I have no excuse for being late. Only, life has been busy and well, I lost interest in Naruto the manga while waiting for Sasuke to die. Apologies in advance to Sasuke fans.

It was said that when a person died in their dreams, they died in reality as well.

That was the first thing Umino Iruka learned about genjutsu back in the days as an academy student. Back when his parents were alive. Back when his mother was a special jounin famed for her ability to weave illusions so realistic that she could make people feel like they were drowning in dark waters even as they stood on parched land.

Iruka had listened in earnest, eager to show his parents what he had learned that day. Father had laughed and ruffled his hair in pride. Mother smiled in that gentle smile of hers and touched his nose where the scar had cut across.

A ninja's illusion was nothing to be scoffed at. It was a weapon, nothing like the silly sparkles and dancing fires favoured by the magical community. Iruka had been tiny enough to fit comfortably on his mother's knee when Miwako had whispered the secrets of genjutsu into his ear. Be subtle and deadly, and your enemy will fall before you like sheared cornstalks. Iruka had no natural gifts of genjutsu himself, what little he had gained were hard fought and earned through the hard way.

He became the next best thing with his gifts.

He became a spy for Konoha.

Nevertheless, he still retained the theory of genjutsu. As a school teacher, theory was something he became very good at. He even remembered the blurb on Chapter 3 of genjutsu study: The most effective ways of applying an illusion was to pile them up on top of one another. Layers upon layers upon layers of illusions with many, many tiny variations according to imagination and skill, Uchiha Itachi was a great genjutsu artist because of the number of layered illusions he applied upon the victim.

Chapter 4, disruption of Genjutsu: As a general rule, the victim need only to disrupt his chakra to 'shake off' an illusion, thus making it seemed as though the art of genjutsu was nothing but a paper tiger at large. However, if the genjutsu user had already anticipated this move and created the illusion of making the victim thought he had disrupted his chakra, well, that was a different kettle of fish altogether. A genjutsu within the hundreds of genjutsu could make the world so topsy turvy that the victim might not know what was wrong or right, up or down or even friend or foe. He could make it seemed as though you had shaken off a dangerously realistic genjutsu and caught sight of its user hiding in the branches of a tree behind more genjutsu. He could make you feel the false triumph of having caught sight of the 'enemy' making you attack, only to see the false world melt away and the blood of your comrade on your hands.

Not all genjutsu were as intricate of course. Most of what Iruka could influence were sight and sound. Light and vibrations and, thanks to his parents' gifts, a small ability to manipulate chakra energy. However, without the ability to think non-linearly, Iruka's genjutsu skills were limited. There was a reason why there were so few genjutsu masters, not as rare as Seal masters, but rare enough.

A true master would take everything into consideration, smell, touch and feel, sound, wind and vibration of movement. …

… often times it was the smallest details that alerted the victim that they were within an illusion.

Iruka made chuunin due to his ability with seals, traps and genjutsu. What prevented him from gaining full jounin status was his inability to recognise genjutsu upon himself. A potentially fatal problem not only for his own safety, but for his partners and the village as a whole, thus Iruka was unable to make jounin even with his double elemental mastery. A unique problem that could have gained him tokubetsu status had he persisted in his ambition. As Anko liked to observe, Iruka has serious balls when it came to completing a mission. He could pull plans out of his ass when the need arises, and maximised his resources in a way that would make a Nara proud.

Nevertheless, Iruka was, is, a resourceful man and right now he was listening to Healer Pontius' rather complex and convoluted postulations on what might have happened to Naruto's mind and soul. As far as Iruka could understand, Pontius' theory was that the beings, the dementors, did not actually suck out a person's soul. What really nourishes them were the feelings and personalities embedded within the soul compartment of an intelligent being. Which was why there had never been any documentation of dementors sucking out the soul of animals like cows and ducks, or even semi-intelligent creatures such as owls and dogs.

