A/N: Yes, this story is still updating! I will see it through til the end! (3 more chaps to go - thank you for your patience!). I do want to note that a more properly-edited, cleaner version of this fic exists on ao3. It's just much easier to edit chapters on that site. The story itself is exactly the same, but has been cleaned up a lot and is just more polished overall. I'll still post the last three chapters on here as well, though.

Also: sexual content warning for this chapter. Please note that the fic is still rated T, and will remain so through the end, so the sexual content will not be explicit, but some may still not be comfortable and may prefer to avoid it or even the whole chapter. The content is in the second to last scene this chapter, the one that begins with "They break off after lunch."

Chapter Twenty: Brimming (Winter Break 2 - part 1)

He stops in front of Rin, the hotpot in his hands like a buffer between them. He might just drop it. His heart thunders in his chest, making his hands weak.

"Hi," Rin says. "What's that you got there?" He's smiling so wide. Haruka's pulse beats up into his ears.

"Hotpot," Haruka says, barely hearing himself. He jerks his chin toward the door. "It's unlocked."

Rin opens the door for them, steps inside first. Haruka toes off his shoes and goes around him to the kitchen. Rin's socked feet pad along behind him. He stops in front of the fridge, and Rin opens it for him so he can put the hotpot inside.

He's here. He's here, he's here, he's here.

He slips off the oven mitts, his hands a little shaky, and places them on the counter. The kitchen is dark, lit only by the fridge, its door still open. It's chilly, but Haruka feels warm. Jittery and excited, and finally his hands are empty, and Rin is right there.

"Hi," he says back, and then he takes Rin's face and kisses him.

Rin's mouth is as good as he remembers, his lips as good, his hands coming up to hold Haruka's waist as good. Kissing Rin is just as good as he remembers it being. Better, because right now it's a release – months of longing and aching for this, and now it's real and warm and it tastes like Rin and smells like Rin and the little gasps are Rin Rin Rin.

When he's out of breath and Rin is as well, when their foreheads are pressed together and his eyes are closed, and he feels Rin's breath wash against his lips, he says, "I missed you."

Rin chuckles, draws him closer, arms going all the way around his back. He nestles his face into Haruka's neck and says, "I missed you, too."

"How long are you staying?"

"Until the second."

"No, I mean tonight."

Rin presses a kiss to Haruka's neck, then one higher, then one right below his ear, making Haruka shiver – a delicious sensation. "I'll stay the night, if you want me to."

Haruka draws back slightly, and Rin turns his head to meet his eyes. "I want you to," Haruka says. And then his hands are on Rin's face again, and his lips are on Rin's lips.

How did he once have such a hard time doing this? Kissing Rin is the easiest thing in the world, the rightest. They smile against each other's mouths, and Haruka is brimming.

Upstairs, in his bedroom, the space heater slowly starting to warm the place up, they kiss slowly. A languid rediscovery of each other, hands sliding over backs, down arms, cupping jaws and carding through hair. They've hardly said anything other than their greeting downstairs, just a few laughed words as they made their way upstairs, fingers tangled. Haruka doesn't want to do anything right now but kiss Rin.

Fingers fumble at his neck, dip just below the line of his shirt. "You're wearing it," Rin says in a rush of breath against his mouth. Haruka looks down to see the necklace slip through Rin's fingers before landing with a gentle thump against his chest.

"You asked me to."

Rin smiles like Haruka has given him the world. But for Haruka, his entire world has just been lit up again.

Later still, when they're lying on top of the blankets, the room toasty warm and Haruka's eyelids heavy, they mumble out a conversation.

"Gou got a haircut," Rin says. He plays with a lock of Haruka's hair, eyes fixed on it, his gaze dull with fatigue. Haruka struggles to keep his own eyes open.

"What's it like?"

"Shorter. Shoulder-length." Rin huffs out a laugh, expression brightening for a moment. "I thought there was a stranger in the house when I first saw her. She hit me when I said that."

Haruka chuckles, turns his face into the pillow. The light tug at his scalp continues.

"I told her I'd get you and Makoto to come over tomorrow," Rin says.

Haruka turns his face back out of the pillow. Rin's smile is sleepy but somehow still vibrant.

"That sounds fun."

"Mm," Rin hums. He releases Haruka's hair, slides his hand behind Haruka's head, and moves in.

Haruka meets him halfway for another slow kiss. As tired as he is, it rekindles him, the easy slide of lips, teasing hints of tongue. Kissing Rin will never be boring, will always make him feel somewhat molten, like the blood through his veins is catching fire. A persistent, emboldening heat.

In the months they've been apart and he's felt himself becoming a different person, he must have become a bolder person, because he slides a leg between Rin's, maneuvers himself up above Rin, elbows on either side of Rin's head and Rin's thigh between his own.

