Uncle Qrow Wins At Life

Ruby frowned. She loved her Uncle Qrow, but she was old enough now to realise that his drinking was maybe not the best thing in the world for him. The last thing she wanted was for him to get really drunk while on a mission or something and get hurt. Still, it had been pretty awesome watching him fight Weiss's sister. Heh. Weiss might think her sister was cool, but Ruby knew her uncle was the coolest.

"Hey, kiddo." Qrow waved a bag of cookies in the air and sat next to her on the park bench. "How are you liking it here? I hope Ozpin is treating you right. Has Glynda given you one of those lectures of hers yet?"

Ruby smiled. "It's been good. I've made lots of friends, but we keep getting into trouble somehow. It's kind of weird."

"Ah, relax." Qrow handed her the cookies. "Your mom and dad were just like that at your age. Heck, the whole team was like that." He patted her on the back. "Is that sister of Winter's as stuck up as she is?"

"Uh…" Ruby took a bite out of a cookie. "Um… Weiss is… well… Weiss. Yeah."

"That so?" Qrow smirked. "I'd like to talk to her some time, maybe when her sister isn't trying to murder me. She can't be that bad if you two get along. Then again, Ozpin and Jimmy are friends. I swear it's like Jimmy has got one of his ships of his stuck up his ass sometimes."

"Jimmy?"

"General Ironwood." Qrow laughed as Ruby almost choked on her cookie. "Easy there. You're forgetting that we all go way back. I knew him before he became a general. He was just some punk kid once upon a time. He still is, I guess, except now he's got a whole damn army."

"Wow." Ruby had a hard time imagining the general as 'some punk kid'. "Uh… you know… about your drinking…?"

"Oh, that?" Qrow leaned over and whispered, "Do you want to know a secret?"

"Uh, sure."

"I'm faking it." Her uncle leaned back, and suddenly, all traces of his drunkenness were gone. Instead, he was calm, poised, and alert. "Everyone thinks I keep liquor in that flask of mine, but I don't. It's water."

"Wait – what?" Ruby gaped.

"You know me, Ruby. I like messing with people, and it's useful. The more people think I'm drunk, the more they're willing to underestimate me. And you'd be surprised by how much people are willing to say when they think you're too drunk to remember any of it." He lifted one finger to his lips. "But it's a secret, so don't tell anyone." He winked. "Besides, do you have any idea how fun it is to piss Glynda off? The only one who's anywhere near as much fun to tease is Winter. Heh. I'm two for two today, actually."

"Uncle Qrow…" Ruby giggled. "That is so evil."

"Yeah, but it's fun too." Qrow took out his flask and offered it to Ruby. "Here, have some. It really is just water."

Ruby was about to take a sip when an enraged shriek came from nearby.

"What do you think you're doing?" Glynda wailed as she stomped toward them. "Miss Rose, put that flask down now! And you!" She snarled at Qrow. "Get over here!"

"Ah, that's my cue to leave." Qrow grabbed his flask and ruffled Ruby's hair before leaping over the bench and running for it. "See you tomorrow, Ruby!"

X X X

Author's Notes

As always, I do not own RWBY, and I am not making any money off of this.

I just had to write this. Never doubt Uncle Qrow.

As always, I appreciate feedback. Reviews and comments are welcome.