AN: This is part 1 of a two-shot for the holidays. Enjoy and have a safe and happy holiday!

It happened in Paris. It wasn't supposed to happen in Paris. He hadn't even seen all he'd set out to see yet, but that was Astrid, wasn't it? She never cared about his schedule. She never cared about following the rules. Because there were rules, weren't there? They'd broken up. Hiccup was supposed to be enjoying the single life, he wasn't supposed to be comparing every girl's smile to hers. He wasn't supposed to be attracted to a woman because her laugh had that Astrid edge to it, or because she smiled without abandon, like Astrid always had.

Hiccup had come home a full three months earlier than he had intended. He'd come back to Berk, back to his disapproving father and the small-town mentality of the village he'd grown up in. He'd come back for her. He never expected her to be gone. But she was. Astrid was gone. She'd left on a one month tour of England and stayed. Six months now. Six months abroad. When Hiccup thought about it, it made him angry. Really, truly angry. Because they could have gone together. Why hadn't they gone together? Why had it been a fight then? Astrid never wanted to come with him. She never showed the slightest inclination for travel and then he leaves and she just takes off?

If Hiccup were being honest with himself, he'd realize that he wasn't angry with her. He'd remember that he'd never asked her to come with him, he'd just decided to go and Astrid had never even been a consideration. He pushed her away and now he would never forget her face that night, the way she'd stood in his room in a pair of cut-offs and a tank top, long golden arms and legs, so many freckles on her nose, unshed tears shining over too-blue eyes. God, what an idiot he'd been. What an idiot he still was. He'd thrown her away. He'd thrown Astrid Hofferson away. She hadn't just been his girlfriend, either. She was his best friend; the one person who always, always had his back. And now she was gone.

He did what anyone would do when they were alone on Christmas Eve, thinking about their ex. He opened a bottle of Jack and started going through her Facebook page. It was particularly hard because she still had all their pictures up – he did, too, but his was more from a neglectful disdain of social media, and not for any real sentimental reason. Although maybe that was a lie, a burning untruth he didn't want to face.

Hiccup didn't care what was on his Facebook page, though; he cared immensely about what was on hers. So there they were, sixteen and tiny and in love. Puppy love, his father had said. (Toothless had been offended, of course, because he'd been a puppy once and he'd never been so stupid.) It hadn't felt like puppy love, not to them. Not to Hiccup. Astrid was this golden goddess, this untouchable, unreachable deity who had deemed him worthy of her presence. And her opinions. And her kisses.

What the hell had happened? When had she become someone he'd taken for granted?

As he flipped through her photos – their photos – he could see it in his face. The way he hadn't been looking at her anymore. The way he'd been looking for something else. That moment when Berk wasn't enough for him. Hiccup closed the pictures and went specifically into the albums that she'd made on her trip. There was something about her in a raincoat in front of Buckingham Palace, looking uncomfortable and out of place, that made his heart ache. Her pinched smile told him that she hadn't been so sure about her decision, but she'd pushed forward with it anyway. Astrid was the most stubborn person he knew. Once she'd decided on something, there was no taking it back. She'd pretend to enjoy the entire trip if that meant no one could have the upper hand on her.

The first real smile he saw on her face was when she was standing with a dark haired girl in front of Stonehenge. It was a bright day, sun shining and blue sky visible behind the stones. Astrid had sunglasses on, but her smile was real. Wide and bright and easy. The next few pictures showed her with that same smile – blindingly brilliant and perfect. Hiccup found himself asking that question again – how could he have let that go? It made him smile, looking at pictures of Astrid happy. Had she been that happy with him? He honestly couldn't remember, he'd been so wrapped up in himself at the end of their relationship. He'd been more concerned with his own needs. Had she smiled that much with him then? He didn't know.

Then a picture startled him. It made his heart jump into his throat, pounding away there and making him nauseous. Astrid was perfect – a Norse goddess in a British pub – but her hand, her hand was on a man's arm. A man's massive arm. Hiccup looked for a caption to the photo, but there was none. He looked at the comments of the picture – a wildly unhelpful endeavour when he read things like Ruffnut's comment ("UPGRADE!") or Snotlout's comment ("Pfft. I can lift more than that guy. Come back to me, baby.").

