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In Progress-

Waiting For My Real Life To Begin- Working on the second chapter. Is part of a series "Ashes to Dust, Wraith to Vamps." Season One will be book one, Season Two= Book Two, yadda yadda.

Fav Quotes:

No matter what happens, never call on the government, the church, or any other massive controlling authority for help. They'll just send a brigade of soldiers to burn your entire village to the ground.- anonymous

Whoever said ignorance is bliss, never tried to tell the guy they have a crush on about it.- me, after watching my best friend stutter around the guy she liked for two years

The truth is, it's an intergalactic road-trip through space and time. Different from a regular road-trip in subtle but very important ways, chief among which are a) we never know where the war zones are, and b) there's only one person in the universe who knows how to drive the car. - Rose in Hotel Californa, go read it

If there is anywhere important you have to get to on foot, you can be sure that it's uphill.- Farr2rich's Rule of Life number 1

Whenever you are raking leaves or shoveling snow, the wind will never blow in the direction you want it to.- Farr2rich's Rule of Life number 2

Whenever you have hit rock bottom, Life has a way of throwing you a shovel.- Farr2rich's Rule of Life number 4

When Live hands you a shovel, don't do two things. First, do not dig any deeper. Second, don't dig a hole for anyone else.- Farr2rich's Rule of Life number 5

Choose wisely who you are going to marry. This single act will determine ninety percent of your happiness and misery for the rest of your life.- Farr2rich's Rule of Life number 6

There are three rings in marriage: Engagement ring, Marriage ring, Suffering.- Farr2rich's Rule of Life number 7

Don't say "We don't play to win," and then keep score.- Farr2rich's Rule of Life number 9

The good die young and pricks live forever.- Farr2rich's Rule of Life number 16

If you have to play a sport and get nothing but strikes, play bowling.- Farr2rich's Rule of Life number 20.

Never argue with a fool. They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.- Quote from The Tooth Fairy's Foxchild

Smile, it hides everything- unknown

Pain doesn't hurt when its the only thing you've ever felt. -unknown

Scars are souvenirs you never lose. -unknown

Not all scars show, not all wounds heal, sometimes you can't always see the pain someone feels. -unknown

Hold on... train of thought hit a car. -unknown

Sorry, there's no cure for stupidity!- unknown

"Me, I'm dishonest, and with a dishonest man, you can always trust him to be dishonest. Honestly. Its the honest ones you've got to watch out for, because you never know when they're going to turn around and do something incredibly stupid!" -Jack Sparrow (pirates of the Caribbean)

Life's a bitch, and then they call you one.-unknown

If I throw a stick, will you go away?-unknown

If you made a rocket and flew to space, I'd still say you were stupid.-unknown

Don't let your alligator mouth overrun your bird brain.-unknown

Some wounds never heal.-unknown

There are very few issues that can't be resolved through 500 yards through a scope.- The boyfriend of Death By Squishy

Being a martyr for a cause that you don’t believe in won't help anyone.-Sirius in lessthenlucid's 'Fallen'

"Dunbar was lying motionless on his back again with his eyes staring up at the ceiling like a doll's. He was working hard at increasing his lifespan. He did it by cultivating boredom. Dunbar was working so hard at increasing his lifespan that Yossarian thought he was dead."- Joseph Heller, Catch-22

"The conqueror is always a lover of peace; he would prefer to take over our country unopposed."- Karl von Clausewitz

"From time to time, the tree of Liberty must be watered with the blood of tyrants and patriots." - Thomas Jefferson

"War is an art, and as such is not susceptible to explanation by fixed formula." - General George S. Patton Jr.

"As much as some would like to think otherwise, man's history is a history determined, measured, and defined by warfare, with entire periods of time dedicated to the primary material or technology used to create the best weapons of the era. We are a species dedicated to annihilation. And from the beginning of civilization until the end of humanity itself, one truth remains: there is nothing that man, nature, God, or the Devil can create that we cannot destroy." - Ken "Snake" Yakata a character created by Black Dragon6

“Even though that was supposed to be taken as a compliment I’ll tell you this that really made a blow to my female pride.” - Callie in "Will and Determination"

“I’m dead, not deaf."- Izayoi Taisho's Darlings

I miss you like a druggie misses pot.- my sister's friend.

