The Yu-Gi-Oh Mary Sue Alphabet was inspired by the brilliant Harry Potter fanfiction "A Mary Sue Alphabet". I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, and I am not trying to insult anyone with this fanfiction. Any resemblance to any fanfictions or characters was NOT deliberate, and I apologize if you feel insulted. (Actually, I kind of insulted myself on the Q one.) And the thing about romance fanfictions was not meant to be insulting. I was just making fun of crack pairings and the fact that Joey and Kaiba don't get along in the show, but are always paired together in fanfiction. I am incredibly sorry if I offended anyone. (I know that there are some really good romance fics out there, but it's so easy to make fun of pairings that I couldn't resist.)
The Yu-Gi-Oh Mary Sue Alphabet:
***
A is for Angela,
Who's run away from home.
She took no possessions
But a magical tome
Which holds all the answers
To all of the plot.
Her parents should want it back,
But apparently not.
And Angela's not on a Missing Persons list
Because social workers don't seem to exist.
***
B's for Brianna,
Kaiba's long lost sister.
He's never mentioned her before,
But supposedly missed her.
And now that she's back
With no explanation,
Brianna's the one
Who runs his corporation.
She's the new king of games,
Even though she's a girl,
And all the reviewers,
Are going to hurl.
***
C is for Casey,
Who's perfect and pretty,
And it's now her job
To win Battle City.
Her deck of cards
Which don't really exist
Is completely unbeatable,
And Marik is pissed.
Her story's amazing,
With one minor flaw:
The Pharaoh does nothing
But stand there in awe.
***
D is for Diana
A goddess from Rome,
Who's taken the characters
To her Olympian home.
Where adventure is found
As they all save the day,
And though they're all demigods
It's not child's play.
There's action and romance
In this great fanfiction.
But weren't half the characters
Originally Egyptian?
***
E's for Elaina
A princess through and through,
Yet somehow the author
Swears she isn't a Sue.
The author likes Joey,
Elaina's in love.
But Elaina has a duty
to her country to think of.
Elaina and Joey
Still secretly date,
Cause the author insists
Joey is her soul mate.
Elaina dies to save Joey,
She dies in his arms,
And the readers all cheer
Till she wakes up unharmed.
***
F is for Faye,
A magical girl
With sapphire eyes
And long golden curls.
Faye and her Pokémon
Always save the day,
With her shapeshifting powers
Which she always displays.
She's a black belt in karate,
And a gymnastics star,
she's a vampire slayer,
and she plays the guitar.
And even though Faye has
too many powers to recall,
It's a Yu-Gi-Oh fanfic
With no dueling at all.
***
G is for Glory
Of Buffyverse fame.
But somehow I doubt
That she changed her full name
To Gloria Ishtar
And how did she get
To the Yu-Gi-Oh world?
Did the author forget?
And now she's a good guy,
Though she was the Big Bad.
And why is she suddenly
Angsty and sad?
Is it still the same person,
Does anyone care?
A fanfic this bad
Is egregiously rare.
***
H is for Heather,
Who isn't a Sue.
She has character flaws,
And she loses duels too.
Yet somehow the characters
Don't seem to care
That she's selfish and petty
And constantly swears.
And she isn't unbeatable,
She loses a lot.
She just never loses
When it relates to the plot.
She's annoying and mean
But no one can tell
Because past the first paragraph
Is a grammar Hell.
***
I is for Ida,
She isn't a Sue.
Because Sues have some good traits
And something to do.
But Ida's young author was far too afraid
If Ida was perfect
That she would get flamed.
We don't know what she looks like
Or even her age
There's no good things or bad things
Described on the page.
Yet all the reviewers find Ida annoying
Cause all the boys are in love
With a person so boring.
***
J is for Julie
Who's cheerful and glad
Despite having a past that's
So tragic and bad.
Her parents abused her,
Till she ran away,
And she lived in poverty
Until one day
When she ran into Kaiba.
And she learned to duel
Move over Yugi,
Julie totally rules!
Now she's saving the day
And spreading the laughter.
But the canon cast hasn't been seen
Ever since the first chapter.
***
K is for Kitsune,
The magical fox.
But this kitsune's a character.
She totally rocks!
But she's changing the outcome
Of canon events
Just so that she
Can be with her Prince
Charming, which is what
She's nicknamed Marik, who really should be
Really annoyed, but he's OOC.
***
L is for Lilly,
(that's the author's name too),
And the author can't see
She's becoming a Sue.
It was a self-insert
And reasonably good,
Then Lilly started flying
(she didn't know that she could.)
Now she gets new powers
Every hour or two.
It's no wonder that nobody bothers to review.
***
M is for Macie,
Who's only job
Is to fix the things
The author thought were wrong.
Now Joey beat Marik?
Kaiba's king of games?
