Insert standard legal disclaimer here. Mr. Hollywood, Mr. Writer's Lawyer, I'd rather not lose everything and be kicked to the curb. I don't own these characters nor will I get one red cent from their use.

Currently, Harry Potter, Ranma ½, and Sailor Moon are being literarily violated. Monty Python gets referenced on occasion. Avatar, Naruto, Devil Hunter Yohko and others are sometimes referenced but have no speaking characters.

Italic text will be used for flashbacks, to emphasize individual words or to show whole sentences are in another language than is standard for whatever scene is being read. ~Italics between tilde marks is mind to mind speaking.~

If this story gets the same audience as the Girl Who Loved, a logical conclusion I think, then I will most likely address reviews individually at the end of every chapter... unless I don't want to.

Plot Continuation Warning: If you have not yet read The Girl Who Loved, please do so now. This story won't make any sense to you at all until you've read that one. It's more like the break between Kill Bill 1 and 2 than the gap between Star Wars Ep. IV and V. At least, it is in the author's opinion.

For those of you who reviewed the final full chapter and Epilogue of The Girl Who Loved, I thank you all and hope that you review again so that I can address each and every comment one at a time just like before. A few reviews were of the 'it's over? WTF??!!' variety. From this I've learned that you can never state your intent to continue in a sequel often enough or in enough places for everyone to see it. I think I now know what OSHA and NTSA safety regulators feel like when they put those damn warnings everywhere.

Looking back, I think I may agree with those reviewers that said some early characters are a little rough. I'll definitely be doing something about that. I honestly didn't agree with them at the time, but that just shows you how much you can learn about writing in a few months when you've never done it before.

...as seen previously on The Girl Who Loved right before the Epilogue...

"The Hogwarts Express is a place for children to come and dream of a brighter future. There is no room for your corrupted spirit and your message of darkness and hate. You have insulted me. You have insulted my friends. You are a threat to the future of those I love. In the name of Love and Justice, I will punish you!"

Maybe Harry learned a little too much from Usagi's 'How to be Sailor Moon' lessons. Really.

Violence Inherent in the System

Chapter One: Help Help I'm Being Repressed

September 1st, 1996

Harry Potter has successfully confused the shit out of everyone.

The crowd outside was easy to confuse as Jusenkyo Curses were unknown to the magical populace of the British Isles. Add a bit of showing off with Harry 'Chosen One' Potter morphing into the Crown Princess of the Moon, also known as the Goddess of Diagon Alley, and you get an area effect Confundus that Fleur Delacour would be hard-pressed to beat.

Crabbe and Goyle were almost as easy. More known for being thuggish than thoughtful, their brains seized up when a mythic figure turned out to, in fact, be real. Stuck between dutifully supporting Draco and begging forgiveness from the Wizarding World's version of Cinderella, the two couldn't do anything.

Malfoy was the real target. Harry was channeling Usagi heavily and refused to let Malfoy upstage her. Her distinctive Mahou Shoujo battle speech caused heads to poke out of cabin doors and made a group of Fourth and Fifth Year girls gape in wonder.

Harry slowly removed her sunglasses just as Usagi planned. This over the top move to reveal her magical-girl red eyes couldn't have worked any better in Hollywood.

Brilliant.

They wouldn't notice Usagi's part in the dirtiest prank Harry had ever dreamed up.

Usagi drew herself behind the others and down through the floor of the passenger car. The ghost girl then found the bottom of Vincent Crabbe's feet and plunged herself up and into his body. Vincent stumbled a little at the cold shock of a spirit running up his body from toe to head. Usagi was almost disappointed at how easy it was to seize control of Vincent Crabbe. 'He' held a hand over the sigil on his forehead, suffering a mock headache. 'Vincent' then gave Harry a nod and a wink.

This was going to be bloody brilliant.

"But first, your friend has something he'd like to share with you." Harry winked back to 'Vincent'. Draco felt a tap on his shoulder which confirmed that Crabbe did indeed have something to share with him. Draco turned to Crabbe with that 'this better be worth it' look on his face.

Instead of shyly begging forgiveness for his abject stupidity, Crabbe took one hesitant step, putting him inside Draco's guard. Before Draco could pull back, the possessed boy grabbed him passionately and delivered a fierce open mouthed kiss. Draco tried to yell for his lackey to sod off only to get a tongue down the throat for his troubles.

Finally pushing through the shock of getting orally raped, Draco pushed free of Crabbe. As the larger boy fell back against a passenger compartment door, Usagi broke free of Vincent and made her escape. Seconds later, she reappeared behind Hermione.

"Usagi, Love. If my Dad's watching now, you just got his blessing." None of the shocked students even noticed Usagi had gone anywhere, not even Hermione, Ginny or Ron.

"Flawless Victory! Level One Boss defeated! Extra Life earned!" Usagi golf-clapped for her own performance. God, she missed the arcade. Being dead really sucked.

"Why don't we hold off on your punishment until after you and your boyfriend sit down and talk about your feelings for each other." Harry fought desperately to maintain a calm face as she sauntered past Malfoy, Goyle and the Ravenclaw girls who had front row seats for Usagi's performance.

Harry turned to Gregory Goyle as she walked past. "I don't know what you see in him. I hope for your sake that he's at least good in bed." Malfoy was far too enraged with Crabbe to notice the verbal knife being twisted in his back. Goyle went white as he noticed the rumor spreading up and down the train. He was now officially scared shitless of the Moon Princess; he felt like a rodent before a hawk in her presence. Gregory quietly swore to himself that he would never go against the Moon Princess no matter what Draco wanted.

"That was disgusting, Harry." Usagi shivered for a moment as she floated behind her betrothed. "You're going to have to do something really special to make up for that."

"Well… let me think on it a bit." Harry led his group to the last passenger car. Really, it was tradition now to get a cabin near the rear of the train.

By the time Harry and company reached their destination, the faux Moon Princess had managed to throw dozens of students off guard by calling out their names in passing. She saw Colin Creevy and demanded he take her picture with Hermione, Ron and Ginny. In exchange for ten prints of that picture, she posed with Colin for a couple of shots. Harry still didn't know what prank the twins had given her, but it couldn't possibly be any better than this, could it?

