SariaHael
 Author has written 6 stories for Yu-Gi-Oh, Inuyasha, Hetalia - Axis Powers, and Joker/Clover/Heart no Kuni no Alice. I'm an author named Saria. What more needs to be said? Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 10 Commandments of a Teenager 1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping. I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fucking way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why isn't notebook paper constantly suffocating students while they take notes in class? I'll tell you why: because paper can't beat anybody; a rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/paper/scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to beat me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "Oh shit, I'm sorry. I thought paper would protect you, you asshole!":D 303 Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts 1. I will not poke Hufflepuff’s with spoons, nor will I insist that their house colours indicate that they are “covered in bees”. 2. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class 3. Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not “an extra credit project for Herbology” 4. “I’ve heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood’s name” is not a challenge. 5. Putting up Doug Henning posters in Filch’s office is not appropriate. 6. I will not go to class skyclad. 7. The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball. 8. I will not use Umbridge’s quill to write “I told you I was hardcore”. 9. I will stop referring to showering as “giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful”. 10. Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. “Polishing my wand” in the common room is not. 11. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw the Dark Mark on their arm. 12. House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers. 13. Staring a betting pool on the fate of this years DADA teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept. 14. I will not start every potions class by asking Professor Snape if today’s project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant. 15. “Liften Separatis Crotchum” is not a real spell. 16. I will not claim Chick Tracts are an accurate presentation of Muggle life. 17. Seamus Finnegan is not “after me Lucky Charms”. 18. I will not refer to the Weasley twins as “bookends”. 19. I will not refer to the Patil twins as “bookends”. 20. I will not call the DADA teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak. 21. There is no such thing as a were-thylacine. 22. I will not provide Luna Lovegood with Coast-to-Coast AM transcripts. 23. I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class. 24. I will not place anything by Silver Ravenwolf on the library shelves. 25. Tricking the school house elf into stripping does not mean they are now mine even if I yell “Owned!” 26. I am not a sloth Animagus. 27. I am not a tribble Aimagus. 28. I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or a piranha. 29. I do not weigh the same as a duck. 30. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar. 31. I do not have a Dalek Patronus. 32. I will not lick Trevor. 33. I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is. 34. The Ravenclaws are not “Mentals in training”. 35. Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazghul is coincidental. 36. I will not change the password to the prefect’s bath to “Makes getting clean almost as much fun as getting dirty”. 37. There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong. 38. Professor Flitwick does not wish to be addressed as “Admiral Naismith”. 39. Asking “How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?” is only funny the first time. 40. I will not offer to pose nude for Colin Creevey. 41. I will not offer to pose nude for Dean Thomas. 42. “42″ is not the answer to every question to the O.W.L.’s. 43. It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagall she takes herself too seriously. 44. I am not to Owl copies of the Evil Overlord List to suspected Death Eaters. 45. I will not offer to prepare tandoori owl. 48. I will not teach the first-years to sing “A Wizard’s Staff Has A Knob On The End”. 49. If Ginny Weasley wanted to borrow my Darkover books, she would have said so already. 50. I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter. 51. I will not go to meals dressed as Choda Boy. 52. Sirius Black did not found the Sirius Cybernetics Corp. 53. I will not draw an “H” on Percy Weasley’s forehead. 54. My name is not Captain Subtext. 55. Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab does not sell potions ingredients and I will not resell their products as “Veela Pheremones”. 56. I will not refer to Kingsley Shacklebolt as a “Big Black Sex Auror”. 57. I cannot Hadoken anything into oblivion. 58. Professor Flitwick’s first name is not Yoda. 59. I am not the Defence Against the Boring Classes Professor. 60. I am no longer allowed to use the words “pimp cane” in front of Draco Malfoy. 61. It is generally accepted that cats and dragons cannot interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory no matter how wicked the result would be. 62. Gryffindor courage does not come in bottles labelled “Firewhiskey”. 63. Using the Engorgio charm on certain parts of the human anatomy is not permitted on school grounds, not even for entertainment purposes. 64. First years are not to be fed to Fluffy. 65. A wand is for magic only, it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or drumming on desks, no matter how bored I become. 66. It is inappropriate to slip sample bottles of Selsun Blue into Professor Snape’s personal postbox. 67. I will stop referring to Hufflepuff’s as “cannon fodder”. 68. I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class. 69. First-years should not be encouraged to befriend the Whomping Willow. 70. Novelty or holiday themed ties are not to be worn with my school uniform. 71. I will not use my socks to make hand puppets of the Slytherin house mascot. 72. When fighting Death Eaters in the annual June battle of Good v. Evil, I will not lift my wand skyward and shout “There can be only ONE!”. 73. I should not refer to DADA professors as “canaries in the coal mine”. 74. I will not say the phrase “Dude, get a life.” to Lord Voldemort. 75. I will not put books of muggle fairy tales in the history section of the library. 76. There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth house at Hogwarts. And I am not a member of that house, nor am I its founder. 77. I will not refer to the Accio charm as “The Force”. 78. Albus Dumbledore’s proper title is “Headmaster”, not “My Liege”. 79. I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I foresaw her death. 80. I will not use Slytherin first years as Christmas decorations. 81. Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists. 82. If asked in class what the Avada Kedavra curse does, yelling “It Does DEATH!!” may be correct but it is not the manner in which one should answer. 83. I am not allowed out of my dorm when visitors from the Ministry are here. 84. I am not allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in a closet to see if hot gay sex will occur. 85. Ravenclaw’s do not find a sign saying “The library is closed for and indefinite time period” amusing in any sense. 86. I will not attempt to recreate the Key to Time in Transfiguration class. 87. A time turner is not a flux capacitator, and I should therefore not install one in any Muggle cars. 88. I am not allowed to use silencing charms on my Professors. 90. If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it. 91. I will not claim my X-Files tapes are “Auror Training Videos”. 92. When being interrogated by a member of the staff, I am not to wave my 93. I am not a member of the Spanish Inquisition. 94. Albus Dumbledore is not my personal Jesus. 95. I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort. 96. I will not follow potions instructions in reverse order just to see what happens. 97. I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts: A History that explains about Bilbo Baggins. 98. “OMGWTF” is not a spell. 99. I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss. 100. I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing. 101. I am not allowed to refer to Susan Bones, Hannah Abbott and Justin Finch-Fletchley as Blossom, Buttercup, and Bubbles. 102. I will not cast the occasional Obliviate spell on Dumbledore, even if it would be amusing. 103. I am not allowed to give the Gryffindors Pixie Stix. 104. I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and take bets on who will come out alive. 105. I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they are real animals. 106. I will not teach the house elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks. 107. I will not sing The Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin Quidditch matches. 108. I will not tell first years that they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow. 109. I will not douse Harry Potter’s Invisibility Cloak with lemon juice to see if he will become visible wearing it and standing near the fire in the common room. 110. I will not tell first years that Moon Prism Power is a basic Transfiguration spell. 111. I will not yell “Believe it… or not!” after any of Dumbledore’s speeches. 112. Bringing fortune cookies to Divination class does not count for extra credit. 113. My name is not “The Dark Lord Happy-Pants” and I am not allowed to sign my papers as such. 114. There is no such thing as the Chamber of Double Secret Probation. 115. I will not attempt to magically animate my marshmallow Peeps. 116. I will never ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling. 117. Voldemort is not Ganandorf, and the Triforce is not hidden in Hogwarts. 118. I will not sing the entire Multiplication Rock series during Arithmancy exams. 119. I will not charm the suits of armour to do a rendition of “Knights of the Round Table” for the Christmas feast. 120. I will not call Professor McGonagall “McGoogles”. 121. I am not allowed to make lightsaber sound with my wand. 122. “Draco Malfoy Takes it Up The Arse” is not an acceptable Quidditch chant. 123. I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween. 124. I will not wear my DEATH EATER AND PROUD OF IT! shirt to school. 125. I am not allowed to re-enact famous battles of the Revolutionary War in the charms corridor. 126. I am not allowed to declare an official Hug A Slytherin Day. 127. I am not allowed to introduce myself to the first years as Tim the Enchanter. 128. I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use war cries to signal my entrance into any classroom. 129. I will not try and start Naked Thursdays in the Common Room. 130. It is not necessary for me to yell “BAMF!” every time I Apparate. 131. I will not steal Gryffindor’s sword from Dumbledore’s office and use it to patrol the hallways. 132. I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways. 133. I am not allowed to begin each Herbology class by singing the theme song to “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes”. 134. I will not teach the first years to play “The Penis Game” in the Great Hall during dinner. 135. I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue. 136. I will not organize a Hogwarts Fight Club. 137. It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously. 138. I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God. 139. I will not dress up in a Dementor suit and use a Dustbuster on Harry’s lips to get him to do what I want. 140. I will not start food fights in the Great Hall. 141. I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book. 142. “To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys” is not an appropriate career choice. 143. I will not sing “We’re off to see the wizard” when sent to the Headmaster’s office. 144. The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife. 145. It is not necessary to yell “Burn!” everytime Snape takes points from Gryffindor. 146. “Y’all check this-here shit out!” is not an appropriate way to announce that you are about to perform an experimental spell. 147. I will not hold my wand in the air before casting spells and shout “I have the power!” 148. I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet. 149. I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have students yell “Ni” from various directions. 150. Getting everyone in the Great Hall to do the Time Warp will not earn me any house points. 151. I will not teach the front doors to recognise Filch and not let him in. 152. I will not give Voldemort a toupee to hide his baldness. 153. I am not allowed to tell first years that there is a playground in the forbidden forest. 154. Giving Professor Snape a ton tongue toffee is unacceptable. 155. Singing ‘pop goes the weasel’ when Professor Dumbledore is giving a speech is not permitted. 156. I will not introduce Slytherins to ‘my pet dog Fluffy,’ no matter how tempting it is. 157. Shouting ‘How COULD you betray me like that?’ whenever Snape removes house points is forbidden. 