HELLO i am KingKage73! I am 23, have 5 dogs and a cat, 6 tattoos so far, dark brown hair and eyes, and love finding new TV shows/movies, books, and songs.

the fandoms I am in are:

Doctor Who Supernatural Marvel DC Star Trek Star Wars Once Upon a Time Merlin Stargate The Chronicles of Narnia Pirates of the Caribbean Sherlock Avengers John Green Lord of the Rings My little pony Percy Jackson HarryPotter Good omens

If you can read this message, you are blessed because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all:

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty

uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal

pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a

rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't

mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the

olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer

be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl

mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed

ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling

was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you could read that put it in your profile

IF YOU COPY AND PASTE RANDOM STUFF WHATEVER YOU SEE THAT SAYS COPY AND PASTE, COPY AND PASTE THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE!!

If you like to write, copy and paste this into your profile.

PLEASE READ WHAT'S UNDER THIS!!

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.

Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it

Ninety-five percent of kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're not, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name onto the list: AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactively Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, The Gypsy Pirate Queen, xGarbiellaxBoltonx, xEarlySunsetsOverMonroevillex, Smartest Girl In The World, GatorPups95, 'rEd RoSe-FiRe-StArFiRe', MyHeroRaven, xCanYouHandleThisx, Forbidden Dragon, OceanSapphire, KousukeAsazuki, X-Factor-Glory, Akako Hama, NyteSkieKurokawa, Shinigami240, ramen-luver101

If you actually read through this entire thing, and sorted out the ones that fit you, copy/paste this on your profile.

DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAGH I haven't been able to look at the ceiling at night since.A girl died in 1933.A man buried her in the ground when she was still alive.The murderer chanted , Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this in your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded. Lucillia

YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN 2009 WHEN...

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are totally confused right now copy this onto your profile.

98 percent of teenagers do drugs and alcohol. If you like bagels, copy this into your profile.

93 percent of teenagers would have an emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you are part of the 7 percent that would say "What was your first clue?” copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever walked into a wall, copy this onto your profile

If you have read past 2 in the morning, copy this onto your profile

If you are addicted to copy and pastes, copy and paste this into your profile

People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door

If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do

If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile

If you've had at least two friends move away from you...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have copied and pasted the above some more than twice...copy and paste this onto your profile

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.

We fall for stupid boys we make lots of dumb mistakes we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenager grls, we're really going at one thing, staying strong.

You're just jealous because the voices in my head talk to me and not you.

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

All the good ones are either gay, married, vampires or fictional characters in books or movies.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.

Before you criticize some one, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you’re a mile away and you still have their shoes.

One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

I smile because I have no idea what’s going on.

Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepare to shatter.

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you laugh at something that happened yesterday in the dead silence. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!

You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, I get a paddle boat and save your stupid a--.

I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

COPY AND PASTE - R'S:

if there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile.

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're nocturnal, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you think disclaimers are the most annoying thing ever copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you have an insane friend then copy this to your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

Pluto was declared no longer a planet on August 27 of 2006 just because it was 'too small' and 'off its orbit' for a couple scientists' likings. If you still think Pluto should be a planet or if it really ticks you off, then copy and paste this to your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when its weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate dogs,or just hate dogs that disobey and are annoying, copy and paste this into your profile.

Only in America are we this stupid:

1. Only in America ...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America ...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America ...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America ...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America ...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America ...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America ...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America ...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America ...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'

10. Only in America ...do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER...

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why do cows fly on but the cheese is green?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

I didn't write the stuff in the parenthesis)

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods: (

On a Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping. (that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos!
..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)

On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news fl ash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

On T-Rat (Military food):
Its not for Human Consumption, Animals and Military Use only... (Ummm yeeeaaah... isn't military also human)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.

21 THINGS TO DO IN A VERY LARGE SHOPPING CENTRE

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay-buy.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera; & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "go, pikachu, go!"

