Summary- They were always watching the golden boy and chosen heir to Vongola instead of keeping their eyes on where they really should have been all along- on his unassuming looking, vaguely manipulative, lazy and scheming twin brother Tsuna, who really just wants to live comfortably and read all day. Too bad for them, no one seemed to notice until it was a little too late.

Disclaimer- I own nothing recognisable! If you don't recognise something or someone as apart of canon then it is most likely of my invention.

Warnings- AU at points, Canon Divergence at points, Twin fic, Smart-but-lazy!Tsuna, sarcastic-but-oblivious!Tsuna, lazy authoress, pairings undecided if they exist, some chapters will be cracky while others serious.

Chapter 1: Being Legendary takes work, being Exceptional takes attention, being Brilliant takes thought and Being Average takes killing off those you speak to and even then...

(1)

Tsuna, who from the mere age of four years old, had a plan for his life.

It was a simple plan that involved being a ghost and living the calm and average life of an average Japanese male. He was going to go to school and get himself good grades, slightly above average but nothing outstanding to draw attention to himself. He would make some acquaintances- very average people- and walk the halls like a phantom. If people saw him and got interested enough to ask of him, people would answer with an 'oh him, don't know' or 'Just Tsuna.' He would, in no way, stand out. Eventually he would graduate, not with honours but not with anything less than a solid pass. He would find the average paper pushing job earning enough to live simply and move out of home into a small apartment. He would marry a nice girl, average just like him. She wouldn't be stunning but not ugly either, just a plain face in the crowd. He'd have two kids, a boy and a girl and when the boy had gone off and completed his own goals and the girl had married and had children of her own, he would retire and spend the rest of his days reading. He wold pass away in his sleep before his wife and that would be that, his life in a single paragraph, just the way he wanted it.

Of course, everything should have worked out. He had factored in all he could at the age of four, making minor adjustments along the way. His brother, for all he was worth, was quite like the sun. Beautiful, warm and shining from afar, but nothing any human would want to get too close to least they get skin cancer and die a horribly unsatisfying death or just plain melted to the bone. In which case, not even the bones would survive after being bleached by harsh rays and eventually cracking to pieces of dust. That was Ienari for you.

His little brother was, for lack of better words, the poster boy for the perfect child. Unless, of course, you spent more than forty-eight hours straight with him and without interval. He was all charisma and bright smiles, energy and fun until you close the door and realise how selfish he could be. Tsuna wouldn't say he had an abusive brother, as far as siblings go, Ienari wasn't that bad. It was more like Ienari hated Tsuna gaining any ground or attention that was supposed to be his. And for Ienari, it was all his. Tsuna didn't really blame him for this, rather his parents because, really, they had spoiled him a bit. Okay, maybe a lot.

Either way, Ienari still had a lot going for him. He had friends in abundance, was a natural athlete and was genuinely amusing when it came to his failing grades when he reached school years that no one faulted him for it. So, it was natural that Tsuna would use his brother to hide behind- becoming a main factor in his life's plan- when others were around because, honestly, who would pay attention to Tsuna when they could 'ooh' and 'ahh' over his more brilliant and shining, perfect little twin brother. Essentially, he didn't exist around Ienari.

Ghost- Check.

Next was Tsuna's mother, who, had been dubbed as Nana formally in his head. Nana wasn't a bad mother, not at all, she just wasn't a mother. Not to Tsuna anyway. It's typically said that the few first years of a child's life are dedicated to a few things. A) Developing mind skills. B) Gaining control of bodily functions and C) Developing the basic emotions of a human being.

Tsuna was a little more advance than most kids. So when he was supposed to be figuring out what being hungry felt like, he was instead already working out the roles of people in his life, which was natural, if he were five instead of one.

As it were, Nana never registered as a mother. This was a direct result of him being, he wouldn't call it neglected, just slightly ignored. Ienari was a healthy and loud child, drawing any attention away from the quiet twin who preferred silently assessing people opposed to laughing over shiny nothings that hung from above his crib.

Tsuna liked to think that Nana was just drawn in by Ienari's energy. Still, Nana from that stage on came across as more of his care taker. That one woman who feeds him and every once and a while looked at him and patted his head in a fashion similar to a master and it's dog. He didn't mind, Nana was a nice person and all but she was slightly ditzy. If he was going to have a mother, she had to at least act like him or share his love for books therefore, Nana was not his mother. However, he was polite to her on off chance he couldn't find a good mother for himself. That and her cooking skills were truly something to be in awe over. As his caretaker he hoped she would impart her knowledge to him.

Then there was Tsuna's supposed father, who he didn't know. He had asked his caretaker about this particular male and apparently had met him more than once. He couldn't recall exactly because he had on occasion met a number of men more than once who were all practical strangers, none of which looked like him. It was only after staring at Ienari for a long five minutes- that the boy either ignored his 'creepy' brother or just didn't notice- that Tsuna remembered a blonde drunk male entering the house once.