Rin lets him, tipping his head back as Haruka kisses him into the pillows. He shifts his leg down and out, so Haruka can slip into the space between his thighs. And Haruka does, lying right against him, reveling in how real and solid Rin is beneath him, after so many months of digital conversations.

Bodies pressed together like this, Haruka doesn't feel a thrill, but the heat rolling through him feels hotter, more engulfing. A burn that starts low and gradually reaches a boil. Rin's hands travel down his back, then grip gently, tentatively, at his hips.

Haruka's thoughts muddle. He realizes Rin's breaths are shorter, quicker. More, he thinks, nosing at Rin's neck, opening his mouth against Rin's adam's apple, sucking eagerly. Rin's skin is hot and his throat vibrates as he moans, and a thrill shoots through Haruka from his toes straight to the tips of his ears.

And then Rin's hands tighten against his hips. He turns his head away, rolls Haruka off of him. Before Haruka can question it, Rin slings an arm over him, pulling him close. His face ends up pressed to Rin's chest, and Rin nuzzles against the crown of his head.

And through his surprise and his disappointment, Haruka understands: Rin is being careful for the both of them. Making sure Haruka's adrenaline doesn't make him do anything he'd regret.

As that adrenaline starts to wear off, cooling in Haruka's veins, he finds himself grateful. He burrows his face closer to Rin's chest, warm and content, hopelessly infatuated.

They eat the leftover hotpot for breakfast the next morning, quiet at the table, still lost in a haze of sleepiness. Their chopsticks clink gently against the pot as they pick out pieces of noodle and shrimp and vegetables, their spoons clink as they slurp up broth.

"Didn't you used to feed those cats?" Rin says through a full mouth, voice still rough. He rubs the crust from the corner of one eye with his knuckle.

"A while ago," Haruka says. He reaches out to smooth a lock of hair that bends out at a crazy angle from Rin's head.

"They don't come around any longer?" Rin asks, almost yawning.

Haruka shrugs, picking up his spoon again. "I haven't seen them in a while."

After they're done eating, after Haruka has washed the dishes, he says to Rin, "I told the twins I'd return this today. Come with me."

Bundled up, they walk over with the pot and the oven mitts. Mrs. Tachibana opens the door, and when the twins hear her greet Rin, they come racing from the depths of the house to collide with him, arms going around his waist and squeals of delight cutting the last remnants of sleep straight out of Haruka's head.

"Hi, twerps," Rin says fondly, flicking each gently on the forehead. They grin at him as though Christmas has come again.

When Haruka, Rin, and Makoto walk around up along the hilly paths a few minutes later, it reminds Haruka of a year ago when they saw the sunrise on New Year's Day. There are still a few more days left this year, but the feeling of newness is the same. The hush, the smell of cold, the washed out hue of everything. It isn't snowing and most of what fell has already melted or been trampled to slush, but Haruka senses more on the horizon.

Rin's hand bumps into his; their fingers brush. Haruka's tempted to just take Rin's hand and lace their fingers together, because Makoto knows and is fine with it, but Rin doesn't know that Makoto knows, and maybe Haruka should have mentioned something?

"For the record," Makoto's saying, while Rin snickers along, "being able to ask where to find stuff in the grocery store is a pretty big accomplishment. The shop keeper even said my English was good, so there."

"I'm very impressed," Rin says, only slightly teasing. Their noses are pink, laughter puffing white from their mouths. "Haru," Rin says. "If you were somewhere and had to ask in English for the mackerel, what would you do?"

"Mackerel," Haruka says in English, and Rin and Makoto laugh at him, and he starts laughing too.

They end up taking the train to Rin's, sleepiness stealing back in as the tracks rattle along beneath them and the carriage bumps and jolts.

"Don't worry," Rin says, as they yawn in a one-two-three procession getting off at the station, "Gou gets up late and makes breakfast, so there'll be food to wake us up."

He's right – as soon as they step inside the Matsuoka house, it smells a little bit sweet, a little bit savory. Even with a full stomach, Haruka's mouth waters. Makoto lets out a moan that can only be described as longing, and says, "I smell sausage. Is she making English breakfast?"

"American," comes Gou's voice, right before she sticks her head out of the kitchen. She waves them in with a spatula. "You guys are late, but good thing, because I woke up late too."

Rin kicks off his shoes and lumbers into the house, the lazy ease of someone who's exactly where they're meant to be: home. Even this warms Haruka, leaves a flurry of fondness in his chest.

"You didn't give me a time to be home by," Rin says, passing Gou by. "All you said was breakfast." A yelp comes from inside the kitchen. "It isn't done yet?!"

Gou rolls her eyes, then beckons the others in again. "Hurry up. I need help finishing."

The kitchen is hot, a combination of the heating and the stove working hard, all burners go. There are pancakes, there are eggs, there's bacon and sausage, there are potatoes.

