.. ... ... ..,~”:”~, ... ... ... ..,“:/:/:\:-:”-, ... ... ...,“,“:/:/:/:\:\:\:\,”-, ... ... .,-“:/:\\:\:\:\ ... ... /:\:\:\:/:\ ... .../:\:\:'\”-:\:\,//:/:' ... ../:'\:\:”,”:\,”:/: ,“//:/:/,-' ... ./:”:\”~,\:”~-\”: :”:/: :/,“: :/,“/,“:/ ... /:/_”,\: : ,-~”,”': : :\:/: :/,“,-~,”,”:/,“,//' ... :/:o:o: ,“/. ,“:\.: : : : “: '”:/./,“ ...:/:/:/:.\: : \.';...: : : : : : : :.;;;././: ...:/:'-':'-,': : '\'\'~'_/,/: : : : : : : :'-'--'~': : ...:/:': : : “' : : : : : : : : : :\: : : : : : /:'\: ...:/:'\: : : : : : : : : : : : : : :': : : : : :/: ... \: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : ,-“: ... .'\:\'~: : : : : : : :'--~': : : : ,~”\:/ ... ...'\:/.: : “~: : : : : : : : ,-~,”:'\:/ ... ... .\\:”~,/: : : : ”~,~”,'\:\-:/ ... ... ..',\:~--'-~\: : : : : : ,-~”.._\:\... .' ... ..,~”': : \: : : : : \: : : : : : ”'~~”~,”: : \:... / ..,“: : : : : : : : : : :\: : : : : : \: : : : : : “~':\:\, ..: : : : : : : : : : : : : ,\: : : : : : : : : : : : : :”,\: \ .. : : : : : : : : : : : : : :'-,\: : : : : : : : : : : : : : :”-'\: : ...\ : : : : : : : : : :'\: : :\: : '\'\: : : : :~: : : : : : : : : “~-'_ ... \: : : : : : : : : : :\: /:/: : : :',': : : : : “: : : : : : : : : : ,/”', ... .\: : : : : : : : : : :\: /: : : ,“...”: : : : : '\: : : : : : : : : ,/...”-, ... ...\: : : : : : : : : : \: : : :/...\: : : : : : : : : : : : ,-“...'\ ... ... .\ : : : : : : : : : '\': : /...\: : : : : : : : : ,-“... ... ... ...\ : : : : : : : : : '\:/...\: : ,/: : : : : /.../ ... ... .SL\ : : : : : : : : : \...\,-“: : : : ,/.../ ... ... ... ...\ : : : : : : : : : \,...,”======'_...,-“ ... ... ... ... \: : : : : : : : : \: ”'~--~”: : : : : : : : : :”~~,' ... ... ... ... ..'\: : : : : : : : : \: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : ': : \ ... ... ... ... ... .\, : : : : : : : : '\: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : '\ ... ... ... ... ... ...\: : : : : : : : :\ : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :\ ... ... ... ... ... ... ..\ : : : : : : : : \: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :\ ... ... ... ... ... ... ...\\: : : : : : : :\, : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :/: : : : :\ ... ... ... ... ... ... ... .\\ : : : : : : : :'\ : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : ' ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ./:\: : : : : : : : :'\, : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : ... ... ... ... ... ... ... /: : \: : : : : : : : : '\: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : ... ... ... ... ... ... .../: : : '\: : : : : : : : : :'\: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : ... ... ... ... ... ... ../: : : : :\: : : : : : : : : : :\, : : : : : : : : : : : : : : ... ... ... ... ... ... ,/: : : : : : :\: : : : : : : : : : '\: : : : : : : : : : : : : ... ... ... ... ... ..,“: : : : : : : :“: : : : : : : : : : \: : : : : : : : : : : : ... ... ... ... ... ,/ : : : : : : : : : :”-, : : : : : : : : : :\: : : : : /: : : : : : / ... ... ... ... ..,/ : : : : : : : : : : : : :”-, : : : : : : : : :'\: : : : : : : : : ,/ ... ... ... ... ,/ : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : “-: : : : : : : : :'\: : : : : : : : / ... ... ... .../: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : “-: : : : : : : : '\: : : : : : / ... ... ... ../: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :“-: : : : : : : \: : : : :/ ... ... ... ,/: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :“-: : : : : : :\: : : : /' ... ... .../,”,~: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : “-: : : : : :'\: : :': ... ... ...',/,/:\,\: : : “'~,~~--: : : : : : : : : :'\: : : : : :\: : ... ... ..: :”: : :”: : : : : : :”-,... ”''~~~--~\: : : : : : \: '\ ... ... ..: : : : : : : : : : : : : :”-,...: : : : : : : \: ,” ... ... .. : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :”-,...\: : : : : : : :\,. ... ... .. : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :”,\...,“\: : : : : : : : '\” ... ... .. : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :”-\...,/: : :\: : : : : : : : :\, ... ... .. : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : \,...,/: : : : '\: : : : : : : : : ... ... .. : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : \...,/: : : : ,-~/: : : : : :/: : ... ... ..': : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : \~”: : : : : : : : /: :/: ,/: :/ ... ... ...: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :”-,/,/-~”:” ... ... ...: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : ... ... ... : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : ... ... ... : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :/ ... ... ... .\: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : / ... ... ... ..\ : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : / ... ... ... ...\: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : / ... ... ... ... '\: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :/

Fave Quotes of the Year!

Me:"ever notice money is green and silver, the same colors as Slytherin house in Harry Potter?"

Alex(yes I do mean you Alexandra!):"Interesting observation...So money is evil!"

Me:"Weird is normal, Normal is strange, and Crazy is what you call someone when you don't know what they are."

Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!

You're just jealous because we act retarded in public and people still love us!

Be a loser! Because being cool is soo overrated!

