10:56 – Sunday, October 9, 2016

To: stylish_cookie ( a t ) students . edu

From: punmaster76 ( a t ) students . edu

Message: (no subject)

I don't really know how to start this I'll be honest… Haven't really talked to anybody about it before. I mean my dad knows but of course he would and some other people around the house but they practically live here so I don't really need to actually explain and talk to them about it. So I've never really talked about this to anyone else.

Huh.

…That's probably not a good thing now that I'm thinking about it.

Well, I'm glad the first person I get to tell is you Ladybug.

And I'm stalling. I know I am. I just… I don't know. I want to talk about it but at the same time I really don't want to. It… it just hurts to think about. But I did tell you I'd send an explanation over email so here I am, over email, trying to explain. I'll get to that. Right. Soon. Um… now I guess.

It was my mom's birthday last week. Which I know sounds like a good thing but um… well… she's not really… around anymore.

She died last year and I guess it's just hitting again that she's gone.

I just needed some time to sort some things out.

It doesn't help that Father's way of dealing with feelings is to not deal with them at all and just throw himself into his work which means I get thrown into a lot of work as a result. So that was also taking up a lot of my time and in the rest… I don't know. I just wanted to shut down for a while.

So that's why I didn't message you. I didn't mean to worry you and stay away for so long. It just kinda ended up happening that way.

Thank you for worrying though. It really does mean more than you know that you care even though we haven't ever spoken to each other face to face. That we know of, that is. Either way, it helps. So thank you Ladybug. I'll try to let you know if I plan on vanishing off the face of the planet again. I'll do my best not to in the meantime.

So yeah… Sorry for vanishing and thank you for listening.