The Pirate King's Tailor

Summary: When I 'died' in a car crash I never expected I'd have the chance to end up in the One Piece world. There's just one problem, all of my memories of the story line are now gone, with only the words Straw Hat Pirates to give me a clue of what I'm supposed to do. Still, at least I got an incredibly useful Devil Fruit out of the deal.

Chapter 1

Story Start: Our Universe

The area around me was a mess. A blown-out tire from the front of a semi had caused it to careen out of control, taking out five different cars within the first five seconds of the accident and it had only gotten worse from there. I was on the tail end of the first twenty seconds and thanks to my pretty good reflexes had somehow managed to put my little Ford Ranger into a tail spin so that the back end had gotten crumpled and not me. Once my head had stopped ringing, I quickly got out of the cab from the passenger side and scrabbled to the side of the road, glad that I tended to stay in the fast lane whenever I went on freeways and highways simply on principle.

Screeching tires drew my attention as yet another car couldn't stop in time and I saw the mini-van slam into one of the already crumpled wrecks. Seeing the flames that started in both vehicles, I cursed before I rushed back to my truck's still open cab and flipped the back of the passenger seat forward to expose the small fire extinguisher and wonder-bar (mini crowbar) behind the seat. Grabbing both, I quickly rushed over and pulled the pin on the extinguisher, dousing the flames in its foam. Imminent explosions diverted, I helped the passengers get out of the cars only to discover that the driver of the car the mini-van had hit had his leg pinned under twisted metal. Thanking my foresight to grab the wonder-bar, I began prying the metal away from his leg, adrenalin aiding my already not so unimpressive strength and after about thirty seconds, the driver was just able to get his leg out. I had just enough time to wince at the mangled look of his ankle before I threw his left arm over my shoulder and began making my way back to the side of the road.

We were just beginning to pass the hood of my truck when yet again I heard tires screeching and I saw another car squealing as it came towards us too fast to stop. Tossing the driver the last few feet to the side of the road, I made to jump as well only to get hit by the car in the area of the driver side headlight, the force of the impact pinning me into the hood of my truck and causing my head to slam into the side of my truck directly above the wheel well and darkness filled my vision.

Scene Change: A Higher Plane

Just as fast as blackness took over my vision, whiteness replaced it and I blinked in surprise as I looked around. I was currently floating in a sea of white, wisps of steam like streamers undulating around me giving the appearance that I was underwater. There was a sudden sound of flapping wings behind me and I somehow spun around and saw a massive serpent with dozens of pairs of wings rapidly shooting through the whiteness towards me. My eyes widened and just as my arms instinctively went up to futilely ward the massive creature off it transformed into a black cloaked figure while at the same time coming to a dead stop five feet in front of me causing me to blink in stunned surprise.

The figure cackled and said in a man's voice "Oh man, I apologize for that but you should have seen the look on your face!"

I blinked at him before I scowled as I said "Let me guess, you're a B.R.O.B."

The figure tilted its hooded head (Of which all details were hidden in blackness) and said "Yes and no. I am a Random Omnipotent Being, but I'm currently more Bored than feeling like being a Bastard."

"Forgive me if I don't find that much of a comfort." I said crossing my arms. Hey, I was either currently in a coma or already dead, what did I care about watching what I said to this guy?

"You're not actually dead you know." The figure said, obviously having read my mind. At my raised eyebrow, he continued "Like I said, I've been feeling bored and so I was watching that not so little fender bender you were in. I saw what you did and I thought to myself 'Buddy, that guy looks like he could be somewhat entertaining in the action genre.' So I decided to bring you here and give you an offer that I seriously doubt you'll refuse."

"And that offer would be?" I asked, a little bit of caution now entering my tone of voice as I remembered the deals other B.R.O.B.s have made before.

"On top of holding off you're semi untimely demise for a while yet, I'll drop you off in another world where you can have a grand old time playing the part of an action hero. I'm thinking a One Piece world so I'm also willing to give you a Devil Fruit right out the gate."

"Sounds interesting, but what's the catch?" I asked warily.

Somehow, a disturbingly demented grin was now visible in the darkness of the figure's hood as he said "I'll be taking all of your memories of the story line as payment. You'll still have basic world knowledge, but Character Background Info and Future Knowledge will be completely erased."