17. Challenge people to duels in the back aisles with wrapping paper tubes.

18. Have a conversation with yourself loud enough so that people in the other aisles can hear you.

19. Throw things over one aisle into another one.

20. Mark out price tags with a sharpie

21. Open a large bottle of oil and splash it on the floor, then wait for someone with a trolley to go through, just to see what happens

22. Get in one of the beds in the bedding depatmant and then shout out "Turn out the light"

_ If you have ever done one of the things on that list, copy and past this into your profile, and add another thing at the bottom of the list as number 23. _

Gibbs' Rules

Rule #1: Never let suspects stay together. Rule #1: Never screw over your partner.

Rule #2: Always wear gloves at a crime scene.

Rule #3: Don't believe what you're told. Double check. Rule #3: Never be unreachable.

Rule #4: The best way to keep a secret? Keep it to yourself. Second best? Tell one other person - if you must. There is no third best.

Rule #5: You don't waste good.

Rule #6: Never apologize — Its a sign of weakness.

Rule #7: Always be specific when you lie.

Rule #8: Never take anything for granted.

Rule #9: Never go anywhere without a knife.

Rule #10: Never get personally involved on a case. (Said by Tony, agreed on by Gibbs)

Rule #11: When the job is done, walk away.

Rule #12: Never date a coworker.

Rule #13: Never, ever involve a lawyer.

Rule #15: Always work as a team.

Rule #16: If someone thinks they have the upper-hand, …break it! (DiNozzo)

Rule #18: It's better to seek forgiveness than ask permission.

Rule #22: Never, ever bother Gibbs in interrogation.

Rule #23: Never mess with a Marine's coffee if you want to live.

Rule #27: Two ways to follow: First way, they never notice you, — second way, they only notice you.

Rule #35: Always watch the watchers.

Rule #38: Your case, your lead.

Rule #39: There is no such thing as coincidence.

"The 40's are for Emergency Use Only!"

Rule #40: If it seems someone is out to get you, they are.

Rule #42: Never accept an apology from some someone who just sucker punched you.

Rule #44: First things first. Hide the women and children.

Rule #45: Clean up your own mess.

Rule #51: Sometimes you're wrong!

Rule #69: Never trust a woman who doesn't trust her man.

You're a 90's kid if:

You can finish this 'ice ice _'

You remember watching Doug, Ren & Stimpy, Pinky and the Brain, Bobby's World, Felix the cat, The Tick...AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!

You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"

You just cant resist finishing this . . . "Iiiiiiin west philidelphia born and raised . . ."

You remember TGIF, Step by Step, Family Matters, Dinosaurs, and Boy Meets World.

You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.

You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school. (Wouldn't know)

You remember reading "Goosebumps"

You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.

You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not

If you remember seeing hot tub bubbles make bubbly sounds before every music video on VH1.

when everything was settled by rock paper scissors..or bubble gum bubble gum in a dish...eeny meeny miney mo...and even better daddy had a donkey inky binky bonky.

You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time on an actual cassette tape at that.

"Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" was both a game and a TV game show.

Captain Planet. He's a Hero.

You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green ranger, were meant to be together.

You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular.

You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny.

You remember watching Home Alone 1, 2 , and 3 . . . and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders"

You remember watching The Magic School Bus, Wishbone, and Reading Rainbow on PBS.

You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.

You remember those Where's Waldo books.

You remember eating Warheads.

You remember watching the 1st Batman, Aladdin, Ninja Turtles, and 3 Ninjas movies.

You remember Ring Pops.

You remember drinking Surge, and Tang.

If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!"

When they made the new lunchables so that you could make pizza AND tacos.

You remember boom boxes vs. cd players.

Making those little paper cootie-catcher things, and then predicting your life with them.

You played and/or collected "Pogs"

You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere.

. . . Furbies

Saved By The Bell was the coolest show ever!

