Disclaimer: I have never owned a war corgi or a baby dragon.

"Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup!"

Hermione panted, barely keeping up with Ron as Ruby jogged in front of them, backward, clapping her hands. "Does this, hff, count as, hff, cruelty to, hff, children?"

"Only if I push you till you drop!" Ruby replied cheerfully. "I'm not having you jump hurdles yet, so we're still good. Oh that reminds me, Nym! We're going to have to start doing actual falling practice sometime soon. You can't develop a landing strategy if you never need to land, right?"

"I guess not," Nymphadora agreed hesitantly, glancing at the castle. "So-"

"Oh don't worry, we wouldn't go higher than three or four meters to start with. Well..." Ruby considered for a moment. "Actually, wizards are pretty durable and we're pretty close to the end of the year, so I might start you off at six meters. Maybe seven... I'll have to go to a woodworking shop or something. Maybe ask the house elves if they have any crates they're not using I could stack up."

"Well, that's a lot safer than what I was thinking."

"I mean ordinarily you'd be at the point where I start throwing you off rooftops, but you're starting your training really late in life. These three should be jumping sometime after they turn fifteen, if I do my job right."

Hermione groaned. "I am not looking forward to that..."

"I am," Harry said.

"You grew up, hfff, with the crazy woman, hff, of course you think, hfff, that this is normal!"

"I kind of think it might be cool," Ron mused.

Hermione collapsed on the ground. "You're all nutters. Mad, every last one of you."

"Okay, that's enough of a jog, five minutes rest. Hermione, you're actually doing a lot better now, we'll be able to start your actual kinesthetic exercises soon. Maybe not before this year is over, but next year. Ron, you seem to have gotten into the swing of things... what do you think, Harry, is he ready for an obstacle course?"

"Mmmm... maybe?" Harry shrugged. "How hard would it be for you to set one up, though?"

"Yeah, it would be pretty expensive... most of my usual supply contractors wouldn't deliver to a magically cloaked castle. Might have to look into wizard salespeople."

Nym quirked an eyebrow. "You have contractors?"

"Just people I order things from. Companies and stuff."

"How rich are you?"

"Eeeeeh..." Ruby waggled a hand noncommittally. "I'm comfortably well off. Made a few good investments a while back, gave some tips to some people doing tech startups... It's less that I'm personally rich and more that I have rich friends who know I'm a valuable source of info."

"Really?" Nym crossed her arms. "Would I have heard of these people?"

Ruby shrugged, absently brushing her fingers against the glass pane hanging off her belt. "Maybe? Depends how well you keep up with the non-magical world."

"She's actually in the third Super Mario game," Harry said.

"Just as a background character," Ruby pointed out. "It's not really that big a deal..."

Hermione managed to look up at her. "Wait... seriously? They put you in a Mario game?"

"Eeeeeh, the character that looks like me just spouts off instructions for a minigame. I mean, sure, it's fun and all, but..." Ruby shrugged. "It's just a thing Shigeru decided to do-"

"You know Shigeru Miyamoto?!"

"Who's Shigeru Miyamoto?" Ron asked.

"Guy who works on video games," Ruby replied. "Good man, knows his stuff. Honestly I met him... well, it's a bit of an awkward story, really, but after the initial misunderstanding we really got to talking and... yeah."

Hermione rolled onto her back. "Every time I think I've heard the strangest thing about you, you manage to one-up it..."

"What if I said I was an alien?"

"Harry mentioned that a while ago." The young girl looked up at her. "Are you actually going to talk about it?"

"Mmmm... I'm open to discussion, I suppose." Ruby reached into one of her belt pockets and produced a metal rod, extending it into a baton. "In the meantime... Nym! Come at me with Papillonima."

"You want me to-no, wait, of course you want me to attack you with a gun sword." Nym rolled her eyes. "Why do anything sensibly, right?"

"Just the sword part for now," Ruby assured her. "We'll do firearm training on the weekends."

"...I actually left it back in the dorms, do you mind if I-?"

Ruby slapped the back of her hand with the baton.

"OW!"

"NEVER leave your weapon unattended!" she snapped. "Always make sure it is either secure or on your person!"

"Right-right..." Nym backed away slowly from the steely glower. "I'll... just be right back."

"Remember to sheathe it before you come out!" Ruby shouted after her. "Don't want you getting cut for no good reason!"

"Is there a good reason to get cut?" Hermione managed in a resigned voice.

"Protecting others, donating blood, a way to figure out how not to get cut-"

"Never mind. Forget I asked."

