Compulsive Revisitation

Kurisu waited at the hotel desk, her eyes heavy with the morning, two suitcases at her side. At length a bleary-eyed attendant came shuffling out of the breakroom and solemnly took her key. With a half-hearted nod, Kurisu turned from the desk, picked up her bags, and stumbled out of the hotel.

The sight of a lanky, dark-haired figure in a white coat immediately jolted her into wakefulness. Okabe Rintarou, the madman from the night before, was slumped against the wall of the bus stop.

She considered running, but she had a flight to catch and the nearest bus stop was a good half-mile away. So she marched up to the bus stop and glared at the man. "Did you follow me back to the motel, you hentai!?" She fumed.

Okabe's red-rimmed eyes blinked slowly at her. "No need." He stretched and yawned. "This is where you stayed last time."

"Last... right. Time machine." Kurisu snorted. "Come on, seriously now, how did you find it? What are you even doing here?"

Okabe shrugged as he straightened up. "I couldn't sleep." He admitted. "So I ran down here and I... just..." He shrugged helplessly.

Kurisu sighed. "Whatever. Move over, there's no room on the bench."

Okabe slid obligingly over and Kurisu seated herself defiantly next to him, pulling her two suitcases next to her and staring straight ahead with a furious energy.

For a short bit, there was an awkward morning silence.

"So your flight leaves at 7?"

"That is seriously creepy. What is that more of your time-travel bullshit?"

Okabe blinked at her. "No, I looked up what flights were leaving for the US today."

"Oh." That made her feel a little stupid. "Wait, so you don't know this from your time travel?"

"No." Okabe shook his head. "You never really left in any of the timelines. Well, you did in one, but that would have been several weeks ago."

"Sure." But Kurisu's heart gave a great throb. It was probably just a coincidence, but her original flight had been slated to leave about two weeks ago.

Okabe was staring at her in a half-awake, abstract fashion. "You look like you didn't get much sleep either." He noted.

"I... had a lot of packing to do." Kurisu answered.

"Two suitcases? I've seen Daru pack more for a trip to convencon."

"The rest is being mailed. That's cheaper than paying for a flight luggage fee."

That seemed to stop Okabe for a bit, but then a grin flickered across his face. "Liar. You only had the two suitcases last time. These are all you ever packed."

"I travel light, okay?" Kurisu snapped at him as the bus pulled up. "There's not much a girl like me actually needs." She shouldered her bags and moved toward the bus. "Goodbye." Without looking back, she climbed on the bus, handed her fare to the driver, and plopped down in a seat. Sighing, she leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes...

"You were up all night thinking about time travel, weren't you?"

"YOU!" Kurisu's eyes shot open and she glared at Okabe, seated calmly just across the aisle from her. "Why are you following me?"

"Admit it. You know it's true. You weren't so much trying to think about how it might be possible so much as reasons for why it couldn't be possible."

"Because there are so many more of those." Kurisu snapped.

"Yeah, but they don't bother you. If you honestly thought it was crazy, you'd just have dismissed it as the ravings of a madman." Okabe leaned back on the seat as the bus started to move.

"I..." Checking herself, Kurisu folded her arms and looked out the window. She refused to even engage with this fool.

"Kurisu."

Staring.

"Kurisu, c'mon."

Out.

"Kurisu, please."

The.

"Kurisu, just talk to me. Say anything."

Window.

A groan, and a thump. "Why..." she heard him moan. "Why would... this has to be the Stein's Gate choice... but why..."

Again she nearly turned, if only to attack his ridiculously deterministic views on life and fate, but she stopped and resumed her staring. Never argue with idiots. She told herself firmly. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. It was a mantra that had served her to great purpose for years in 4channeller boards.

A sigh hissed into her ear and she jumped, whirling around. Okabe had slid into the seat next to her, completely defeating her internet-based argument tactic. But oddly, he didn't say anything, he just stared at the floor morosely. "Why?" He asked finally, his eyes flitting up to her. "Why are you being like this? Every other timeline, every other occasion, I always turned to you for help, explained what was going on with the alternate histories, explained what had happened to me. You always believed me. You were always my guiding hand, telling me what to do." His head lifted a bit more and he stared directly into her eyes. "But now you're running from me and I... I'm lost and I..." He swallowed. "Why can't you just trust me?"

Kurisu, looking deep into the man's troubled eyes, swallowed. She fought back an instinctive desire to embrace this man, embrace his insanity, trust in his impossibilities... but no! This was crazy, this was stupid, there was no way... Kurisu tore her eyes away, unable to bear the pain in those eyes anymore. "I'm sorry." She said, struggling to keep her voice under control. "But I... I barely... I don't even know you, really. I mean, you saved my life..."

"We knew each other. We saved each other. We loved each other." The man insisted.

"No! None of that happened!"

"You remember, you must remember." Okabe's eyes studied her. "You even said you did, in the other timelines. You said you had hazy dreams of Mayushi dying, of making the time machine. They're like memories of dreams, rushing on you at unplanned moments. Think, Kurisu, you must remember!" He pleaded. "Don't ignore the facts!"

"I'm not, I just..." Kurisu shifted uncomfortably in her seat and took a grip on the taser in her jacket. Ridiculous. Ridiculous! Knowing about the strange memories proved nothing.