Makoto lets out another low moan, and Gou says, spatula brandished, "Don't touch anything unless you're cooking it."

Rin plucks a piece of bacon off of a plate, and swiftly gets a smack on the hand. The spatula leaves behind a shine of grease, but Rin just jumps away with a grin, bacon hanging out of his mouth.

"It smells delicious," Haruka says.

Gou smiles at him. "Thanks! How about you cut up the fruit?"

Rin snickers, until Gou says to him, "You. Toast. Chop chop, hungry boy."

"Never call me that again," Rin says, taking up his post in front of the toaster.

Gou spins toward the stove, her hair just brushing her shoulders, and starts flipping the potatoes with gusto. Haruka steps up to the counter and starts cutting.

Makoto says to Gou, "Your haircut looks nice, by the way." Haruka makes a sound of agreement.

"Thank you!" Gou says, turning once more to smile at the two of them, but flashing a dangerous look toward Rin. "I'm glad someone still finds me recognizable."

Rin shrugs, sticking four slices of bread in the toaster while eyeing the fruit Haruka's cutting. "What did you expect? You've had long hair for like, a million years."

"What can I do to help?" Makoto asks eagerly.

"Come make more pancakes. I think we're going to need twice this much."

Makoto bounces over to the stove and starts mixing more batter. Rin slouches over to Haruka and tries to pluck a slice of apple from the cutting board, but Haruka bumps him away by the hip.

The sounds of cooking and the sounds of bickering – mostly Rin and Gou's – fill the kitchen with a third source of warmth. To Haruka, it's the warmth of being right where he's supposed to be. Here, with his friends, making breakfast on the weekend. This is home.

When they finally sit down at the table, Rin with two pieces of sausage in his mouth before he's even all the way in his chair, Gou lets out a sigh. Not heavy. Accomplished.

She smiles around at them all, at the table full of food they've made, at the little family they are.

"It's good to be together like this again," she says softly.

Makoto smiles first, then Haruka.

Rin says, "What about Nagisa and Rei? Should I tell them Haru and Makoto are your favorites?"

Gou flings a piece of potato across the table at him. It bounces off his chest and lands in his lap.

With a devilish grin, Rin says, "Sweet, thanks," and sticks it in his mouth.

It's a morning that passes with more laughter, that flows into an afternoon spent sprawled in the living room in front of the television, the hours moving both fast and slow. It's a day spent in the way Haruka wishes he could spend every one, in the comforting presence of those he cares about most.

It's dark at the station later, and chilly, Rin and Haruka the only two there. Makoto left earlier, tasked with grocery shopping, and Haruka stayed until night fell.

His and Rin's coats are zipped to their chins, hoods pulled up around their ears. They're right outside the glow of one of the lights, lips locked as they wait for Haruka's train to arrive. Nobody's around, sheltered in their homes at this time of night and this cold weather, but even if there were a few other commuters out, Haruka and Rin are hardly discernible in their layers of clothing.

Rin's nose is cold against Haruka's cheek but his mouth is hot, and heat flows through Haruka, a pleasant current of it tingling in his toes, his fingers, the backs of his knees. He feels less shy than he ever has, kissing Rin out in the open like this.

They break apart for just a moment to laugh breathily against each other's lips, and then tilt their heads the other way and go back in. They're as close as they can get but it feels farther with their puffy jackets between them.

Rin slides his hands up to cup Haruka's face as he pulls back. Haruka lets them be separated, lets Rin smile softly at him and kiss him again, chaste and sweet, before standing beside him and linking their arms together to finish their wait.

Haruka doesn't mind, especially not here and especially not now, but he wonders how long Rin is going to keep stopping them.

"I'm busy tomorrow," Rin says, breath trailing white into the night. "Family stuff."

"That's good. You should spend as much time with them as you can."

"The day after, Makoto and Nagisa and I were thinking of hanging out in Iwatobi. Gou too, because she'd say she had nothing better to do and would tag along."

Haruka raises his eyebrows at Rin. "Do you two bicker more than before?"

"What? No. I don't think so."

Haruka chuckles. "You missed her."

"Ew, Haru. She's like, such a bossy pants." But Rin smiles softly too, looks out over the empty tracks. "Yeah, I missed her. Whenever I'm back here, it's like I still miss it. Like there's never enough time for it to sink in that I'm back."

He glances at Haruka, then darts in to kiss his cheek. An ember pops in Haruka's stomach. All this kissing. All this affection. It's so much, in the best way. He's discovering he loves it more than he ever thought possible.

"I missed you too," Rin says.

Haruka's grinning full-blown now. "You've already said that."

"Yeah, well." Rin shrugs, but his smile is giddy, shy, excited.