158. I will not steal veritaserum from Snape’s store and add some to the teacher’s morning tea. 159. I will not tell Snape he needs to go to his ‘happy place’ 160. I must not convince first years that the new password to Gryffindor tower is ‘Petrificus Totalus’ and must be said with their wands pointed at themselves. 161. I will not tell Professor Trelawney that my teacup says she’s lying. 162. I am not allowed to dress up like Neville’s grandmother when going to a Halloween party in Snape’s dungeon. 163. The forbidden forest is forbidden because it contains werewolves and acromantula, not because there is a secret cave with the answers to every test, and I should refrain from telling the first years that there is. 164. A bludger is not a bowling ball, and Professor Snape is not a bowling pin. I will not attempt to prove otherwise. 165. I will not tye-dye all of the owls. 166. I will not shave Mrs. Norris 167. The house elves are not there to do my homework 168. There is no bring a muggle to school day 169. I must stop telling 1st years about the time the Hogwarts Christmas tree ate a student 170. I must not throw Mrs Norris out windows 171. Telling Draco Malfoy to 'Make like a ferret and bounce' is always a bad idea. 172. I will not start singing and dancing in the middle of a class and blame that someone put the Imperious Curse on me. 173. I must not throw Hermione’s Hogwarts: A History out the window and then claim that it wanted freedom. 174. I must not leave shampoo on Professor Snape’s desk with directions on how to use it. 175. I will not tell first years that the best way to study is to stay up all night balancing your textbook on your head, as gravity will cause the information to sink through the skull and into the brain. 176. I will not take a hippogriff to the Summer Olympics to get an unfair advantage at the Equestrian competitions 177. I will not use magic to change test questions into those I can answer 178. The proper way to report to my Teacher is “Yes, Sir” not “You can’t prove a thing!” 179. A hug is not all Snape needs 180. When I see Professor Umbridge, I will not say, “There you are, Trevor. Neville has been looking all over for you.” 181. I will not tell Snape he is emo/goth just because he likes wearing black. 182. Harry Potter is not my 'Protection Shield' to carry around to ward off evil. 183. I will not introduce Peeves to IM. 184. I will not introduce Snape to IM. 185. I will not tell McGonagall that she is bad luck because she can turn into a cat. 186. I will not introduce Peeves to a T.V. 187. I will not tell Filch that he needs to bathe once in a while. 188. I won't sign my homework as 'Snaperdoodle' 189. When answering questions in Snape's class, I won't finish my sentences saying: 'dear Snaperdoodle'. 190. I will not hand out slips of papers asking students to answer the following question: Do you think Snape is evil? 191. I will not make a 'Too sexy for my shirt' slideshow full of Snape pictures and show it during all of my classes. 192. I will not tell the first years, who are waiting to be sorted, that in order to be sorted, you must confess your deepest secrets aloud while wearing the hat. 193. The "I Hate Snape" Club is not a valid after-class activity. 194. Making Harry Potter action figures without his permission is wrong. 195. I will not tell Grawp that "Hermy" will give him a kiss if he eats certain 196. I will not charm Firenze pink and call him "my little pony." 197. I will not "borrow" a prefects' badge for Peeves. 198. I will not attempt to set up a satellite dish on the Astronomy Tower 199. There is no Interpretive Dance course offered at Hogwarts, and I should stop 200. Yes, the Great Hall is extremely large, but Quidditch is an outside sport. 201. I will not demonstrate how to juggle using two Bludgers and the Snitch 202. I will not enter the great Hall running and yelling “We’re gonna Die” each time Snape comes to a meal. 203. I will not make farm animal noises in the back of Care for Magical creatures 204. I will not tell first years that divination is their 5th sense 205. Looking after a virtual pet is not a way to gain extra marks in care for magical creatures. 206. In the annual battle between death eaters and Hogwarts I will not sing “99 death eaters alive in the war, 99 death eaters alive. You shoot a spell they hit the ground. 98 deaths eaters alive in the war” as we fight. 207. Harry does not wish to wear a tutu to lunch and I should not make him. 208. I will not put black circles over Harry’s lenses and tell him he has gone blind. No matter how funny it could get. 209. I will not sing “ebony and Ivory” whenever I see Dean and Seamus together. 210. I will not tell first years Fang is a hell hound. 211. I will not post notices in common rooms saying that tomorrow is a theme day, 212. “Another one bites the dust” is not a song to sing during quidditch matches. 213. The first few lines of Mama by MCR is not the best song to be singing during first year sorting, 214. I will not tell students singing the fat Albert theme song is a way to gain extra points on potions 215. I will not laugh at Sirius if he changes his middle name to 'Lee'. 216. I will not laugh at Lupin’s 'time of the month'. 217. I will not offer Crabbe and Goyle a cupcake with Veritiserium. 218. I will not make fun of Harry and his 'Potter Senses Tingling'. 219. I am not allowed to reenact famous battles of the Revolutionary War in the charms corridor 220. I will not cast 'Petrificus Totalus' on myself in order to avoid going to classes. 221. I am not allowed to organize a witch burning, even if I have been assigned to do a presentation on Muggle history in my Muggle Studies class. 222. All's fair in love and war" is not an official rule of Hogwarts 223. I will not attempt to confuse Crabbe and Goyle by calling them by each other's names. 224. Even if I myself to do not believe in it, I will respect that the school observes daylight savings time. 225. Watching "The Food Network" is not equivalent to sitting NEWT-level Potions classes. 226. Mr. Weasley's flying car is not to be taken apart piece by piece and rebuilt inside Snape's classroom 227. I will not tell the Ravenclaws that they're basically useless because Hogwart's smartest student is in another house 228. It is not appropriate trade first years between houses. 229. I will not tell first years that "any true wizard or witch" can see Thestrals, and that if they can't they "obviously aren't cut out for this school". 230. Draco Malfoy is not the secret identity of "Ferret Boy". 231. I will not attempt to determine whether Malfoy is a natural blond. 232. The song "Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead" is never, ever appropriate. 233. "Springtime for Voldemort" is not an acceptable suggestion for the class play. 234. I will stop pasting happy face stickers on Snape's office door 235. Hagrid's skin is not green and I should stop calling him 'The Jolly Green Giant.' 236. Breaking into song during Potions class is not acceptable 237. Teaching first years to chorus in unison "The amazing bouncing ferret" whenever they hear the name Draco Malfoy is just wrong, funny, but wrong. 238. Bungee jumping off the astronomy tower is against the rules, even if it isn't written anywhere. 239. Yelling BOO! at Professor Moody is not wise. 240. I am not allowed to use the superglue spell to stick Harry and Draco's hands together 241. I will not sing "Defying Gravity" during Quidditch practice. 242. Saying the Dark Mark should be the Slytherin Crest is wrong. 243. When Death-Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Bat Mobile, Robin!" 244. "Ya'll check this crap out!" is not an aprropriate way to announce that I am about to conduct an expirimental spell 245. Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera. 246. I will no longer wear a hood, walk up to Harry, and claim to be his real father. 247. I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I had a vision of her killing the Dark Lord. 248. I am to stop asking Professor Snape to Yule Ball. 249. Mad-Eye Moody knows his eye is creepy, he does not need to be told... again. 250. Despite popular belief, Hufflepuffs are not soft and squishy. Do not treat them as such. 251. I am not allowed to predict the end of the world more than once. 252. I will stop substituting Professor Lupin's Wolfsbane with Polyjuice Potion containing hairs from Mrs. Norris. 253. Regardless of the beautiful irony, I will not hang a tempting piñata from the Whomping Willow. 254. I will not attempt to graft a transplant from the Whomping Willow onto the Hogwarts Christmas Tree in Herbology class. 255. I will not try to make a new basilisk for the Chamber of Secrets 256. I am not to refer to the Potions classroom as “Kitchen Stadium”. 257. “Potter 6, Voldemort 0″, is not a valid T-shirt slogan 258. I will not pay Peeves to rewrite the school-anthem! 259. If Lupin requests something of me, it is considered very rude to refuse by replying, “Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin!” 260. Telling Umbridge cardigans are so 1994 will get you in trouble. 261. I must never tell Ron he looks like a puffer fish. 262. I am not allowed to sing "Holding Out For A Hero" whenever Harry Potter enters the room. 263. Putting fake spiders around Ron’s bed isn’t funny. Especially when he tries to jump out of the window. 264. It probably isn’t smart to ask Draco Malfoy if his hair glows in the dark. 265. No matter how cool it sounds I will not release pixies into the school - it will just end badly. 266. I will not use muggle hair dye to dye Draco Malfoy's hair red. 267. It is not a good idea to charm the furniture in the potions classroom to be pink and fluffy. 268. I will not owl Voldemort a bottle of anti-depresents. 269. I will not make Snape an appointment with a muggle psychiatrist. 270. It is not a good idea to ask Snape if he is off his medication when he is angry. Or ever. 271. After using the hair dye on Malfoy, I will not attempt to claim him as the long missing Weasley brother. 272. I will not tell the first years that it is customary to dye their hair in their house colours for their first day of lessons. 273. A lightning bolt tattoo is NOT the 'Light Mark'. 274. Selling memorabilia with photographs of the 'ferret incident' is not allowed. 275. There is no annual 'Dress Like Dumbledore' day. 276. I will not re-enact Harry Potter Puppet Pals in the Great Hall. 277. I will not write all my essays in red ink claiming it is blood. 278. I am not allowed to wear Death Eater robes to dinner and shout Long live Lord Voldemort because I think its funny. 279. I will not replace Professor Snape’s pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro. 280. I may not speak Latin in front of the books. 281. I may not mock Professor Umbridge in front of the press. 282. I am not possessed by the ghost of Lady MacBeth 283. Neville is not my valet. 284. There is no “open-mic night” at Hogwarts 285. It is not a good idea to give Malfoy a “love note” from Ginny and vice versa, 286. It is not a good idea to show the notes to Pansy Parkinson and Daphne Greengrass 287. It is a horrible idea to introduce “colour war” to Hogwarts with Slytherin as green, Hufflepuff as yellow, Gryffindor as red and Ravenclaw as blue. 288. On no circumstances can you introduce rabid fan girls to Harry potter. 289. You must not mix Ravenclaws with muggle geeks or Slytherins with popular people that are muggles. Or Blair Waldorf. 290. I am not to make a waterfall in the astronomy tower so I can surf down after class. 291. I am not allowed to change the Slytherin banner in the Great Hall to a pink and blue banner with a teddy bear on it. 292. Easter in Hogwarts is not to be celebrated by releasing hordes of pink rabbits and making the first years chase them. 293. I am not God. 294. Professor Dumbledore is not God. 295. Despite being near-omniscient, Professor McGonagall is not God. 296. Neither is Harry Potter. 297. I am not the founder of a new religion, in which Snape is the devil and Weasleys are the chosen people and are to lead the followers to the light. 298. I cannot make the followers of Weasleyity have red hair and freckles. 299. The Thriller is not the school dance. 300. I may not borrow an extra wand and watch DRUMLINE too many times. The results are too unpredictable, and Professor Flitwick would like his nose back some day. 301. I will not sweep the Gryffindor common room with Harry Potter's prized Firebolt. 302. It is wrong to refer to Aragog as "Charlotte". 303. I will not swap Draco's broom with one out of Filch's broom cupboard. YOUR GUY SIDE: You love hoodies. X It's hilarious when people get hurt. X (Sometimes, not always) Total: 17 Your Girl Side You wear lip gloss/stick. You smile a lot more than you should.X Total: 10 LEARN CHINESE IN 5 MINUTES Say the words out loud. 1) That's not right... ...Sum Ting Wong A Friend... REASONS TO JOIN THE DARK SIDE (If you wish to join add this list to your profile) 1. We have cookies (last I checked there was hot chocolate too) 2. Meet the recruitment bunny! 3. You get a cool dark cape that covers your whole body! 4. You get a really cool crazy laugh! Practice with me people: MWA HAHAHAHA cough cough! 