I AM AWESOME IN EVERY WAY

except for the ways that matter.

Quotes from me.

"Everything is important, just not to everyone, and not at every point in time." (Dornan)

"No one has an amazing personality, just an average one, it all depends on who likes them." (Dornan)

"Who is the evil one; your enemy, or YOU." (Dornan)

"There are two types of people, those that like yaoi, and those that don't; clearly, I prefer the former." (Dornan)

" WHO THE F*CKING HELL CARES ABOUT TRIGINOMITRY!!!!!!!!!" (Dornan)

"Rarely does a human pay attention to another, unless it benefits them in some way." (Dornan)

And that's all Folks!

Picture comes from http:///index.php/stories-manga/stories/a-c/the-abyss-blood-kin/111-chapter

FANFICTION- UNITED NATIONS!! Has anyone else noticed how a lot of us get along and make friends on here and we can be from completely different countries? WTF!? We're here making world peace on the INTERNET and we have all those ambassadors and senators and whatever struggling with it!! If you realize this (or read this and agreed) copy and paste this and add your name and country (country is optional) to the list. SPREAD THE PEACE!!: Naruto-fan-Okami-chan (USA), NaraTemari011 (Puerto Rico), Lala girl in Lalaland (USA), Kakashi Forever (England) Anime895(USA), Starwatcher-shadow (Belgium), mewmewgodess (Canada), KiaraWangWilliams (Canada), Stitches on a Zeppelin (Canada),DaIvanbraginski (Scotland),CheesyBirdie(Wales) Ginygroov(Philipines) poseidon's hufflepuff daughter (USA) Glacier-boy (Norway) Death a la Mode Productions (USA), RaNdOmNeSs~SaMa~~(Australia) imaqt16 (USA)

Annoying Things to Do in an Elevator

Walk on with a cooler that is labeled "HUMAN HEAD" on the side.

Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

Crack open your briefcase of purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?

Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

Meow occasionally.

Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM" and back away slowly.

Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

Annouce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."

Say "Ding" at each floor.

Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.

Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

Stare, grinning at another passenger for awhile, and then announce, "I have new socks on."

When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"

Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space."

When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.

Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.

Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.

Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

Ask, "Did you feel that?"

Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."

Swat at flies that don't exist.

Tell people that you can see their aura.

Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

Shave.

On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now... motion sickness!"

Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"

Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

Leave a box between the doors.

Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head.

Start a sing-along.

One word: Flatulence!

Do Tai Chi exercises

Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!

"Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.

Bring a chair along.

Lean against the button panel.

While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.

Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it.

Go on Fanfiction :)

Don't own, originally from Raptor-Chick and Hazel-Star.

not introduce self as roleplaying character in public.

not talk to fictional characters in public.

not answer fictional characters in public.

4. Do not talk to inanimate objects in public

5. Do not go out in public.

6. Disregard above note.

Perform numbers 1 to 4.

7.Note expressions.

8.Don't die alone. Take many people with you.

9.Floor is slippery when wet.

10.Lake is slippery when dry.

11.Only talk to strangers you know.

12.Strangers you don't know are spies... Kill them all.

13.For legal purposes be sure to delete above note.

14.Tell people about the spies that are trying to kill you.

15.Kill them for security purposes.

16.Crying does not solve anything. Try violent mood swings.

17.Make a scene whenever humanly possible.

18.The men in white coats are not your friends.

19.Ask them for a room with lots of sharp, pointy objects.

20.When that doesn't work, ask for a designer jacket.

21.Chicken soup, although good for colds, is not the best cure for drowning.

22.Flammable and inflammable mean the same thing.

23.Unlike fine wine, milk does not get better with age.

24.Always remember, um... um... Damn.

25.Train army of flying monkeys.

26.Goldfish don't like milk.

not maim people. If you already have, kill them to avoid lawsuits.

28.Find out who invented the word "pianoist".

29.People are staring at you.

act insane.

31.People are weird, but not as weird as me.

not taunt animals at zoo. They have feelings... And teeth.

33.Little people are aggressive. Stay away from little people.

34.Going through other people's stuff is a bonding experiance. Do this as much as possible.

'll sometimes notice shadows late at night. Don't worry. It's only me... Bonding.

36.Never pet a burning dog.

37.Never make eye contact with a naked man. Especially if you are wearing a parka.

38.Naked men dig parkas.

39.Beware the naked man who offers you his parka.

know what would look good on you?

41.Immolated cockroaches.

42.Don't worry. It's only a harmless pimento bug.

43.The size of Danny DeVito.

44.Making an amusing facial expression. Like this. OO

45.Numbers are evil. Count in clovers.

46.Stalking is fun. Do it more.

47.Make a large sign saying, "Look at me, I'm a gumnut tree!"

matter what anyone says, there is a way to get to your fantasy world.

49.That way is rum.

50.Constipated people don't give a sh-t.

cannot kill the snow.

53.The snow can kill you.

54.Grass can also kill you.

55.The leprechaun on the cereal box said I can't get his lucky charms...

56.Catch and castrate leprechaun.

57.HE is real... No matter what the men in white coats say.

58.Staple paper in the middle of the page.

case of blank looks, laugh maniacally.

are not haxxor l337 or an uberhacker or anything like that.

61.Pretend to be so around teh n00bs.

not go out with voice #7. He is a sadistic, soul sucking demon.

63.Disregard last note. Go out with demon. Who needs a soul anyway?

64.Ask Senior Diablo for a bigger pitchfork.