He's my boyfriend, Haruka thinks, and the ember sparks and glows, its heat shivering through him. A train horn in the distance, and then the warning bells chime. The train arrives with a howl of its horn. Haruka keeps his arm linked with Rin's until the train comes to a full stop.

"I'll see you soon," Haruka says. He brushes their fingers together, catches Rin's eye. Is struck almost breathless by the way Rin looks at him – affection so boundless and so unguarded, it awes Haruka to be the subject of it.

He steps onto the train and turns to look at Rin through the window. Smiles when Rin smiles, and waves when Rin waves. The train starts to move, but he feels a piece of himself staying behind on the platform.

He thinks it again, amazed, proud, thrilled at the truth of it: Rin is my boyfriend.

The whole gang minus Rei meets up for a game of beach soccer a couple of days later. The water is a frigid gray and the sand has no warmth to it. Nagisa toes into it, shivers, and quickly puts his sock and shoe back on.

Undeterred, Rin says, "Me and Nagisa against you dorks!" and punts the soccer ball down the beach, running after it a moment later and kicking up a spray of sand. It's a hilarious image, because with the air as cold as the sea and sand, they're all bundled up in puffer jackets and mittens, scarves looped twice and thrice around their necks. Rin resembles a sort of multi-colored snowman as he careens after the ball.

Gou muses out loud, "Why would he want Nagisa on his team?" and Nagisa gives her an injured look.

"I am so athletic, Gou-chan."

"I think he can just tell none of the rest of us want to play," Makoto says, a little forlornly. He hunches in on himself as another brisk breeze sails over the ocean.

Haruka turns to his team and says, "The sooner we lose, the sooner we can go to lunch."

Gou grins and Makoto nods seriously. Nagisa, who still hasn't gone off after Rin, says, "I'm holding you to that, Haru-chan." He jogs toward where Rin is peeling off two layers of jackets for a pair of goal markers. Gou reluctantly divests herself of her scarf, while Makoto drops his hat into the sand.

It's a game played with joints stiffened by the cold, with breath that billows white into the cold, with shouts that dissipate into the cold. It's very, very cold, but Rin's enthusiasm warms them all up, or at least it'd make it seem pitiful if they didn't try to play a little bit.

Why he's so enthusiastic about beach soccer in the middle of winter, Haruka isn't really sure. Maybe it's that his vacation is short, as always, and this is precious time with all of them, and it wouldn't be Rin if he wasn't doing something ridiculous.

As the clouds remain stagnant overhead and the ocean glints a malevolent gray, their shouts spread far and wide in the thin winter air. And, like last year, Haruka finds himself warming up despite the chilly sand that steadily fills his shoes.

"Come on, don't tell me you all were only athletic for the swim club!" Rin calls, dribbling the ball around Makoto and heading Gou's way.

He's a little bit full of it, because each side has only scored one point, and everyone is panting hard, cheeks warm. Gou buckles down, defending the goal, a glint of focus in her eyes. Rin shoots, and the ball rockets straight for her at an almighty speed.

"Gou-chan!" Nagisa dives heroically in front of her, getting a soccer ball to the stomach and then splaying in the sand, sending grit flying. Through a wince, he says up to Gou, "I saved your life."

"Oh, calm down, goofball," Gou says, hands on her hips. Then, at Rin, a finger brandished his way: "You. Tell me that wasn't a head shot to my head."

"Uh, that wasn't a head shot to your head?"

Gou makes a noise of affront, punts the ball down the field, and the game carries on. It's easy to forget about the cold when you're having fun.

But losing against Rin is easier said than done. Or, it's easy to do, but not easy to try to do, if you're Haruka. When he gets the ball, Rin's there, and when Rin gets the ball, he's there. They're like magnets drawn together in endless competition, but unlike magnets that only attract until they reach that invisible barrier and then repel, he and Rin smash together in their competition.

Ankles knocking, feet tripping feet. Haruka remembers the same beach one whole year ago, remembers the cold thrill of catching Rin's eye and not wanting to, the feeling of something shifting between them and wanting so hard to stop it.

And now he thrills for it. For the jostle of their bodies, elbows dug into sides, Rin in only a windbreaker (Is he showing off? Haruka wonders, with a smugness he wouldn't have possessed only months ago). He thrills for the electric flash of Rin's teeth, for the laugh that laces Rin's exertion-heavy breaths, for the competition that is still very much alive between them in everything and anything.

He thrills for Rin, all the rough, physical force of him.

He steals the ball. Rin steals it back, performs a feint, lets out a whooping laugh when Haruka falls for it. He tries to dribble past, but Haruka slides his foot out, slipping in the sand.

Their legs tangle.

Rin falls heavy, with a whump that's part sand cushioning his landing, and part breath rushing out of him. Gou cackles with laughter. Rin rolls onto his back, blowing air through his lips and scrubbing sand off of his face, before blinking up at Haruka with eyes rounded in surprise.

