I don't own the Mass Effect.

Strange Bedfellows

The Morning After

When I woke up, it was to pain.

Now that wasn't an unusual occurrence for me, not even slightly. If anything the days when I woke up and I wasn't hurting were the oddities. Though usually it was due to the dull, low-body aches earned in combat or from working out too heavily the day before. My high tolerance for alcohol, combined with the fact that I tried to avoid overdoing it meant that hangovers, though not rare, weren't exactly common.

And I couldn't remember the last time I'd had one this bad.

My head had a low, dull throb that seemed to accompany each heartbeat, and even with my eyes closed it felt like the world was spinning around me. A dull throbbing sound was making itself known in my right eardrum, and my back was killing me, like I'd pulled half of the muscles doing something. My neck joined the symphony of pain when I shifted a little, trying to find some relief against the odd warmth of my pillow. The last time I remember feeling anything like this bad was after Trena and I had gotten into a drunken fist-fight over something or another.

Had we ended up brawling again? It was entirely possible, knowing scales and I. Frowning slightly, I tried to focus on just what the fuck had happened the night prior, but it didn't help overmuch. I remembered showing up at the mansion's bar, arguing with her about something or another when we were about four drinks in, ordering drink number five… and then a confused blur that I couldn't even being to try and process.

Great… I'd gotten black-out drunk, something I'd managed to avoid doing in the last four years. Super fucking genius Cieran. All I could hope was that I'd kept enough of my brain intact to avoid saying anything stupid in public. But that was something I could worry about later, first I needed to get up and find some water and pain medication.

My train of thought broke off slightly as the steady thrumming in my ear continued, but as consciousness continued to return to me, I belatedly realized that it was something I could only hear in the one pressed into the pillow that was moving every couple of breaths. Almost like breath…ing… oh. Right.

Well… shit. At least I was… oh. Crap. I wasn't wearing clothes.

Bracing myself a little, I cracked a sleep-crusted eye open, and almost immediately flinched as sunlight assaulted it. But the brief glimpse had been enough to see scaled blue skin sprawled beneath my face.

An Asari then. Well we seemed to still be alive, so she probably hadn't melded with me, but I was less concerned with her species and more concerned with who she was. There were only a few hundred Asari who lived and worked in the mansion-slash-fortress, and as many as a thousand more probably bustled through on a daily basis for one reason or another.

I was bracing myself to try and open my eyes again when the woman beneath me let out a long groan of her own, sucking in a breath that made my head dip downwards before suddenly rising. I could tell when she realized that she wasn't alone because the steady motion abruptly stopped a few moments late.

The cessation of breathing was followed by a warm hand touching my shoulder. Warm fingers poked at me, as if she was trying to figure just what I was, and then shifted before a hand all but grabbed my head. If anything my hair seemed to confuse her, and it was a good dozen slow breaths before she stopped touching and feeling it.

"A human?" The voice was exhausted and strained with its own hangover, but I recognized it. My heart all but stopped. I did stop breathing entirely as my brain short-circuited, apparently attempting to bash its way out of my skull to flee the room while it still could. "What are you still doing in here girl? I know I would have told you to be gone by morning."

Such a charmer, as always, but at least her words told me that she hadn't opened her eyes either.

I briefly considered trying to silently get out of there before reason, and pride, kicked in. If I tried to move, period, I'd probably throw up. Running was well beyond me. And the idea of leaving Sederis's rooms stark naked wasn't something my ego could survive. Goddess, if Trena saw or heard of it… Athame's ass, no, just no.

And besides, I was comfortable, exhausted, and in pain. Moving was something to be done another time.

Sucking in a breath, I croaked my own words in her general direction. "I don't remember last night, but I'm pretty sure I'm not a girl Sederis."

The breathing beneath my head stopped once again. Then the hand that had inspected my head all but smacked me in the face as she grabbed at me, feeling around until her fingers were touching my goatee and braided mustache. Her voice sounded almost chocked when she replied, "Kean?"

"Yeah." I winced when she tugged at my hair. "Ow."

"Why are you in my bed?" She sounded… honestly confused. "Goddess, don't tell me that you're fucking naked."

"I won't tell you that I'm naked." I groaned dutifully, wishing she'd stop talking. It made her breathing irregular and was seriously fucking with my body's honest desire to pass out once again. Which made the little voice screaming at me to get up and run start tearing its hair out in frustration, but I couldn't be bothered to listen to it.