Werewolves, vampires, wizards and witches and yes, even muggles were fair game because they were all self aware. There was the sense of 'I', of being a person that separated 'us' from base animals. The reason why dementors targeted humans was very practical. Human emotions were more varied and interesting, rich with feelings and choked full of multiple thoughts. In fact, humans were targeted more by dementors compared to other beings because of their complex emotions, their ability to generate high amount of rich and varied responses compared to, say, a troll.

A troll may feel pain, hunger and anger. Faced with a dilemma, a troll's first response was likely to be a) whut? followed by b) I smash! responses to be repeated as necessary until either following two feelings intervene, 'I hungry' and looked for food, or 'Pain!' 'I angry', 'I Smash More!'

Healer Pontius based his research on the fact that dementors were attracted to large crowds of cheering people. Technically, there was no real 'release' of souls within a crowd. So there was no reason why a dementor would find a crowd of screaming people any more attractive than the average person would find a field full of noisy chickens appetizing.

Pontius theory that the soul was like an empty vessel or a blank sheet of parchment, ready to be filled with thoughts, feelings and other traits that made up a person. A dementor feed on these traits as nourishment. A kissed victim could be described as a torn sheet of parchment where the details of their thoughts and feelings were wrung out and sucked away. It would also explain why Kissed victims could not give responses outside of those involuntary responses like swallowing, sweating and defecating.

The key, according to Pontius, was to determine a way to 'fix' the blank parchment. After which the desired key character traits could then be implanted and be allowed to grow. In theory, a capable legilimens could enter the mind of a Kissed victim to implant false memories and ideas into the soul. Once planted, the thoughts and memories would feed off each other and began to grow and thereby giving a soul 'character'. Theoretically, the blank soul of a mass murderer could be implanted with characteristics such as hard work, loyalty to the right persons and kindness. The victim would eventually awaken to a whole new personality, a personality that allows them to contribute positively to society instead of harming it.

In theory.

Healer Pontius had yet to test out this theory due to many reasons. Financial logistics, ethical and moral obstacles and accessibility were but the beginnings of such problems. Then there was also the question of how.

How does one harvest the desired traits?

How to infuse the desired traits into the target?

How does one decide what traits to infuse?

How will one trait influence the other?

How to make sure the subject emerge from their slumber with the desired traits?

Fortunately, with Naruto, Healer Pontius did not have to ponder about what kind of traits to infuse. All he had to do was to figure out how to safely extract the soul fragments from Draco Malfoy and infused said fragments into the young prince's body under the watchful eyes of his servant and Lucius Malfoy.

Peace a cake.

…

He's so dead.

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Two weeks after the incident, Naruto slumbered on. Oblivious to Iruka's growing silence and the escalating wizarding conflict that was happening around them. The dark lord had somehow obtained a body using a skewed version of the blood, bone and flesh ritual. Apparently Pettigrew's melted body and the chopped up pieces of a nearby muggle was enough to grant the dark lord some sort of a body. Pale and bald with skeletal limbs, reported Lucius who was still furious over the minister's cock up and angry at the dark lord for being so casual as to dismiss Draco's plight as something minor. The Malfoys were survivors, he had hissed at Severus, not to be used as cannon fodder for the likes of his unnecessarily glorified plans.

Iruka sat in Severus' office, a cup tea cooling before him as he stared at nothing. When Severus walked in, he brought the smell of sharpness and crushed herbs with him. The man stood just behind Iruka, silent and would admit if only to himself, a little uncertain.

Iruka was playing with a soft tipped brush in his hands. Severus nerved himself into-

"Ask your question," the young man said suddenly.

Severus started. He shifted his stance from alert to wary, "What are you talking about?" he hedged.

"Ask your question, Professor Snape," he said evenly, the brush flitting about his fingers.

Severus had heard claims that Iruka could actually kill a full grown man with a toothpick. Not that Severus was one to listen to rumours, but, well, it was Iruka. What the man could or could not do were still mysteries to him.

