Hi! I'm obviously kage kitsune 14. So here's some info on me just encase you find yourself on my bio:

My avatar picture was created by a friend Sisaridu on Deviant Art (AKA blackdragon999 on fanfiction). It goes with my story Akakittens.

Name: kage kitsune 14, but you can call me kage.

Gender: Female

Age: 25

Hair: Brown

Eyes: Hazel. They can change from mostly brown to mostly green depending entirely on lighting.

Height: Five-foot-four inches.

Body Type: A bit extra.

Likes: Reading, Anime, Video Games, sleeping in.

Dislikes: Waking up early, peppers, sauerkraut, spiders, clowns, jerks who judge people based on body size.

Hobbies: reading, writing, playing video games

Dreams for the future: Write a best-seller.

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO, AVATAR: THE LAST AIRBENDER, PITCH BLACK/RIDDICK, POKEMON, HARRY POTTER, OR ANY OTHER FANDOM I MAY WRITE ABOUT ON FANFICTION.NET.

Warning, when you read my stories beware. I have a slight problem with skipping around to different fandoms and if I'm not interested in the fandom I'm writing I might not update for long periods of time.

Favorite Fandoms: Doctor Who, Harry Potter, Naruto, One Piece, Katekyo Hitman Reborn!, Avengers, Avatar the Last Airbender, Riddick, Twilight, Pokemon, Yugioh, etc. Basically if I have it on my favorites list, or I wrote a fanfiction for it I like it.

Favorite Songs (Currently): I Don't Look Good Naked Anymore (The Snake Oil Willie Band), Land Of Opportunity (A Great Big World), Seven Drunken Nights (The Dubliners), Bugger Off (The Dubliners), Lucky Sevens (Blackberry Smoke), You're Gonna Go Far, Kid (The Offspring), Too Cool For School (Fountains of Wayne), Tatta Latta Varia Version (Katekyo Hitman Reborn), Dropped (Phantom Planet), Wolf in Sheep's Clothing (Caleb Hyles and Jonathon Young Cover), Heaven Knows (The Pretty Reckless), Little Talks (Of Monsters and Men),

CURRENT FAVORITE QUOTES:

From Fanfiction:

"Wha- seriously!?" Cross spat. "How does a raccoon get the ability to cause seizures!?"

"When a stripe-rat AND A STROBE LIGHT LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH! NOW RUN FOR IT!" -This Bites, Xomniac

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From Books:

“And gears," said Anathema. "My bike didn't have gears. I'm sure my bike didn't have gears."

Crowley leaned over to the angel. "Oh lord, heal this bike," he whispered sarcastically.

"I'm sorry, I just got carried away," hissed Aziraphale.” ―Terry Pratchett, Good Omens

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Social Media sites:

just-shower-thoughts: How long does someone have to be dead before it's considered archeology instead of grave robbing?

australopithecusrex: as an archaeologist, i find this a veRY AWKWARD QUESTION

witch-with-a-dick: answer the question grave robber (Tumblr post on Pinterest)

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Pairings

Favorites:

Naruto:

Fem! Naruto/ Shikamaru - I really don't know what got me onto this pairing but I really like it.

Sakura/ Almost anyone - After time skip Sakura is much better than pre-time skip Sakura and since she's the main female role she's easy to pair up with many different guys.

Harry Potter:

Hermione/George- New favorite. I always imagined George as the nicer twin for some reason. So I like to pair these two together.

Hermione/Fred- Comes in second to Hermione/George but it's still a great pairing.

Hermione/Harry- They have a few things in common, and they are best friends. Besides with how she fights with Ron there's guaranteed to be domestic disputes and that just isn't a good thing no matter how you spin it.

Harry/ Most guys- Wait wait wait! Don't crucify me yet! I know I know the dreaded slash. But Harry has had to depend on himself for most of his life and it just appeals to me to have someone take care of him for a change.

One Piece:

Sanji/Zoro- they have such nice tension, I feel like it would break out at any moment. If it wasn't for the fact that Sanji was such a womanizer this could totally be canon.

Ace/Marco- I don't know why but this pairing appeals to me a lot too.

Inuyasha:

Kagome/Sesshomaru- my absolutely favorite pairing for this fandom.

Miroku/Sango- it's canon too.

Kagome/Inuyasha- comes in second place to Kagome/Sesshomaru but seriously who can blame it.

Pokemon:

Ash/Gary (Palletshipping)- I know I know. They're rivals, but I seriously don't like any of the girls Ash travels with. Misty was verbally abusive, May was uh, Dawn was really childish (more so than Ash), Iris was irritating as hell, etc, etc.

Avatar the Last Airbender:

Zuko/Katara- opposites attract and all that. Yeah that's about it for that fandom...

Yugioh:

Yugi/Yami (puzzleshipping)- just like this pairing.

Theif King Bakura/Bakura (Gemshipping)

Yugi/Pharaoh Atem (Blindshipping)

Yugi/Theif King Bakura (Boundshipping)- I just like the thief king for some reason and I like this pairing.

Yugi/Bakura (Heartshipping)

Yugi/Atem/Yami (Mobiumshipping)

Theif King Bakura/Bakura/Yugi (Riftshipping)

Yami Bakura/Bakura (Tendershipping)

much more...

Twilight:

Bella/any vamp guy- yeah not much more to say about that. Just avoid James, Riley, and Laraunt and I'll pretty much read any pairing.

Most Hated Pairings:

Naruto:

Sasuke/anyone- he's a douche. He doesn't deserve romance. If the story is good and Sasuke is totally out of character I'll read it.

Naruto/Hinata- I hate Hinata's character. She's a coward. She realizes how hard life is for Naruto and knows how much he would appreciate a friend but instead of being the friend he needed she stood back and let him be alone. Then instead of actually having the 'balls' to confess to him (figuratively) she only tells him after she jumps in the way of an attack meant for him practically sacrificing herself- so she wouldn't have to deal with Naruto's response (either positive or negative)- or so she thought. She's an altogether weak character and she doesn't deserve Naruto- he's too good for her.

Sakura/Naruto- I really dislike this pairing. Sakura had her chance with Naruto and after how many times she rejected him I just can't see them together as anything more than friends.

Gaara/Lee- this mostly disturbs me because of how popular it seems. I really can't see Lee with anyone, unless he got rid of the bowl cut and trimmed the eyebrows a bit.

Harry Potter:

Ginny/Harry- I know it's canon but I really don't like Ginny's character all that much. She's a fangirl for the first half of the series and then suddenly Harry's got a monster roaring in his chest about her? Sounds like he'd been doused with Love Potion, especially since he hadn't noticed her as even a possible girlfriend before that.

Ron/Hermione-I'm really not all that pleased with this pairing either, they get along like cats and dogs, and they barely have anything at all in common except that they're friends with Harry and they both have magic.

One Piece:

Don't really have a pairing I outright hate in this fandom (yet, give me time and I'll probably find something.)

Inuyasha:

Kouga/Kagome- I just don't like these two together. Probably because Kouga declared Kagome 'his woman' without any consideration for her feelings and it makes him seem like a cad. That and he was already promised to Ayame and it makes him seem irresponsible, something you don't want in a pack leader.

Kikyou/Inuyasha- Kikyou is dead and she should stay that way and leave Inuyasha alone. Especially because she keeps asking him to go to hell with her when she knows that she's already been reincarnated and thus Inuyasha would be going to hell alone.

Pokemon:

Ash/Misty - she's verbally abusive.

Ash/any other girl of his traveling partners- already listed reasons above.

Avatar the Last Airbender:

Zuko/Mai- she's depressing and Zuko needs someone whose happy to make him cheerful.

Yugioh:

Joey/Seto- I don't really like these two together because of how often Seto verbally flambes Joey. I'll read it if it's really good though.

Twilight:

Bella/Jake - I despise this pairing with all of my being. Mostly because Jake's a complete and utter cad in most of the series, especially after he turns into a werewolf. In the third book he sexually assaulted Bella and gets away with it completely. In fact if he had wanted to go farther he could have and Bella wouldn't have been able to stop him due to his supernatural strength. Charlie really lost my respect on that one. He should've been up and in arms about what Jake did, except he wasn't. And that really pissed me off. A good portion of rapes are by people the victim knows, and as a cop Charlie should have taken the fact that Bella (a usually passive person) had actually gotten angry enough to physically strike out. Which was a big fucking, flashing neon sign that something wasn't right.

Bella/Any werewolf- just don't like 'em all that much. Especially with Jake being the most prominent werewolf in the pack.

Stuff I copied and pasted:

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile

Put this on your
page if you love
Naruto!

Proud to be a Narutard(National anthem)

I am proud to be a narutard,

because i know your scared of me

and i won't forget that ku-nai,

that saved my life for free.

And i will man up,

and laugh at you,

for staring at my face.

Like Lady Gaga were born this wayyyy,

join the Naruto raceeeee!!!!!!

If you love the fact that almost all the time the evil guys in anime and or manga are hotter then the good guys…copy and paste this to your profile and add you name. Aurora1495, Kage Kitsune 14

If you love the Akatsuki and think that they are all hot put this on your profile

If you think Gaara is hot copy and paste this on your profile

If you think art is a bang copy and paste this on your profile

If you ever suffered from FanFiction withdraw copy this into your profile!

All the good men in this world are either gay, taken, or fictional charaters. Copy if true. It's not fair...-sob-

Female Comebacks:

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

Man: Your eyes they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.

Man: Do you have a map? Because I am lost in your eyes.
Woman: The only map I have for you leads off a cliff.

Pickup Lines That Are Doomed To Fail...

1. You look familiar; have I seen you before? Oh yeah, I remember! You look like my next girlfriend!

2. Hey baby, I'm like a rubix cube. The longer you play with me, the harder I get.

3. If I bit my lip, would you kiss it better?

4. Do you have a map? I got lost in your eyes...

5. If I said you have a nice body, would you hold it against me?

6. You be an iceberg, I'll be the Titanic, and I'll go down on you.

7. If I tossed this 50 cent coin, what are the chances of me getting head?

8. I'll be the flower, you be the bee, and you can have a taste of my honey!

9. Are you an alien? Cause you've just abducted my heart.

10. Can I take your picture? I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Christmas.

11. Your beauty was so distracting that I ran into a wall, so I'm gonna need your name and number...for insurance reasons.

12. Excuse me, I lost my number. Can I have yours?

13. If being pretty is a crime, then you are guilty as charged.

14. Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out!