You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet.

And Windows 95 was the best.

You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers, and Ninja Turtles.

Michael Jordan was a king.

YIKES pencils and erasers were the stuff!

All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.

You remember when the new Beanie Babies and Talking Elmo were always sold out.

You collected those Beanie Babies.

Mortal Kombat was awesome--the game and the movie

Carebears

Gak was the coolest stuff invented.

Lambchop's song never ended.

The old dollar bills. (Wouldn't know)

Silver dollars, which were cool to have. (Again, wouldn't know)

You remember a time before the WB.

You collected all the Troll dolls

You had to read Weekly Reader's in class.

If you even know what an original walkman is.

You remember wanting to sit on the orange Nickelodeon couch.

You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"

You know the Macarena by heart.

"Talk to the hand" . . . enough said

You always said, "Then why don't you marry it?!"

You remember trying to collect all 150 original pokemon cards but never could and if you did you thought you were all that!

You remember Highlight's magazine.

You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace.

You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.

Before the MySpace frenzy . . .

Before the Internet & text messaging . . .

Before Sidekicks & iPods . . .

Before MIKE JONES . . .

Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX . . .

Before Spongebob . . .

Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.

When light up sneakers were cool.

When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.

When gas was 0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was The new thing. (Or around 0.70-0.80 in Canada)

When we recorded stuff on VCRs.

When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off of our walkmans.

When gameboy was a brick.

You did MASH to figure out your future

When you weren't cool unless you had a Starter jacket.

Way back.

Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.

Who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much!!

Post this in your profile if you remember these days . . . .or if you smiled at one of these things

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.

The boys don’t want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

Things I have learned from Fanfiction (aka. some things that make me lovehate fanfiction).

1. Sex cures everything, including evilness.

2. The hero always gets the girl (or guy)

3.a. Sometimes the Hero is actually a disguised Heroine. This is pretty much never the other way around.

3.b... unless the hero is the "uke" in which case, bring on the drag.

4.a. People are always more powerful after they have been imprisoned unjustly.

4.b. Even (especially) if they've been starved, tortured, and otherwise kept in conditions that would make the guards at Guantanamo uncomfortable.

5. a. Binding your soul to someone for all eternity (who you do not know well/at all/just met) is not creepy.

5.b. Especially if you can now read your partner's mind whenever you feel like.

6. Stalking is romantic. Kidnapping or imprisoning someone is even more so.

7. Two people who hate each other always secretly love each other and AREN'T the worst idea for a relationship ever.

8. Scars are only disfiguring on the badguys. They make Heroes or Heroines look distinguished.

9.a. Anyone who doesn't like the hero is automatically a bad person.

9.b. This goes double if they're the ex- of the hero's love interest.

9.c. or if they dumped the hero. If this happens then by the end of the fic they are sorry.

10. Dating your student isn't creepy at all so long as they are mature/brilliant.

11. Everyone on a team can be paired with anyone else on that team. In case of odd numbers, (ex-)rivals are also acceptable.

12. The Hero can be randomly related to almost anyone from any canon. Bonus points if they have the same surname.

13. If a (magical) macguffin/inheritance/power exists, it is only a matter of time before the Hero either has it, or has access to someone who does.

14. Heroes do not get nice childhoods. Ever. The only exception is if their parents are brutally killed in front of them.

15. If at first you don't succeed, use timetravel to go back and try try again.

16. There is always homoerotic tension. Especially with rivals.

17. Love is always requited. If it isn't initially, the love interest changes their mind just after the Hero moves on.

18. The most logical way for two men to have a baby is for one of them to get pregnant. Finding a surrogate or adopting is not as romantic.

19. If the hero goes away, when they come back, everything has been put on hold for them.

20.a. The hero's girlfriend/boyfriend may spontaneously develop superpowers to match the hero.

20.b. These superpowers will generally be complimentary, or a variation of the hero's powers.

