Authors Note:

I suppose I should explain. I guess this isn't an epilogue but rather the true ending. Not that the previous chapter wouldn't work as one. If you prefer cliff-hangers and open-ended stories—well, that might work right?

It was supposed to be short. But it sort of got away from me and well this is the result.

Oh well. Fine. Here is the ending. Truly. Promise. I swear. Or not.

The Fish and The Mob

A Tuna Learns to Swim

God wisely designed the human body so that we can neither pat our own backs nor kick ourselves too easily.

Anonymous

Now, if you can dare imagine the Fates being kind and benevolent, then the story of that young man who went on a less than usual adventure in that small country in the west would've simply ended on a more cheerful note. He would've been safely whisked away to a beautiful villa where he spent the remainder of his summer in frolic and play—forgetting slowly, day by the day the trauma of his unfortunate encounter until it fades into the realms of forgotten and barely remembered dreams, recalled only as a faint, lingering sense of déjà vu.

Now, that being said—as I mentioned—will only be applicable if the Fates were in a friendly, compassionate kind of mood. Unfortunately for our intrepid protagonist—the fates were a bunch of hormonal, PMS-ing bitches that never allowed a chance for hilarity to escape them.

"What the fucking hell is this? Tsuna—get in here! We have another fucking bunch of fucking weirdos looking for your fucking arse!"

If his ears could run away in protest Tsunayoshi was certain his would've thumbed it off his face and he would've joined them immediately. True to his word, his sadistic mentor did find someone to 'immunize' his ears to the foul nature of coarse language so that he could build a suitable resistance. Reborn was a graduate of the school of 'Anything-that-could-weaken-you-should-be-dealt-with-Impunity' so there was no way Tsuna would go through life flinching and losing his temper every time someone with a foul mouth comes within close proximity.

He gave Tsuna into the keeping of his close pal who used to be in the army and retained his extremely salty language with flair just like he got out of recruitment camp yesterday. Colonello-Taichou ran the diner that Tsuna and I-pin worked in and the man certainly loved cussing. Perhaps love was a weak term—but somehow Tsuna couldn't find any word strong enough to explain Colonello-Taichou accurately.

Tsuna and I-pin, once on a dare, counted the number of times the man cursed in the span of an entire work shift. They ran out of paper before the man ran out of things to say and that was just before they took their mid-shift break.

"Tsuna get your fucking butt in here boy!"

"You want me, Taichou?"

The blond man clapped a hand against Tsuna's back and he wondered if it was really possible to cough out a lung. Taichou was just a bit younger than his tutor but was the bloody mouthy older man shockingly strong.

"There you are lad! About fucking time! There are some suspicious bozos lurking in Table 4 again. They've been making a fucking racket and pretty soon they'll drive all our fucking customers away so why don't you mosey on over there and find out what the fuck they want alright?"

Tsuna sighed in resignation. This has been the sixth 'visit' he's had since coming home from his 'summer vacation'. It was getting to be so often that there were changes that were erected in his home and workplace. "Yes Taichou."

"Good lad." Colonello thumped Tsuna once more on his shoulder before walking back towards the kitchen. "Get them to talk to you all civil like and order something from the fucking menu or get them the fuck out there, then."

"Yes Taichou." Tsuna gave his boss another nod but his eyes were now on the group that 'invited' themselves into the diner. He gazed at the group—nearly a full dozen—men ranging in age from early twenties to late thirties, clad in cheap suit jackets and silk shirts, sporting gaudy jewelry and facial piercings.

Certainly not Old Country thug then. Wonder what affiliation they belong to? he quietly mused as he noted the agitated state of the men. It didn't take them long before the leader stepped up and spoke belligerently to the gazing young man.

"Are you the one they call Vongola?"

"No, I'm the one they call Sawada"he quipped simply. He noted the bulging veins on the spokesperson's massive neck and pitied his doctors. The man isn't likely the type to listen to healthy advice.

"Are you fucking kidding me punk?"the man growled petulantly, cracking his knuckles as he leered at Tsuna.

Tsuna gave in to the urge to sigh. Really. Clichés are so annoying.