65.Remember to kill HIM...

66.Tell the small children in Toys 'R' Us that the dolls have an insatiable thirst for blood.

67.Note reactions. Avoid parents.

68.The blood of infants gives unholy superpowers according to Jhonen C. Vasquez. Test theory.

69.Scream, the doctors don't like it, they'll give you a shot of something nice.

70.Hide the bodies, otherwise peole ask embarressing questions.

the evidence.

72.But not if it's broken glass.

73.When in the presence of someone much wiser than you, point in a random direction and yell, "Look, a distraction!" Then run.

not tell children that Santa is fat because he eats kids.

75.Disregard last note.

76.Note reactions.

77.On average, 100 people choke to death on ball point pens every year.

78.Stock up on ball point pens.

79.Learn to fly. Tell no one.

80.The secret to flying is throwing yourself at the ground and missing.

not stick fingers into blender.

82.Blender... Bad... Ouch.

83.Blood loss is bad.

84.Find way to re-attatch fingers.

85.Scream as much as humanly possible at 2AM.

86.Answer every question with a question.

87.Ask people what gender they are.

88.Note reactions.

89.Refer to people as "mortal".

90.The Seagull From Hell is out to get me.

91.Kill all enemies in most disturbing way possible.

92.Start by drowning them in fire ants.

93.Find the creators of pop-up messages.

94.Kill them.

95.Brutally.

96.Teachers don't like finding notes on world domination.

97.Dunk head in boiling water.

98.Disregard last note. Was written by Voice #7.

99.Gullible IS written on the ceiling!

100.Investigate this whole "critical mass" thing when the klaxon dies down...

I found these on someone's profile and thought they really funny. If you thought they were funny and started laughing while reading them like I did, copy and paste them into your profile.

Fangirl (Noun)

A female, usually between the ages of 12 and 19, that is obsessed with a particular fictional character and, in turn, the actor that portrays said character. Avoid fangirls in large groups, as they do tend to swarm. If you are unlucky enough to be near their object of admiration, cover your ears. They have a batlike shriek that can be heard from several city blocks away. All anime voice actors beware! (See also: stalker-in-training)

!!WARNING!! EXCESSIVE ANIME WATCHING LEADS TO EXTREME CASES OF: THE ANIME FANGIRL--Symptoms include, but are no limited to: Extreme urges to glomp everyone in sight, mewing randomly, labeling things as "kawaii" or "baka", cosplaying, roleplaying, purchasing tons of manga, buying all anime and items with anime on them, drawing anime of fanart, drawing everyone as a chibi, listening to music with Japanese lyrics, believing you were born a Japanese cat girl (It's called Neko), falling in love with guys seen in anime, adding "chan" to names, and extremely hurting people who bash anime.

WARNING

Do not converse with a fangirl without proper training!

Possibility of hearing loss an/or trauma!

If threatened by fangirl: Distract with pocky and run away. Very, very fast!

I speak fluent fangirl.

Anime fangirl: In love with someone who doesn't exist.

I'm a fangirl, not a stupid douche.

Typical Fangirl- A fangirl is an individual who is obsessed with either a fictional character or an actor.

Caution: may glomp, grope, or tackle when encountering said obsessions.

Delusional fangirl- The delusional fangirl takes her obsession to the next level. Convincing herself, and anyone who will listen, that she is in a relationship with the character or actor she is obsessed with.

Caution: The delusional fangirl will often react with EXTREME violence if you get too close to her chosen obsession.

Evil Fangirl- The evil fangirl can and will get what she wants no matter the cost. Devious, sadistic, and twisted, the evil fangirl will disregard any common sense to achieve her goals and desires. Evil fangirls tend to often be fangirls who are aware of their good looks.

Caution: The evil fangirl is not concerned about the well-being of her fellow fangirls and can and will hurt you if you get in the way of her and her obsession.

Fangirlphobia- the fear of fangirls.

Fangirlism- it's a way of life.

First step- Denial. Second step- Acceptance. I am a hopeless fangirl and proud of it.

THE FANGIRLS ARE COMING! THE FANGIRLS ARE COMING!

Thats Mrs. *insert anime boy's last name here* to you!

You say Edward Cullen, I say Harry Potter.

You say red and black, I say green and silver

You say Forks, I say Hogwarts.

You say Edward and Bella, I say Ron and Hermione.

You say Jacob Black, I say Sirius Black.

You say Volturi, I say Death Eaters.

You say, “Go to Hell.” I say, “Go kiss a Dementor.”

You say football, I say Quidditch.

You say “Twilight is better than Harry Potter.” I say “You must not tell lies.”

You say childhood, I say Harry Potter.

You say depression, I say, “The dementors must be near. Here, have some chocolate.”

You say Hitler, I say Voldemort.

You say school, I say Hogwarts.

You say, “I’m going to kill you!” I yell, “Avada Kedavra

You say life, I say Harry Potter

FAKE VS. REAL

FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for food.

REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.

FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr./Mrs.

REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM.

FAKE FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.

REAL FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying “Shoot … we really messed up … but that sure was fun!”

FAKE FRIENDS: Never seen you cry.

REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you.

FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.

REAL FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget it’s yours.

FAKE FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.

REAL FRIENDS: Can write a book about you, with direct quotes from you.

FAKE FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butts that left you.

FAKE FRIENDS: Will knock on your front door.

REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say “I’M HOME!”

FAKE FRIENDS: Are for awhile.

REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.

FAKE FRIENDS: Say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.

REAL FRIENDS: Not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to what’s wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better!

FAKE FRIENDS: Make you say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.

REAL FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.

FAKE FRIENDS: Will ignore this.

REAL FRIENDS: Will repost it

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity:

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!"

5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For the Unicorns

7.Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.

8. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.

9. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

10.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream'I Won! I Won!'

18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

Copy and Paste this To Make People who actually read bios Smile

I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't ever been asked out. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone.: Iheartjake1220, FaerieRose13, Dancer4Life15, Marigold Winters, SparklingTopazEyes, my name is paper YAH, Sakurablossom24, Rhianna224, Kisa T. Sohma, Lone-wolf761,charmed4lifekaren, Life Alchemist, Dylexa,Chihuahua rocks, BookWorm5635,name Nonya B.S. Wax, Randomness-sama, imaqt16

A 15 year old girl holds hands with her 1 year old son. People call her a slut. No-one knows she was raped at 13. People call a girl fat. No-one knows she has a serious disease which causes her to be over weight. People call an old man ugly. No-one knows he had a serious injury to his face while fighting for our country in the war. Repost this if you're against bullying and stereotyping. 95% of you won't.

QUOTES CORNER

They say I'm crazy. I say that better crazy and unique, than boring and normal like you.

People with no creativity have nothing.

I'm a nerd- deal with it.

Say that wizards are better than vampires or else I'll Avada Kadavra your bum off. NOW SAY IT!

STOP GLOBAL WARMING! It's melting my chocolate.

I'm a cookie, now gimme dragons! That came out wrong.

Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away! Bella died, Jacob cried, And HP stayed forever the way, HEY!

If I get lost, I tend to just wander around and get lost even more.

I find 'good morning' a contradiction of terms.

I've heard that it's possible to grow up. I've just never met anyone who's actually done it.

"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells."

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

One out of four people is insane. Look at three of your friends. If it's not them, it's you ( its all of us ;D )

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory...

My imaginary friend thinks that you have serious problems.

"Be a loser because 'cool' is overrated"

"Well behaved women rarely make history"

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

If you can't beat them, confuse them.

Reality continues to ruin my life.

If you get good grades and still don't know anything at all copy this onto your profile.

1 out of 6 people are insane. except when you're friends with me and my friends, then 6 out of 6 people are insane.

Reality is more fun when you make it up

Words may hurt me, but sticks and stones will bounce off my force field.

So, if guns kill people, can I blame misspelled words on my pencil?

You say I'm not cool. Cool is just another word for cold. If I'm not Cold then I'm Hot. I know I'm Hot. Thank You for embracing it!

There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

On a scale of one to awesome, that was purple.

"Help! I've fallen and I can't -- Hey! Nice carpet!"

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.

Eat right, exercise, die anyway.

Insanity is a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.

By the time you read this, you've already read it.

"Pretty girls turn heads. Me and my girls break necks" XD

"Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot your revenge"

We know Kung Fu...And 20 other dangerous words

Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.

Being mature is overrated.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realise you're wrong.

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

I’m so awesome that I could kill people with it.

I AM NOT CRAZY! My reality is just different than yours.

Looking for a perfect girl? Go buy yourself a barbie doll.

The difference between Genius and Stupidity is that Genius is limited

I lay at my bed last night, counting the stars, and I thought to myself: Where the heck did my ceiling go?!

Ever notice how DYING is at the end of STUDYING?

Nothing travels faster than light, with the possible exception of bad news, which follows its own rules

…didn’t need an excuse to go over to the Dark Side…

True Love has no happy ending, because True Love has no ending.

What color is the Sky in your world?

"There is a fine line between sanity and insanity, and I have white out".

"True love is when you don't want to sleep because real life is so much better than a dream"

We fall for stupid boys, we make lots of dumb mistakes, we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenage girls are good at 2 things: Staying Strong, and Being Ourselves.

True love isn't free, but i'd pay anything to have it

Would you like a cookie? So would I.

"It takes an idiot to do cool things...that's why they're cool. - FLCL

You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.

'You have to be wierd because if you weren't wierd, then you can't be normal, because to be wierd is to be normal, and only normal people are wierd, so - I think I lost my train of thought.(Nyleve)

"You guys line up alphabetically by height."

"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

Always remember, you're unique, just like everyone else.

"I hope I didn't brain my damage..." --Homer Simpson

Programming today is a race between the software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

"The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. But the stupid man will just lie down on some seaweed and roll around in it until he's completely covered. Then, he'll stand up and go; "Hey, I'm Vine Man."

"Going to Church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in the garage makes you a car."

When life gives you lemons make grape juice then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

When life gives you lemons when no one is looking, throw them through life’s window and run away.

When life give you lemons, throw them back and say I WANT CANDY!

If the world gives you lemons, you can make lemonade... or you can make a biologically engineered virulent air-born pathogenic virus that will wipe out the entire population of the planet, which would be a whole lot cooler.

If life gives you lemons, throw them back in Life's face and tell it you wanted limes

Always laugh when you can. It is cheapest medicine.

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what.