20.c. If the hero can change into an animal, then the love interest may be able to change into the same species.

21. If the hero is deaf or mute, then everyone can speak sign language, or learn it within a few weeks.

22.a. The Afterlife has a revolving door.

22.b. Unless the character was killed off-screen.

22.c. Or was evil!

22.d. Or had a competing love interest with the hero. (e.g. the wife that the hero's love interest picked up whilst the hero was presumed dead)

23. Pranks and pranksters are funny, not cruel, malicious, bullying or a pain in the neck.

24. Any of the above rules can be broken to serve the Greater Goddess of Angst.

A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle
Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!
Guy: No, this is fun.
Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: I love you, now slow down!
Guy: Now give me a big hug.
She gives him a big hug
Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.
In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died. Copy this onto your profile if you would do the same thing for someone you love

When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

Make like a guillotine and head off.

Some people are like slinkys...pretty much useless but still fun to push down the stairs.

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia." -Charles Schultz

the statistics of insanty is that 1 of every 4 people have a mental illness. Look at your three best friends, if they're ok, then it's you!

Just Because I Love You, Doesn't Mean I Won't Eat You

You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip. Jonathan Carroll

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear. Mark Twain

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Albert Einstein

Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. -Charlotte Whitton-

When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow -Kathy Buckley-

'I believe everybody in the world should have guns. Citizens should have bazookas and rocket launchers too. I believe that all citizens should have their weapons of choice. However, I also believe that only I should have ammunition. Because frankly, I wouldn't trust the rest of the goobers with anything more dangerous than string.'- Scott Adams

they say "guns dont kill people, people kill people.' Well, i think the gun helps, cuz if you just stood there and yelled BANG I don't think you'd kill too many people.

your weirdness is creeping out my imaginary friend

Before you critisize someone walk a mile in their shoes, that way you'll be a mile away and have their shoes!

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

On a tombstone: Remember man, as you walk by, As you are now, so once was I. As I am now, so shall you be. Remember this and follow me. To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone: To follow you I'll not consent, Until I know which way you went.

"I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating student as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear it up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you."

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

I need six months holiday… twice a year.

There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is full.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over.

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?

As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up.

Silence is golden, duct tape is silver

Make a man a fire, keep him warm for a day. Set a man on fire, keep him warm for life

Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!

If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?

Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it

My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that.

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out

Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason I loved you. I was doing fine till I ran out of stars.

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

Never go to bed angry, stay up and plot your revenge.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

The more I learn, the less I understand.

"My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone."

"If the opposite of 'pro' is 'con', then what's the opposite of 'progress'?"

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?

"I reject your reality and substitute my own." Adam Savage, Mythbusters

“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.” – Unknown

“When there's a will, I want to be in it.” – Unknown

'It's always in the last place you look' Well DUR! Because you stop looking after you find it! HELLO!

"True love is when you don't want to sleep because real life is so much better than a dream"

I'm a little teapot short and stout; here is my hande, here is my...other handle? Shit. now i'm a sugar bowl

I did what they say and chose the road less traveled... Now where the heck am I?

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love

Six hours later, I still hadn't managed to write a full sentence for the paper due the next morning. However, I did win 7 out of 245 games of Solitaire.

Commit the oldest sins, the newest kind of ways. William Shakespeare

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. Dean Martin

The nicest thing about quotes is that they give us a nodding acquaintance with the originator which is often socially impressive. Kenneth Williams

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. George Carlin

Don't be so humble. You're not that great. Golda Meir

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Don't drink and park; accidents cause people.

I'll be sober tomorrow, but you'll be ugly for the rest of your life.

Those who think they know everything annoy those of us that do.

(bumper sticker) This delinquent is having sex with your honor student.

Every time I say the word 'diet', I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

...(\ /)
=(o.o)=
Copy the bunny onto your profile to help him achieve world domination. Come join the dark side.
(We have cookies.)