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

You know you're in love when the hardest thing to do is say goodbye.

Girls can do anything guys can do, and we do it in heels.

100 Rules of Anime

The laws of Anime is a growing list of physical, universal, and natural
phenomenon that seem to appear in various forms in all sorts of anime. The original intent was an effort to classify these incidents into a list of "laws" that explained how Anime physics are different from our own (real?) world. It is our hope that you find them useful to studying Anime, or at the very least, worth a good chuckle.

#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity- The normal laws of physics do not apply.

#2 - Law of Differential Gravitation- Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4. Some things have been known to "Float" for a few seconds before plummeting to hit the ground, vehicle, or someone’s cranium.

#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics- In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

#4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion- In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.

#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion- The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves, Armoured Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.

#6 - Law of Temporal Variability- Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something "cool" or "impressive". Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality- "Good Guys" and "Bad Guys" both die in one of two ways - either so quick they don’t even see it coming, OR it’s a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down. NOTE: Sometimes, Anime heroes or villains never really die! In these rare cases they were a clone or cyborg and the real hero/villain’s suspiciously missing in "Malletspace", or something.

#8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality- It takes some time for bad guys to die...regardless of physical damage. Even when the "Bad Guys" are killed so quickly they don’t even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis- Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).

#10- Law of Dramatic Multiplicity- Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a "Good Guy" kicks the "Bad Guy" in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.

#11- Law of Inherent Combustibility- Everything explodes. Everything.
First Corollary- Anything that explodes bulges first.

Second Corollary- Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".

#12- Law of Phlogistatic Emission- Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

#13- Law of Energetic Emission- There is always an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy "bulge") before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustibility.

#14- Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude- The destructive potential of any
object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass.

First Corollary- Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also
known as the A-Ko phenomenon.

#15- Law of Inexhaustibility- No one EVER runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

#16- Laws of Inverse Accuracy- The accuracy of a "Good Guy" when operating any form of firearm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the "Bad Guys" when operating firearms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases.

(Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect) Example: A "Good Guy" in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of "Bad Guys" firing on a "Good Guy" standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.

First Corollary- The more "Bad Guys" there are, the less likely they will
hit anyone or do any real damage.

Second Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is faced with insurmountable odds, the "Bad Guys" line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.

Third Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated "Good Guy Area", usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the "Good Guy" from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvers.

Fourth Corollary- The more times the "Bad Guy" fires, the fewer times he will hit.

#17- Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability- Minimei is a bimbo.

(Note: The Minority Opposition in Ohio disagrees and thinks all men who like this stuff needs to get out more.)

#18- Law of Hemoglobin Capacity- the human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.

#19- Law of Demonic Consistency- Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not unknown, and can only be hurt by bladed weapons. Also, acid has been known to work just as well...

#20- Law of Militaristic Unreliability- Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.

First Corollary- Whenever a single war machine (mecha, starship, etc.) goes up against an entire army, the army always loses.

#21- Law of Tactical Unreliability- Tactical geniuses aren’t...

#22 -Law of Inconsequential Undetectability- People never notice the little things... like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

#23- Law of Juvenile Intellectuality- Children are smarter than adults. And almost twice as annoying.

#24- Law of Americanthromorphism- Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny "Bad Guy" or a big stupid "Good Guy".

First Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb
Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect)

Second Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors.

Third Corollary- Canadians are usually portrayed as smart, strong, handsome "Good Guys".

#25- Law of Mandibular Proportionality- The size of a person’s mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

#26- Law of Feline Mutation- Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:

1) be female.

2) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation.

3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any.

#27- Law of Conservation of Firepower- Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used as a last resort.

#28- Law of Technological User-Benevolence- The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

#29- Law of Melee Luminescence- Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for "Good Guys" and red for "Bad Guys". This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

#30- Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism- All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

#31- Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability- Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.

#32- Law of Follicular Permanence- Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone’s hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!

#34- Law of Probable Attire- Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines:

Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off aforementioned female’s clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene). Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably wear long cloaks that don’t hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them.

First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability)- All anime characters are resistant to
extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.

Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability)- Bikinis render the wearer
invulnerable to any form of damage.

Third Corollary (Probable Attire permanence)- The clothing on the hero is indestructible. Their capes, robes, (and if they are girls,) skirts, dresses, bows, or any loose clothing will just flap when they are in the middle of a fire or ice attack... Unless it's a hentai. It is believed that the clothes are made out of Anime Character hair. (re. Laws 32 & 48)

#35- Law of Musical Omnipotence- Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) Is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on... especially if they’ve never attempted these things before.

#36- Law of Quintupular Agglutination- Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:

1) The Hero/Leader

2) His Girlfriend

3) His Best Friend/Rival

4) A Hulking Brute

5) A Dwarf/Kid

Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:

1) Extreme Coolness

2) Amazing Intelligence

3) Incredible Irritation

#37- Law of Extradimensional Capacitance- All anime females have an
extrasdimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment’s notice. This mysterious dimension is commonly called "Malletspace".

First Corollary (AKA The Hammer Rule)- The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.

#38- Law of Hydrostatic Emission- Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed , embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.

#39- Law of Inverse Attraction- Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get and vice-versa.

First Corollary- Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world...

#40- Law of Nasal Sanguination- When sexually aroused, males in Anime don’t get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one’s sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (seeLaw #38 above). Females don’t get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.

#41- Law of Xylolaceration- Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.

#42- Law of Juvenile Omnipotence- Always send a boy to do a man’s job. He’ll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.

#43- Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia- There is no Law #43.

#44- Law of Nominative Clamovocation- the likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced (known as the Kamehameha effect).

#45- Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis- Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys" witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.

#46- Law of Flimsy Incognition- Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.