15. Are you free tonight or is it gonna cost me?

16. Is it hot in here, or is it just you?

17. Are you an overdue book? 'Cause you've got FINE written all over you.

18. Do you have a mirror in your pocket? 'Cause I can see myself in your pants.

19. Did you fart? 'Cause you blew me away!

20. I know I'm no Fred Flinstone, but I can make your bed-rock.

21. The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.

22. What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.

23. That shirt’s very becoming of you. If I were on you, I’d be coming too

24. Nice dress; but it would look better on my floor.

25. Did they just take you out of the oven? Because you’re hot!

26. If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.

27. Can I borrow a quarter? I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams.

28. Do you have any raisins? No? Well, then how about a date?

29. Can I interview you? I'm writing an article on the finer things in life.

30. Can you help me settle a bet? My friends say angels don't exist...

31. Is there a ninja in your pants? 'Cause your butt is kicking!

32. What's that say on your neck? 'Made in Heaven'.

12 Most Fave Naruto Characters in Any Order and Answer the Questions!:

1. Itachi 2. Naruto 3. Sakura 4. Kakashi 5. Kisame 6. Hidan 7.Deidara 8. Pein 9. Shikamaru 10. Sasori 11. Zetsu 12. Jiraiya

1) Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fanfic before? Hidan/Zetsu. Not that I remember

2) Do you think Four is hot? How hot? Kakashi? With or without the mask. He's hot both ways, just hotter without the mask.

3) What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant? Jiraiya got Pein pregnant. First I would wonder if Pein was using one of his female Paths. Then I would wonder why Jiraiya allowed himself to have sex with his student. Then I would wonder what their kid would look like and wonder what Pein's gonna tell the kid when he grows up.

4) Do you recall any fics about Nine? Shikamaru? As a main or supporting character. I've read plenty of the later but not many of the former.

5) Would Two and Six make a good couple? Naruto and Hidan. I don't think so. Hidan is part of a group that is trying to kill Naruto so I don't see that working anytime soon.

6) Five/Nine or Five/Ten? Kisame/Shikamaru or Kisame/Sasori? Kisame/Shikamaru, at least Shikamaru has the needed parts. Sasori is a puppet unless he was brought back to life in his orginal body. Depends on the story I guess.

7) What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve having sex? Deidara walked in on Naruto and Jiraiya. Oh god. Poor Deidara. Jiraiya! You've already got together with Pein, what's next you going to bring Minato back and get together with him too?

8) Make up a summary of a Three/Ten Fanfic. Saku/Saso. Sasori has been brought back from the dead with Pein's Path, now he is looking for revenge against the one who killed him. But its been four years and the little pink haired girl has grown up, will he change his plans when he sees her?

9) Is there any such thing as a One/Eight fluff? Itachi/Pein fluff. Probably somewhere if you look hard enough.

10) Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve Hurt/Comfort fic. Deidara/Jiraiya. Bombs and Toads.

11) What kind of plot would you use if you wanted Four to de-flower One? Kakashi to de-flower Itachi. Itachi has just joined anbu and Kakashi is his captain. When their team loses the other two members, Itachi needs a way to forget. Will Kakashi help him?

12) Does anyone on your friends list read Three het? Friends list? Where in the world is this friends list?

13) Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Eleven? Again where in the Hell is this friends list?

14) Would anyone on your friends list write Two/Four/Five? Still no friends list.

15) What might ten scream at a moment of great passion? Art is eternal(?) (Sasori)

16) If you wrote a song-fic about Eight what song would you choose? Pein. Hm, Whatever it Takes by Lifehouse. Because the first part of the song reminds me of what happened with Yaiko. And he'll do whatever it takes to create peace.

17) One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warning be? Itachi/Hidan/Jiraiya. Warning for excessive swearing, perverted language, and OOCness.

18) What might be a good pick-up line for Ten to use on Two? Sasori to use on Naruto. "I always have morning wood."(?)

19) How might Eleven describe a relationship between Two and Eight? Zetsu might describe a relationship between Naruto and Pein. "Even though they are related, it seems to work for them. I don't know what Pein is going to do when we need to extract the Nine-tails though."

20) How emo is Seven? Deidara isn't emo!

12 Most Fave Avatar TLA Characters in Any Order and Answer the Questions!:

1. Aang 2. Iroh 3. Katara 4. Sokka 5. Zuko 6. Toph 7. Appa 8. Momo 9. Bumi 10. Ursa 11. Ty Lee 12. Suki

1) Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fanfic before? Toph/Ty Lee. No.

2) Do you think Four is hot? How hot? Sokka is pretty hot.

3) What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant? Suki got Momo pregnant. That could never happen. Momo is a male and a lemur. Not even the same species.

4) Do you recall any fics about Nine? Not exactly about Bumi, but I've read stories with him in it.

5) Would Two and Six make a good couple? Iroh and Toph. I don't think so. He is a little too old for her.

6) Five/Nine or Five/Ten? Zuko/Bumi or Zuko/Ursa? NEITHER! Bumi is way too old for Zuko and Ursa is his mother.

7) What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve having sex? Appa walked in on Iroh and Suki having sex. ...There is no words to describe what I am feeling right now.

8) Make up a summary of a Three/Ten Fanfic. Katara/Ursa. Katara meets a mysterious woman while she is out shopping and for some reason she feels drawn to her. And why does she look so familiar?

9) Is there any such thing as a One/Eight fluff? Aang/Momo fluff. I really don't know. I suppose if you actually looked for it. I doubt it though.

10) Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve Hurt/Comfort fic. Appa/Suki. Shoulder to cry on.

11) What kind of plot would you use if you wanted Four to de-flower One? Sokka to de-flower Aang. Maybe Aang had been looking at the wrong water tribe sibling.

12) Does anyone on your friends list read Three het? Friends list? Where in the world is this friends list?

13) Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Eleven? Again where in the Hell is this friends list?

14) Would anyone on your friends list write Two/Four/Five? Still no friends list.

15) What might ten scream at a moment of great passion? The name of the person she was with? (Ursa)

16) If you wrote a song-fic about Eight what song would you choose? Momo, hm... Good Company from Oliver and Company. He would be the 'Oliver' and Katara could be the girl.

17) One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warning be? Aang/Toph/Suki. Threesome, yuri, OCness.

18) What might be a good pick-up line for Ten to use on Two? Ursa to use on Iroh? "Would you like to join me in my private room for tea?" IDK.

19) How might Eleven describe a relationship between Two and Eight?Ty Lee describe a relationship between Iroh and Momo. "I don't see how it works, but there auras are pink so it must work."

20) How emo is Seven?Appa emo? Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha! Not at all.

If you can read this message, you are blessed, because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all: -I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! Tahts so cool! If you could read that put it in your profile.

PMS=Pissed at Men Syndrome (From Last Song by Nickolas Sparks)

"A woman and her sister were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As they were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if they needed any help. The woman replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." The sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and she turned beet red and walked away."

"A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear, ‘PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word 'Tampax' for ‘THUMBTACKS.’ In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom: ‘DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?’

LEARN CHINESE IN 5 MINUTES

Say the words out loud.

1) That's not right... ...Sum Ting Wong 2) Are you harboring a fugitive? ...Hu Yu Hai Ding 3) See me ASAP... ...Kum Hia Nao 4) Stupid Man... ... Dum Fuk 5) Small Horse... ...Tai Ni Po Ni 6) Did you go to the Beach?...Wai Yu So Tan 7) I bumped into a coffee table...Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni 8) I think you need a face lift...Chin Tu Fat 9) It's very dark in here...Wai So Dim 10) I thought you were on a diet...Wai Yu Mun Ching 11) This is a tow away zone...No Pah King 12) Our meeting is next week...Wai Yu Kum Nao 13) Staying out of sight...Lei Ying Lo 14) He's cleaning his automobile...Wa Shing Ka 15) Your body odor is offensive...Yu Stin Ki Pu 16) Great... ...Fa Kin Su Pah

Make your ninja name from the following alphabet:

A- ka B- zu C- mi D- te E- ku F- lu G- ji H- ri I- ki J-zu K- me L- ta M- rin N- to O-mo P- no Q- ke R- shi S- ari T-chi U- do V- ru W-mei X- na Y- fu Z- zi

Shannon: Aririkatotomoto (That sounds more like a last name then a first name)

A random producer guy from DisneyXD is working on Naruto Shippuden until... BOOM!

Jiraiya, Deidara, and Hidan crash into the room. "What is the meaning of this, un?!" Deidara yelled out. "You took out a precious moment of my art!!"

"As much as I appreciate you getting rid of my nickname, you're going to take out the women!" Jiraiya shouted.

"You took out the swearing... and the blood," Hidan growled as he walked up to him. "What kind of f_ing ninja show doesn't have blood in it?!" Hidan brought his scythe up to the guy's neck.

"It was for the fans! I made it appropriate so even six year olds could watch!" the guy screamed as he... uh... gave himself a reason to look for new pants.

"Who gives a crap about the freakin' six-year-olds?! The freakin' fourteen year-year-olds are gonna kill you for taking out the good parts!"

There was another BOOM! Three ninja fans busted down the wall. Two jounin-level boys, and a chuunin-level girl.

"GET HIM!!"

Put this on your profile if you noticed what Disney took out of Naruto Shippuden, and you're mad about it. And add yourself to the fans invasion!

If you think that it's not fair that the guys in manga and anime are almost always better than the guys in the real world, copy and paste this in your profile! Then add your name to the List Mit-chan007, Ni-Chan, vampgirl8, XxGaarasGirlXx, Gaaras1Girl, Hail-Knight, ShinoAndMe, KariandNole, Shiroi Maroboshi!!, VampireWolfGirl,AKATSUKICHIBI789, IceCrystal7, Aurora1495, Kage Kitsune 14

Quotes:

"It doesn't have to have a point. That what makes it candy." -Charle Bucket (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Movie))

"I want the immune system of Rasputin; he drank five bottles of poisoned wine, ate a meal that was poisoned and still wasn't effected, then he was shot several times, wrapped in a rug and dumped in a river and still managed to drag himself out of the river before dying." -me

"If you ever think you've made bad decisions just remember what it must feel like to be one of the 12 publishers that turned down Harry Potter." - (pic on Facebook)

"I wasn't born a jedi

I didn't find a wardrobe to Narnia when I was eight.

I didn't get my Hogwarts letter when I was eleven.

Gandalf, I'm counting on you to take me on an adventure when I'm fifty." - yet another pic on Facebook.

It's true, blonds do have more fun. But brunettes remember it in the morning.

I'm not good at empathy, will you settle for sarcasm?

"Oh, Yeah? Well your momma so fat even Naruto dosen't 'Belive it!'" (Ahhh, I luv this one!(You could also use so ugly))

"Genin from the leaf are we! All our missions rated 'D',

Fixing roofs and weeding grass,

BEING A GENIN SURE SUCKS ASS!"

"Damn those Wizard Cops!" AVPS (Act 1, Scene 1)

"Do you follow me?"

"NO!"

"The Dark Lord would have survived, had they never met"

"Wait wait wait wait, so you're saying, he wouldn't be destroyed?!"

"He'd be alive, what don't you get?"

"Still not understanding"

"With Potter gone, the future will reset!"

"Aaaah!" AVPS (Song: Not Over Yet)

"Long story short this guy, *whispers: Voldemort, was super cruel..."

"Voldemort?"

"Huh, Shh!" AVPS (Song: Harry Freakin Potter)

Next few quotes are from an M rated story, you have been warned.