"If I were, I wouldn't be telling you now, would I? "And hey-hey! You!" Tsuna's eyes widened in alarm when he noted the flash of a switch knife being pulled out by most of the men that accompanied the talking hippopotamus in silk. He immediately made a short piercing whistle before turning back to the gathered thugs. "You there! Put that thing away! Haven't you read the sign posted by the door?" Tsuna gestured to the small twelve by twelve inch plank that was attached just at the entrance of the diner glaring at the smirking goons. "Weapons are not allowed in here! Kids come here to eat all the time and the Taichou would kill me if we lose customers."

The hippopotamus must have decided that being proactive might bring him more results so he reached out and snagged a corner of Tsuna's apron, shaking it like a wayward, overweight pink pit-bull as he growled out his demands.

"I don't care what your fucking Taichou said or whatever stupid fucking rules you posted by the door. I ain't interested in any of that. All I want to know is where and who the hell is the fucking Decimo. So if you don't want me to rearrange your face you'd better start singing like a canary you fucking punk!"

"Look, sirs, I think you better leave. You're making our patrons very agitated and uncomfortable. Please sir."

"Are you being stupid or something kid? Don't you know who we are? We are the Testa—!"

"I don't care who you are—I-pin-chan!"

"I'm on it Tsuna-nii."

Tsuna leaned his head back casually as a bright blur swung past him and a sharp thwack echoed around the room. Eyes swung as one towards the head of the erstwhile leader where a steak knife was still quivering not more than a few centimeters way from his head. Tsuna tossed a smile towards the young girl who casually walked towards them and plucked the still vibrating steak knife from one of the diner's wooden posts.

"Tsuna-nii told you—no weapons. You want answers, you stay and you be quiet. You understand Dishonorable Customer?"

The hippopotamus-pit-bull hybrid found himself nodding as a tiny middle-school girl pocketed the steak knife and proceeded to bus a recently vacated table. Tsuna took the opportunity presented to him to seize the situation and steer it towards a more decisive and favorable conclusion.

"Now you listen to me you bunch of cerebrally-challenged brutes, my boss takes a real dim view of people who fight in his shop. And by dim, I mean the man carries an AK-47 as part of his regular uniform and uses grenades as accessories. We never pass through anything that has magnets because for sure we would be stuck there for hours while they call the Ministry of Defense to find out where we unearthed him." He raised a hand and gestured towards the slight figure that's now bus rearranging a vase with fresh cut flowers—the knife that was still prominently in the groups mind now employed in trimming leaves and thorns. "That right there is I-pin. She works here too and she really doesn't like missing out work or having rowdy customers in the diner since she studies here too. You saw here pin that knife above your head like threading a needle from ten feet away—and that's without looking directly at you. Imagine what she can do if she is motivated or pissed off enough. Do you understand what I'm saying here guys?"

The rotund leader's cheeks quivered as he groused petulantly, "I ain't afraid of no stinking little girl!"

"Then you're a bloody idiot."

Tsuna clucked like a disappointed hen before pulling out his mobile phone. He didn't want to have to resort to violence but the man was warned—twice. The matter is now officially out of his hands. Time to bring in the cavalry then. He gestured towards his phone and displayed the number he was about to call.

"Look, if you do anything to disturb the piece here, I guarantee you that would be the last thing your group will ever do. If you persist on being a right pest I will call Hibari-senpai and then you will be his problem. Do you understand what will happen to you when I do that?"

The ruddy complexion on the man's face drained quicker than meat marinading in vinegar. The thick lips flapped uselessly as the man's eyes bulged in unmistakable dread. The man's minion seemed to grasp the situation fairly quickly as well as they all nodded in immediate agreement. Tsuna gave them a slight nod before waving a hand towards the thin stacks of paper in a nearby caddy.

"Good. Now, do me and everyone else a favor. Take a seat and order something. You don't buy anything you can't stay, capiche? And just for the record—no one here is called Decimo. AT least not yet. Now shut up and buy something and eat."

Tsuna didn't stay to see if the men would comply. Since he started defaulting towards dropping the Skylark's name as a possible means of enforcing the rules, thus far no one has been foolish enough to challenge the man's mettle and Tsuna prays daily that no one ever would. He doubts any of the challengers would live to see another day.

"Another set of goons came to see me today GrandPa. I mean—did you guys send out a memo through the Underworld grapevine or something? Seriously, its causing problems here at the diner and even if I know that Colonello-Taichou doesn't mind—there are innocent bystanders here and I don't want to risk them."

A smooth gentle laugh greeted Tsunayoshi's softly spoken rant and he found himself unconsciously relaxing. Being confronted by strangers demanding one thing or another has been taking a toll on his self-control but conversing with the Nono always soothed something inside of him.