It didn't take long for Nym to return with her sword and she, carefully, pulled it out of its sheath. "Right, so... what exactly do you want me to do?"

"Why are you holding Papillonima like that?"

Nym looked down at her hand. "Like... what?"

Ruby pinched her brow. "Have you never... right, wand user. Okay." She stepped up to the witch, carefully grabbing her hand. "This grip is too loose. If you swing like this, your sword is going to fly out of your hand. What you want to do is move your thumb here."

"What, like a broomstick?"

"...Yes, actually. Well, not exactly," Ruby admitted, "with a broomstick you're guiding with your knees. Here you're guiding the sword with your wrist, so your grip needs to be a little loose, but not as loose as what you were doing for your wand."

"Huh." Nym swung the sword experimentally. "It does feel a bit stronger, swinging it like this..."

"Power versus precision. With a wand, you don't need a lot of physical power, but you need to move it at exact angles. Swish, flick, jab, twist, spiral clockwise, all the little motions that go into a spell, that's not what you need for a sword. Swing, lunge, guard, those are your basic sword movements."

"What, not parrying?"

"That's a guard/swing. You need a little precision to block an incoming swing, but the longer the other guy's blade the less precision you need-and the more power, to make sure the mass doesn't just push back." Ruby stepped back, twirling her metal baton in one hand. "Right, come at me!"

"...What, now?"

The baton smacked into Nym's shoulder. "Yes, now! What, you think the people you're fighting will just wait for you to bow?"

"Ow! Right..."

Harry, Ron, and Hermione settled onto the grass, watching the two women spar. It seemed to follow a pretty predictable pattern; Nym would swing her sword at Ruby, who deflected it with the tip of her baton before twirling a smack into her body.

"So... is it just me, or is Nym actually kind of horrible at this?" Ron asked.

"She's not bad for a first-timer," Harry mused. "Her swings are pretty decent, even if her footwork isn't the best. It's just that Ruby is an experienced fighter."

Hermione frowned quietly as Ruby snapped corrections at her opponent. "...Harry, I hate to say it, but most of the world uses guns for warfare these days. And Ruby doesn't even use a sword, she has a scythe, how can she be good with swordsmanship?"

"She trained with a sword while she was training with a scythe. And she's kept up all her training."

Ron rolled his shoulders as Nym managed to block a strike. "You know, at this point I'm just kind of assuming that Ruby's just able to fight with anything. I wouldn't be surprised if she could fight with a piece of bread."

Harry chuckled. "Well, it wasn't Ruby, but she apparently got into a food fight back at her old school-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" A voice boomed across the grounds, followed by a very concerned and large man. "You lot shouldn't be wavin' swords around!"

Ruby sighed, holding up a hand for Nym to stop. "It's alright, Rubeus. I'm giving Nym some training, that's all."

"With a sword?" Rubeus crossed his arms with a disapproving look. "Somebody could get hurt."

Sheer exasperation painted Ruby's face. "Why does everyone always say that? I already know that. Yes, somebody could get hurt. In an actual fight, somebody could get hurt. The whole point is hurting people. What I'm doing is teaching Nym how to hurt people correctly, putting just enough hurt on somebody without accidentally hurting herself. What's the point of having a weapon if you're not going to use it? Just wave it around to scare people?"

"Erm." Hermione cleared her throat. "I think what Hagrid is saying is hurting people is a bad thing...?"

The blood-haired woman let out a low sigh, her expression clouding over. "...it would be nice if everyone agreed on that."

"Look," Nym said as she stepped forward, "I'm planning on being an auror. Which means I'm going to go up against some right nasty people. Ruby's just helping me have an edge in case my wand gets snapped in battle or something."

"I know what I'm doing," Ruby assured Rubeus firmly. "I know how to treat deep cuts, and I'm not giving her anything more than a few bruises. If you'd like to watch, make sure things are alright..."

Rubeus stroked his beard thoughtfully. "Well... I suppose if you're being careful about it..." He gave the three first-years a firm look. "Now you all know not to do anything like this, right?"

"Of course," Hermione said quickly. "It's not like we'll ever need to use a sword, after all."

Harry hid his smirk. "Yep, not going to be pulling out swords on first-years, no sir."

"...Right." Rubeus cleared his throat. "Right, so, if you want ta continue?"

Ruby nodded, turning back to Nym. "So I noticed you were going for my core-torso and belly-but as an auror you're going to want to arrest criminals, not kill them. So what you should be doing is looking to disable my arms or knock out my legs..."