Deja-vu again, another gray day, sweat beading on Rin's forehead just like it is now.

"Was that on purpose again?" Rin asks. So he remembers that other winter, too. Remembers falling to the sand and lying there complaining.

Haruka exhales the softest of a laugh and holds his hand out. Rin doesn't hesitate, just grabs on right away, lets himself be pulled up, their palms warm together.

"It wasn't on purpose the first time," Haruka says. Rin laughs gracelessly and shoves his shoulder. Their fingers slide apart, but only after staying connected a moment or two too long. Warmth spirals through Haruka's body. He feels it high in his cheeks, feels it in the breathlessness in his lungs, and doesn't care how visible it is.

"Can we please get out of the cold?" Gou groans.

Rin's eyes, bright with the same thrill, leave Haruka's to find his sister. He makes a face, but says, "Fine, I guess you guys are far enough behind that we can just call the match."

Nagisa whoops, and Makoto looks quietly relieved.

They walk a couple minutes to a seafood shack, sit at a table by the window and order several soups full of clams and squid and seaweed, and pile in extra rice. Then they feast, all conversation ground to an utter halt as they stuff their mouths with food by the steaming, fragrant spoonful.

"Oh my god," Rin says, cheeks bulging, five minutes later, once the bowl in front of him is halfway empty. "Oh my god."

"I think I'm going to cry," Nagisa says, nose running from the steam. "I think I'm seriously going to cry at how good this is."

Gou slurps up a noodle, splattering broth onto the tabletop and onto her face, and then sits back with a satisfied groan, hands cradling her belly.

Haruka swipes the back of his wrist across his mouth, his own stomach filled to bursting, but still he gulps down another spoon piled high with rice and shellfish. Something nudges his foot beneath the table. Seated across from him, Rin grins meaningfully his way.

Haruka lifts his eyebrows, questioning. With a chuckle that's lost in the noise of the restaurant, Rin swipes a thumb against his own chin.

"You've got something there."

Haruka rubs at his chin, and a beansprout falls into his lap. Rin laughs at him again, the sound still lost, but even though Haruka can't hear it he can see it – see that it's soft and gently amused. Beside him, Makoto hold a piece of shrimp across the table for Nagisa to taste. Nagisa's eyes light up, and then he does the same for Gou, who claps a hand over her mouth as her own eyes light up.

And as the three of them are lost in their little food discoveries, Rin and Haruka are lost in their quiet glances, in their hushed laughter, in their toes pushed together beneath the table. It's like Haruka's world has narrowed to Rin, Rin, Rin.

And then he glances out the window, where the gray sea stretches far beyond the horizon, the line where it meets the sky barely distinct. Haruka finds that gray limitless, and invigorating, and for maybe the first time, beautiful.

They break off after lunch – Nagisa and Gou back to the train station, Makoto for home and the family plans he has for the day, and Rin up to Haruka's house to hang out.

'Hang out' means toppling onto Haruka's bed, both of them groaning – full and tired, smelling of the sea, sand still between their toes.

"You're the one who wanted to play soccer," Haruka says, bumping his knees against Rin's. "Don't complain now."

"Not complaining. Just tired." To punctuate the statement, Rin lets out a yawn, his jaw cracking loudly. He blinks away the tears afterwards, and then settles his cheek more comfortably on the folds of the blankets beneath him. Smiles at Haruka, sleepiness making his eyelids heavy. "Hi."

"Hi."

They're curled in toward each other, and the space heater hums in the center of the room. A sound that would be easy to fall asleep to.

"Can't believe you still can't let me win things fair and square," Rin says, words slow, heavy. "Literally tripping me up because you're losing? That's low, Haru."

"Oh, shut up," Haruka says, smiling. "You've just never learned a sense of coordination."

"For someone who says they like me," Rin says, words slurring further, eyes sliding shut, "you sure are mean to me."

"Maybe this is how I flirt."

Rin's mouth quirks into a grin. "You're a mean flirter? That's kind of exciting."

Haruka is going to kiss him, going to lean in and brush their mouths together and release some of the tender, fluttering feeling that's been sitting in his chest since the soccer match, but Rin opens his eyes.

"I'm pretty sure Gou knows." His gaze bores into Haruka's, all intensity, no longer tired. "About us."

After a moment, Haruka says, "How do you know that?"

"Because she'll have this freaky smile on her face and say things like 'Haruka-senpai's outfit was cute today, wasn't it?' or 'Do you think Haruka-senpai would look better with his hair now, or so that it doesn't cover his eyebrows?'"

"Oh? What did you say?"

Rin grins. "Yes, and I don't know."

"Maybe she likes me too. Maybe I'm a Matsuoka magnet."

Rin pushes Haruka's shoulder. "When did you get so funny?"

