![]() Author has written 13 stories for Rise of the Guardians, How to Train Your Dragon, and Ninja Turtles. A note to readers... What you call being "too lazy to review" is what we call "a flame to the pages" as the writers. That one minute or two that you felt "too lazy" to review is another minute of creeping discouragement that all writers feel as they begin to think... "Why am I even here…?" "What's even the point of continuing?" "My skills must be terrible…no one cares for my story…" "I'll never be a good writer...I quit." These are only a few thoughts that go through every writer's head- that go through MY head- when we put out a chapter / story with all our heart and soul within, and we sit there…and sit…and wait…and not a single person says even a word. If you're not a writer, you have NO IDEA how much that hurts… If you ARE a writer, then I'm sure you know just how great it feels when someone is kind enough to leave a heartwarming and encouraging review, and you read it, smiling while thinking…"Wow…I did it…" So, why not give fellow writers the same feelings? Too many times I've seen epic and utterly beautiful works of literary art fall to pieces before finally being abandoned due to the terrible discouragement that the lack of reviews can cause. Sometimes, it is so severe that the very writer himself decides to quit, denying the world his skills of writing that I'm it would have deeply enjoyed. So… Just one minute, that's all it takes. Just a few gentle taps of the fingers on your keyboard, a few seconds or so of your time, and your words can SAVE a writer from a dark demise. Do me a favor: Go find a story, ANY story, anywhere here on Fanfic,net, and see if you can help it. If it has very little / no reviews at all, just check it out, and say whatever comes to mind. And enjoy the thought in mind that you could have just SAVED that story, with just a few taps of the keyboard… If you agree with what I have said then please copy and paste any part of this story you wish onto your profile. Modify it in any way you see fit; there is no need to use my exact words. You make it say what you want it to say The 27 Commandments of Fanfiction 1. Thou shalt not post a fic until it has been checked for grammar and spelling errors. The fanfiction gods hath given you a spellchecker on the computer for good reason. Use it. 2. Thou shalt not post a chapter of less than 100 words, unless it is a drabble. This displeases the masses. 3. Thou shalt not put author's notes in the middle of the story. 4. Thou shalt NEVER use text-speak in a fic, unless the characters are actually texting. 5. Thou shalt keep to one tense, and only one, throughout the story. Do not switch randomly. 6. Apply the above number 5 to POVs as well. 7. Thou shalt not get offended when someone makes fun of the crack pairing featured in your fanfiction. It probably is rather hilarious. 8. Thou shalt not use :) , ;D , or :( in a fanfiction to show the emotion exhibited by a character. 9. Thou shalt try-eth to keep characters in character! 10. Thou shalt not treat every criticism as a flame. 11. The author's note is not a spot for your personal drama, and thou shalt not make it so. 12. Thou shalt not put any form of the phrase "first fic" in thy summary. 13. Thy created characters must not have names that exceed five syllables in length. Nor shall thy name have more than five words in length. 14. Thou shalt not insert thyself into the story line as thyself or as a character- yes we know that you are in love with yourself and are very narcissistic, we just don’t want to read about how you end up with the main character. 15. If thou art writing a story that does not follow the original story line, point it out in the beginning. 16. Thou shall not make a person randomly smart or powerful unless stating a reason for the change (a good reason). 17. Thou shalt show and not tell. 18. Thou shalt not EVER use the phrase "I suck at summaries" in-est thine summary. This annoys thine readers. 19. Thou shalt not write the same way thou speak-est - writing is an art. 20. Thou shalt ALWAYS spell the word "okay" correctly. Using the letter "K" is an unacceptable compromise. 21. Thou shalt only use clichés when thou a) art writing a parody or b) find a new and interesting twist to make such clichés bearable to thine reader. 22. Thou shalt always separate dialogue from two separate speakers in two separate paragraphs. Otherwise thine readers shalt be confuse-ed. 23. Thou shalt not EVER make a chapter all one paragraph. THIS INFURIATES BOTH THINE READER AND THE FANFICTION GODS. They have given thee an ENTER key with good reason. 24. Thou shalt not write with thy caps lock on, it displeases the masses and causes thy readers to lose their vision and make angels weep. 25. Thou shalt know how to spell the character's names correctly before you writeth the fic. Misspelling the name of the main characters makes readers angry and distracts from the story. It will also create Minis. Mini-Balrogs, Mini-Aragogs, Mochi Nations - whatever it is, the Mini will hate you. (Look up 'Mini-Balrog' if this sentence confuses you.) 26. Thou shalt not say in thine summary "summary inside". This shows lack of creativeness and infuriates the masses. The only exception is when a summary is cut short and a continuation of it lies inside. 