Zelda12343
 Author has written 53 stories for Legend of Zelda, Super Smash Brothers, Lord of the Rings, StarTrek: The Original Series, Harry Potter, Godzilla, Hunger Games, Hetalia - Axis Powers, X-overs, StarTrek: The Next Generation, Avengers, X-Men: The Movie, Sherlock, and Doctor Who. ZELDA12343 HAS MOVED! I can now be found under the profile ZellCan'tWrite. Thanks for understanding :) Updates section: 11-11-13: I'm writing this for two reasons. 1) I like this date. 2) I've been gone way too long, but it's a busy time in my life and I hope anyone reading this will pardon my complete inactivity. That's not likely to change any time soon. However, I'm still occasionally writing. I'll be back in full force with some of the things I'm working on (if I ever finish). Also, if I ever come back, I'd take on a new identity. I'd get a new profile. I'd repost everything (with improved quality) there, as well as my new writings. I'm three years older than when I first showed up on here, which may not seem like a lot, but I've grown and matured in those three years. I want a new profile to match my increased maturity, and there's just too much to be done on this one. So yeah. When/if I move, I'll post the link right up here. Until then, stay awesome and stay reading! 7-14-13: Profile under construction. Pardon my dust… 12/2/12: I am Sherlocked. IMPORTANT UPDATE ON 4/9/12: As those few people who read some of my stories may guess based on the recent lag in updates may have guessed, I have developed horrible writer's block. I literally cannot become inspired for anything and am as a result extremely mad at my muse. I am even madder because I had a grand total of more than 130 stories written, some complete and some additions to stories I've written previously, were deleted in one fell swoop. As a result, the only story being updated is Dear Fanfiction Writers TOS style! And for that I'm truly sorry. I'm also sorry when I look at the crud I've been clogging FFN with prior to 8/3/11. Most of the unfinished stories will probably not be finished anytime soon, and the ones that are will be at a much later date. I may rewrite a few, and I may delete one or two, but the point is, I'm moving forward here. The one story which I will most definitely be continuing sometime before the year is out is Echoes From the Past. It's the one story I wrote there that I'm truly proud of, and a truly wonderful authoress in her own right, my best friend both on FFN and off, won't let me discontinue it. So for those few who like it, breathe a sigh of relief. It's not going anywhere anytime soon. So that's that, people. Sorry about that and best of luck to you all! Hi, I'm Zelda the 12343rd, and I LOVE the Legend of Zelda! I also love Super Smash Brothers, Harry Potter, and Star Trek! And I'm in the Hunger Games, Alice in Wonderland (2010), and the Lord of the Rings fanbase, too. And I am for some reason a Godzilla fan... aww, heck, forget having me list all the fanbases that I am in! Just look below if you're so curious. I love to write, so don't be surprised if I write twenty stories at once. And assuming that for every single fic I've written and published, there are about twenty unpublished ones, know that I am a prolific writer. And that doesn't count little ideas I get every other day. Anywho, I hope you enjoy looking through my profile and my work :) Fanbases Zell is a part of: Anime/Manga: Hetalia, Shugo Chara Books: Harry Potter, Percy Jackson Series, Lord of the Rings, The Hunger Games Games: Legend of Zelda, Super Smash Bros, Animal Crossing, Spore, Minecraft (if possible), Movies: Star Trek 2009 (which is now a series--hooray!), Alice in Wonderland 2010, X-Men, Marvel Cinematic universe (specifically Captain America, Thor, and the Avengers), Inception, Godzilla Plays: Shakespeare (hey, he's popular for a reason), TV: Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: Voyager, Sherlock, Doctor Who (particularly Nu Who). Pairings: I like the following: Legend of Zelda: Link/Zelda, Ashei/Shad, Colin/Beth, Ganondorf/Nabooru, Linebeck/Jolene, Mario: Mario/Peach, Luigi/Daisy Harry Potter: Harry/Ginny, Ron/Hermione, Neville/Luna, Lily/James (Harry's parents, not his kids), Cho/Cedric, Bellatrix/Voldemort, Lupin/Tonks Super Smash Bros: Link/Zelda, Jigglypuff/Kirby, Ike/Samus, Mario/Peach, Godzilla (yes, it's possible to ship the humans from the Godzilla series): Miyuki/Ozaki, Gordon/Ana, Akane/Prof. Yuhara, Emiko/Ogata, Hunger Games: Finnick/Annie, Beetee/Wiress (sometimes), Snow/Coin (THE ULTIMATE CRACK PAIRING), Star Trek: The Original Series: Kirk/Janice, Spock/Chapel, McCoy/Natira, Scotty/Mira, Scotty/Enterprise (in humor fics), Sulu/Uhura, Chekov/me, Chekov/Irina (if he MUST have someone), Khan/Marla, Chekov/Martha Landon, Star Trek: The Next Generation: Picard/Beverly Crusher, Troi/Riker, Tasha/Data, Wesley/Lal, Star Trek: Voyager: Tom/B'Elanna Star Trek 2009: Kirk/Gaila, Spock/Uhura, Chekov/me (you can tell whose fangirl I am), Kirk/Carol Marcus, Hetalia (the only fanbase in which I accept and even like slash pairings):America/Belarus, N. Italy/Germany, Canada/Ukraine, Hungary/Austria, S. Italy/Spain, Bionicle: Macku/Hewkii, Jaller/Hahli, Percy Jackson Series: Percy/Annabeth, Silena/Beckendorf, Thalia/Luke, Rachel/Nico, X-Men: Scott/Jean, Logan/Rogue, Charles/Moira (First class) Doctor Who: Doctor/Rose/Jack (or any variation thereof), OTPs: Link x Zelda (Legend of Zelda/Super Smash Brothers): They just look so cute together! Ever since the first game I ever played as a young girl of some age younger than I am now that I won't be sharing any time soon, I've thought so. This may or may not be influenced by the fact that Zelda is my favorite video game character EVAH! Mario x Peach (Mario series/Super Smash Brothers): Again, just so cute! He is always rescuing her. Besides, the two are canonically together. Who can argue with that? Luna x Neville (Harry Potter): I don't know why I find this couple so great, but I've always known Luna and Neville belong together. I was so mad when I learned that they don't end up together, so I dashed off and started a Neviluna fic. Marth x Caeda/Shiida/whatever you're calling her (Fire Emblem): He seems to really love her. Every fic I've read that includes her have the two being fiercely protective of one another. Ike x Samus (Super Smash Brothers): Who knows why they're so great together, but I really think that they are! All serious things I've ever written include this pairing for SSBB. Miyuki x Ozaki (Godzilla: Final Wars): Call me weird, but I've always thought that these two are the cutest couple of the whole Godzilla series. I mean, I actually saw some chemistry between the two. I know that the humans aren't the main focus of the Godzilla series, just there to move the story along. Even so, I might be writing some Miyuzaki (Miyuki/Ozaki. I claim the name for this couple) fics. Finnick X Annie (Hunger Games): Every time I think of this couple, I just feel so happy! They're the perfect example of true love! Spock X Uhura (Star Trek 2009): In the new movie, they totally work. Macku X Hewkii (Bionicle): The most canon of Bionicle pairings. Or at least, in my humble opinion. Jaller X Hahli (Bionicle): These two are perfect for each other. Must I say more? Kirk X Janice (Star Trek): I am fairly positive the two are in love with each other. I'll explain my whole theory in time. Picard X Beverly Crusher (Star Trek: The Next Generation): They're almost the TNG equivalent to Kirk/Janice. And they actually are in love in the TNG canon! How could they not be perfect for one another? Personal favorites: I love to write in the humor, friendship, romance, and hurt/comfort genres. Don't ask me why. The mushier the romance, the better! The Review Revolution... Even if the fic has 10,002,464 reviews already...