AN: Thank you all for the amazing years that this story has gone through, it's been an honor! And I swear I'll add more to the side story, I just can't resist that joke.

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Naruto was usually never one to turn down a crazy or plain stupid plan.

"Now remember, try and knock at least one of them off when you hit the bird" Zabuza was preparing the makeshift sword catapult.

But this plan, really felt like Zabuza just wanted to kill him. Granted he didn't have a better one so Naruto canon it was.

"And, GO" Zabzua fired the sword-pult, launching Naruto dead at the bird with a very alarming speed.

"Think my bombs killed them?" Deidara was scanning the wreckage for any sign of bodies.

"Doubtful" Kakuzu was just sitting on the bird not bothering to look.

"You're a real party animal you know Kakuzu" Deidara stepped over to the other side of the bird, his eyes quickly widening as he tried to steer the bird. "FLYING FUCK."

"What?" Kakuzu looked up just in time to see Naruto fly into Deidara, taking them both off the bird. "Well, you don't see that every day."

"FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU" Naruto was screaming while punching Deidara in the face as they began to fall back to the earth.

Kakuzu watched from the bird as the two blondes landed, creating a sizeable crater with their impact.

"Huh, wonder how I'm gonna get down" his question was answered as the bird stopped flying and began to fall. "I deserve this one I guess."

Naruto had had better days, but at least he wasn't on bottom here. Deidara was at least out cold, with the way his body looked he might even be dead.

"Guess it's a good thing I'm always topping" Naruto fist bumped one of Deidaras hands for that one. "Now how do I get Kakuzu down here?"

The sound of the bird hurtling towards the earth caused Naruto to look up. Today really wasn't a good day for him.

"Haha" Kakuzu had made it out of the fall mostly unscathed thanks to the bird, as well as Naruto and Deidara, cushioning the impact. "Like I've always said, I always come out on top."

His moment of peace was short lived as the bird was throw aside by a very red Naruto. Kakuzu managed to hop off the bird before it crashed into some trees.

"I ALREADY MADE THAT JOKE" Naruto was pissed, not only had he fucking had a bird land on him, Kakuzu just stole his joke and delivered it better.

"I feel like I did it better" Kakuzu cracked his knuckles as he headed towards Naruto. "Now, let's get a round two."

"Oh, my fucking pleasure" Naruto rolled his shoulders and walked forward, shifting into the one-tail cloak.

The two dashed forward clashing fists sending a shockwave through the air. The two exchanged a flurry of blows before separating. Naruto knew Kakuzu had the upper hand in a one-on-one, so he was really banking on Zabuza to show up soon. With a flash of hand seals Kakuzu shot a blast of flames at him. Naruto dodged to the side, only to get caught by the leg by a flying hand. Kakuzu slammed him into the ground before retracting the severed hand.

"You're fast kid, but predictable as all hell" Kakuzu's eye's had a malicious look as he slowly approached.

"Oh yeah?" Naruto reached his chakra claws through the ground behind him. "Then what am I thinking of?"

"Please Kakuzu, don't notice my sneak attack" Kakuzu easily dodge the claws as they erupted.

"Ooh, close, actually it was, 'Please Kakuzu, jump back like that'" Naruto smirked as Zabuza leapt from a tree swinging his blade into Kakuzu.

It was a clean hit and went right through him. The two halves of his body hit the ground and within moments the black tendrils he used stitched him back together.

"Alright that's some grade A bullshit" Zabuza would have hated Hidan.

"I just got that heart, and now I need a new wind one bastards" Kakuzu looked fairly pissed even if he wasn't too hurt from being cut in half.

"Huh, so uh, how immortal is this guy?" Zabuza was not used to people surviving that.

"Not sure, but I'm willing to find out" Naruto rolled his shoulders and re-engaged Kakuzu as he reformed.

Kakuzu caught a sucker punch to the newly reconnected midsection, sending him flying back. Naruto didn't let up as he pressed the offensive chasing him down with a flurry of fists. Kakuzu deflected one of the attacks low and jumped to gain some distance, unfortunately for him this put him dead in Zabuzas water dragon's sights.

"Motherfucker" Kakuzu was now drenched and looking fairly roughed up from the dragon crashing him into the ground.

