Well here we are once more. It's time once again to join the Merchant of Ham's adventures as the trip to Tolbana continues. When we last parted with our intrepid group, a freak accident after the battle with the toads caused the bonus objective for the mission to Tolbana to be lost! Will the girls continue to give their all to protect Lyrista when there is no more benefit to perfect protection? Let's find out! Also I'm sorry it takes so long in between chapters. Working a full time job doesn't give me a lot of time to write, especially that I need a good nights rest to be in any condition to face the next day. Add in my other hobbies and there just isn't time. Plus I'm a procrastinator by nature so that doesn't help. Still I appreciate my readers loyalty, watching the views go up keeps me going when the juices of my motivation aren't flowing. Thank you for your patronage!

Sword Art Online

The Npc Experience

Chapter 9: An Awkward Encounter

I continued to stare up into the uncaring sky, as if trying to find the meaning of my existence as I tuned out the girl's bickering as they argued about who's fault it was that they had failed the bonus objective to keep me untouched.

Why me CARDINAL, why must you torment me so? I stifled an annoyed sigh and climbed to my feet. Laying around sulking wasn't going to get anything done. Alight my battle monkeys, it's time to do my bidding!

"Please my friends, there's no need to bicker. I'm sure my little mishap is nothing more than an unfortunate accident! Let us move on before our amphibian aggressors return once more!" I prodded with a smile as the girls averted their gazes blushing slightly, embarrassed at bickering in front of what they thought was a computer program.

"Errrr right! You're absolutely right Mr. Lyrista! Let's get going!" Cocoa urged as she shooed us onward and we resumed our journey. I kept a much closer eye out for the Wild Toads, I have no desire to end up on the lunch menu thank you very much. My inability to keep up and my lagging situational awareness made it PAINFULLY clear that I was by no means cut out for combat. Not to mention the paranoid concern that now that there wasn't a bonus objective on the line anymore my guards might not be so zealous anymore….

That worry soon proved unfounded and not to mention made me feel more than a little guilty when after several more encounters with Wild Toads the girls guard and watch over me had increased substantially. It was during the second encounter that something surprising happened, I watched the girls fight staying well back from the melee, hyper alert for another tongue lash attack from the toads when a blinking icon at the corner of my view caught my attention.

A log alert? I realized I had several backlogged and hadn't even realized it. Had I been so on edge from the trip I had stopped paying attention. When I saw that the melee was winding down as the group killed the final mobs I opened my stockpiled alerts.

My mouth dropped open as I scrolled through a rather substantial list. They were monster drops! A lot of them as well! Quickly cross checking them with my memory I realized they were common drops from all the various monsters my guards had killed so far. It didn't look like all kills dropped items, but a fair number of them had, including a number of Toad Legs from the wild toads in the area. Wait so if I'm with a group of players while they hunt I can get drops from their kills? Or was it only during escort quests? Or did it work with just partying with them? My mind whirled with the possibilities. None of these drops were anything amazing, they were all common drops after all, but this opened up so much possible potential! I couldn't help but smirk devilishly at the possibilities this would…..

"Mr. Lyrista?" Cocoa's voice reached my ears as I jerked in surprise waving the window away from my vision to see the girls staring at me with confused and slightly concerned expressions, "Umm…. What are you doing?"

Urrrkkk they caught me being a weirdo again! Why the hell do I keep doing this in front of players! My Argo's guide entry is going to get even stranger! I hurriedly coughed and said the first excuse that came to mind as I materialized several of the rather large Toad Legs and held them up with a dramatic flourish as the girls cringed away from the wet, fleshy, and rather…. ick…. fragrant appendages.

"Sorry my dear, I was just collecting some of these fine specimens! Toad Leg meat is considered a fine delicacy in these parts and I'll no doubt gain a marvelous price for these wonderful examples. I can't thank you enough for helping me to collect these!"

Mint made a sheepish noise of agreement taking a subtle step back, "Ah…. I see….. that's good….. right?" she glanced an aside at Kiara and muttered, "Toad Legs? People eat those?" Willingly? Mr. Lyrista sure is an odd one…."