As for what he could do with a brush was, he grimaced, imagination running wild. At the very least, the man could probably stab it into his victim's eye and taking out the brain behind the soft tissues. It was not like him to be so easily unnerved. The young man was a head shorter and a whole decade younger for goodness sake!

And a good deal more dangerous. His mind whispered.

And was that not ironic? Severus smiled grimly to himself. As a potion master, he was well verse with poisons and other deadly elixirs that could… do things. Just because he was a teacher at a school full of dunderheads did not mean that he had let his skills rust or fall to pieces. By certain standards, Severus could be equally dangerous.

However, Iruka was the type to use his powers openly, not bury his intentions under subterfuge as the headmaster was wont to do. Severus felt, perversely, that he could trust the man because of this odd quirk of habit. He decided to take the risk of this unexpected olive branch and asked one crucial question.

"What is inside the boy?"

Silence.

Severus tried not to fidget, too much.

Then, Iruka stirred in his chair. The brush stopped moving. He looked steadily into Severus' eyes. "You do know how to pick your questions, don't you?" Iruka sounded not quite amused, but something close to it.

Severus waited. He had asked the question, now all he had to do was to wait for the answer.

He watched as Iruka contemplated the patterns of his cup, it was a plain thing with a slash of green made by a thin bamboo branch. Draco had given it to him as part of his brown nosing campaign to buy into the Oriental Magic teacher's favour.

"A demon." Iruka said quietly.

Severus contemplated the answer. He decided not to waste his questions on inane repetition of the same, asked instead, "What kind of demon?"

The deceptively warm brown eyes studied him steadily. Severus crossed the room and seated himself in the other armchair. A waved of his wand made a cup of tea, in a proper teacup and saucer appeared. He raised his brow at Iruka's cup. When Iruka nodded, he flicked his wand and steam appeared over the bamboo pattern. It was interesting to note that the man did not even flinch from the rapid temperature change.

Iruka did not bother to drink the tea, he merely watched the rising steam with soft looking eyes. Severus waited. He did not trust those eyes. Fortunately, he also did not have to wait too long.

Iruka did not looked at him as he said, "It is a creature of fire, a great force of nature,"

Severus considered. He could ask about how the demon ended up inside the boy or he could ask about the demon's capabilities for mind magic, although Iruka might not actually know that part, given that his skills seemed to encompass the physical actions. He decided to risk the question anyway.

"Does the demon know mind magic?"

Iruka kept his eyes away. "I… do not know,"

Fair enough. Severus pondered, even if the demon did not know mind magic and given the size of the child, there was every possibility that what was sealed inside the boy may have been made incorporeal and kept behind a ward of some kind. Take into consideration that the boy had suddenly turned feral and had attacked his precious sensei, it was almost a certainty that it was the demon itself that had taken over the child's body after the dementer had sucked out its main host.

However, not all was lost. That the demon had attacked them was unfortunate, but, after spending some more thought on the matter, Severus had taken note on how the creature had roared and laughed and slashed at the people around it, but had not left the host for some reason.

Two possibilities, either the creature could not exist without an actual physical body to keep it in the physical plane. Or, it has been tethered to the boy's body through a ward of some sort. Regardless, both possibilities presented the same problem. Once the healer had extracted Naruto's soul, which should not pose too many problems as there had been many documented instances of successful exorcism spells which uses similar techniques. Naruto's soul should be extracted and sealed in a bottle by the end of tomorrow.

What happened next would determine whether they have the hyperactive, crazy-genius nitwit with them at the end of the day, or a repeat of the incident of That Day.