The greatest and the smallest, light and dark, right and wrong - they all come together to form the miracle that is life, and none can exist without the others. -Silvetris

"There is not enough darkness in all the world to put out the light of even one small candle." -Robery Alden

"Those who fear the darkness have no idea what the light can do" -Katasai_Rakshasa

"Do not stand in a place of danger trusting in miracles." -Arabian Proverb

"You're welcome to believe that the world is a nice, logical, rational, safe place... You'll be wrong, but that hasn't stopped anyone else who thinks the same way." -Dierdre, Otherworld by Mercades Lackey and Holly Lisle

"Cats are known to see within the dark. Yet, if you had sight like a cat, even for one day, would you really want to see what's in the dark?"

The pain of having a broken heart is not so much as to kill you, yet not so little as to let you live.

"Only time can heal your broken heart, just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs."

Dying seems less sad than having lived too little.

It's getting colder now and the darkness consumes me. Depression is slowly creeping up. Maybe one day you'll actually care about me.

"I'm not insane, I'm just a writer. Now shut up so I can listen to the voices in my head."

"The way I look at it is that you haven't committed me into a mental hospital...yet."

"Don't look at me like I'm insane! I just asked you if my character should die at the end or not!"

"... just because you're paranoid doesn't mean there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face." -The Dresden Files

"You're unconscious, moron. We can finally talk to one another." -The Dresden Files

"Life is pain. So's dinner. You've burnt your garlic bread." -The Dresden Files

UFO's caused the Gulf War Syndrome? That's why we like you, Mulder. Your ideas are weirder than ours.-The Dresden Files

"At the risk of sounding clichéd, I've been expecting you." -Artemis Fowl

"If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose, then I'm mad." -Artemis Fowl

"Why don't we look for some magic stones that can grant wishes? Or, if that doesn't work, you could search my naked body for some mysterious birthmark that means I am actually the prince of somewhere or other." -Orion Fowl

"No. This is not the commander. This is Foaly, the centaur. Is this the kidnapping lowlife human?" -Foaly

"Smite it with what? Your secret birthmark?" -Foaly

"Look! Someone who cares!" -Foaly

The trouble with trying to make yourself stupider than you already are is that you very often succeed. -C.S. Lewis, The Magician's Nephew

"You would be amazed how many magicians have died after being bitten by mad rabbits. It's far more common than you might think." -Angela the Herbalist

"Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another." -Lemony Snicket

"The moral of Snow White is never eat apples." -Lemony Snicket

"The sad truth is the truth is sad." -Lemony Snicket

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together. - Unknown

"First the barrier from hell. Then the mountain with no trail. And now, the icing on the cake-- the longest goddamn staircase in the history of mankind." (Sanzo from Saiyuki)

"I'm astounded by the stupidity." (Sanzo from Saiyuki)

"Your voice offends my ears." (Sanzo from Saiyuki)

"The statistic beauty of the sun is that it works, not that's it bright." (Amita from Numb3rs)

"We're watching ice melt." (Larry from Numb3rs)

"Slacker to the rescue." (Martin Fitzgerald from Without a Trace)

"Either you suck at math, or you're going to die in two seconds." (House from House MD)

"Only the dead have seen the end of war." (Plato)

"You write like you speak; I could barely understand a word." (Rube to Mason from Dead Like Me)

"You're like a walking encyclopedia of weirdness." (Dean Winchester from Supernatural)

"Dude, seriously; still with the ham?" (Sam Winchester from Supernatural)

"You mean, you put down your rock and I put down my sword, and we try kill each other like civilized people?" (Wesley from Princess Bride)

Watching a peaceful death of a human being reminds us of a falling star; one of a million lights in a vast sky that flares up for a brief moment only to disappear into the endless night forever. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. Mark Twain

The day which we fear as our last is but the birthday of eternity. Seneca

Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me - I quit." Bill Maher, on Politically Incorrect, 1995

After all, to the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure. J.K. Rowling

"Humanity is overrated."

"Weird works for me."

"There is not a thin line between love and hate. There is -- in fact -- a Great Wall of China with armed sentries posted every 20 feet between love and hate."

Even if the voices aren't real, they have good ideas

My imaginary friend thinks you're sacry...

lemony snicket quotes

"Knowledge is power, power is the root of all evil. Therefore, study to be evil."

"I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies."

If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats."

"All the secrets of the world are contained in books. Read at your own risk."

"It is always sad when someone leaves home, unless they are simply going around the corner and will return in a few minutes with ice-cream sandwiches."

"No matter who you are, no matter where you live, and no matter how many people are chasing you, what you don't read is often as important as what you do read."

"Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess."

"I don't know if you've ever noticed this, but first impressions are often entirely wrong."

"Perhaps if we saw what was ahead of us, and glimpsed the follies, and misfortunes that would befall us later on, we would all stay in our mother's wombs, and then there would be nobody in the world but a great number of very fat, very irritated women."

It is very unnerving to be proven wrong, particularly when you are really right and the person who is really wrong is proving you wrong and proving himself, wrongly, right."

"It is difficult, when faced with a situation you cannot control, to admit you can do nothing."

"The key to good eavesdropping is not getting caught."

"Stealing, of course, is a crime, and a very impolite thing to do. But like most impolite things, it is excusable under certain circumstances. Stealing is not excusable if, for instance, you are in a museum and you decide that a certain painting would look better in your house, and you simply grab the painting and take it there. But if you were very, very hungry, and you had no way of obtaining money, it would be excusable to grab the painting, take it to your house, and eat it."

"There are two kinds of fears: rational and irrational- or in simpler terms, fears that make sense and fears that don't."

"One of the world's most popular entertainments is a deck of cards, which contains thirteen each of four suits, highlighted by kings, queens and jacks, who are possibly the queen's younger, more attractive boyfriends."

