![]() Author has written 1 story for Naruto. Age: 25 I am a game developer, both as an indie and as an employee in the games industry. I read, write, and beta fanfiction in an effort to develop my creative and analytical skills with regards to character development, action writing, and plot manipulation. At one time I was a member of Team Dragon Star, but due to a period of inactivity I no longer am. My work with Team Dragon Star includes: Failings and Misunderstandings Now, onto the traditional copypasta! Formula to a crappy Naruto Story, by Silent Master Step One: Naruto is being chased by an angry mob even though he's only three years old (barely old enough to wipe his own ass) and living alone for some reason. Step Two: He trips and/or reaches a dead end (oh noooo's) and they proceed to inflict grievous, crippling, and all around over exaggerated unsurvivable wounds. Step Three: After ten minutes of stabbing and beating (Which miraculously avoided his vitals) someone comes in to inflict the the final blows at the crowds jeering. Step Four: In a 'thrilling' and 'suspenseful' moment a giant war-hammer is swung down on Naruto, only to be stopped an inch from his head by token superhero #25. Step Five: Token superhero #25 yells at crowd. "WHAT ARE DO DOING TO TO THIS POOR BOY?!," crowd replies. "KILLING THE DEMON!" or the like. Slaughter ensues. Step Six: Sarutobi and an ANBU squad show up. (perfect timing) Hokage confronts token superhero #25. "WHO ARE YOU?!" hero responds. "I'm super awesome-man! (Relation to Naruto's parents optional) Now why are your villagers attacking this poor boy?" Step Seven: The Hokage proceeds to break his own law and tells to complete strangers Naruto's life story, much to their outrage. Step Eight: Token superhero #25 says he's taking the boy away to train him. Sarutobi agrees immediately without argument, but pleads for them to return for the Genin exams. #25 agrees. (The fact that he agreed to bring the kid back to a place that delivered a massive beating to a three year old didn't seem to bother him.) Step Nine: Naruto wakes up after the ten minute conversation completely healed, energetic, and with enough brain damage to forgive the entire ordeal. (Apparently he's Jesus, filled with infinite forgiveness for the unforgivable) Step Ten: They fill Naruto in on the details and he begs to be able to come back to be Hokage. (a three year old can comprehend that...how?) and the duo is off. Step Eleven: Time skip. Naruto returns, covered in trench coats and pictures of foxes. (throwing all stigmas to the wind). Step Twelve: Meets Hokage and dishes out all his skills in painful detail. (Throwing all ninja sense to the wind.) Assigned to go to the academy, which happens to be having its exam that day. Step Thirteen: Shows off dramatically for the test and remainder of story, pwning everyone but Orochimaru in the Forest of death. Step Fourteen: Falls in love with the authors preferred pairing for contrived reasons Props to Silent Master for his well thought out and reasoned rant (claps). Honorary Member of The Book of Log. If you worship the holiness that is the log, copy and paste this section onto your profile... although you may want to change the comments Position: Log Worshiper (Since 4/1/2011) Possible Book of Log Positions: Log Worshiper: Beginning position. No requirements Log Priest: You have created at least 1 Naruto related fanfic that frequently (every 2-4 chapters) praises the almighty log and actually fits into the story. Log Pope (there can be more than 1 pope... its safer that way): you have created 3 Naruto related fanfics that frequently praise the almighty log. OR the fanfic that already occasionally praises the log has at least 400 reviews. OR you create a (decently made) Naruto fanfic focused on praising the log... log forbid. Excerpt of the log number 124: when using the log to escape a fire jutsu, it is Konoha custom to write an apology letter to the log, and depending on rank of jutsu escaped from depicts how many words are needed. c-rank, two thousand, B-rank, one thousand five hundred, a-rank, one thousand. only S-rank and higher or excused from the writing of the letter. even then, it is still recommended. Log excerpt number 231: if Konoha shinobi celebrate the holiday of Christmas, then it is required that they put gifts under the Christmas log. Use of a full tree is an insult to the log and if found out that shinobi is ineligible from using the log for a period of two months. Log excerpt number 437: Use of the log in a situation that clearly could be avoided using a variety of other methods or techniques is looked down upon. In order to repent for such actions, the following steps should be taken: For every dent caused by your replacement you shall plant one sapling. For every stab wound caused by your replacement you shall plant five For every hole in the log caused by your replacement you shall plant ten For every detached piece of the log caused by your replacement you shall For a destroyed and unusable log caused by your replacement you shall plant If your log is defective you may call 1-800-BAD-LOGS to file a complaint. If 'and the willow sayeth unto the ninja: wherefore dost i weep? 'tis tears of joy, as thy kin and mine together fell thine foes, who would bring the axe and torch to the wood. the log ist thine ally, and mine kin. calling upon the log, is to call upon me. to aid thee in battle, i weep my tear of joy. 'as the log takes your place, you become the log. the log becomes you. for a moment, you are an extension of the logs blessing unto ninja.' 'you are fools! your log is but a mockery of the power of ninja!- the ninja from the desert declared. and the people shook their heads. 'and as the smoke cleared, his foe stared in awe at the log. blackened and charred, the log crumbled. the ninja, filled with righteous wrath, fell upon his foe and slew him. he made his way to the log, and wept. his companion, the log that had accompanied him through so many battles, was no more. he spoke thus to his fallen companion: though now you have fallen in battle, you rest where the logs forever grow. the forest of life called for you, and you answered its call, as you did mine. i thank you my friend.' 'he despaired, for in this place of stone and earth, there was no logs to be found. reaching out with all his might, he begged for a log in the forsaken wasteland. and he was answered, and saved by the log, in a place where there were none. 'the log took his place and fell, forever into the abyss. the people, hearing of this, railed against him, in such numbers he swore to never endanger another log again. for many years, he fought without the log, growing more and more weary with each passing day. finally, he came across a foe that was too strong for him. as his life was about to end, he felt a familiar pull, and found himself out of harms way, seeing a log in his place. his stunned foe was felled in his stupor, and he approached the log, he knew it, for it was the same that fell so long ago. he asked of the log: why did you endanger yourself for me again? have you not done enough for me? and the log spoke: it is my duty, and our bond. we exist to save the ninja, and they exist to save the trees. we both play a part, for which i am content.' Let it be known that it is absolutely forbidden to willingly perform the technique known as "1000 years of death" on a log. It is also equally frowned upon for one to replace oneself with a holy log for the purpose of avoiding said technique. The punishment for such actions is at least 6 months of banishment from the use of the holy log. |