He casted his thoughts back to That Day. There was fire, he remembered, so hot that he felt it almost across the room from the creature. The boy's features had changed as well, turning animalistic, hands curved into claws, whisker marks thickening. There was, he recalled, a shade of a tail made of heated magic. An animal shaped demon of fire then, he decided. It did not matter what form the demon took. What matter was the substance, he would have to look up spells against fire magic and protection spells for the soul. There was no way he would trust Pontius' suggestion of placing the soul bottle on the child's chest and allow the soul to just 'seep' into the body in order to find its anchor.

For one thing, there was the demon to consider.

Blast it, he would have to guide the child's soul, evade the demon and probably assist it into finding an anchor in its own body.

Muttering to himself, calling himself all kinds of fool, Severus nevertheless proposed the plan to Iruka. Hopefully, despite how patchy the plan was, it would succeed.

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A sudden high pitch scream pierced through Naruto's head, jolting him out of his sleep. He stifled his first instinct to jump up and run towards the source of the sound. When two heartbeats went by without another scream, he cautiously opened an eye and made a quick sweep of his surroundings. Not that there were much to see. The walls and floors were made of stones. Through dirty bars, he noted flickering fire lights. He could not actually see the ceiling.

The idea of being imprisoned in a dungeon deep underground did not scare Naruto as much as it should. Not when he had escaped from one that time with Princess Yuki. He had been in chains then, Naruto nodded to himself, eyeing the forbidding manacles pinning an old skeleton to the wall. It looked really brittle. Naruto shivered and moved to poke at the bars, the Snow Country dungeons had chakra enforced bars. Not that it actually kept him inside long. He was Uzumaki Naruto! Nothing could keep him down long.

Nothing zapped his fingers even after the third poke.

In the dank darkness, Naruto grinned.

Another scream ripped the air. The blonde cracked his knuckles decisively. Time to get to work, that scream sounded vaguely familiar and never let it be said that Uzumaki Naruto would ever passed up a chance to be a hero.

The meagre bars bent obligingly under his power.

He made his way quickly to the ceiling in case his escape alerted any guards. When nothing could be heard after the fifth breath, Naruto walked upside down on the ceiling, following a flickering light he could just make out in the darkness. It led him into a small square room with a lighted sconce on the wall. A heavy door, unbolted, led to a different, longer corridor just beyond. The place seemed pitched dark at first, but a few blinks helped his eyes to adjust. The unrelieved stone pattern could be seen on the walls, floors and ceilings. Really, if there were water on the floor and dripping pipes, he would have thought he'd ended up in his head in the Kyuubi corridor again.

Speaking of the Kyuubi, there was something that nibbled at the back of his mind. Something that involved a mission Iruka-sensei gave him. However, every time he tried to reach for the memory it skittered away like little cockroaches. How annoying.

Never mind, he dismissed the matter as something to be thought about later and concentrate on exploring the dark corridors. They had to lead somewhere. All he had to do was give the scenery enough time to change.

As soon as the thought formed, he found himself in a bright room full of windows.

Aauugh! His eyes! The light stabbed into his used to darkness eyes and gave him a brief, powerful headache. He had to blink a few times before the room came into focus.

There was no one in the sunny room with him, not even a talking portrait, which was odd because this was clearly a magical place, just like Hoggy-Warts. Somehow he had gotten used to the idea living in an animated place where teacups could bite you and the teapot might not serve you if you tried to touch it with dirty fingers.

At any rate, there were many windows facing outside, so that couldn't be too bad right? If anything goes wrong he could just jump out and-

A terrified girlish scream stopped his train of thought.

His first instinct was to jump out of the window to check out who was being tortured or worse. Unfortunately, there was something wrong with the windows because even when he tried to jump out of one, he only ended up leaping back into the room through another window. It was very strange and a bit disconcerting.

Maybe the big windows did not actually lead to the outside?

Suddenly, the large, brightly lit room did not seem so nice and inviting anymore.

Another scream prompted him to his feet. This time, his caught the sight of a small door situated between two large windows.

Had that door been there all the time?

Naruto pondered on the question for exactly three and a half second. He was through the door when the fifth second passed.