Naruto came at him again, connecting a right to his face. His hand stung as he punched the stone armored Kakuzu. It was his turn to get sent flying as Kakuzu landed a viscous right cross, sending him flying past the incoming Zabuza. Metal clashed with stone as Kakuzu deflected the swing.

"Kisame always said you were hot shit" Kakuzu smirked under his mask as he sent a knife hand to Zabuzas throat.

The smirked turned into a frown as Zabuza turned into a puddle. It then again shifted into a snarl as a kunai came down into his shoulder from the real Zabuza.

"Funny how that works" the sword less Zabuza came in slashing and stabbing with two Kunai pushing Kakuzu on the defensive again.

"As funny as a swordsman fighting without a sword?" letting both stab into him Kakuzu grabbed Zabuzu by the biceps.

"You got me there" Zabuza was blasted back by a fireball coming from a mask on Kakuzu's chest.

He dashed forward to try and finish Zabuza off but was stopped by that missing sword flying into his chest. His eyes flicked to the airborne Naruto, the source of the attack.

"Oh there it is" Zabuza ripped the sword out of him, slicing him in half again. "Thanks for holding onto it for me."

With a growl Kakuzu launched himself back using the tendrils. Like last time two of the masks left his body on masses of tendril. The two masks went after Zabuza as Kakuzu blasted to Naruto.

"OH" Naruto and Kakuzu went flying back, smashing through a handful of trees from the sheer power of the attack.

"I'm done messing around you little shit" Kakuzus tendrils repaired the damage done to himself the attack as he advanced on Naruto.

This time it was Kakuzus turn to get blasted into by a two-tail cloaked Naruto. Naruto dug one of his claws in to stay on Kakuzu as they flew, exchanging blows with him as they blasted through more trees. The impacts of the trees was strong enough to knock Narutos claw loose sending them away from eachother.

"You think" Naruto was so glad he had this healing factor as his wounds began to heal. "A little love tap like that is enough to even fucking faze me?"

"I'll show you a love tap" Kakuzu was looking much worse for wear after that as he pulled himself from the ground.

The two hobbled towards each other, meeting in the center of the clearing to exchange blows again. Kakuzu gained the upper hand a delivered a savage kick to Naruto, throwing him back and knocking him over.

"Time to finish this" Kakuzu limped over to Naruto and stomped down on his chest.

"Funny" Naruto spoke between coughing up blood. "That was what I was gonna say."

Erupting from the ground behind Kakuzu a Naruto clone slammed a Rasengan into him. The attack blasted him away like a ragdoll into the forest behind Naruto. The clone helped him to his feet as he dropped the cloak.

"Thank fuck" Naruto deemed Kakuzus current position as that of a really dead guy, and hoped he'd stay that way.

After a few moments Zabuza entered this clearing. He looked like hell, but Naruto wasn't much better off.

"Those blob things just stopped moving a bit ago, so good job" Zabuza gave him a pat on the back.

"Thanks, now we just have to finish off somewhere between one and like ten super dangerous guys."

"With that tone you're starting to sound like a quitter, we've got ground cover so let's go."

Naruto shook his head as Zabuza started off towards where they last saw the others. He was optimistic, especially since time powers were now uncontested again, but the odds weren't good. He followed after Zabuza, they had a mission. Thanks to Deidara bombing half the forest they didn't bother trying to be stealthy on their way over, even so it seemed impossible to find any tracks.

"Well this is just great, no tracks" Naruto was hoping this part would at least be easy.

"Dumb looking blonde, yeah you fit the description" the two turned to see, was that a dog? "Kakashi left me here to lead you to him, I'm Pakkun."

"Kakashi has a talking dog, just, on hand?" how Naruto never learned about this was crazy.

"Do you know what summons are?" Pakkun had clearly underestimated how dumb Naruto was.

"Oh, right yeah."

"Kid how are you still alive?"

"By jumping in front of dangerous lightning attacks and hoping for the best."

"Right" Zabuza clearly had given up on this conversation. "Lead on Pakkun."

The small dog was shockingly fast as it took off at a breakneck speed. Naruto and Zabuza rushed after it, having to catch up to its small lead.

"It smells like some crazy strong guys are up ahead so you better be ready" Pakkun didn't slow down to warn them.