#47- Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission- All anime characters seem to have some unknown chemical on their breath that reacts VERY violently with extremely hot or spicy food. This chemical may also be responsible for the phenomenon of fire behind the eyes and from the mouth when a character (usually a female) is really angry.

#48- Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism- If you get electrocuted or burned, YOU WILL SURVIVE!! Though your entire body will be scorched, seconds later, your skin won’t have a trace of damage.

(Also known as the "Pikachu Effect").

First Corollary- When a magical bad guy/Alien/monster fires off a flame, wind, or ice attack, the resulting effect is only enough for the hero(es)/heroine(s) to be standing in the "Walking Against the Wind" stance, with his/her eyes shut and letting out a pathetic "Aaaaagh!", and yet they are never harmed. This may be in part to laws 32, 34 and sometimes 44.

#49- Law of Female wrath- If a male character insults a female character, he will get a mallet, shotgun, or tank blast, or if she is a character that can perform magical feats, a fireball or whatever, to the head, body or whatever (Also known as the "Lina Inverse/Gourry Factor") This is because he always deserves it, and will help him to cope in today’s society. (Sniff Sniff

#50- Law of Artistic Perversion- Most (not all) Anime artists are perverts and are under the impression that girls are willing to tear off their clothes, or wear VERY small, revealing outfits at the drop of a pin (or pen for that matter).

Unfortunately, most Hentai fans are under the same impression.

#51- Law of Uninteruptable Nominative Clamovocation- This law is a mixture of Laws 44 and 45. Regardless of how long or involved the Spell or projectile attack is, and the likelihood of success and damage done by the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced, or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys" witnessing a hero/heroine quoting the incantations for an extremely powerful attack are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it. (Also known as the "Dragon Slave Phenomenon")

52- Law of Telepathic Obliviousness- Most of the time, some Anime characters (usually males) will think personal (Like that he/she has sabotaged something), or perverted thoughts, while near some other character, WHO’S TELEPATHIC!! The reasons for this are:

1) They forgot that the person is telepathic.
2) They just don’t give a damn.

The reasons the telepathic person doesn’t react are:

1) They’re preoccupied with doing something else.
2) They’d rather keep the fact to themselves that they are Telepathic.
3) They just don’t give a damn.

#53- Law of Chromatic Diversity- Air can be any color of the viewable spectrum.

#54- Law of Old Man Comic Relief- Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald, wise-mouthed dirty old man or alien. Or the combination of any two of those traits.

First Corollary- If old man is present, and is acting too horny, stupid,
etc., there will invariably be an old woman to whap him over the head with a frying pan or something.

#55- Law of the Wise Old Man- Little old Japanese men always know how it ends and withhold the ending from anyone, especially the hero. This includes special power weapons, ancient relics, and people who know everything.

#56- Law of Omnipotent Unreliability- Any "Bad Guy" with Omnipotent powers/weapons will never use those powers/weapons against the "Good Guy" until it is too late.

First Corollary- All "Bad Guys" suffer from Antagonistic Boasting Syndrome which require all "Bad Guys" to threaten with or exemplify their prowess and not use it against the "Good Guy".

Second Corollary- No "Bad Guy" may use any new, secret, or superior military device without one of the following events occurring:

a) The control device being broken.

b) The control device being taken by the "Good Guy".

c) The control device is in fact not the real device at all and was just
"fooled" by the "Good Guy".

d) The "Bad Guy" has already lost and cannot use the device.

#57- Law of Minimum Corneal Volume- Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of the face’s total surface area. More so if the case is a blonde woman.

#58- Law of Electrical Charges in Hair- Hair attracts electricity in abundance, resulting in two outcomes:

a) A positive charge will result in the spikes-flying-everywhere-behind-me look.

b) A negative charge will result in the hair-cascading-down-to-the-waist-in-a-single-sheet look.

#59- Law of Ammunition Accuracy- When there are multiple types of ammunition available (paintballs, speaker pods), non-lethal rounds will always be more accurate when compared to "standard" or lethal shots. (Macross Plus for paintballs, Macross 7 for speaker pods)

#60- Law of Active Female Attraction- In a comedy series, a male character’s attractiveness to women is inversely proportional to how active they pursue them.

(Tenchi, Ranma, and Makoto OVA have a seemingly endless supply of willing girlfriends despite their lack of romantic skill while Happosai, Ataru, and Carrot couldn’t get a date despite or because of their constant attempts.)

#61- Law of Sweat Pore Variability- When a person is embarrassed, caught in an awkward situation, or otherwise humiliated, all sweat pores on the body contract, except for ones on the forehead. These pores expand to such a degree that a single drop could fill a Big Gulp from 7-11.

#62- The Law of Inverse Training Time- A person who has been training for 3 years is never as good as someone who has been training for one month.

#63- Law of Needs to Few and Many- The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few... of even the one.

#64- Law of Bad Humor- Whenever someone says something that is intended to be funny, whether actually funny or not, the rest of the characters (even animals) fall to the ground with their feet in the air. Sweat sometimes accompanies the fall.

(The sound of a cow mooing usually accompanies the joke as well.)

#65- Law of Extreme Anger- Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the male character with another girl, she becomes extremely strong (despite her usually helpless look) so that she can lift a 1000 ton object to hurt the guy. She can sometimes perform other punishments that are just as cruel such as pinching the guy’s face so hard that it changes shape. (see law #49)

#66- Law of Differentiated Gravitation-

First Corollary- If the airborne entity exceeds an altitude equal or greater
than two times the height of the entity, gravity is decreased by an inverse
coefficient relative to the upward momentum and mass/weight (if within at least 500 km of any gravity source) of the entity "jumping".