Hiccup flipped forward through the pictures, his heart catching in his throat and choking him. What was this? Who was this guy? His black hair was gathered in a ponytail; his smile was smug; his arm was around Astrid in such a proprietary way. Who the hell did this guy think he was? And why the hell was Astrid letting him get away with it? She was grinning up at him, though. Big smile, hands on his arms and chest. Astrid. His Astrid.

Not his Astrid. He'd given her up. He'd set her free.

Hiccup closed the tab hastily and frantically typed in his own name. His profile picture had been the same for months – he was smiling against a backdrop of the snowy peaks of Mount Kailash, Toothless proud in his thick winter coat, tongue lolling. A childish part of Hiccup wanted to be smug about his profile picture in Tibet, but all the smugness in the world wouldn't negate the fact that Astrid had posted pictures of herself hanging off the arm of some British thug. Hiccup opened his album from Romania. It was a spiteful move because Hiccup was imagining Astrid looking at these photos of him – his own partying pictures, his own arm candy. He flipped through the pictures until he found Kasha, wildly curling dark hair caught in the wind off the Black Sea, grey eyes sultry inside smoky black liner.

Hiccup still didn't know what Kasha saw in him. If he had to guess, it was an easy green card. Their…relationship had moved too quickly, rapidly from sweet smiles on the beach to his bed in the hostel. Rapidly from the bed to conversations in broken English about where he was from and how much she's always wanted to go there. She wanted to go to Berk. But of course she didn't want to go to Berk; she wanted to leave Romania. She wanted a new life. Hiccup wasn't a complete idiot.

Thinking about Kasha wasn't exactly helping anything because now Hiccup was remembering how empty that had been, how he couldn't stop comparing what he and Kasha had to what he and Astrid had. What he'd given up. Maybe that was when it had happened. Maybe that was the beginning of the end for Hiccup, Kasha had started the end of it all.

He'd left Romania; he couldn't leave fast enough once he realized what Kasha wanted from him. He'd gone to France and tried to forget everything. Then he'd had an epiphany as he stood alone in a hotel room with one of the best views in Paris. He couldn't help thinking about how much Astrid would have liked the view. He couldn't help thinking about being in Paris with Astrid. He couldn't stop thinking about Astrid. He'd bought a ticket home that day.

Hiccup closed his laptop and stared out the window. Big, thick flakes of snow had started to fall. He'd been home for a month with no sign of Astrid, no hint that she was even considering coming home. And why would she if she had some hulking Brit to keep her warm? Maybe she was in Paris now, with someone else. It was Christmas Eve and Astrid wasn't in Berk. Her mother must be furious.

Hiccup was on his feet before he could think about it because sitting in his bedroom, alone on Christmas Eve, thinking about his ex-girlfriend wasn't exactly healthy behaviour. Toothless raised his head and Hiccup nodded at the dog and they were both headed down the stairs and out the front door. It was colder than Hiccup had anticipated and he jammed his hands into his coat pockets, hands curled into tight fists. Toothless padded along beside him, silent and stealthy as always, black as pitch against the whiteness of the fallen snow. Hiccup didn't know where he was going, but he had to get away from his laptop. He had to get away from his phone. From his life.

The streets of Berk were empty. Of course they were empty. It was late in the night on Christmas Eve. People were with their families, warm by the fire, cozy by the tree. Hiccup and Stoick didn't have a tree this year. Their presents to each other weren't things that could be wrapped. There was nothing Christmassy in the Haddock household. Hell, Stoick wasn't even home. There was some event at the hospital, something involving the pediatric wing, something that required the mayor of Berk to be in attendance on Christmas Eve instead of being home with his only son. Even though Hiccup knew it was petty and selfish and horrible, he resented those kids. He resented anyone who took up Stoick's attention. He resented himself for resenting small children. It was ridiculous.