And the author rarely even thinks to explain
All of the twisted logic
For why these things work.
And no one knows why
Yugi's suddenly a jerk.
***
N is for Natalie,
And down to the last letter
She's just like the author
Only twenty times better.
She sings like an angel,
And has a pet tiger.
The author says it's a self insert.
The author's a liar.
And the only plot relevant thing
That Natalie can do
Is get rescued by the Pharaoh
And have sex with him too.
***
O is for Opal
Master of disguises.
Her job is to kill characters
The author despises.
She's already killed Tristan
While disguised as a clerk.
(The author thinks Tristan
Is really a jerk.)
She's also killed Kaiba,
But nobody minds.
Everyone else loves her,
Even when she reminds
Them that she's an assassin,
But they just can't see
Any reason to hate her
Because they're OOC.
***
P is for Paige,
Who's not really a Sue.
She has good points and bad points,
And weaknesses too.
But nobody's entirely sure who she's fighting:
Marik's kid or Bakura's.
(There's some really bad writing.)
And who is her mother?
Does she have a father?
And where in the heck
Is her ten year old brother?
He was seen in the first chapter
To be out for a stroll.
Maybe he fell into another plot hole.
***
Q is for Quincy
Queen of snarky remarks.
She's a competent duelist,
But afraid of the dark.
She isn't too Sue-some
And the plot is quite clever,
She's found the bad guy's weakness
But it seems that she'll never
Be able to put all that research to use
Because the author has taken
some time off to muse.
Will Quincy and Yugi
Ever rescue their friends?
Not until the author's
Year-long vacation ends.
***
R is for Rachel,
Who's story was great
Till the author decided
It was second-rate.
She's started to change it
Now Rachel and Yugi
Are too busy cutting
To think about dueling
There were three villains
But now there are four.
Cause Joey can't stand
To be good anymore.
If only the author
Had trusted herself,
Kaiba might not have
Found out he's half elf.
***
S for Serenity,
A brand-new OC
She's painfully Sue-ish
As readers can see.
Her Millennium Headband
Is the source of her powers,
And with or without it,
She can kick butt for hours.
Her pink hair is as natural
As her bright golden eyes
Which turn blue when there's danger
And glow when she flies.
If she leaves for two minutes
She's mourned and missed,
While Serenity Wheeler
Doesn't seem to exist.
***
T starts the name
Of an author named Tara
Who's romance fics
are typical of the era.
Cause Tara insists
That Joey and Kaiba are off having sex
While Mai and Mahad date,
Though they've never met.
And even though none of this makes any sense
It's really not much worse than most romance fics.
***
U is for Unity
And we're really can't tell
If she's just a parody
Or the Sue from Hell.
All the guys are in love.
All the girls want her dead.
The readers agree,
As the only review said.
She's reformed all the villains.
There's really no plot.
Her parents are billionaires
And she has her own yacht.
She hates her good looks,
Cause she thinks they're a curse,
And that's just the beginning.
The story gets worse.
***
V is for Valerie.
She's a Villain Sue.
She's clever and evil
And kicks puppies too.
And she rules the world,
The heroes are her slaves.
And they don't fight back
Cause they're just too afraid.
Now all the show's villains
Are banding together
They have to beat Valerie
In order to ever
Achieve their own villainous plans.
Oh, never mind!
They've already lost.
Valerie is clearly
too powerful to be crossed.
And now that Valerie has easily won,
What's left to write about?
The plot is done.
***
W is for Will,
Who I'm sure you agree
Is a great action girl,
This brand-new OC.
She duels really well
As long as no plot
Demands she be helpless,
Which of course she is not.
And she's every bit as heroic
As the villain is cruel.
But has this action girl
Ever won any duel?
***
X is for Xanthe,
Which the author explains
Is actually a real
And quite normal name.
What do you mean she's a Sue?
Of course she's not!
So what if she has a dragon?
It's part of the plot!
And so what if Xanthe
Always seems to win?
It's only because
She's Yugi's long lost twin!
And having six names
Doesn't make her a Sue!
I bet you just wish
You could write this well too!
***
Y is for Yasmin,
A vampire ghost
Who can talk to animals,
But she'd never boast.
She just wants to be normal.
Is that really so bad.
It's this not-being-human
That makes her so sad.
I'm sure you can sympathize,
It's a common woe
To be uber-powerful
As I'm sure you know.
Since she isn't human,
She just can't connect.
(Though you'd think by now she would have
With all the times she's had sex.)
***
Z is for Zanna,
Incorruptibly pure.
And all of the villains
Want to turn this poor
Defenseless Sue into one of them
They offer fame
And power galore,
But Zanna doesn't realize,
Cause she's just that pure.
This goes on for ten chapters,
It's making me sick.
Why the heck am I reading
This stupid fanfic?