I can't deal with today. -_-

Or any day. '-_-

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear

bright until you hear them speak.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting

something right, there's a 90 percent probability you'll get it wrong.

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end,
someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by
those who got there first.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish
and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in the dark.

When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of
twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

How long did Ethan have to consider his death? No time, he lacked depth perception.

Did you hear about Kronos' latest trick? Ethan fell for it