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Draco found himself awakened suddenly.

There were not many occasions where the Malfoy heir woke up voluntarily and a good number of them had correlations to specific gift giving occasions. Well, there was that one time when Naruto tried to put worms into his hair but was foiled when Draco suddenly opened his eyes from an apparent deep sleep. The scream that echoed through the dungeons made Draco the butt of many jokes for days afterwards. That was, until the day Weasley broke his record for girly screams right in the middle of the quidditch pitch. In daylight. Attempting to run away from what appeared to be tiny black balls of walking… soot things… with eyes. Personally, Draco thought they were kind of cute.

Since neither Christmas nor his birthday was in the near horizons, Draco was able to whittle down his sudden wakefulness to two reasons, danger or a Naruto Prank. The sneer appeared almost reflexively as it was wont to whenever Draco felt nervous. Magic gathered at his fingertips in response to the adrenaline rush. Iruka-sensei had praised him most when it came to being sneaky, sometimes even in favour against his beloved protégé Naruto.

Time to prove that the OM teacher did not give empty praises.

A quick pat on his robes produced no wand, but that did not worry him anymore than not having a comb in hand. One of the more crucial things Iruka-sensei did was cutting off their reliance on wands. Draco could not do too many wandless magic, unlike that Boy Who Live to Prove How Big an Ass One Could Be. Potter could even cast the patronus without a wand, something that impressed everyone but the OM teacher. When Iruka had gently questioned Potter on the usefulness of his ghostly reindeer, Draco had been appalled, along with Mudblood Granger at how spotty Potter's explanation was. For a moment, they shared a looked of mutual understanding of the plain horrible embarrassment of being upstaged again and again by an ignoramus dork like Potter. For all his powers, Potter remained incredibly… brutish? uncouth? coarse? in his treatment of deeper magical understanding.

From then on, whenever there was a team event, both he and Granger would gang up together just to spite Potter, and indirectly, Weasley. Truthfully, Draco had no idea what an intelligent mudblood like Granger saw in the Weasley and told her so as often as he could get away with it. Not that he was harbouring any romantic interest in the Mudblood, please (insert eye roll here). Talking to her had the infinitely satisfying result of Potter and Weasley glaring and popping a minor blood vessel or three, which was reward enough on its own.

Plus, Granger was intelligent, and damnably sneaky once she decided to shelf her moral compass. He had been double crossed by her twice before in Capture the Flag games, an act that had earned her grudging respect from most of the Slytherins in general, including Professor Snape. Of course, it was nothing to the times he had used her as a pawn to further his own Cunning Plans but, Granger was Jolly Good Sort for a Gryffindork. It was the only reason why he found himself missing her bushy haired presence in view of the blank stone room he was currently housed in.

He wished he was anywhere but here.

The second the thought formed, Draco's body dissipated.

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Naruto's head cracked into a stone wall. His poor body immediately bounced backward to sprawl on the floor. He immediately sat up, the instinct to check his perimeter with his senses for enemies well honed for dangers. He peeled one eye open and immediately shut it against a blindingly strong light. It was even stronger here compared to the last room.

His head throbbed. Oww…

He opened his eye more carefully, with one hand shielding it protectively. He did not know if he could grow eyeballs if they burnt out and he really did not want to find out today. The light was strong enough to melt brains. Perhaps he was caught in a genjutsu set up by the evil Granger-Malfoy duo. A lot of Dureko's plans were influenced by Hermainoni's evil. The evil light idea was probably hers.

When Naruto was finally able to focus without the light turning his brain to the consistency of overcooked noodles, he found that he was alone in the room. It was another bright room, with polish wooden floors and decorated in white and gold. The floor was cold. He should know, his bare feet were on it. The ceiling was white and gold too. He had no idea how he had gotten here. Wait, there was a door, wasn't it? A door between two windows that had not been there before.