Hiccup walked without reason or purpose. He walked through the empty streets, heavy snowflakes resting in his hair, on his shoulders, biting into his cheeks. He walked until he found himself standing in front of Raven's Point, Berk's only fine dining restaurant. How many times had he brought Astrid here? Every anniversary, every time something good happened. The last time he'd brought her here was when he'd purchased his ticket to Nepal.

Hiccup pressed his naked palm against the frigid glass. "What an idiot," he muttered to himself.

If he had been paying any attention to her at all, he would have realized that she wasn't happy for him. She'd been pretending. It was almost like she'd known what was coming. They'd broken up a week later.

Toothless whined from beside him and nosed his free hand in his pocket. Absently, Hiccup pulled his hand out and stroked the dog's head. Toothless pulled out of his grip, dancing away playfully.

"Toothless, what—"

The words died on his tongue as her turned away from the window and saw that he wasn't alone in the street anymore. Coming down the street, away from the bus station, dragging luggage behind her was Astrid. Toothless shot down the street and Hiccup could hear her laughter echoing through the empty street, bouncing off store windows. His smile was involuntary. His heart was pounding, the blood pulsing through his eardrums. Astrid. And not on the arm of a hulking British man, either. Just Astrid.

Hiccup couldn't move – he watched as Toothless practically mauled Astrid with sloppy dog kisses; he listened as she murmured her greeting to him. It was simple for Toothless. She was Astrid and he loved her. God, Hiccup wished it could be that simple for him. He wished he could run down the street and hold her and all would be forgiven, but that's not how it worked. Eventually, Toothless backed down and Astrid stood up and looked at Hiccup. He couldn't see her face in the dark from this distance. It occurred to him that maybe she wouldn't want to see him. Maybe she wanted to forget about Hiccup, forget about all they'd ever had, all he'd thrown away.

She started walking toward him and Hiccup found he couldn't move. He couldn't do anything. Toothless bounded between them, tongue lolling, the occasional happy bark escaping. Astrid paused a few feet in front of Hiccup and he couldn't help but notice the rosy hue the cold had lent her nose and cheeks. Her hands were covered by pale blue mittens, her hat matched, even if it was a little too big for her head. Beneath her hat, her hair was loose. Hiccup loved it when her hair was loose, the way it cascaded over her shoulders, smooth and silken. He wanted to touch it now, even with his frozen fingers.

Astrid offered him a tentative, small smile. "Hey, Hiccup."

Hiccup smiled and huffed. "Hi, As."

The smile stayed on her lips, but Hiccup could tell that it wasn't quite genuine. No, that wasn't fair. It was cautious, wary.

"Back from your great journey?" she asked lightly, cocking her head.

He'd never wanted to kiss her more than he did in that moment. But he'd forfeited that right. Hiccup's smile wavered and he stared at his feet, shaking his head before raising his gaze to meet hers. "I could ask you the same."

"Life's a journey, Haddock," she said, grinning. She reached out and knocked her fist lightly against his shoulder, her eyes searching his face, her smile retreating ever so slightly. "I hope you found what you were looking for out there."

At this Hiccup barked out a dry laugh and smiled widely, biting his bottom lip. He was a Grade A moron to have let her slip through his fingers. He really was. Concern crossed her features, her smile falling away.

"What?" she whispered.

"Well, that's the thing, As," he paused to shrug, "I think it was here all along."

It was Astrid's turned to bark out a laugh, whipping her head back and shaking it before turning her eyes back to him, the first genuine smile she'd had all night toying at her lips. "Didn't I tell you that?"

Hiccup pressed his palm against his heart. "You said it was in here."

Astrid raised her eyebrows expectantly.

"You were right," he conceded.

"Ha!" Astrid said, pointing at him and looking around for witnesses. She narrowed her eyes at him, a smirk on her lips. "Of course you say that when there's no one around to hear it."

Hiccup rolled his shoulders in a way he hadn't in almost a year. "Plausible deniability."