5. You get to walk out of shadows mysteriously and freak out the good guy! 6. One word: UNDERLINGS! Someone to get things for you when you're too lazy to do them yourself... Now that's the life 7. Money Money Money : Ever notice that we are usually much richer than the good guys? 8. (Reason I joined) Does there have to be a reason? The dark side is fun! -Flails arms- I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on FaceBook, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Harry Potter, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. WHAT A KISS MEANS Kiss on the stomach = "I'm ready" What the gesture means... --Advice-- If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste. If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile If you have ever herad the song Leather Pants and laughed copy this into your profile.(IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN LEATHER PANTS, WATCH IT!!!!!!!!!!!) Bakura = sexy. Copy and paste if you follow this logic. If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think those kids should just give the Rabbit his cereal, copy and paste this into your profile. If you believe that the day Seto Kaiba's gravity-defying trenchcoat stops defying gravity is the day the world ends, copy and paste this into your profile When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. When life gives you rice, you make jelly filled donuts. A friend would help you escape an explosion. A best friend would help you set up the bomb. I wish my vegetables were cannibals so they could eat themselves. Red was here. Blue is a loser. If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. "I'm bringing sexy back..." Copy and paste this into your profile if you never even knew sexy was gone. 98 of teenagers do drugs, have sex, and drink alcohol...put this in your profile if you like bagels. If you sometimes seem to trip over thin air, put this in your profile. If you have ever fallen up the stairs, put this in your profile. If you have ever copy and pasted something into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, put this in your profile. Admitting you are weird is normal. Admitting you are normal is odd. Different is odd and different is not good. If you are weird and proud of it, put this in your profile. you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile. 92 of teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch or American Eagle said it was uncool to breathe. if you are part of the 8 that would stand there and laugh, copy and paste this into your profile If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile. If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile. If they are right... copy and paste this into your profile. If you think iPods were gifts from the gods copy and paste this onto your profile If Orlando Bloom said to stop breathing, 99 percent of girls currently on the face of the Earth would be dead right now. Put this on your profile if you'd be the 1 percent still alive and laughing. If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile. If you know someone who should be run over by a bus put this on your profile. cough Jacob cough My best friend is insane! If you agree, or if you have an insane friend, then copy this to your profile. If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile If you think that Writer's Block blows (sucks), copy and paste this into your profile. 80 of young teenage girls think Zac Efron is HOT, if your one of the 18 who shake their heads sadly and dismissivley, paste this into your profile. If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile. If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile. If you like chocolate as much as I do (which is ALOT), copy this in your profile. If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile. Nerds are cool. Nerds are smart. Nerds will one day rule the universe. If you're a nerd and proud of it, copy this into your profile. I do not do drugs. I do sugar. If you're someone who does sugar, copy this into your profile. If you have ever burned any sort of food in the microwave, oven, toaster, or on the stove, copy this into your profile. If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile. If you have ever cried when your favorite character in a movie, T.V show, or book died, copy and paste this into your profile. No boy is worth crying for, and the one that is won't make you cry. If you agree, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile. If you love the rain, copy and paste this into your profile. like chocolate. Cheetahs are pretty. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile! If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you hate those obnoxious snobby people PLEASE copy and paste this into your profile Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929,SweetNCrazieSugarmuffin,The Komodo Dragon Phoenix,Bust_A_Groover, Tecna, Triggonseed, The Only Innocent Writer Here-Yumi, EstellaB, NarnianMelody, tookieclothespen, bellabookworm9, GoodyGoody23, EdwardIsMyLover, FrevrnvrLasts, The Dawn Is Breaking, SariaHael If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull, or vice-versa, copy and paste this to your profile. Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you dont know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If you are wierd and proud of it, then copy and paste this to your profile! .eliforp ruoy otni siht etsap dna ypoc ,sdrawkcab siht daer ot hguone trams era uoy fI If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile. 1F Y0U C4N UND3R574ND 7H15 M355463 C0PY 17 4ND P4573 17 1N70 Y0UR PR0F1L3. If you don't have a problem with homosexuality, copy this into your profile. If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this to your profile. If you have ever run into a tree, copy and paste this to your profile. If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this to your profile. If you cried when Johnny died in The Outsiders, copy and paste this to your profile. 90 of teens today would die if Myspace had a system failure and was completely destroyed...If you are one of the 10 that would be laughing, copy and paste this to your Profile. If you've ever wanted to give a movie or show character a flyingtacklehug, copy and paste this into your profile. If you ever watched a movie so many times you know all the words to it then copy and paste this to your profile. If you are a MOVIE QUOTER, which means you go around quoting movies for fun, copy and paste this in your profile! If you truly believe there is an Edward Cullen out there for you (his name DOESNT have to be Edward Cullen), then copy and paste this to your profile. If you have ever stopped in the middle of a busy street to look at something, copy and paste this to your profile. If you have ever had a mad laughing fit over nothing at all, copy and paste this to your profile. If you've ever went to tuck your hair behind your ear, and end up accidentally poking yourself in the eye, copy this to your profile. If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, copy this to your profile. If you are obsessed with fanfiction, copy this to your profile. If you know life is good no matter what happens, copy and paste this on your profile. If you have ever ran into a mirror, copy and paste this to your profile. 98 percent of teenagers have do or has tried smoking pot. If you are part of the 2 percent who hasn', copy this to your profile If you forgot your phone number when someone asked you for it, copy this to your profile. If you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile. 95 of teens would cry if they saw the Jonas Brothers at the top of a skyscraper about to jump. Copy and paste this EVERYWHERE if you are in the 5 that would shout "Jump assholes, Fucking Jump already!" If you think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in your pro! 93 percent of teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, .missy.skye., BlissfulyShadowingEdwardCullen., Korie.Moore, The Dawn Is Breaking, SariaHael If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica(real name)(i always change my penname)(tehehehe) I'veComeToTakeYourCheese, Vampire Scooby, BlissfulyShadowingEdwardCullen, Korie.Moore, The Dawn Is Breaking If you think that being unique is better than being cool then put this on your profile. 98 of the internet population has a Facebook. If you're part of the 2 that can resist stupid fads, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have stared at your computer for a complete hour copying and pasting copy and paste its into your profile copy and paste this into your profile. If you have a pet copy and paste this on to your profile If you can just never type fast enough copy and paste this onto your profile If you like reading, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever tried to hi-five somebody and end up hitting them in the head, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have ever tripped down the stairs copy this into your profile. If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile. If you are in lala land most of the time copy this into your profile. If you've ever yelled at an inatimate object for not listening to you, copy and paste this into your profile If for all of DH you were wondering 'So where's Crookshanks...?', copy this into your profile. If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile If you have inside jokes...with yourself...copy and paste this into your profile. 98 percent of teenagers drink or have been around alcohol, put this in your profile if you like MUFFINS! If you cried when Fred Weasley died ((in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows)), and not afraid to admit it, copy, paste this on your profile, and add your name to the list: Littlewhisker, Patronus Charm, The Dawn Is Breaking, SariaHael If you're still waiting for your Hogwarts letter, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, copy this into your profile. If you have ever had to sweep a floor, and tried to get the broom by shouting, "UP!" copy and paste this onto your profile. If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile If you think Harry Potter is still better than Twilight, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you cried when Sirius Black fell through the veil, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you are a strong supporter of S.P.E.W. (Society for the Promotion of Elvish Welfare), and want to give all the little House Elves neon colored socks, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. if you turn your head to the right and see a pirate, copy paste this into your profile. Paste this in your profile if you're a procrastination addict. If you like smiley faces, then copy this into your profile:D If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile. If you like chocolate as much as I do, copy this in your profile. profileIf you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile. If someone actually thinks that you are evil and/or plotting their death, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile. "LISTEN HERE, FLINT LOCKWOOD! See this contact lens? This contact lens, represents YOU. And my eye, represents my EYE. I've got my EYE...on YOOOOU." -That one cop from Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 13 things PMS Stands for: 13. Pass My Shotgun Girls Pick the month you were born: Pick the day (number) you were born on: Pick the color of shirt you are wearing: FEMALE COMEBACKS!! pick up line comebacks, add to it Man: Where have you been all my life? Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Man: Is this seat empty? Man: Your place or mine? Man: So, what do you do for a living? Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Man: Your body is like a temple. Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together Man: Your eyes they're amazing. Man: You know you have a beautiful smile! Man: "Haven't we met before?" Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?" Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" I'm Glad I'm A Woman I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing And I honestly think its a privilege for me Yes, I'm glad I'm a woman, a woman you see Wrong Answer A wife asks her husband, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?" "After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship." "If I died and you remarried," the wife asks, "would she live in this house?" "We've spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house. I guess she would." "If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house," the wife asks, "would she sleep in our bed?" "Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2,000. It's going to last a long time, so I guess she would." "If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house and slept in our bed, would she use my golf clubs?" "Oh, no," the husband replies. "She's left-handed." For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.) I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage. I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore... Im STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.