"It's all part of my personal development. Maybe Gou likes it."

Rin snorts. "God, I hope not. Besides, I stand behind what I said about her and Nagisa."

"I don't know if I see it."

"Yeah, well, you're prone to missing a lot," Rin says, rolling onto his back. He goes serious as he stares up at the ceiling. "Honestly… I think she'd be fine if I told her, but I'm still scared. Like…" He licks his lips. "Like, what if? What if she's not?"

Haruka reaches for Rin's face, brushes some hair off of Rin's forehead. Rin meets his eyes, brow creased with uncertainty.

"You don't have to tell her if you don't want to."

"I know," Rin says in a small voice. "But I do want to, kind of. Sometime. Maybe. If you'd be okay with it."

"I'd be fine with it." A small frisson of guilt makes itself known in the pit of Haruka's stomach. Quickly, he says, "Actually, I already told Makoto. Sorry I didn't ask you first."

Rin's surprise lasts for barely a second, before softening into an exhale. "Well, that's kind of a relief. He isn't acting any different."

"I think he picked up on it on his own."

"Are we that obvious?" Rin says with a laugh.

"I think it's you."

Rin tsks.

"Have you told anyone?" Haruka asks.

"Don't react badly," Rin warns.

"Why?" Haruka props himself up on an elbow. "Who'd you tell?"

Looking a little bit sheepish, Rin says, "I told Sousuke."

"Yamazaki?"

"Don't make that face! He was really good about it."

Haruka lets his disbelief show. "What did he say?"

Rin chuckles. "He just made the same face you did. And then he shrugged and said 'If you really think he's that great…'"

Haruka flops back down. "I hope you told him I am that great."

"I got to 'Haru's amazing' and then he threw up on my shoes."

Haruka snorts, and Rin grins and leans in and presses their lips together. Haruka still marvels at how easy kissing Rin has become. He arches into it, body instinctively wanting to be closer to Rin's, mouth easily finding the right position. When Rin starts to pull away, Haruka tails him, darting forward for another kiss before letting Rin go.

"I can't believe you used to be so… shy about this stuff," Rin says, looking amused, impressed even.

Haruka scowls halfheartedly. "I wasn't shy."

"Fine." Rin flops a hand around, looking for a word. "Careful. Cautious. Uncertain."

"Have you been studying for a language test?"

Rin shoves Haruka's shins with his toes, trying to squash his smile into a thin line on his lips and failing.

"You know," Haruka says, "I'm allowed to be all of those words, when it comes to new things."

"Of course. I'm not saying it was a bad thing." Rin grins. "Just that I'm pleasantly surprised that I can just…" He leans forward, touching his nose to Haruka's first, breath skimming over Haruka's lips. Warmth flutters through Haruka's chest. Rin tilts his head up slightly, melding their lips together. The kiss is long, and slow, and when Rin pulls away he finishes his thought, breathing out, "…do this."

Haruka's thoughts are a muddle and his body is on fire, but he manages to say, "I guess I've been changing, then."

Rin grins, palm sliding warm over Haruka's neck and shoulder. The rush of the space heater is lost beneath the rush in Haruka's ears as they kiss some more. He loops an arm around the back of Rin's neck, inviting Rin closer as Rin leans over him. Rin's jacket slips down one arm, and Haruka presses his hand to Rin's bicep, savoring the warmth against his palm. He runs his hand down Rin's arm, pushing the sleeve aside, feeling the prickle of stubble that's growing out.

Rin sheds his jacket and climbs on top of him, hands braced on either side of Haruka's head. Nerves thrum alongside excitement in Haruka's chest. Their mouths are hot, breaths labored, lips needing each other's lips. Desire coils tight within Haruka, spurred tighter by the caress of Rin's mouth, by the wet sounds of their kisses and the feel of Rin's shoulders and back beneath his palms.

When Rin starts to pull away this time, Haruka stops him, a hand on the back of his neck.

"Wait, Rin. I don't want to stop."

"Haru…" Rin looks down at him, lips swollen and eyes glazed. "Your heart's beating, like, a million miles an hour."

"I don't want to stop," Haruka says again, softer. "I'm nervous, but…" He swallows around that nervousness rising high in his throat. It isn't alone, though. He wants more of Rin's lips and his hands and his breath, wants to know where else they can go. Wants to explore – Rin, himself, his feelings, his uncertainty. He feels bold, brave. "I want to keep going."

Rin gives him a steady look, and Haruka can see it plainly – Rin wants to keep going, also. How ironic, that Rin has become the more cautious of the two of them.

"Are you sure?" Rin asks.

"Rin." Haruka nods his chin pointedly toward his pants, trying to ignore the vicious blush that sears across his cheeks as he does. "I may not do this kind of thing much. Ever. But I know what that means."