"So what do you want to do? Wait until nightfall and surprise them, or go charging in now and make them think we're crazy? I prefer the second choice myself..." a character in the RPG I play online.

Luck protects fools, small children, and the main protagonist of stories. Exceptions exclude Shakespearean characters, soap opera characters, Urashima Keitaro, Ranma Saotome near any body of water, and Archie Andrews.- Card Captor Harry

It is said that if you were to walk down the Main Street of Krovesport at night, alone, you would be robbed twice, conned once, and stabbed thrice before you made it from one front door to the next.- Adventure Quest

"Aren't you supposed to be taking care of us?"

"I'm supposed to get you to adulthood ALIVE, not uncorrupted."- Sasuke and Kakashi in Bedtime Stories

“I’m so glad you’re my teacher, not one of those crazies,” Naruto mumbled into Kakashi’s flack jacket.

“Hey, don’t insult my teacher!” Lee exclaimed. “Gai-sensei is not crazy! He’s a great shining role model and the best teacher you ever hope for!”

“…See what I mean!?” Naruto wailed.

“Yes, I know,” Kakashi said as soon as he recalibrated his brain so it would be able to accommodate a sentence that used ‘Gai’ and ‘not crazy’ on the same breath. It took longer than he wanted, as Gai and ‘not crazy’ haven’t been on speaking terms for the last ten years.- Naruto, Lee, and Kakashi in A Different Perspective.

"You know Artix, normally in a rescue quest the hostage is not fighting his way to the boss with the monsters fleeing in terror..."-My character on DragonFable.

"We are ninja, remember? Swift, silent, deadly? Not just clichés.”-Sasuke in "Kyuubis Gou"

“’Noble is the blade which bites to keep the blossom in the light; wicked is the blade which thrusts to keep itself from gaining rust.’”-Iruka, dunno where he got it, in "No Longer Alone."

“PROFESSOR SNAPE!” Harry cried joyfully– royally freaking out Snape and everyone else in the classroom– as he launched himself at the professor, glomping him around the waist. “Oh, professor, I missed you so much! All this summer, I thought of you. I never want to leave you again! You are, without a doubt, a sweet, patient, impartial, kind teacher! TEACH ME!”-Harry in "Uzumaki Harry"

Ino smirked when she heard Kakashi-sensei mutter, “I think I’ve been forgotten by that brat.”

She patted the jounin’s back in mock sympathy and coaxed, “Don’t feel so bad. Iruka-sensei’s a thousand times better at teaching that you’ll ever be.”

“Thank you, Ino. Your support is /very/ admirable. I’m deeply touched.”-Ino and Kakashi in "Between the Sun and Moon."

“I don’t live solely on porn, Ino.”

“Well, no use telling me that,” the girl pointedly stated. “Almost half of Konoha’s population is convinced that you do.”-Kakashi and Ino in "Between the Sun and Moon."

“You know,” he observed, “times have changed. When I was your age, girls impressed boys with a pretty kimono, or an elaborate hairstyle with bejeweled pins. Now they do it by beating the hell out of people.”- Old Man Ramen in "Team 8"

"Get out there and help your brother! It’s your duty to protect him because—,”

Hizashi sighed the sigh of someone who is not paid enough to put up with his family and stopped struggling, instead walking down the road resignedly. “Yeah, yeah, I know, the Main House is completely incapable of taking care of itself.”- Hizashi and his mother in "Dark Corners of the House of the Rising Sun."

“So what? I mean, it’s not like Kakashi’s never gotten drunk and hit on me."-Naruto to Hinata in "Dark Corners of the House of the Rising Sun."

"Slytherin is a perfectly respectable house... sometimes."- Sorting Hat, "A Mistaken Sorting."

"No Gryffindor has a survival instinct worth a damn."- Sorting Hat, "A Mistaken Sorting."

"Slytherin is not really about 'pure blood', you know. It's actually all about cunning and ambition. And if you don't have those traits, I'm a tap-dancing flamingo."- Sorting Hat "A Mistaken Sorting."