"I think I've got it." Harry was in the middle of the last car. Just about any of these cabins would be fine. "I haven't let you possess me yet while we were alone, have I?"

Usagi's eyes glittered with excitement. "No! What did you have in mind!?"

"I say he should let you diddle yourself and then turn bloke so you can see what wanking is like too." Two horribly embarrassed teens, one of them dead, looked to over to Luna as she stepped out of a cabin. "You'll never guess the dream I had last week! Oh, it was grand!"

Hermione didn't know what had gotten Harry and Usagi to stop dead in their tracks, but she hoped to figure it out soon enough. "I'd love to hear your dream, Luna. Perhaps in the cabin, though?"

The blonde Ravenclaw was beaming as she stepped aside to allow Her Friends entrance to her cabin.

Hermione and Ginny sat to either side of Harry on one bench as Ron took the last spot on the opposite side with Luna and Neville. Neville and Luna had been chatting together about exotic flora long before Luna heard the others approach.

"Everybody settled? Right. Luna, please tell us all about your dream." Harry wanted to hear what passed for a 'grand' dream for Luna. Would there be snorkacks?

"Um... er... your Highness?" Neville. Oh, he didn't know yet, did he? Best to put the poor boy out of his misery now than string it out.

"Hey, Nev. They didn't happen to show you a letter from Harry yet, did they?" The boy blushed at being addressed so closely by Royalty.

"No, your Highness. They didn't." Their passenger car shook once, then it shook again a second later and then a third time. The view outside of their compartment window began to slide from left to right. The Hogwarts Express was beginning its annual journey to Hogwarts Castle.

"Come off it Nev. The Crown Princess is over there." Harry pointed at Usagi who then smiled and waved at Neville. "I'm Harry. It's a long story, but the short of it is that I've got a curse that turns me into a girl sometimes. I can change back though, so no pervy thoughts about me, yeah?"

Neville had to battle blushing and going pale at the same time over the implications. He settled for leaning his head against the wall and silently counting to ten.

"Okay!" Luna saw the others settle down. "As I was saying, I had this wonderful dream last week that I absolutely had to share. You see... it started with me and my boyfriend in his family manor's library. I'll grant you that I'm currently not dating anyone, but in this dream, my boyfriend was a very brave and handsome young man with gorgeous green eyes." Uh, oh....

"So there we were, my boyfriend and I, when the spirit of the girl he would marry in the future takes possession of my tight, sexy, hot body and the two of them proceed to use me for their carnal pleasures!" Harry, Hermione and Usagi were really trying hard to look normal.

Ginny really liked this dream. Why couldn't she have dreams full of green eyed boyfriends and carnal pleasure?

"It was only after hours of my being sexually devoured did the spirit have her fill of him and leave me to act out my own desires." Harry's wide eyes locked on to a panicky Hermione. He didn't remember the girls trading places half way through the... uh... thing they did. Well, he kind of did remember Hermione not having Usagi's sigil later on in the evening in question, but he was far too focused on their activities to worry about little details like that.

Is Harry Potter an amusement park ride now? And if so, how in Merlin's name did Luna get a ticket?

Hermione went into full retreat. "Ron? We have a prefects meeting to get to! Thanks for that wonderful little fantasy which could never have actually happened a few nights ago or anything but I'm sorry but we really should be going come on Ron!"

Everyone's favorite Know-It-All fled the compartment dragging a confused Ron in her wake. So focused was she on making good her escape that she didn't even remember to hen-peck other students for rule violations until she and Ron were halfway down the train.

With Hermione out of the cabin, Harry shook her head and tried hard to forget that her shag tally was up to five and a half. Well, it is if you count ghosts as a half point, anyway.

"Let's find out what carnage the twins are about to unleash from afar, shall we?" Harry asked Usagi while pulling out Fred and George's package. Ginny's eyes lit up when she recognized the box.

Harry started by checking the box lid for magical prank triggers.

Clean.

She opened the box.

Harry's girlish shriek was quickly drowned out by laughing. The Great Harry Potter, the Chosen One, the Goddess of Diagon Alley was laid low by common muggle spring snakes.

"That better not be the end of it......." Harry really wanted to hurt someone, but went back to opening the box instead.

"Excuse me, young ladies." Ginny and Harry froze. Damn, they're only halfway down the train and the prank isn't done yet. "If I remember correctly from before retirement, and it hasn't been quite that long ago, the two of you seem to be in the middle of a prank."

Ginny told Harry that Usagi should have come to act as lookout between passenger cars. Unfortunately, the ghost had elected to stay behind and talk to Luna.

Now that Harry was caught without an exit strategy, the only thing they could do was to figure out who this new guy was and hope for the best. Logic dictated that Harry was about to meet the new Defense Professor.

Harry turned around and smiled. "I surrender, Sir. You caught us in the act. Pity, I don't even know what these things do yet."

The man was someone she really didn't remember seeing before. Harry would have said he was short if it weren't for all of her time spent with Professor Flitwick. This man was clearly old, but less of a fossil than the Headmaster. Giving his outfit a quick glance, Harry was surprised to see a fairly rich looking outfit with what looked to be gold buttons.

The man's eyes were twinkling as they moved from Harry's eyes to her hair and back. Shite.

"Your Highness! I had no idea that you would be attending Hogwarts! Please allow me to extend the warmest of welcomes to you." Harry should have planned out what she would tell people in this situation but she really didn't think she'd have to defend herself until stepping off the train.

"Oh! But where are my manners? I am Professor Horace Slughorn, Potions Master Extraordinaire." The man bowed low before Harry and Ginny and then came back up to kiss Harry's hand. Not wanting to play the fair damsel part too far, Harry pulled her hand back.

"I hope you will forgive me, Professor, but Weasely products are notorious for being activated by absorption. You may not want to kiss that hand just yet." He looked at the hand in question for a moment before gracefully backing away.

