Not that anyone will read this, but I'm too bored waiting for my phone to charge.

Hello friends, I'm a Canadian. Most of this stuff is outdated and I'm just too lazy to update.

I remember googling for Percy Jackson and Annabeth info (shush, I like fluffy romance ok?) and I stumbled upon a Percabeth story that won the winter awards or something. Anyways, I read it and thoroughly enjoyed it, I began hungering for more.

I'll skip 3 and a half years of sifting through fanfiction to read and tell you what I like in a format one may find quite similar to that of Digitize27's (essentially identical)

When do I update my stories? When I feel like I'm at proper standards for the day, which is to say almost never.

Things about me- I'm human. I like vidya games, working out, eating food, making food, writing up imaginary worlds with their own unique situations that often feature characters/plotlines/civilizations/government systems ranging from the real world to Dune and Warhammer 40k (I dont actually read or play, I just find Warhammer memes particularly funny), whenever one shows up. game of thrones is also pretty cool, I like Sandor and Tywin.

i dislike- Hypocrites, hypocampi, hippos, hypertension, flat earthers, extreme atheists/religious/legitanyonethatcan'tseethemeritsofanopposingviewpoint. Oh and pineapples. Fuck. That.

Politics? I believe that the scenarios around us shape who we are (shocker) as people and that also rings true for those on the political spectrum. I will keep this mine private cuz I don't want to spoil my stories with real-life politics. (Note in case you all are thinking it, I'm not a Trump supporter, so chillax. To all the Trump supporters, I like oranges they're my favourite fruit, also I like cotton candy. Take that as you will.)

Goals in life- 1. not be a failure 2. find an actual fukken goal

Lemons- Not gonna ever write them in detail to be honest. Maybe a scene leading up to or after lemon.

Favourite Authors: These authors are generally well known, and forgive me if I miss some but I'm just pulling them from the top of my head really.

Digitize27- This guy is a beast. I read Sage as it was on it's 63rd chapter, and until then I had found less than 10 stories with writing as good as his if not better. He has a great insight on how characters interact with each other, making even his OC's seem like actual canon characters that fans could like more than actual canon characters. His fight scenes are wonderfully made, definitely one of the best in Narutodom. His writing style gets better and better with each new three or four chapters, if you read "Red and Yellow Makes" by him, you can see great potential in writing if not a bit amateurish. Then his next stories "Sage" and "Small Changes" start becoming more refined and thought out, less awkward transitions and such. After that, "Plucking Strings" and "Kusari no Naruto" become his latest stories, still ongoing along with "Small Changes". In my opinion Plucking Strings is his best story in terms of how much it is like an actual novel with Naruto elements in them. Easily my top two favourie author.

Kenchi618- Similar to Digi, but on a more bro-ish kind of way. He's like the cool guy who likes anime kind of guy, except he's a badass. From what he told me at least, so I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and go with whatever he says is true (Which is very likely as he consistently keeps that shit up, good job Kenchi for keepin that shit up). He has a bunch of long-ass stories which is a treat for whoever likes those, however his stories do tend to get boring after a while. No offense, my Pope. If you are reading this I am a Log believer, and fervently wishes with my heart to create a story truly worthy of the Log, but alas it is not within my grasp. I simply lack the talents.

lord of the land of fire- This is easily one of the most recognizable names in Naruto fanfiction, actually he also holds top spots for Rosario Vampire fanfictions also. While his stories are old and his muse has gone relatively quiet these past few years on Naruto fics, he still remains a premier name amongst many fanfiction realms, and his stories are a must read for any Naruto lover. I also have the great pleasure of meeting his friend MistressWinowyll on Youtube. Apparently he liked my comment...

BloodRed13- His story "The Princess of Konoha" is extremely detailed and insightful on how the ninja world operates, a subject where many authors have tried and failed to explain with enough realism and logic. The fight scenes are one of the best in all of fanfiction, I highly recommend you read it. Oh and it's a joint operation with his twin, who's name has escaped me. Sorry James. Seriously check this guy out Naruto fanfiction needs his story on the 1k list.

Eilwynn- Probably most well-known for her femNaruto story "The Right to Live" which is the premier femNaruto story for anyone who likes that genre. Unfortunately she has abandoned the story after it had caused one too many car accidents among the hopeful candidates hoping to adopt the story. She is currently on a Bleach Blitzkrieg right now and putting out tons of Bleach stories, I recommend you read them as her writing skills are top notch.

There are probably more that I forgot to mention, so sorry to those people.

As for stories... I have too many of them, way way waaaay too many of them. At least enough for me not to want to write about every single one.

My Stories-

My writing style is... Well I don't really know, haven't written enough to know. Oh and since I'm dumb and lack creative I sometimes use cool quotes from real works of fiction, so if you see a familiar quote its probably from someone who actually writes for a living.

Criticisms of Fanfiction: Its ironic that I write a list of criticisms of writing and yet I can't write myself, but here it is anyways.

-Bashing is a cheap and easy way to create antagonism and fuel the reader's sympathies with the hero. After all, who among us couldn't connect with the feeling of frustration and anger against a person being unreasonable to the point of being moronic?

"2 plus 2=4. " says the Hero.

The villain/antagonist/character-who-the-author-hates-and-is-bashing begins frothing at mouth, "NUh uHh iTS 5."