Snape, it can safely be assumed, despised children. Most teachers do, but Snape had elevated it to a state well beyond normal boundaries. With his rather unique training in certain areas of magic and absolutely nil instruction in the area of teaching, Snape was to education what Voldemort was to life insurance. It had been eight years since the last official complaint against him, which said much for his campaign of intimidation.-"A Mistaken Sorting."

“Why couldn’t you have had the decency to strangle him–” an irritable jerk of the head toward the Gryffindor side of the room was sufficient to inform all present of the ‘him’ being referred to, “with his own umbilical cord in the womb?”

“Who would you take your vitriol out on then, sir?” Potter – Harry, no, Potter… goddamn the quirk of biology that had resulted in Lily bearing fraternal twins, and especially for bearing them both to term! – inquired in as respectful a tone as could be managed when subtly insulting your teacher.- Snape and Harry Potter in "A Mistaken Sorting." My goddess, I'd forgotten how amusing that was.

In Hogwarts, everything up to and including maiming and attempted murder was possible and permitted, provided it appeared to be an accident. -"A Mistaken Sorting."

At last. Proof of his deeply-held belief that children were all vicious, murderous little bastards twice as bad as any Dark Lord.-Snape, "A Mistaken Sorting."

"Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said "CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT." "

"The evening news always opens by them saying 'Good evening' and then proceeds to tell you exactly why it isn't."

Curiosity killed the cat...but then again, a cat has nine lives.

"Reality is nothing that stops to exist when we stop believing in it."

"Stop making the same stupid mistakes and start making new ones"

"Sometimes the key to wisdom is not to answer every stupid question that somebody asks you."

It's better to look stupid and keep your mouth closed than to open it and prove it.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

You're about to be a strange smell in the attic, or basement, or alleyway, or where ever I can put your body.

If at first you don’t succeed...Cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.

I reject your reality and substitute my own.

Blackmail is the answer to everything.

Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a swimming pool.

I've discovered that I often visit the state of confusion, and I know my way around pretty well.

"If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?"

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

You have the right to remain silent, so, please--SHUT UP!

If aliens are smart enough to travel through space, then why do they abduct the dumbest people on earth??

Judge me all you want, but keep the verdict to yourself.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

There's a light at the end of every tunnel, just pray it's not a train.

Everyone’s entitled to be stupid but you’re abusing the privilege

Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

It's hard to soar like an eagle when you're surrounded by turkeys.

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.

The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action

You have a right to your opinions. I just don't want to hear them.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane

We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like grandfather...not screaming like the passengers in his car.
Every thing in Bold I got from Mellie11's profile.

Anko closed her eyes, fighting to keep from blowing up on the man. Murder of a Hokage was frowned on...sometimes justified, but frowned on.- "Naruto:Altered History."

“I was just thinking, maybe I could write something like this and make money like uncle Jiraiya too.”

Harry raised a heavy eyebrow. “Aren’t you a bit young to be considering possible suicide?”-Sasuke and Harry in "Uzumaki Harry."

“Where I live, people live fast, die young, and usually leave a mutilated corpse."-Harry "Uzumaki Harry.

After the opening joke, Harry knew one thing: Iruka would probably kill the guy for making a mockery of the teaching profession.

Then came the written test.

After the fifth Gilderoy Lockhart question, Harry just rolled back his eyes, leaned on his chair and took a nap. Forget kill, Iruka-sensei would probably torture the man for as long as possible.- "Uzumaki Harry"

Even Kakashi usually sought out someone who was still breathing when he needed a second opinion about something.-"Hidden Behind an Oak Tree."

“At last we meet again. You have soiled my territory for far too long, so realize that this meeting will be our last. I am you judge, jury and executioner and my sentence upon you, is death!”

“Dude, are you done with the dramatics? Some of these guys over here are nearly losing it and you’re playing Shakespeare with the thing in the fridge.”-Naruto Clones! "Lies and Decite"

"Compare it to your chosen profession of Cursebreaking. At least you Breakers wait for a person to be buried before trying to rob their vaults. Politicians do it while they’re still alive.”- "Bungle in the Jungle: A Harry Potter Adventure."