27. Thou shall use paragraphs and space the story so it is not terrifyingly daunting to thine readers. In Remembrance... …In Remembrance to Severus Snape…. ….A Slytherin who died like a Gryffindor… ...without all the red and gold rubbish. …In Remembrance to Fred Weasley… …Who fought bravely to the very end…. …And whose jokes will forever brighten his other half… …And will loyally await his soul mate and brother… … with many jokes… ...he's got forever to think of them, right? …In Remembrance to Dobby… …Who was more free and full of love… ...than any elf, and most humans. ….In Remembrance to Remus J. Lupin…. ...the last real Marauderer... …who was not just a wonderful father… ….an incredible husband and brave hero… ...as well as a freakin' awesome werewolf. ….In Remembrance to Nymphadora Tonks… …who died for ‘the greater good’… ...and would probably hex me for calling her Nymphadora. …In Remembrance of Alastor ‘Mad-Eye’ Moody…. …whose motto ‘constant vigilance’ kept him alive… ...and scared the crap out of some kids too. …In Remembrance of Tom Marvelo Riddle a.k.a. Voldemort…. …who was pretty cool, and cute when he was younger… …but who got his ass thoroughly kicked in the end. …In Remembrance of Albus Dumbledore… …whose past and wisdom confused us… …whose seeming betrayal shocked us… …but actually who turned out to be an okay guy in the end... ...despite the whole 'almost killing Harry' thing. ...In Remembrance to Bellatrix Lestrange… … because it was awesome how Molly slapped her with that Avada Kedavra! ...she deserved everything she got and more... …In Remembrance of Colin Creevey… …who we really didn’t know too well… …but took a lot of pictures and died fighting in a war… …so he must’ve done something good… …besides stalking Harry. …In Remembrance of Hedwig… ...Harry's actual first friend… ...who lived and died soaring ...In Remembrance to Sirius Black... ...Who never got to walk free... ...Who had to live with a crazy house elf and screaming portrait for a year... ...And who had to get killed by a curtain. Please repost this if you are for gay marriage. Top Ten Reasons Why Gay Marriage Is Wrong: 1) Being gay is not natural. Real American's always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning. 2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall. 3)Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behaviour. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and 4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal. 5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed. 6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children. 7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children. 8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America. 9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children. 10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans. THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR: 1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, 2) STAND silent and motionless in the 3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt 4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake 5) MEOW occasionally. 6) STARE At another passenger for a 7) SAY -DING at each floor. 8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And 9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone 10) STARE, grinning at another passenger 11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look 12) TRY to make personal calls on the 13) DRAW a little square on the floor 14) WHEN there's only one other person 15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they 16) ASK if you can push the button for 17) HOLD the doors open and say you're 18) DROP a pen and wail until someone 19) BRING a camera and take pictures of 20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant 21) SWAT at flies that don't exist. 22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it. DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: PRESBYTERIAN: ASTRONOMER: DESPERATION: THE EYES: GEORGE BUSH: THE MORSE CODE: SLOT MACHINES: ANIMOSITY: ELECTION - RESULTS: SNOOZE ALARMS: A DECIMAL POINT: THE EARTHQUAKES: ELEVEN PLUS TWO: AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE: MOTHER-IN-LAW: 'Fanfiction' 7 AM waking up in the morning Gotta write more, gotta write more chapters Gotta check the archive, is anything new? Seeing all the new stories my head is rushin' Time's passing by with more and more updates but I have to write Chapter 13 I got a PM! Should I answer it now? Should I answer it later? I really wanna answer but, I need to write! This is Fanfiction, Fanfiction, always busy on Fanfiction Everybody's always looking forward to an update, update Fanfiction, Fanfiction, always busy on Fanfiction Everybody's always reading stories Fanfiction, Fanfiction, yay! Fanfiction, Fanfiction, yay! It's so much fun, but, when is this person updating? 