He turned his head to study the walls. The source of the light was obvious from the high arched windows. When nothing appeared to attack him or eat his head, Naruto walked about the room slowly. This was probably a dream, he thought to himself, Naruto dreamt often and, unlike most people, could recall most of his dreams quite clearly. There was that dream about a bowl of udon that tried to eat him, and that weird dream where Dureko was diving into a bowl of talking ramen…

Blinking, Naruto shook his head. Now was not the time to think about these silly dreams. It was the time for Action! He ventured further into the room.

It was the sound of food being munched that teased him at first. Being an orphan had taught Naruto many things, amongst them an awareness for food around him. The distinctive kerr-rumph of good expensive bread that Draco liked so much tickled his senses. When the warm, heavy aroma of sweet strawberries and honey reached him, it clung to his throat as though he had just swallowed spoonfuls of it.

Naruto breathed in deeply and-

"Took you long enough to show up," the rich, privileged voice of Draco Malfoy drawled.

Naruto blinked, "Eh?" How? When?

The youngest Malfoy was suddenly in front of him, calmly stuffing sweet pastries into his mouth and chewing with deliberate slowness. There was a table next to him, fruit pastries of all kinds piled high on the rounded top. There was a tiered table that held more sweets and an expensive looking teapot with a stylized M painted on it. Naruto's stomach rumbled, and for a moment, everything else ceased to exist.

Naruto gave a loud battle cry, "EAT!"

With perfect calm, Draco grabbed one of the pastries off the table and threw it. Undeterred, Naruto switched direction mid run and leapt after the treat, catching it with his mouth. Draco took a calm sip of his tea. With his mouth stuffed like a chipmunk's, Naruto sat on the chair that had materialized on the other side of the table.

A dozen more pastries and a cup of sweet tea later, "Soooo, where we now?" Naruto licked his fingertips, it was not ramen but food was food.

Draco looked up with a pause, "You don't know?"

"Uh, no?" What a silly question, Naruto reached for another pastry, this time it was filled with blueberries.

"You don't seem particularly worried about that fact," another plate appeared, it was laden with candied fruits.

"Worrying no help in the solving," Naruto said wisely as he eyed the plate of sweets, "How you do that?"

Draco felt his lips curl just a little, "That you are more interested in food at times like this is almost reassuring,"

"Uhn?" a bit of candy stuck out from the corner of his lips.

"… it must be nice to have a mind like yours," said Draco, "this place is my mind you know," he made a small sweep with his hands to encompass the surroundings, "this is the sun room at the Malfoy manor,"

Naruto looked around the white room, "Why is white?"

"Who know? Great-grandfather Malfoy fancied himself an interior designer of sort, always making changes to the rooms,"

"How you know we in your head?" demanded Naruto.

"Well, I can do this," the plates of food disappeared. 'Hey!' An extra large glass of ice-cream desert sprouted from the middle of the table like a mushroom.

Naruto eyed the treat, then something unholy ignited in the blue eyes.

"Ramen!" the glass of ice-cream did not so much as wobble. "Ramen! Ramen! Ramen!" shiny drops of condensation slide down the frosted glass, but no bowls of noodles appear. He grabbed Draco by the lapel, crumpling the fine material, "Dureko, ramen!"

"No, wai-"

Draco's body warped and changed… into a steaming bowl of ramen.

"Uh," contrary to popular belief, Naruto's brain was not constructed of noodles. Not entirely at any rate. His mind was not completely ruled by thoughts of noodles either, not really. Maybe. Well, he was able to muster some measure of anxiousness when his friend turned into a bowl of noodle and did not, as one might expect, immediately tried to eat it.

Instead, Naruto carefully set the extremely fragrant bowl of boiled noodles down on the table and whispered, "Uh, Dureko?" he poked at one of the toppings, "Dureko? You in?" he looked round the room. It was bright and incredibly fancy looking, with gold worked into the corners of the ceiling. The beautifully lit room did not seemed quite so friendly and cheerful now. Naruto gently shook the bowl of noodles. Hot broth splashed in the bowl, a couple of drops fell on his fingers.