Second Corollary- The amount of Newtonian "opposite force" (in accordance to normal downward velocity; "Earth gravity" speed is equal to 32ft/sec/sec) is also inversely proportional to the "actual" speed of the airborne entity. In all actuality, an entity that appears to be flying towards a solid concrete parking lot from space will actually land, producing an opposite force of approximately 1.73 lb. of pressure.

Unless this particular entity is a "Bad Guy". Then the law exhibits a mysterious exponentially proportional Newtonian opposite force, thusly increasing this variable by a factor equal to the inverse-gravity potential.

#67- Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases, the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient must be increased by a proportional amount to compensate. In any situation where this does not happen, the "Bad Guy" inevitably comes out on top. However, this usually leads to a further rise in the Ambient Dramatic tension, which will always be offset by an exponential increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient.

#68- Law of Coercive Vehicular Control- No matter how complex or well defined the control system, a character controlling a vehicle of any sort always does so through means of undetectable subconscious psychokinesis.

First Corollary- Characters can perform actions with their vehicles which clearly defy normal physics (see Laws of Metaphysical Irregularity and Constant Thrust). The velocity, attitude and traction of the vehicle appear to be adjusted at will, with the degree of absolute control being proportional to the complexity and lethality of the maneuver.

Second Corollary- It is effectively impossible to remove characters from or disrupt the passage of their vehicles without the character’s consent. This does not always apply to "Bad Guy" characters, or "Good Guy" characters in situations where the Ambient Dramatic Tension could increase in accordance with the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension.

#69- Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases without a corresponding increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient, not only does the "Bad Guy" usually come out on top, but also his Smugness Factor increases in proportion to the rise in Ambient Dramatic Tension.

#70- Law of The Rushing Background Effect- Whenever something dramatic occurs, a survival instinct engages, thus rendering all incoming stimulus that is not directly and immediately to the dramatic situation at hand a meaningless blur. This is often referred to as "The Rushing Background Effect". Due to the increase in brain activity and adrenaline levels in the bloodstream, the scene is often played out in slow motion.

#71- Law of Interdimensional Hammers- Whenever a female character witnesses a male character of her preference performing any sort of questionable act (i.e. Looking at another girl or anything she might construe as perverted) she can reach into an interdimensional realm (usually behind her back) and withdraw a huge Anime Mallet of Doom with which to whack the said male over the head with. (see Laws # 37, 49, and 65)

#72- Law of Instant Band-Aids- Whenever a character is injured (usually in a head shot, maybe from a mallet whack) Band-Aids will always instantly appear on the wounded individual (and always in pairs, set in a cross fashion). These bandages will then, most likely, disappear by the character’s next scene.

#73- Law of Universal Edge Defense- Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to a hail of bullets, can be easily defended against by holding a suitably cool-looking sword or other bladed weapon between the attacker and defender, usually so that the edge cuts into the incoming attack(s), causing both halves to go flying harmlessly past the defender. Observed most often in fantasy and martial arts anime.

#74- Law of Intractable Sanity- There is no such thing as insanity in anime. When faced with horrifying supernatural forces that would drive most men mad, anime characters will either:

a) Die quickly (but in accordance with all other laws e.g., slowdown and
exposition),
b) Get possessed by them, especially if they are beautiful girls or men in aposition to ravish beautiful girls, or
c) Kill them, wipe the blood off their blades, and walk on whistling.

#75- Law of Celestial Body Control- At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can summon a sun/moon/halo to appear behind him/her to cause a dramatic silhouette.

#76- Law of Aura of Forgetfulness- Any hero who wishes his/her identity to remain a secret will invariably succeed regardless of disguise because everyone around him/her will forget everything. Otherwise, how does Sailor Moon keep her disguise?

#77- Law of Cool Hair Factor- The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick strands that drape his face into a dramatic fashion, regardless of wind, the elements, etc. (see Laws 32 & 48)

#78- Law of Inverse Coping- Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST capable of dealing with it.

#79- Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability- The Myth that certain martial arts will enable you to become so strong, that you can stop a nuclear warhead with your bare palm. Unfortunately, for most otaku, they found the hard way that it just doesn’t work in real life...

#80- Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics- If a captain of any type of ship is male, he will invariably wear a big captain’s cap, a long overcoat, and have a shaggy beard and mustache (pipe optional), and be a great tactician. If the captain is female, however, she will invariably be young, well endowed, and ditzy as a pole (horny father optional). Yet, she too will be a great tactician.

#81- Law of Shades/Coolness Factor- Shades can make you instantly cool, even if you’re normally a klutz.

#82- Law of Hentai Plot- The proper response to any change in the plotline of a Hentai anime is to start having sex.

#83- Law of Understatement- Anything that is deemed too impossible will become possible.

First Corollary- Any "Bad Guy" stating "T-that’s impossible!" whenever the hero is accomplishing some new feat/move/projectile will find out too late that he is wrong and will invariably be toastied.

#84- Law of Dormant Powers- Anytime a hero is somehow outpowered and/or outclassed by the villain, he will invariably release powers/new moves he never knew he could accomplish... but his old teacher did!

#85- Law of Style Coefficient- In a situation where a Good guy may be in dire straits, he will become stronger, smarter and more cool in a matter of seconds. (see Laws #67, 69, and 84)

#86- Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor- Whenever the villain actually succeeds in beating the hero, they will begin to gloat uncontrollably, because they’ve never won against the "Good Guy" (because they’re Eeeviiil!!). They usually get so cocky, they tie the hero to a conveyor belt leading to his doom and leave to get a snack.

Usually this results in:

a) The hero escaping.
b) Clean-up for the underlings.
c) The villain getting toastied.

#87- Law of Tableware Nonexistence- There IS no spoon.