"One bottle of Pamprin: $2.37. A half-gallon of Ben and Jerry's: $3.50. Four cartons of lady products: $20.00. The look on your vampire's face when you ditch him holding them all? Fucking priceless. It's true. There are some things money can't buy." -Bella Swan-The Quiet Room by givemesomevamp (/s/5899400/10)

"I turned back to them, gasp, and feign shock."Oops! I totally forgot." Cue palm to forehead. "I don't even have a uterus anymore!" Winking, I toss the bag of tampons back at them, which bounce off of Peter's chest and then fall to the ground, and skip away cackling like a maniac, leaving two surprised and more than slightly irate Reds in my wake." -Bella Swan- The Quiet Room by givemesomevamp (/s/5899400/10)

"Listen here, Ass-clown. Reading a book doesn't make me a doctor anymore than standing in a garage makes you a fuckin' Volvo."-Jasper Whitlock- The Quiet Room by givemesomevamp (/s/5899400/13)

"Fine. I'm a little crazy. You're a little dead, but you don't see me throwing that in your face constantly!" I had to admit she made a valid point. I was still extremely wary, but at least we outnumbered her." -Bella Swan and Peter Whitlock- The Quiet Room by givemesomevamp (/s/5899400/9)

"Oh, hell, yeah! She's not only a survivor, she's a fuckin' warrior! I was borderline giddy. How could there be so many contradictions rolled up into one small package? A frail body, a strong yet fragile mind, and a fighter's spirit… She'd had me at "Suck it," but she'd sealed the deal with the eyebrow. Luckily, I had nothing but an abundance of free time now with Charlotte away, and I'd found a new hobby. I'd always wanted to be a stalker." -Peter Whitlock- The Quiet Room by givemesomevamp (/s/5899400/4)

"At that moment, a man dropped gracefully out of the tree next to Red and stands completely erect. Looking into his eyes quickly, I see more red.

Not a man. Vampire.

Holy shit! You just magic'd up another one! You're my hero! Come on, do it again!

Matthew McConaughey. Matthew McConaughey. Matthew McConaughey. Matthew McConaughey." -Bella Swan and her other voice-The Quiet Room by givemesomevamp (/s/5899400/6)

"I open my eyes to see my imaginary friends looking very corporeal, framed in the coming darkness of the night in front of my open window, all black eyes and bared teeth.

Very much real and very angry.

Huh. My window doesn't open." -Bella Swan-The Quiet Room by givemesomevamp (/s/5899400/6)

"Death awaits you, all nasty with big, pointy teeth," I rasp out in a surprisingly strong voice accompanied by the largest sneer I could manage." -Bella Swan-The Quiet Room by givemesomevamp (/s/5899400/6)

"What's the damage?" I ask, truly curious and stalling still.

"Just a small flesh wound." I can hear the smile in her voice.

"Small, hell! My right arm!" I hear my brother shout from the background."-Peter, Charlotte, and Jasper Whitlock- The Quiet Room by givemesomevamp (/s/5899400/7)

"She ordered me about, and I followed like a mindless peon. Damn it, Pete was right. I was a fuckin' pussy. I did draw the line at carrying her purse, so that's a punch on my mancard…. But I had held her purse while she was in various changing rooms on more than one occasion.

Fuck my life.

I heard his hooting laughter ring out from ahead, I assumed he knew the conclusion I'd just drawn."-Jasper Whitlock- The Quiet Room by givemesomevamp (/s/5899400/14)

"Bella," I smirked, layin' on my thick, lazy drawl. I tasted the atmosphere. I felt the heat of her temper and her flare of irritation. Bingo." I could stay with you if you'd like or….I could get you a night light. Who do you prefer; Winnie the Pooh or Tinker Bell?" I'd take pissed off woman over terrified girl every time.

"Speaking of Tinker Bell, Jazzy," she chirped in an extremely high pitched tone. Sounding like an old blade sharpening on a wet stone. Returning to a pitch that didn't have me wanting to dig out my ear drums with every syllable squeaked, she continued. " You remind me of a guy, you know without the balls. I'm assuming they're still in your wife's purse along with all the other 'family jewels'." That stung the pride a bit, but my smirk stayed firmly in place. Truthfully, I didn't care what she said. To see the spark in her eye when she got fired up, I'd take the quick lashing of her tongue. Hell, I looked forward to instigating her every chance I could get."- Jasper Whitlock and Bella Swan-The Quiet Room by givemesomevamp (/s/5899400/14)

"Still wearing her pristine lab coat, the woman moved forward. "Hello, Isabella. I'm Dr. Seamen, but you can call me Linda."

You've got to be shitting me!

Isabella, don't you dare-

"Come again?" I asked as innocently as I could manage. Since my throat was dry and my raspy voice trembled like the rest of my body, I might have pulled it off.

I struggled to not laugh at my juvenile joke but the vamp guys who had just been observing busted up in loud, hooting laughter.

Charlotte even offered up a raised eyebrow and small chuckle before covering her mouth with her hand. Dr. Jizz, on the other hand, didn't seem amused."- Linda Seamen and Bella Swan- The Quiet Room by givemesomevamp (/s/5899400/15)

"I hope she's not fetching snacks for the vamps.

Cue icky shiver.
But I guess they do have to eat someone…

Hey. I judge not. But that doesn't mean I want to get to know breakfast." - Bella Swan and her inner voice -The Quiet Room by givemesomevamp (/s/5899400/15)

""594," Red blurted out like that should mean something.

"Minutes left on your cell phone plan? Eighth grade locker combination? Mine was 666. I liked the expression on the rent-a-cops faces on locker search days."

"No, my little honey dew, it's the answer to your question from earlier." A smile began to creep on my face because I thought I knew where he was going here, but he couldn't know that, right?

"'How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?' The world may not know but I sure as hell do; 594. Even precise strokes with the same amount of pressure and moisture applied with each flicker of my tongue. You try watchin' that little snot-nosed fucker askin' that same damned question for a couple of decades; 1,863 times to be exact. Someone had to find out.""- Peter Whitlock and Bella Swan- The Quiet Room by givemesomevamp (/s/5899400/15)

"Garrett continued swinging his legs, sighing wistfully "Little One, you need to look at the good. You should view the cup as half full."

Option c sucks big, hairy ball sac.

I told you so.

Nice. I'm busy at the moment but we'll get back to this.

"But I don't play sports." I deadpanned. He looked confused so I kept going. " Even if I did, I doubt I could fill up half a cup. What kind-of girl do you think I am?"

The hermaphrodite kind-of girl obviously."- Garrett, Bella Swan and her inner voice-The Quiet Room by givemesomevamp (/s/5899400/16)

""I could stay with you if you'd like or…. I could get you a night light. Who do you prefer; Winnie the Pooh or Tinker Bell?"

Where's my fucking Zippo?

Or those ever helpful villagers with anger management issues toting pitchforks and torches.

Fine, he wants to play.

"Speaking of Tinker Bell, Jazzy," doing my best impersonation of his shorter half. I could only hack it for a second before the throbbing in my head increased exponentially, making it not worth it. "You remind me of a guy, you know without the balls."

Burn.

Not done yet...

"I'm assuming they're still in your wife's purse along with all the other 'family jewels'."

Ohhhhhhh. Sick burn.

Now I'm done."- Jasper Whitlock, Bella Swan, and her inner voice- The Quiet Room by givemesomevamp (/s/5899400/16)

"Holding my large grouping of red balloons, I decided it was time to get to know Mrs. Red, "Tell me the truth, Char. I judge not. You married the first vamp to slip you some tongue, didn't you?"

She smirked, parking her ass next to mine on my step, as Peter continued on into the cabin leaving a trail of howling laughter echoing behind him." - Bella Swan-The Quiet Room by givemesomevamp (/s/5899400/16)

""Vampires have laws?" He didn't seem to appreciate my hysterical laughter that followed, but I really couldn't help it.

Take a moment to picture this: Jas running through the forest at vamp speed with his hands on his imaginary steering wheel, just cruising along, humming something hick; then, all of a sudden, a poor imitation of a siren sounds and he looks back to see that a vamp (strongly resembling one of the village people) who happens to be straddling his own invisible moped, is right on his ass, asking him to pull over.

I wouldn't pull over either for that dude.

As Peter's laughter rang out from somewhere in the back of this rustic little heaven, I felt fully validated for my snorts and giggles; however, adding the pointing and barely coherent mention of the Village People may have been over doing it a bit." - Bella Swan- The Quiet Room by givemesomevamp (/s/5899400/17)

"Lady, you're tryin' to sell me a bull with teats and I ain't buying it. I've heard that argument before. I left once under the banner of 'for her protection' and I'm not the kind-of man to make the same mistake twice."- Jasper Whitlock- The Quiet Room by givemesomevamp (/s/5899400/17)

"But as I got closer, the Major's head snapped in my direction glaring at me with his pitch black orbs while sinking slowly into his crouch. His lips turned up in a cruel smile as his growl turned heated.

"Damn it, Major. I think you just like to see me on my knees." I responded lightly as I did, in fact, return to my knees with my head bowed because, damn, I like my sweet fuckin' life and I'd like to be able to go on living it." -Peter Whitlock- The Quiet Room by givemesomevamp (/s/5899400/18)

Okay, I think I'm done for now...

"I gave her a flat stare. "Dad pretended to be a police officer and told him that all the dogs in town were infected with rabies and that he should go home, lock all doors and windows and wait for the all clear. Dale sat alone in his house with a baseball bat for four hours before his parents came home. Jesse and Lee spent the entire time wandering around his house growling and snarling and scratching at the door. How was that not drastic?""(http://www.fanfiction.ws/s/6063566/14/Fallen)

Mrs. Jones: ''The gondola from underneath the balloon fell on her as she was trying to escape. She was crushed''

Alex Rider: ''I'd have been disappointed too,'' (Alex Rider: Scorpia by Anthony Horowitz)

"Undetermined?" Eagle said in disbelief. "So you don't know if he's aiming to kill or aiming to capture or, hell, just sit down over tea and biscuits and have a little chat?"

"It's unlikely to be the third one," Fox said dryly. "We can rule that one out."

"Yes," Alex agreed. "He drinks coffee not tea." They looked at him, not quite sure if he was joking. Alex shrugged. (The Cunning Hand by Silver Queen: http://www.fanfiction.ws/s/4008433/3/)

"Harry I'm a gay werewolf who's been in love with your stupid godfather for over sixteen years. Have a nice day," and with that he stalked out of the apartment banging the door and leaving a gaping twelve-year-old behind." (Remus Lupin, http://www.fanfiction.ws/s/7434492/6/Overdue_Protection)

"Like the fire." Sirius blinked, before remembering Pomphrey's words. Riddles, huh? He couldn't help the small smirk that emerged after a moment's consideration. Like hell. But Regulus was already moving on. "Damn," he cursed weakly. "When'd you get a guard dog?" The smirk faded as Sirius' spine instead began to prickle with paranoia.