"At times the world may seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe that there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough. and what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of a journey.

"As I am sure you know, when people say "It's my pleasure", they usually mean something along the lines of, "There's nothing on Earth I would rather do less."[...]"

J.K. Rowling quotes

"If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals."

"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

"It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default."

"Just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have."

"There is no good and evil, there is only power.(not true...)

"Voldemort," said Riddle softly, "is my past, present, and future, Harry Potter."

"Funny, the damage a silly little book can do, especially in the hands of a silly little girl."

"I have seen your heart, and it is mine."

Harry Potter: [fighting Bellatrix Lestrange] Crucio! Lord Voldemort: [taunting Harry] You have to mean it, Harry. You know the spell. She killed him. She deserves it

"Greatness inspires envy, envy engenders spite, spite spawns lies. You must know this, Dumbledore."

J.K. Rowling quotes

"The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make sense." - Tom Clancy

"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book." - Groucho Marx

"For instance, if Christmas trees were people and people were Christmas trees, we'd all be chopped down, put up in the living room, and covered with tinsel, while the trees opened our presents." - Alec, The Phantom Toll Booth

"I can tell you the difference between a geek and a nerd. A geek, goes to the midnight showing of Harry Potter. A nerd goes to the midnight showing of Harry Potter, dressed as Harry Potter, carrying various Harry Potter objects, and probably camped out for his spot in line." -Last Comic Standing

For the tradgedy of life is not that it ends too soon, but that we wait so long to begin it. -W. M. Lewis

'I don't suffer from insanity...I enjoy every minute of it'

'Who ever said nothing was impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door'

'Silence is golden, duck tape is silver'

'We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public'

'Everyday I think people can't get any stupider, and everyday I am proven horribly wrong'

'I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing'

'You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because you're all the same'

'Never knock on Death's door, ring the doorbell and run away... he hates that'

A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.

If you can stay calm when all around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation.

Two things are infinite: The universe, and human stupidity. I'm not so sure about the universe...

'Strength is no more than how well you hide your pain'

So… what was a slightly insane man to do?-Tiro

'I reject your reality and substitute my own" - Adam Savage (Mythbusters)

I am definitely a madman with a box!-11th doctor

Funny how you can say something in your head and it sounds fine.-11th doctor

That's a relief! I thought I had burst out of the wrong cake. Again.-11th doctor

A daft old man who stole a magic box and ran away.-11th doctor

I am being extremely clever up here and there's no one to stand around looking impressed! What's the point in having you all? -11th doctor

Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane. – William Dement

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more.

Hey you guys are so mean to Justin, leave HER alone!

When I text someone and someone is looking at my phone, I always like to type "...and some idiot keeps reading our plans, shall I take them out?"

Destiny isn't about what we are supposed to do, but who we are supposed to be.

You can mock me, you can hurt me, but as long as I have friends, you can't break me.

The heart is like the ocean. No matter how much wonder and life it holds, it never seems to fill up.

A stranger stabs you in the front A friend stabs you in the back A boyfriend stabs your heart Best Friends only poke each other with straws

I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

"You say I've lost my sanity. Well I have news for you. You can't lose what you never had."

Of hope and truths. Of dreams and lies. Of wonder and magic, and of family and surprise. Of friendship and love. Of right and of wrong, of redemption, and of regret. Of forgiveness, and forgetfulness. Of blackmail. Of death. Of liberty and of freedom. Of choice and happiness. Of life and all the wonders that we don't see everyday. Of trust. -unknown

"Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES! Welcome to the dark side. Are you surprised that we lied about the cookies? Come to the light side. We have ICE CREAM! Welcome to the light side. Heh, sorry, we're out of ice cream.

"Don't attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot."

When someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown over it but just 4 muscles to stretch your arm out and punch the crap out of them.

Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon.

I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was ‘You’ll never find anyone like me again!’ I’m thinking, ‘I should hope not! If I don’t want you, why would I want someone like you?’

Keep smiling , it makes people wonder what you’re up to.

Whether the cup is half empty or half full is beside the point. The point is that the bartender cheated you.

I didn't trip. I was just doing a random gravity test.

If I’m not back in five minutes… wait longer!

War does not determine who is right... only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Diamonds are a girl’s best friend...because they're shaper then knives.

ADOST: Attention Deficit-Ohh Shiny Thing

Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

Women are angels. When someone breaks our wings, we continue flying...on broomsticks.

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

Relax. Nothing is ok.

Just say no to drugs. Because if your drugs are talking to you, you've probably had too many.

We're not retreating! We're advancing in a different direction!

I was going to take over the world but I got distracted by something sparkly.

Whoever said "words don't hurt" have obviously never had a hard-backed encyclopedia hurled at their head.

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world

Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.

Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over.

Boys are like trees, they take 50 years to grow up.

Friends will always be like "Well, you deserve better!" but best friends will prank call him saying "Seven days..."

A friend will comfort you when he rejects you, but a best friend will go up to him and say "Its because your gay isn't it?"

I called your boyfriend "gay" and he hit me with his purse!

Most people learn by observation, and there are the few who learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually TOUCH the fire to see if it's really hot.

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic...

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is GOING somewhere.

You don't like me, well it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.

Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.

Doctors say I have multiple personalities. We disagree with that.

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

I DONT obsess! I think intensley...and like all the time

It takes skill to trip over flat surfaces.