She took a deep breath. "Look." She said, turning back to him. "I'm sorry you have this... strange... delusion about me." Okabe's face tore at her heart, but she continued resolutely on. "But... you have to move on, and so do I. I have a life in America to get back to... you have a life here that you should be attending to."

Okabe just stared at her, his face too broken for words.

"I'm sorry." Her voice trembled a little and she sought to regain control of it. "Per-perhaps... if there'd been more time... if we'd gotten to know each other better..." She coughed and shook her head. "But I can't put off going back any longer. Not for someone I've barely known for a day." She tried a smile. "It... just wasn't meant to be, Okabe. We're meant to live separate lives."

Okabe looked down. He looked away. He leaned back in his chair, looked up at the ceiling, and let out a great shuddering sigh. "Yes." He finally admitted. "Yes, perhaps you're right. Perhaps it could never have worked. Not in any timeline. Perhaps that is just the way of the world." Another deep sigh, less shudder. "Stein's Choice is cruel, to dangle you before me like this, make me think..." He shook his head. "...but it is what it is."

"...I'm glad you agree." Kurisu said, trying to believe it.

"Well, this is where we part ways." Kurisu smiled. She and Okabe were standing at the station, her bag in her hand.

"Right." Okabe looked subdued. He hadn't mentioned Stein's Choice or the Organization or anything for the entire rest of the ride. He was simply standing there now, his hands shoved in his pockets, his long white lab coat trailing behind him.

It hurt just to look at him.

"Thanks again for... saving my life." Kurisu said, searching for some sort of statement to break the awkwardness.

"You're welcome." His head lifted, and he looked at her. "Perhaps... would you kiss me goodbye?"

"What!?" The blood rushed to Kurisu's face and she recoiled. "How... why would you... hentai... that is..."

"A goodbye kiss." He pleaded. "Nothing more. Just so that you will remember me." The ghost of a smile quirked his mouth. "Strongly emotional memories stored in the short-term section of the hippocampus are very hard to forget. "

Kurisu blinked at him. "That's... correct, actually. I'm surprised you know that." She coughed. "F-fine then. But... but just a kiss. Nothing more."

Okabe smiled as if remembering something.

Taking a deep breath, Kurisu stepped forward, up closer to the tall, lanky man. He made no move, save to lean in and slightly dip his head. She supposed she would have to do it all herself. Even with his head dipped, he was still amazingly tall... she'd have to stand on tiptoe and... why oh why had she agreed to this in the first place?

Growling at her own hesitancy (it was just a kiss, there was no need to freak out about it, half of her friends did it all the time) Kurisu grabbed the lapels of the man's coat, dragging him down to a more kiss-able level.

Again he smiled and then, strangely, closed his eyes.

For a moment Kurisu wondered if she should feel insulted, but in reality she felt more relieved. It felt so weird to be doing this... in public... with this man she... oh for goodness sake it was just a kiss! With another rush of self-irritation, Kurisu dragged the man down as she pushed up on her toes to kiss him.

...itwas the only way the only way warmskinsoftscentoftearsfeelingbreathfingers ghosting through her hair cupping the backof herskull...

...there was a hand cupping the back of her skull, Kurisu realized, as she tried to recoil from the memory. Okabe's hand had threaded through her hair and was pressing her in so that onemorekiss...

...mustsave Mayurii from the half-rememberedtragedy only solution to abnegateoneself cease to exist replaced with the murdered girl in the hallway...

The wind blew around them, it carried the scent of the station on the breeze...

...leave now never to see again not really death justanothersort of existence interesting theory littlecopter in hand wood brushes against palm suddenfloodingofrealizationloveloveloveLOVE...

Kurisu was pressing forward now, kissing Okabe almost hungrily.

...notdoingthisbecauseIwant to memories stored in the short term section of the hippocampus with strong emotional ties are very hard to forget, I figure you're a hentai who'll rehearse this scene over and over again making it a long-term memory...

...sorry to disappoint you, but that wasn't my first kiss...

...if only this moment could last forever...

But it was already over. Kurisu found the lips fading away from her and she was left to stare, red-faced, at a tenderly-smiling Okabe. "You realize that you could have just kissed me on the cheek." He noted. "But I understand that you want your first kiss to be memorable."

"That... that wasn't... my first..." Kurisu's fingers touched her lips. No, it hadn't been. She remembered her first.

"No?" Okabe's face fell. "Oh, well, then you might not remember after all."

The vestiges of a half-forgotten answer, like something out of a dream, came to Kurisu and she smiled. "No." She answered, looking up at him. "I think that might have left a weak impression. It might not become a long-term memory."

Dawning hope, joy lighting up Okabe's face.

"So." Kurisu pulled him down. "Once more."

A/N: Sorry this took so long. I did get sidetracked on other projects, but honestly I simply couldn't decide how to finally convince Kurisu. For a moment it was a memory flash of Okabe handing her the bamboo copter, and there was a short period where it was just the sheer improbability of the whole thing, but then I decided to more or less rehash the kissing scene (which lets face it, it was pretty awesome.) It could probably be better, but stories always can.

Anyway. It's done, and I hope you enjoyed it. Honestly I didn't expect this series to go on so long, and I'm happy with the attention it's received.