"Draco come back!" he yelled in Japanese.

"Stop that will you," a voice said behind him.

Naruto screeched like a girl and leapt over the table and the bowl of noodles. It was Draco, who looked pretty angry. Naruto did not care, Draco was alive.

"Dureko!" he grinned, "you play trick good!"

A fine eyebrow twitched, "That was no trick, I assure you. And please refrain yourself from forcing your will in this realm."

"Neh?"

"Stop changing things," he said slowly, "this is my mindscape, only I am suppose to change things,"

"I no understanding," Naruto pouted.

Draco rolled his eyes skyward. Naruto followed his gaze, wondering what's so interesting about the ceiling.

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Finally, after some serious lecture on Draco's part, and some grave head nodding from Naruto, the situation was explained. In part. Sort of. Well, as far as Draco himself could understand the situation.

Small words, Dandelion Head. The Mudblood's snooty voice admonished from somewhere over his left shoulder where she liked to hover. Draco snorted. Great, now his subconscious mind sounded like Granger.

The logical and analytical part of ya actually.

"Hermainonani!" Naruto gasped.

Draco looked up, a little startled and, not that he would ever admit it, a little relieved. Just for a moment. However, there was no bushy haired annoyance around anywhere. He glared at Naruto, had the boy just read his mind?

"No e' didn't, ya dimwit," the half exasperated, half amused voice of Granger sounded closed to his left ear.

Draco whipped his head round and came face to face with-

"Granger?"

It was Granger. At least… it looked like Granger, with white robes, and wings and about three inches tall.

"Greetings," said the creature whose face bore a great resemblance to Granger's buck tooth visage, "I'm yer conscience,"

"…"

"…"

"… lies," Draco said finally.

Winged Granger looked amused, she agreed, "Sharp one ain't ya?"

"And you're not the real Granger," said Draco, "the Mudblood wouldn't be caught dead speaking in such vulgar contractions,"

'Granger' grinned, "The name's Poff,"

"Pouf?"

"Poff! Ye bad li'el peh'ato 'ead!" Poff snapped.

Draco's lips twitched. Somehow he could not bring himself to take this creature seriously. Not when it looked so much like Granger but spoke like an uneducated cur. Now there's an oxymoron, an uneducated Granger.

"Mainonani?" Naruto said questioningly.

"That's not Granger," Draco explained, "not sure what it is though,"

"I'm yer guide, whippersnapper!" Poff growled. It sounded more like a prolonged squeak.

"Why look like Mainonani?"

"Good question," Draco nodded, "So why do you look like that beastly Mudblood, Pouf?"

"Poff! Damn yer eyes," Poff squeaked imperiously. It would probably had been imperious if she had been more than three inches tall, "I manifest me'self da shade of ya most beloved friend,"

"…"

"…"

"… lies," Draco said.

"Or something closest to the image of a beloved friend if ya have none," this time, it was Poff who looked superior.

Draco narrowed his eyes. His lips curled reflexively. It was going to be one of those days, he just knew it.

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Author's Notes:

…. I have no excuse. I don't know what happened! Why Naruto and Draco, WHY? What's this Poff person anyway. I can't…

Dear faithful readers, have a look at some of the rejected scenes. I can't even…

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Rejected scene.

Draco screamed as he ran away from a bowl of hot soup. The fat noodles reaching for him like tentacles from one of Zabini's trashy bad comics. He foot slipped on the oily broth, sending him head first into a second bowl of noodles.

Curses! This must be a revenge genjutsu spell from Naruto!

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Rejected scene.

He should have known.

Really he should have.

The scream was the first clue.

Naruto watched as Draco Malfoy filled the air with increasingly hysterical screams as the boy ran away from a legion of small furry squirrels.

What is wrong with my head?