"Quite. Interesting business the Weasely brothers have; their Charms and Potions scores must have been top notch to do half of what they do... " Professor Slughorn looked over Harry's shoulder to see the redhead behind her. "And you must be Miss Ginevra. I read all about your and Mister Potter's adventures in the Department of Mysteries, young lady. I'll have my eye on you, yes I will."

He seemed to be extraordinarily pleased with himself for some unknown reason and not in an 'I've got you now, troublemaker' way either. Wait. Potions Master? Why would the Headmaster hire another Potions Master unless... oh, shite.

"My dears, I'd love to invite you to a little get together I'm having with some of the up and coming stars of Hogwarts. We'll be having a spot of supper in my rooms with McLaggen and Zambini, and don't forget Melinda Bobbin. She's a charming witch who's family owns a large chain of apothecaries." After visually bounding between the two witches, Horace's eyes settle on Harry. "And Please invite Mr. Potter. I can't seem to find the boy... honestly, I'm surprised not to see him in your presence."

Well, he's here, isn't he? "I'm getting a bit of quality Girl Time with Ginny right now. My Intended is off performing feats of mischief, no doubt."

"Yeah. He's quite the bad influence. Isn't he, your ladyship?" Ginny had to get a dig in.

"I'll have none of that from you. You're my partner in crime today, not a Lady-in-waiting."

"Do I need to be punished? You could get Harry to spank me." Ginny didn't get many chances to flirt with Harry away from the other witches and she wasn't going to back off just because a Professor was listening.

"Ginny, Ginny, Ginny... saying such things in front of such a respectable gentleman. Honestly. Your spanking will be performed by Neptune and Uranus." Ginny's eyes widened. She remembered those two. They liked girls.

"Well, I suppose I should allow you two ladies return to your youthful diversions. I'll continue looking for our dear Mister Potter and I've a few other invitations to hand out as well." Horace sketched out a small bow to the witches in front of him. "Miss Weasely. Your Highness. It was a true pleasure to meet the both of you."

"I look forward to meeting you again. If you are the new Potions Professor, then I daresay a great many student's will be looking forward to meeting you." Harry figured she could give a compliment and fish for information at the same time.

"How nice of you to say so! I am indeed the new Potions Professor, though I've had the post before. It'll be just like old times. Good day, ladies." And with that, the jovial round man with a walrus-like moustache continued down the hall. Harry thought that the man would do a good job of portraying Father Christmas in a non-magical shopping mall.

Harry and Ginny got back to the task of picking targets and placing new Weasely prank marbles outside of the appropriate cabins. The little buggers were designed to be hard to see and to start working when the cabin doors opened.

"You know what this means, Ginny?" Harry wanted to see how much attention she'd been paying.

"I hope it means that Snape isn't teaching this year."

"Not likely. My last spell in the alley healed people without hurting anyone, even the Death Eaters." Harry wanted Ginny to be right, but she knew better. Sod it all.

"He's teaching Defense this year then. Why can't they hire someone like an auror or something. Tonks or someone. Hell, they should hire you, Harry." Harry choked.

"No, really. Look at what you did with the D.A. I did much better in my end of year testing than I would have otherwise, and not just in Defense either. My Charms scores went up too. Flitwick gave me house points for my improvement; did you know that?"

Harry didn't know that. She tried to push down the blush as she set five more marbles down near a door into a Slytherin held compartment.

"You're loads better than Lockheart or Umbridge were. Only Professor Lupin did anywhere near as good and he had official classes whereas you had to be sneaky about it." Ginny turned back to the task at hand. They only had ten minutes or so to finish up before the prefects would be back out and patrolling. Besides, nagging was more Hermione's thing.

When the prefects meeting finally did end, Harry and Ginny were both waiting for Hermione and Ron with innocent smiles and glowing halos. Ginny's halo may have had some Spell-o tape holding it together near the back. Needless to say, Ron gave them a wink and Hermione tried to get the prank out of them for the next thirty minutes.

Sorry, Hermione. You'll just have to wait and see like everyone else.

With one last burst of steam and noise, the Hogwarts Express ended its journey. Seconds later, feet began to hit the pavers to one side of the train as the student population disembarked.

Harry Potter was the first student to leave the first car, followed closely by a blonde Moon Princess and Padma Patil from the third car. Then Harry got off of the second and fourth cars with several Second and Third Year students while Princess Serenity got off of the first, second and fifth cars amidst several other upper year students.

As more and more students left the train, a pattern began to emerge. Out of every four or so students, one of them was Harry Potter and one was Princess Serenity.

"Lav-Lav, you just don't understand! You got the better end of this prank, I'm telling you." The Chosen-One-of-Ninety-Four glared at Princess Serenity Thirty-Eight.

"Pav-Pav, don't even… I saw you playing with your bits several times in the past hour – and what were you doing in the boy's loo for half an hour anyway. We all know that boys finish up a lot faster than we do." Crown Princess Brown fired back.

"I… eh… didn't really know which loo to go to, you know. And then... and then there was a line. Lots of people wanted to check out the Princess's and Harry's- er… needed to relieve themselves. Honest."

The twins were carefull in their charms-work. They didn't want anyone abusing… okay, over-abusing the honor of being Harry and his girl. Not one bloke got Princess'ed. That would have been asking for dark pervy trouble.

"Ron." Harry called out.

"Yeah, mate?"

"I think we broke Hagrid."

The man in question had been waiting dutifully for the train to arrive as usual, but he didn't appear to be saying anything. From Harry's group, it was clear that the mountain of a man was watching all of the Harry Potters and Moon Princesses pass by. So mesmerized by the Mass Potter Migration of 1996 was he that a few of what could only be Ickle Firsties were passing him by in favor of following the upper years over to carriages.

We can't have that, now. Can we?

"I'll just give him a kick or something then." Ron looked over to Hermione and Harry who both nodded back.

Ron jogged over to Hagrid's dazed form.

"Oi." No answer.

THWACK

"Oi! Hagrid!"