( I am, but still) I'm a TEEN GIRL who likes to HAVE GOOD NATURED FUN with my FRIENDS, so I MUST be a WHORE, SLUT, and a LESBIAN. I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob I'm ALWAYS SMILING AND LAUGHING, so I MUST have a great life. I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis. I'm a HANNAH MONTANA FAN, so I MUST be childish and immature.(Well, I kinda am, but still) I like to READ, so I MUST have no life. I’m a BOOKWORM, so I MUST be weak and opposed to violence.(I am actually very violent) I have NO PROBLEM with GAY PEOPLE, so I MUST be one TOO! Strange and insane laws: Detonating a nuclear device within the city limits results in a 500 dollar fine. (Hmm... I'm not that sure all of the suicide terrorists will be scared off by that.) It is illegal for horses to eat fire hydrants. (What... the...) It is illegal to allow a dog to be in a public place without its master on a leash. (Whoever passed this law was obviously half-asleep.) It is illegal to allow a pet cat to run loose without a taillight. (Lol...) It is illegal to carry a lunch down the street between 11 and 1 o'clock. (Oh great. Looks like we'll have to wait an extra hour to have lunch then.) It is illegal to drive a motor vehicle on city streets unless a man with a lantern is walking ahead of it. (In that case most of the world should be locked up in prison.) It is illegal to eat in a place that is on fire. (I'm sure we'll all be thinking of our stomachs when the building's on fire.) It is illegal to have sex on a parked motorcycle. (Excluding all else, who'd want to have sex on a parked motorcycle?) It is illegal to purchase an alcoholic beverage after midnight on Sunday, yet one may do so on Monday. (Makes sense if you think about it, but on first impression...) It is illegal to purchase or use Sparklers in the city, yet you can buy fully disassembled automatic machine guns. (This might be better off in the "Only in America" section.) It is illegal to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool. (A pity. That's a novelty I'd pay money to see.) It is illegal to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale. (Strange, but not illogical until you take into account that there is no coastline at all in the state in which this is a law...) It is illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep. (AHH! HELP! FIRE!) The penalty for jumping off a building is death. (Whoever came up with this? We should give him a Nobel Prize for such a masterful logical conclusion.) now for semoehtnig itnresitng... i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty Hi everyone! Here are ALL of the yugioh shippings.(I plan to look up every one) Abandonshipping (Gozaburo x Noa x Mokuba) Copy and paste(s) I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian. I hate ppl who think there is some thing wrong with girlXgirl or guyXguy, love is still love and I suport all forms of love! I also hate child abuse, so I put the following copy/paste on here. (\ _ /) This is Bunny. Copy Bunny into your profile to help him on his way to world domination! If you want to be a character on an anime show, copy and paste this into your profile Anime is life. Manga is life. Life is good. Parents suck for not buying you more life. If you agree, copy and paste this to your profile. FREINDS/BESTFRIENDS thing: FRIENDS: Lend you their umbrella FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you. BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're Gay, isn't it?" FRIENDS: Will congratulate you when he asks you out. BEST FRIENDS: Will clap you on the back, walk up to him, and say: “Break her heart; I’ll break your face.” FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you. BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..." FRIENDS: Helps you up when you trip. BEST FRIENDS: Points and laughs, because she just stuck her foot out. FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince. BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and chains him to your basement. FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. BEST FRIENDS: Keeps a stash of tissues under her bed. FRIENDS: Will offer you a drink. BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you. FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain when you’re soaked. BEST FRIENDS: Has already taken yours and ran halfway down the street. FRIENDS: Will help you move. BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies. FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Are passed out in the next cell down. FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reasons why you have no food. FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS! FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. BEST FRIENDS: Won’t tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when you're not down anymore. FRIENDS: Asks you for your number. BEST FRIENDS: Has kidnapped your phone, and is trying to call you to collect the ransom. FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story... FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the crowd’s ass. FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME." FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone. BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell. FRIENDS: Will pull you off the top of the bar when you’re drunk, and are trying to pole-dance with the bartender... BEST FRIENDS: Are up there, too... and probably the ones who suggested it in the first place. FREINDS: Will listen to you rant about your fight with some Bimbo. BEST FRIENDS: Is helping you key her Porsche. FREINDS: Can guess what you’re thinking. BEST FRIENDS: Have developed awesome telekinetic mind-powers, just to get inside your head. FREINDS: Will forgive you when you break her favourite CD. BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you off a building herself. FRIENDS: Hold your hair while you chuck, and hand you a Panadol for the hangover. BEST FREINDS: Is puking next to you, and has already taken the last one. FRIENDS: Will help you do something illegal. BEST FRIENDS: Will become Prime Minister and make it legal so you can do it all the time. FREINDS: Will hide you from the cops. BEST FRIENDS: Are the reason they’re after you. FREINDS: Will help me find my way when I'm lost BEST FRIENDS: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions FRIENDS: Will help me learn to drive BEST FRIENDS: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance FREINDS: Will go to a concert with you. BEST FREINDS: Will kidnap the band with you. FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies) FRIENDS: Would read and ignore this. BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this crap! Isnt it funny that when you go to the shops with your friends you look down at the girl with black jeans and studs but smile at the girl wearing a mini with a tshirt that barely cover anything? (yea thats just plain weird.) Isnt it funny you can change your music taste to impress a guy but when it comes to a girl who likes her own music and her own style, you give her a mouthful?(I don't do that!) Isnt it funny a emo can be quiet all through the week but gets more shit from everyone than the girl who sleeps around and sells her virginity?( No it's dumb.) ISN'T IT FUNNY that you can call emos, punks, goths the retards but still manage to get through your day without an inch of guilt in your heart? (I don't really do that though!) HOW YOU CAN CALL A GIRL A POSER, HOW CAN YOU SAY "YOUR NOT EMO" OR "ATTENTION SEEKER" WITHOUT SPENDING A SECOND TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHY THERE ARE CUTS ON HER WRISTS AND WHY SHE SPENDS HER LUNCHTIMES CRYING INSTEAD OF LAUGHING WITH HER FRIENDS? KEEP ON LAUGHING! BRAVE IS GOING TO SCHOOL ON MUFTI DAY AND NOT FOR A SECOND CARE WHAT THE WORLD AROUND YOU IS SAYING ABOUT YOUR CLOTHES. ITS LISTENING TO YOUR OWN MUSIC AND BEING PROUD OF IT! if you agree put this on your profile and advise others to do the same Please read-true story (not me) I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back. The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The Cashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll.' Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?'' The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.'' Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to. 'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.' I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry. But he replied to me sadly. 'No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there.' His eyes were so sad while saying this. 'My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.'' My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said: 'I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall.' Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me 'I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me.' 'I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister.' Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly. I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we check 'OK' he said, 'I hope I do have enough.' I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money. The little boy said: 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!' Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!'' 'I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.'' 'My mommy loves white roses.' A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy? Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away. I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him. Now you have 2 choices: 1) Repost this message, or Random Funny Stuff When life hands you a lemon, squirt life in the eye and run like heck. There are people in Africa that can't afford sarcasm, and yet, you abuse it. Being mature is overrated. Being weird is like being normal, only better. I see regular people! I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me. Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright. Boys are like Slinky's... useless, but fun to watch fall downstairs There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is full. Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door. Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over. When you get caught looking at him just remember he was looking back. One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear. It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone. I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people. I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life? As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up. Silence is golden, duct tape is silver Make a man a fire, keep him warm for a day. Set a man on fire, keep him warm for life Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God! When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then watch the world wonder how you did it. If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk I'm not littering...I'm donating to the Earth I've got A.D.D and magic markers, oh the thrills I will have! ( I don't really have ADD ) Life is like a pack of gum... I've yet to figure out why. Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history. You call me a B--ch well a B--ch is a female dog. A dog barks. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. Nature is beautiful. So thanks for the compliment :D Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch? Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil. Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that. Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason I loved you. I was doing fine till I ran out of stars. One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and have their shoes. If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"? Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections? Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. It's all fun and games until someone get hurt...then its hilarious. You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then? Never go to bed angry, stay up and plot your revenge. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. The more I learn, the less I understand. I OWE MY MOTHER 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why." 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, 7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS."Shut your mouth 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA"You'll sit there until all that 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. " There are millions of less 16 My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing 19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father." 