(sad, huh? Especially when better stories have less reviews?) Even if the fic isn't in your normal fanbase and you don't know much about it... Even if the fic is older than time itself... Even if it was abandoned a loooooooooooooooooooooong time ago... Even if the author turned out to be a total psychopath... Even if the OC is a Sue and the spelling would make a dictionary cry... I will review every fic I read. What goes around comes around, and more people will review my own fics. I have joined Review Revolution. Story Status: Note: All stories subject to unscheduled hiatus. I have a busy life. Stories in progress (4): Behind the scenes of DFW Rules everyone on the Enterprise-D should know A Small Town Called Enterprise Dear Fanfiction Writers TOS Style! Stories on indefinite hiatus (17): Super Smash Brothers: Welcome to the real world Back to the one I love Brawl Madness Situations Sulu and Chekov CANNOT let occur Encircling Hands Super Smash Brothers: To Smash the ring Super Smash Brothers: Echoes from the Past The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords, Four Shadows What if Godzilla attacks? Everybody Joins the Brawl Godzilla: Final Brawls Four Swords: Song of the Heroes School Days: Preschool Haymitch Abernathy isn't allowed to Zell's mad questionnaire Tidbits of Romance The real final war Complete stories (27): Why attack when you can have fun? 10 Things to do in case Godzilla attacks your city Moments Not your enemy TOS Truth or Dare! We are family A bad morning for hair Relationship Advice Choices Coincidence? I think not A Normal Day Hairstyles Coincidence? Definitely not Pinchathon, TOS style Names Comparison Totally Illogical Traffic Traffic, TNG version Rogue's Regrets Introspection Silver, Away! Together 2 am Only Fair How about those sundaes? Stream of Consciousness Fan art tie-ins to my stories A brief note: If someone will draw a cover or a piece of fan art for ANY of my work, I will write them a oneshot of their request. Super Smash Brothers: Echoes from the Past: Chloe, Amanda, Chloe again, Chase, My OCs Name: Zell (Zelda12343, me) Etherial: Name: Etherial Age: Physically, thirteen (no one knows how old she really is). Personality: Protective, particularly of close friends (Frodo), jealous Fanbase: LOTR/SSB Powers: Magic Appears in: Super Smash Brothers: to smash the ring Some info about me as a fan Legend of Zelda: Favorite game: Twilight Princess. Those graphics are GORGEOUS!! My other favorite is Minish Cap. It's underrated and under appreciated. The 2D graphics aren't bad either. Besides, it has one of the coolest soundtracks (besides Spirit Tracks). Least favorite game: I honestly don't have one. I have enjoyed every game that I have played. And yes, that includes Wind Waker. The graphics were a little annoying at first, but I found I liked them by the end. Favorite character: ZELDA!!! Not often does a princess rock this much. In Spirit Tracks, you can be her, for goodness sake! And besides, I'm a Zelink fan. Least favorite character: Navi. OBNOXIOUS!!! Also, Tingle. He almost got Vio and Green killed. He's useful in Minish Cap, though... Favorite soundtrack piece: I have so many... Super Smash Brothers Favorite character: Zelda. Zelda. Zelda. She is very fun to play as, very easy for me to control, and very powerful. Second favorite character: Pit. He controls similar to Zelda (leading me to launch a theory that they're related), and his taunts and vocal acting, not to mention his role in Subspace Emissary, are very cute! Favorite stage: Honestly, I don't have one. Least favorite stage: Maybe Spear Pillar. I hate it when the stage tilts! Harry Potter: Favorite character (s): Luna, Hermione, Lupin, Harry, And now for some questionnaires that I've pulled off of other people's profiles and filled in for myself! Hunger Games sort of meme: 1. Favorite District? Anything but the capitol. Ick. They're not evil for the most part, just ignorant. 2. Favorite Tribute from HG? My faves are Rue, Peeta, Katniss, and Foxface. And I guess Thresh... 3. Favorite Tribute from CF? Katniss, Peeta, Finnick (not because he's hot, but because he's nice), Mags (c'mon, she sacrificed her life for Annie Cresta!), Beetee (though in Mockingjay he scared me a little. His vote in the final election restored him up here, though), Wiress (favorite of ALL time), Seeder (so much like Rue that it's scary) and Johanna (she's got a cool attitude). 4. If you could date anyone from HG series, who would you choose? Cinna, I guess. I really don't have a crush on him, but he's the one who I'd most like to get to know better. 5. Do you own any HG shirts? I wish. 6. Are you considered an HG nerd? I guess. 7. Have you ever had a dream about HG? Actually, yeah. It was when they tossed Snow into the Arena and had everyone kill him. 8. HG Playlist? Working on it... A Hunger Games Addict’s Prayer Naming by District: A fanficcer's guide District One The key: Nouns. People from D1 are named after luxury items, literally. Cashmere, Gloss, Glimmer, Marvel. All of these are normal words you might use in a conversation. Things to watch out for: Names that sound too similar to Glimmer. Names that are just ‘pretty’. Normal names. Some suggestions: Silk, Wonder, Tassel, Fedora, Poise, Mylar, Ribbon, Gilt. You’re doing it wrong: Shimmer, Glitter, Sarah, Ann, Rose, Rainbow. District Two The key: Ancient Rome. People from D2 are named often according to cognomina from ancient Rome. The same goes for the Capitol. Cato, Enobaria, Clove, Brutus. Some changing to the structure is fine- from ‘Clovis’ to ‘Clove’, for example. Things to watch out for: Pretty much everything else. Names that just sound cool. Some suggestions: Carnefex, Justin, Elvorix, Cimber, Valentine, Lupus. You’re doing it wrong: Seraphina, Mark, Allison, Ebony, Light, Valor, John. District Three The key: Think mechanics. Then misspell it. You walk a thin line with D3 names- it’s got to be recognizable. Wiress, Beetee. The roots are ‘Wire’ and ‘TV’. Be creative. Things to watch out for: ...but don’t be too creative. Names that make no sense. Normal names. Some suggestions: Fuze, Lasar, Cordin, Gadjet, Drive. You’re doing it wrong: Jennifer, Outlette, Electronica, Samuel, Holodisc. District Four The key: Surprise, surprise, it’s ocean names. Finnick, Annie, Mags. If you look at the meanings, you’ll find that Annie and Mags both reference the sea, and Finnick (fin) is not that hard to reach. Things to watch out for: Flower names, especially things that grow nowhere near the coast. ‘Pretty’ names. Some suggestions: Marlene, Ursula, Romy, Caspian, Naylor, Orman. You’re doing it wrong: Aquafina, Ariel, Violet, Oceania, Neptune, Carl. District Five Utterly unknown. Do as you wish. District Six Utterly unknown. Do as you wish. District Seven The key: There’s not much of one- you’ll see variety here. The guidelines are not quite as strict, as D7 has only two known names, both of which are very different. Johanna, Blight. Johanna is a biblical, functional name, and Blight is a name relating to the foresting industry. Things to watch out for: Anything that’s just ‘too much’. Overly fancy names. Some suggestions: Rachel, Peter, Joseph, Twig, Amber, Pan. You’re doing it wrong: Evangeline, Pestilence, McKenzie. It’s difficult to go totally wrong. District Eight The key: Similar to District Three, the key in Eight is to find a cloth, a pattern, a method of making clothes- and misspell it. Or, alternately, don’t. Bonnie, Twill, and Paylor. Twill is a type of fabric, Bonnie is thought to reference ‘Bonnie blue quilts’ from the Civil War, and Paylor is a reimagining of Tailor. Things to watch out for: You can get away with almost anything, as long as it doesn’t have too many bells and whistles. Some suggestions: Paisley, Frieze, Jaspe, Kersey, Linsey, Tussah. You’re doing it wrong: Julianne, Dorian, Garrison, Mayetta. District Nine Utterly unknown. Do as you wish. District Ten Utterly unknown. Do as you wish. District Eleven The key: Flower names, bird names, butterfly names, farming names. Spell it right, spell it wrong. Just be original. Rue (flower), Thresh (method for farming or deliberate misspelling of thrush), Seeder (cedar, or literally, she who seeds), Chaff (the protective casings of cereal grain). I could go on. Things to watch out for: A plain ol’ obvious flower name. ‘Normal’ names. Some suggestions: Cama, Thistle, Tanager, Finch, Lupine, Zale, Mimosa. You’re doing it wrong: Rose, Lily, Julie, Rick, George, Tulip. -Written and edited by Claratrix LeChatham The Percy Jackson pledge: To the Witch-king: When relying on a prophecy, remember to check the small print. This section will be devoted to my rants. I am for the most part a very nice person, so these won't be mean. Even so, if you see a topic that you have an opinion on, read at your own risk. Rant 1: So, imagine the situation: you are the