#88- Law of Goofy Turn-Ons- In Hentai, ordinary , pedestrian objects sometimes have the magical power of either inducing orgasm or arousal. Some include warm water, rolling on a smooth tabletop, wind, mild electrocution, the character toweling themselves after a bath/shower, and very cold objects... like bottles of 7-up.

#89- Law of Penile Variance- All Anime men in Hentai have a ridiculously large penis (lengths of 8, 9, 10 and 11 inches are most common). Some even have ones the size of telephone poles, despite the blood loss that would accompany it...

#90-Law of Hentai Female Characteristics- All Hentai women have the following characteristics:

1) Very sensitive and/or very large breasts with large nipples.
2) Very tight and/or sensitive vaginas.

#91- Law of Vaginal Variance- Hentai Anime women can take penis lengths of 8" and up... completely... despite the fact that they might have a tight and/or sensitive vagina.

#92- Law of Hero Identification- All heroes are introduced by way of appearance while someone talking about their (in)famous-ness, or by way of a voice-over of them introducing themselves.

#93- Law of Cute Mascots- Any anime either Shojo or Shonen has GOT to have at least one cute, furry little mascot by penalty of death!
First Corollary- If it is a Shonen Anime, the hero will be accompanied by a Dog, Cat or any kind of animal, real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the male persuasion. Any animal that would be associated with girls that is following him around is there because:

1) It’s his girlfriend’s.
2) It is following him, despite his insistence not to do so.
3) Chicks will dig him more.

Second Corollary- If it is a Shojo Anime, the heroine will be accompanied by a cat, cute lil’ mouse, or some disgustingly cute monster, or any kind of animal, real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the female persuasion. Any animal that would be associated with guys that is following her around is there because:
1) It’s her boyfriend’s.
2) It is following her, despite her insistence not to do so.
3) It makes her look cool.

#94- Law of The Force- Most Anime heroes are blessed with a unique sort of ability that enables bad things to happen to those that deserve it or makes things like bullets or debris totally miss them (Also referred to as "Dumb Luck"), even though they are mostly unaware of it. Those who have this ability include Vash the Stampede, Captain Justy Ueki Tylor, and Jar Jar Binks.

#95- Law of Naughty Tentacles- All Anime Tentacles are VERY horny and will rape any
human female, regardless of age .

("She’s 18! No! Really, she is! I’m not lying!...")

First Corollary- Even when raped or molested by tentacles, Hentai Anime girls eventually get into it & begin squealing in ecstasy. NO one knows WHY this is,but some theorize there may be some kind of chemical that is secreted through the skin of the tentacle...

Second Corollary- Women who are impregnated by a tentacle creature never experience morning sickness, and also find it to be intensely pleasurable (Also known as the Goofy Meter Redline Effect).

Third Corollary- Similarly, the resulting... offspring of tentacle/human
relations is immediately sexually active, often impregnating its own mother again.

#96- Law of Cat-Fighting- Two females with a grudge can and will go at each other, sometimes ripping off clothes. Sometimes it escalates so much, that property damage begins to occur.

First Corollary- A running fight can be so destructive, you can follow it
from a distance just by watching for the smoke.

(Also known as the "A-ko/B-koThing")

#97- Law of Healing- Most anime heroes have a Wolverine-like healing factor that enables them to regenerate from a massive wound or broken bone within minutes. Being immortal sometimes helps.

(Also known as the "Priss Effect".)

#98- Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics- All ships, either waterborne or spaceborne, have the following crew members:
1) The captain
2) His Lieutenant
3) Various female technical staff
4) A hotshot pilot
5) A cute little girl/twins (either stowaways or not)
6) The Doctor
7) The Doctor’s assistant (either a spy or not)

Weighted among the crew are various quirks which include:
1) Extreme coolness/luck
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible irritation
4) Extreme cuteness
5) Irresponsible drunkenness
6) Homophobicness
7) Emotionless (Idiots.)

#99- Law of Sparklies- Whenever a character of the main character’s interest appears, flowers, sparkles, or abstract circles of pastel colors appear around said character, or both. Roses with exaggerated thorns appear when it is dangerous love.

No one knows why this is, though most have a theory: Anime characters are freaks!

At least, Marker Apenname seems to think so...

#100- Law of Anime Events- Much like wrestling, anything and everything can happen.

Isn't it funny:

you can change your music taste to impress a guy, but when it comes to a girl who likes her own music and her own style, you give her a mouthful?

ISN'T IT FUNNY that a guy can get away with being a gangsta but the emo gets a mouthful from everyone?

Are you laughing?

Isn't it funny that an emo can be quiet all through the week, but gets more crap from everyone than the girl who sleeps around, or the girl who ruins everybody else's life?

ISN'T IT FUNNY that you don't mind your friends drinking and smoking, but the minute someone mentions cutting you can give them a lecture on melodramatic teenage outcasts?

I'm not laughing.

IT'S SO FUNNY that you and your friends can make a girl's life hell and not know anything about the silent battle she might be fighting.

HOW YOU CAN CALL A GIRL A POSER, HOW CAN YOU SAY "YOU'RE NOT EMO" OR "ATTENTION SEEKER" WITHOUT SPENDING A SECOND TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHY THERE ARE CUTS ON HER WRISTS AND WHY SHE SPENDS HER LUNCHTIMES CRYING INSTEAD OF LAUGHING WITH HER FRIENDS?

Isn't it funny you can say and do all this without any idea of what is going on in this persons life?

Without knowing her situation with her friends,

or her family,

or her LIFE?

BRAVE ISN'T GOING UP ON STAGE AND STRIPPING.

BRAVE IS NOT SAYING A SPEECH,

OR DUMPING YOUR BOYFRIEND.

BRAVE IS

GOING TO SCHOOL ON MONDAY AND NOT FOR A SECOND CARE WHAT THE WORLD AROUND YOU ARE SAYING ABOUT YOUR CLOTHES AND HAIR.