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll 25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll APT ANAGRAMS Dormitory rearranged is Dirty Room Presbyterian rearranged is Best in Prayer Astronomer rearranged is Moon Starer Desperation rearranged is A Rope Ends it The Eyes rearranged is They See George Bush rearranged is He Bugs Gore The Morse Code rearranged is Here Come Dots Slot Machines rearranged is Cash Lost in 'em Evangelist rearranged is Evil's Agent Animosity rearranged is Is No Amity Election Results rearranged is Lies-Let's Recount Snooze Alarms rearranged is Alas! No More Z's A Decimal Point rearranged is I'm a Dot in Place The Earthquakes rearranged is That Queer Shake Eleven Plus Two rearranged is Twelve Plus One Mother-In-Law rearranged is Woman Hitler POP QUIZ a.) How long did the Hundred Years' War last? b.) Which country makes Panama hats? c.) From which animal do we get catgut? d.) In which month do Russians celebrate the october Revolution? e.) What is a camel's hair brush made of? f.) The Canery Islands in the Pacific are named after which animal? g.) What was King George VI's first name? h.) What color is a purple finch? i.) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? Answer Key a.) 116 years b.) Ecuador c.) Sheep and Horses d.) November e.) Squirrel Fur f.) Dogs (Canines) g.) Albert h.) Crimson i.) New Zealand Favourite Quotes When life gives you lemons ask for tequila & salt and call me Best friends are like star you can't always see them but you know there always there. A friend will comfort you you when he rejects you, but a best friend will go up to him and say it's because your gay isn't it!! Friend's are forever boys are Whatever. Life can only be understood backwards but it must be lived forwards Our greatest glory consists not in never failing but in rising every time you fail Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game Life isn't measured by the number of breaths we take but by the number of moments that take our breath away I was born intelligent but education ruined me Inside every old person there's a young one-wondering what the heck happened Men, chocolate and coffee are all better rich It is better to have loved and lost than to have not loved at all The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all Hope is never lost, only found "Be very careful if you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears. Woman came out of a man's rib. Not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior. But from the side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected. And next to the heart to be loved..." Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up People may not remember what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel Few woman admit their age; fewer men act it. Always give 100 at work: 12 on Monday, 23 on Tuesday, 40 on Wednesday, 20 on Thursday, and 5 on Friday. If you're not living on the edge you're taking up to much space. We live in a society where pizza gets to your house faster then the police do. We learn from history that we do not learn anything from history. Really Dumb Store labels: On a cardboard windshield sun shade: "Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place." On an infant's bathtub: Do not throw baby out with bath water. On a package of Fisherman's Friend(R) throat lozenges: Not meant as substitute for human companionship. On a Magic 8 Ball: Not advised for use as a home pregnancy test. On a roll of Life Savers: Not for use as a flotation device. On a cup of McDonald's coffee: Allow to cool before applying to groin area. On a Pentium chip: If this product exhibits errors, the manufacturer will replace it for a $2 shipping and a $3 handling charge, for a total of $4.97. On a refrigerator: Refrigerate after opening. On a disposable razor: Do not use this product during an earthquake. On a handgun: Not recommended for use as a nutcracker. On pantyhose: Not to be used in the commission of a felony. On a piano: Harmful or fatal if swallowed. On Kevorkian's suicide machine: This product uses carbon monoxide, which has been found to cause cancer in laboratory rats. On work gloves: For best results, do not leave at crime scene. On a palm sander: Not to be used to sand palms. On a calendar: Use of term "Sunday" for reference only. No meteorological warranties express or implied. On Odor Eaters: Do not eat. On a blender: Not for use as an aquarium. On syrup of ipecac: Caution: May cause vomiting. On a microscope: Objects are smaller and less alarming than they appear. On children's alphabet blocks: Letters may be used to construct words, phrases and sentences that may be deemed offensive. On a wet suit: Capacity, 1. On The Washington Post: Do not cut up and use for blackmail note. Ten things to see before you die 1. A vegetarian be eaten by an animal. 2. An emo kid talk about happy bunnies. 3. Homer say something intelligent. 4. Taxes disappear. 5. Voldemort destroy one of his Horcruxes. 6. Michael Jackson be stalked by children. 7. Children take over class and teach teacher in child subjects, such as: armpit farts, skate-boarding, real music, ect. 8. Wrestling people forget their moves. 9. The coyote catch the road runner. 10. The reaction of the teen population if abercombie was closed and it was illegal to wear their clothing Complete the sentence. Vampires are awesome as long as they dont sparkle. I will not stuff my face at dinner, even though it's my favorite. I will never call myself normal A werewolf can be really hot, or really stupid. It's your call... Pie is great for THROWING!! Some things need to be disposed of, pronto. One mans trash is full of junk. You should never call me normal. If you do, I will kill you.:D Always try to live your life to the fullest. Cats may be smaller, but they are smarter. Dogs are. Smelly Eventuall yI will rule the world, and make you all my slaves... The end of the world will not be 2012, thank you very much. WHO IS YOUR ROLE MODEL?? Try it without looking at answers 1) Pick your favorite number between 1-9 2) Multiply by 3 then 3) Add 3, then again Multiply by 3 (I'll wait while you get the calculator...) 4) You'll get a 2 or 3 digit number…. 5) Add the digits together Now with that number see who your ROLE MODEL 1. Einstein 2. Nelson Mandela 5. Bill Gates 6. Gandhi 7. Brad Pitt 8. Hitler 9.SARIAHAEL!!!!!!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA*cough, cough*HAHAHAHAHA 10. Barack Obama I know...I just have that effect on people...one day you too can be like me... :) Believe it! PS. Stop picking different numbers. I AM YOUR IDOL, JUST DEAL WITH IT!! Now copy and paste this into your profile, and change your name in #9. My 9 Names: Gang name (4 letters of real name plus 'izzle')--Saraizzle Star Wars name (3 letters last name, 2 letters first name)--Heasa Superhero name (color of underwear, fav candy)-- Blue Muskater Middle-Eastern name--Afsana Your witness protection name (mom's and dad's middle names)--Emily Derek Goth name ('black' plus name of pet/toy)--Black Bella YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF... You talk to yourself a lot. You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask my self random things?') When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someones liver?') After uttering a profound peice of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, 'Holy crap, this stuff is great for sugar highs...' You live off of sugar and caffeine (the two greatest things ever discovered!) You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth. You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random. When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it. You tend to collect Bic Sticks off the ground like picking pennies off the ground. No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper. The letters on your keyboard are wearing off. Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome. People think you have A.D.D. You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D. You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense. You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago. And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101. (copy that into you're profile if you fit one or more of the descriptions REMEMBER WHEN .. Put This In Your Profile If You're Still 5 Inside...No Matter How Old You Are Now! :D Really Awesome Quotes "Hey Odd are you ready for that biology test?" "Yeah, listen. Fish are capable of swimming. They also can breath underwater." -An exchange between the Jeremey and Odd. "The walls of Jericho are coming down!" -It Happened One Night "Who's afraid of the big bad wolf? The big bad wolf. The big bad wolf. She's afraid of the big bad wolf. She's afraid." -It Happened One Night "You remind me of a man" "What man?" "The man with the power" "What power?" "The power of voodoo" "Who do?" "You do" "Do what?" "You remind me of a man" - The Bachelor and the Bobbysoxer "YOU SIT ON A THRONE OF LIES!!" -Buddy the Elf "It's just like Santa's workshop except it smells like mushroons... and everyone looks like they want to hurt me" -Buddy the Elf Just because I can stand on my own two feet doesn't mean I don't want to be swept away sometimes." "The idea doesn't have to be big. It just has to change the world." Hugh MacLeod "Go away, close the book put it down do not look we said no still you looked now instead someone gets cooked" - Books 1 and 2 of the Spiderwick Chronicles "Fantasty and Reality often overlap" Walt Disney (A truly amazing genius) "All your dreams can come true if you have the courage to pursue them" Walt Disney "It's Kind Of Fun To Do The Impossible..." Walt Disney (yes, I love almost all his quotes) “Too many people grow up. That's the real trouble with the world, too many people grow up. They don't remember what it's like to be 12 years old. They patronize, they treat children as inferiors. Well I won't do that.” Good old walt "I'm being stalked by Satan's Camaro!" Transformers "Eagles may soar but weasles don't get sucked into jet engines"- Steve Wright "In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. Where is the logic in that? Do tall people burn slower?" -Warren Hutcherson "If I could be a bird, I'd be a Fly Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song." -Jack Handey "If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic." -Jack Handey "How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol? How about the pillow? It has more feathers than a dove and it doesn't have that dangerous beak." -Jack Handey "You see things and say 'why?' but i dream things that never were and say 'why not?'"-George Bernard Shaw "Around here, however,we don't look backwards for very long. Keep moving forward." Walt Disney "You have to be a sponge, you have to constantly absorb the world you live in." Raymond Carver when asked what he thought the secret was to becoming a writer. (came from my textbook. Imagine that) ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... sSSS? ... ... .s..sS ... ... ... ... ... . beaten a guy in an arm wrestle, Copy and paste this to your profile if you have died from chain letters. Twelve times. Copy and paste this to your profile if you would like to see Vic Mignogna in a pink dress. With bows. And frills. Copy and paste if your not like everyone else. Put your own story into the details! Only copy and paste those that relate to you You like pop songs: I like country You like cute boys: I like cute Anime/manga characters You like jewellery: I like games You like designer clothes: I like trackys and a tank You go to the movies: I read books You're on Team Jacob: I'm on Team Send Them Both To Hell You're on Team Edward: ... same as before You go to school dances with your boyfriend: I glare at my friends who make me go You talk about kissing boys: I talk about nothing in that region You don't like to read: I live in a mobile library almost :D Now for the long bit... Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious. Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure How is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person? The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. A bargain is something you can't use at a price you can't resist. It's always been and always will be the same in the world: The horse does the work and the coachman is tipped. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics. Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark It is often easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission People who snore always fall asleep first. Used to be that my true love brought me chocolate. Now my true love IS chocolate. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. Money can't buy happiness but it can certainly rent it for a couple of hours. Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself. Everyone needs belief in something. I believe I'll have another beer I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally. I worship the ground that awaits you. I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent. (store this in ur brain for later!) You have a right to your opinions. I just don't want to hear them. I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down. No problem. Mobile phones are the only subject on which men boast about who's got the smallest. If you think something small can't make a difference, try going to sleep with a mosquito in the room 'I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day, and tomorrow does not look good either.' 