"Guard dog?" Regulus' eyes flickered, but as if feeling his brother's intensity, continued.

"Snapped at me, pup with big teeth," his voice started to peter out. "Jumped first just 'cuz wished you mon-grel," his voice hitched on the last word, then a sudden half-bitter flash of teeth, "no ped-igree." His eyes fluttered shut again, but Sirius was past noticing, past awareness of anything outside his own head. (Regulus and Sirius Black, http://www.fanfiction.ws/s/1513042/16/Hold_Me_While_Im_Here)

"You just crash and burned." James scowled, but Harry could only re-play the last minute over again. "And I mean crash, and burned," his voice became reverent. "I've never seen someone do that badly. And that fast!"

"Oh shut up."

"I mean really, you just-" He was in awe. How on earth had James gotten past this?" Harry and James Potter, http://www.fanfiction.ws/s/1513042/22/Hold_Me_While_Im_Here)

"I want to be a shinobi that is not too strong or too weak, the rest is just too troublesome" Shikamaru said without looking away from the clouds.

"So you want to be mediocre?"

"I guess so."

"Wow, I didn't know you were suicidal, you never know I guess."

Shikamaru's head snapped to Naruto so fast it looked like it hurt. "What do you mean by that?"

"Well, Jiji once told me that any shinobi that didn't do their best and keep getting stronger was doomed to die young" Naruto said, never knowing that his words would change Shikamaru forever, even if it was only a bit. (Naruto and Shikamaru, http://www.fanfiction.ws/s/7899585/4/A-Father-s-Gift)

"I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I only lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three."

If I could punch you without getting in trouble, believe me, i would (I feel like that all the time)

'Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you keep on talking.'

Dashing through the snow/Running for our lives/Over the ridge we go/Avoiding thrown knives/Shots from rifles sound/It's all rather tense/I didn't mean to scare that hound/And now we're on defense!/BOTH:Oh, jingle bells, shotgun shells/Echo through the night/We're chased by German rebels/Please save us from our plight/Oh, jingle bells, shotgun shells/Echo through the night/We're chased by German rebels/Please save us from our plight!/YASSEN: A day or two ago/Blunt gave us a mission/We had to overthrow/An evil politician/All was going well/Finished and unhurt/But then John went and tripped and fell/And made the hounds alert!/BOTH:Oh, jingle bells, shotgun shells/Echo through the night/We're chased by German rebels/Please save us from our plight!/Oh, jingle bells, shotgun shells/Echo through the night/We're chased by German rebels/Please save us from our plight!(Alan_Blunts_Big_Book_of_MI6_Christmas_Carols)

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends grab those knives and stab those bastards back for you.

God created man before woman because every masterpiece needs a rough draft.

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives.

"F.I.N.A.L.S. (Fuck! I Never Actually Learned this Shit!)" unknown (but so true)

Between a lawyer and a doctor:

Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
A: "No."
Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
A: "No."
Q: "Did you check for breathing?"
A: "No."
Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?"
A: "No."
Q: "How can you be so sure, doctor?"
A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Q: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
A: "It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Getting laid

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death..

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I spotted the reset lever on the far wall and spat out a curse for whoever designed this place. "Who looked at the blue prints and said 'Oh! We'll put the lifesaving reset lever on the far wall with some big ass fans in front of it! That's a fantastic use of my degree!' Fuck them," I grumbled under my breath.

-Dahlia, /s/8402144/6 by CompanyPolicy

Even if her book reports were a bit...short and somewhat quirky.

Frankenstein- "Man creates life. Creation takes revenge when man decides he made a mistake. Creation stalks man until death after killing the man's wife. Still makes little sense."

Wolfman- "Man gets bitten and is given communicable PMS. Decides to spread the misery. Gets killed by angry townsfolk." -Supernatural Drabbles chapter 41, sakurademonalchemist

...that she learned the only unfair advantage was the one you didn't have. -A Deal Made in Good Faith, sakurademonalchemist

"Like there's a difference between brutality and police brutality?" she shot back. -A Deal Made in Good Faith, sakurademonalchemist

"Now as any real Auror will tell you, the only time it's cheating is when you're not the one doing it..." -A Deal Made in Good Faith, sakurademonalchemist

"Whoa, easy. But seriously, Pad, lay off the tequila and Firewhisky. I swear, one lit match in foot away from you, and you would be a nicely charred corpse." Remus berated him, wrinkling his nose with disgust. -Fire and Ice, Eirenei

Thud!*

Harry looked dispassionately at the unconscious form of the DADA sacri...er, teacher for the year. -Forgotten Familigia, sakurademonalchemist

"Yep, we used to play 'hide and seek' in the coffins, and the quickest way to check if someone was in one, was to knock on the side and see what it sounded like. The coffin vibrates more if it's empty, since it's lighter, and not weighed down by anything." Chene said, smiling. Madam Red paled slightly.

"Her parent's actually let you play in coffins!?" Madam Red asked, shocked.

"Well, they didn't mind... at first... as long, as we didn't get the inside of them dirty, they didn't really care, but then... One time, Lacey fell asleep in one, and Gary, their part-time worker at the time, grabbed the wrong coffin. Since it was a closed casket funeral, no one realized the mistake--until they started lowering the coffin into the grave, and Lacey suddenly threw the lid open, all energetic and refreshed from her nap. You can imagine how disturbed the poor mourners were, to not only see someone 'come back from the dead,' but they also had no idea what had happened to 'Grampa Owen' until the whole mess was sorted out." Chene explained. They all stared at her.

"Your friend must've been frightened..." Madam Red said sympathetically. Chene looked slightly surprised at this, and shook her head.

"Oh, no! On the contrary, Lacey liked the coffin so much, that she convinced her parents to let her keep it as her bed, in exchange for us never setting foot in the other coffins again. It made sleep-overs at her house really interesting." Chene said, smiling reassuringly. That didn't reassure them at all. -That Butler, New Face; weezerz2490

"Well... funny you should ask that, because I actually -- Son of a Buick!" Pomona yelled as she glanced up ahead of them. There was Grandma Willow, waiting for them on their porch... and glaring sternly at Pomona, as they pulled up into their driveway.

"Speak of the devil, and he shall appear..." Cpt. LeBeau said, sweat dropping. Chene and Ciel glanced at Sebastian. He smirked like a Cheshire cat at them in response. -That Butler, New Face; weezerz2490

"...Let me get this straight..." Lacey said, staring at Chene as she watched her friend flip through the boys shorts, looking for Ciel's approximate size. She figured she wouldn't need to get Ciel pajamas, since he hadn't actually had a chance to change out of his pajamas before they were spirited away by the armoire. "...You only let your mom think that you and Sebastian were an item because you don't want her to know that the real reason why you can't stay with us is because Sebastian is a demon, and he basically made you immortal, in order to keep you from dying, but in return you have to drink his blood, or you'll turn into a homicidal maniac...?" Lacey said, raising an eyebrow at Chene. "You really outdid yourself this time, didn't you? What are you going to do next, ascend to godhood?" Chene sweat dropped.

"Don't jinx me, please. With the way my life's been going, anything is possible..." Chene said, smiling wryly. "Besides, can you imagine me as a goddess? I mean 5'2'' of weirdness isn't even a good supermodel material, let alone good goddess material." -That Butler, New Face; weezerz2490

To the memory of

Sebastian Michaelis

Died March 1889

May you be in heaven an hour before the devil knows you're dead

-A Black Butler (Kuroshitsuji) Fanfiction: Phantomhive meets Croft, CroftButler21

"Naturally," my demon rejoined smoothly. He paused. "How will you...awaken...Wonderland?"

"Why, with a faery rhyme, of course," I replied, a wicked smirk growing on my face at Sebastian's visable discomfort.

He swallowed. Demons really didn't like faery magic. "Of course," he repeated with trepidation.

I stood fluidly in front of the couch I had been sitting on, closing my green eyes. I exhaled slowly and softly began to chant a melodic poem:

One morn among the waving blooms

The oddest sights I had espied;

An evening in my sitting-room,

From there I crossed the mind's divide.

Journeys I took through Wonderland

I gyred and gimbled in the wabe;

My mind was made like shifting sand,

And whimsy thoughts outgrabe.

I fell, I crossed, I tumbled down

Into a land all turvy-round;

I searched and looked but could not find

A sense of sense in any mind.

Logic broke and light, it fled

With uffish thought left in its stead;

I frickered and whisughed through that world,

Dancing with maddened sense I twirled.

Lost was I there in that place,

Until I saw a friendlier face:

A lonesome grin hung like the moon

Was joined by feline body soon.

A Cheshire grin gave mad advice,

Words tumbling o'er themselves like dice;

All mimsy was he, that forshiffing Cat

As on a high bough he smiled and sat.

The babe, it did become a pig

Though Cat mistook my word for fig;

A Card of games, croqueting Heart-

Did the Knave truly steal her precious tart?

The Queen of Hearts did wish me dead

A roaring cry: "Off with her head!"

Fruminous cards flew all around

And myself asleep I confusedly found.

The Looking-Glass House is a curious place:

The clock has an old man's smiling face;

Chess-pieces wander all 'round in ash-

Two-by-two on the hearth they dash.

A game of chess, White Pawn to play,

Take Lily's place just for today;

Second to Fourth, and then through to Sixth,

Tweedles Dee and Dum are full of tricks.

Humpty Dumpty fell off a wall,

Looking-Glass cake served backwards to all!

Unicorn and Lion were drummed out of town,

Goodbye White Knight; hello golden crown.

Red Queen and White Queen sound asleep,

Examinations ends in a snoring heap;

"Can't serve a dish after introductions with it,"

And then the whole room into chaos was lit.

Red Queen into a black kitten was shaken

And from Wonderland I did then awaken;

The dream was either Red King's or mine

But from black kitten no answers to find.

As I continued to tell my story of Wonderland I began to transform from my head down to my toes. My hair lightened, falling in blonde waves down to my mid-back. A black ribbon appeared, tying my hair back from my face with a neat little bow atop my head. My black street-clothes morphed into a blue-and-white Victorian pinafore dress.

"Journeys I took through Wonderland/I gyred and gimbled in the wabe/My mind was made like shifting sand/And whimsy thoughts outgrabe," I repeated. My eyes flew open, their vivid green changed to a bright cornflower blue. I stared blankly at nothing for a moment as if in a trance, and then I jumped up with a shout.

Laughing gaily, I pranced about the room. I had totally immersed myself in the Fae mind of Wonderland, and it was visible in my every movement. I called out, "Come along, Sebastian!" I smiled sweetly and joyously at him as I danced about excitedly, my blonde hair waving behind me. -Animum Antiquum, Lady Aramis

Moody took the plate with a nod of thanks but still didn't eat. Instead, he took his wand from somewhere in his robes and began casting, much to Molly's chagrin. "Oh Alastor, I wish you wouldn't be so paranoid.