IT'S LISTENING TO YOUR OWN MUSIC AND BEING PROUD OF IT.

IT'S GOING THROUGH EVERY DAY WITH THE THINGS PEOPLE SAY TO YOUR FACE AND BEHIND YOUR BACK AND YOU STILL KEEP QUIET.

IT'S KNOWING WHAT YOUR "FRIENDS" ARE SAYING ABOUT YOU AND GIVING THEM A SECOND CHANCE AS 'FRIENDS'

BRAVE IS KNOWING THAT TOMOROW ISNT A BRIGHT AND HAPPY FUTURE,

ITS ANOTHER DAY OF DODGING RUMORS, AND AVOIDING FIGHTS.

DPDPDPDPDPDPDPDPDPDPDPDPDP11111111
11DPDPDPDPDPDPDP111111111PDPDPDP111
1111DPDPDPDPDPD111111111111DPDPDP111
11DPDPDPDPDPDP111111111111DPDPDPDP1
DPDPDPDPDPDP1111111111DPDPDPDPDP111
11DPDPDPDP1111DPDPDPDPDPDPDPDP11111
1111DPDPDP111PDPDPDPDPDPDPDPDP111111
11DPDPDP111DPDPDPDPDPDPDPDP111111111
DPDPDP111DPDPDPDPDPDPDP11111111111111

If no one likes me, that's their problem

If I'm ugly, no one likes me so i guess no one should care

If I'm a geek, that means I'm smart

If I'm immature, then you need to learn to be a kid

If I'm a freak, I guess that means that I'm different

If I'm worthless, then why am I worth making fun of?

You say BABY PINK & PASTELS
I say BLOOD RED & BLACK
You say HANNAH MONTANA
I say THREE DAYS GRACE
You say ZAC EFRON
I say NARUTO
You say RAP
I say ROCK
You say I'M WEIRD
I say YES I AM

100 Things I am Not Allowed to Do:

not introduce self as roleplaying character in public.

not talk to fictional characters in public.

not answer fictional characters in public.

not talk to inanimate objects in public.

not go out in public.

6.Disregard above note.Perform numbers 1 to 4.

7.Note expressions.

8.Don't die alone. Take many people with you.

9.Floor is slippery when wet.

10.Lake is slippery when dry.

11.Only talk to strangers you know.

12.Strangers you don't know are spies... Kill them all.

13.For legal purposes be sure to delete above note.

14.Tell people about the spies that are trying to kill you.

15.Kill them for security purposes.

16.Crying does not solve anything. Try violent mood swings.

17.Make a scene whenever humanly possible.

18.The men in white coats are not your friends.

19.Ask them for a room with lots of sharp, pointy objects.

20.When that doesn't work, ask for a designer jacket.

21.Chicken soup, although good for colds, is not the best cure for drowning.

22.Flammable and inflammable mean the same thing.

23.Unlike fine wine, milk does not get better with age.

24.Always remember, um... um... Damn.

25.Train army of flying monkeys.

26.Goldfish don't like milk.

not maim people. If you already have, kill them to avoid lawsuits.

28.Find out who invented the word "pianist".

29.People are staring at you.

act insane.

31.People are weird, but not as weird as me.

not taunt animals at zoo. They have feelings... And teeth.

33.Little people are aggressive. Stay away from little people.

34.Going through other people's stuff is a bonding experiance. Do this as much as possible.

'll sometimes notice shadows late at night. Don't worry. It's only me... Bonding.

36.Never pet a burning dog.

37.Never make eye contact with a naked man. Especially if you are wearing a parka.

38.Naked men dig parkas.

39.Beware the naked man who offers you his parka.

know what would look good on you?

41.Immolated cockroaches.

42.Don't worry. It's only a harmless pimento bug.

43.The size of Danny DeVito.

44.Making an amusing facial expression. Like this.

45.Numbers are evil. Count in clovers.

46.Stalking is fun. Do it more.

47.Make a large sign saying, "Look at me, I'm a gumnut tree!"

matter what anyone says, there is a way to get to your fantasy world.

49.That way is rum.

50.Constipated people don't give a sh-t.

cannot kill the snow.

53.The snow can kill you.

54.Grass can also kill you.

55.The leprechaun on the cereal box said I can't get his lucky charms...

56.Catch and castrate leprechaun.

57.HE is real... No matter what the men in white coats say.

58.Staple paper in the middle of the page.

case of blank looks, laugh maniacally.

are not haxxor l337 or an uberhacker or anything like that.

61.Pretend to be so around teh n00bs.

not go out with voice #7. He is a sadistic, soul sucking demon.

63.Disregard last note. Go out with demon. Who needs a soul anyway?

64.Ask Senior Diablo for a bigger pitchfork.

65.Remember to kill HIM...

66.Tell the small children in Toys 'R' Us that the dolls have an insatiable thirst for blood.

67.Note reactions. Avoid parents.

68.The blood of infants gives unholy superpowers according to Jhonen C. Vasquez. Test theory.

69.Scream, the doctors don't like it, they'll give you a shot of something nice.

70.Hide the bodies, otherwise peole ask embarressing questions.

the evidence.

72.But not if it's broken glass.

73.When in the presence of someone much wiser than you, point in a random direction and yell, "Look, a distraction!" Then run.

not tell children that Santa is fat because he eats kids.

75.Disregard last note.

76.Note reactions.

77.On average, 100 people choke to death on ball point pens every year.

78.Stock up on ball point pens.

79.Learn to fly. Tell no one.

80.The secret to flying is throwing yourself at the ground and missing.

not stick fingers into blender.

82.Blender... Bad... Ouch.

83.Blood loss is bad.

84.Find way to re-attatch fingers.