So You Want to Be a Death Eater..Your guide to everything evil!This list may contain spoilers!

Greetings, new follower:

If you are reading this letter then you have doubtless been accepted into the select band of professional wizards known as the Death Eaters. If by some unprecedented chance you are reading this and you have not been accepted into the Death Eaters then I suggest you put down this letter and leave now, or the consequences for you will be as terrible as my lifelong study into the Dark Arts can make them.

Please find enclosed a short introductory guide to Death Eating, which you must memorise and then eat, to prevent security leaks. (Due to an unfortunate fatality last week, it is now permitted to cut the guide into small pieces before swallowing).

The next meeting is scheduled for midnight, 11th June, when I trust we will have the pleasure of watching your initiation ceremony. Please remember to bring a clean handsaw and enough twine. It's so distressing when people don't prepare for these events properly.

Yours in infamy,

Lord Voldemort
So You Want To Be A Death Eater?

Welcome to this helpful guide to being a Death Eater. This leaflet should provide you with all the information you need to become a successful servant to the Dark Lord. It will if you know what's good for you. Please read every page before eating.

Aims of the society:

World peace
To be evil
To conquer the world
Elimination of all Muggles
Elimination of all Mudbloods
Elimination of Albus Dumbledore & the Order of the Phoenix
Elimination of (miscellaneous)
To serve Lord Voldemort (that's me!)
To create sanctuaries for endangered breeds of snakes
This statement is a lie.

List of Equipment required for new Death Eaters:

(Equipment marked must be obtained from Messers. Gorgon & Black Limited, outfitters to the intensely evil and terminally stylish since 12 BC. Their premises are on Knockturn Alley, but they now do mail order as well.)

Long Black Robes (Casual)
Long Black Robes (Smart)
Short Black Robes (for summer wear)
Long Black cloak (silk is preferable to velvet, as it is much more absorbent)
Black mask (informal)
Black mask (sequined)
Black boots (Stiletto heels are no longer permitted)
Black leather gloves (barbed wire ornamentation optional)
Wand
Extra wand in case of losing first wand
Plastic imitation wand in case of losing Extra wand

Cane (For favored members only. Unauthorized possession of a cane will result in a heavy fine. Before possessing cane, it is necessary to pass a rigorous series of tests to ascertain that your carrying-a-cane-in-a-nonchalant-yet-evil-fashion skills are up to scratch).

Coffin
Dueling sword
Disguise kit, containing: Nun's outfit, false beard, beekeeping veil, Muggle policeman's costume, etc.
Saw
Assorted chains
Handcuffs
Pointy stick

Recommended Reading:

Curses and Counter-Curses by Professor Vindictus Viridian
Evil: A Beginners Guide by Professor E. Maledict
The Illustrated Torturer's handbook by Bellatrix Black
What Not to Wear in the Torture Chamber by Narcissa Malfoy
Sex, Lies, and Unforgivable Curses: The Authorised Biography of Lord Voldemort by Peter Pettigrew
Caring For Your New Tattoo: An Informative Guide St. Mungo's Hospital Skin Department

Death Eater may also own snake or dragon or hippogriff. But only Lord Voldemort may possess a basilisk.

Death Eater Rules:

No Death Eater shall be a spy for Dumbledore.
No Death Eater shall play the harmonica.
All Death Eaters must be proficient in the Dark Arts: murder, Unforgivable Curses, yodeling etc. An annual examination will be made to make sure that all members are up to scratch.
No Death Eater shall behave with integrity unless it is a genuine accident.
A Death Eater must be pureblooded.
No Death Eater must ever mention that the Dark Lord himself is not pureblooded.
No Death Eater may kill another Death Eater without a very good reason.
All Death Eaters shall answer Lord Voldemort's summons immediately. (Unless you are having a shower, in which case it is permitted to don a bath robe first.)
All Death Eaters shall have vaguely sinister surnames.
All Death Eaters shall overtake on the left.