"So, you're an omniscient talking dog summon, we really could have used you like, so many time" Naruto couldn't believe Kakashi had never summoned him before.

"Focus up, that's gotta be Kisames doing" Zabuza was of course pointing to a massive sphere of water.

"Of course he's the next one we have to deal with" Naruto did not like the idea of round two with him.

The three came onto the scene, the scene here being a massive water orb. It was difficult to see into it from where they were.

"The waters making it hard but I think I smell Kakashi in there" Pakkun also didn't like the looks of this.

"You go on ahead" Zabuza drew his sword. "I've got Kisame."

"He's going to literally kill you, not metaphorically, literally" Naruto knew firsthand how dangerous that shark freak was.

"Only if I die" Zabuza leapt into the orb.

"And people call me stupid" Naruto shook his head at the insane man. "Any chance you can sniff out Jiraya or anyone else?"

"Yeah lets go" Pakkun didn't specify who he smelled but took off none the less.

Again Naruto chased after the dog, at least this travel time was letting him heal up more. He had the feeling this was going to be a lot harder than they initially thought.

"I can smell another of those guys, he's still far off but we'll have to get through him."

"Hey so what about all those guys" Naruto and Pakkun stopped as what looked like hundreds of people were descending upon them from above.

"Well, they don't have a smell" Pakkun was very confused by this oncoming army.

"Well, I can do that do" Naruto put his hands together in his signature hand seal. "Multi Shadow Clone Jutsu."

With a massive cloud of smoke hundreds of clones appeared, with a massive battle cry the clone army leapt up to meet the oncoming attack. The attackers shot some kind of projectiles at the clones dwindling their numbers before the impact.

"Let find that guy they've got them under control" Naruto and Pakkun kept moving towards the scent he'd found.

Handfuls of the aerial attackers tried to intercept him but were blocked by his clones. They could really take a beating, even Rasengans would only slow them down for a bit. Finally after a frantic final rush the two faced down a hunched over figure in a clearing.

"I'd heard you could summon lots of clones, but to combat my Performance of a Hundred Puppets" the robed figure spoke in a deep hoarse voice.

"Puppets?" Naruto turned back to look at the fight. "Like, things you control with strings? Where the hell are the strings?"

"I doubt you'd be able to perceive my chakra strings, they're invisible to the naked eye" the figure sprouted a tail and began to approach Naruto. "I, Sasori of the Red Sand, will be defeating you."

"Wait wait" Naruto waved a hand at him, stopping him for some reason.

"What?"

"Where's the sand?"

"What, in the desert."

"But, why is your name Sasori of the Red Sand then?"

"Because in battle I stained the sands red with the blood of my foes."

"Ok that's pretty cool I'm not gonna lie, but I've met people who, ok a person, who fights using sand. So I'm just a little confused why you have sand in your title but don't use it to fight."

"I'm from Sunagakure, you know, the village hidden in the sand?"

"Hm, so, you painted the village red?"

"No. I, using my puppets, in the third war slaughtered my foes and painted the desert sand red."

"Ok but like, why isn't your name something like, Sasori, uh, General of the Eternal Army?"

"I…. My name is now that."

"Ok whoa hold on now, you can't just re-title yourself, he can't just do that right?" Naruto asked Pakkun this.

"I mean, it is a little lame to just give yourself a title like that" Pakkun thought so at least.

"But I didn't give myself that title, you did, just now."

"Well no, I just asked why you weren't called something like that since it makes way more sense. I mean, I could tell people that's your title from now on, but I'd have to keep on living to do so."

"That does clash with my mission of capturing and killing you through demon extraction."

"Yeah so, I guess you're just Sasori of the Red Sand" Naruto felt like his plan was about to work.

"…"

"What?"

"Don't tell the other members I let you go for this reason and spread that title and I'll let you pass."

"You've got yourself a deal Sasori, General of the Eternal Army" Naruto and Pakkun strolled past him continuing on their way.

"How the hell did that just happen" Pakkun was both impressed and just confused as hell.

"It's all about branding with these S-Rank missing ninjas, with some simple deduction skills, well simple for a Ninja Detective such as myself, I pinpointed his insecurities of wanting to be immortalized."

"Bullshit."

"I'm sorry, is the series called Pakkun?"

"You did not just pull that card on the talking dog" Pakkun gave him a dirty look.