proud author of a story, any story. It isn't perfect, but hey, you love writing it and it seems that a lot of people like it. One day, you receive an alert in your email that your story has been reviewed. You are extremely excited and open it to find none other than a flame. The reviewer is practically screaming "OMG I HATE THIS STORY GO HANG YOURSELF!" As you can expect, it's not the best day. So, to flamers, I beg you. I beseech you. I demand this. Don't flame other peoples work! It just makes them feel bad and ruins it for the readers out there who actually LIKE the story. I am not saying that you are bad people, I'm saying to try to keep your flames to yourself. Rant 2: I have lately been having trouble, particularly in the Godzilla and Super Smash Brothers fanbases, finding stories with proper grammar and spelling. Not all of us are going to be the school spelling bee champ (okay, I was three times), or pass their grammar classes, but honestly, it only takes a little effort to get a beta reader. That's why they're created, you know! If you are reading this rant and think it could apply to you, contact me. I'm a beta reader myself, and appreciate it when someone takes the time to use this free service proved by FFN. Rant 3: This might have a little something to do with the last rant, but I have seen a lot of teens fourteen and younger saying 'I'm (Insert age here) so don't blame me if my spelling is bad'. Well, I have something to save about that. Beta reader. Or maybe just don't use age as an excuse. I have seen plenty of authors and authoresses who claim to be that age who have perfect spelling and grammar. So perhaps it's just a choice of getting off of FFN and actually paying attention in English. Rant 4: Recently, I have become aware of a major conflict on FFN: The great slash war. A lot of writers are 'OMG YAOI!' and 'OMG YURI!', while others are 'Blech, that's disgusting, stop clogging up ff with that s*t!' I refuse to take sides in this conflict. While I don't really like slash, I don't hate it either, and will read some of it. However, I have some advice for both sides. To slashers: Some people (I included) see close friendships between two people of the same gender as just that: friendships. If someone writes 'friendship', or 'friendship slash', do not go on there shrieking 'OMG THEY HELD HANDS NOW THEY'RE GOING TO GO OUT!' or 'I WANT SLASH!' That will annoy people. However, if you want to write a slash story about the two characters, feel free. To slash-haters: No one is making you read slash. If you really hate it, just don't read it. And I have often seen people complaining about 'oh, this character's just got slash written about them'. To those people: why don't you write that non-slash fic you crave? I bet you could do a great job on it! Rant 5: You know those horrible fics? The ones that rape the canon, feature Mary-Sues/Gary-Stus, and have freakishly horrible grammar? Why the heck do those fics, the one that have obviously had no effort put into them, get so many reviews? Some become internet sensations, even! The author/authoress becomes incredibly famous. It's as though they've done something wonderful. And then there are the rest of us. There are account users like me. We spend hours writing each chapter, using spell check and hopefully thesauruses. We carefully research canon, and if we make mistakes, we apologize and hopefully fix those errors. Some of us are probably going to be published authors someday. And how many reviews do we get? The most I've ever gotten on a chapter that isn't a TOD/Submit a character was 12. Gah! What did I do wrong? Do I have to be a troll to be rewarded? Man: "Haven't we met before?" Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before? Man: "Is this seat empty?" Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?" Man: "Your place or mine?" Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" Man: "But I don't know your name." Man: "So what do you do for a living?" Man: "What sign were you born under?" Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?" Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason" Man: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy." Man: "I know how to please a woman." Man: "I want to give myself to you." Man: "I can tell that you want me." Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy Man: "Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?" Man: "Your body is like a temple." Man: "I'd go through anything for you." Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you." …In Remembrance to Severus Snape…. ….A Slytherin who died like a Gryffindor… ...without all the red and gold crap. …In Remembrance to Fred Weasley… …Who fought bravely to the very end…. …And whose jokes will forever brighten his other half… …And will loyally await his soul mate and brother… … with many jokes… ...he's got forever to think of them, right? …In Remembrance to Dobby… …Who was more free and full of love… ...than any elf, and most humans. ….In Remembrance to Remus J. Lupin…. ...the last real Marauderer... …who was not just a wonderful father… ….a incredible husband and brave hero… ...as well as a freakin' awesome werewolf. ….In Remembrance to Nymphadora Tonks… …who died for ‘the greater good’… ...and would probably hex me for calling her Nymphadora. …In Remembrance of Alastor ‘Mad-Eye’ Moody…. …who’s motto ‘constant vigilance’ kept him alive… ...and scared the crap out of some kids too. In Remembrance to Bellatrix Lestrange… … because it’s was awesome how Molly slapped her with that Avada Kedavra! She deserved everything she got and more. …In Remembrance of Colin Creevey… …who we really didn’t know too well… …but took a lot of pictures and died fighting in a war… …so he must’ve done something good… …besides stalking Harry. …In Remembrance of Hedwig… ...Harry's actual first friend… ...who lived and died soaring... ...In Remembrance of Tom Riddle... ...Who received so much less than he gave (in terms of pain of course)... ...Who deserved to burn in hell forever. Put in bold the ones that apply to you... I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic. Am I the only one who sees how dumb stereotypes are? Got a problem with me? Solve it Calling me FAKE won't make you REAL, I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian. A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see that the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad.' 'Dear, Dad. I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Love, P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. Call when it is safe for me to come home... Evil-est Book/Movie Villain Awards: (Borrowed from tameera's profile) Worst villain ever: Prince Humperdink. Reason: First, his name. Second, he failed in anything and everything he did in The Princess Bride. He couldn't kill Westley or Buttercup, etc. Ugliest villain: Palpatine. No explanation necessary. Most die-hard villain: Megatron. Reason: Sure, he got killed by Sam in the movies. But he still came back, killed Optimus, and nearly destroyed Earth. The Fallen didn't do any work. Most Mysterious villain: the first Metal Beak. Reason: Other than his mentioning in the books and his brief appearance in the movies, we know nothing of him. Random-est/creepiest villain: Carnage. Reason: He has no motive, he just loves bloodshed. He commits mass murder for fun, the monster. Stupidest villain: Jar Jar Binks. Yes, he qualifies. Funniest villain: Shredder. Reason: He was modeled after a cheese grater. Trickiest villain: Khan. Reason: If he wasn't a trickster, Kirk wouldn't have pulled the "KHAAAAAAAN!" repeatedly. The-villain-that-was-the-EASIEST-to-kill: Devastator. Reason: The rail gun...what was up with that, anyways? Creepiest villain: Voldemort. Reason: The Horcruxes, the Dark Mark, his face, his MOM. Most stereotypical villain: Captain Jas Hook. Reason: The mustache is what wins this one. Evil-est book/movie villain awards Worst villain ever: Ganondorf. Reason: Um, he's been defeated countless times by an (often) adolesent kid in green. That's pretty bad, even by my standards. Ugliest villain: It's a tie between Palpatine (A.k.a, Palpy) and Voldemort. This one does not require any reason. Most die-hard villain: Opal Koboi. Reason: She just keeps escaping and coming back to destroy the world. So far, not