"When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade!

Make life take the lemons back!

What am I supposed to do with them?

Make life rue the day it thought it could give you lemons!

Do you know who I am?

I'm the man whose gonna kick you in the balls, with lemons!"

Hello! I'm Legendary Junk Mail.

I'm an 20 years old university student, and have been both reading and writing Fanfiction for little over five years now.

I currently live in the UK, and undergoing my second year of Games Design at University, and thus starting my five year accumulation of Debt.

I'm a large fan of both Sci Fi, and Fiction in general. And read everything from Bioware's Mass Effect (obviously) to Rooster Teeth's RWBY.

Random Things I have Found on Other Profile Pages and Thought Amusing:

Copy and Paste

If you hate grammar, copy past and to this you profile

If you have ever read a 250pg book in less than one day, copy and paste this into your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading and/or writing, copy and paste this into your profile.

Useless Warning Labels

"Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife.

"Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven.

"Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." -- On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror.

"Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller.

"Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station.

"May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers.

"Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." -- From a manual for an SGI computer.

"Do not eat if seal is missing." -- On said seal.

"Always drive on roads. Not on people." -- From a car commercial which shows a vehicle "body-surfing" at a concert.

"No small children." -- On a laundromat triple washer.

"In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood, proceed uphill quickly." -- One of the emergency safety procedures at a summer camp.

"Do not use while sleeping or unconscious." -- On a hand-held massaging device.

My Stories:

Vancouver Breakout (To be rewritten)

My own idea of how ME2 should have ended and how ME3 should have started. The Shadow Broker network is nothing to scoff at, and with Miranda Lawson on Zaire's side, Shepard found the Illusive Man and replaced him. Ensuring that she has both the Intel, and the muscle she needs, with Zaeed Massani retaking the Blue Suns.

Scars Not Physical - Lose Ends Tied (On hiatus)

A collection of One-Shots based in my Scars Not Physical Universe, set after Betrayal. As the name implies, stuff from both my universe and things from Cannon that I felt were left open ended will be tied up. As well as whatever my muse decides to irritate me with.

The Betrayal (Completed)

The original work, spelling errors, plot holes and continuity fails included. Set 5 years after the Crucible fired. Zaire wakes from her coma, only to realise that the Alliance isn't as it was. Fearing her own indoctrination, and not trusting the new Alliance Admirality board, Zaire flees Earth and searches for Liara T'Soni, but the Galaxy hasn't changed.

The Undying Light (In Progress)

A Destiny and Mass Effect crossover that i keep coming back to in my head, so if figured i would put thought to keyboard. Shepard is transported to the Destiny Universe at the end of ME3. She has no memories of her previous life, and is revived as a Guardian. The story revolves around Shepard trying to figure out who she was, and stop the darkness at the same time.

An Alternative Universe of my Alternative Universe

Revenge of the Fallen (In progress)

Originally starting out as an old idea from N7 day back in 2015. This is an AU where Humanity existed in the same Cycle as the Protheans, and following a bloody on-again-off-again War, the Reapers arrived, and promptly destroyed both the Empire and the Alliance. The story begins with Captain Zaire Shepard, and the remnants of the Normandy Crew awakening 40,000 years later than expected from cryogenic sleep, to a unfamiliar galaxy in the process of being harvested. From there its a rush against time to initiate a plan culminated over three cycles, and not end up killing the primitive locals in the process.

This Story is something I've gone back over on more that one occasion to tweak, so everything's subject to change. Expect a chapter every two-to-three months or so, as I'm taking my time in the hopes of getting it right.

Features a more jaded, cybered up Shepard, a Liara who flips between a naïve archaeologist and a ruthless Information Broker, a Tali whose actually a genius with all things technical, and a Garrus with the weight of the Galaxy on his shoulders. If that sounds like your cup of tea, be sure to check it out!

Thank you all for the support and encouragement, I look forward to posting more content for you all.

~JunkMail