85.Scream as much as humanly possible at 2AM.

86.Answer every question with a question.

87.Ask people what gender they are.

88.Note reactions.

89.Refer to people as "mortal".

90.The Seagull From Hell is out to get me.

91.Kill all enemies in most disturbing way possible.

92.Start by drowning them in fire ants.

93.Find the creators of pop-up messages.

94.Kill them.

95.Brutally.

96.Teachers don't like finding notes on world domination.

97.Dunk head in boiling water.

98.Disregard last note. Was written by Voice #7.

99.Gullible IS written on the ceiling!

100.Investigate this whole "critical mass" thing when the klaxon dies down...

PLEASE READ.

I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a cashier hand this little boy some money back.

The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old.

The cashier said, "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll."

Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''

The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''

Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly.

The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.

Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.

"It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."

I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry.

But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there."

His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''

My heart nearly stopped.

The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall."

Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me "I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me. I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister."

Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.

I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''

"OK," he said, "I hope I do have enough." I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.

The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!"

Then he looked at me and added, "I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give it to my sister. He heard me!''

"I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''

"My mommy loves white roses."

A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket.

I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.

Then I remembered a local newspaper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.

The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy?

Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young woman had passed away.

I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.

She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.

I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever.. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister

is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.

Now you have 2 choices:

1) Repost this message.

2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart

Reasons why girls rule!!

1.We got off the Titanic first

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game. (Not Completely true)

7. Taxis stop for us.

8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).

11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.

13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.

18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.

21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.

22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.

26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.

28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark

-- POST THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE IF YOU THINK HOMOPHOBIA IS WRONG!--

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

--Thank you--

"If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.
If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.
If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.
If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed."

A good friend helps you up when you fall down. A best friend laughs and trips you again. Or sits on you back and forces you to stay down...

A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will prank call him and whisper, “You will die in seven days..."

A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much?"

A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.

A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"

A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

A good friend never asks for anything to eat or drink. A best friend Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

A good friend Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. A best friend Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial.

A good friend borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. A best friend loses your junk and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

A good friend only knows a few things about you. A best friend Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds’ butt that left you.

A good friend would knock on your front door. A best friend will walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

A friend will help me find my way when I'm lost. A best friend will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions

A friend will help me learn to drive. A best friend will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance.

A friend will watch my pets when I go away. A best friend won't let me go away without them.

A friend will go to a concert with me. A best friend will kidnap the band with me.

A good friend hides me from the cops. A best friend is probably the reason they are after me in the first place.

A good friend lets me make an idiot of myself in public. A best friend is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.

A good friend is only through school/college. A best friend is for life.

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. (Cuz they have to be "polite")
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food. (cuz they're hungry and more familiar with you)

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. (Again being POLITE!)
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS! (Cuz you're already part of the family!)

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. (cuz they feel bad for doing nothing the whole time!)
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN! That guy was using a chainsaw!" (cuz you were there helping out like partners in crime would do!)

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. (cuz you aren't close like PB and Jay are)
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore. (they really do love you)

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number. (cuz they know they will "ACCIDENTALLY" lose it)
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial. (Cuz they care)

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. (They don't know you and don't want to owe you anything)
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your shit and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue." (cuz they're so used to you being around and all)

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. (they are not friends but acquaintances)
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story... (You secretly already have O.O)

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. (because they're bastards!)
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd's ass that left you (Hecks Yeah!)

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. (Boring)
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME." (that sounds about right)

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone. (cause they don't loves you)
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell. (Cuz your like homies!!)

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life. (aka: people who come in and never go out)

FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter because they think it's baloney!!
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this STUFF because it's so true!!

Put an X if you have done these things

x You've run into a glass/screen door.

You have jumped out of a moving vehicle

X You have thought of something funny and laughed, then people gave you weird looks.

X You have run into a tree/bush.

X You know that it IS possible to lick your elbow

X You have tried to lick your elbow

X You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle , Twinkle Little _Star have the same tune.

X You just tried to sing them

X You have tripped on your shoelace and fallen.

X You have accidentally caught something on fire

X You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose/eyes.

X You have caught yourself drooling.

X You have fallen asleep in class and started to talk/drool, or snore.

X Sometimes you just stop thinking.

X You are telling a story and forget what you were talking about. People often shake their heads and walk away from you.

X You are often told to use your 'inside voice'.

You use your fingers to do simple math.

X You have eaten a bug

X You are taking this test when you should be doing something more important.

X You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn't realize it.

X You've looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand.

You’ve ever stapled your hand

X You break a lot of things.

Your friends know not to use big words around you.

X You tilt your head when you're confused.

X You have fallen out of your chair before.

X When you're lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture of the ceiling.

X The word 'um' is used many times a day

Copy and Paste Thingies:

Pirates are cool. The color blue reminds me of chocolate and Harry Potter. if two gooses are geese, would two mooses be meese? and if two foots are feet, wouldn't it be two feetball? walrus! AHAHAHAHA!! LUKE I AM YOUR FATHA!! i hate lacrosse. don't ask why. i want some toast. DO THE BARTMAN! SHOOBUS MY WOOBUS and SHOOP DA WOOP, baby! BADA BOOM BADA BAM! LUMOS! Oh wait, that's a light switch... My bunny is named Cricket and she looks like a Kangaroo! if you are random, copy and paste this, then add something random of your own

If you fear to some extent what would happen if your family members stumbled upon your fanfiction profile and then tried to talk to you about it, copy and paste this onto your profile.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, Phantom-Figure, Weird Romantic Gal, Devilchild93,TheGirlWhoDancesAtTheMoonlight, Angel of Darkness Thirteen, Ghostgal4, JuneLuxray (a.k.a Sarah), Eyriegirl

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar with yourself . So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.