The early bird gets the worm, but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese.

I'm not random, I'm just HEY LOOK A SQUIRREL!

People who don't know me think I'm quiet. People who do wish I was.

I didn't slap you, I high-fived your face.

DEATH: the number 1 killer in the U.S...tell your friends.

Automatic doors make me feel like a JEDI!!

Hey stupid! Your sock is untied...

"To be is to do" Socrates

"To do is to be" Sartre

"Do be do be do." Sinatra

Im not random, you just can't think as fast as me.

Chocolate is the answer no matter what the question is.

Im not as random as you think I salad.

On a scale of 1 to crazy I'm a penguin.

Hey you! Yeah you! No, not you, the other guy. You right there! Do you like tacos?

If you're reading this then you're not dead. Good for you.

I tried being normal, but I didn't like it.

I was going to kill the ugliest person alive but then i thought I'd let your mom live one more day

Smile. It makes the world wonder what you're up to.

the below statement is true

the above statement is false

There are two things that are infinite. The universe and human stupidity. And I'm not so sure about the universe.

Out of my mind. Be back in five minutes.

Normality will be restored as soon as we figure out what it is.

Be yourself. That's crazy enough.

You always get whats coming to you; unless it gets lost in the mail.

Flying is not inherently dangerous- crashing is.

I have animal magnetism-- when I go outside, squirrels stick to my sleeves.

The trouble with real life is that there is no background music

I have not lost my mind; its backed up on a disk somewhere

Beware the letter 'G'. It is the end of everything.

Forecast for tonight: darkness

If you try to fail and succeed, which one did you do?

I am reading a most interesting book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

How come when you mix water with flour, you get glue and then when you add eggs and sugar you get cake? Where does the glue go?

If everything seems to be going well, you obviously overlooked something

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall through a sewer hole and die.

Hell is full of musical amateurs

There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line

I'm not random I just have many thoughts

I'm the kind of person who walks into a chair and apologizes

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it

-sticks hand in electric box- CHIDORI!!

If you had a life you would stop talking about mine

We're not retreating! We're advancing in a different direction!

Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever, you keep on talking

The below statement is true

The above statement is false

Don't make me angry, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies

Wanna know how to keep an idiot busy? Take him into a round room and tell him to sit in a corner.

In a world of cheerios, be a frootloop!

Earth first. We'll screw up the other planets later.

God must love stupid people...he made so many

There is no great genius without a mixture of madness

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

You, you, and you panic. The rest of you follow me.

Lately the only thing keeping me from becoming a serial killer is my dislike for manual labor.

PMS: Every woman's legal right to be a bitch.

Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them as much

If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with nonsense

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

I'm mature and you're not. Nah nah nah nah nah nah!

Eat healthy. Work right. Die anyway.

I have a dream and in it, something eats you.

Its sad your own mom dresses you like that.

Everyone is beautiful on the inside. If you think bones and guts are beautiful.

Its always funny until someone gets hurt. Then its hysterical

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems

If aliens are looking for intelligent life, why the hell are you scared?!

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.

Looking for a perfect girl? Go buy yourself a barbie doll.

If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.

I know KUNG-FU and 42 other dangerous words

Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhh its a secret!

Quick, whats the number for 9-1-1?

You should always proofread what you write in case you any words.

I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap out a better conversation than you.

I ran into my ex today. Then I put it in reverse and hit him again.

By the time you finished reading this you'll realize you just wasted 5 seconds of your life

I burst laughing out in class today...I got that joke you told yesterday

Hi! I'm human. What're you?

Have you considered suing your brain for non-support?

I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass!

Everyone has a right to be ugly, but you're abusing that privilege.

If we were to kill everyone who thought you were stupid, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!

I'd like to leave you with one thought...but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it!

Wherever there is life there is love

I may not be perfect but at least I'm confident

Sometimes all we need are each other

Life is like a circle. No wonder I'm so dizzy.

Yeah I'm a loser, but I'm the coolest loser you'll ever meet

A friend would call you a retard but a best friend would call you one and act like one with you.

Boys break our hearts, so why don't we break their necks?

One night, I looked up into the sky. I began counting the reasons why I love you. I was doing great until I ran out of stars.

When they laugh, we'll laugh along too. Because we know better. We know.

I wanted to send you something SEXY... but the mail man told me to get out of the mail box...

I'm NOT SHORT!! ... I'm fun sized!

Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses!

When you call us BITCHES we just look at each other and crack up, because we knew that WAAAAAAAAAAY BEFORE YOU DID!

Last night I lay in my bed looking up at the stars and thought to myself, WHERE THE HELL IS MY CEILING!?

Am I pissing you off-fa-fa?

We are the people our parents warned us about!

Someone told me its illegal to kill someone for pissing you off...crap...!

I have the kind of friends where if my house was burning down, they'd be roasting marshmallows and flirting with the firemen! (Yeah and they probably start it too..)

RAWR!! That means I love you in dinosaur!

Grant me the serenity to accept things I can not change... And the shovel to hide the bodies of those who piss me off...

Its not that I'm not a “people person”... its just that I'm not a “stupid people person”.

Lets play Simon Says! Simon Says... GO CRAP YOURSELF!!

You and me are friends. You fight, I fight. You hurt, I hurt. You cry, I cry. You jump off a bridge... I'm gonna miss your dumb ass!

I will not be a naughty girl. I will not be a naughty girl. I will not be a naughty girl. I will not be a... aww who am I kidding!