The life seemed to return to Hagrid's eyes and he looked down to see who was talking to him.

"Blimey, if it idn't Ron. How are ye, Ron?" Looks like he'll need one more push to get the Firsties like he's supposed to. Harry lightly elbowed Hermione and nodded in Hagrid's direction.

"Hagrid! It looks like the First Years are trying to get on the carriages! You should round them up, don't you think?"

Hagrid's eyes widened as he looked down the trail and saw how many of his flock were going astray.

"First Years! First Years come to me!" That wasn't scary at all... unless you were a little First Year student hoping that you won[t get lost and then a mountain of a man bellows out for you to go right to him. Luckily, several prefects among the crowd noticed the younger students moving in the wrong direction and began to help Hagrid round them up.

Obviously this group of responsible leaders included one highly intelligent, if a little bossy, Gryffindor prefect who drafted all of her good friends into crowd control service.

Among the chaos and confusion, no one noticed two students disappear into thin air.

Walking up to the Great Hall gave no joy to Severus Snape tonight, not that it ever did before.

He had begun to think that things were turning around after the battle and his extended recovery but old burdens soon returned to weigh down his soul. Snape still answered to two masters: Dumbledore and the Dark Lord. His arm no longer bore the Dark Mark, but such a minor detail wouldn't stand in the Dark Lord's way forever. Dumbledore was a changed man, but he still held great power and Snape had no way to brake free of his control either.

While the changes in Dumbledore appeared to be positive so far, any change at all was hard to deal with. Better the devil you know and all that.

Worse yet, the Potions Master may have just incurred another debt. Severus shuddered at the thought. Would he never be free? Now it seemed as though he may owe something to Princess Serenity, the very girl he had gloated over with intent to rape until she tore him to little bits in Hogsmeade. That was not one of the Headmaster's better ideas. The 'ambush and subdue' bit was the Headmaster's idea, mind you, not the 'bum rape' bit.

If only the fact that he had a debt to the Potter line was the end of it. That debt has been chafing for years with Dumbledore using it from the very night Lily died. Bad as owing a debt to Potter was, the real suffering had been Dumbledore's constant little reminders over the years. Not that it was anything overt, just little things.

'Look, Severus, one of the new witches has green eyes' one year and 'my, that little muggleborn has a gift for potions, just like Lily did' the next. Looking back, Severus had to wonder if the Headmaster knew what those comments would do to his disposition. He must have known.

Perhaps if Severus had been able to get a position brewing or doing research outside of the school, he may have been able to forget the hate long enough to move on with his life.

That didn't happen, did it? No. Ever since the Dark Lord's first fall from power, Severus Snape has spent nearly all of his life inside of Hogwarts Castle. Even summer months would find him brewing this or that for school use. There was, of course, the occasional special order to be dealt with as well. Much as he tried to keep his family home at Spinner's End cared for, the Potions Master would spend at best one month a year in his own bedroom.

With his history, those nights were spent alone. Each and every one of them.

In years gone by, the night of the Opening Feast was the traditional night for him to pick his new girl. Tonight though, Severus Snape wasn't in the mood. In fact, since waking up a few days ago, Severus had come to regret his professional demeanor. Specifically, he regrets his complete lack of a professional demeanor. So many potential Potions Masters came to him for guidance and got nothing. Nine different girls had gone to him for lessons only to become his potioned love toy for a year with nothing but Obliviate to show for it. If the Headmaster hadn't already singled out Miss Granger this summer, it may have been her turn this year.

Not tonight.

Severus Snape may never be a light wizard. He may never be liked or respected by most students. He may never earn the love of another, but there is one thing he will do this year.

This year he will teach properly. Severus Snape mentally swore to himself that he was going to teach the clueless children of Magical England how to properly defend themselves and they in turn would learn. The little dunderheads would learn defense whether they wanted to or not.

One flight of stairs and one hallway away from the Great Hall, a pair of coins in his pocket began to heat up.

Damn it all to Hell! Did he not disable the ambush portkeys hidden near the end of Hogsmeade Station's platform? He needed to inform Dumbledore that the accursed things actually worked.

Hanna Abbot tried to open her eyes. Why were her eyelids so heavy?

She made another attempt which did no better than the first. Considering the fact that her sense of balance had completely left her her as well... as well as her sense of time, it was little wonder she didn't even notice the house elves levitating her onto a solid looking table with cold-forged iron manacles attached to all four corners.

Draco Malfoy was signing his life away.

In front of the young Malfoy Scion, on the Headmaster's desk, sat a foot deep stack of parchments that the boy was methodically signing again and again and again. Thirty-seven behavioral charms tend to have that kind of effect on someone.

Well, he wasn't really signing his life away. The parchments were written mostly with Harry Potter in mind and very few of them would be legally binding on anyone else. They were also written for an orphan. However much some people would like Draco to suffer that kind of loss, the fact remains that Narcissa still lived.

It would be an absolute scandal if even one of these documents left the room with 'Draco Malfoy' inked at the proper places.

"Headmaster. The potions are ready as requested." Snape didn't want to alert any of his fellow professors that a scheme has reached fruition, so he used the pre-arranged code phrase. Hopefully his tone would alert Albus that this was no longer the desired course of action and that they should do something about it.

"The- oh... oh yes." Albus almost forgot what Severus was talking about, but he recovered quickly. The portkeys and behavioral adjustment traps... how could he have forgotten? They would have to do something about it.

"Severus, please go and see to the safety of the students. We don't want any of them showing up late do we?" Snape nodded and turned back to retrieve a captive that he really had no desire to keep anymore. As he did so, Albus rose from his seat.

"Minerva. Filius. I find myself with an urgent task to see to before the Opening Feast. Please take care of things if I do not get back from my office in time." The two Heads of House both nodded, though they were a bit suspicious of the request.

The Headmaster left the Great Hall and began the walk to his office.

"... and so this time... snicker ..this time, when Harry's pop's back into being on the next mountain over, he finds himself right over a very deep and very cold mountain stream. Splash!" Usagi let loose a peal of laughter from her position in Harry's copy of her mortal shell. Everyone was getting a good laugh as Usagi went through all of the more embarrassing things that had happened to her and Harry while taking their casual stroll through China and northern Tibet.