'May God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and a big bag of money.' 'Cute but evil. Things even out.' "If you hit me at 30mph, there's an 80 chance I'll live. Hit me at 40mph, and there's an 80 chance I'll die...Please stop trying to hit me." 'Roses are red, His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity. He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age. This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some people are just out of film. Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone. God grant us the senility to forget the people you never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones you do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is definitely not for you. 'School prepares you for the real world, which sucks.' 'It's okay if you want to drop dead.' Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door. You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same. God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made women. So many boys, so many reasons to stay alone. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face. When you’re down I may not be able to pick you back up, but I promise I’ll be willing to lay down right next to you. I hear your silence loud and clear. Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them. The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not. I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor doesn’t exist. If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either. Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are the same number of letters? Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them? There are no stupid questions – just a bunch of inquisitive idiots. Politics is war without bloodshed. War is politics with bloodshed High School Musical 3 and Saw V were the two top movies at the box office when they opened. One depicted gruesome on screen torture. The other was about a guy with a saw. The greener grass on the other side is probably just artificial turf. I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens. I do not deny everything. Sometimes the mind, for reasons we do not necessarily understand, just decides to go the store. Love me or hate me, personally, I couldn't care less. Isn't it ironic . . . we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us. Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. The road to success is always under construction. Basic Definitions of Science: If it's green or wiggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button. Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement. Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate. Children in frontseats can lead to accidents. Accidents in backseats can lead to children. Why do today what you could put off till tomorrow? Education is important, school however, is another matter. Don’t mess with me, I've got a stick. Boys are like Slinky's, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs. Boys are like skateboards, they can go fast but usually they're pretty slow. Boys are like knives, useful but they'll cut you eventually If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving. You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder. You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it. Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't. Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped. Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night." Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. "If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? Help, I've fallen and I can't...Hey nice carpet! Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it? You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too? If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance? There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line. Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive Life is full of disappointments, and I'm full of life! Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. Cheese…Milk's leap toward immortality. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections? Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid? It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths The cops never find it as funny as you do. The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide. Someday my prince will come. He just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions. When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” Don’t answer him Many wise words are spoken in jest, but they don’t compare with the number of stupid words spoken in earnest. When a friend is in trouble, don’t annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed. Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. Guys should be like lattes - rich, strong, and hot. The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music. Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege. Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them. The best things in the world are free -- and worth every penny of it. Psychology. Mind over matter. Mind under matter? It doesn't matter. Never mind. I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere. Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up. Everything here is eatable. Even I'm eatable, but that is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies. Let's flip a coin. Heads, We'll be together, tails, we'll flip again. Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over. Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world? My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil. Why are the Force and ducktape the same? Both have a light and a dark side and hold the universe together. You have to have darkness for a dawn to come. Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason I love you. I was doing fine until I ran out of stars. To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world. Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question. Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed and permanently set. Tell the truth and run. All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative. When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear. I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they go by. Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic ... maybe we should have amateurs build everything. If the sky is the limit, then what is space? Over the limit? Why is it when an adult with the mind of a child is locked up and put in a asylum, while children are allowed to run in the streets? Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in 'mother in law', they come out to 'Woman Hitler'? Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are crazy?? When life hands you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade. Imitation is the most annoying form of flattery. Always forgive our enemies - nothing annoys them so much. If everything seems to be going well, you obviously overlooked something. Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them. Of course I'm talking to myself. Who else can I trust? Let me know if anything I say offends you - I might want to offend you later. One way to figure out how things work: push all the buttons! I smile because I have no idea what's going on. Life was so simple when boys had cooties. I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends. I ran with scissors and lived! I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love. I don't obsess! I think intensely. The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you. When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it. Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it. I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not. Come join the dark side. (We have Edward Cullen) All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies. If you are on fanfiction.net for some other reason than writing pure romance fics or totally rearranging the original story because some slash romance story didn't happen, copy this and paste it onto your profile. My favorite word is sarcasm. It's a matter of life after death-now that he's dead, I have a life Everyone has a wild side-me and my friends just prefer to make them public There are 3 reasons to go through the day: Coffee in the morning, friends in the afternoon, and a good book for the rest of the day. Oops, I appear to have fallen on your lips. Note to Self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines. Somebody needs a Happy Meal. Music is like candy-you throw away the rappers. I would be more scared if you were aiming for the person next to me Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head. My heart is not a playground I find "good morning" a contradiction of terms I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepare to shatter. If annoyed further, I shall spork your eyes out. If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Here's a newsflash Honey, I don't live to please you. Love can come in many different colours. What is easy is not always right, and what is right is not always easy. Arguing with yourself is normal. It’s when you argue with yourself and lose that’s weird -Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes. -Whoever said “Nothings impossible” never tried slamming a revolving door. -Having Draco Malfoy say “We can still be friends” is like having your dog die, and your mom say you can still keep it. -I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse. -I’m not clumsy! The floor just hates me. -I’m so gangsta, I carry a squirt gun. -Anyone can reach the stars. If you can’t reach them, catch one that falls. --Palm Reader: -gasp- “You’re going to die. But don’t worry, you’ll live through it” -The light you see at the end of the tunnel is a headlight of a fast approaching train. -Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES! -They say “Guns don’t kill people, people kill people.” Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don’t think you’d kill too many people. -Break my heart, I break your neck. --“You say I’ve lost my sanity. Well I have news for you. You can’t lose what you never had.”Oops! Did my sarcasm hurt your feelings? If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. -If you can’t join ‘em, bribe ‘em. If you can’t bribe ‘em, blackmail ‘em. If you can’t blackmail ‘em, kill ‘em. If you can’t kill ‘em, you’re screwed If I had no sense of humor then I would have commited suicide long ago - MahatmaGhandi Do not argue with an idiot, he will drag you down to his level and beat you with If ignorance is bliss then you must be orgasmic Why do they put Braille on the drive through bank machines? Do good S&M fans go to hell? If you choke a Smurf what color does it turn? Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, There’s a reason why Claymores say ‘This side towards enemy’ I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they'll be when you kill Some people say 'if you can't beat them, join them'. I say 'If you can't beat If at first you don't succeed...go back and reload the gun Warning: Trespassers will be shot Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat There are few problems that can’t be solved with high explosives If two wrongs don't make a right, try three When I was in the military they gave me a medal for killing two men and a If it's stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid Shoot first, shoot later, shoot again, then when everyone's dead, try to ask a Life with men is like a deck of cards... You need a Heart to love them, a Diamond to marry them, a Club to beat them, and a Spade to bury the bastards Truth is always stranger then fiction. death is but a door...it swings both ways. I like the insanity but stop the stupidity! order is for the stupid true geniuses live in chaos. death is for those with nothing better to do. in the end the world as we know it dosen't exist. This is not something to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown, with great force! Those who live by the sword get shot by those that don't. Never knock on Deaths door: ring the doorbell and run away! He really hates that! When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a party! When life gives you lemons, give them back and demand cash. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup. LOOK MA, NO BRAIN! It takes a big man to cry, but it takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man. Suicide is a way of telling God, "YOU CAN'T FIRE ME,I QUIT!" Death is a way of God telling you not to be a wise guy. If at first you don't succeed, then destroy all evidence that you tried. That which doesn't kill you...will probably try again. Its tourist season, so why can't I shoot them? If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished. Don't play dumb with me, I'll always win. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. Insanity is hereditary, you get it from your kids. They didn't let me out, they just gave me a day pass! 3 kinds of people: those who can count, and those who can't. A day without sunshine, is like, night. According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist. All those who believe in psycho kinesis raise my hand. BAD COP!NO DONUT! Confucius say: "Man who stands on toilet is high on pot!" Corduroy Pillows: they’re making headlines! Do not play leap frog with a unicorn. Elvis has left the planet. Florida: We're number one! Wait! Recount! Gravity is a myth: the Earth sucks. Horn broken: watch for Finger! I have the Body of a god...Buddha... It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Then it's hilarious! I don’t suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it 333 I’m only half evil Don’t take live too seriously. It isn’t permanent I don’t have a drinking problem I get drunk I pass out no problem. Yesterday is another country, Borders are now closed. I’ll be a marshmallow peep, Smash me nuts captain. I don’t play dumb, I always lose. Right now I've got amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. When choosing between two evils I always like to go for the one I've never tried before. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. Be kind to your offspring. They get to choose your nursing home. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques. Cancer cures smoking. Constipated people don't give a crap. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. Do old men wear boxers or briefs? - Depends. Don't steal. The government hates the competition. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. I bet I can stop gambling. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian. Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an idiot. An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less. I’m gonna live forever, or die trying. Honesty is the best policy. But insanity is a better defence. A friend is someone who’s there when he needs you. Maturity is knowing when and where to be immature. To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful. Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law. Never think about the mistakes you made. Think about the mistakes you will make. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars. Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now. Most good judgement comes from experience. Committee – a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours. If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat? Few women admit their age, few men act it. Vegetarians taste better. I do whatever my rice crispies tell me to. Elvis shot JFK. So many people...so few comets. Comfort the disturbed. Disturb the comfortable. A waist is a terrible thing to mind. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. You non-conformists are all alike. Love: Two vowels, two consonants, two fools. Pride is what we have. Pity is what others have. Forget about world peace . . . visualize using your turn signal. Warning: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear. Give me ambiguity or give me something else. We have enough youth, how about a fountain of "smart." Jesus loves you! But everyone else thinks you're an asshole. Spandex: A privilege, not a right. Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. He who laughs last thinks slowest. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else At a nudist wedding everyone can see who the best man is. Caution: I know karate...and six other Chinese words. Change is inevitable. Except from a vending machine. Never visit a doctor who can't keep her office plants alive. Dyslexics of the world unite! Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. Very funny Scotty. Now beam down my clothes. Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word? Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" . . . until you can find a rock. The early bird may get the worm, but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese. Follow your dream! (Unless it's the one where you're at work only wearing underwear during a fire drill.) Forecast for tonight: dark. I always wanted to be a procrastinator but I never got around to it. I don't get even, I get odder. If marriage was outlawed only outlaws would have in-laws. If Noah had been truly wise, he would have swatted those two flies. Don't drink and park. Accidents cause people. If your nose runs and your feet smell you were probably built upside down. I like you but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles. "Auntie Em: Hate you; hate Kansas, taking the dog." - Dorothy Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself. In just two days tomorrow will be yesterday. Last night I played a blank tape full blast. The mime next door went nuts. I'm not broke I'm just having an out of money experience. My inferiority complex is not nearly as good as yours. Ignoring bullshit is wrong, bullshit makes the flowers grow, and that's beautiful. If you can't baffle them with brilliance, befuddle them with bullshit. People will believe anything if you whisper it. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. . I intend to live forever. So far, so good If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough Quantum Mechanics: the stuff dreams are made of Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have 24 hours in a day... 24 beers in a case... coincidence? If you choke a Smurf what color does it turn'? What happens if you get scared half to death twice? Energizer Bunny arrested. Charged with battery For Sale: Parachute. Only used once. Never opened. Small stain OK, so what's the speed of dark'? Black holes are where God divided by zero. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. Someday we'll look back on all this, and plough into a parked car. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he/she isn't there the first time you need them, chances are you won't be needing him/her again. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. Nobody move I’ve dropped my brain” “This is were the fun begins “He broke my heart so I broke his jaw” "You say I’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing” “I may be a cruel heartless bitch but I’m good at it” Isay we shoot Cupid and see how he likes it. Children in the dark make accidents. Accidents in the dark make children. Kids are the future. Be afraid. Be very afraid. I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? Why do people always say life is short? Life is the longest damn thing you can do. Love your enemies. It pisses them off. Oops! Did my sarcasm hurt your feelings? Shut up voices! Or I'll poke you with a Q-tip again! Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to. I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I accept! Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap... you decide To put it nicely, I hope you choke My imaginary friend doesn't like you either I'm hearing voices in my head and they don't like you! funny headlines i found in the internet. Grandmother of eight makes hole in one Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers Milk drinkers are turning to powder Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests Autos killing 110 a day, let's resolve to do better Utah control center reminds everyone not to take poison You are welcome to copy and paste any of these to your profile Now things that i hate. I really really hate facebook. Even though i have one i repent getting one to this day. I really dont give a shit about other people result in some retarded test. Dont recommend it for anyone. Now it's time for some more copy and paste things Normal people VS. YuGiOh fans Normal people: rely on their local weatherman for the weather forecast. YuGiOh fans ; would rather rely on Ishizu for future predictions. Normal people: say OMG! YuGiOh fans ; Say oh my RA ! NORMAL PEOPLE: say shut up or i'll tell on you! YuGiOh fans ; Say shut up or i'll steal seto's checkbook and blame it on you. Normal people ; Think bad guys are very ugly YuGiOh fans ; Know a lot better and absolutely love bakura and marik. Normal people ;when being chased yell HELP ME SOMEBODY! YuGiOh fans ; when being chased yell HELP ME MARIK. NORMAL PEOPLE: get nervous/scared during thunderstorms. YuGiOh fans ; know that their might be a duel between yami yugi and yami bakura , and that some of them might be shirtless. NORMAL PEOPLE: would choose somewhere sunny to go for vacation. YuGiOh fans ; would go directly to Domino city. Normal people ; Would be scared when they see people in purple caots chasing them. YuGiOh fans ; Just know that marik sends his rare hunters to be sure that you are fine. Nomal people ; Get freaked out when they see scary people on motorcycle's YuGiOh fans ; Know a lot better and know that it is marik or Valon the badass australian . Normal people ; Think YugiOh is just a stupid childern's card game YugiOh fans ; Know a lot better and know that it even was in the egyptian past. Normal people ; Think little people are stupid. Yugioh fans : Think that mokuba is way to cute to be stupid. Normal people ; Would never go to an orphanage Yugioh fans ; Know better and go a lot to orphanage to check out if there is someone like seto. Normal people; Think Egypt is stupid Yugioh fans ; Would go immediately to Egypt , because maybe marik is there! normal people ; Would never buy to expensive thing because they might become out of money. Yugioh fans ; Would just kidnap mokuba and force seto to shop with them. If you like this put this on your profile Put this If you think Bakura need's more screen time poste this on your profile Now more things to post if you are a Bakura fangirl
Re-post this if you believe Homophobia is wrong. 1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning. 2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that 3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy 4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed 5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were 6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay 7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight 8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like 9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model 10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could Translations: Japan - English (((not by me!))) Jobun = Foreword Ichi = One Haru = Spring Sayonara = Goodbye Moshi moshi? = Hello? ("Moshi moshi?", is something they say everytime they answer the phone) Oh dear Kami-sama = Oh dear Lord / Oh dear God Nakama = It can mean friend, but has a much stronger meaning to it like: Super-duper-bestest-friend-in-the-whole-wide-world-where-nothing-can-ever-ever-ever-EVER-tear-us-apart... Koibito / Amate = Lover Anata = means 'you' but also can mean 'dear' Koi = Love Koishii = Dearest / Sweetheart Ichizoku = Family or Clan, ex. The Uchiha Ichizoku (The Uchiha Clan) Otou-sama, Otou-san, Otou-chan, Tou-sama, Tou-san, Tou-chan, Chichioya (Chichiue),'Oyaji' = Father, dad, 'Old man' Okaa-sama, Okaa-san, Okaa-chan, Kaa-sama, Kaa-san, Kaa-chan, Hahaoya (Hahaue) = Mother, mom Onii-sama, Onii-san, Onii-chan, Nii-sama, Nii-san, Nii-chan, Aniki, Ani, (Name, ex. Naruto)-nii = Older brother, Big brother, (Ani) brother equally, big brother (Naruto) Onee-sama, Onee-san, Onee-chan, Nee-sama, Nee-san, Nee-chan, (Name, ex. Sakura)-nee = Older sister, Big sister, big sister (Sakura) Otouto-sama, Otouto-san, Otouto-kun, Otouto-chan, Otouto, (Name, ex. Sasuke)-otouto = Younger brother, little brother, baby brother, little brother (Sasuke) Imouto-sama, Imouto-san, Imouto-chan, Imouto, (Name, ex. Hanabi)-imouto = Younger sister, little sister, baby sister, little sister (Hanabi) Ojii-sama, Ojii-san, Ojii-chan, Jii-sama, Jii-san, Jii-chan, 'Oyaji' = Grandfather, 'Old man' Obaa-sama, Obaa-san, Obaa-chan, Baa-sama, Baa-san, Baa-chan, Sobo = Grandmother, Granny, 'Old hag' Oji-sama, Oji-san, Oji-chan, Ji-sama, Ji-san, Ji-chan = Uncle Itoko-sama, Itoko-san, Itoko-kun, Itoko-chan = Cousin Ossan = Old man / Mister Onna = Woman Gaki = Brat -sama = For higher status, ex. Hokage, Clan Head, ex. Tsunade-sama, Hiashi-sama -san = For people you respect, ex. Kakashi-san, or with surname only: Hatake-san -kun = For a boy / man you are familiar with, ex. Sasuke-kun -chan = For a girl woman you are familiar with, also refered to cute, ex. Sakura-chan -sensei = For a teacher, doctor, ex. Iruka-sensei, Tsunade-sensei -taichou = For a captain, ex. Hatake-taichou (Captain Hatake) -shishou = For boss or a teacher in a job, ex. Tsunade-shishou (By Sakura) -senpai = For a senior in school or in a job, ex. Neji-senpai, Deidara-sempai -kouhai (Sp?) = For a junior in school or in a job, ex. Naruto-kouhai Copy and paste this into your profile if when you were young... There were only 150 Pokemon. Digimon was popular. Yugi-Oh actually had Yugi in it. You didn’t get weird looks when you went Trick-or-Treating. Nobody cared what you looked like. Hamtaro ROCKED. Catching a pidgeon was cool. Pirates before Pirates of the Carribean. Nobody knew how to spell 'Volcano'. Pinky and the Brain were cartoon characters, not body parts. Saying 'moron' was a swear word. Fire was considered dangerous. The only thing you had to worry about were cooties. Cursive writing was just a bunch of swirly lines. Multiplication was scary. Dora the Explorer and that goddamned monkey who follows her EVERYWHERE didn't exist. The first Harry Potter was the coolest thing since sliced bread. Texting was done on calculator. North Italy (Feliciano/Veneciano Vargas) (X) You were bullied a lot in your childhood 7/ 10 for Italy South Italy (Lovino/Romano Vargas) (x) You love tomatoes 2/10 for Romano Germany (Ludwig) () You're very stoic and serious 4/10 for Germany Japan (Kiku Honda) (x) You're very mature 2/10 for Japan The United States of America (Alfred F. Jones) (X) You love hamburgers 5/10 for America The United Kingdom of England, Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland (Arthur Kirkland) () You like tea 2/10 for England France (Francis Bonnefoy) (X) You're very affectionate 4/10 for France Russia (Ivan Braginski) (X) You had a very sad childhood. 