"Athame's fucking azure." Her voice lowered to an unstable sounding hiss, each word coming out clipped and hard. "Get. Off. Of. Me."

I didn't want to, but her tone got me moving by reflex. I shuffled sideways until my head dropped off her stomach and onto the stupidly comfortable bed. Even the minimal motion sent the world rocking a bit, and I had to grit my teeth against a wave of nausea.

Next to me, I felt Sederis start to try and heave herself upright before there was an almost pitiful groan. Knees hit my upper back a moment later, while something pressed against the top of my head. Daring the sunlight, I flicked one eye open and found myself looking at the Warlord's grimacing face as she finished curling up into a ball around my head. Her barely visible facial markings were twisting with the motion, for once making them easy to see.

"I…" She growled in between winces that told me she was fighting back vomiting, "..am going… to kill… gears."

"This…" I felt my own face pull into a frown as I tried to dredge anything of my memories "…is her fault?"

"You don't…." The two words were as far as she got before the Mistress of the Eclipse twisted her face in obvious panic, rose, lurched for the side of her luxurious bed before simply heaving onto the floor.

In the back of my head, the voice that had been all but gibbering in panic abruptly shut up. Then it sighed, and started running me through all of the things I'd wanted to do with my life before dying. After all, there wasn't any point to running, or even attempting to anymore. Once she was done retching she was probably going to boil me with warpfire until there wasn't anything but ash so that no one could claim to have seen her weak like this.

She sort-of liked me at least. Maybe she'd make it fast and break my neck before using the fire to destroy the evidence.

It took her a while to finish, and I tried not to pay attention to the sounds she was making in the process. I managed to hold back for about a minute, until the smell hit me. And then it was my turn to lurch away and to another side of the massive piece of furniture before throwing up. A few minutes later, when all that came out were painful, wracking dry-heaves, I managed to lever myself backwards and away from the mess I'd made on the floor.

I was about to curl into a ball again when a hand grabbed my shoulder and shoved me onto my back. There wasn't time to do more than groan before a warm body all but collapsed onto me, one hand resting on my throat as if she'd been about to strangle me but had simply run out of strength before she could.

"I'm going to kill you." Sederis groaned into my shoulder. "And then gears."

Moving on auto-pilot, there was a naked woman pressed against me after all, my left arm slid down around her back to let my hand rest on her waist. "She mixed the drinks then?"

"Yes." There was a low, warning sound in the back of her throat. "Stop holding me."

"You already said you're going to kill me." I muttered back, keeping my hand where it was, finger tracing her stomach. Sederis's abs were… well, ripped, and the feel of her muscles flexing as she breathed and spoke was entirely pleasant. As was the feeling of her upper chest pressed against my side and pecs. I contented myself with feeling rather than looking. I had the bad feeling that if I looked, parts of me would react in a very male way, and she would react in a very Sederis way. "If you wanted me to stop you should have let me think I could walk away first."

Another almost growl as she turned her head, resting a cheek on my shoulder so she could glare at me as she spoke. "I am starting to hate you, human."

"Join the club." I spoke through a yawn. "Probably is one for hating me. You remember any of last night?"

"No, that's why I'm killing gears. I haven't gotten that drunk since I was a fucking maiden." Even as she spoke she took another shot at murdering me, her fingers trying to wrap around my throat. But once again she seemed to lose interest, simply leaving her hand resting there as she let out a yawn of her own. Her breath was terrible, a mix of alcohol and vomit, but I wasn't about to tell her that. "But from where I hurt I can guess."

I tried not to think about the potential implications of that statement, even if I was more than a little curious. "If it helps, I'm pretty sure you wrenched the crap out of my back."

Sederis snorted. "I did more than that human."

I groaned. "How cut up is it?"

She rolled a shoulder, the motion making her chest press a bit further into my side. "Didn't get more than a glance while you were emptying your guts out, but I gave you some nice gouges. Enjoy explaining those to Athame."

"I won't." I let my eyes close as the grip around my neck squeezed into something tight and constricting.

But for the third time she stopped before really getting going, my lungs inflating with air after not more than five or six seconds as she groaned. "You are so fucking pathetic. Are you even going to try to save your own life?"

"I've seen you fight." I reminded her, not bothering to open my eyes. "What's the point?"

"It's rude." And fuck me if she didn't sound petulant. "And boring. Besides, you're capable, for a human."