Originally compiled and edited by Darrin Bright and Ryan Shellito

1. Law of Metaphysical Irregularity
The normal laws of physics do not apply.

2. Law of Differentiated Gravitation
Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborn, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.

3. Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics
In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

4. Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion
In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.

5. Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion
The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.

6. Law of Temporal Variability
Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

7. First Law of Temporal Mortality
'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two ways. Either so quick they don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.

8. Second Law of Temporal Mortality
It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quickly they didn't even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

9. Law of Dramatic Emphasis
Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still-frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).

10, Law of Dramatic Multiplicity
Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the 'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.

11. Law of Inherent Combustability
Everything explodes. Everything.
First Corollary - Anything that explodes bulges first.
Second Corollary - Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".

12. Law of Phlogistatic Emission
Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

13. Law of Energetic Emission
There is alway an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy 'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustability.

14. Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude
The destructive potential of a weapon is inversly proportional to its size.
First Corollary - Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also know as the A-Ko phenomenon.

15. Law of Inexhaustability
No one EVER runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

16. Law of Inverse Accuracy
The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect)
Example: A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a 'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.
First Corollary - The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage.
Second Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
Third Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvres.

17. Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability
Minmei is a bimbo.

18. Law of Hemoglobin Capacity
The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.

19. Law of Demonic Consistency
Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown (but black is not unknown), and can only be hurt by bladed weapons.

20. Law of Militaristic Unreliability
Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war-machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.

21. Law of Tactical Unreliability
Tactical geniuses aren't...

22. Law of Inconsequential Undetectability
People never notice the little things... Like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

23. Law of Juvenile Intellectuality
Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.

24. Law of Americanthropomorphism
Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny 'Bad Guy' or a big stupid 'Good Guy'.
First Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect.)
Second Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors.

25. Law of Mandibular Proportionality
The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

26. Law of Feline Mutation
Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
a) be female
b) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation
c)and wear as little clothing as possible, if any.

27. Law of Conservation of Firepower
Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.

28. Law of Technological User-Benevolence
The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

29. Law of Melee Luminescence
Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

30. Law of Non-anthropomorphic Antagonism
All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

31. Law of Follicular Chroma Variability
Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.

32. Law of Follicular Permanence
Hair in anime is pretty much indestructable, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!

33. Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics
ANY shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.

34. Law of Probable Attire
Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines.
--Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off the afore-mentioned female's clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene).
--Whenever there is a headwind, a Male characters will invariably wear a long cloak which doesn't hamper movement and billows out dramatically behind him.
First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) - All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) - Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.

35. Law of Musical Omnipotence
Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on... especially if they have never attempted these things before.

36. Law of Quitupular Aggultination
Also called "The Five-man Rule," when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:
a) The Hero/Leader
b) His girlfriend
c) His Best Friend/Rival
d) A Hulking Brute
e) A Dwarf/Kid
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:
--Extreme Coolness
--Amazing intelligence
--Incredible Irritation

37. Law of Extradimensional Capacitance
All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice.
First Corollary (The Hammer Rule) - The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.

38. Law of Hydrostatic Emission
Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.

39. Law of Inverse Attraction
Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get.
First Corollary Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world...

40. Law of Nasal Sanguination
When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.

41. Law of Xylolaceration
Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.

42. Law of Juvenile Omnipotence
Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.

43. Law of Quadrotriscadecophobia
There is no Law #43.

44. Law of Nominative Clamovocation
The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced.

45. Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis
Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any 'Bad Guys' witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.

46. Law of Flimsy Incognition
Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.

As a side note: Chidori is also called Raikiri (Lightning Edge) as supposedly Kakashi once cut a lightning bolt in half with it (how or why he did this is not explained. Neither is how he avoided being turned into Kentucky Fried Copy-nin.)-Author's note in "Foxhound."

"It also doesn’t help that the Gryffindor Seeker sucks like a three dollar…”

“Harry Potter! You will not finish that sentence.” Said Hermione. “And besides, our seeker isn’t that bad.”

“Isn’t that bad? I haven’t seen someone look so confused and lost concerning the location of a gold object since Minister Fudge was asked about campaign contributions.”-"Harry Potter, Remixed."

