Team 7 overprotective｡ﾟ(TヮT)ﾟ｡

hm. Better

The last mini paragraph was confusing
Overall good job

I can't wait for them both to meet in his 'reborn' self.

Yy y I

Run-on sentences are the literary equivalent of babbling.
They are made of nope.

Read up on them.
Understand them.
Avoid them - unless babbling is what you're going for, of course.
(Not being sarcastic, you might want to have a bit of babbling.)

Your premise is fun, but your tenses and pronouns flop around like ...pointless flopping things.

The jarring inconsistencies boot the read right out of the story space and into their reality, where they realize that they're actually sitting in front of their computer reading an incoherent story, that they'd like a snack, that their phone needs to be recharged, and...
Pretty soon, they're off to find some munchies and making a to-do list and your story has been consigned to the void.
You need to keep them in your world, and to do that, you need to be coherent and consistent.

1. Choose a past tense or present tense.
2. Choose a first person or third person viewpoint.
3. STICK WITH IT.

I don’t think it should be rewritten,it’s good how it is

Whoa-kay

love the pic for this story, never seen it before

Welcome back, you have been missed.

Good luck with your rewriting and I look forward to the coming chapters.

or you could just start a new and label it God of Death rewrite. it's pretty good and I would have to lose what you have already written. but I'm glad that you are back.

take care and let us know what is going on. thank you

Thanks

YAY ya BacK!
Let us know when the revamp comes out!