"I think I did, let's go where's the next random asshole in-between me and my boyfriend?"

"Due north, I think Jirayas there too, but I can smell some people coming in from the east, this isn't gonna be a clean and simple last fight."

"Well, let's get to it" Naruto felt much more optimistic after that encounter.

Moving due north went quite fast now that Naruto was used to Pakkuns speed. They arrived into the clearing and were greeted by multiple Jirayas. This was sure to be a clusterfuck.

"Naruto don't trust the rest of them, I'm the real one" like 4 of the Jirayas all said this at once.

"Nope, fuck this, you all decide amongst yourself who the real one is, and then I'll kill the rest" Naruto didn't want to do this puzzle.

"HOW" the chorus of Jiraya was really getting on his nerves.

"Fucking summon some toads" how was that not an obvious solution.

"Oh right" the real Jiraya spoke up as he summoned a toad.

"See, easy peasy" Naruto swung a fist into the nearest fake Jiraya.

The fakes all shifted into, a weird looking white guy? They all quickly exchanged scared looks before sinking into the ground.

"Next time won't be so easy kid" one of them seemed to be a leader amongst their massive group and spoke at Naruto.

"You're dealing with the world's best Ninja Detective" Naruto could solve any of this guy's baby level tricks no problem.

"Finally, where the hell did you and the others end up" Jiraya looked incredibly relieved to see Naruto.

"I got split off with Zubzuba and we had to fight Deidara and Kakuzu, then he split off to help Kakashi fight Kisame. I met some puppet guy and handled him like a champ, I think that's most of them right?"

"Wow, we're actually kicking major ass today" Jiraya had doubted like a hater, only to be shown how foolish he really was. "Any sign of that mask guy?"

"None yet, seen Itachi?"

"Not yet, he might be who they have guarding Haku."

"That would be good right? He's on our side sort of right?"

"I wouldn't put it quite like that, but it wouldn't be the worst outcome."

"Well, we won't know until we get there I guess?" Naruto turned to Pakkun. "Lead on?"

"Yeah yeah, right this way" Pakkun took off again, hopefully leading towards the end of this whole fiasco.

"So you and Zabuza killed Kakuzu right?"

"Yeah, I got him good with a sneak attack."

"He's completely dead though right? None of that immortality shit?"

"I checked him myself and he seemed super dead. Why are you worried about him?"

"He has five lives, so you kinda need to kill him a lot. Right you weren't there when we went over that."

"Well, three times seemed to work just fine so I think you're info was wrong."

"It came right from Hidan how could it" Jiraya froze mid-sentence.

"How could it what?" Naruto stopped, having passed Jiraya, and turned to face him.

It took him a second to realize time had stopped moving. Which could mean one of a few possible things. He really hoped it was Zabuza using it to finish Kisame off.

"You really know how to piss a guy off kid" Kakuzu had come into sight from the tree line, black wires finishing fixing him up. "Lucky for me my hearts know how to play dead."

"Oh come on, I've beaten you twice now, can't you just leave me alone" Naruto didn't want to deal with him again.

"No can do" Kakuzu cracked his neck and leapt at Naruto.

Naruto leapt back to dodge the crater forming punch, looks like his stone form move worked in time stop. Naruto had to stay on defense, getting hit with one of those attacks would be the end for him right now.

"Think you can dodge me forever?" Kakuzu was relentless, dying thrice seemed to only piss him the hell off. "I can stay in here all day, how long can you last?"

"Shit" Naruto forgot about his limit, it hadn't come up in so long.

Catching him in a moment of distraction Kakuzu got in a viscous upper cut, blasting Naruto skywards. As he fell back to earth Naruto tried to restart time, it flowed normally for half a second before Kakuzu refroze it. Once again Kakuzu connected a hit, landing a roundhouse kick as Naruto hit the tree tops.

"What's the matter?" Kakuzu was rushing after him. "Never fought someone with years of practice?"

Naruto managed to regain his composure, catching himself on a sturdier tree branch to drop down and dodge a knife hand. Back on solid ground he scanned the foliage above him, it stood eerily still, only disturbed by Kakuzus movements. The older man dropped down in front of Naruto.

"Trying to come up with another one of your tricks huh?" the constant pressure he exerted didn't give Naruto any time to come up with one. "The kid gloves are off for real this time you shit."