all that much success. Most Mysterious villain: Galbatorix. Reason: We haven't seen ANYTHING of him in the inheritance cycle so far, so we really don't know anything much about his character or reasons for being evil. Random-est/creepiest villain: The Other Mother (Coraline). Reason: She's unpredictable. She has a creepy manner. And she's still lurking around here somewhere. Stupidest villain: Capricorn (inkheart). Um, hello, keeping the one thing that could destroy you, not a smart move. I mean, it's a freaking BOOK. And there's a fire eater running around. Duh. I suppose Sauren qualifies for this as well though. Funniest villain: Darth vader. Reason: Have you seen the 8 year olds wearing his suit? I, for one consider it absolutely hilarious. Even more so when they have the voice changing thingy-ma-bob. Trickiest villain: This one's a tie between the Spinx (fablehaven), Lady Tamarind (fly by night), Kronos, and Mrs. Coulter. They are all extremely tricky and devious. The-villain-that-was-the-EASIEST-to-kill: Probably Smaug. Reason: HE GOT KILLED BY A FREAKING ARROW!! HOW LAME IS THAT!! Creepiest villain: Darken rahl. Reason: He just plain creeps me out. Most stereotypical villain: Captain Hook. Reason: Do you really need one? Evil-est book/movie/game villain awards (Mine) Worst villain ever: Bowser. Reason: He can't defeat a plumber! As a matter of fact, he doesn't even COUNT as a villain Ugliest villain: It's a tie between Palpatine and Voldemort. This one does not require any reason. Most die-hard villain: Ridley. Reason: He killed Samus' parents, and now he threatens her every single game (I think). Most Mysterious villain: Cynder. Reason: For the majority of Spyro: New Beginning, we only see her shadow and hear Spyro and Sparx screaming. Random-est villain: Zant. Reason: How often the setting around him changes as you fight him Stupidest villain: Ganondorf. Only an idiot would team up with Zant (well, MY idea of Zant) Funniest villain: Zant. Reason: When you fight him in TP, make sure you have the volume up. As in completely. Trickiest villain: Khan. Reason: KHAAAANNN! The-villain-that-was-the-EASIEST-to-kill: Ganondorf. Reason: He can be defeated with the help of a magic bottle and a fishing pole sometimes. LOLZ! Creepiest villain: Xilian Leader (Final Wars). Reason: He's obviously insane. C'mon, that evil laughter Most stereotypical villain: Captain Hook. Duh. Greatest book/movie/game/etc. hero awards (I wrote this) Worst hero ever: Ugliest hero: Best-looking hero: Most die-hard hero: Most mysterious hero: Worst-developed hero: Randomest hero: Stupidest hero: Smartest hero: Funniest hero: Trickiest hero: Easiest-to-beat-hero: Creepiest hero: Most stereotypical hero: To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity 1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that. 5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso. the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana 7.Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'. 9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get. 10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'. 12. Sing Along At The Opera. 14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day. 15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache. 17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!' 18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!' 19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.' 20 And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity . Stuff 2 do 2day @ Target 2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. 3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, 8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose. 9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are. 10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" 12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, 13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. 14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here! 15.Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go!!" 334 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart 1. Take someone's shopping cart and switch the items with stuff from the person next to them's cart Things that you are NOT allowed to do at Smash Mansion (copied from Marth's Curse Reeditized) "1. The microwave is not a theater for testing explosives, and I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't run up the microwave budget on your experiments with Coke and Pop Rocks, or eggs. I don't care what you saw on TV. 2. Candy is not meant to go in any orifice other than the mouth, no matter how it is shaped." "3. Candles are also not meant to go inside the body (anywhere). 4. Glass is fragile. I cannot stress this enough. I hoped you all'd learn after seven jars of jam, fifty fine wine glasses, a pair of specs, my favorite old television, a clock, a computer, a millennium commemorative Mickey Mouse snow globe, and twelve light bulbs, but you obviously didn't, because having written this, I heard Ness break the china." 5. The phone is not a demon that can be summoned by entering a code, and is therefore not meant to dwell in hell." "6. If you yell at our answering machine, it will not like you anymore. It will not EVER yell back, so stop. It's one-sided. 7. Needles are to be used for sewing, not voodoo. I don't care what the person did. 8. Barbie dolls are meant to keep their appendages attached, and they belong to Nana. They are not food for Kirby or chew toys for the Yoshi. They are also not to be used for voodoo. 9. The stove is not meant to serve as a bonfire, and you should not dance around it clad in a bed linen screaming 'Toga! Toga!' 10. You should also not dance naked around any stove, because we do have company. 11. The camera is not meant to take pornographic pictures of your or anyone else's body parts. No one wants to see them hanging on our fridge ever. Again." "12. The stuffing is meant to stay *inside* the pillow. If I find it on the floor one more time, you will. Clean. It. Up. 13. The fridge is meant to store food. This does not include any animal's brains, tongue, or hooves. 14. The fridge is not meant to store hostages. This includes any smasher. 15. This also now applies to Assist Trophies. I know you have Stafy hidden with you. 16. Clothes are the only things that go in the washing machine. Cats, dogs, and pickles should be left out of the laundry from now on." 17. People do not go in the dryer. Not even for five minutes." "18. The lint filter is not meant to be worn as a loincloth. 19. The air conditioning is not 'the breeze from Hell coming to claim us', so I'd appreciate it if you'd stop staring down the vent and screaming at the top of your lungs. 20. The clothing iron is not a weapon, and if Olimar comes in with a triangular burn on his ass one more time, you will all suffer. 21. The clothing iron is not meant to be used on hair. Especially not hair that has just been doused liberally with hair gel, because it will explode." "22. Speaking of hair products, the following items are not to be used as personal lubricants: hair gel, hairspray, foam mousse, shampoo OR conditioner, conditioning shampoo, tea tree oil, or that sculpting gunk that Peach keeps around. 23. The TV will not react if you scream 'Turn yourself on, idiot box!' 24. The remote is not to be used as *anything* other than a remote. 25. Batteries go in electronics. Not in people, no matter how annoying you may think they are. 26. Massagers and vibrators are not the same thing. 27. A cellphone on vibrate is also not a vibrator, and don't try to get cute and tell us it technically is. 28. The mirror is not a parallel dimension, and it is not a portal to said dimension. I'm tired of laughing at you guys running into mirrors, so I'd thought I'd let you know." "29. Bunk beds are not to be used for torture devices. 30. No sex in the bunk beds. Ever. Again. We've already had to replace one set." "31. The fireplace poker is not meant to be jammed up the ass of anyone who rings the doorbell. 32. The fireplace poker is not meant to be rammed down the throat of anyone who rings the doorbell. 33. The fireplace poker is not a weapon. 34. The cuckoo clock is not out to get any of us, and throwing it across the room results only in having to buy a new cuckoo clock." "35. Pots and pans are not to be used as hats or helmets. 