If you are a therian (a person who has an animals soul) copy and paste this in your profile

If you howl in the woods copy and paste this in your profile!

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with Danny Phantom, copy this into your profile.

EMBRACE THE WEIRDNESS! If you embrace the weirdness, then copy and paste this onto your profile

Too many teenagers have smoked or tried Marijuana, if you haven't, put this in your profile

If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile.

If several inanimate objects hate you post this on profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

If you ever pushed on a door that said "Pull" copy this into your profile.

If you have ever ran into a wall while looking at some one else and had them see you, copy this into your profile.

If you have Phantom Phever and you know it, copy and paste this into your profile!

CHEESE MUFFINS! If you are random, copy and paste this to your profile

If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile.

If you think the world would be easier if everyone was on fanfiction.net because--judging from the copy-paste thingys in the profiles--everyone dares to be different and doesn't care what people think, post this in your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile.

If you have no life, enjoy anime too much, and people tell you you have no life, put this in your profile

I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, which I am, but I'm also random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you've ever threatened a computer or video game console, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you support homosexuality, copy and paste this onto your profile

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

- If you could read that, put it in your profile

According to a recent survey, 92 of the male population is stupid. If you agree with this or are part of the 8 smart enough to understand this, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are one of the people who NEED technology in your schedule, copy and paste this onto your profile.

We all know that school cafeteria's practically serve us week-old road-kill. If your school does this, copy and paste this onto your profile. If not, TRANSFER WITH ME!!

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, which makes weird good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy & paste this onto your profile.

RACISM IS WRONG!
Racism is wrong and can often times destroy people's self confidence. It's a horrible and cruel way to treat people. To prove that we are all alike, try this simple experiment: Hold your hand up to a light of some kind. You'll see a shadow cast nearby. Now, have someone of a different race hold their hand up too. You'll see, essentially, the same image. Five fingers and a palm. Skin color doesn't matter when you get right down to it. If you are against racism, copy this message and my symbol for equality to your profile.

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.

Recent studies show that 92 percent of teenagers have moved on to rap. If you're part of the 8 percent that hasn't, put this in your profile.

98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, copy this into your profile.

If you're against animal cruelty (horse slaughter, bear beating, dolphin hunting, chimp slavery etc.) then copy this into your profile!

If you don't fit the description of the non-existent word of 'normal', then put this into your profile right now!!

If you are unique and proud of it, copy and paste this to your profile

If you are on the dark side (Where the cookies and milk are), copy and paste this to your profile

If you are a computer obsessed person and have lived over 1 WEEK without using the computer, copy and paste this to your profile

If you have ever ran into a glass door because you thought it was open, copy and paste this to your profile

If you are an anime freak, copy and paste this to your profile

If you love Bleach, Naruto, or Prince of tennis, copy and paste this to your profile (I love all three!)\

92 percent of American teens would die if Fang told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would tell Fang to get over himself and then shove him back in your basement where he belongs. Then, you would resurrect the 92 percent of overzealous fangirls and use them as your zombie army to take over Canada and rename it Canadia where you would rule as Queen with Fang by your side as your extremely hot king who has no real political power except to stand there and make you look good.

"Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? i just want to know who the hell is drinking my damn soda"

If you are a cereal killer,GET THE HECK AWAY FROM MY CHEERIOS.

If you talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you fricking LOVE these copy and pastes, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you think TV Golf is the most boring thing on TV...Copy and paste this into your profile.

Miss

I'm a girl so I'm probably cruel

I'm a lady so I'm probably irrational

I'm a women so I'm probably crazy

I'm a female so I'm probably sexy

Miss or Ms. "Whatever".Girls rule,Boys drool.

All of the above put this in your pro.

if you can raed tihs, cnorgadluatoins! you are one of the samrt peploe who dno't need to look at the wrod idniviudlaly, but as a wolhe! Olny samrt poelpe can raed tihs bceuase tehy are good raedres. Msot good raedres can raed wrdos wehn the frist and lsat ltetres of the wrod are the smae, and tehre are the smae auomnt of lteters in the wrod...if you could read that, copy and paste this onto your profile

wowlookatthisimtypingthisveryoddlinebreakifyoucanreaditcopyandpasteyousmartperson

If you absolutely LOVE anime, copy and paste this onto your profile

92 of the teens have moved onto rap. If you are part of the 8 that still listens to real music, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate stereotypes and think people should just SHUT UP AND STOP, POST THIS!

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

If you hate (or close to hate if you're a non-hater) those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

-If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you hate child abuse and want it to STOP, copy and past this on your profile.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

Ways to reject a guy:

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

Cool Thingies:

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree. The
boys don't want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

This is really sweet, and it's true 90 percent of the time.

Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school
He told his friends that it was cool
And when he pulled the trigger back
It shot with a great crack
Mummy I was a good girl
I did what I was told
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold
But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye
I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry
When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another
And all because he got the gun from his older brother
Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much
And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush
And tell my little sister that she is the only one now
And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best
Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest
Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class
And never to forget this and please don't let this pass
Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this
Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss
And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try
I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry
Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest
But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest
Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack
Mummy listen to me if you would
I wanted to go to college
I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with daddy
On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married
I wanted to have a kid
I wanted to be an actress
Mummy I wanted to live
But mummy I must go now
The time is getting late
Mummy tell my Chris
I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date
I love you mummy I always have
I know you know it's true
Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you"
In memory of the Columbian students that were lost
Please if you would
Pass this around
I'd be happy if you could
Don't smash this on the ground
If you pass this on
Maybe people will cry
Just keep this in heart
For the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"
Now you have two choices
1) repost and show you care
2)ignore it and you have just proven you have a low-down, cold-heart
(Please just copy and paste this on to your site and show that you care)