Nym panted, half bent over as she put her hands on her knees. "You... move way too fast..."

"That could be part of the issue," Ruby admitted, rubbing her chin. "I would have said that you don't process things quickly enough, but I can get a little too into sparring sometimes. It's just relaxing for me, getting into that vibe..."

She noticed the looks she was receiving and managed an awkward giggle. "Yeah, okay, I'll try to tone it down next time. No promises."

"You are a study in contradiction," Hermione muttered.

"Well." Rubeus stood, clapping his hands together. "I've got something I need to handle back in my hut, so I best be headin' along."

"Take us with you," Nym pleaded. "Please."

Ruby frowned at her. "Hey."

"She's a maniac," Hermione added. "She had us running for a kilometer!"

"Hey..."

"I mean, I guess we could use a break from our training," Ron admitted.

"Hey!"

"Give it up, sis," Harry quipped, "you know it's true."

Ruby huffed, crossing her arms petulantly. "It's just an ordinary exercise routine, it's not ridiculous..."

Rubeus stroked his beard thoughtfully. "Mmmmweeeeell... I guess there's no harm in it. Right then, come with me, you lot."

Ruby's students all followed after the large man gratefully, tailed by the unamused woman herself, and entered the large hut with a shared relief. Hermione sagged into a chair, managing to wipe a few drops of sweat from her hair. "Thanks, Hagrid. Would it be too much of me to ask if you have anything to drink?"

Rubeus glanced at the fireplace momentarily, grabbing a pitcher off a hook. "Right, well, I wasn't expecting guests, so I don't really have anything prepared. So... water's alright, right?"

"Yes, water's fine." Hermione smiled thankfully as he poured out a cup. "Thanks."

"Oh, me achin' arms..." Nym groaned, head lolling back. "I read somewhere it took knights years to train, and now I realize why."

"Didn't knights have armor too, though?" Ron pointed out. "All you were doing was swinging that sword."

"Oh, was that all? Thanks, Ron, I must have missed that between every time Ruby walloped me with that metal cane of hers."

"I guess it might have been a bit more intensive then it looked."

"No, really. You think. What a shocker."

"Er, Rubeus?" Ruby tilted her head at the fireplace. "I'm not an expert at cooking, but I'm pretty sure you need a pot filled with water to hardboil an egg."

The hut was dead silent for a moment.

"And salt," she added. "Salt's important. Not sure why."

"Well," Rubeus said quickly, "that's quite-that's something to say, Ruby, but I'm not sure why you're saying it-"

"Wait. Egg. Fireplace." Hermione sat up. "Is... is that a dragon egg?"

"...maybe," Rubeus replied, glancing around the room.

"Aaaaah." Ruby nodded. "See, now this makes sense. I mean, I don't know a lot about dragons, but the fire thing-"

"You're trying to hatch a dragon egg?" Nym groaned. "Hagrid, mate, that's illegal!"

"Wait what?" Harry frowned. "But Ron's brother owns a dragon."

"No, Charlie works at a dragon reserve," Ron corrected. "There's a difference."

"Hoooow illegal are we talking?" Ruby asked. "Like, pay a fine illegal or...?"

"Two months in Azkaban illegal," Nym deadpanned. "For trading dragon eggs. Minimum."

"Ah." Ruby looked at Rubeus, who was wringing his hands, then back at the egg. "Hmm."

"It's not like I'm not prepared," the man assured them. "I've read up on raising dragons. Feed 'em a bucket of brandy mixed with chicken blood every hour for the first week-"

"A bucket? That sounds expensive."

"Expens-?" Hermione shook her head. "Ruby, a dragon is a venomous, flying, firebreathing reptile that can grow up to thirty feet long!"

"Thirty feet?" Ruby rubbed her chin. "Hmm. Not that big, all things considered."

"Not that-?! The smallest whales are thirty feet long!"

"Yes. The smallest ones. But... yeah, I suppose a venomous firebreathing creature near a school is a significant risk." Ruby sighed. "I'm sorry, Rubeus, but you're going to have to get rid of the-"

The tiniest, harshest crack caught her attention. Slowly, she turned back toward the fireplace.

"Oooooooh no." Nym held up a hand. "No, no no, that is not happening, not now-"

"Shhh." Rubeus leaned in, eyes sparkling. "It's hatching."

The witch slumped into her chair. "Of course it is. As if my morning wasn't bad enough."