36. Kitchen utensils are not sex toys. 37. Especially not bread knives or steak forks or swords. 38. Especially not the electric carving knives. 39. Especially not the electric mixer. "40. The blender is not a killing machine. Frogs do not go in the blender. 41. Snakes do not go in the oven. Neither do people. EVER. 42. Thermometers are not 'stripping poles for chipmunks' and this should not ever be an opinion voiced when talking to children. So shut up King Dedede and stop watching 'Alvin and the Chipmunks the Squeakuel.'" "43. The doorbell is not your cue to drop whatever you're doing, crush theater-blood capsules all over your face, and burst out the door screaming that you want people's souls. 44. 'Weenie roast' is not a sexual term. 45. 'Hot dog' is also not a sexual term. 46. When I call you, pick up the phone 47. When Crazy Hand calls, please do not pick up the phone. 48. Teapots are meant to house tea, not alcoholic beverages. It is not cute when you swap the tea with tequila and our guests are stupid enough to drink it." "49. Curtains are not meant to be worn as togas or climbed. They are not meant to be used as blankets or bed linens, and will not be used to mop up the blood you 'have no clue as to how it got there.' 50. Please wait half an hour after eating. I do not need anyone getting ill/cramps while you are away. 51. Impaling the pillows on spikes of hair is nether funny nor amusing. Apologizing to Ike doesn't excuse you. 52. You should not put someone's weapon in between the windowsill and the open window and slam the poor window down. It is glass. It will break. 53. The flat-iron is not meant to be used in conjunction with anything flammable, including hair gel. 54. No body part is to be doused with water, placed against a steel butter knife, and the knife inserted into an electrical socket." "55. The electric sockets are not to have anything stuck in them. 56. No groping the women. 57. No going outside after dark. Sonic will get you." "58. The toilet did not swallow your most prized possessions, and it is scary to wake up at four in the morning to see you screaming into and clawing at the inside of the toilet bowl like a banshee. 59. The toilet is ceramic, and therefore can be broken with a sledgehammer. Stop killing the toilets. 60. No killing anyone!" "61. The computer is not 'the porno machine' and is not meant to house solely download porn. Therefore, you should not delete every program but the image viewer in order to free up space for download porn. The computer here is purely for emergencies or the finding of information. 62. Body parts do not go in the printer. 63. Clothing does not go in the printer. 64. Animals do no go in the printer. 65. Body parts, animals, and clothing do not go in the shredder. 66. The letter opener is not a sex toy. It is also not a weapon or an eating utensil. 67. It is not cute to take a sharpie and scratch out the 'r' in CROCK POT. We do not appreciate eating out of a 'cock pot.'" "68. No fighting. Period. 69. The toaster is not a battlefield for GI Joe action figures and My Little Ponies. They melt and run up the toaster budget, and unless you feel like buying a toaster, stop it. 70. You are not obligated to kneel in front of the coffee pot every morning groaning your brains out onto our kitchen floor in need of caffeine. You are not a 'coffee zombie,' and I'd appreciate it if you'd lay off the theatrics. You scarred Lucas last time. 71. The ashes from the fireplace are not to be used as body paint. 72. The broom is not a sword, and you should not be spotted (by the press, *especially*) naked except for the pot on your head (see Rule 35) and the broom you are using to duel against a similarly clad enemy. 73. Putting powdered sugar, baking soda, and every other white substance you find in the cupboard into a roast pot and putting the whole mess into the oven will not result in drugs of any kind, be it heroin, methamphetamine, or cocaine. It results in a big, goopy, bubbling mess, and you will not attempt it ever again on pain of death. 74. No eating all the frozen food. Kirby and Yoshi, I have the fresh food stacked enough for one day. "75. Backscratchers are not meant to rub the skin raw enough that it gets infected and you have to see Dr. Mario and have you treated for rabies because you decided that you had to catch a rat with it first. 76. Candle lighters are meant for lighting candles ONLY. They do not need to be used in experiments that involve bean burritos and Wario's ass. 77. Re: Candle lighters: Just don't touch them or I'm getting the childproof kind. 78. Running with scissors is not a way to 'accidentally' kill anyone. 79. It is not subtle to rip the chainsaw to life and chase away door-to-door salesmen, realtors and Jehovah's Witnesses. 80. It is not okay to find the only cockroach in the house and eat it. They may be high in protein, and you can argue a case for that, but they will not assist in the augmentation of any body part. Translation: Bugs do not equal steroids. "81. If something is glowing red, it is generally going to burn you if you put your face on it. Don't come to me or Mario screaming that the demon stove bit you again. 82. Chocolate syrup (not even with whipped cream) is not an accepted article of clothing. Alternatively, you can't try this on one of the girls. 83. The ceiling fan is not meant to be used for acrobatics. 84. Mouse traps shut suddenly. Trying to take the cheese off the trap is not recommended." "85. Filling up the closet with fur coats and barging into them does not transport one to Narnia. It gives one a concussion and nasty bruises when they collide with the wall, and we have to take the fool to the hospital. 86. Shovels are not meant to dig holes in the wood floor in hopes of falling into Wonderland. Or China. 87. Inhaling helium and saying that you're 'major rockstars' makes everyone think you are crazy. 88. Penguins are not acceptable house pets. Put them back where you got them. Preferably while they're still alive. 89. No swearing. "90. Putting one end of an extension cord in your mouth and plugging the other into the wall does not have the same effect as three cups of espresso, and listening to any of the villains will only get you in trouble. 91. Putting a helpless bumblebee up your ass will not result in you getting buzzed no matter what the villains say. It will result in YOU explaining to Dr. Mario how the bee stung you on the inside." 92. Setting the minivan- that brought you here- on fire in other driveway with the excuse that you wanted to 'hot rod' is not cute and will get you punished. 93. Setting the house ablaze with disco music playing results in only us being extremely pissed. There is no 'disco inferno.'" "94. Go to bed on time. I expect you to Brawl tomorrow. 95. The first aid kit will not give AIDS to the first person you touch. You shouldn't even touch it considering Dr. Mario is here. 96. There is enough food for every. I really must stress this Kirby and Yoshi. 97. White glue (or any other color of glue) is not a substitute for hair gel. 98. Superglue will get you in big trouble. Stay away from it unless you want to be explaining to the cops how Yoshi's head magically attached itself to the couch again. 99. Duct tape does not fix flesh wounds. I stress that all too much. 100. Crossword puzzles do not repel the 'vampires in your closet.' Especially if said vampires are your roommates set searching for clothing at seven in the morning. 101. Every single rule is important. Especially this one. Ways to Annoy people at the movie theater: Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses. Clap when the good guy gets killed. During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?" Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!" Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes. Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding. Yell out what is going to happen. Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away. Say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is. Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row. Wear 3D glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects are. Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling. Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel. Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming. Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, Nickarino...) Bring a beach ball. Toss it around. Try to start a wave. Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window. Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!" Sing with the theme music. Bring and use your own air freshener. At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies." Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off. Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes. Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show. Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie. Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen. Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late. When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!" Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is. start a standing ovation at the end of the movie. Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen. Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head. Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats. Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by themself. Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle. Before the movie begins, tape fart cushions to various chairs in the theater room. Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn. Bring a water gun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!" Before the commercials start and people are just coming in and shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!" Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting "Get your popcorn, peanuts!" Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can hear it, like when the killer's name is going to be said. Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones. Bring a pager or cellphone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one. Say "Shhhhh" every 5 minutes. Pass by a room that's showing a movie you've already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the end When a character, even an evil one, is about to die, scream "Don't do it!" During action scenes, contribute your own sport event-style commentary Loudly point out whenever something or someone from another movie is being ripped off During scary scenes, scream loudly and grab the hand of whoever is sitting next to you During romance scenes, eat popcorn as loudly as you can HERE'S A GOOD JOKE FOR STAR TREK FANS: How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb? A: Seven. Scotty has to report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the Engineering Section is getting dim, at which point Kirk will send Bones to pronounce the bulb dead (although he'll immediately claim that he's a doctor, not an electrician). Scotty, after checking around, realizes that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains that he "canna" see in the dark. Kirk will make an emergency stop at the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb from the natives, who, are friendly, but seem to be hiding something. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Yeoman Rand and two red shirt security officers beam down to the planet, where the two security officers are promply killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured. As something begins to develop between the Captain and Yeoman Rand, Scotty, back in orbit, is attacked by a Klingon destroyer and must warp out of orbit. Although badly outgunned, he cripples the Klingon and races back to the planet in order to rescue Kirk et. al. who have just saved the natives' from an awful fate and, as a reward, been given all lightbulbs they can carry. The new bulb is then inserted and the Enterprise continues on its five year mission. North Italy (Vargas Feliciano) (X) You were bullied a lot in your childhood (6/10) for North Italy (Aww man... he's one of my faves!) South Italy (Lovino/Romano Vargas) () You love tomatoes (2/10) for South Italy (Yep, I'm more like Feli) Germany (Ludwig) () You're very stoic and serious (4/10) for Germany [Dang... and I am half German] Japan (Kiku Honda) (X) You're very mature (when I have to be) The United States of America (Alfred F. Jones) () You love hamburgers (2/10) for America [Wow...that's funny, actually. I'm American!] The United Kingdom of England, Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland (Arthur Kirkland) (X) You like tea (3/10) for UK [Oh...that sucks.] France (Francis Bonnefoy) (X) You're very affectionate (3/10) for France [Means I'm allowed to be around people!] Russia (Ivan Braginski) () You had a very sad childhood. (1/10) for Russia [Pfft...wow XD] China (Wong Yao) (X) You're very mature (4/10) for China [Hmm...] Austria (Roderich Edelstein) (X) You are very well-raised (6/10) for Austria [Wow...] Canada (Matthew Williams) (X) You're often ignored by people (5/10) for Canada [Aww...] Cuba () You smoke (2/10) for Cuba [Well...that's interesting.] Hungary (Elizebeta Hédeváry) () You have a potty-mouth (5/10) for Hungary [And she's the only girl] Prussia (Gilbert Beilschmidt) () You're quite mean-spirited (2/10) for Prussia (Thank god.) Random stories Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday. Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit didn't like each other very much. One day, while walking through the woods, and they came across a golden frog. Dear Mommy, I am in Heaven now, sitting on Jesus’ lap. He loves me and cries with me; for my heart has been broken. I so wanted to be your little girl. I don’t quite understand what has happened. I was so excited when I began realizing my existance. I was in a dark, yet comfortable place. I saw I had fingers and toes. I was pretty far along in my developing, yet not near ready to leave my surroundings. I spent most of my time thinking or sleeping. Even from my earliest days, I felt a special bonding between you and me. Sometimes I heard you crying and I cried with you.Sometimes you would yell or scream, then cry. I heard Daddy yelling back. I was sad, and hoped you would be better soon. I wondered why you cried so much. One day you cried almost all of the day. I hurt for you. I couldn’t imagine why you were so unhappy. That same day, the most horrible thing happened. A very mean monster came into that warm, comfortable place I was in. I was so scared, I began screaming, but you never once tried to help me. Maybe you never heard me. The monster got closer and closer as I was screaming and screaming,”Mommy, Mommy, help me please; Mommy, help me.” Complete terror is all I felt. I screamed and screamed until I thought I couldn’t anymore.Then the monster started ripping my arm off. It hurt so bad; the pain I can never explain. It didn’t stop. Oh, how I begged it to stop. I screamed in horror as it ripped my leg off. Though I was in such complete pain, I was dying. I knew I would never see your face or hear you say how much you love me. I wanted to make all your tears go away. I had so many plans to make you happy. Now I couldn’t; all my dreams were shattered. Though I was in utter pain and horror, I felt the pain of my heart breaking, above all. I wanted more than anything to be your daughter. No use now, for I was dying a painful death. I could only imagine the terrible things that they had done to you. I wanted to tell you that I love you before I was gone, but I didn’t know the words you could understand. And soon, I no longer had the breath to say them; I was dead.I felt myself rising. I was being carried by a huge angel into a big beautiful place. I was still crying, but the physical pain was gone. The angel took me to Jesus and set me on His lap. He said He loved me, and He was my Father. Then I was happy. I asked Him what the thing was that killed me. He answered, “Abortion. I am sorry, my child; for I know how it feels.” I don’t know what abortion is; I guess that’s the name of the monster. I’m writing to say that I love you and to tell you how much I wanted to be your little girl. I tried very hard to live. I wanted to live. I had the will, but I couldn’t; the monster was too powerful. It sucked my arm and legs off and finally got all of me. It was impossible to live. I just wanted you to know I tried to stay with you. I didn’t want to die. Also, Mommy, please watch out for that abortion monster. Mommy, I love you and I would hate for you to