"But why didn't he use his broom or something?" Neville was warming up to the Moon Royal. Not only was she close to Harry, she was also very funny. He had completely forgot that this girl was several tiers above him and everyone else on the social ladder.

That possession trick was rather creepy, though.

"He didn't have it yet. It took a while for him to ask Dobby to go get his things." Now that she thought about it, Usagi wasn't sure how Pluto could have convinced Harry to go to Japan if he actually had a way around those super-big mountains. "It was fun for a while... and the mountains were soooo beautiful. And I've never seen so many stars in the night sky! The Milky Way is gorgeous when you can actually see it!"

"I think that for our Honeymoon, I'll ask Harry to go back to China for a little while." Usagi considered the lonely mountain ranges west of Jusenkyo as belonging to just her and Harry. She didn't hear anything said for the next few minutes inside their Thestral drawn carriage as she fell into a daydream about making love under a clear night sky.

~Usagi. Why don't you drive all the way into the Great Hall. Walking in there for the first time really is brilliant.~ Harry was being really sweet to let Usagi play at being alive this evening. She really missed the feel of cloth on skin and resolved never to take her own living body for granted again.

~Can I? Awesome! I promise to be really really really nice to you later if you let me eat something too.~ Considering what they've been up to when no one's watching...

~Be my guest, Love. I can still look through our eyes and watch for reasons to take over if necessary. Just remember to look at the Staff Table every so often.~ Harry was tempted to point out that there would still not be any pizza for live Usagi, but kept his mind silent.

At first, Deputy Headmistress Minerva McGonagall was going to simply ask why Her Highness had entered the Great Hall with Mister Potter in her Heather Snape guise, wearing Hufflepuff colors at that. Minerva stopped before she could embarrass herself when the Princess's twin from Ravenclaw followed a Slytherin Harry into the hall. Over the course of the next fifteen or twenty minutes, the returning student body all entered the hall and brought with it nearly a hundred of each teen: Potter and the Princess.

Near the student high tide, a lone pink haired version of the princess entered in the company of Miss Granger. This one also had the glowing head tattoo that Minerva decided to take for a sign of authenticity.

"Oh, just kill me now and be done with it." Minerva looked over to see the Potions Master looking distinctly ill and pulling a Hufflepuff Princess into the hall behind him.

The girl looked a little confunded but otherwise healthy. Still, Severus had brought her in separately and she did look to be under a spell of some sort. As he looked her way, she narrowed her eyes and glared at him.

"Look... it isn't... but I.. " The man took a moment to calm down and tried again. "I swear on my magic that I did nothing harmful or criminal to this girl since I found her where she aught not be. So mote it be." Luckily, Obliviate was neither harmful nor criminal in the strictest sense of the words. Technicalities were such useful things.

Thank Merlin he didn't feel like continuing on with the original plan. To Severus Snape Lite (with eighty percent less Bastard than the Original Formula Severus Snape) the girl's position shackled to a heavy table was arousing but not enough to let him suffer a relapse. He thought that he was sparing the honor and freedom of a girl to whom he owed a debt. He didn't even know who she was now.

As he released the witch, she began to drift over to the Hufflepuff table.

The girl Severus would now identify as the real Moon Princess by way of Hair and sigil was gaping up at the floating candles and enchanted ceiling. He didn't blame her, the ceiling never ceased to amaze him, not that he would ever admit to such a thing.

The real Moon Princess spotted him.

After a moment of locked gazes, the two turned away simultaneously and found their seats.

"Filius. I need to see to the First Years. Please be prepared to open the Feast if Headmaster Dumbledore does not arrive in time." With the diminutive Professor's nod, Minerva rose and moved to the First Year's ceremonial entrance.

Shortly after Minerva left, Heamaster Dumbledore could be seen re-entering the Great Hall with a subdued Mr. Potter in tow.

As soon as Albus cleared the threshold, his jaw dropped. Was it any wonder that Harry was wearing Slytherin green when Albus found him in his office? Which one was the real Harry? Was he even here tonight?

As he released the green tied Harry, Albus scanned the Gryffindor table.

There... sitting between Miss Granger and Mr. Weasely. That was the one.

Albus saw her hair and sigil just as his Deputy Headmistress and Potions Master had before him.

Mister Potter may still be unaccounted for, but at least she showed up on time. Wait. Without Harry, why would she be here at all?

It was when Usagi Pretending-to-be-Harry-Pretending-to-be-Usagi and Ablus 'Old Coot' Dumbledore were exchanging glances that three Harry's between them reverted to their natural forms. Seconds later, a few dozen more Harrys and Princesses disappeared only to be replaced with regular witches and wizards.

By the time Minerva opened the doors to the Great Hall to allow First Years entrance, only a dozen or so transfigured students remained.

This year's sorting may have been a little more tense without the Chosen One in visible attendance, but the procedure of the sorting itself was little different from last year. Professor McGonagall placed the Sorting Hat on the traditional rickety old stool and left it to do what it always does.

~A talking hat? I've seen talking cats before, but never a hat. Are my shoes going to complain if I wear them too long?~ Usagi had heard about talking mirrors already. Talking mirrors are fashion advisers that she can do without... How could the mirror know what's new in CanCam or Seventeen?

~It's starting to sing now, Love. After the song, the First Years will be sorted and we'll have our feast. Remember to sweep the ring over your plate before eating. If the jewel turns red, I'll take over immediately. Otherwise, you can have your first meal in months.~

~I so owe you for this, Harry.~

The Sorting Hat belted out a song almost identical to last year with the whole unite or perish theme near the end. Does the hat not like its job or something?

Dumbledore was true to form when calling out nonsensical words to open the feast. While seeing all of the food appear at once was always a nice trick, that didn't stop Usagi from checking her plate with the potion detector ring.

Clean.

How devious.