Harry couldn't help himself and snigger quietly. "Give the man some leeway Mrs. Weasley," he said to her. "The man spent the better part of a year locked in a chest with a Death Eater wearing his face. I think he's entitled to a little paranoia."

His proclamation was met with silence and everyone looked at him. Suddenly, Moody exploded in boisterous laughter and dug in. "Aye lad, indeed. Well, put. In answer to your questioning Molly, Yes, the wards are stable." -Kings Never Die, AntarPrince

They all came to a stop when the back tunnel flap opened to admit a lone figure in a red and gold Quidditch uniform.

A Firebolt was slung over relatively delicate shoulders and a sucker stick hung out of soft pink lips that soon drew back in a grin as vivid green eyes landed on the faux-Harriet among the team. A small hand plucked the sucker calmly out from between soft lips, "Well..." she said lightly, "one of us is going to have to change."

"Oh thank Merlin!" the faux-Harriet as her who body began to pulsate and change. Soon Tonks was grinning down at the new figure, "Good to have you back Harriet!" - This Gonna Be Good, shinebrightnetwork

"Uh huh," she said flatly. "I might have been impressed before I actually met you."

"What?" he said. "I'm one of the Densetsu no Sannin, the sensei of the Yondaime Hokage, the Gama Sennin, and one of the most powerful shinobi currently alive."

"Wow," she said and then as he started to grin added, "The Yondaime must have been more talented than I thought to work past that handicap!" -The Vulpine Rabbit, Baron Zed

"Jiraiya, what is the state of Konoha?"

"All the civilians have been evacuated behind the Hokage Monument. The Sand forces have been pushed back outside our gates. And the Oto forces are no more," the Toad Sage answered.

"No...more?" the elderly Hokage asked stunned.

"Gone. Massacred. Wiped off the face of the world," he answered.

"B-but how?"

At this, Jiraiya grinned. "It only takes one Namikaze to destroy an army." -Complete, They-Call-Me-Savior

"Seriously?" he asked, following her to the check out counter. "You don't care that I read Icha Icha?"

"As long as you're not reading it to Naru-chan, I don't mind," she said, paying for her own book (which was surprisingly interesting for a book about flower meaning). Turning slightly she smirked at him. "Besides, you might learn something new and fun from it...ha-ha..."

Kakashi's jaw had dropped as he watched his ANBU Partner, lover and closest friend walk off.

"Did she just..." he muttered, trailing off.

He barely heard the store clerk mutter, "Lucky Bastard." as he left. -Ultranumb, Kushinada Uzumaki

Crossing his hands Naruto created a new clone. Looking at his copy he asked. "You are not weird...are you?"

"I am as weird as you are."

"...That's not comforting." -Naruto: the Golden Maelstrom, Alextwolf234

He looked in the direction the mansion had once stood, then to Naruto. Back to the Mansion and once again to Naruto.

"From one to five, being one the normal genin activated explosion tag and five being the ones the Demolition ANBU corps use. How much out of the scale where you?"

"I would say about level nine. So about four levels out of the scale?"

"Can you do greater explosions?"

"Do you like to read porn?"

Kakashi was really starting to like this guy. -Naruto: the Golden Maelstrom, Alextwolf234

"Oh? Are you so sure?"

"He's the one that changes everything. He's the big hero that saves the world, he... I know he can win this." She shook her head slowly. "He's the one everyone believes in."

"Well... he isn't the only one to believe in." Jiraiya smiled a little, leaning on the counter with his arms crossed. "It's isn't just the main character that matters in a story, you know. When the main character is trying to save the world, it isn't just because he wants the world to keep spinning on. Sometimes he might even think it doesn't deserve being saved."

"But he wouldn't-"

"Hush, I'm in the middle of a very good roll." Jiraiya waved away her scowl. "When you write a story, you aren't just making up some world that only exists for the sole purpose of spinning around the main character. There are the side characters that give the protagonist hope and encouragement. The antagonist that tries to break him and only ends up making him stronger. The background characters that spring up from the shadows, just to help him up if he stumbles. And it isn't always just one main character... it's a pretty big story, you know, considering how it encompasses every living breathing being in the world. We can't always think it's our story alone, that our choices affect only our own little sub-plot. You need to think so much bigger than that, because no one stays the main character for long. We pass that on to the side characters, to the background characters. In the end... we're all people." He tilted his head. "Provided there's a good storyteller to show the reader that." Rae stared at him for a long moment, astonished.

"...That was... extremely profound."

"Thank you! I like to think I can still weave up some good words!" Jiraiya grinned merrily. "I should put that in my next book! Did you get any of that down? I'd have to replace a lot of the 'story' parts with some more erotic suggestions..."

"Yep, and there's the super pervert." Rae rolled her eyes to the heavens, tucking away her book. "You're the weirdest guy I've ever met, you know that?"

"Ha! I take that as a compliment." The sannin pondered her. "So... Are you just going to give out on your main character, girlie? Let him save the world by himself?"

"I'm still not a main character," Rae insisted. "I'm barely a side character!"

"Well... Speaking from a side character that used to be a main character... That's a pretty influential place to be." She stared at the man, stunned. Something in his words just clicked in her mind, and she straightened with a start. -Aberration, Rin O' Gen

He'd remembered that the first order of business was to appear like civilian's who had failed the ninja academy. For some reason he was even wearing socks with his ninja sandles...ones that had frogs on them. Apparently the outfit could get worse. Kakashi and the rest of the team seven would have been very happy not knowing that. -Carapace, BetweenTheSeaAndStars

Whatever worked.

Seriously that was going to become the team motto.. -Carapace, BetweenTheSeaAndStars

"Hmm..since these ones aren't destroyed or covered in potentially lethal allies of our un-cute little Kucho..."

"Hmph." Her arms may be crossed and she may have a pout but the team had sort of just made it an endearment all it's own at this stage. -Carapace, BetweenTheSeaAndStars

"No one touches or annoys Squirmy. I fear what my uncute little Kucho-chan would do to the perpetrator otherwise, and I would not hesitate to give a name out in order to save myself from horrific nightmares and perpetual infestations. Or the spiders." Kakashi snorted then and Anko started bawling in laughter hearing Kakashi's continued complaining.

"Calls them adorable. And the boys are no help bringing her anything they find. Creepy little uncute students of mine." No one knew he had a fond smile under the mask. -Carapace, BetweenTheSeaAndStars

The next morning found him at the training grounds with Ino, both of them losing to Naruto at a game of poker. "Okay, how are you drawing a straight flush every other hand?" Sirius demanded, annoyed. "I'm even stacking the deck!"

"Wha-hey!" Naruto gave him an offended look. "Teme! You're cheating?"

Sirius just shot him a glare. "Your luck is so ridiculously good, that it's overriding my cheating." He grumbled, "That's beyond

Her eyes were puffy, her nose was red, there were still tear tracks on her cheeks, and she fairly glowed with happiness.

She was, quite possibly, one of the most endearing women he'd ever seen.

(And not just because of the Sky flames pouring off of her.)

His glee must've shown on his face because the next thing he knew, Skull had narrowed his eyes and pointed an accusing finger at Reborn's torso.

"Don't even think about flirting with my mother."

"Too late." -How We Met Your Mother, DeliriumDescending

"...On a side note, he originally wanted to name the Rasengan the 'Flash Dancing Howling Spiralling Sphere of the Moon' or some such nonsense." -Legacy of the Namikaze, Xander-San

"Not my problem, I'm just a civilian, and I'm hardly about to get into a fight with him. Besides, what's wrong with elite ninja of Konoha having strong techniques? I don't hear anyone complaining about the Hyuuga being probably able to see through everyone's clothes. Gai's sunset doesn't hurt any comrades, so I don't see a problem."

Masaru gaped at her.

"W-what?!"

Hikari blinked at him. "What, 'what'?"

"The Hyuuga can see through clothing!?" Masaru seemed gobsmacked. Hikari wasn't sure whether to be concerned or amused.

"Well obviously. If they can spot a missing nin on a dark night through trees and mist from a kilometre away, why would a few millimetres of cloth stop them?"

"Yes, but most people once they clue in are polite enough to pretend that they don't know." -Cleaning no Jutsu, Erisah Mae

"You Sorayamas might be a civilian clan, but you aren't soft, are you?" she asked, mostly rhetorically.

Masaru answered her anyway. "We might be a clan of civilians, but we're a clan of civilians who decided to set-up shop in a Hidden Village, back when it was just being formed. We didn't come her for the protection, we came her for the business. Something you shinobi clans seem to miss about the Old Civilian Families," Mimi could hear the capitals in that phrase, "is that we didn't get where we were by being nice. In fact, it's only in the last two generations that the Sorayamas have stopped hiring ninja to kill off business rivals." -Cleaning no Jutsu, Erisah Mae

"Anyone who hurts Hikari, or any other member of my family is going to learn the Sorayama family's unofficial motto."

Mimi didn't bother to resist making the obvious response to that. "So what is the unofficial motto of the Sorayamas then?"

"'Beware the fury of the patient.' Or," he grinned, "as Hikari explained to me when I was six, 'Run from a bully when he's awake, then cover him in maggots while he's sleeping'." -Cleaning no Jutsu, Erisah Mae

Reborn did nothing to supress the sadistically vindictive grin spreading over his face. A random pedestrian walking in their direction flinched at seeing his expression, quickly crossing the road to hurriedly walk past them on the other side of the street.

Good Instincts, Reborn thought magnanimously. -Igneous, apathyinreverie

"So, a boarding school. Sounds incredibly boring. Or incredibly fun, of the not so innocent sort."

Harry paused confused, before he flushed. "We start at eleven years old!"

"Hm, right before puberty hits then." Reborn agreed lazily.

Harry sputtered. And Reborn smirked while watching his adorably flustered Sky trying to regain his composure. -Igneous, apathyinreverie

So, he offered his hand, introducing himself honestly. "Reborn. The World's Greatest Hitman. Strongest Sun Flame user in existence, tutor from hell and unaffiliated member of the mafia."

The relief on his Sky's face at the introduction was immediate.

Harry reached for Reborn's hand while he briefly considered the introduction. Well, there was really only one way to answer that declaration. "Harry. The-Man-Who-Conquered. Savior of the Wizarding World, run-off-the-mill storybook hero and all-around good guy. Just ask anyone." -Igneous, apathyinreverie

And by Merlin, the man was gorgeous.

Ok. Stop. This really wasn't the time to start contemplating his sexuality... Even if that was definitely the right face to start contemplating for. -Igneous, apathyinreverie

"Yes, I'm sure there is no mutant zombie invasion. No, I'm sure you don't have to be worried about your brain being eaten."