go through the kind of pain I did. Please be careful. Love, Your Baby Girl SniffSniff SoOo SaD If you think that abortion is wrong and as terrible as it really is A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: This has got to be one of the most clever DORMITORY: PRESBYTERIAN: ASTRONOMER: DESPERATION: THE EYES: GEORGE BUSH: THE MORSE CODE : SLOT MACHINES: ANIMOSITY: ELECTION - RESULTS: SNOOZE ALARMS: A DECIMAL POINT: THE EARTHQUAKES: ELEVEN PLUS TWO: Boys... if you are reading this than take notes!Girls...just read and be awwwwwed! He said i would take a bullet for you anyday. Read this. I almost didn't and I'm so glad I did. They told me the big black Lab's name was Reggie as I looked at him lying in his pen. The shelter was clean, no-kill, and the people really friendly. I'd only been in the area for six months, but everywhere I went in the small college town, people were welcoming and open. Everyone waves when you pass them on the street. But something was still missing as I attempted to settle in to my new life here, and I thought a dog couldn't hurt. Give me someone to talk to. And I had just seen Reggie's advertisement on the local news. The shelter said they had received numerous calls right after, but they said the people who had come down to see him just didn't look like "Lab people," whatever that meant. They must've thought I did. But at first, I thought the shelter had misjudged me in giving me Reggie and For some reason, his stuff (except for the tennis balls - he wouldn't go This just wasn't going to work. He chewed a couple shoes and some Finally I found it, but before I could punch up the shelter's number, I also Well, that's not going to do it either, I thought. And I punched the But I hung up when I saw the sealed envelope. I had completely forgotten To Whoever Gets My Dog: Well, I can't say that I'm happy you're reading this, a letter I told the So let me tell you about my Lab in the hopes that it will help you bond First, he loves tennis balls. the more the merrier. Sometimes I think he's Next, commands. Maybe the shelter staff already told you, but I'll go I trained Reggie with small food treats. Nothing opens his ears like Feeding schedule: twice a day, once about seven in the morning, and again He's up on his shots. Call the clinic on 9th Street and update his info Finally, give him some time. I've never been married, so it's only been Which means that this transition is going to be hard, with him going to live And that's why I need to share one more bit of info with you... His name's not Reggie. I don't know what made me do it, but when I dropped him off at the shelter, And if I end up coming back, getting him, and tearing up this letter, it His real name is Tank. Because that is what I drive. And now I hope and pray that you make him part of your family and that he That unconditional love from a dog is what I took with me to Iraq as an All right, that's enough. I deploy this evening and have to drop this Good luck with Tank. Give him a good home, and give him an extra kiss Thank you, Paul Mallory I leaned forward in my chair and rested my elbows on my knees, staring at C'mere boy." He was instantly on his feet, his nails clicking on the hardwood floor. "Tank," I whispered. His tail swished. I kept whispering his name, over "It's me now, Tank, just you and me. Your old pal gave you to me." Tank And when he came back, he had three tennis balls in his mouth. I was in tears by the end of this! Random stuff: If you've ever woken up from a really crazy dream and rushed down stairs to tell everyone you live with how nuts it was, only to have forgotten what it was all about by the time you reach the kitchen table, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similiar, copy this into your profile. If you are mad that they have not discovered Tatooine, Naboo, Coroscant, and Kashyyyk, and all the other star systems out there, copy and paste this to your profile. If you've never done drugs, copy and paste this into your profile. If you cried when Dobby died, copy and paste this to your profile. If you actually take the time to read peoples profiles, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile (doesn’t everyone?) If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are guilty of doing a British, Irish, Australian, Southern accent or Elvis impression, copy this in your profile. If you have a tendency to talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever copied something from someone else's profile, copy this onto your profile! If you like smiley faces, then copy this into your profile. :D If you hope to write a bestseller someday, copy and paste this into your profile. If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this into your profile. If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer. If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say right before you say it, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have music in your soul, copy and paste this into your profile. If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've read other people's profiles to copy and paste things, paste this into your profile. If you think Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile. If you're obsessed with fanfiction, copy and paste this into your profile. If you're one of those people that gets excited with just two reviews, copy and paste this into your profile. If you're anti-social sometimes, copy and paste this into your profile. If you believe spelling and grammar are important, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever cried when your favorite character in a movie, T.V. Show, video game, or book died, copy and paste this into your profile. (Darn Star Trek: Nemesis...) If you love Star Trek and are 100 percent proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile. If you love Legend of Zelda and are 100 percent proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile. Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this into your profile. If you have ever had a mad laughing fit, copy this into your profile. If you have ever asked a stupid, obvious question, copy this into your profile. If you hate really obnoxious snobby people, please copy this into your profile. If you love chocolate as much as I do, copy this into your profile. If you have your own little world, copy this into your profile. Pluto was no longer declared a planet on August 27 of 2006 just because it was 'too small' and 'off its orbit' for a couple scientists likings. If you still think Pluto should be a planet then copy and paste this to your profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO! 95 percent of the kids out thereare concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you are part of the 5 percent who aren't, copy this into your profile and add your name to the list.AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Tsuyu Mikazuki, WeaselChick, Celyna, ShadowShapeshifterAndHerCat, Sanoon, Lord Cargyle, Silverlycan, FamilyRose, Kiraille, GrayMoonStar, JanetJadeDragons, Blood Shifter, Jazzgirl117, DataLady91, Zelda12343 98 percent of teenagers do or have tried smoking pot. If you are part of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy this into your profile. 