7:45 I'm back to writing Writin' so fast my hand's going numb Readers, readers, think about the readers They want an update I had an, idea I think my readers will like this I got this, I got this Now I know it Should I answer it now? Should I answer it later? I really wanna answer but, I need to write! This is Fanfiction, Fanfiction, always busy on Fanfiction Everybody's always looking forward to an update, update Fanfiction, Fanfiction, always busy on Fanfiction Everybody's always reading stories Fanfiction, Fanfiction, yay! Fanfiction, Fanfiction, yay! It's so much fun, but, when is this person updating? Yesterday I wrote Today I will write My readers are so excited They're so excited I hope they'll love this new chapter! Tomorrow, I'll read And then I'll write some more And remember always use proper grammar! Should I answer it now? Should I answer it later? I really wanna answer but, I need to write! This is Fanfiction, Fanfiction, always busy on Fanfiction Everybody's always looking forward to an update, update Fanfiction, Fanfiction, always busy on Fanfiction Everybody's always reading stories Fanfiction, Fanfiction, yay! Fanfiction, Fanfiction, yay! It's so much fun, but, when is this person updating? Pledge to the Gods I promise to remember Ares WHAT AM I? PREP You own a cell phone. You own something from Abercrombie You own something from Pacsun You own something from Hollister You own something from American Eagle You love/like going to the mall. You own an iPod/MP3 player. You love Starbucks. You have been called a brat. You hate buying things that are on sale. You have more than one house. Total: 3/11. GOTHIC Black is one of your favorite colors. You have thoughts about death. You wear chains. You like heavy metal You've shopped at Hot Topic. You have worn black lipstick. Your hair was/is dark. You dislike preps. You're an atheist/ satanist/agnostic. Total: 4/9. PUNK You can skateboard You've worn plaid. You like Converse You hate MTV You have/had blue, pink, red, purple, or green hair. You dislike pink. You hate/dislike preps You wear/wore skateboarding shoes. Total: 2/8. GEEK You love the computer. You like Harry Potter You are supposed to wear glasses/contacts You get straight A's. You love/like reading You were/are in band You don't care what you look like. You have a curfew. You always do your homework. You never miss school unless you're sick. Total: 8/10 EMO You cut yourself over depression You have been depressed You have black rimmed glasses. You like the band Evanescence You cry easily You like emo music. You hate being called emo. You keep/have kept a journal/diary. You have written a sad poem You think emo chicks/guys are hot Total: 0/10. GHETTO/GANGSTA You like rap. You are/was in a gang. You wear/wore rubberbands in your pants. You swear once in a while or alot You have freestyled. You have worn high tops with the tongue flipped out. You can break dance Total : 0/7 HARDCORE/SCENE You like loud music You love/loved the Ninja Turtles You never walk anywhere. You wear slip-on shoes. You wear/wore Vans. You like the band Panic! at the Disco You wear band t-shirts. People have called you a freak and meant it. You love to "hardcore" dance Hair has been dyed more than 1 color Total: 4/10 ATHLETIC You watch/watched the Superbowl. You own track shoes or other sports related shoes. You collect your jerseys. You have a wall or shelf dedicated to your trophies / awards You have posters or plaques of famous athletes. Your garage consists of sports equipment You belong/belonged to a school team. You are going/did go to a sports summer camp You have a specific number Total: 0/9. YOUR GUY SIDE: You love hoodies. You love jeans. Dogs are better than cats. It's hilarious when people get hurt You've played with/against boys on a team. Shopping is torture. Sad movies suck. You own/owned an X-Box. Played with Hotwheel cars as a kid. At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter. You own/owned a DS, PS2 or Sega. You used to be obsessed with Power Rangers. You watch sports on TV. Gory movies are cool. You go to your dad for advice. You own like a trillion baseball caps. You like going to high school football games. You used to/do collect football/baseball cards. Baggy pants are cool to wear. It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people. Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors. You love to go crazy and not care what people think. Sports are fun. Talk with food in your mouth. Sleep with your socks on at night TOTAL: 6/25. YOUR GIRL SIDE: You wear lip gloss/chapstick. You love to shop. You wear eyeliner. You wear the color pink. You go to your mom for advice. You consider cheerleading a sport. You hate wearing the color black. You like hanging out at the mall. You like getting manicures and/or pedicures. You like wearing jewelry. Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe. Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies. You don't like the movie Star Wars. You were in gymnastics/dance. It takes you around/ more one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up. You smile a lot more than you should. You have more than 10 pairs of shoes. You care about what you look like. You like wearing dresses when you can. You like wearing perfume. You love the movies. Used to play with dolls as little kid. Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy/joke of it. Like being the star of everything. TOTAL: 6/24. Fire 0/10 Water 6/10 Earth 3/10 Air: 7/10 One Hundred and One Random Quips 1) “Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.” 2) “I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.” 3) “I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.” 4) “Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.” 5) “Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.” 6) “We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.” 7) “Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.” 8) “The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.” 9) “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.” 10) “If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.” 11) “Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.” 12) “We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.” 