Rin's gaze darts down, then back up. His tongue darts out, nervously swiping over his lower lip. A blush has already seared across his own cheeks, up to his hairline, down his neck.

"Just because your body, you know, reacts, doesn't mean you have to or anything –"

Haruka silences him with a finger over his lips. His boldness and his braveness know no bounds right now. He feels like a new version of himself, feels drunk on the certainty he feels, feels certain in his rationality.

"Rin, I appreciate you being careful for me, really. But I want to try this." He takes his finger away from Rin's lips. "Please?"

Rin swallows. "Only if you're sure."

"I'm sure." Haruka pulls Rin back toward him, finding little resistance, and that solidifies his certainty. "I'm sure."

Their lips meet, and Rin responds after a few seconds, one hand coming to Haruka's waist, careful and gentle. Haruka can feel his fingertips through his shirt, and heat spreads from the place of contact. And then Rin's lips are on his jaw, just a gentle kiss, but heat spreads from there as well.

Haruka's eyes shut as Rin kisses the underside of his chin, then the side of his neck. His lips part, breath puffing out softly as Rin opens his mouth against his neck, as teeth skim ever so gently. He shivers, hand going into Rin's hair, head tipping back, body pulsing with heat.

"Okay?" Rin asks, voice fluttery with nerves.

"Yeah," Haruka breathes. "Yeah, it's good."

Rin mouths at his neck, and it's more than good. It's fantastic, it's extraordinary. It's the feeling of being desired, and of desiring. It's Rin's body hovering over him, thrilling him rather than caging him.

It's Rin's hands on his hips, and Rin's lips leaving his, and Rin sitting back on his heels to look down at him with want and with worry.

"Should I…?"

He plucks at Haruka's belt loop, eyes roaming down, but avoiding the tent in Haruka's pants.

Haruka nods seriously. "You probably should."

"Are you teasing me?"

"A little bit. Is it helping?"

Rin laughs out a shaky breath. "Yeah. Maybe. I dunno. I'm going to take your pants off, I guess."

"Let me know if you need help."

It's easier to be a little bit silly, but Haruka's stomach still performs a series of backflips when Rin pops his button. His heart stops beating for two seconds when Rin pulls down his fly. He's oversensitive even to that slightest touch, jerking into it, embarrassed by the way his body reacts. Rin's hand finds his hip again, thumb brushing along his hipbone, soothing in a way Haruka didn't expect Rin to be capable of.

With a little bit of wriggling on Haruka's part, Rin takes his pants off. The whole thing is surreal. Rin has seen him in far less but Haruka has never felt more laid bare before him. And still, Rin's thumb brushes his hipbone, steady and grounding and just what Haruka needs.

Rin's touch is more certain than his words when he says, "What do you, um, want me to do?"

"I want you to figure something out," Haruka says, slinging his arms over his face. As much to hide from Rin's embarrassment as to hide his own.

So hoarse his voice sounds like it's being sandpapered, Rin says, "Can I touch you?"

"Yes," Haruka whispers.

Rin does, palm coming down over Haruka's underwear, the gentle pressure enough to make Haruka gasp. He bites back another sound, all sensations pinpointing on the heat and the pressure of Rin's hand. Pleasure courses through him, shocking and engulfing. The newness of it overwhelms him. He curls his toes in the blankets.

Rin draws his hand back quickly. "Was that okay?"

Haruka waits a moment for the tingles to fade. There's one thought in his head, and it's: Wow.

"Yeah, that was okay. You can do it again."

The second time he expects it, but he still sucks in a breath at the contact. Rin is careful, waits a moment before starting to feel. It's electric, more electric than an adrenaline-filled race, more electric than one hundred of Rin's smiles flashed his way. He's over-sensitive, his body careening toward an intensity he doesn't know how to handle.

And then Rin's other hand finds his hip again, thumb brushing soothingly, and it steadies him. His blood still thrums through his veins, but he can breathe, can focus, can feel the cautious movements of Rin's fingers building up his arousal.

It's a monumental experience, reservations slipping away, his self-consciousness about his own body cast aside. His priorities are giving Rin more room, having Rin touch more, letting the sparks of pleasure light him up from the inside out.

"Rin," he breathes out.

"What?"

"Do whatever you want."

There's a sudden pressure against his stomach. He moves his arms to find Rin face-planted there, tips of his ears so red they look like they could melt.

"There's a lot that I want to do," Rin says, muffled, "but I don't think either of us are ready for some of it."

"We're definitely ready for something."

"Are you ready for a blowjob?"

Haruka's mind screeches to a halt. Having an actual option presented to him, in plain words, makes reality all the more vivid.

"Yes," he says, aware of the throbbing between his legs, the neediness twisting through him and making him restless. "I am."

"Tell me if you want me to stop, though," Rin says. "I only want to do what you want."