Kakuzu was on him again in the blink of an eye, jabbing and swinging at lightning speeds. Naruto did his best to dodge the attacks that looked the most dangerous, getting hit by the lighter attacks. Even if they were the weaker ones, thanks to the stone form they hurt like hell. With an uppercut fake out Kakuzu slammed him with a push kick, knocking him back into the nearby tree trunk.

"Just give up, it'll make every bodies life easier" Kakuzu made a slow approach towards him.

"I'd rather you just" Naruto was briefly interrupted by a fist to his stomach. "Ahg, yeah, just beat me to death already."

"Fine by me" Kakuzu reared his fist back to land a final blow.

"Took you long enough" Naruto smirked up at Kakuzu as an arm destroyed arm warmer covered hand grabbed him by the bicep.

"Yeah well I had to deal with an actual tough fight" Zabuza turn and flung Kakuzu back.

"Oh come on, you both can stop time, this is bullshit, absolute horseshit" Kakuzu was really about to bitch about this, after dying three whole times and still being alive.

"Oh go get fucking killed and brought back to life about it" Naruto was sick of people trying to complain about this.

"Oh shut up and kick my ass already" Kakuzu rushed towards the two of them.

"With pleasure" Zabuza came at him with the big swing.

He was using a kunai in his off had to match Kakuzu's close range attacks, the big sword not being great in close quarters. With a feint back Zabuza managed to connect a hard overhead swing, cleaving into his shoulder. Getting the sword out of him proved to be much harder, and with a heavy heeled push kick Zabuza was thrown back.

"Not the best way to disarm you maybe" Kakuzu grimaced as he used his right arm to pull it out. "Been awhile since I've used one of these, let's see if I've still got it."

"Hey, uh, not to sound needy, but you ready to get your ass back in the fight" Zabuza clearly didn't like the look of this fight now.

"Can't exactly heal right now" stopped time was not good to healing factors it turned out.

"Oh, wait, so his is off too" Zabuza liked that.

"And you just basically cut off his one arm" Naruto also liked these odds.

"But, I have a big fucking sword" Kakuzu ran forward holding the sword ready to swing.

Zabuza slid under the wide horizontal swing, slashing Kakuzu in the leg on the way by. Carrying the momentum through Kakuzu did a full one eighty and managed to clip Zabuzas side with the sword, carving a large gash into his arm. Zabuza jumped up from the ground ignoring the pain to dash towards him. Kakuzu was caught wide open due to the spin attack, letting Zabuza pierce his chest with a kunai.

"Fucking" Kakuzu lost control of time as he was killed, again.

"Finally" Zabuza fell backwards, sitting down to try and stop his arm from ripping off entirely.

"Just for good measure" Naruto limped over and blasted the corpse with a Rasengan.

"Good call."

"So, think we can take down whoever the hell is waiting for us up ahead?"

"Depends."

"On?"

"Think Kakashi can finish off Kisame alone?"

"That's like my second favorite teacher, he's super dead."

"Nah I made sure to cut Kisame up real good before coming to save you."

"So he'll be good?"

"Eh?"

"Great" the two were limping further along, mostly just hoping this was the right direction to go still.

"Any idea what we've got waiting for us?"

"Maybe Itachi, maybe this crazy masked dude, either one isn't gonna be fun."

"Now might be a good time to, uh, infer that the masked guy is possibly Madara" of all the times to say even worse news, this was not it.

'Yeah he definitely was the guy who made it all go to shit' a helpful addition from Minato.

'Why am I just now hearing this exactly' Naruto could have used this info sooner.

"We were trying to be at least ninety percent sure before saying anything."

'And it didn't seem like it'd come up again so we kinda forgot about it.'

"So, this is gonna be a weird question, any chance you know how to kill a guy who can become intangible?" yeah that's right, Naruto knew that word.

"Can't say I do, why?" Zabuza didn't like where this was going.

"Masked guy does that, and he uh, might be Madara."

"Now when you say Madara, you don't mean like, the Madara Uchiha right?"

"No I mean exactly that Madara Uchiha actually."

"Of all the fucking shitheads for Haku to fall for, it had to be you didn't it kid."

"HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO PERDICT THIS?"