4/10 for Russia China (Wong Yao) (x) You're very mature 6/10 for China Austria (Roderich Edelstein) () You are very well-raised 7/10 for Austria Canada (Matthew Williams) (X) You're often ignored by people 4/10 for Canada Cuba () You smoke 3/10 for Cuba Hungary (Erszebet Hédeváry) () You have a potty-mouth 6/10 for Hungary Prussia (Gilbert Weillschmidt) () You're quite mean-spirited 5/10 for Prussia The World We Live In... The World We Live In is a pretty amazing place... It's where a man can't walk down the street holding his boyfriends hand without being called names... It's a place where women are highly valued objects... It's where people of different colours are treated like different species... It's a place where we start wars over something we didn't need in the first place... It's where homeless people sleep in the streets, while rich people step over them... It's truly amazing the way we are heating up with our little conveniences, TVs, Cars, computers, just because people are too lazy to get solar panels... It's a place where our role models are only famous because of the people they slept with... It's where old men rule the old women, the young men, the young women, and the children and don't let any new ideas in... It's a special place where it's normal to be overweight... A truly wonderful world where three billion women feel inadequate because the models they look up to have just lost forty kilos thanks to a computer... It truly is a wonderful, wonderful world. Name twelve of your favourite Axis Powers Hetalia characters in any order. 1.Russia 2.Belarus 3.Poland 4.Switzerland 5.Liechstien 6.Latvia 7.Hungary 8.America 9.Canada 10.Austria 11.Italy 12.Japan 1) Have you read a five/ten fic before? I honestly think Switz would kill him. Intresting pairing, though. 2) Do you think three is hot? How hot? Meh, hes ok. 3) What would happen if six got one pregnant? *Twitch* I think that*Shudder* it would be the other way around. 4) Do you recall any good fics about nine? Plenty. 5) Would seven and two make a good couple? Yeah, if Belarus could get over Russia! 6) Four/eight or four/nine? I lean to 4/9. Its cuter that way. 7) What would happen if seven discovered three and eight in a secret relationship? Take pictures. Lots of pictures. 8) Make a summary of at least twenty words for a two/six fic. That... would be wierd Belarus is pining over Russia. But when little Latvia starts to spice up her life, who will she choose 9) Is there such a thing as a four/ten romantic fluff story? I think so 10) Suggest a title for a one/five Hurt/Comfort fic. Oh... wow. I guess " What Lies under the Smile" 11. What kind of plot would you use for a three/eleven fic? Ummm Italys bright look on life draws Poland in? 12. Does anyone on your friends list read number seven het? What about nine slash? Yes and Yes. 13. If you wrote a songfic about number nine, what song would you chose? American Idiot 14. if you wrote a two/three/six fic, what would the warning be? Belarus/Poland/Latvia? Holy Crap! WARNING! CRACK! FOUL LANGUAGE! KNIVES! 15. What pick-up line might eight use on five? "Hey, you wanna hang with a hero? We ca- HOLY CRAP! SWITZERLAD!" 16. Challenge: Write a drabblefic for ten/eight. Austria and Americ? Thats.. Those two.. no 17) What would happen if seven walked in on Two and Twelve having sex? She would take pictures This is a true story. Christmas Day, 1914 My dear sister Janet, It is 2:00 in the morning and most of our men are asleep in their dugouts—yet I could not sleep myself before writing to you of the wonderful events of Christmas Eve. In truth, what happened seems almost like a fairy tale, and if I hadn’t been through it myself, I would scarce believe it. Just imagine: While you and the family sang carols before the fire there in London, I did the same with enemy soldiers here on the battlefields of France! As I wrote before, there has been little serious fighting of late. The first battles of the war left so many dead that both sides have held back until replacements could come from home. So we have mostly stayed in our trenches and waited. But what a terrible waiting it has been! Knowing that any moment an artillery shell might land and explode beside us in the trench, killing or maiming several men. And in daylight not daring to lift our heads above ground, for fear of a sniper’s bullet. And the rain—it has fallen almost daily. Of course, it collects right in our trenches, where we must bail it out with pots and pans. And with the rain has come mud—a good foot or more deep. It splatters and cakes everything, and constantly sucks at our boots. One new recruit got his feet stuck in it, and then his hands too when he tried to get out—just like in that American story of the tar baby! Through all this, we couldn’t help feeling curious about the German soldiers across the way. After all, they faced the same dangers we did, and slogged about in the same muck. What’s more, their first trench was only 50 yards from ours. Between us lay No Man’s Land, bordered on both sides by barbed wire—yet they were close enough we sometimes heard their voices. Of course, we hated them when they killed our friends. But other times, we joked about them and almost felt we had something in common. And now it seems they felt the same. Just yesterday morning—Christmas Eve Day—we had our first good freeze. Cold as we were, we welcomed it, because at least the mud froze solid. Everything was tinged white with frost, while a bright sun shone over all. Perfect Christmas weather. During the day, there was little shelling or rifle fire from either side. And as darkness fell on our Christmas Eve, the shooting stopped entirely. Our first complete silence in months! We hoped it might promise a peaceful holiday, but we didn’t count on it. We’d been told the Germans might attack and try to catch us off guard. I went to the dugout to rest, and lying on my cot, I must have drifted asleep. All at once my friend John was shaking me awake, saying, “Come and see! See what the Germans are doing!” I grabbed my rifle, stumbled out into the trench, and stuck my head cautiously above the sandbags. I never hope to see a stranger and more lovely sight. Clusters of tiny lights were shining all along the German line, left and right as far as the eye could see. “What is it?” I asked in bewilderment, and John answered, “Christmas trees!” And so it was. The Germans had placed Christmas trees in front of their trenches, lit by candle or lantern like beacons of good will. And then we heard their voices raised in song. Stille nacht, heilige nacht . . . . This carol may not yet be familiar to us in Britain, but John knew it and translated: “Silent night, holy night.” I’ve never heard one lovelier—or more meaningful, in that quiet, clear night, its dark softened by a first-quarter moon. When the song finished, the men in our trenches applauded. Yes, British soldiers applauding Germans! Then one of our own men started singing, and we all joined in. The first Nowell, the angel did say . . . . In truth, we sounded not nearly as good as the Germans, with their fine harmonies. But they responded with enthusiastic applause of their own and then began another. O Tannenbaum, o Tannenbaum . . . . Then we replied. O come all ye faithful . . . . But this time they joined in, singing the same words in Latin. Adeste fideles . . . . British and German harmonizing across No Man’s Land! I would have thought nothing could be more amazing—but what came next was more so. “English, come over!” we heard one of them shout. “You no shoot, we no shoot.” There in the trenches, we looked at each other in bewilderment. Then one of us shouted jokingly, “You come over here.” To our astonishment, we saw two figures rise from the trench, climb over their barbed wire, and advance unprotected across No Man’s Land. One of them called, “Send officer to talk.” I saw one of our men lift his rifle to the ready, and no doubt others did the same—but our captain called out, “Hold your fire.” Then he climbed out and went to meet the Germans halfway. We heard them talking, and a few minutes later, the captain came back with a German cigar in his mouth! “We’ve agreed there will be no shooting before midnight tomorrow,” he announced. “But sentries are to remain on duty, and the rest of you, stay alert.” Across the way, we could make out groups of two or three men starting out of trenches and coming toward us. Then some of us were climbing out too, and in minutes more, there we were in No Man’s Land, over a hundred soldiers and officers of each side, shaking hands with men we’d been trying to kill just hours earlier! Before long a bonfire was built, and around it we mingled—British khaki and German grey. I must say, the Germans were the better dressed, with fresh uniforms for the holiday. Only a couple of our men knew German, but more of the Germans knew English. I asked one of them why that was. “Because many have worked in England!” he said. “Before all this, I was a waiter at the Hotel Cecil. Perhaps I waited on your table!” “Perhaps you did!” I said, laughing. He told me he had a girlfriend in London and that the war had interrupted their plans for marriage. I told him, “Don’t worry. We’ll have you beat by Easter, then you can come back and marry the girl.” He laughed at that. Then he asked if I’d send her a postcard he’d give me later, and I promised I would. Another German had been a porter at Victoria Station. He showed me a picture of his family back in Munich. His eldest sister was so lovely, I said I should like to meet her someday. He beamed and said he would like that very much and gave me his family’s address. Even those who could not converse could still exchange gifts—our cigarettes for their cigars, our tea for their coffee, our corned beef for their sausage. Badges and buttons from uniforms changed owners, and one of our lads walked off with the infamous spiked helmet! I myself traded a jackknife for a leather equipment belt—a fine souvenir to show when I get home. Newspapers too changed hands, and the Germans howled with laughter at ours. They assured us that France was finished and Russia nearly beaten too. We told them that was nonsense, and one of them said, “Well, you believe your newspapers and we’ll believe ours.” Clearly they are lied to—yet after meeting these men, I wonder how truthful our own newspapers have been. These are not the “savage barbarians” we’ve read so much about. They are men with homes and families, hopes and fears, principles and, yes, love of country. In other words, men like ourselves. Why are we led to believe otherwise? As it grew late, a few more songs were traded around the fire, and then all joined in for—I am not lying to you—“Auld Lang Syne.” Then we parted with promises to meet again tomorrow, and even some talk of a football match. I was just starting back to the trenches when an older German clutched my arm. “My God,” he said, “why cannot we have peace and all go home?” I told him gently, “That you must ask your emperor.” He looked at me then, searchingly. “Perhaps, my friend. But also we must ask our hearts.” And so, dear sister, tell me, has there ever been such a Christmas Eve in all history? And what does it all mean, this impossible befriending of enemies? For the fighting here, of course, it means regrettably little. Decent fellows those soldiers may be, but they follow orders and we do the same. Besides, we are here to stop their army and send it home, and never could we shirk that duty. Still, one cannot help imagine what would happen if the spirit shown here were caught by the nations of the world. Of course, disputes must always arise. But what if our leaders were to offer well wishes in place of warnings? Songs in place of slurs? Presents in place of reprisals? Would not all war end at once? All nations say they want peace. Yet on this Christmas morning, I wonder if we want it quite enough. Your loving brother, Tom When I read this, it was all I could do to not cry. Copy and paste if you feel the same. |
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