A/N: Once upon a time I wrote a drabble wherein Gwaine was Flynn. Gwaine is simply too fabulous for just one role.

Disclaimer: To disclaim or not to disclaim? *flips coin* Today I do not disclaim! Huh. Someone should introduce Hamlet to coins.

Gwaine hooted along with the others in the tavern as Merlin emptied another tankard. As with Arthur, they all wanted to see him drunk and witness the potential hilarity that would ensue.

"Now, Merlin. Doesn't this feel good?" As he was talking, Gwaine was already making the mistake of refilling Merlin's tankard.

Merlin smiled pleasantly in return, and somewhere in the bowels of the castle Arthur involuntarily shuddered. "It does. Feels like I can do anything I want and no one can stop me- ah sorry. That's just every day. I forgot. Can you believe I ever let the prat think he could boss me around?"

Gwaine laughed along with the others but was inwardly disappointed. He'd been hoping Merlin would embarrass himself so he could get back on some of the blackmail material his friend had on him.

"Which reminds me-" Merlin lifted the tankard to attract attention that he already had. "-Did I tell ever tell you about that when time I found Gwaine in the servants' wing in the middle of the night?" No one looked surprised, but Gwaine recognized the story and silently let his head fall on the table.

"In old man Sam's room," Merlin finished gleefully.

How had Gwaine ever thought Merlin had helped him out of the goodness of his heart all those times he got too drunk for his own good? The way he was laying out story after story made even the barmaids start snickering at him.

"Aww come on, Gwaine! I haven't even gotten to the good part yet!"

"Good part?" Gwaine asked weakly.

"Oh yes. This is just the stupid things you do." Merlin paused, wrinkling his nose. "You smell," he declared. "Horribly. And where in the hell do you even keep apples when everyone else is freezing their backsides off? Is there ever a time where you aren't thinking of food?"

Gwaine was about to interrupt at this point but Merlin beat him to it yet again, "And your insults suck too. Princess? Really? All those idiot things Arthur do and you decide princess is the best insult you can come up with?"

Gwaine was looking more and more hurt now. Why was Merlin doing this to him? They were friends. Best friends even!

"Lancelot," Merlin said as if he could read Gwaine's thoughts.

The look of despair on the rugged knight's face drew sympathetic glances from the women and one of them reached forward to stroke his hair gently.

Merlin was also looking at the woman, but with a pensive frown. "Your hair," he said suddenly, snapping his fingers.

Gwaine did the obligatory hair flip that followed every time his fabulous locks were mentioned, though his hands also came up to protect the hair.

Giant, wicked looking scissors were suddenly glinting in Merlin's hand. Damn the day Arthur lifted the ban on sorcery!

"No," the handsome knight whimpered. "Please don't. I'll do everything. You can tell them everything."

His pleas fell on deaf ears. The time for mercy had long since passed, mainly somewhere between Merlin's fifth or sixth round. The feeble protests Gwaine made amounted to nothing as Merlin pinned him down and sheared all his hair off.

"I faced the most feared of all foes. The ultimate killing machine himself when I dragged his lazy arse out of bed every morning. Don't be too hard on yourself, Gwaine." Merlin held up his prize.

Even when Merlin addressed him, no one had spared the fallen knight a second glance. It became obvious why a second later when Merlin placed the hair in his hand on a fat and bald man's head and every lady in the room collectively sighed. Switching the magical headpiece to a chair only served to make the dreamy gazes realize what a handsome chair it was.

A beat passed, and then pandemonium broke out as every man dove for the hair.

Merlin's eyes met Gwaine's in the middle of the uproar and he mouthed 'My job here is done' before taking his leave.

Gwaine's eyes filled with tears. He'd taken his shirt off and no one had noticed.

A/N: So falls the brave sir Gwaine. It is, I find, incredibly hard to insult a characters you can't help but adore. Add to that Gwaine's own shamelessness and it becomes that much harder.
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