I plastered an innocent smile on my face, struggling not to react to the metaphorical stab wound of Mint's words as Kiara nodded with a strained smile. Cocoa chuckled weakly, trying to be polite as she urged us onward as we continued toward Medai while I trudged along behind them after stuffing the Toad Legs back into my inventory while doggedly trying to forget the… smell.

Damn it Kayaba why did you have to program smell so realistically! I sighed internally as we continued or hike toward Medai Village. Thankfully the number of Wild Toads thinned out as we got closer and soon we reached the village outskirts. In the corner of my vision the words Safe Zone appeared bringing with them a wave of relief as I was finally able to relax my guard. Good lord this was a lot more nerve wracking than I thought it would be. How do those Isekai Protagonists deal with this? I suppose having the security of their Godlike OP skills to fall back on made going out less of a struggle. I turned to my guards and flashed them my most winning smile.

"Here we are at last my dear friends! Welcome to Medai Village! It was quite the perilous trek but we completed the first leg of our trip safely! If I could trouble you to allow us to visit the local shop, I have a quick delivery I must make!" I wanted to offload some of my drops and replenish my funds, not to mention I needed a breather to calm my nerves before we went back out into the wilds.

The girls held a quick discussion at my request. Being an NPC sure is convenient, Players will talk about all sort of things in front of me without a care! Soon after they agreed and we set out into the village. It was a quaint little village, humble wooden houses that you might find situated out in the countryside. I discreetly kept an eye on my minimap and soon noticed the largest building in the village was labeled as an Adventurer Guild. They have one all the way out here in this minor village? I'd expect to see something like that in the City of Beginnings honestly.

My curiosity now perked I let the girls to it and stepped inside. We were quickly assaulted by a wave of bustling noise of people as we were greeting by the sight of what looked pretty much like the stock Light Novel version of an Adventurer Guild. Complete with pretty receptionists and all! How… original. Yet this place according to my map also doubled as the town item shop as well. According to what I remember from Argo's guide this place was a source of hunting quests for the mobs in the region. As I glanced around the room I could help but feel a nagging sense of familiarity. Had I seen this place somewhere before?

No this wasn't the time to let my mind wander, most of the other receptionists were engaged talking to other NPCs and a couple of players, but I noticed one that was currently unattended and stepped up to greet her. As I opened my mouth to begin my spiel I was once again assaulted by another nagging sense of deja vu. This receptionist was familiar as well! I could of sworn I seen her somewhere before…. She was an older woman who exuded a big sister aura, had wavy blond hair tied back in a bun and golden eyes. She was wearing a red ribbon around her neck and wore a white off the shoulder low cut top that well showed off her abundant… *cough* personality that… I felt my thoughts cut off as I could feel three piercing stares boring a hole into my back as I hurriedly cleared my throat and fixed my gaze upon the familiar receptionist's face.

"Salutations and greetings my good receptionist!" I exclaimed with a beaming smile, "I, Lyrista the Merchant have come with a delivery of goods to grace your fine establishment with!" the receptionist seemed to start with confusion for a brief moment before smiling in recognition as I heard a chime ring in my ears.

"Oh, you must be the one bringing the supplies we needed! I'm relived you've arrived, we were just about to run out." she said before bobbing a quick bow of gratitude doing rather interesting things to… I hurriedly tore my gaze away again before a window suddenly popped up into my view.

Merchant Quest

Special Delivery!

The kitchens of Medai Village's Adventurer Guild have run out of Wild Toad Legs! Deliver 25 Wild Toad Legs to Luna the Receptionist and be richly rewarded!

Wait what? There was a quest for Wild Toad legs after all? But I just made it up as an excuse! This guild only does Hunting Quests, not Gathering Quests! What's going on here? The girls standing behind me didn't seem to react beyond a quiet discussion, it looks like only I got this quest. It didn't mention what the reward was but I found myself intrigued anyway, fortunately I had enough drops from earlier to meet the quota. I quickly accepted and turned them over.

Luna flashed her professional smile as she accepted the items. "Marvelous! All items are accounted for. It's a relief that we were able to find a supplier in you on such short notice Mr. Lyrista. We'll continue to rely on you in the future! We'll see that you get your fee for your services."

