replaced with an apostrophe, remember. Sounds simple, eh? So for the sample sentence : This ethereal figment has become the nightmare. In my French accent sounds as follows: Zis essereal figment 'as become ze nightmare.

Hope this helps someone.

A quick word for the guest reviewers: While I too hope for the inspiration to continue my stories, it doesn't help matters for guests (who I can't respond to personally, by the very nature of guest reviews) to make requests for, say, one of my Harmony stories over my Naruhinas. If my muse is going to give me those, so be it. Otherwise, we're out of luck. Constant requests, no matter how polite, actually reduce the chances of me being inspired to write the stories that are requested, not from spite or malice, but because I then associate that story with being told what to do, something I've always responded badly to. While I enjoy a good review, and constructive criticisms, these reviews that tell me to do something because someone doesn't like a given pairing get me down. I don't like down... we should all be sideways to each other... the view is more interesting that way.

And for something completely different... I have another story, a Buffy/Multi-crossover, on the Twisting the Hellmouth site, where I use the same pen-name. 'Three Stars United' is inspired by a challenge on that site, the 'Ship of the Line' challenge and I deal with that on that site. I do want to raise a fact. While Angel would have capable of moving the air necessary for CPR, there are mitigating factors that argue against attempting to. Don't get me wrong, I don't like the way he deals with everyone (when in doubt, lie about it), but three things stand out: 1) Angel had been dead for hundreds of years, most of which he wasn't using his lungs for. No-one can guess at the kind of crud that's in there, so it's not a good thing to push that stuff into some-one else. 2) He likely doesn't know the way to do CPR... he did die two hundred years ago, when if someone stopped breathing, you buried them. 3) Buffy at the time was bleeding, and after a century of animal blood, falling off the wagon once, he knew what he'd do if he got too close... let's face it, he had all the iron-clad willpower of moldy marzipan. So while I believe Angel to be a lousy person, he did the right thing there... but he still shouldn't have lied to everyone.

Regarding 'Amber and Emerald'*

Thank you. This humble crazy person is very grateful that you appreciate and review his small offerings. I have discovered that stories aren't as satisfying unless you share them, and will try to have a new chappie as often as I can.

Further Thanx go to those who have decided my writings are good enough to favourite or follow. Without you guys and girls (I can't tell from this side of my laptop), all this writing wouldn't be as much fun.

A big thank you to the several who pointed out my internal continuity error: I have now replaced Barty Crouch Senior with one Erasmus Whisk, an overly-officious man with all the imagination and initiative of a moldy turnip... and my apologies to the moldy turnips that feel they've been insulted.

Regarding 'Marked by Fire and Thunder'

Thanx again to those who are willing to give my writing attempts a shot (that's my modesty...scrawny thing, huh?). I love telling stories in writing, and an impartial (in theory, anyway) audience who can tell me how they feel about it is great.

I give more thanx to the people who are reviewing any of my stories, glad I can bring some enjoyment to you.

The Defense teacher is (cue the drumroll, please) Thaddeus Culann Bastion (I can just hear the epithets from the Slytherins about Professor Bastion's last name...). His name's a bit long for standard conversation, though. He'll try for 'Cool' but settle for 'Tad', I'm sure.

Regarding 'A Change in the Force'

This one has been sitting around with little or no momentum, and to top it off, I lost the files I'd already written. I have decided to go back and start again, but the lack of interest in it, mostly due to an OC I was using to spark things off, means that it has a very low priority.

Regarding 'Hari Rabbit: a Potter's Tale'

This one's a bit out there. Femharry raised by toons meets Hogwarts. I'm fairly sure there will be chaos, disaster and hilarity. Anyone on this site, be warned.

Toons can't be permanently harmed even by magic, being almost indestructible. But they are also, with the exception of cartoon villains, beings whose purpose is to make others feel better. Toon villains are foredoomed to failure, anyway (but they keep trying).

Regarding 'Six-guns & Sorcery: Hawke and Wolfe'

I couldn't resist this challenge, had to give it a shot (pardon the pun). The plan for this one will hinge on H/Hr embodying the phrase "Yea, though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I will fear no evil... for I am the most dangerous thing in that damn valley!" I just hope it's as well received as my other stories.

Regarding 'On Crimson Wings'-Complete. Regarding 'Beneath Azure Skies'*

Apparently, I'm a good author. Who knew? Well, you folks who read my fics, of course, but I certainly didn't have as much confidence in myself as you all seem to. It's a good feeling to tell a story to such an appreciative audience.

A shout-out to Erlic! Thanks for the nick: Creature Feature Preacher. Shortens to CFP, which makes me a public (reversed private).

With the first chapter of Azure Skies, I received such a response I think it crashed my e-mail for a bit! I had no idea it was anywhere near this popular. I guess even my own koalas are approving it... then again, Harry and Hermione are Dragons, I fried Snape's mind (literally) and choked Dumbles on a lemon drop. What's not to like? (Kidding. I try to build characters rather than bash them, you get more story that way. Remember, the best vengeance you can have on someone like the Malfoys is to make them irrelevant...)

Regarding 'Olympus Divided'

My first Percy Jackson fic, and I'm unsure of how well it'll go. Hope it does as good as any of my others.

Now that I've reached Chapter 4, I should be better able to advance the 'adventure' section of the story. Thanks to the people reading and reviewing this one, couldn't do this stuff without you (it kinda misses the point to write if no-one's gunna read it).

Regarding 'Project Naruto: Shinobi X'

My first Naruto fic seems good so far, and that's by the reviews. Here's hoping it stays that way.

I'm currently brainstorming on whether or not there should be a jonin exam. Obviously, with village secrets on the line, they won't make a huge spectacle of it, like the Chunin Exams, but how would they handle it?

CuO (See you 'round).