Harry settled in for some deep paranoia while Usagi ate and talked and otherwise celebrated her good fortune to know a boy who could turn into a girl who would willingly let a ghost possess him/her.

Let it never be said that their relationship was normal.

Usagi was stuffing her face. Hermione was scandalized that a Crown Princess would have such atrocious table manners, but Ron, on the other hand, nodded to his equal. While food was disappearing in record time before the upper year Gryffindors, Harry was on a hair trigger. Any sudden movements would cause him to regain control of his/her body and draw two of her three magical focii.

Finally, after a feast the likes of which Usagi had never experienced before, she felt the mental tug that Harry used to switch places. After a moment's rearranging, she looked out of Harry's eyes to see that Headmaster Dumbledore had stood to make the year's announcements.

~What's going on? Are they going to try to get me after curfew?~ Harry was more paranoid with every second that more nothing happened.

~Harry, could it be that they really aren't going to try to get you? What you did in Diagon Alley must have affected them; they were right in the middle of it with you.~

"... and this year's Defence against the Dark Arts Professor will be Severus Snape." As a quarter of the assembled students chose to applaud this announcement, the other three quarters took to hissing and grumbling.

~Snape as Defence Professor? Surely he's going to hex all of us 'foolish Gryffindors' in the back and then take points for our not suffering enough! Maybe they had some sort of dark shield or... or... maybe they're both just completely mental and the healing magic didn't find any darkness to fix.~ Harry heart's rate was climbing fast.

"I think that Professor Snape is going to use this opportunity to hurt Gryffindors and be otherwise very unfair. How many of you agree?" She asked this of the general group around her.

"Agree!" Ginny, Dean and three other Gryffindors in hearing range all belted out together.

"Rotten bastard, Snape is!" Ron.

"He's never been fair to us, thank Merlin Harry still wants to run the D.A." Neville.

"He is... less than professional in his classroom demeanor." 'Mione, God bless her.

~I win!~ Harry would have felt bad at rubbing her victory in Usagi's face if not for the overwhelming paranoia flowing trough her being.

Silence returned to the hall as Headmaster Dumbledore raised both of his hands.

"Finally, we have a celebrity guest with us tonight." Albus looked over at Harry. Several hundred students and most of the faculty followed his lead. "My apologies Your Highness, but I was unaware you would be attending Hogwarts this year. I assure you suitable quarters will be made available. If you would be so kind as to meet with me after the Feast, we can see to all of the necessary arrangements."

As the full population of Hogwarts looked on, the Moon Princess dropped her head for a moment before rising from the table completely. By the time she was free of the table, everyone that had noticed the crescent moon symbol before was confused by it's absence.

Harry placed an elegant hand on Hermione's shoulder and then the other on Ron's.

"I've got an idea. Wish me luck." Harry squeezed each shoulder before putting on as positive a smile as she could muster. Harry then called out for all to hear, "Permission to approach the Head Table?"

The headmaster was surprised a bit at her request, but nodded his head in acceptance just the same. He did not want to appear hostile to the girl most likely to know where Mister Potter is tonight.

Hermione and Ron looked at each other as Usagi, or was it Harry, walked up to the Head Table.

"'I've got an idea' he says. 'Wish me luck' he says." Ron watched the pink hair bounce and sway behind his best mate and shook his head.

"You don't think he'll succeed?" Hermione wanted it to work. She also wanted an hour or two to review the idea and carefully evaluate it's strengths and weaknesses.

"What? Of course he'll win up there." Ron looked back at Hermione. "I just think Harry's better off just making it up on the spot. He should have gone up there without any plan at all."

~You do have a plan, don't you? Harry?~ If she did, it wasn't one that she'd shared so far.

~One word, Love. Blackmail.~ To be honest, she'd just thought it up halfway down the Gryffindor table. Her Gryffindor courage was being overtaken by Slytherin cunning with every step. Or was it the Marauder in her showing through?

Harry finished her march to the center of the Head Table and turned to address Headmaster Dumbledore .

"I did not come here tonight to take any classes though it's possible that I may be seen in the halls from time to time. Please do not open a suite of rooms on my behalf." The Headmaster nodded his acceptance. Good.

"I must say that Harry was far less eager to return to school this year than ever before due to your actions this summer. I told him that you should get one last chance to do the right thing before he leaves England to reside permanently in Japan." Albus maintained his warm persona, though his mind was racing for rebuttals which don't involve 'the greater good'. Whether Harry be independent or spineless, he absolutely needed to be in England.

To either side of Albus, other members of the staff were shocked that Harry Potter was even considering living outside of England permanently. Had Harry's relationship with the Headmaster become so bad as to cause the boy to put Eurasia between them?

Last year, Snape would have already launched into an anti-Potter diatribe of epic proportions. His strange silence only served to make Harry even more nervous.

"Your Highness. I find that I must beg for your forgiveness. If Harry were here, I would swear to him that he will be safe and protected here at Hogwarts." Albus didn't think that statement would be enough, but he had to start somewhere.

"It's not safety and protection he wishes you to swear to, Headmaster. If you make a magical vow just like the one you made in Japan, one that extends to after Voldemort's destruction, then Harry will appear as if he'd been here the whole time." Harry placed her hands inside her cloak, hidden from view.

The Headmaster appeared to be considering her request, but the pause drew on longer than Harry wanted. She mustn't allow the Headmaster to believe that she's trapped here.

"If you refuse to make such a promise, Headmaster, then Harry will not enter this hall and I will call for my escort home." Harry's hand drew tight around her original wand. Though she had placed Pluto's teleport target stone in the same pocket before leaving Kings Cross Station, she wasn't sure it would work on Hogwarts grounds. Still, a questionable back-up plan was better than no back-up plan.

Before their last meeting in Diagon Alley, Albus Dumbledore would have refused her request and then accused her of kidnapping Harry.

If he tried that now, it would not end well for anyone.

Today, Albus was feeling like a different person. Learning just what he had been dosing himself with on a daily basis for the past eighty to one hundred years had shaken the Headmaster more than meeting Tom Riddle in the Ministry Atrium. That should come as no surprise, really, as Albus was pretty high during the Atrium fight.