Frequently Asked Questions:

What happens if Voldemort is displeased with me?

As this is a fairly run (and currently short-staffed) organization, you will probably receive a warning. And some soul-destroying torture. A second offense and you will probably die a slow death. Options include:

Being slowly eaten by a manticore.
Being dissolved in a vat of basilisk venom.
Gradual impalement on your own wand.
Death by Mandrake (according to season).
The Pancake curse. (This newly developed spell will carve you into wafer-thin slices. Victims killed in this way are traditionally cooked in hot fat and served with maple syrup or lemon juice at Death Eater feasts.)
Being flayed alive and used as a life-sized glove puppet at Death Eater children's parties.
Avada Kedavra (if we're in a hurry/ feeling rather unimaginative).

What should I do if I decide to leave the organization?

Make your funeral arrangements as quickly as possible.

(See above)

What is the salary like?

You should be in this job for the principle of the thing, not for sordid reasons. So let's just say that it's much, much better than they pay at the Ministry. There will also be opportunities for pillage, looting, theft, etc., and Christmas bonuses are guaranteed.

Does the Dark Mark hurt?

Of course it does; this is an evil society after all. What are you, a wimp?

Can the Dark Mark be removed by laser treatment?

No. Only a moron would ask such a stupid question.

But it can be temporarily obscured by a good-quality concealer. (Make sure it's a shade darker than your skin tone, as a lighter shade will simply draw attention to the tattoo. Pat translucent powder over the concealer to make it last longer.)

Is there a retirement age for Death Eaters?

You probably won't live long enough to have to deal with this problem.

Can I kill personal enemies or just opponents of Voldemort?

Murder is encouraged on principle; however, personal killings should be reserved for each individual Death Eater's free time, as obviously serving Lord Voldemort is much more important. Occasional massacre outings/ dark revels may take place as rewards for good (i.e. bad) behavior.

What should I do if Voldemort is defeated at the height of his powers by a one-year-old boy?

This circumstance is so unlikely that there is no point devising a protocol to deal with it.

The Death Eater Anthem (to be memorised by each new recruit as soon as possible). Please note that this tune should never, never, never, never be sung to the tune of "Blackadder," an inane Muggle television program to which we are completely oblivious and never watch. Honestly.

Who lurk beneath the undergrowth?
When all is dim and dark?
Who murder people in their beds
Or sometimes in the park?
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
Our blood is pure as pure!
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
We all love Voldemort!
We serve the Dark Lord every day,
We're always very loyal
And if with us you don't agree
We'll boil you in hot oil!
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
We're evil as can be!
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
But if we're scared we'll flee!
Our curses are incredible.
We're known for our Morsmordres
And though our leader is insane
We always follow orders.
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
We're wickedness collective!
Death Eaters! Death Eaters!
Yet rather ineffective!

Health and Safety:

Being a Death Eater is naturally a dangerous job. Lord Voldemort accepts no liability for any pain/suffering/torture/impalement/loss of limbs/grievous bodily harm/disintegration/insanity/imprisonment/loss of soul/death which you may experience while in his service. No good will come of any attempts to sue him as a negligent employer. Trust us.

However, in order to protect members, these safety guidelines have been developed for Death Eaters both during leisure time and on missions for the Dark Lord:

Don't try to take out Harry Potter yourself. It is extremely presumptuous. Leave it to Lord Voldemort, who has much more practice.

Employ masterly deceit to conceal your allegiance to the Dark Lord: e.g., if someone accuses you of being a Death Eater, laugh carelessly and say: "No, I am not a Death Eater. Would you like a cup of tea?" This Machiavellian trickery should be enough to convince them.

If this does not convince your accuser, have them discreetly murdered. (Sussex and Fox Ltd, of 13, Knockturn Alley, run a very efficient assassination service and are currently offering cut-price deals for friends and associates of the Dark Lord. Present your membership card at the counter for further details.)