If I promise not to kill you... can I have a hug?

I don't have a short attention span, I just... Oh look a kitty!

Exactly how much fun can I have before I go to hell?

HELL- Where all the fun people end up!

Ne the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says “Oh crap she's up!”

Note to self: It is illegal to stab people for being stupid!

They keep saying the right person will come along... I think a truck hit mine!

It better to have loved and lost then to live with the PSYCHO the rest of your life!

Only You!... can help me hide the bodies!

I'm smiling cause I'm your sister, I'm laughing cause theres nothing you can do about it!

When I die, I'm going to haunt the HELL out of you people!

Better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt

Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience

I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

"Oh? Paper beats rock? Okay, you try defending yourself with paper when I throw a rock at you."

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."

Isn’t it funny how the word ‘politics’ is made up of the words ‘poli’ meaning ‘many’ in Latin, and ‘tics’ as in ‘bloodsucking creatures’?"

"I ran with scissors, and lived!"

"Why isn’t chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a vegetable?"

knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that."

"Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES! Welcome to the dark side. Are you surprised that we lied about the cookies? Come to the light side. We have ICE CREAM! Welcome to the light side. Heh, sorry, we're out of ice cream.

"Don't attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot."

"'Let's eat Grandma' or 'Let's eat, Grandma'- Punctuation saves lives."

"A panda eats, shoots, and leaves... Or... A panda eats shoots and leaves." YOU'VE GOTTA' LOVE GRAMMAR!!

Earth is full. Go home.

Flying is very simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

PMS - Possible Murder Suspect

As I lay in bed looking at the twinkling stars above me, I think, "Where the hell is my ceiling?"

I didn't lose my mind. I sold it on Ebay.

Warning: Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.

I'm only mean to people who tell me to be nice!

Curiosity killed whoever got in my way.

I'm a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up.

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

Smile. It scares people.

An overly-positive attitude may not be enough to solve a problem, but it sure ticks people off enough for it to be worth it!

I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff

There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

The cops never find it as funny as you do.

Reality is for people who lack imagination.

If aliens are looking for intelligent life? WHY THE HECK ARE YOU SCARED?!

The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of a fast approaching train.

Taste the rainbow - Eat CRAYONS!

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

People say I've lost my sanity, but I can't lose what I never had.

The voices in my head may not be real but they still have pretty good ideas...

You're just jealous 'cause the voices talk to me not you

Nine out of the ten voices in my head agree that I'm insane. The tenth is off chasing cars.

The voices in my head don’t like you.

If you think I'm crazy you should meet my mother.

Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.

Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?

When your mom leaves you in the car alone for a few minutes, everyone outside immediately become rapist.

Don't waste a minute not being happy. If one window closes, run to the next window or break down a door.

I used to have a life but, that was before video games! (and fanfiction)

The evening news always starts off by saying 'Good Evening' and then proceed to tell you exactly why it isn't.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Doesn't 'expecting the unexpected' make the unexpected expected?

Normality will be restored as soon as we're sure what it is.

Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

STRESS: A condition brought on by over-riding the bodies desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it.

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

Never doubt the power of an extremely pissed off woman

Life is like a pack of gum . . . I've yet to figure out why.

Be insane . . . because well behaved girls never made history.

If your name is Mr.Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.

Growing old is mandatory . . . growing up is optional . . .

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

I'm not random, I just have many thougt- OH! A DUCK!

I did not hit you, I simply high-fived your face.

Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot your revenge.

WARNING: Jumping into toxic waste does not give you super powers

BAD spellers of the world 'UNTIE!

I'm not crazy, my reality is just different than yours

When nothing goes right... go left.

I'm not random, you just can't think as fast as me.

It's a beautiful day, now watch some idiot screw it up.

OOOH.. DRAMA! Let's get popcorn!

Do it today! It might be illegal tomorrow!

You! Off my planet!

The first sign of madness is talking to yourself. The second is when the voices in your head answer back.

Allow me to introduce my selves.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

Note to self: It is illegal to stab people for being stupid

No, I won't go to Hell! It has a restraining order against me.

And to think you are the result of millions of years of evolution.

There's nothing that can't be fixed with duct tape, chocolate, or by running it over.

Don't upset me, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

Not all men are annoying. . . . Some are dead.

Chaos, panic, & disorder -- my work here is done.

Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

Make like a guillotine and head off.

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.

I stopped fighting my inner demons quite some time ago. We're on the same side now.

If it wasn't for physics and law enforcement I'd be unstoppable.

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

I used to be normal... until I met those freaks I call my friends.

I got you a present; it's a CD. I hope you haven't got it, because I don't have a receipt... and I didn't exactly buy it...

If you're gonna be two-faced, sweetie, at least make one of them pretty.

All work and no play means you will die in seven days... dun dun duuun.

I run with scissors; it makes me feel dangerous.

Kids are the future. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Don't hit kids. No, seriously, they have guns now.

WARNING: Children left unattended will be sold to the circus.

If I throw a stick, will you go away?

When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” Don’t answer him

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.

Guys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up.

"You know little bro? You should take care of your book, because a tree sacrificed it's life to give you education, let's just hope his sacrifice wasn't a waste shall we?" -me (I really don't know why I said that, me and my lil' bro were studying and stuff.)

Is it time for your medication or mine?

Oh, I'm so sorry! I forgot that you're an idiot!

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a girlfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends grab those knives and stab those bastards back for you.