'I'm sure any zombie choosing to eat at that particular establishment would find themselves going hungry,' thought Iruka. - The Art and Science, JustAnotherDude

... but before yesterday, he'd also known that the largest any spider could grow was to about the size of a small plate. Having seen that fact of life proven horribly, terrifyingly wrong he was not prepared to take anything for granted just yet. -Uzumaki Naruto, Sorceror for hire; Chibi-Reaper

It's only crazy if it fails. If it works, it's genius. -Chiaroscuro, boomvroomshroom

There was a very special hell reserved for people who wrote in alternating caps lock, and Kakashi had just bought himself a one-way ticket there. -Chiaroscuro, boomvroomshroom

"Did he actually plan that or was it just an accident?" Naruto whispered.

"I wouldn't be surprised if Chaos was a physical entity strapped to the bottom of his sandals," said Ino, giggling.- Chiaroscuro, boomvroomshroom

If he does, tell him to remember Secret Ninja Rule Number Zero.

- A Friend

"What's Secret Ninja Rule Number Zero?" asked Chojiro.

Ao growled, "It's an old saying they used to have in Kiri, back in the days before the Second Ninja War. It goes:

"Don't fuck with the Uzumaki." -Common Sense, Stone Elbow

Kakashi laughed this time, "You underestimate the sheer power of Minato-sensei's seals. I remember him showing me one of his prototype seals; it was a home defense seal which dropped a thief or whatever into a sort of pocket dimension where they could hear nothing but the song that never ends until Minato came along to get them out."

Aiko sweat-dropped, "And this is the man we put in charge of the village?" -The Rinnegan Maelstrom, Leonineus

"To quote the old man's very unyouthful, but occasionally correct son; 'It's almost impossible to help someone by blowing smoke up their ass.'" -Glaring Problems, dogbertcarroll

'Log Thrown Accurately!'

Sakura: Tell me, do you think that you might perhaps be running out of ideas? -Vulpine, Saphroneth

Tenten: "Everything including the kitchen sink attack!"

Tenten hits her victim with a large number of appliances, finishing with a kitchen sink, coming from one of her weapon scrolls*

Kiba: "Not that I'm complaining or anything, but... why?"

Tenten: "Comedy value. I filled it last month when we had to demolish a house." -Vulpine, Saphroneth

"I was the one revived first, Bee. Sorry for my long absence, sir. There was a death in the family."

"Whose?" A asked.

"Mine."

"I know it's your family! But-"

"No, sir. I died. I was brought back just yesterday and my bijuu resealed into me by some Konoha ninja." -Vulpine, Saphroneth

"Yeah, for someone who sees the sound barrier as something to dodge on the way past it..." Sakura muttered. - Vulpine, Saphroneth

"Message has changed for me now. About how to become in tune with the world one has to not kill their heart. And something about 'child of prophecy'."

Sasuke turned to his two teammates. "Naruto if you turn out to be the messiah... I will be very annoyed.

"So will I!" Naruto replied. "Part of the job description is generally martyrdom." -Vulpine, Saphroneth

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "You have a point. Where did you get it from?"

Naruto took his attention off the rabbit. "Eh?"

"What you say is pointless. Therefore, if you have a point, you took it from somewhere."

"Did you actually make a joke? Seriously, I can't tell..." -Vulpine, Saphroneth

"I know you're not really one to surrender or quit in the middle of fights or anything like that, but if you're ever stuck on an isolated rock in the middle of a raging fire and you don't have a way out of it and surrendering is an option you'd better do it or I'll drag you back from hell and somehow to smack the stupid out of you." -Better Left Unsaid, Kenchi618

Patience is a virtue, speed is a blessing. -Better Left Unsaid, Kenchi618

"Come on, you can't be that surprised," Kiba said. "You were there. That thing where you fought a Jinchuriki? Ring any bells?"

"Gaara is the Kazekage now," I blurted out, unthinkingly, because Tsunade had just told me and the fact was right at the tip of my tongue.

It was a mistake.

Sasuke very calmly put his head down on the table.

Kiba started laughing so hard he wheezed. -DoS SilverQueen

I woke groggy and smothered in dogs.

That… wasn't right.

I cracked my eyes open and squinted. "Pakkun, why dog?" I asked plaintively.

The pug put a tiny paw on my cheek. "Boss thought you might get into trouble," he said in his gravel voice. "Can't imagine why. He asked us to keep an eye out."

That made sense. It explained the heavy weight across my feet. And the ones beside me. The bed was crowded. Except. "That's not a dog."

Pakkun sighed. "He asked that weird friend of his to leave a summons, too."

"Gai-sensei is a turtle," I agreed knowledgably, and went back to sleep. -DoS SilverQueen

"Lightning Style," I shouted, because volume meant something, "Super Beam Cannon."

I flicked the sword on, blade pointing straight at him.

By this point, there was no disbelief. Gaara didn't have the momentary pause of 'does she mean it'. Didn't stop to consider.

Which was good. Because I was so full of shit. -DoS SilverQueen

Jiraiya: You kids do seem to land yourselves right in the middle of some serious messes.

Kakashi: You don't know half of it. I've been gone for a week and come back to find they've done an A-rank without me.

Sasuke: (smirking) Three. Technically, we did three A-ranks without you.

(Kakashi stares)

Sasuke: One of them started about… half an hour after you left.

Kakashi: Stop talking. Just... stop. -DoS SilverQueen

Kiba: With your hair.

Shikako: (thinks "Oh no") Everyone is already here you dont need to mention it ever again.

Kiba: Oh no. This is never, ever being forgotten.

Shikako: It worked.

Kiba: And that's why its amazing, and why Im going to tell this story for the rest of your life. Also did you know Hana once ripped out a guy's throat with her teeth?

Shikako: That's impressive. -DoS SilverQueen

Sasuke: (irritated & exasperated) "Shikako! You can't just stand around and have a conversation while your arm bone is sticking out! You have to say something!"

Shikako: "It's called a humerus. But I don't suppose it's that funny." -Dreaming of Sunshine SilverQueen

Tsunade: *groan* You three are like Lucky Sevens. When you turn up, I just know things are about to go to hell. -Dreaming of Sunshine SilverQueen

"Do you think you made enough exploding notes?" Kakashi-sensei asked seriously. "You might only be able to level a very small country." -Dreaming of Sunshine by SilverQueen

"You know, there's a saying in Suna about giving a seal master time to prepare. It goes a little like: Don't" - Kankuro, https:///works/4886920

"Check this out: "Got bit, fever hit, world gone to shit, might as well quit."" Sam snorted. "Now if that ain't the best suicide note I've ever seen." (s/7557692/1/)

"You say that I'm a demon

That I've done such horrid acts

But what I've done I could not say

So let's look at the facts

You say that I'm a demon

As you fix me with a glare

But I have never done you wrong

And I don't think that's fair

You say that I'm a demon

As you treat me like nothing more

And so I find myself a demon

Though I wasn't one before

You say that I'm a demon

And now I say to you

If it be a demon that you wish me

I'm a demon it is true

So you say that I'm a demon

And a demon I may be

But they say "it takes a village"

So maybe now you see

That you say that I'm a demon

That I'm evil through and through

But it's you who made me what I am

So what does that make you?"

The Wrath of a Woman Scorned Chapter 4 By EDelta88

"I was going to say I wish a terribly painful death on you, but that just isn't good enough. Instead, I wish that, from now on, every table you ever sit at has uneven legs."

I heard the Doctor snort a little and Jackie, who I wasn't sure if was still going by Rose or not at this point, chided me as she walked out of Yvonne's office. "That's a terrible thing to wish on people. You'd never have a proper sit down ever again.

-Be Home By Midnight, JadedNightingale2308

"Calm down," he said. "They won't actually shoot."

"Easy for you to say," I replied. "You can come back to life." -Through The Eyes, KJ's-The-Name

..., his own father had been deft with his hands. Ianto remembered well how he had explained to his children about the Prestige Act.

"First comes the pledge." Ifan said softly as both little sets of eyes bored into him, "You let the audience see that you are not tricking them. You are just another normal lube. Then, comes the turn. You do something surprising like the bird you are showing them sitting innocently on you hand suddenly disappears!"

"But there never was a bird" Ianto interrupted his Da from his Mama's lap, "You magiced it on your hand!"

"Exactly little Yan" his father smiled, "Magic. They now see that you are capable of it and they all believe that is the truck. The turn was your grand thing. They will clap, gasp and shake their heads as they try to figure out what you did."

"The third part?" Rhiannon asked eagerly, as enthralled as her little brother as he sat at their Da's feet.

"Ah! The Prestige." He grinned, "What do you think I do for the prestige?"

"You bring the bird back!" she declared happily and Ianto silently watched. That was not the third part. It was more wonderful and unbelievable than that.

"Yan?" his father turned to him with a raised eyebrow "What do you think the Prestige is?"

Saxon swing with a roar to confront the young man who had done this but found an empty space where he had been.

"Where is he?" he demanded, spluttering with rage as the soldiers all looked around with confusion.

The footage played on a loop as Saxon sat watching the screen, his face so close that his nose was touching it.

The young man seemed to ...shimmer. His black suit with the pale silver pinstripes seemed to undulate and then...

A small black raven flew up towards the camera and momentary blocked the screen off in black before it shot off down the corridor, Saxon still unaware that he had just been played talking to the young woman in the background.

He sat back and blinked.

Well.

How about that for a trick.

.26.

"Da?" Rhiannon asked, "The Prestage? Is that it? You bring the bird back?"

Ifan looked at his little boy and knew as something shifted behind the pup's eyes that he was more magical than first thought and might one day be more powerful than him.

"Yan?" he said softly. "Do you know what the Prestige is?"

"Yes Da" he nodded as he leaned back against this mother, "You become the bird."

-Dog Days, Awatere11

"Why Cariad, I just realised who the wizard is!" Ianto spun with glee, "Hiding behind a curtain, twiddling knobs and flipping switches while pretending he's a god, not just a mad man in a box!"

Jack stopped walking as he and Ianto stared openly at one another, then both burst into peals of laughter as Tosh and Gwen shrugged at one another.

-Dog Days, Awatere11

"I think that if you grew it out, I mean properly grew it out, you'd frighten a few of the Vongola's historians into thinking that Ricardo had come back to life," Harry replied easily. "You look more and more like the man every time you come to visit me."

"Well I'm not fucking him," Xanxus denied.

"I'd hope not. He's been dead for some time, and I didn't take you for a necrophiliac."

"Shut up, Trash!" Xanxus snapped, an indignant blush rising in his cheeks. "That's not what I fucking meant and you fucking know it!" -Barber of the Vongola, fringeperson

"Several counts of interfering with history?" Jack arched an eyebrow

"Well, we did cause the San Francisco earthquake of '89 didn't we? Remember, 'I don't like hearing "whoops" muttered by doctors, lawyers and people holding power tools or alien devices'" -Wild Endeavour, LadyAnalyn

"...I trust and love, Jack. I don't trust nor love any of his exes." -Ianto Jones or Harry Potter?, Hope Night

"Who are you now? the stranger asked.

"Captain Jack Harkness, note the stripes"

"Captain John Hart, note the sarcasm."

"Hey! I worked my way up the ranks."

"I bet the ranks are very grateful."