"Oh mio caro bambino, how amusing your days have become then. How have you been dealing with your daily woes then, Il mio fiammella?"

Tsuna couldn't help but groan at the endearment. "GrandPa please—don't give me any more nicknames. Your men already call me things—soon they'll be inventing even weirder labels than those that Reborn bears."

"Oh? Do tell me what they say. What do the men in our family call you when I am not around Decimo?"

Tsuna rolled his eyes in resignation as he mumbled, " L'erede giovanile."

The sound of the old man's laughter echoed through the phonelines and Tsuna couldn't help the smile that bloomed on the corner of lips as well. It was patently ridiculous how the simplest things made such a powerful man laugh and smile.

When the old man spoke, there was a melancholic quality to the wizened voice…a gravity that lent a depth to his simply worded thoughts.

"Ma, che è perfetto! You most certainly are a youthful heir, Decimo. You most certainly are. You will bring new blood eh—nuova linfa—new life, do you understand, mio caro? Once you are Decimo—the Vongola will walk with pride once more…you will bring us nuovo inizio—a new start."

Tsuna couldn't help but blush at the old man's praise and though he knows well enough that he couldn't be seen—something tells him the old man knows that he is flustered. When the old man chuckled in his ear once more, he grew more certain of the fact. He was about to move the conversation along when the Nono declared:

"My son is coming to see you."

The statement rattled in his brain and for a moment Tsunayoshi lost his equilibrium. He struggled to gain his footing once more and sputtered at the old man, "Your son?! Old man—if you have a kid—then why the hell did you drag my ass into your crazy rabbit-hole to take over your migraine-inducing job?" A thought then surfaced in his mind and immediately he had to ask, "Oh dear gods—does he hate me for taking something that should be his?"

"Of course not."

"Why couldn't you make him take it? Couldn't you have done what every nepotistic asshole has done since time immemorial and bequeathed your mad office to your kid?"

"Wish I could do that, I'm sure you would've wanted such a resolution but alas, our Famiglia has strict—very strict, perhaps I should say extremely rigid and exacting specifications for who would be eligible in inheriting the position of Head of the Family. Besides, I am sure you are already quite certain of your position in the matter, right?"

"Whatever gave you that idea? What in god's name did I do to make you think that? But you still haven't answered me Old Man—why couldn't your kid do this job? Didn't he want it?"

"Certainly he was willing to take over had there been no other candidate but he is well aware that being adopted excluded him from immediate consideration. One of those conditions I mentioned states that only a blood-relative might inherit and so lucky for us, you are a direct descendant."

"Adopt—your son is adopted?"

"Yes."

"Why did you?"

"Because it was the right thing to do. And because I have lost all my sons."

"Sons? GrandPa you—you've lost more than one?" Tsuna murmured quietly, knowing how much pain a death could be for someone let alone more than that. Hayato has never gotten over the death of his beloved mother. He couldn't fathom the pain that Nono must've born with the loss of all his blood-children.

"Well, I used to have children—three blood-related ones but unfortunately…tragically they all passed on. My fourth son—he is the fourth in order, is the adopted one. Yes well as I was saying, he is on his way there. He came close to do a job and he is en route to pay his respects. I hope that the two of you will grow close and work well together."

Tsuna smiled gently and his tone softened instinctively as he tried to inject some levity into the strangely sorrowful pause that bloomed between him and the old man.

"Sure, I can do that GrandPa. Can you tell me anything about him? His name? What he looks like?"

This time the old man's voice was once again jovial, "Ah well, you won't miss him—him and the people he hangs out with are impossible to miss—kinda like the opposite of your merry band of men—and his name is Xan—BEEP!"

He wasn't even aware that he cut the call abruptly. Tsunayoshi's sole focus was on the group of men that strode into the diner with wild feral grace. Half a minute passed and the entire diner was empty save for the taichou, I-pin, Tsunayoshi and his unwanted guests.

The leader of the men need no introduction—there was no fear of his right to be in command being questioned or challenged. His men arrayed themselves around him like lounging wolves just waiting for the signal to start the hunt.

The man himself stalked towards Tsunayoshi with unmistakable intent. When he was close enough for Tsunayoshi to feel his body heat, he open thin pale lips and a voice that seemed to come from the very depths of the night issued forth growling his dominance and power.