A good friend is someone who thinks you are a good egg even though he knows you're slightly cracked- Bernard Meltzer

Friends are relatives you make for yourself- Gustache Deschamps

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. I built the Argo II.

To put it nicely, I hope you choke

Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them.

It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn.

You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.

A day without sunshine is like... night.

God created man before woman because every masterpiece needs a rough draft.

MENtal pain, MENtal anxiety, MENstrual cramps, MENopause... all our problems start with men!

I only know how to do things three ways: the right way, the wrong way, and my way... which is the wrong way only faster.

Whoever said that 'nothing was impossible' never tried to slam a revolving door.

When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then sit back and enjoy while others try to figure out how you did it.

When life hands you a lemon, squirt life in the eye and run like hell.

Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run away. He hates that.

Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.

Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.

Writing isn't a career, it's more of a mental illness.

I'm an angel, honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo straight.

Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over.

It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn.

Real friends don't let you do stupid things--alone.

The butterflies are plotting SOMETHING...

Best friends know how stupid you are and still choose to be with you in public.

I am NOT saying you’re stupid...I'm just implying it.

Don't try to out-weird me-- I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal.

You don't like me, well it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.

You say 'crazy' like it's a bad thing.

I'm not afraid of death. What's it going to do, kill me?

When in doubt, make up words!

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is full.

Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that.

If the opposite of 'pro' is 'con', then what's the opposite of 'progress'? Congress? Thought so.

I don't exactly hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, I'd drink it.

To steal ideas from one person is plagerisim. To steal from many is research.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, then speak aloud and remove all doubt.

I didn't say it was your fault, I said i was blaming you.

Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise. WISDOM YO

Knowledge if power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

People are like slinkies; basically useless, but ever so amusing to watch fall down the stairs.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.

What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?

Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.

I run with scissors, it makes me feel dangerous.

I had amnesia once--or twice. You know what? I don't really even remember.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is my ceiling?

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then I get hit in the face.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

If you don't like my driving then stay off the sidewalk!

Don’t mess with me. I've got a stick.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

I smile because I have no idea what's going on!

One day, your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door...

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary in there!

I'm not afraid of death! What's it going to do? Kill me?

Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real. You want a perfect girl? Go buy a Barbie

Having the love of your life say "We can still be friends" is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it. (That would be so gross...)

When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch them!

I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.

I used up all my sick days...so I called in dead.

Stressed is Desserts backwards :)

When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back!

Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.

You're laughing now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.

There's a light at the end of every tunnel...lets just hope it's not a train.

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, and I laugh even harder.

Boys are like trees – they take fifty years to grow up.

Flying is not inherently dangerous- crashing is.

Forecast for tonight: darkness.

Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.

If aliens are looking for intelligent life, why the heck are you scared?!

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.

Some say the glass is half full, others the glass is half empty, all I want to know is who's drank my water!

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent that aren't, copy this, put it in you profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Tsuyu Mikazuki, Weasel Chick, Revenant666, dragonsroar, foxdude33, FallenLex, Soelle, Akihiro Asamoto, Corvin, 9tail_Naruto, FlameKaiser, NoNameNeeded, Vampire.Addiction, Crescent Luna Moon, 'GrimmTheBitch'1, CrazykittensAtemyHOMEWORK, RaNdOmNeSs~SaMa, imaqt16

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica(real name)(i always change my penname)(tehehehe) PurpleBunniesWillRuleTheWorld, Roxxi-and-Ali, IsabellaMarieSwan123, edwardsrealbella, ILOVEYOUcullen,Vampire.Addiction, Crescent Luna Moon, 'GrimmTheBitch'1 ,CrazykittensAtemyHOMEWORK, RaNdOmNeSs~SaMa, imaqt16

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl, 777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, Deidara's Manialoll 4 Ever, DrownMySoul, red-headed psychopaths wanted, Yaoi's Girl, lrr, Vampire.Addiction, Crescent Luna Moon, 'GrimmTheBitch'1, CrazykittensAtemyHOMEWORK, RaNdOmNeSs~SaMa, imaqt16

Copy and Paste if...

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa

If you think being unique is cooler than being cool

If you have ever run into a door

If you have ever copy and paste something onto your profile

If you have ever asked a really stupid, obvious question

If you have ever forgotten what you are talking about in a conversation

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects

If you have ever seen a movie or show or read a book so many times that you can quote it word for word, and you do at random moments

If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it

sdrawkcab siht daer ot hguone trams era uoy fI

If you have an insane best friend

If you love reading

If you have music in your soul

If, with no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions

If you ever sang the "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves"

If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation

If you have ever cried when your favorite character in a movie, T.V show, or book died

If you have ever tripped over a pillow

If you're still reading this profile, you ROCK! Show the world I approve

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people

If you are one of the few middle/high school girls who haven't given in to makeup, copy/paste this on their page.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile. (This should be everyone!)

If you have a scary crush on a book, anime or game character then copy this into your profile.

If you hear the voices of your characters in your head, please copy this into your profile.

If you like to put these types of things in your profile, copy and paste to your profile.

Nerds are cool. Nerds are smart. Nerds will one day rule the universe. If you're a nerd and proud of it, copy this into your profile.

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over air, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you becasue of the effects, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile

98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile.

92 percent of teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it wasn't cool to breathe. Put this in your profile if you would be part of the 8 percent laughing your butt off.

Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just-OH MY GOSH IT'S A SQUIRREL-random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!