Keep your wand on you at all times, even if you are asleep/on a hot date/in the bath/on the beach/wearing very tight-fitting leather garments (or all of these at once).

Ostentatious indicators of evil, such as manic laughter/dressing entirely in black swooshy robes (Snape, this means you)/ making sinister comments/killing people should be practiced only in private.

If you suspect someone of being a spy, kill them and their family at the first opportunity. If it turns out they were not a spy at all, pass it off as a light-hearted practical joke.

Only eat food prepared by yourself or your faithful minions. Do not trust your spouse(s)/partner(s), no matter how pretty he/she/they may be.

Similarly, do not accept drinks from anyone. This may cause offense when visiting a pub or bar but it's better than being dead. Obviously.

Do not take off your mask for any reason while on a mission. If people see your face while you are conjuring the Dark Mark/ massacring etc, they may suspect that you are a Death Eater.

Do not try to smoke while wearing your mask, as it is not fireproof.

Never address your colleagues by name while on a mission. Survivors may recall it at a later date. For the same reason, never mention your address or telephone number to anyone you are kidnapping/raping/torturing/killing, no matter how attractive they may be. Evil relationship experts have stated that romance is unlikely to flourish under such circumstances anyway.

Burn all sensitive documents. Not only will this deter spies, it is also amusing as it contributes to global warming.

Set up an anti-Apparating spell round your residence (but make sure you have a Portkey handy so you're not embarrassingly trapped there if the place is attacked by Aurors).

Prepare a secret hideout for yourself should your cover be blown. Failure to do this may lead to your sharing a hideout with another Death Eating family, which often results in friction over use of bathroom facilities, television, etc.

Don't upset Lord Voldemort. It will only end in tears. (And multiple burns, fractured limbs, mortal torment, etc.)

Things I'm not allowed to do at Hogwarts

145. It is not necessary to yell “BURN” every time Snape takes a point from Gryffindor.
143. I will not sing “we’re off to see the wizard” when I am sent to the headmasters office.
139. I will not dress up in a dementor suit and use a dustbuster on Harry’s lips to get him to do whatever I want.
126. I am not allowed to declare an official Hug a Slytherine day.
124. I will not wear my “DEATH EATER AND PROUD OF IT” shirt to school.
123. I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween.
121. I am not allowed to make lightsaber sounds with my wand.
120. I will not call Professor McGonagall “McGoogles”.

119. Telling Slytherin first years that to enter their common room they must point their wands strait up and say, “Morsmordre” is just plain mean.

93. I will not enchant a scarecrow and suit of armor to skip through the halls singing, “We’re Off to See the Wizard”.
99. I will not under any circumstances ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.

80. I will not use Slytherine and Gryffindor first years as Christmas decorations.
74. I will not say, “Dude get a life” to Voldemort.

75. I must not point at Voldemort and say “I taught him everything he knows.”
65. A wand is for magic only, it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or playing drums no matter how bored I become.

64. However tempting it may be, I will not send Voldemort a Christmas card telling him how much we all love him, even through these difficult times.
59. I will not tell Snape he needs to go to his “Happy place”.

58. I will not jump up, yelling “VOLDEMORT, RUN!” in the middle of a Order of the Phoenix or DA meeting.

50. I will not start singing and dancing in the middle of a class and blame that someone put the Imperious Curse on me.

48. I will not greet Professor McGonagall with “What’s new, pussycat?”
39. Asking, “How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?” and then walking away is only funny the first time.
36. The four houses are not the Morons, the Barons, the Smartelics, and the Junior Death Eaters.
30. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.
23. I will not bring a magic eight ball to Divination class.
17. Seamus Finnegan is not “after me lucky charms”.

14. I will not tell Draco and Hermione to “Get a room” whenever they start to fight.
11. If a classmate falls asleep I will not take advantage of this fact and draw a dark mark on their arm