“Look, all she needs to hear from you is three words, “I don’t care.” It’s the same statement that has basically defined your relationship with your oldest daughter since she turned 4, I think you can manage to say it to your nephew’s fiancee without any major qualms."-Neji to Hiashi in "Dark Corners of the House of the Rising Sun."

Living next door to a couple was always interesting. There was the arguing couple, the one who screamed at each other over everything they could think of. The loud couple, the one who could never figure out that it was possible to talk in a tone of voice that wasn't trying to talk on a cell phone in the middle of a club. The deaf couple, the one who had to turn their television up to volume level sixty-four because for some reason they couldn't hear anything. And, of course...the sex couple. The one that couldn't exist in the same room without having sex in it.- "Stalk Me."

In order to keep the cosmic balance, somebody has to get a ticket. Offer up the jerk weaving through traffic and tailgating everyone on the road. When approaching your favorite speed trap, drive the speed limit and get him nice and riled. Once you approach the radar zone, give him just enough room to let him squeak by. He’ll be in such a hurry to pass and tell you you’re number one that he’ll never notice Mr. Officer and his book of fun. Balance restored.- A list on how to avoid speeding tickets.

Kurenai had a theory about the more skilled jonins developing severe personality quirks to compensate for the stresses of missions. If she ever wanted to make a presentation on this theory for the Konoha Natural Philosophy Society, Maito Gai would be exhibit A.- "Team 8"

The Anko approach was easy enough: follow the person, declare loudly that you were their friend, and simply ignore any protests that the other might have until the other stops protesting and accepts their fate.- "Konoha Christmas"

How do I politely tell someone to go take a flying jump off a cliff without a parachute?- Me, about a guy who won't take a hint.

Neji panicked. How was he supposed to know what to do? He was a teenage genius ninja- he had no concept of romance (that fell under people skills, which he didn’t have)- "Prankster"

"A part of me is always upside down. Unthinking. Keeping a distance from the facts. Unfortunately, it's the part that lives and breathes."- April in the online comic, "College Roomies From Hell," which can be found at

"Ranma, do you know anything about the pain of being alone?"
Ranma shook his head rapidly. "No, I'm more familiar with the other kind of pain. Of being constantly surrounded."- Kasumi and Ranma in "Ranma Saotome: Attorney At Law"

“The prince in shining armor is here to save the day!”

“After he shoved it into peril in the first place.”- Toshihiro and probably Hisoka in Second Law of Ranmadynamics

"Honey, if we ever have a daughter, we are not naming her Yum Yum. That's just telling her to be a whore. You can't even be a stripper with a name like that, its just straight to the street corner."- My cousin to his wife while we were watching The Thief and the Cobbler.

"Why is our evil demon knight arguing for a selfless charge into the enemy while our holy priest is trying to make money from the local residents' misfortune?"- K in "Nexus II"

"Never say goodbye. Never give death a foothold in your mind, until you have no other choice. "- Ranma in "The Wild Horse Thesis"

It is also a little known fact that one of the best ways to determine if you are, in fact, in a hidden village is checking to see if the roofs of all of the buildings have been reinforced. Even non-nin get the hint when one too many family dinners are interrupted by a genin falling onto the table.-"Outclassed"

"That's like telling a mute that he has the right to remain silent!"

"snort And he's like, 'Thanks, jerk."- My sister and I.

“I was never scared. The dragon was clearly chasing you.”- Harry and Thundercloud in "Bungle in the Jungle: A Harry Potter Adventure."

"He is everything I ever aspired to be."

"Your aspiration is to be impaled on a halberd? Your parents must be proud."- Cale and Tavor in "Looking For Group." found at

“The heart always knows the way home. It’s walking the path that’s the hard part…”- Haku in "Key Through The Heart."

"The worst is when he dreams of Tani, because he'll wake up screaming as if he'll never be whole again."- A line that's going to end up in one of my stories. Eventually.

"You're world falls apart once a month, so does mine."-My sister to my other sister talking about PMS.

"Rejoice. For very bad things are about to happen."- Richard in "Looking For Group."

“Repressing memories isn’t just for chuckles, it’s a town-wide competitive sport.”- Xander in "Whisper."