Another chime ringed in my ears as my log informed me that the quest was complete, but I didn't see any rewards listed in the log. Wait that's it! That's not fair damn it! It was then a new icon appeared on my HUD, indicating that I now had a buff applied. When I focused my gaze on it I could see an explanation.

**Medai Village Supplier**

Receiving 1% cut on profit of all items bought by Players at Medai Village Adventurer Guild

Time remaining: 7 days

Incredible… I never imagined I could do something like this! Somehow by pure chance my words had triggered a quest with this shop and now I was being treated as a supplier for it. Even if it was only temporary this could have incredible earning potential if I timed things right in the future! Even 1% of sales could add up over thousands of players!

"Mr. Lyrista? Is there anything else I can help you with?" Luna's voice cut into my racing thoughts and brought me back to the present. Whoops! I can't let my mind wander now!

"Oh, sorry my dear, I didn't mean to hold up the line. Allow me to sell these items to you." I hurriedly queued up my remaining drop items from earlier to sell. As I was finishing up another voice interrupted from the side.

"Isn't that the weirdo Merchant Guy? What's he doing all the way out here?" I heard the voices of players say as I was finishing up the transaction with Luna. I kept my focus on her, pretending that this wouldn't be something I would react to as an NPC. I vaguely recognized them, I think I've seen these guys with Kiabou before though I couldn't place their names at the moment. I pretended to continue to ignore the conversation as Cocoa, Kiara, and Mint quickly distracted them as they began to chat. The girls were polite but guarded as they explained they were on a Quest in the area and that I was a part of it.

The guys were naturally curious and tried to wheedle more information out of them but the girls held their ground and said they'd sell the information to Argo later once they figured this escort quest out. The guys winced sympathetically at the dreaded words of the escort quest but seemed to accept that easily enough, clearly gamers themselves. They offered to help out but the girls waved them off, clearly not wanting to deal with a group of young men trying to hit on the team of cute girls. Not that I could blame them, some of those looks they were giving them were a little… creepy.

I cleared my throat roughly as I turned to the group and flashed the cheesiest grin I could. "Thank you for waiting, my delivery is complete and I am ready to depart. Shall we be off my friends?" without waiting for a response I turned and made my way to the door as the girls followed in a rush, shouting apologetic excuses over their shoulders to the crestfallen guys as they used my departure to escape the conversation. Thankfully the guys seemed to be able to take a hint as they didn't bother us further to the obvious relief of my guards. As we made it outside a thought occurred as I turned to them.

"Do you have everything you need to continue? I'm afraid Tolbana is still a ways away and we won't have much chance to restock." I said as the girls quickly scanned their inventories. We did leave the guild in a hurry and it was the only shop in the village. I'd hate to get them away from lonely horny gamers just to get us all killed in the wilderness because I hustled them out before they got a chance to resupply.

"Not to worry Mr. Lyrista. We still have plenty of potions and our equipment durability is A-Ok. We're ready when you are!" Cocoa said as the others nodded in agreement, clearly having no desire to go back in there. We quickly set off again to avoid other players confirming our route as we continued our way north through the floor.

The next few hours of hiking was fairly uneventful, but I was at least grateful that our digital bodies in SAO didn't have to deal with getting footsore. Though it was strangely worrying that I didn't seem to grow physically fatigued no matter how long we walked. Eventually we finally reach the valley area near the center of the floor. We had stopped so that the girls could take a breather and organize their items, quietly chatting as they did so while studying their copies of Argo's guide. I was able to take advantage of their distraction to do the same while sitting and facing away from them to disguise what I was doing.

I compared what I could see on the map to the visuals that I could see. The moutain ranges made it difficult to be sure but I could see an indistinct shape in the distance that appeared to be stretching into the sky and ceiling of what was the bottom of the Second Floor. Could this be the Labyrinth Tower? Checking the time I could tell we were well into the afternoon but there was still at least several hours of daylight left. At my suggestion we had been avoiding groups of others players, the girls agreeing as they didn't want to potentially have to give up their claim on the information for Tolbana before they could find it and we had made good time thanks to it.