13) “War does not determine who is right - only who is left.” 14) “Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.” 15) “Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.” 16) “Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.” 17) “My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.” 18) “Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.” 19) “The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.” 20) “Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.” 21) “Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.” 22) “If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...” 23) “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.” 24) “If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.” 25) “If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?” 26) “If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.” 27) “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.” 28) “How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?” 29) “A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..” 30) “Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.” 31) “Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?” 32) “A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.” 33) “I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.” 34) “Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.” 35) “Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?” 36) “I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian” 37) “A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.” 38) “I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.” 39) “I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?" 40) “The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.” 41) “Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?” 42) “The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.” 43) “God must love stupid people. He made SO many.” 44) “Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.” 45) “Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.” 46) “Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.” 47) “Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.” 48) “Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?” 49) “Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.” 50) “You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.” 51) “The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!” 52) “A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.” 53) “The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” 54) “Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.” 55) “Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.” 56) “It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.” 57) “Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.” 58) “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.” 59) “He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.” 60) “A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.” 61) “We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.” 62) “Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.” 63) “My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.” 64) “Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.” 65) “When in doubt, mumble.” 66) “I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.” 67) “I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” 68) “Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.” 69) “A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying." 70) “Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.” 71) “Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.” 72) “My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.” 73) “Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.” 74) “Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.” 75) “I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.” 76) “I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.” 77) “I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.” 78) “I always take life with a grain of salt ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.” 79) “Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.” 80) “There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.” 81) “I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.” 82) “You're never too old to learn something stupid.” 83) “When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.” 84) “You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.” 85) “I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well." 86) “Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.” 87) “If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut.” 88) “With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.” 89) “To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.” 90) “A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.” 91) “Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.” 92) “A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.” 93) “If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?” 94) “Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.” 95) “If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!” 96) “A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.” 97) “Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here." 98) “Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.” 99) “If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.” 100) “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe.” 101) "Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity." |