"Sawada Tsunayoshi. I found you at last."

Tsuna gulped and tried to muster his resolve. He was at least on familiar territory and he refused to yield and be intimidated. Squaring his shoulders, he lifted his chin and stared right back into crimson-hued orbs. "Xanxus. To what do I owe the questionable pleasure of your company?"

Xanxus stepped another pace closer and lifted a hand to brush a lock of hair away from Tsuna's forehead. "I am the Leader of Varia. I am here to pay my respect to the Vongola Decimo what else? And inform him of my intent to fulfill my sworn duties."

Tsuna blinked. "What?"

Xanxus allowed himself to chuckle at the delightful picture of confusion the young heir made. With a flick of his hand, a big chair was brough forward and Tsuna wondered briefly where they got it when he recognized it as the same chair that he saw in the penthouse suite of the hotel where he had been taken.

Huh. Guess he brings his own throne. Who knew?

Gathering his wayward thoughts, Tsuna tried to formulate a more suitable response for this unexpected turn of event—well other than giving in to the desire to wail in despair that is.

"As I was saying, I am the Head of the Varia—the Vongola Assassination Group. These are my men. You will know of them more during your Inheritance Ceremony."

This time Tsuna made no plans to control his panic. He gave his emotions carte blanche and simply sat back to watch the resulting train wreck.

"What?! You're the—assassination group?!"he shrieked.

Xanxus merely smirked at the vocal display of the young heir. He found to his utter amusement, that anything and everything the lithe young man seemed oddly alluring. "Indeed. But that's not the best thing."

Tsuna stared at Xanxus with a confusing mix of apprehension and hope in his russet eyes. "There's a best thing here?

Xanxus nodded, giving the young man a reassuring smile. Well—what he thought as reassuring at least. He did wonder afterwards why the young Decimo paled even more after his offer of encouragement.

"Of course. The Varia also acts as unofficial security detail for Head of the Vongola Famiglia. We are the Vongola's Shadow Squad."

"S-security d-detail?! S-s-shadow—!"

"Yes. What it means, Tsunayoshi—is that you and I will be in close, constant, company. You will never be able to run away from me ever again."

Tsuna never punched a series of numbers so fast in his entire life before.

"I take it back. The Old Man can have this family business back. I don't think this is a career option for me. He can have my father. He can keep him. I will not even convince my mother to divorce him. Tell him he can have my idiot father and to let him keep that job that he wants so badly. I quit—I am resigning. Do you understand I can't do this job!"

"I can't do that Dame-Tsuna. You didn't deny them when they made that announcement after your job interview, remember? As far as the Underworld is concerned the decision has been made. There's no backing out of this now."

Reborn's smooth cool tones flowed through the phone lines like fine wine and Tsuna wished in the depths of his heart that he had a vat of spirits to drown his smug, obviously smirking mentor.

"You are not listening to me—I cannot do this job if being head of this Famiglia means I will have Xanxus and his merry band of mad men as my security detail. He will frighten off everyone I know—well perhaps not everyone—and I don't really want to think of what might happen if he and Hibari-senpai cross paths."

Reborn merely tutted in gentle reprimand. "I have no doubt he would take pleasure in it. I assure you, your fierce Skylark would benefit from it as well. He would revel in the challenge."

Tsuna nearly wept in frustration as his hands tightened convulsively on his mobile, the fragile plastic and metal groaning from the strain.

"I didn't know the entire goal of my existence was to provide avenues of violence for Hibari-senpai. That aside—that's not the point I'm trying to make here Reborn! This is my life—no, worse than that it is my virtue on the line! The Old Man's demented son is acting possessive over me and with the kind of friends I have—things would only end up one way—in massive loss of limbs, life and bloodshed. I will not be responsible to leveling an entire town just to pacify the lunatics that I have in my life!"

"I do understand you concern and I do sympathize with the colorful, rambunctious bunch you have collected over the years but the matter stands—your Inheritance Ceremony is already in the works. There is no backing out now."

Tsuna sputtered in shock. "That's impossible—! You told me yourself that the Inheritance Ceremony will take place on my 21st birthday and I just turned 18 last week! I have three years left! Do you hear me—three years! You have three years left to find someone else—train some other poor soul or convince the Old Man's son that he is the best man to take on the job!"