"Uhh, Hero's right." replied Side Character B. The entire room is silent at the revelation. Hot Romance Character who is with Bashed Character but now looks longingly at the Hero.

"REEEE!" screamed the Bashed Character, who then proceeds to do something irrational and further cement the fact that they are, in fact, brain-dead, though likely not of their own volition. Lookin' at you, author.

Okay perhaps a slight exaggeration, but whatever.

-Poorly written OP characters, not in the sense of them being much stronger than everyone else, but because they aren't really challenged. Take many HP fics for example: an eleven-year old is able to outmaneuver crafty politicians or 14/15 year olds who outduel those who've had decades of experiences and connections in a matter of months? That's just unrealistic. "But Zarosian," you might say, "It's fanfiction! Its a fan-made-magical-universe about a magical universe, its not supposed to be realistic!" and to which I agree, to a certain extent.

For a young protagonist to outwit or defeat an opponent they would have otherwise been unable to in canon, there must be a good explanation for it for it to be a good fic. He's a heir of slytherin and hes been doing wandless magic for years at home? Great. Can he still defeat the Dark Lord at the age of 17? Possibly, if you write it in a way where his training seems realistic and within the parameters of the world in which you've created. In Canon, Harry defeats Voldemort not because he's not more powerful than the Dark Lord, but because through a series of events, he comes to own the Elder Wand which Voldemort wields, and uses the laws previously established (the Wand cannot betray its True Master, which is Harry) to defeat Voldemort. Regular wands, and Harry would've been crushed. But the author found a way to circumvent this, making his defeat satisfying. If J.K. Rowling had decided on a massive duel at the end in which Harry won off of sheer power, that would've been bullshit.

Ultimately I think it's a symptom of the author's inability to conjure a proper adversary and engaging enough conflict to challenge the protagonist, which, in other harsh words, their lack of ability to write.

-Naruko Uzumaki: The Red Death of The Leaf is not my first story, however it is my first Naruto story and it is incredibly bad. Like really bad. Don't read it. Like at all. But I guess since you are reading through this you have to care somewhat... Right? Anyways, here is the story idea: Naruko Uzumaki is an orphan from the Kyuubi attack on Konoha. This is mildly AU, my attempt to give some realism to the Shinobi system set in canon which was murky at best. We don't really know the number of shinobi in any village, the training process seems to be very lax in Konoha considering they are suppose to be training soldiers/assassins. I'll revisit this when I have acceptable writing skills. Probably never gonna happen.

-The Dragon and Fox is my third story. My very first one sucked, and I've deleted it, as it was written by an eighth grade me, who was a total shithead. Premise behind this is that Azula meets Naruto at a young age, and that he'll become an extremely close confidant (later lover) to her. I don't know exactly where I'm headed with this story but I do have the end goal thought out. Problem is getting there...

Stories that need to be heard

These stories are relatively unknown, not reaching the 1k mark even though they provide a more interesting plot, dialogue and insight than half of the stories over the 1k mark.

-The Princess of Konoha by BloodRed13 and KageJames is a mild AU story where instead of the Uchiha being number one on Konoha's clan hierarchy, it's the Hyuuga. And they are treated like noblemen for obvious reasons, with Hinata being considered their 'Koushi-sama' or princess and Naruto being a lowly orphan who falls in friendship(?) with her and makes it his goal to become her best friend. A great story with realistic, even if I do find it a bit slow, character development and power-ups wise. Definitely a great read. Filler chapters do get annoying though.

GREATEST STORIES I HAVE EVER READ

I have extremely high standards for stories that I read nowadays. I won't even touch a good chunk of what is on my favourite's list, as it was added when I was younger and had less developed taste in fanfiction. I realize that this is coming off as extremely douchey and arrogant, so I'll extend an olive branch- I don't hate people who write bad stories (I'm one of them), not everyone can be a naturally gifted writer and I understand that. These are a bunch of stories that I think are cream of the top, out of all the ones I have browsed and read (and there are many I assure you).

-Written in Reverse by JMenace One of my all time top favourite stories. I daresay, top 3, along with The Black Prince by Cxjenious and Harry Potter and the Boy Who Lived by The Santi. Beautifully written, it has it's own style and panache to it, it is, in my opinion, the perfect blend of fanfiction and canon. The author doesn't treat us like children, leaving subtle clues and while weaving the groundwork for an amazing story. In this story, GOD it's just so enjoyable to read, I cannot recommend this enough to anyone who likes Naruto stories.

-The Black Prince by Cxjenious is perhaps the best Game of Thrones/ASOIAF piece of fiction out there not written by one George R.R. Martin. I feel like this person is an actual author themselves, because the dialogue and scene transition, along with the description and story telling, is so akin to Tolkien and Martin's writing style that I am partially convinced that this is Martin's fanfiction account. I've written several drafts for a GoT fanfiction, but each time I hesitate to submit it knowing I can never hope to create something as good as this story. Extremely good story, however, like Written in Reverse, is not subject to constant updates.

-All the Naruto stories by Digitize27 are all fantastic, and probably the best in their sub-sub genre in all of Narutodom. Unfortunately he is rushing to end these stories, leaving you wanting more and left with a feeling of emptiness. I wish he had taken things slower, but I understand that many authors have difficulty completing a story no matter how talented a writer they are. Please I recommend you, read any of his Naruto-related stories and you'll be blown away.