Ianto smirked and rolled his eyes. -Ianto Jones or Harry Potter?, Hope Night

Amelia turned from closing her safe and looked at her boss, "We're still trying to figure out everything. When I do, you'll be the second person to know."

"Hem, Hem, don't you mean the first person?" a sweet annoying voice asked.

"No, Deloris, I mean the second. The first person to know will be me. Now, if you two don't mind, I have work to do," Amelia replied. -Oh Hell No!, monbade

"How close do you think Arc is to evolving?" May asked, suddenly.

"...you know, I'm not sure how I'd tell," Max admitted. "He's been near Ash, does that count?"

"Probably..." - Ashes of the Past, Saphroneth

"What my brother said," the Suicune went on, "was that it was a good thing that we didn't end up on the wrong side of the sea. Or we'd be sunk."

Some of the kids laughed, but most of the rest just groaned. -Ashes of the Past, Saphroneth

"Besides, what self-respecting mind control artist would implant a memory of himself in a Moltres wingsuit?" Moltres added.

"..that is a sentence I did not realize I was going to hear," Dustox said faintly. -Ashes of the Past, Saphroneth

Nicholas had never been the most diplomatic of people he was charismatic no doubt but he put little stock in formality because as he once put it to Albus: it's not the man that bows to the king you watch, it's the man that get's the king to rise and greet him. -A Gift, Hellfire17

"All right, Ladies and Owen! I'll be out for another hour or so. I trust you all not to blow our secret base to smithereens while I'm gone?"

Owen snapped his fingers. "Darn! And here was me hoping to play with Nitro Glycerin." -Shades of Grey, Tenshi-Chan

Jack parked the SUV with his usual reckless abandon, and it was only due to years of practice that Ianto didn't grab onto the stabilization handle - or the 'Jesus Fucking Christ, Harkness!' handle, as Owen was fond of calling it - to keep from having the seatbelt choke him to death as he was thrown forward. -Dragon-Verse:Series One, milady dragon

"As pleasant as it is to think of the end of a line of madness, I wouldn't place any bets on it. There's always at least one idiot out there that's willing to marry a Monkey."

Leagues away and utterly unaware of the insult directed to him, Portgas D. Ace abruptly sneezed. -Keep Calm and Start Grinding, Madrigal-in-training

"Got trapped. Could've kept fighting if I cut my feet off." Tha- That's-

"That's the dumbest logic I've ever heard! Who do you think you are, the bleeding Golden Lion or something?!" -Tell it to the Marines, Tsume Yuki

"Hide and seek,

lost and found,

cloak me and mine from both air and ground.

Shadows born

and shadows mastered,

help the one

who Death won't gather.

Peveralls past

and Peveralls gone,

none may know

what this Peverall won."

-Lokison, sifshadowheart

Itachi and I stared at each other. I tilted my head with a commiserating smile. "Yes, I can guess what you think of him. He might grow on you?"

"Comparing him to fungus is a bit harsh, Maiko-san," he replied, deadpanned.

I snorted and hid the bottom of my face to stiffle my laughter.

Itachi had a dry sense of humor. I loved it!

-The Yondaime's Assistant, DianaMoth

Really, Kakashi should have known better than to renege on his side of the deal - because that meant she was no longer bound to uphold her part of the bargin. She would still be taking all due care, obviously, but she wouldn't necessarily be asking explicitly to go off and see Sasuke and her sensei. And what reason would her mother have to stop her from going out to 'visit friends?' Also, a lifetime ago, her then Grandfather had told her the beauty of the Common Law system: that which is not explicitly forbidden, is implicitly approved. He then followed that up with: it's only illegal to be caught breaking the law. That was practically the title of the Ninja Handbook - Nara Edition. -Soulbound to Sunshine,

"Alright, viewers, that's my cue to call it a day. So, until next time, this is Soundbite-"

“And Jeremiah Cro-- WAIT, WHAT?”

"-Of the SBS, signing off," I continued without missing a beat, hanging up the transceiver in its cradle. That done, I shot a grin at a reluctantly smirking Soundbite before punching the key in my desk that connected to the deck. -This Bites!, Xomniac

An anonymous caller asks if it was Tempting Fate to say his parents would never figure out that he switched his father's hair gel and mother's hair dye. Cross's reaction sums it up perfectly.

Cross: There's a difference between Tempting Fate and running up to fate, punching him in the nose, and yelling 'Come have a go if you think you're hard enough!' You get three guesses which category that falls into, and the first two don't count. -This Bites! by Xomniac, TV Tropes page

xxxx

"Wha- seriously!?" Cross spat. "How does a raccoon get the ability to cause seizures!?"

"When a stripe-rat AND A STROBE LIGHT LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH! NOW RUN FOR IT!" -This Bites, Xomniac

xxxxx

"Naruto." She looked back at Whitebeard. "Thank you for my first granddaughter."

Switching her hold on Hikaze onto one arm, she flapped the other, "I'm sure this isn't your first. With so many sons it's impossible for some of them to not have a whoops baby sommmrggh--!" The rest of her words were cut off as Ace slapped a hand over her mouth.

He quickly ushered her off as the several crew members blanch in understanding and realization.

Seriously...do these pirates not think things through?

-Fire is Red, Blushing Green Apple

"Alcohol does not make you FAT - it makes you LEAN...against tables, chairs, floors, walls, and ugly people." -One of my Aunt's Facebook Updates that just happened to be a picture.

"There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves."

"Laughing is the best medicine, but if you're laughing for no reason you need medicine."

"Never be afraid to stand up for what you believe in. If people get angry, you can always pretend you were just standing up to stretch."

I have PMS and GPS, which means: I am a bitch and I will find you

"NASA launches probe to Uranus. People everywhere giggle."- Colin Mochrie (Whose Line is it Anyway)

"This just in: Beverly Hills-90210, Cleveland Browns-3." -Colin Mochrie (Whose Line is it Anyway)

"Disaster struck a ceiling fan convention when the scheduled entertainment, Dr. Linquini and his trampolining sheep hit the floor. According to one eye witness: 'Everything was fine until one extremely high bounce and then the sheep hit the fan.'"-Colin Mochrie (Whose Line is it Anyway)

"Sixties musical group 'The Birds' today announced a 24 city reunion tour with their new band member George W. Bush. To save on money, Mr. Bush will play guitar and drums. According to a spokesman: 'A Bush in the band is worth two in the Birds'." -Colin Mochrie (Whose Line is it Anyway)

"Convicted Hit-man, Jimmy 'Two Shoes' McCarty confessed today that he was once hired to beat a cow to death in a rice field using only two small porcelain figures. Police admit this might be the first known case of a knick-knack paddy whack." -Colin Mochrie (Whose Line is it Anyway)

"A man is still in critical condition after swallowing $250,000 in large bills, no change is expected." -Colin Mochrie (Whose Line is it Anyway)

"Disaster at the Los Angeles Zoo today when the snake pit was accidentally filled in. Said the Zoo Director: 'It's terrible, terrible news. Now the snakes don't even have a pit to hiss in.'." -Colin Mochrie (Whose Line is it Anyway)

"The Great Jamboni, eccentric human cannonball known for taking his lucky donkey to all of his performances, escaped near tragedy today when the donkey climbed into the cannon muzzle just as Jamboni was taking off. It took the surgeons three hours to remove Jamboni's head from his ass." -Colin Mochrie (Whose Line is it Anyway)

Famous playboy Hugh Heffner managed to successfully stop an order of monks from operating a business on his property. The police forced the friars to close down their stall, which was outside the playboy mansion, where they had been selling flowers. Said one friar: 'Well if it was anyone else we may have gotten away from it but unfortunately only Hugh can prevent Florist Friars.'" -Colin Mochrie (Whose Line is it Anyway)

"Rudolph the red nosed reindeer dead at 53. I know it is sad. Over Barcelona today the famed reindeer was hit by a flock of seagulls and a 747. Eye witnesses report that the reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane." -Colin Mochrie (Whose Line is it Anyway)

"Noted archeologist Fred Flinsten, made an amazing discovery today in Sweden. On a windswept Fiord he came across some primitive musical instruments plus some miniscule deposits of fossilized stool. When asked what the stool could be Flinsten replied 'A dabba Abba Doo'" -Colin Mochrie (Whose Line is it Anyway)

"Bars across America were saddened today by the death of Dr. Joseph Lowinstein. The famous doctor who as a side line would make exotic drinks from wood sap, died suddenly today. This is one patron who's really gonna miss that Hickory Daiquiri Dock." -Colin Mochrie (Whose Line is it Anyway)

"Sasuke arrived moments after Haku left.

"Did you see the person in pink that just left?" he asked.

"Yeah, she just passed me." Sasuke replied.

"Tell me, prettier than Sakura or not." he asked.

"Prettier than Sakura and Ino put together." Sasuke replied rather reluctantly.

"It's not fair!" he wailed.

"What's not fair?" Sasuke asked.

"That was a boy." he replied.

"Damn" Sasuke said." -Lucillia (Family Reunion Extended Version www.fanfiction.ws/s/6177980/3)

"See the guy up there with the tattoos and devil may care attitude? That's my sensei, and my sensei is the most psychotic one on roll, and I have a lot of anger that needs to be misplaced, unfortunately that your job for the next five minutes." -Naru Uzumaki, Power of Knowledge by DragonKnightRyu chapter 5

"If you give her a minute, she'll plan your death, give her an hour, she'll plan the death of your army, you give her half a year? She'll kill your entire goddamn country." - Ryu Hisanaga on Naru Uzumaki, Power of Knowledge by DragonKnightRyu chapter 10

"Someone once told me that procrastination is like masturbation. It's all well and good, but you wake up one day and realize that you're screwing yourself over." - Naruto Uzumaki, Cell Shift by The Emerald Ingot Chapter 2

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sasuke: (irritated & exasperated) "Shikako! You can't just stand around and have a conversation while your arm bone is sticking out! You have to say something!"

Shikako: "It's called a humerus. But I don't suppose it's that funny." -Dreaming of Sunshine SilverQueen

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kiba: With your hair.

Shikako: (thinks "Oh no") Everyone is already here you dont need to mention it ever again.

Kiba: Oh no. This is never, ever being forgotten.

Shikako: It worked.

Kiba: And that's why its amazing, and why Im going to tell this story for the rest of your life. Also did you know Hana once ripped out a guy's throat with her teeth?

Shikako: That's impressive. -DoS SilverQueen

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Do you think you made enough exploding notes?" Kakashi-sensei asked seriously. "You might only be able to level a very small country." -Dreaming of Sunshine by SilverQueen

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jiraiya: You kids do seem to land yourselves right in the middle of some serious messes.

Kakashi: You don't know half of it. I've been gone for a week and come back to find they've done an A-rank without me.

Sasuke: (smirking) Three. Technically, we did three A-ranks without you.

(Kakashi stares)

Sasuke: One of them started about… half an hour after you left.