My nose flexed as I snorted. "And you're fucking Jona Sederis. I might be able to assassinate you, if I had a six months or a year to plan it out to the last detail, but I'm kind of naked with you laying on top of me."

There was... an intrigued sound. "How would you do it?'

"Do what?" I frowned without opening my eyes. "Kill you?"

"Yes."

"Didn't I just say I'd need months or years to plan?"

A finger tapped the hollow of my throat. "How is what you said relevant?"

"You're as bad as Voya and Trena." I muttered, then promptly started chocking again when she immediately grabbed on and squeezed. I started to struggle instinctively after maybe thirty seconds, and only then did she let go. Once I stopped coughing, and got enough oxygen to my brain for it to function, I croaked out words. "I'd... crap, I haven't really thought about how I'd kill you before."

When she simply tightened her fingers again in warning, I sighed and spoke my thoughts out loud. "Probably quantity over quality, with all of them being from as far away as possible. Programming a shuttle's VI to smash it into yours while you're heading from orbit to the ground maybe. Or the other way around."

"Not placing a bomb in the shuttle itself?" She asked, her tone again becoming curious. "And there's a no-fly zone above my mansion to prevent anything like that."

"Your guards are personally loyal enough, same for the staff. No easy way to sneak in. And I know, that's why it's a low chance, but if it works you're dead and it wouldn't cost me anything." I frowned a little. "Maybe hack one of those flying barges to move below or above your shuttle at the same time to stop the ground guns or your fleet from trying to shoot it down."

Sederis let out a humming noise. "What else would you try? A sniper?"

"Maybe a paid off one. Or a remote piloted mech with a suicide package." I mused. "Tracking down what restaurants you like and bombing them is another option. Incendiary ones to minimize your biotic protection. Or just loading the bombs up in an air-car and sending it in a dive right when you're about to go inside."

"You're obsessed with crashing vehicles into things."

My lips twitched a little. "They've got a lot of mass, they're fast, and they blow up quite nicely. It's effective, and it's not like we pay for them. You know how many bounty targets we've killed by flying cars into them."

"Seven." She replied even though I'd meant it as a statement rather than a question. "A constant no-fly zone above my grounds and a combat air patrol whenever I or my daughters are airborne. I already have engineers go over any building I intend to visit before I arrive, but it wouldn't hurt to increase my perimeter guards for public appearances."

I rolled the shoulder she was laying on. "It would make it more annoying, that's for sure. Why are you asking me this anyway?"

"I am trying to decide if you're useful enough to leave alive." Came the blunt reply. "After all, you are aware that I am no longer quite as unstable as I once was, and have kept your mouth shut. It is possible, I suppose, that you would not mention this night to anyone."

"Ah." I considered that for a few breaths, and then shrugged slightly again. If she wanted to kill me, she'd do so without me being able to do much of anything about it. And besides, I was comfortable again. Yawning tiredly, I spoke through the tail end of it. "Well that's all I really had off the top of my head."

There was a contemplative grunt before I felt her mouth open in a long yawn of her own. "What time is it human?"

"No idea." Her yawn set off yet another, and I felt my arm pulling her warmth closer as exhaustion encroached.

"Told you to stop holding me." She muttered, reaching down to grab one of the blankets and hauling it over us.

"Told me you were going to kill me anyway." I muttered back.

Sederis grunted, tapping my throat lazily with a finger before sliding her arm out to drape across me. "Sleep well human, I'll most likely kill you tomorrow."

I was asleep before she finished the last word. Which was probably a good thing, otherwise I'd have started laughing in her face.

So yeah, you all wanted a short set of stories about Cieran and Sederis being together… well here we go lol. This is obviously not canon in terms of the AR series so I'm intending on having some fun with it. In the case of this scene… the entire scene was written for Sederis's last words, because yeah. J

Each chapter will have a slightly different theme that their titles will give away, but at this moment I can't say how many chapters there will be in total. Likely not more than a dozen. If anyone wants a specific kind of scene to be included please feel free to PM me and I'll at least consider it.

Additional kudos to The Blocked Writer for coming up with the story name as we were discussing how in the world I was going to pull this off at all.

Please read and review, criticism is welcome, flames not so much, as usual. Reviews are my lifeblood as a writer.. every-time my email goes off with a review it makes me want to write more, so please take the time to leave one. Guests can leave them as well, and it only takes a minute, so please. Even if it's as simple as "I enjoyed it, please continue."

Thanks, Kat