"Okay."

"You know, I've never done something like this with someone before," Rin says, words still directed into Haruka's shirt.

Haruka can't help but smile. He runs a hand into Rin's hair, the glow in his chest fond. The more nervous Rin gets, the less Haruka feels the same. It's less scary when neither of them knows what they're doing, less scary when it's a fumble, like they always are.

"Neither have I," Haruka says.

"I don't wanna mess anything up."

Haruka combs his fingers gently over Rin's nape, then lets his hand come to a rest there. "I don't mind if you do."

"I'll be embarrassed."

"Me too, probably."

Rin peeks up at that, sees the small smile quirking Haruka's lips, and quirks one of his own. "None of this is sexy."

"I think you're sexy all the time. Well, a lot of the time."

Rin is taken aback for a moment, and then he smiles, shy and giddy. He moves up over Haruka to kiss him, and Haruka settles into it easily, the hand that had been on Rin's nape sliding around, arm resting over his neck. Familiar territory emboldening them both.

And then Rin's thumbs slip beneath the waistband of Haruka's underwear, sending shivers through Haruka's body.

"Is this okay?" Rin asks, hovering over him.

Haruka takes a steadying breath, looking up into Rin's eyes, seeing his fear and his desire mirrored back at him. He swallows, and lets himself think for just a moment.

Haruka is self-control. He's closed off, he's careful. He's afraid of intimacy because he doesn't know how to trust other people with himself, doesn't know how to put himself in other people's hands.

He's afraid of intimacy because it feels so close to something that could break him.

He takes Rin's hand, laces their fingers together, palm to palm. These hands, Rin's hands – long fingers and knobby knuckles and warm skin – are hands that treat him with nothing but care. Hands he trusts.

He's scared of losing control, but a part of him wants to lose it. Control is all he's ever known, after all. A voice in the back of his mind tells him it could be so exciting to let go.

Just do something brave, he tells himself. Just do one thing that scares you. You're already doing it. Look at you.

He touches Rin's cheek with his other hand, his heart swelling inside of him, so filled with adoration.

"I trust you," he says.

Rin's face glows scarlet, his eyes a widening under the panic of that trust placed upon him. "Okay," he says, a little hoarsely. It's endearing. Haruka chuckles, then draws him in for a gentle kiss.

"I'll just do a little bit," Rin says against his lips.

"Okay," Haruka whispers. Just like that, just in these few moments, his nervousness has ceased to exist.

He's with Rin. There was never anything to be nervous about.

Rin kisses the corner of his mouth, the underside of his chin, his neck. Kisses his chest through his shirt. Moves down to kiss his kneecap, a gesture that Haruka can't help laughing quietly at, all the while marveling that this is real.

"Shush," Rin says, smiling. He trails his mouth down Haruka's leg, and Haruka's laughter dies away. Anticipation swirls in his gut. He lets his knees fall a bit further open. His hands find their way into Rin's hair.

"Tell me if it's not okay," Rin whispers against the inside of his thigh.

Haruka clutches at Rin's hair, fingers clenching and unclenching, toes flexed.

Rin presses kisses lower, soft but open-mouthed, wet. So close. "Tell me if it's not okay," he whispers.

Haruka's head tips back, too heavy on his neck. "It's okay," he hears himself say, voice faraway. He tingles all over, hot everywhere, breaths short.

When Rin's mouth finds its mark, Haruka can no longer bite back the sound that rips its way out of him. He pants, and Rin's hand takes his and laces their fingers together on the bed, and Haruka lets a pleasure he's only just discovered lift him up and away.

He finds that bliss is red hot and wet in the form of Rin's mouth, in the shape of his body spread bare for Rin, in a messy tangle of sounds that make his ears burn and his excitement peak.

Bliss is trusting Rin with himself, and finding himself with Rin.

Afterwards, after it feels like Haruka has woken from a dream, body heavy and slow and satisfied, thoughts barely trickling through his brain, he turns onto his side to face Rin.

"Hi," Rin says, with a quiet smile that's laced through with something tentative. Awaiting the verdict.

Haruka breathes out a laugh. "Relax," he says, voice guttering at just above a whisper. "I liked it."

Rin exhales loudly, a whoosh of air as he turns his face into the pillow. When he turns it back out, his smile is brighter, shines in his eyes. "Good, because I was nervous as fuck. That was my first blowjob."

"Congratulations."

"Are you making fun of me?"

Haruka laughs again, a bit more strength behind it this time. "It's how I flirt, remember?"

Rin pulls him close by the hip, nuzzles against the crown of his head. Haruka's body tingles with delight.

"Thanks," Rin says quietly. "For trusting me."

Haruka just hums sleepily, trusting Rin to understand all the thank yous of his own, bundled up in that one tired, contented sound.