Surveying the valley region I tried to spot any mobs I could but didn't see any. It looks like Argo's notes about the valley being monster free were accurate after all. It was inside the field dungeons where things might get messy with the more confined spaces. Still it was only Kobold Grunts in the field dungeons so it shouldn't be too bad just yet. Once we got through the dungeon I could now see off in the distance we'd get to the hard part. Navigating the unexplored area to try to find Tolbana… Oops, it sounds like the girls are done getting ready. I quickly stowed away my guide and made a show of studying the ruins off in the distance.

"Ready to go Mr. Lyrista? We're going to adjust our formation inside the dungeon so please stay behind us as we go. We'll get you through this so don't worry one bit." Cocoa said as we descended down into the valley.

"Of course my dear, I leave my safety in you and your friend's capable hands." I exclaimed dramatically with a smile which they all laughed sheepishly at as we made our way into the cave. I took a deep calming breath as my eyes adjusted to the lighting of the underground field dungeon. The girls lit a torch and with a flash of inspiration I volunteered to be the bearer of it, freeing them up to focus on fighting which they accepted gratefully as we cautiously made our way into the dungeon. Unlike the more open fields the dungeon didn't allow us a lot of room to maneuver and the thought of getting flanked and cut off was making me tense.

I kept a firm eye out, as did my guards but strangely enough we didn't seem to encounter a single Kobold much less any sort of mob at all. Did somebody come by here recently? This is the main route to the labyrinth so maybe someone cleared this area out and the mobs hadn't respawned yet. Strangely enough this was actually more unsettling than having to fight our way through, just creeping through the passage… waiting for the telltale sound of a monster spawning… directly in our formation… or right behin

My internal horror movie narration cut itself off as we could hear the quiet echoing of footsteps of someone approaching us from ahead in the dungeon. The person came into view and we beheld a young black haired boy wearing a blue shirt, black pants, and a chest protector armor piece. He was carried slung over his shoulder an unconscious girl wrapped in a sleeping bag over his shoul….. oh god it was Kirito. What the hell was going on? Why was this even happening already? It was too early damn it! Are things butterflying already?

Any further thoughts were interrupted by Cocoa's angry yell as all three of them raised their weapons threateningly.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO THAT GIRL YOU PERVERTED BASTARD!"

Kirito promptly froze with a wide eyed deer in the headlights expression his mouth flapping open soundlessly as the girls advanced on him with murderous expressions. Oh dear… I think I better save him shouldn't I?

**Chapter End**

"HOLD THE IT RIGHT THERE DAMN IT!" the man known as Lyrista roared as he stood in an empty void of darkness, "This wasn't supposed to be a story about Kirito! You're going to turn this into a generic Harem story after all! This was your plan from the beginning!" At these words blue stakes of power formed in the air and lashed out into the void.

Cold feminine cackling echoed into the stillness of the void as the darkness shimmered and formed into the shape of a young looking red headed twin tailed girl who appeared to be roughly 13 years of age with glowing red eyes. Wearing a shimmering cloak of darkness she floated unafraid of the oncoming blue stakes as she folded her arms and sneered.

"How foolish. Your head is as empty as your theories." she lazily flicked a finger and a wave of power rose to meet the blue stakes as a flash of red light smote the space in front of her. "Kirito is not a main character in this story! His actions are mere background events that will sometimes intersect with Lyrista's but they have no more importance than any other named character in these events!" LYRISTA smote down the blue stakes and sent Lyrista flying with a yelp and sent sprawling to "floor" of this empty space.

"Ugghh fine. I'll give you ten to one odds this'll get complaints anyway. Besides why are we even doing this bit anyway? Have you been reading too much Umineko again? Besides why do you even look like that anyway?" Lyrista grumbled as he climbed to his feet.

"Well this is an Umineko parody isn't it? I can hardly play as the Witch if I look like what I normally do after all." LYRISTA grinned with a sadistic smirk. "Now any other theories about the story for me to rip apart? Or will you just show the readers more of your foolishness?"

Lyrista growled and pointed at the cackling Witch with a grimace. "You're damn right I have more theories, first of all, what's going to happen next is..."

"Oh I'm sorry, we're fresh out of time. Until next chapter my readers." LYRISTA smiled as she turned to the audience and curtsied.

"HEY! That's not fair!" Lyrista yelled but LYRISTA only blew a playful raspberry in response, "Don't care, evil!"