With every inch of my body, I remain calm and collected as I enjoy watching Wasabi's flustered face. It'll be hard not to bully or tease the guy, especially since he's this expressive. No one will expect this from Wasabi, people will assume he's the calm, collected, and daring guy. In reality, he's a cuddly bear that is not too excited for any trouble.

Wasabi blinks a few times, wondering where the question come from.

"How come you want to know?" he asks, taking a few sips of his water.

"Oh, so you do know something about that matter." I smile. Learning anything new about Tadashi has become a weird hobby of mine. Maybe I should tone it down a bit? But how can I when the answer to the question I've been asking myself these couple of weeks is right in front of me!

Wasabi rubs his neck and avert his eyes around, as if he's putting his life in danger if he spilled anything about the subject.

"Again, why do you want to know? Isn't that something you should ask him and not me?"

Before I can reply, the waitress comes with our lunches. Wasabi visibly sighs in relief. I'm not sure if it was because of the hunger or the conversation. Once she left, I quickly bring my subject back into action.

"If I can't have a decent conversation with him, what makes you think he will respond to the question? C'mon, help a brother out, why don't ya?" I plead, dramatically clasping my hands together and give him my best puppy-dog eyes.

Wasabi slightly wince, I can see him struggling, whether he shall spill the beans or keep himself from gossiping about his friend behind his back. In defeat, he sighs and takes an onion ring.

"Promise you won't tell?"

"I promise!"

Victory!

He takes a bite from the fried vegetable and composes himself. "Tadashi isn't really the type to be chasing after girls" He starts. "but when we were younger, probably around middle school, he had a huge crush on Gogo.

I can feel my jaw drop from the sudden reveal. Tadashi and Gogo? Did he tell her, did she knew? Did they go out? Did they…do things together?

My face immediately flush when I imagine younger Tadashi and Gogo skipping class just to meet somewhere to kiss. Or maybe-

"He never told her until late high school, as something to joke about. And Gogo said she never noticed. And I believe her, Tadashi hid his feelings pretty well. And he didn't seem interested in going out with her either, he just couldn't stop talking to me about her." Wasabi chuckles.

I chuckle as well, hiding my sigh of relief. For some reason, it would have disturbed me if those two were an item. If those two were-

I stop myself from thinking too much. It seriously became a nasty habit for me thinking about Tadashi's personal love life. I don't understand why it would disturb me so much, to the point where it'll make me feel nauseous.

"Does he still have feelings towards her?" I ask naturally, surprising myself that I didn't sound too anxious about the answer.

"Nope." Wasabi answers back after chewing his burger.

Another sense of relief.

"Later during high school, I think freshman year, he had a thing for Honey Lemon.

What.

"And so did she."

What?!

"But they were never an item, I think Tadashi was worried about possibly ruining their friendship so he never made a move on her. I don't know about Honey but I'm sure she thought the same way."

I can feel my stomach doing summersaults at every word in those sentences. It's getting hard keeping my calm and collected posture.

I let out a laugh, surprising myself, and take a sip of my milkshake. "I can't believe my bro had a thing for those two." I chuckle, shaking my head. So it's true, there's no doubt that maybe Tadashi thought about those two as he watched those videos. I can feel the milk not settling well in my stomach.

Wasabi chuckles, covering his mouth. "I told you he wasn't the type to be chasing after girls himself. It made sense that he ended up interested with the girls that were already close to him. Besides, it's common to crush over friends, I bet everyone in our group crushed over each other but in the end, we're best off as friends."

I can hear the gratitude in his voice, as if he's thankful that everyone can still be together peacefully, no possible break-ups or fights endangering their circle.

I smile back, somehow sharing that same gratitude with him but for a different, and maybe selfish, reason.

~OoO~

After finishing our lunch, we decided to study as well for the Bio test. Because of my question, Wasabi started sharing stories about him and his friends when they were younger. He commented how he felt bad bringing the stories up in front of Fred, since he joined the circle in the beginning of freshman year. I can see that but knowing Fred, he will just be excited and happy to hear those stories.

Right now, I'm walking my way to the outdoor mall, heading towards the bookstore. I invited Wasabi but he needed to head back to work on his own project. I swear, I need to make hell to whatever professor assigned that project.

I occupy my head with what I learn about Tadashi today. I wanted to ask if Tadashi still had feelings for Honey but at that moment it felt too much. Now I'm drowning with regret not asking Wasabi that, it wouldn't have been too weird or suspicious.

Suspicious.

Why suspicious? What am I making this a big deal? Every kid in this planet has been curious about their sibling's past interests or relationships at some point. Their reason: black mail material or just something to tease them about. But none of those were mine reasons, mine is different. I wanted to know so I can figure out what's going on in Tadashi's head as he watched those videos. I wanted to know who he fantasized about when he watched those pornographic videos.

I stop at my track, causing a man to bump against me and send me a quick glare before continuing his walk.

Is that really it? Am I really intrigued about Tadashi's thoughts as he jerked off? But why?! Why am I so curious, so infatuated about what he thinks?!

I touch my cheek, it's warm and soft. I don't like how warm it is.

I'm so weird, I'm so gross, what's wrong with me?

I can feel a tear sliding down my cheek, meeting my fingertips. I quickly rub them away and went inside the nearest store. I need to relax, regain myself. I'm completely losing it!

"Hello! Welcome back!"

I look up to see a familiar girl with twin tails. I look around my area and I see that I went inside the boutique from last time. I never thought I'll see her again, especially how she embarrassed me in front of Tadashi. I take a quick look of her and this time she's wearing a black frilled skirt with a white, sleeveless blouse that hugged her pudge and chest nicely.

I give her a small, hesitant smile.

"Hey…"

She gleams up and steps closer. "How can I help you? Are you looking for anything specific?"

I rapidly shake my head. What to do, it'll be weird if I just walk out! And I don't want her to think that I'm here to buy a dress like she assumed last time.

"Urm… I mean, can you show me where the guys clothes are? I never got the chance to see it…"

She nods happily and leads me to the section, informing me about their deals and sales they're having. The section is all the way in the back and for some reason, it kinda annoyed me how small it was.

"If you need anything, please don't hesitate to ask!" she smiles brightly. I know she means well and she's no jerk, but her bright, cherry attitude is annoying me so much. It's like I'm staring right at the Sun and the Sun happens to be the sweetest being alive.

"Thank you." I nod, already pretending to be interested on the clothes in front of me.

"I'm sorry about last time..."

I turn my head to look at her but she's already walking her way to another customer. I guess that event was embarrassing for her as it was for me.

I went back staring at the clothes, trying to remember why I was here in the first place.

"Why am I being so stupid." I mumble to myself, picking up a baby blue sweater.

Am I really that dependent of Tadashi? Does it really take him to ignore me just a bit for me to self-destruct?

I inspect the sweater a bit, enjoying the soft fabric.

I really miss Tadashi…

I take the sweater to the check-out, pay it and wave at the girl good-bye as I leave the store.

I want him with me, right now.