"Sadly that's not possible anymore Tsunayoshi—the invitation has been sent out already. And we couldn't possibly cause an international incident by offending every Famiglia in the world by withdrawing our invitations. It would be unseemly and moreover terribly rude!"

Tsuna heard the tell-tale sound of paper being shuffled around and he nearly hurled his phone but saner minds prevailed and he tried once more to muster enough composure and guts to see things through. He simply cannot give in. His life was on the line!

"Rude?! You're concerned about offending a bunch of sanctimonious, crusty organizations that I personally and quite frankly don't even want to know about but you don't care that I want to call it quits because you keep dismissing things that drive me crazy. And by the way—what is the deal with the over-the-top invitations? My supposed-Inheritance Ceremony isn't for another three years! You're sending them out way too early!"

"Actually, we're kind of late already. This kind of ceremony takes time. And speaking of time-you need to get back on schedule and deal with those ruffians. If the Varia intervenes, I fear the damage might grow quite substantial. Honestly—can't they figure out these things for themselves?"

Tsuna sobbed in frustration and wished he never—ever heard the word 'Italy'.

"I cannot keep apologizing to Hibari-senpai. Soon enough, if I'm unlucky he might demand my first-born as payment—with my luck he just might demand my life. Gods so help me—if I see another one of these bozos coming in here I will be demanding that my idiot sire do something about it."

"Yes. Well, I didn't advice you to do so. I'm sure you can persuade him to assist you in this matter. That is broadly speaking part of his function as head of CEDEF."

The statement short-circuited Tsuna's mind for a full minute. Was it possible? Was there hope in the offing?

"What? Reborn, what did you say?"

"Well, among the responsibilities and privileges of the Famiglia Head is that he could avail the services and counsel of the CEDEF especially with matters that have no direct bearing with the running of the Famiglia. They are, after all, an impartial party and designated as such but they are still part of the structure of our organization."

"And the Varia?" he whimpered in supplication.

"The Varia was created to deal with matters too sordid or complicated for any legal means to address. Sad to say, even during these enlightened times, some things can only be resolved through the judicious displays of strength. They also function, among their varied duties, as additional and secret security for the Head. They are the ones tasked with preventing hostile take-overs and assassination attempts since they are immensely and uniquely qualified for such tasks."

"So, let me get this straight—if I take the job I can fire my father or retire his annoying ass, make him stay with my mother until he is decrepit and hopefully less annoying and deal with all the other extraneous matters that pertain to being with the Famiglia and have him be my official liaison to the Varia so that I never have to deal with them ever again or unless I desperately have to?"

"Absolutely. You are the heir to the Famiglia. Once you have gone through the Inheritance Ceremony and become Vongola Decimo—they will all be under your command." The smug tones of Reborn's voice was practically a living entity emerging from the construct of plastic and thin metal chips.

Tsuna closed his eyes and gave himself a short, sharp nod.

"Fine. I'm taking the job."

"Good. I knew you would."

"And when I'm the boss, I will really fire your ass as my tutor, Reborn." Tsuna groused, already anticipating the migraine coming ahead.

"Better yet, I'll do you a favor and resign, deal?"

"Deal. But you will stay with me, right?"

"Of course, Idiot-Tsuna. Just try to get rid of me and you'll see all the levels of hell I could put you through."

"Well, that's reassuring."

"Can't have a dame-tuna swimming in dangerous waters, now could I?"

"That's a really mean thing to say Reborn."

"I know. That's why I said it. No one else would."

"You really think I could do this Reborn?"

"You willing to work at it?"

"Of course."

"Then you'll be fine. Trust me."

"Okay. I suppose that's it then."

"Yes. Don't worry, you can't fail. Now say it. You have to say it to yourself so that you can get over the shock and fear you still carry with you."

"Do I have to?" Tsuna whined even as he knew he was simply stalling.

"Just do it Dame-Tsuna. I don't have all day."

"Of course you do. You have all the coming days."

"So make them count. Spit it out brat."

"Fine." Tsuna took a deep breath and murmured hurried. "My name is Sawada Tsunayoshi and I am going to be a Mob Boss!"

"You suck. That's a lousy introduction."

"Hey!"

"That's no good. Try again."

"Fine."

"You sure about it this time."

"Yes."

"Go on then. Let me be the first one to hear it properly."

"Hello. My name is Sawada Tsunayoshi. I am Vongola Decimo."

"Good. That will do, Little Tuna. That will do."

***OWARI***