"I DON'T KNOW, BUT I'M MAD WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE TO FUCKING MADARA UCHIHA."

'Look, if it comes to that, we can just fuse up and warp out of here' Minato had, an actual really good plan there.

'And that will only super kill you so, not the best plan there dad.'

'I'm already dead Naruto, I'd rather fade out here to save you then let us all die anyways.'

Naruto trudged on in silence, he didn't want to think about that outcome. The plan was to have a flawless rescue, and whether it's a chakra ghost or a flesh and blood person, they wouldn't lose anyone here. After twenty more minutes of walking, thankfully Naruto had healed up enough to do that again, they could see a structure in the woods.

"That's either the place, or a girl scout cookie bakery" Zabuza wasn't wrong with that statement.

"Could be both, the Akatsuki could just be really zealous girl scouts" Naruto figured these last few jokes would help with the inevitable suffering to come.

"Think I'd get a discount if I traded you in for thin mints?"

"You'd sell me out, for thin mints?"

"Hell yes I would."

"Thanks pops."

"You two ain't married yet so don't be calling me pops or dad, or anything of that sort" oh Zabuza didn't know.

"Right" Naruto figured this could wait on being known info.

"Well? What are waiting for, let's go get our asses kicked" Zabuza took off towards the structure.

"I'm loving the positive attitude" Naruto followed suit, prepared for anything.

The doors to the place were already open, making it easy for the two to sneak inside. Sadly it was no bakery, but it was a pretty simple compound lay out. It didn't take too long for them to hear voices.

"And then, this is maybe the worst part, the next time I see them, he's got his hand through her chest, like, that's the exact opposite of what I said to do" Naruto recognized that voice as the masked Madara, but what the hell was he talking about.

"I see I see" and that was Haku. "It really seem like this betrayal from your childhood friend has caused a large scale ripple through your life. Have you confronted him about it since then?"

"No, I've admittedly not talked to him in many years" are they, is Haku giving him a therapy session?

"I think you need this confrontation, in order to gain the closure your life has lacked. Not only to know why he did what he did, but so he can understand how deeply his betrayal hurt you."

"I think you're right, I've put it off for too long and it's really festered" did he, did he just have a breakthrough?

"I'm glad I could help you reach this place of elevated emotional understanding."

"I think you really have a gift for this, you should like open up a practice."

"You're right I should, can you untie me so I can go do so?"

"Of course I can."

The two heard some shuffling around for a few moments, and some rope untying.

"Wait a minute, dammit I did it again" now the sound of rope being retied.

"Damn, thought I had you this time, you even undid three knots."

"You're a real tricky one I'll give you that one."

"Thank you I try, so tell me more about your father?"

Naruto and Zabuza gave each other a confused look. Haku seemed to have this mostly, under some kind of weird control. Regardless they burst into the room.

"UNTIE MY FIANCE YOU BASTARD" Naruto threw some Kunai at Madara.

"FIANCE?" Zabuza stopped his approach to yell this in horror.

"FIANCE!" Haku yelled this excited to see Naruto.

"Oh my god congrats I didn't know you were engaged" Madara just let the kunai phase through him. "Am I invited to the wedding?"

"Yes!"

"NO!"

"Babe he would be so good to have at our wedding" Haku, was really trying to have this talk right now.

"WEDDING? BETWEEN YOU TWO? AND I ONLY NOW, RIGHT NOW, HEAR ABOUT IT?" Zabuza was taking this news very well.

"OH AND WHERE WERE YOU THESE PAST SIX MONTHS? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SEND YOU MAIL HUH?" luckily Haku came prepared for this.

"I feel as though you all have some issues to work through, I am a licensed family psychiatrist in two lands" Naruto just, did not believe that.

"NO WE'RE HERE TO FIGHT YOU AND SAVE HIM, but if at a later time your services are available do you have business card?" really Zabuza?

"I do actually" Madara handed him one.

"Usually when we burst through doors, we don't ask our enemy for a business card do we Zabuza?" Naruto was so sick of this.

"Oh and do you always suddenly inform the adoptive father of your fiancé that you're engaged in that moment?" he had him there.

"Guys you can fight about that later, can someone untie me first" Haku at least had his priorities semi-straight.

"Oh of course" Madara started untying him again.

"Thanks buddy" Haku had really worked his charms on this guy.