Albus pulled back his magical senses and considered his dilemma one last time. She had a magical core and the power of a planetary avatar. She carried two of the Deathly Hallows on her person. She knew where Harry Potter was. Albus almost laughed at the realization that her knowledge of Mister Potter's whereabouts was the most important fact in that list.

"Very well, Your Highness. I shall take your vow." And he did.

~I still can't believe that worked.~

~It may sound odd coming from a Senshi, but violence isn't always the answer, Harry.~

~Tell Voldemort that.~

~Maybe I will.~

Dumbledore cleared his throat. Oh! Right...

Harry smiled and took one step back from the Staff Table. She removed the golden kanzashi with a flourish and got an appreciative gasp. Don't English witches have enchanted hair-clips or something? Maybe not...

Dumbledore almost flinched when Harry pulled two wands, but she never appeared hostile. While pointing the holly and phoenix feather wand at her eyes and the Elder Wand an her hair, she canceled both color charms simultaneously.

"Is that tea still hot, Headmaster?" Albus looked to the simple tea set between himself and Minerva for a moment before nodding. How could Harry let her get BOTH of his wands?

Palming two wands in one hand, the blonde haired blue eyed Moon Princess reached over to dip two slim fingers into Albus's tea.

Just as Minerva was going to censure the Royal guest for such an uncivil and pointless display, the girl shifted into a larger male form. One that she knew well.

"Harry Potter! What is the meaning of this?" Minerva shrieked out her question almost before she could formulate it. Even with the large scale prank that had just finished reversing itself, the student body of Hogwarts was again surprised by Harry's change. Rumors began to spread of his 'confirmed' metamorphmagus abilities.

Harry smirked in a way that both infuriated and flustered the Deputy Headmistress. She desperately wanted to pull James Potter back from the afterlife and give him a week's detention for passing the Potter smirk on to his son.

"I take it you've never heard of the Pools of Sorrow, a cursed training ground deep in western China?" He looked between Minerva and Albus, both of whom seemed to draw blanks. "Well, it's quite the story, but I'm sure the First Years need to get some rest."

"Can I trust you to keep to Hogwarts grounds, Mr. Potter?" Harry nodded. "Very well. There are things we need to discuss, but they can wait for tomorrow. Why don't you rejoin your friends and I'll dismiss the students for the night."

Harry nodded and returned to Gryffindor Table. As he neared Ron and Hermione, Usagi slid out of Harry's mind and appeared next to him.

"I still can't believe that worked." Harry called out in Japanese.

"You already said that, Harry. I knew we were going to be fine the whole time." Harry could see Usagi's confidence in her face and movements.

Several Gryffindors and Ravenclaws in hearing range paused for a moment. When had the Boy-Who-Lived ever shown a talent for languages? Well, there was the Chamber of Secrets... maybe Harry's abilities were wider than just the snake language?

"I wish I had your confidence."

"Two things, Harry. Our daughter, for one. How can she exist if some crusty old school headmaster manages to split us up?" Harry paused for a moment. "And then there is Pluto. I always know that the shit hasn't hit the fan yet until she shows up. Don't tell her I said this, but in my own head she's my Personal Fan Un-shitter."

Harry snickers before responding. "That's a good one! In my head, I call … her... er." Oops.

Usagi saw Harry's blush and knew it had to be good.

"Come on Harry, don't leave me in the dark!" Usagi began to zip back and forth in front of her living lover much to the shock of other students and to the amusement of the castle ghosts. They all wanted to get to know the New Girl.

"Soooo. Have you decided where you want to sleep at night?"

Harry was about to sit down when the entire student body was dismissed for the night. With Hermione helping this year's new prefects in shepherding the First Years, and Ron being dragged along against his will, Harry wondered who he could use to derail Usagi's question.

"You going back to school isn't going to change my schedule at all, Harry, and I still want to know what you call Setsuna I mean if you won't tell me then I'll just have to keep guessing and guessing until I get it right because you know, Harry, now that I'm a ghost I can talk and talk and talk and a really don't have to breath in between sentences or anything and I'm sooooo going to annoy the hell out of those girls that keep looking at you because you are mine and I'm not sure when the next time I'll feel like sharing is going to be-"

Please Satan, rise from your fiery pits and take Harry now. If Usagi is going to use this technique to get what she wants in the future then Harry was really going to have to find some way to fend off the hellish assault.

"Oh, but I really want you to share him with me because there are a lot of old rituals to be found in the restricted section that require pairs of nude lovers to explore each other under moonlight at various times of the year and you being Moon Royalty you should really appreciate that. deep breath in And then there are also a lot of three-way positions that you can't cover with Hermione's help alone so you really need to let someone else into the relationship and since I've got long blonde hair it would be more like sleeping with Usagi than you can get with Hermione "

" and the name Luna is kind of connected to my line "

" and my mother's name was Selene which is another Moon based name "

" but Lovegood would sound more like you're a descendant of Minako's family or something "

"You win! Hotness! I call her Hotness in my head! Please for the love of God stop that talking thing the two of you are doing." Harry placed his hands over his ears and began to beat his head into the stone corridor wall.

Other students passed by as far from Harry as they could get. He really couldn't tell if they were trying to keep away from a verbal tennis match that the twins would be envious of or his own self-destructive head bashing. Maybe it was both.

As the ringing in his ears slowly dropped to manageable levels, Harry noticed Usagi and Luna waving goodbye to each other. As Luna turned a corner heading for Ravenclaw tower, Usagi drifted back over to Harry's lightly blooded patch of wall.

"What? Did you think I'd be jealous or something? She is like totally super hot. I think I'll call her 'Hotness' too!" Usagi thought for a moment. "I like my nickname better anyway. Still, I can't figure out if she would like being called Hotness or not."

"I couldn't tell you. I can't seem to get one up on her." Harry abandoned his wall of pain and continued on to Gryffindor Tower.

"It's not just you Harry. I don't think anyone has gotten one up on her in a really, really long time."