Suffice to say, Tsuna hadn't met this man, neither personally nor formally. He had seen him but quickly write him off and found himself a nice hidden corner to read in. He should have noticed the similarities between his brother and the man, the same blonde hair, stupid grin and bad habits. So obvious but he hadn't even learned the mans name until some time after realising he was his father.

He was Iemitsu, a part time construction worker/zoologist/digger/miner/lover/husband/father and full time liar, a bad one at that. Tsuna didn't even want to know what he really did, it was probably really disturbing, like a male stripper or something, not that he was judging, he just didn't want to think about it. The man could do whatever he wanted, Tsuna wouldn't stop him.

Naturally, just because the man had impregnated his caretaker that eventually resulted in his birth didn't mean that Iemitsu was his father. Clearly, he was his sire who helped make him before running off. Strangely enough, his caretaker seemed to pine over his sire despite her practically being ignored by Iemitsu until the days he appeared in a whirlwind disrupting Tsuna's zen before leaving again.

So really, Tsuna's plan for life could've- should've, gone to plan. Unfortunately it had complications the moment he entered school. Meaning; bullies.

Now, Tsuna for all his laziness, was a calculative person relying on his careful manoeuvring of people in society, finding them roles and using those roles as pawns for his average lifestyle and convenience. Even so, he was still six and people who picked on people for absolutely nothing, was unfathomable to his logical mind. For what gain, did children do this? He didn't understand it but he did eventually learn what caused it.

Standards. Tsuna hated standards, they were never set, always moving about making things difficult for him. As it were, as a Sawada- even if he didn't really recognise it as his own surname figuring neither parents were his true parents- there was a certain bar he was obligated to reach, in which he didn't. One, because he was lazy, and two, because he didn't know it existed until he was tipped upside down and insulted.

As the brother of Golden boy Ienari, he was supposed to match up. He didn't, which was why he hated standards. Tsuna was aware he was nothing like his brother, he just didn't think it would matter if Ienari were in his general area outshining him. What he didn't factor into his plans was people searching him out because of his brother. If Ienari was so great, surely his twin must be too! As Tsuna didn't meet their standards, the harassment began.

And how in all seven hells was he supposed to be a ghost and go unnoticed if people were constantly searching him out to beat him up for lunch money he never had? He wasn't, which was why it had to stop.

(1)

His plan was a relatively simple one based on a number of things. Predictability, human ego, rules and fear.

It was two weeks ago that Tsuna had been walking home because his caretaker had forgotten that he too, needed to be picked up from school, that he came across a bunch of hoodlum teenager vandalising the brick walls of Namimori Elementary just outside the playgrounds. Now, normally, Tsuna wasn't so quick to judge, the strokes of spray paint could be considered art if he stared long enough and maybe it was but he always considered artist to be passionate people and these teens had sprayed so quickly the act came off as amateurish. So quickly he had dubbed it vandalism. Like he said, he usually didn't judge so fast.

Not to mention they only used one colour. He had been half a field away from them in the covers of the trees lining the property so in a schoolboy-like fashion he gripped his school bag and prepared to skip away because one, he didn't care. Two, it wasn't art and therefore not worth his time and three, his caretaker was making dango.

He only made two happy hops before a mangled scream stopped him. He turned his head to watch in morbid fascination as four teenage boys skulls were crushed in by two metal poles attached to a boy maybe two or three years older than himself. Tsuna was too impressed, to be overly horrified by the display of bloodthirsty violence. He watched in silence as the boy simply left the unconscious bodies on the ground, blood seeping from their heads, hair matted with the same crimson liquid.

He had of course, attentively entered a shop and used their phone to call an ambulance for the boys, giving them location and injury details before hanging up and skipping out. His citizen-of-Namimori duty done, he spent the next two days attempting to find out about this person. It was rather difficult considering he didn't want to draw attention to himself, and definitely not the attention of the person he more or less started stalking. Is wasn't long before people were talking about the injured teens and so Tsuna didn't have to do anything but listen.

There was speculation and gossip but they all had one thing in common, Hibari Kyoya.

His curiosity getting the better of him he had spent the next day staking outside of Namimori Elementary, book in hand and waited until the boy showed up and he had, just not in the way Tsuna had been expecting; on the roof tops. Needless to say Tsuna learnt how to climb that day, all with only a few scars earned.