"Of course" Madara finished the last knot.

"Finally" Haku stood up and stretched out his legs, he probably had been stuck in that chair for too long. "Well, see you at my office Thursday at four and remember, healing is a staircase not an elevator."

"See you then" Madara waved him off as he left the room.

"So like" Zabuza had just given up at understanding this whole situation at this point. "Are we all cool to leave now or?"

"OH SHIT" Madara had now realized what he'd just done.

"Guess not" Naruto was quick to launch a rasengan into him, only for it to pass through him.

"Really, that song and dance again" Madara grabbed Naruto by the head and threw him through the wall. "Well at least you've learned a valuable lesson and stopped your borderline copyright infringements."

"Yeah figures" Zabuza tried to swing into him with the sword, he wasn't surprised when it just phased through him.

"You!" oh that's not a good sign for Zabuza. "BE NICER TO YOUR ADOPTIVE SON."

Naruto groaned as he slowly moved up from the floor. His groan came back louder as Zabuza landed on top of him. This wasn't going too hot for the two of them.

"Sorry Naruto, you might be engaged to my therapist but I kinda have this job to do" Madara climbed into the room via the hole he made with them.

"Can I at least get a head start in running away?" it was worth a shot right?

"Hm, nah" Madara slammed the ground where the two of them were previously. "No fair, dodging is cheating."

"Says the guy who phases through attacks" Naruto didn't even want to think about where that power fell in the bullshit power pyramid.

"Wait I know what to do" Zabuza was hit with a sudden revelation.

"What?" Madara and Naruto both gave him a confused look.

"Naruto just let him hit you" this plan sounded not good to Naruto.

"I don't like this plan" Naruto did his best to dodge the next few attacks.

"No I think he's onto something" Madara certainly did.

"Trust me, begrudging son in law."

"THIS COUNTS AS APPROVAL YOU MAY NOT RESCIND THIS AT A LATER TIME" Naruto could not wait to bump up his living parent counter from zero to one.

"JUST SHUT UP AND LET HIM HIT YOU" Zabuza clearly wanted to rescind that statement.

"FINE" Naruto stopped dodging and got hit square in the face as time froze.

"Perfect" Zabuza walked over and poked Madara. "Exactly as he hits his body is tangible."

"Huh, ok I'll let it slide that you let him punch the hell out of me" Naruto rubbed his face as he also poked Madara. "So, we break his whole body now right?"

"Oh hell yes we break his whole body now" Zabuza hit him hard in the stomach.

"Fuck yes" Naruto began punching away at him as well.

After a few minutes of time stopped punching the two were satisfied with how much damage they'd done. The two nodded at each other and took a few steps back.

"Shall I?" Naruto was very ready to unstop time and let this man have it.

"Of course" Zabuza crossed his arms and waited for the show.

"Tha-" Madara began to thank Naruto for standing still before his body contorted from all the attacks, launching him through the wall.

"Anytime my man" Naruto strolled back into the other room after him.

"What the fuck was that" Madara slowly peeled himself out of the wall he'd been blasted into, his mask cracked in half

"That's what we in the business call a real overpowered ability" Zabuza was now also back in the room.

"Well that's just great" Madara stumbled up to his feet, the top part of his mask falling off.

"Yup, sharingan, this guy really is Madara" Naruto felt like they were in a pretty good spot to finish this fight.

"Wait, why do you know that?" Madara now looked super confused.

"You thought you could keep a secret from me? The world's greatest Ninja Detective? I read you like a book."

"WE MET ONE TIME."

"AND THAT'S ALL I FUCKING NEEDED LOSER."

"Well fuck you, you can't kill me, I'm a fucking legend" Madara's body started swirling into his eye. "Madara outtie."

"Wow" Zabuza sounded shocked. "We won?"

"Yay!" Haku came back into the room holding, yogurt?

"Where did you go?"

"I figured I had time to eat something while you all fought it out, I was apparently wrong."

"You didn't want to, I dunno, help us?"

"I've been tied up, after having been kidnapped and blown up, for about six hours. So no, I did not want to."

"You know, fair" Zabuza decided to drop this. "So, should we get out of here now?"

"Yeah just kind of" Naruto took Hakus hand in his own.

"Now, it's not that I don't love you, but I need two hands to eat this yogurt babe" Haku really is that bitch huh.