“People miss the point of Cinderella. Cinderella wasn’t looking for her prince charming. Cinderella wasn’t looking for rescue. She only wanted to go to the ball. She wanted to be seen and accepted for who she was.”- Dolly in "Whisper"

"But what about Oz? And Xander? And your crush on Giles?" Buffy demanded, sounding near hysterics.

"Oh lord. I'll be leaving the room for the moment. Go on as if I made a valid excuse." Giles all but ran into the kitchen. The sound of cupboards opening and glasses clinking soon reached them.- Buffy to Willow in "What She Needs"

“We wear the mask that grins and lies,

It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes

This debt we pay to human guile;

With torn and bleeding hearts we smile.”- Poem in "Distorted Reflections of a Hidden Mask"

“They're whichever is the one that means I'm not a paranoid nutball.”

“Oh, I wouldn't worry about that. We passed regular paranoia awhile back.”- Xander and Jack in "Lest We Forget."

"I have come to the conclusion that the most dangerous person to a stratified community is a gamer with access to the power to change things. Mostly because a gamer can analyze the "rules" such as they are and then interpret in such a way as to completely shift the paradigm."-Sharpie1815 I think.

"But if it ever comes to pass that the law is criminal and one protected by it approaches you to do violence, well, the rule there is: 'shoot, shovel, and shut up.'"-Skysaber in his capacity as Gilderoy Lockhart in "My Gilded Life"

“You have five seconds to show me what you were drawing on the back of the take-out menu,” Tony says. “McGee, if this is another one of those things where you’re trying to figure out how many people have to die for you to become director, you will be coming with me on the plane to the conference, and you will be shoved out of an airlock somewhere over the Atlantic.”- Ten Nonlinear Moves

Tony tries to remember that these people are well-educated, full-grown adults who help him solve crimes. They help protect the nation.

“Wow, are we screwed,” he says absently.- Ten Nonlinear Moves

“Um… Tony?” McGee felt he should do something. Gibbs would not be happy to come back to his desk and find that his workstation had been used to cave someone’s head in. He wouldn’t be mad about the damage to the workstation, necessarily, but the blood all over his furniture might end up being a sore point.- "Anger Management"

'STRESS: A condition brought on by over-riding the bodies desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it.'

His brother, he discovered, had more layers than a Texan at the North Pole.- Sam about Dean in "The Wake Up Call"

"The history of man is filled with men doing horrible things to other men and occasionally letting women join in."- My uncle. I agree with him.

"The closer you get to the light, the darker the shadow."- Kingdom Hearts

John snorted. “We’ll be there in a few hours. Soon as we’re settled I’ll get some food goin’.”

John’s sons suddenly stared at one another in horror. Even Bobby cast a terrified look John’s way. John Winchester’s cooking skills were legendary for being utterly abysmal, and had been known to cause ghosts and spirits of a certain calibre to turn and run when they saw him coming.- "In The Arms of Love." Not as corny as it sounds. Winchesters against the Mob

He may not be demonstrative, but how could anyone miss the panic in his tone and behavior when Tony went missing, kidnapped, or faced any sort of peril.. his almost manic search for answers when Tony got the plague, and the devastating grief he felt when they presumed Tony dead in that exploding car. The only problem was that his feelings were clear for all to see, except for Tony who was usually otherwise occupied.- Gibbs in Psychological Autopsy.

Gibbs arched an eyebrow in amusement. "Still fighting over who's the boss?"

"I already have one controlling alpha in my life. I don't need two." Tony pointed out while unbuttoning his shirt.

"Most people would fire their housekeeper if they act like Isabella treats you."

"I've tried. She won't go away, and I'm afraid she'll kill anyone else I hire."- Gibbs and Tony in "Are They?"

Ducky (Ducky is examining a decomposing corpse dumped in a living room) I'll have to research the predatory, manipulative, grandiose nature of this behavior, but my first impression is that we're dealing with a complete loon.

DiNozzo: That Master's in Psych is starting to pay off, Ducky. (NCIS)

"He does have a heart."

"Yeah, it's named Abby." My dad and I, about Gibbs

"When mom's not happy, dad's not happy. And when dad's not happy, nobody's happy."