"Rise, Rookwood." Dark Lord Voldemort was tiring of servants who didn't have enough intelligence to get things done right. It was time to use someone with a brain.

Augustus Rookwood was someone that even Voldemort would admit was an extremely intelligent man.

"I have heard a lot of rumors about Potter, the Moon Princess and that ghost that follows them around. Look into them." Rookwood knew exactly what his Lord meant. He had supplied the Dark Lord with half of the intelligence himself.

As Rookwood nodded, a parchment appeared on the hand rest of his throne. Rookwood stood motionless as his Lord read the missive. Soon enough, Voldemort flung the letter itself to Rookwood's feet.

"Look into this one as well. Dismissed." Rookwood recovered the letter and left his Lord's throne room respectfully.

As the man mentally cataloged the various methods of... research available to him, he scanned through the student report detailing Hogwarts' Opening Feast and Potter's elaborate performance. The Pools of Sorrow? Augustus was sure he'd heard that name before somewhere. But where?

Honolulu, Hawaii

6am September 1st, 1996

"Well, I think you did great."

Two Asian women were walking down Kapiolani Boulevard. They didn't stand out in the early morning crowd, for once, due to the mix of club goers, tourists and strippers which were busy either going home for the night or getting an early start on the tour route.

Shampoo of the Joketsuzoku looked around her and noted this location. It was rare for a member of her tribe traveling outside of Jusenkyo valley to find a city or town that could become an outpost. With Hawaii's mix of East and West, not to mention the open use of several languages, her tribe could even set up a colony here and no-one else would notice.

Great-Grandmother Cologne would want to hear about Honolulu, Shampoo was sure of it.

Her mental planning was derailed when she noticed, for the thousandth time, that her travel partner was pouting big time.

"That girl will think twice about challenging 'red headed whores' in the future." Shampoo was trying to get Ranma out of this mental rut that the redhead had gotten herself into.

Ranma Saotome, martial arts living legend, God-Killer, had turned into a whiny bitch. Shampoo could hardly decipher half of what the aquatransexual was muttering, but it probably has something to do with a challenge she accepted earlier.

"And.... in one night, you completely refilled our money belts. It's enough money that we can consider air travel or a cruise line as options to reach California, Ranma. No cargo holds this time!"

"Well... there is that. I'm starving. Let's get some food and then find a place to sleep." Shampoo should have tried food as a distraction already. Damn, too much big city life is making her go soft.

"If you don't like what happened tonight, then maybe now you will remember not to accept every challenge that gets tossed out there. Honestly, Ranma, she wasn't even a fighter."

Ranma said nothing as she brought up one of the six inch stripper shoes she was carrying and scratched the top of her head with it's stiletto heel.

"Maybe you're right." As the two turned into a twenty-four hour buffet restaurant, Shampoo teased Ranma by re-adjusting the redhead's 'Club Femme Nu 1996 Exotic Dancer Champion' sash. It was sure to get more than a little attention in a restaurant full of young sailors.

Chapter End

Dirty Omake – Lav-Lav, Pav-Pav and Pad-Pad

"Gawd, that's disgusting!" Princess Serenity number Thirty-eight, also known as Lavender Brown, blurted out.

"I didn't do anything?" Parvati Patil, who is currently The Chosen-One-of-Ninety-Four, looked on with as innocent and clueless an expression as 'he' could make. He failed miserably as most blokes tend to do after climax. The innocent part is what they fail at; clueless is easy.

"Then why is my hand covered in your seed?!"

Princess Serenity-Brown slowly pulled her hand out of Harry Potter-Patil's pants. A thick, sticky line of white fluid snaked its way from her palm to her elbow.

"Is that Patil seed, or is it Potter's? Hmmm.... Anyway, there must be more to being a bloke that writing your name in the snow and asking girls to 'kiss it'." Twenty points to Ravenclaw, Miss Patil.

"I don't have any idea how these things work. I've only been a bloke for, like, twelve minutes now." Parvati was feeling really, really relaxed at the moment and her sister's barbs weren't effecting her like they normally would.

"And it only took you five minutes to get Lavender's hand inside your knickers. I think most boys I know would be impressed." Padma ignored the teenaged porn failure developing on the opposite bench and continued reading this year's Charms text.

"Shows what a whore your best friend is, then, yeah?" Lavender may have asked Parvati the question, but it was aimed at Padma.

"Shut it! You're not a whore. Whores get paid, you know." That backhanded compliment was courtesy of Parvati.

"Oh, so I'm easy then? I'm a slag am I?" The Moon Princess crossed her arms under her chest and glared at Faux Harry. Bad move. Potter-Patil man seed was now spreading up and down both of Lav-Lav's arms.

"If you want Harry Potter to eat your pussy on the Hogwarts Express, then yes, you are!"

Padma continued to listen to the two Gryffindors even as she read. Pav-Pav was acting a bit out of sorts... maybe it was the new plumbing affecting her... him... whatever. Could her sister feel the effects of her monthly visitor in a male body?

Padma idly wondered if anyone trustworthy would like to participate in a polyjuice research project this year about behavioral differences due to sex. She was feeling a bit randy herself, truth be known.

"Well... okay, I'm a slag. But just for the train ride! Or, if the real Harry Potter wants what I have to offer, then I'm a slag for him too!" Lavender knew her own morals and knew that both Patils knew them too.

"Right then. Well, Princess, it looks like Mister Potter is about ready for another go. Are you up for some oral and then a good shagging?" Princess Serenity-Brown smiled and got on her knees before the re-inflating Patil-Who-Lived.

"Oh bloody hell!" Parvati hissed out a few head-bobs later, "I can see why they like this so much!"

As Parvati's eyes started rolling into the back of their sockets, Padma looked over the lip of her book.

Maybe they wouldn't notice if she slipped a hand under her robe and did a little relaxing. She wasn't perving at all! It was... research on, umn, intimate relationships. Then Harry and Ron's debts would be paid.

Harry owed the Patil girls this much after that ghastly Yule ball experience.

End Dirty Omake