Astrid shook her head, chuckling and taking a loose step toward him. "You never change, Haddock."

"Neither do you."

Astrid's eyes fluttered to his lips and back up to his eyes again. "It's good to see you."

Hiccup smiled, real and solid. He reached up without thinking, tucking her hair behind her ear, under her hat. "You too, As."

Hiccup's smile fell away as he pulled his hand away from her face, his eyes locked on her big eyes and sweet, pink nose. "I was stupid, huh?"

"What?"

"We had something real and I just," Hiccup paused to shake his head in absolute disbelief, "threw it away."

"Hiccup—"

He bent down and kissed her cheek, wrapping his arms around her and tugging her into him. His eyes rolled shut as he breathed in the scent of her – shampoo and laundry detergent and Astrid. He'd never have this again. He didn't deserve this now.

Pressing his cheek into hers, his lips skirting her ear, he whispered, "I love you, As. Always have. I was just too stupid to realize it."

He pulled back and drank in her face, confused in the lamplight, billowing puffs of steam escaping her lips with each hurried breath.

"Merry Christmas."

Hiccup clicked his tongue and Toothless joined his side, looking back at Astrid as they walked past her and further down the empty street.

"That's it?" she called after him, voice high-pitched and tinged with fury.

Hiccup froze and turned back to her. She had her back to him, her hands balled into fists at her side.

"Astrid?"

She turned around, brow furrowed and lips pursed. "You just get to show up and tell me you love me? You get to leave and you get to come back and just—"

"I'm sorry."

"Shut up," she spat, "You don't get to interrupt me."

Hiccup bit his lip and stared at her. She stalked toward him and jammed her mittened hand into his chest. "What if I don't want your love?"

Hiccup's eyes widened. "I wouldn't expect you to. I—"

"Why would you tell me that? What do you want from me, Hiccup?"

Hiccup shook his head. "Nothing, As. I just—It had to be said."

Astrid's furious face crumpled a little. "Why?"

"Because I never told you. Because I'm an idiot and I lost you. Because…because, As," Hiccup sighed, shrugging,

Astrid raised an incredulous eyebrow. "Because?"

Hiccup shrugged again, nervously. "Because. Listen, As, I don't want anything from you. I just want you to be happy. And I hope that one day I can be happy, too. Someday."

Astrid snorted and crossed her arms. Hiccup frowned at her.

"You are an idiot. And you don't deserve a second chance."

Hiccup opened his mouth to protest the mythical second chance, but then promptly closed it because what was she saying?

"Don't you have a boyfriend?" he heard himself say, stupidly.

"Don't you have a girlfriend?" Astrid hissed back, arms uncrossing and furiously gesturing at him.

They stared at each other for a second before the laughter started – both of them were laughing, the sound echoing back at them in the empty street. Hiccup shook his head, still laughing. Astrid's hand was on his arm and she was so perfect and near and marvellous.

"I don't have a girlfriend," he said.

"Good."

"What about you?"

"Oh, I don't have a girlfriend either."

"Astrid, you know what I meant."

"I do. And it's none of your business." Her tone held a serious note, but the grin on her face was playful.

Hiccup smiled slowly. "Okay."

"Okay?"
"Okay. You don't have to tell me. I get it. Just—As, can we—"

"I'm guessing your dad's not home?" she asked, turning from him and grabbing the handle of her luggage, glancing back over her shoulder, "That's why you're wandering the streets of Berk on Christmas Eve."

Hiccup smiled, a tiny half-smile. "You guessed correctly, milady."

"Well," she sighed dramatically, holding out her free hand, "You better walk me home then. Maybe there'll be a warm chocolate chip cookie in it for you."

He grinned at her, his eyes locked on her proffered hand, knowing that whatever this was, it wasn't fixed. They were a long way from being fixed. But it was a start, wasn't it? It was a goddamn Christmas miracle. Astrid gave her hand an impatient shake and glanced over her shoulder at him, just barely self-conscious.

"Well?"

"Coming."

Hiccup's hand closed around hers without any hesitation.