"Fine" Naruto let go of his hand and did his best to sound hurt.

"I'm hungry ok, I'll hold your hand when I'm done eating promise" Haku gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Well what if I want to eat something then" Naruto was trying to be petty now.

"Is this how you two are all the time, because if so I'm never visiting" Zabuza made sure that his presence didn't get forgotten.

"It's a coin flip" the look on Hakus face meant he was about to do something that would end very badly for Naruto.

"Between this and what?"

"Ma-" Naruto quickly covered Hakus mouth to prevent him from finishing this sentence.

"MAKING FLOWER ARRANGEMENTS."

"Right" Zabuza let the issue drop.

"How did you get here before us?" Jiraya and Pakkun were outside the compound as the three left. "Also, why did you vanish earlier?"

"Long story, but it's all fine now, mission accomplished" Naruto was gonna save the Madara info till later.

"Oh, well, damn" Jiraya was surprised by how easy this ended up being.

"Yeah so let's go find the others and head back home."

"Sounds like a plan to me" Pakkun started walking off. "Kakashi is over this way, there's some strong guys with him though."

"I've still got like, ten minutes left of time stop, so we got this" Naruto was riding that high of beating Madara.

The five of them took a moderate pace over to Kakashi. The whole area here looked like shit, trees knocked over, the ground was basically a massive crater, a huge snake was there.

"Oh hey guys" Kakashi was chilling on the snake with Hidan.

"Looks like you had the easy job" Zabuza surveyed the area for Kisame.

"Yeah it was sick" Hidan hopped down to them. "Anyone else still alive?"

"Well, the masked guy ran off, Kakuzu is probably dead, we did kill him a lot of time, Sasori might be somewhere around here still?" Naruto tried to think if he'd forgotten anyone.

"What about the explosion guy?" thankfully Haku remembered that guy.

"Uh, well that looks like him" Naruto pointed at the big fucking bird flying towards them.

The giant snake swatted it out of the air, causing a massive explosion where it ended up landing.

"Nice one Orochi, the distance on that one was definitely a new record" Hidan wrote down some number.

"Wait, is, is that big snake Orochimaru?" Naruto didn't know he could do that.

"Yeah he can just do that apparently, real handy for dealing with Deidara I'd say" Hidan didn't see how weird this was.

"You can't turn into a huge toad right Jiraya?" Naruto hoped he couldn't.

"Nope, this is just fucking weird" even Jiraya was stumped by this transformation.

"Orochimaru says to hop on up here, he'll give us a lift back" Kakashi shouted down to them.

"Damn that's convenient" Zabuza jumped up to the snakes back.

"Nice walking is for losers" Naruto followed him.

"Can I turn into a toad?" Jiraya jumped after them.

"You coming pretty boy?" Hidan went up next.

"Today is so fucking weird for me" Haku went up last, this was a lot of stuff to process in a day.

"Not bad today kid" Zabuza gave Naruto a pat on the back. "Even though it's your fault entirely."

"Thanks dad."

"Babe he's not your dad till after we're married" Haku corrected him.

"Fine. Thanks random asshole who almost killed me one time and then left for half a year."

"Much better" Haku giggled a little at that.

"I mean, I can technically officiate weddings as a Sage" Jiraya chimed in.

"Well, I never pictured our wedding on the back of a large snake" Haku looked to Naruto.

"Yeah, and I never pictured falling in love with the most amazing man in the world" Naruto held a hand out to him. "So?"

"Marry us you old toad man!" Haku grabbed said hand and let himself be pulled into Naruto's arms.

"It's a good thing I got ordained" Jiraya reached into his pockets and pulled out some papers. "Let's see here, do you Naruto."

"I do!"

"Ok, do you Haku."

"Yes!"

"You two know there's usually a whole ceremony to this right?"

"Shut up and marry us!" the two yelled at him in unison.

"Fine, fine. I hereby, with the power granted to me by the toads and the village of Konoha, pronounce you husband and husband. You may now kiss the groom."

"Finally!" Haku exclaimed very excitedly as Naruto pulled him in for the kiss.

The two shared, what they would remember as, the best moment of their lives. Whatever would come next, Naruto knew he'd make it through it. No matter what it took, he'd always come back to Haku.