Still he was determined to know this Hibari and as days went by, Tsuna was more and more disappointed. Hibari was an animal, a bloodthirsty, violent, reckless animal. It didn't take much time to notice that Hibari went after those who broke the rules and practically bludgered them to death. Tsuna would watch as metal glinted and teeth bared as he swung his tonfa around with the skill of someone far older. Dark hair falling into his eyes as he relentlessly hacked into his victims with speed and hate, blood flying and spraying against concrete. The older boy looked like a wild animal, growling and snapping at his prey. But what was worse, was that Tsuna simply watched before walking away, not interfering once, like he said, he didn't usually judge so quickly.

The Hibari's eyes were always the same, it actually pained Tsuna to look into them, even from afar. Sharp grey eyes of cold steel, always looking out to the world with hate and anger, but that disappeared for fleeting seconds when destroying everything around him. Tsuna wondered if hurting others stopped whatever pain the older boy felt and Tsuna could understand that, he really could.

But that didn't stop the disappointment he felt, that boy could really be something if he tried but, didn't that make him a big hypocrite? Most definitely.

(1)

Tsuna waited, his hard back copy of 'The Lord of the Flies' opened and all but attached to his nose. It was ten minutes into lunch and all was ready, not that it took much planning. He would be lying if he didn't say that he was more inclined in the ways of relaxation, not lazy, just knowing when to lay back.

He only had to wait a further two minutes before three boys, the same age as him rounded the corner only to stop and stare at him for approximately four point three seconds, which was two seconds too long and god dammit! Tsuna was on a schedule, he couldn't afford to be off plan!

Knowing he would need to spur their miniscule minds into action he spoke, "Yo." These people weren't worth the effort it took to prompt his mind into sending signals to his vocal cords to move, they could deal with a single syllable greeting.

His words- or maybe it was just him in general?- startled the boys into action, the first stepping forward in what Tsuna assumed was supposed to be intimidating him, flanked by his friends. He didn't know what they were trying to accomplish, this was still beyond him. He had turned the situation over in his head for days, nothing coming to light and just blamed it on the fact that he was Sawada Tsuna, and that was that. Though, it was hard to be scared by these boys who wore the clothes their mothers picked out for them each morning, drank from sippy cups and couldn't speak Japanese properly yet. Still, it was bad manners to look bored while they put on their routine and resolved to keep his face carefully blank for them, no need to offend them, least they cry.

"It's stuwpid Tsuna." Boy number one called out, confusing Tsuna.

He was pretty sure his friends or lackeys knew who he was, they put a lot of effort into tracking him down each day. Actually, now that he thought about it, he was rather flattered by the amount of thought and passion they put into their little adventures involving him. Unfortunately, it drew too much attention, not that anyone had tried to step in or anything. Really, they tended to ignore his harassment, if not encourage it.

"Yeah, stewpid Tsuna!" Boy number two parroted.

Another thing that confused Tsuna, while he hadn't shown anyone his true intelligence, he had made sure to get grades just that fraction above average-he had to think about those future job opportunities- so why was he stupid again, when these boys couldn't even pronounce their insult properly? He also contributed this to him being Sawada Tsuna. The bright side of all this was that as soon as he had the money, Tsuna was changing his name, if only to test his theory, maybe change his hair colour too and pretend he was the secret love child of one of the teachers at school. See how that went down, or maybe not, sounded like a lot of effort. He'd just stick with the name change.

"Right then gentlemen, shall we proceed so that I might kick your rear ends?" He asked while placing his book in his backpack. Truth be told, Tsuna had no experience in 'trash talk' but from what he had observed it involved playing up ones non-existent fighting prowess, insulting the opponents mother and dog and ending with something catchey, like a cool phrase or a funny one liner. This is usually followed by the trash talker being beaten into the ground but he digressed.

"Was tha' mean?" Boy three asked boy one.

He aught to learn their names but considering they were about to be comatose for the next three months, he wasn't even going to bother. He should also, research trash talking more, his skills in the art were as dismal as his fighting capabilities and trash talking seemed a very good skill set to have.

"I think he's callin' us bad!" Boy two yelled with a stomp of his foot which drew enraged gasps from other boys.

"Yes, I am calling you...bad and so is your mother." Tsuna wasn't sure where this was going anymore but he was already a full minute behind on his plan and so he tacked on with uncertainty clear in his voice, "And your fathers are bad too, and your pets?"

It honestly sounded like a question but it was apparently the right thing to say when all three of them screamed and rushed forward angrily, bowling him over.

"My mommy is not BAD!" Was what was screamed before a small fist made impact with his face with a loud thunk. Used to the pain Tsuna simply ignored the throbbing in his cheek and surged to his feet, ignoring screams and shouts as his orange sneaker covered feet made contact with the linoleum floor of the hallway as he speed towards the library doors.