"You make it sound like a disease, he doesn't spread, he shares." Me and my sister

"To talk without thinking is to shoot without aiming." Eighteenth century English proverb

Hakkai, the priest thought suspiciously, was Up To Something. And given he wasn't talking about it, it was going to be a surprise.

Which most people would have thought was just fine, Sanzo was sure. But then, most people didn't know that surprises by way of Hakkai were less of the girl-in-the-cake variety, and more of the what do you mean, they don't know how many bodies yet?- Entanglements Vathara

Tony shrugged. "Don't worry about it, Ducky. Gotta have something to talk about on the way." He paused. "Actually, I hadn't even thought about that. This could be bad..."

"When in doubt, dear boy," Ducky said, patting his arm, "fake sleep."- From "Down to the Depths of Hell"

"Your mind is full of puzzles. And the puzzles are winning."-My brother, as he was helping my sister with a Zelda game

He had somehow managed to find himself in the land that time forgot, and considering that he belonged to a society that still used quills and ink bottles, that was truly saying something.- Escaping Fate

“He hired you because you were already a teacher?” Harry blinked. “I don’t think he’s ever done that before…”- Professor Doyle

"Does the wizarding world have any laws against pedophilia?" asked Hermione in tones of dawning horror.

"Not sure pet." Said Flare shrugging. "I'm rich and dark, we have vigilantism down to a fine art. Ask Susan."- Raising Cain

"Anyone know why Weasley lost?"

"He forgot that he was fighting Indigo." sighed Granger, shaking her head slowly. "Which one must never do, for he is cleaver and flexible and moderately ruthless."

"Very true." agreed Zambini, utterly serene.- Raising Cain

"Shut up you psychotic little hellions!" yelled Kougaiji.

No-one was offended by this. When the man teaching you how to break people's noses calls you a psychotic little hellion then it's almost certainly a compliment.- Raising Cain

Moriarty actually grinned, such an alien expression that John was taken aback, the man really was not very stable, undeniably brilliant, and subtle but sanity had left the building long ago, if indeed it had ever been in residence.- Self Delusion

John look around at the state of their lodgings with a weary sigh, it was going to take weeks to get some semblance of order back.

He glowered at the skull on the mantel. "You were supposed to be watching him, Yorick!"- Self Delusion

"We can rest contentedly in our sins and in our stupidities, and anyone who has watched gluttons shoveling down the most exquisite foods as if they did not know what they were eating will admit that we can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world." -C.S. Lewis

Rodney gives him the look John likes to call the "C'mon boy, don't be an idiot boy, that's a good idiot!" look.

Woolsey gets that look a lot.- Of Space Cowboys and Red Pills

"I don't think this is what the Ancients intended it to be used for."

"I don't see them standing here complaining."- Rodney and John in Alternative Storage

"Most people think about age and experience in terms of years, but it's really only moments that define us. We stay mostly the same and then grow up suddenly, at the turning points." - Unknown

HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.

A berserker jinchuuriki. Kakashi suppressed the urge to scream in frustration. My life is complete. How did I ever survive without all these responsibilities?- Another Player In The Game

When you have more chakra than two kages and are over seven feet tall you don't need to be hostile to be intimidating.- Another Player In The Game

'Do not provoke crazy ninja with more chakra than you do' was pretty much a ninja rule, for all it wasn't an official one.- Another Player In The Game

Angry ANBU. I really wish I wasn't here.- Another Player In The Game

Izuma gaped. "Amemai-san, are you suggesting that Danzo-san accused you of having an affair with the head of the T&I department?"

"I'm not sure which of us was more offended," Ibiki said, emerging from the shadow of the partially open front door.- Another Player In The Game

"Please, don't put us in the same league. I am a menace to society. You are simply a nuisance."- Pitch, to Jack, in A Home for Fear.

To those of you who have liked my stories, I would like to apologize for not updating. There really is no excuse, and I'll try to be better about it. Thank you for taking the time to read and review my stories.

I would just like to thank my wonderful betas, Late For the Sky and journeyman07. Without them, Waiting For My Real Life To Begin would not exist beyond an idea in my head. They reassure me that my characters are acting like themselves and that the plot bunnies getting high on crack and stealing my fingers is not a bad thing.