AN: I own nothing but this mess in my head.

"Diana. Diana, I hotwired the Batmobile."

Diana snapped awake to the the sight of Tim hovering over her with unholy glee in his eyes.

"What time is it?" she whispered.

"Four AM. Come on, I don't wanna wake Bruce."

They both glanced over to where Bruce snored, slack-jawed, left leg in a hard cast. He'd had a rough night. Killer Croc had had a worse one.

"Don't worry, Alfred dosed him with enough painkiller to down Superman." She poked at him experimentally, and then shot up straight in bed. "Tim," she said slowly, grinning like a madwoman. "Did you say what I think you said?"

Dick nearly dropped his phone. "Donna!" he hollered.

Troia ran down the stairs, laughing too hard to fly. "For the love of all of my goddesses, please tell me you got the same text I did."

"Wonder Woman texts?"

Donna looked smug. "I taught her. She likes emojis. Plus it's a lot easier to get ahold of Hermes now."

"The gods text."

"Oh, yeah. Zeus likes twitter better, though. And Aphrodite's got, like, a million followers on insta."

Nightwing wondered briefly if Donna was messing with him, and then decided that he wanted to believe too much to question it. He looked back down at the picture on his phone. Robin and Wonder Woman beamed up at him. Robin had one hand on the wheel, the other making a thumbs up. "You also taught her how to take selfies?"

"You think we got room for selfie-sticks in these costumes?"

Dick wisely didn't answer.

"Ivy?"

"Yes, Harley?"

Harley was leaning on the window, nose pressed up against the glass. "Did we do anything bad that I can't remember?"

"No, petal, it's date night."

"That's what I thought. Doesn't matter though, it already sped by us real fast."

"What did?"

"The Batmobile," she said, plopping down on the couch. "Wonder where he was going in such a hurry?"

Jim Gordon took a swig of lukewarm coffee, barely tasting it as he worked through the endless reports piled haphazardly on his desk. A slight movement caught his eye, he looked up to see one of his beat cops hovering at the door.

"Everything alright, Martinez?"

"Yes sir, it's just…"

"Spit it out."

"Robin dropped by with a couple of repeat offenders, gift-wrapped. You know how the bats do."

"I'm failing to see a point, Martinez."

"Well, he had a partner."

"New bat? Maybe a Leaguer we don't know?"

"That's just it, sir. She looked an awful lot like Wonder Woman, and she definitely looked like she could have crushed a couple skulls…"

"But?"

"She was in pjs," he blurted out. "With cupcakes on 'em."

Gordon took another sip of coffee in an attempt to keep a straight face. "Maybe she's got a sweet tooth."

Alfred surveyed his beautiful table. The china settings were spaced with exquisite precision, the flatware straight and shining as soldiers.

If only he could polish up the members of his household the same way.

Bruce, though at least freshly shaved, was sporting a black eye and a particularly hideous bruise on his right cheek. Tim slumped over his plate, eyes bloodshot and hair marvelously rumpled. And while Alfred couldn't fault her highness' posture - good breeding would out, he supposed - she looked decidedly wan. He was certain there was a bloodstain obscuring one of the cupcakes on her pajamas.

"Did I snore too loudly for you, princess?" asked Bruce mildly.

Diana startled, having devoted her attention to keeping Tim from falling into his eggs. "I beg your pardon?"

"You weren't there when I woke up this morning, I assume you found somewhere else to sleep?"

Diana, to her credit, recovered remarkably well. "You could have drowned out Hephaestus' forge. Tim couldn't sleep either, so we just watched TV downstairs."

"Is that so? What'd you guys watch?"

"Top Gear."

"MacGyver reruns."

Diana darted a look at Tim, who blinked back at her blearily. "A little of both," she said hastily.

"Can anyone confirm your alibi?" Bruce asked, in a cautious, deceptively friendly tone he used on unsuspecting criminals.

Diana and Tim looked up at Alfred beseechingly.

"Don't you drag Alfred into it," Bruce said, picking the Gotham Gazette up off the sideboard. "Care to comment?"

NEW GOTHAM HERO? BOY WONDER AIDED BY CUPCAKE CRUSADER