Light taps could be heard as he used all his energy into getting at least half a fields length between then, he made sure to stay away from the windows and out of sight from the sides but still leaving his back in full view of his chasers. Tsuna couldn't say he was athletically inclined but what he could say was he had an amazing running speed built up in a mere two months of running from bullies. It didn't stop him from being extremely wary of physical aspects of life but it did prove that should he ever feel the need to run away from crazy people attempting to end his life, he would get a good shot at it.

Looking back over his shoulder Tsuna noticed the boys still running- good- and they were essentially a full hallway away from him- good- so digging his heals into the floor which gained him no grip at all, he eventually halted to a stop, then purposely stepped near the windows, in the direct line of sight of the running boys, who also ran near the windows, only Tsuna wasn't running anymore but rather calmly walking.

The thing about the library was it was the windows looked out to the rooftops of the other school building, and birds liked making nests high up didn't they? That and Tsuna stalked this particular bird well enough to know it spent lunches looking out from that particular rooftop.

So when Tsuna heard the crash of glass and frightened gasps, he knew things had went well and that those boys wouldn't be harassing him any time soon.

Because Tsuna did not run in hallways, or brake rules, he kept walking.

(1)

"Excuse me," Tsuna tapped on the leg of books store owner, an older woman with greying hair, "You don't happen to have any books on trash talking would you?"

The woman gave him an inquisitive stare that he ignored in favour of looking around the place, feet still rooted to the spot, hands now gripping his backpack lightly. He really needed to get better at the provocative speech and insults that would spur his fellow school mates into their dimise. He also needed to work on that sympathy thing, but trash talk came first.

"No sweetie." The woman stared at him some more and he idly wondered if this was another, 'Sawada Tsuna' thing but before he could give her a fake name she silently walked off and came back moments later with a thick book. "This should help."

Shrugging Tsuna handed over the correct amount and wordlessly exited the bookstore.

"Harry Potter huh." Tsuna mumbled thoughtfully.

(1)

"Stupid mudblood!" Tsuna had to admit, those Malfoys were really good at looking down on people but the real bread winner was Bellatrix. The demented woman could make Buddha want to attempt murder, she was the queen of trash talk and under her tutelage, he had flourished.

"Aww does the poor itty boy, feel mad?" Granted he hadn't got the tone of voice right, but he was getting there. Not to mention, his dancing around them well waving his imaginary wand was interesting, if not annoying and unnecessarily exhausting.

Unfortunately the better he got, the harder the hits got even if it did lure them to the Skylark on the roof top.

(1)

"I need something more subtle when it comes to insults." Tsuna said while sipping from his bottle of apple juice. "Bella was great and all, but I'd rather not incite rage. I need something that insults while making it hard to gather, you know what I mean?"

Clearly the bookstore lady, did not. Still she pondered his request for a moment before walking off and returning with a set of DVD's. Without a word she placed them in front of him to show an odd foreign man with a red bandana placed over dread lock hair, coal lined eyes peering up at him with a cocky grin.

"This should help dear." The woman said with a smile.

Tsuna blinked. "Is this in English?"

"Yes dear."

He cocked his head to the side in bewilderment. "But I don't speak English."

She remained smiling and hastily Tsuna forked over some money and speed walked out of the shop. He would never question the book store lady, ever again.

(1)

"Cuttlefish. Let us not, dear friends, forget our dear friends, the cuttlefish." Tsuna had in fact learned English. It was quite easy to do when he had pulled up Japanese subtitles and connected words from both sides to each other. It was only a matter of looking up the sequence in which the English language formed their sentences which was the direct opposite of how the Japanese formed theirs and soon English was mastered. Well, if they spoke slow enough.

"Flipping glorious little sausages. Pen them up together, they'll devour each other without a second thought. Human nature, isn't it? Or well, fish nature." Tsuna didn't understand what he was saying, or if it was even meant to be insulting or educational. Actually, he was pretty sure Captain Jack Sparrow didn't know what he was doing when he said it Barbosa either.

This was proved when boy number twelve frowned confused. "What does that mean?"

Tsuna sighed, "It means your mothers are bad. Now shut up and brake the school rules so I can be rid of you."

(1)

Walking through the hallways Tsuna was happy to note that no one so much as looked at him, he was on plan once more, a ghost. So happy was he that he almost didn't notice the glint of metal that soared through the air and in his direction and with only a split second he dodge it by a mere breath. Taking another quick step with a squeak as another object flew at him with alarming speed and strength as it lodged itself into the wall.

Turning in the direction it came from, caramel eyes darted around on full alert, catching sight of the small but powerful figure of Hibari Kyoya who just happened to be glaring holes into his skull. The heat of his gaze leaving Tsuna to wonder if it was normal to feel the sheer hate rolling off of someone.

"Herbivore," Hibari spat out through grinding teeth, "I do not like being used."

And really, Tsuna should have known the older boy would catch on. Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence an three times is enemy action. He should have known better than to fall into a pattern.