Kakashi: Stop talking. Just... stop. -DoS SilverQueen

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Lightning Style," I shouted, because volume meant something, "Super Beam Cannon."

I flicked the sword on, blade pointing straight at him.

By this point, there was no disbelief. Gaara didn't have the momentary pause of 'does she mean it'. Didn't stop to consider.

Which was good. Because I was so full of shit. -DoS SilverQueen

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Come on, you can't be that surprised," Kiba said. "You were there. That thing where you fought a Jinchuriki? Ring any bells?"

"Gaara is the Kazekage now," I blurted out, unthinkingly, because Tsunade had just told me and the fact was right at the tip of my tongue.

It was a mistake.

Sasuke very calmly put his head down on the table.

Kiba started laughing so hard he wheezed. -DoS SilverQueen

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"I know you're not really one to surrender or quit in the middle of fights or anything like that, but if you're ever stuck on an isolated rock in the middle of a raging fire and you don't have a way out of it and surrendering is an option you'd better do it or I'll drag you back from hell and somehow to smack the stupid out of you." -Better Left Unsaid, Kenchi618

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Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "You have a point. Where did you get it from?"

Naruto took his attention off the rabbit. "Eh?"

"What you say is pointless. Therefore, if you have a point, you took it from somewhere."

"Did you actually make a joke? Seriously, I can't tell..." -Vulpine, Saphroneth

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"Message has changed for me now. About how to become in tune with the world one has to not kill their heart. And something about 'child of prophecy'."

Sasuke turned to his two teammates. "Naruto if you turn out to be the messiah... I will be very annoyed.

"So will I!" Naruto replied. "Part of the job description is generally martyrdom." -Vulpine, Saphroneth

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"I was the one revived first, Bee. Sorry for my long absence, sir. There was a death in the family."

"Whose?" A asked.

"Mine."

"I know it's your family! But-"

"No, sir. I died. I was brought back just yesterday and my bijuu resealed into me by some Konoha ninja." -Vulpine, Saphroneth

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'Log Thrown Accurately!'

Sakura: Tell me, do you think that you might perhaps be running out of ideas? -Vulpine, Saphroneth

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Kakashi laughed this time, "You underestimate the sheer power of Minato-sensei's seals. I remember him showing me one of his prototype seals; it was a home defense seal which dropped a thief or whatever into a sort of pocket dimension where they could hear nothing but the song that never ends until Minato came along to get them out."

Aiko sweat-dropped, "And this is the man we put in charge of the village?" -The Rinnegan Maelstrom, Leonineus

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If he does, tell him to remember Secret Ninja Rule Number Zero.

- A Friend

"What's Secret Ninja Rule Number Zero?" asked Chojiro.

Ao growled, "It's an old saying they used to have in Kiri, back in the days before the Second Ninja War. It goes:

"Don't fuck with the Uzumaki." -Common Sense, Stone Elbow

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"Did he actually plan that or was it just an accident?" Naruto whispered.

"I wouldn't be surprised if Chaos was a physical entity strapped to the bottom of his sandals," said Ino, giggling.- Chiaroscuro, boomvroomshroom

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There was a very special hell reserved for people who wrote in alternating caps lock, and Kakashi had just bought himself a one-way ticket there. -Chiaroscuro, boomvroomshroom

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It's only crazy if it fails. If it works, it's genius. -Chiaroscuro, boomvroomshroom

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"... but before yesterday, he'd also known that the largest any spider could grow was to about the size of a small plate. Having seen that fact of life proven horribly, terrifyingly wrong he was not prepared to take anything for granted just yet. -Uzumaki Naruto, Sorceror for hire; Chibi-Reaper

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"Yes, I'm sure there is no mutant zombie invasion. No, I'm sure you don't have to be worried about your brain being eaten."

'I'm sure any zombie choosing to eat at that particular establishment would find themselves going hungry,' thought Iruka. - The Art and Science, JustAnotherDude

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And by Merlin, the man was gorgeous.

Ok. Stop. This really wasn't the time to start contemplating his sexuality... Even if that was definitely the right face to start contemplating for. -Igneous, apathyinreverie

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"So, a boarding school. Sounds incredibly boring. Or incredibly fun, of the not so innocent sort."

Harry paused confused, before he flushed. "We start at eleven years old!"

"Hm, right before puberty hits then." Reborn agreed lazily.

Harry sputtered. And Reborn smirked while watching his adorably flustered Sky trying to regain his composure. -Igneous, apathyinreverie

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Reborn did nothing to supress the sadistically vindictive grin spreading over his face. A random pedestrian walking in their direction flinched at seeing his expression, quickly crossing the road to hurriedly walk past them on the other side of the street.

Good Instincts, Reborn thought magnanimously. -Igneous, apathyinreverie

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"...On a side note, he originally wanted to name the Rasengan the 'Flash Dancing Howling Spiralling Sphere of the Moon' or some such nonsense." -Legacy of the Namikaze, Xander-San

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Murphy's 15 Other Laws...

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

3. He, who laughs last, thinks slowest.

4. A day without sunshine is like. . . well, night.

5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 percent probability you'll get it wrong.

9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end,someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

11. The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

14. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in the dark.

15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

11 people were on a rope, under a helicopter-10 men and 1 woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because other wise they were all going to fall.They weren't able to choose that person,until the woman gave a very touching speech. she said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a women, she was used to giving up everthing for her husband and kids or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrfices with little in return. as soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping... IDIOTS! IF YOU ARE AN INTELLIGENT WOMAN/GIRL POST THIS ON YOUR PROFILE SO OTHER INTELLIGENT WOMEN HAVE SOMETHING TO SMILE ABOUT!!

COMMON SENSE: Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing

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"I'm a multi-billionaire, Harry. I say jump, they say-"

"Which cliff?" Harry asked impishly; Giovanni snorted.

"Might as well," he muttered, before leading the boy into Marks study. Where a four foot high pile of folders, papers, and packets sat. Harry stared at it, wide eyed.

(http://www.fanfiction.ws/s/4779145/48/When-a-Phoenix-Interferes by WizardsGirl)

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"And the Lord doth said, "May not-eth my ninja be slain, but in his place be his scapegoat made in thy image but for a few moments, the log." And there was much rejoicing. Amen." Prayed a devout Naruto from the side of the ring, clapping his hands together in prayer.

Amen." replied Iruka as he bowed his head.

(Yet again, with a little extra help, s/5218118/17)

"I love logs." Naruto sighed in bliss. "They're just... everywhere."

"Amen." replied all the ninja in the room. It was somewhat a fact in life that all ninjas of Konoha developed a sort of worship for logs by the time they reach chunin.

(Yet again, with a little extra help, s/5218118/15)

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"Can one of you boys point me to the Smithsonian. I'm here to pick up a fossil." -Natasha Romanov

"Ha ha, very funny." -Steve Rogers. (Captain America The Winter Soldier)

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"Is anything not broke?" Nick Fury (exasperated)

"Air conditioner, fully operational." the car replies. (Captain America The Winter Soldier)

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"Right then, I have questions but number one is this: What in the name of sanity have you got on your head?"

"It's a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezzes are cool."

(River and the Eleventh Doctor, Doctor Who)

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"Fear me, I've killed hundreds of Time Lords."

"Fear me, I've killed all of them."

(the House and the Eleventh Doctor, Doctor Who)

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"The anger of a good man is not a problem. Good men, have too many rules."

"Good men don't need rules. Today is not the day to find out why I have so many."

(Kovarian and the Eleventh Doctor, Doctor Who)

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"Hello. I'm the Doctor. Basically...run." (the Eleventh Doctor)

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“The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant.” – The Doctor

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"There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometime" — "Robot" Doctor Who

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"I was going to say I wish a terribly painful death on you, but that just isn't good enough. Instead, I wish that, from now on, every table you ever sit at has uneven legs."

I heard the Doctor snort a little and Jackie, who I wasn't sure if was still going by Rose or not at this point, chided me as she walked out of Yvonne's office. "That's a terrible thing to wish on people. You'd never have a proper sit down ever again.

-Evangeline and Jackie (Be Home By Midnight, JadedNightingale2308)

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"You say that I'm a demon
That I've done such horrid acts
But what I've done I could not say
So let's look at the facts
You say that I'm a demon
As you fix me with a glare
But I have never done you wrong
And I don't think that's fair
You say that I'm a demon
As you treat me like nothing more
And so I find myself a demon
Though I wasn't one before
You say that I'm a demon
And now I say to you
If it be a demon that you wish me
I'm a demon it is true
So you say that I'm a demon
And a demon I may be
But they say "it takes a village"
So maybe now you see
That you say that I'm a demon
That I'm evil through and through
But it's you who made me what I am
So what does that make you?"
The Wrath of a Woman Scorned Chapter 4 By EDelta88

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"Check this out: "Got bit, fever hit, world gone to shit, might as well quit."" Sam snorted. "Now if that ain't the best suicide note I've ever seen." (s/7557692/1/The-Walking-Supernatural-A-SPNWD-Crossover)

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Funny Quotes from T-shirts

DO NOT READ THE NEXT SENTENCE.

You little rebel. I like you

XX

If life gives you MELONS you may be dyslexic.

XX

I before E except after C. Weird.

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Fear of Spiders: Arachnophobia. Fear of small spaces: Claustrophobia. Fear of clowns: NORMAL.

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If you can't be a good example, be a warning.

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It's Thorsday. Let's get hammered.

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You know that little thing in your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn't? Yeah, I don't have one of those.

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I am currently unsupervised. I know, it freaks me out too. But the possibilities are endless.

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I'm trying to give up [SEXUAL INNUENDOS] But it's hard...so HARD.

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If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.

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Mount and

Do Me.

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Spooning may lead to forking.

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I shook my family tree and a bunch of nuts fell out.

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If you see da police

WB

Warn a Brother

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I'm not fucking stupid. I mean I used to but then we broke up.

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Story Stuff:

Akakittens

Link to Shay's dress: http:///images/search?q=cocktaildresses&view=detail&id=13FD7E098B24FE8E54ED83F6F596B59E089939C2&first=0&FORM=IDFRIR

Link to Shay's shoes: http:///images/search?q=stilettoshoesblue&view=detail&id=3AD46E1026B8395E58596379A6D2909483432B1C&first=0&FORM=IDFRIR

Link to Shay's ring: http:///images/search?q=engagementrings&view=detail&id=41D56B6A79FD959CAC87E29DA45F94264225932A&first=0&FORM=IDFRIR

Link to Sisaridu's pic of Akakittens: http:///#/d488s82

Link to Sisaridu's pic of Hidan and Shay from Akakittens: http:///#/paddle

HP stuff:

(According to )
I'm a Ravenclaw.

My wand is 10 3/4 inches, Dogwood, Unicorn and slightly springy.

NOTICE: All Naruto fanfics in my favorites list have been moved to my C2.

Notice May 14th, 2014: My laptop is down and all of my stories are saved on it so updates will be quite a while off. At least until I get it fixed...