I paled at the price given. The One Piece world was absolutely insane, and every single story I've ever read where some poor shmuck gets kicked into it only had said poor bastard (or bitch) surviving due to future knowledge. Well, there was that one poor gender bent sod in SI Seeking Straw Hat but even xe had their knowledge of the story to give them a goal to work towards. No memory of the story could lead me getting into some very deep diving pools of cow excrement if I said the wrong thing to the wrong people.

Taking a much-needed swallow, I said "I don't suppose you would be willing to allow me to modify the deal a little would you?"

The grin remained in place as the figure said "I'm open to a little bit of compromise. Like I said, the first B is currently Bored, not Bastard."

"Alright, three things: First, I'd like to be dropped into the East Blue on an island where Luffy and the others WILL find me. Second, I'd like to remember the name Straw Hat Pirates so that way I know who to go with. And Third and most importantly, if you're dropping me off on an uninhabited island, then please in the name of all that is both holy and not give me a proper knife and a pallet full of duck tape!"

I got the sense the figure suddenly blinked before it threw its head back and HOWLED with laughter, the surrounding mists seeming to shake like an earthquake was going on from the action. After a solid minute, the figure got itself under control and said "Ahh, I needed that." Grin returning, he said "I take it you're a Mythbuster fan."

"Got all twenty of the current seasons on my phone, along with the Search season." I said, grinning a little despite myself.

The figure chuckled again and said "Tell you what kid, not only well I grant your requests, but due to giving me a much needed laugh I'll even make it so that you're phone has infinite power and Wi-Fi so that you can keep up to date with your Mythbusting. You'll of course have to pay for it still but I'm sure you'll be rolling in dough soon enough."

"Thanks." I said stunned at the generosity of the figure before me. Now I just had to make sure no Transponder Snails decided to make the phone a snack and I wouldn't have to worry about boredom while I waited for the Straw Hats when I wasn't practicing with my new Devil Fruit.

Seeming to have read my mind again, the figure said "Oh yes, I should probably tell you which fruit you'll be getting shouldn't I?" Three fruits with swirly patterns on them appeared in between us, a peach, an apple, and a clementine orange. Giving a grandiose gesture, the figure said "Think of this as choosing your Pokemon Starter, the Fruit you choose will be with you at the start of your new journey and stick with you until the very end. We have here one of each Devil Fruit type: the Lemur Zoan, the Air Logia, and the Cloth Paramecia. Choose wisely young Trainer."

I ignored my first impulse of grabbing the Logia. Intangibility would be nice but that would only last until we reached the New World where at least half of the competition could hit me thanks to Haki. And while the thought of becoming a super powered Wind God of Death version of Naruto was appealing, if I went full Air, who knows how hard it would be for me to return back to a human form. So while the Logia had me drooling, it was Out.

The next choice I thought about was the Zoan. Unbelievably durable, and rapid recovery, it would be a good choice for someone who wasn't used to combat. And a lemur was one of the best jumpers of the animal kingdom making it good for hit and runs, and that tail would probably useful too. And of course we couldn't disregard the enhanced senses. But for all of that, the Zoan only had three forms (Unless I could convince Chopper to lend me some rumble balls and even those had drawbacks), and lemurs weren't exactly at the top of the food chain so little obvious combat abilities. So while it would have been cool being able to parkour like a boss, it was Out.

That left the Paramecia. Cloth didn't seem all that great combat wise, but that was just at first glance. Almost EVERYONE had some form of clothing on them and Your Summon Is Pink had already given me an idea of what I could do with it. Always having a weapon on me that everyone would ignore until I got really infamous would definitely come in handy, and if I could learn how to manipulate the clothes others were wearing? Yeah, excuse me as I let out a Bond Villain worthy cackle of malice. And that was just what I could use it for offensively. The saying of Devil Fruits are only as good as the user's imagination meant that I had a LOT of ideas about what I could do with that fruit if I could use it to make some of the weird and wonderful things I've seen and read about people wearing and using. Edge, Cloth Fruit.

Shaking myself out of my Deadliest Warrior mindset, I looked up from the fruits and said "I chose the Cloth Paramecia."

That demented grin was back as the figure said "Excellent choice." The peach and apple both faded away leaving the clementine orange. Said fruit floated into my right jacket pocket and he continued "Right then, time for you to head out mate, do try not to die in your first fight, it'd be rather anticlimactic going to all this trouble just for you to kick the bucket on the first level."

"No promises." I half muttered earning an amused "Ha!" before my world suddenly turned completely black like someone had turned off a massive light. The last thing I heard before I faded into oblivion was "Good luck mate, you're going to need it."