92 percent of the teenage population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch said that it wasn't cool to breath anymore. Put this into your profile if you are part of the 8 percent that would be laughing thier ass off. If you haven't died, copy this into your profile. Too many people are on crack. If you're not, copy this into your profile. Too many people smoke marijuana. If you don't copy this into your profile. If you hate those irritating mosquitos giving you bites, copy this into your profile. If you like to write, copy this into your profile. If you think writing FF stories is fun, copy this into your profile. If you have ever wanted to slap someone, copy this into your profile. If your friends are weird, copy this into your profile. My best friend is insane. If you have a best friend who is insane, copy this into your profile. If you have a true friend, copy this into your profile. If you like to pretend that Fred Weasley never died, copy and paste this on to your profile. If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile. If it completely pisses you off when someone says being gay is gross, then copy and paste this into your profile. If Fanfiction to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile. 98 percent of the Internet population has a Myspace. If you are part of the 2 percent that can resist stupid fads, copy this into your profile. If you're against animal cruelty (horse slaughter, bear baiting, dolphin hunting, chimp slavery, etc.), copy this into your profile. If you hear the voices of your characters in your head, please copy this into your profile. If you know someone who should be run over by a bus put this on your profile. (I laughed my butt off when I read this one!) If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile. If you and/or your best friend is insane, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are a chocoholic copy this into your profile If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fan fictions, copy this into your profile. If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix, copy this into your profile. For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar with yourself (I find that I am a very tough opponent). So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile. If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile. If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile. If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word, and you do so at random moments; copy and paste this in you're profile (Star Trek TOS: the Trouble with Tribbles, anyone?). If you have an iPod and love rocking out to it, post this in your profile. (This describes me so wonderfully!!) If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile. If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile! If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile. If random songs just pop into your head at any given moment, from 'I've Been Working On the Railroad' to the Animorphs' version of the Barney Song (I hate you, you hate me, we're an alien family...), to your most favorite song ever, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you think rainbows are wonderful, post this in your profile. If you find yourself making fanfictions of other fanfictions in your head, post this in your profile. If you randomly check your email every five minutes while on the computer, copy this into your profile. If you have ever heard the voices of the characters of the book you're reading in your head...copy/paste this into your profile. If you adore chocolate and frequently suffer from chocolate cravings while you have no access to the heavenly substance, copy this into your profile. If you and your friends have nicknames, titles, or anything else for each other copy this to your profile. If there are times where you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it copy this to your profile. If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have siblings that drive you crazy then copy this onto your profile. If you've ever slapped yourself and/or banged your head on a table for no reason copy and paste this onto your profile. 93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Alice001,HeartOfAgony, VampiressE12B, Blossom Uchiha, Lumiere Hikari, DataLady91, Zelda12343 Recent studies show that 92 percent of teenagers have moved on to rap. If you're part of the 8 percent that stayed with rock, put this in your profile. If you are willing to rebel against the flamers and anyone who is bad in the world and harms any animal or plant of any sort (except a few selected) copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: SuperSidney, Wisegirl101, Shorty and KG Inc., AVigoGirl, tiamat100, DataLady91, Zelda12343 If you have more than 100 books in your room, copy this into your profile. If you've ever laughed for 10 minutes straight, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think that people on commercials talk funny or use phrases no human beings would ever say, copy this into your profile. If you talk back to the TV, copy this into your profile. If you can raed tihs, cpoy tihs itno yuor polrfie, and see if ohtres can raed it. If you DON'T check under the bed for monsters, but you DO check behind the shower curtain for monsters/murderers/Norman Bates, copy this into your profile. I do. If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile. If you have ever slapped yourself on the head and/or banged your head on the table and/or hit your head on a shelf for no reason, put this in your profile. If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to slap you/someone else, put this on your profile. If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, put this in your profile. A large percentage of writers don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you are one of the ones that do and want to deck 'em, put this in your profile. Many people don't appreciate Minish Cap. If you're one of the people who think it's unappreciated, copy and paste this in your profile. If you hate Twilight, Edward Cullen and all the fangirls that chatter about it, copy and paste this into your profile. If whenever people tell you to read Twilight, you reply "Have you ever wondered why Lord of the Rings has been popular for as long as it as been?" and dreamily imagine any of the characters, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever had a dream involving any fictional character, copy and paste this into your profile. If you talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are obsessed with Fanfiction, put this into your profile. If you've ever wondered what you're like in a parallel universe, put this on your profile. If you are the kind of person that gets really excited when you get like, two reviews, add this to your profile. If you probably need a life but have no intentions of getting one, put this on your profile. A large percentage of writers don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you are one of the ones that do and want to deck 'em, put this in your profile. If you should be doing homework right now, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile. If you are sick of people talking about Twilight, copy this into your profile. If you get irritated by people who use American spellings for character speech in stories that are set in Britain or Australia, copy and paste this into your profile. If you secretly hoped to get a letter from Hogwarts when you were eleven, put this in your profile If you want to learn Japanese, copy/paste this into your profile. If you like to write, copy/paste this into your profile. If you think that writing Fanfic stories is fun then copy this onto your profile! If you hate those irritating mosquitos giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile. If you think Midna was going to tell Link she loves him, copy and paste this on your profile. If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you said it, copy this into your profile. There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile. If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile. If you are against fur coats or killing animals just to look good, copy this into your profile. Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile. If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are a complete fan to the Legend of Zelda series/ or / Twilight Princess, copy & paste this to your profile. If you're THE The Legend of Zelda fan, copy and paste this into your profile. Have you ever read a Legend of Zelda manga? I HAVE! Copy & paste this into your profile if you totally love LoZ mangas! If you honestly don't give a flying flip what anyone in any clique thinks about you, copy this onto your profile. If you wish Pit was real, copy and paste this into your profile. If you read your own stories or profile just for the heck of it, copy and paste this to your profile. If you think life would be dull and dreary without technology, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are a crazed Pit fangirl, copy and paste this into your profile. If you work better to music, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, post this in your profile. If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. If you work better to music, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, post this in your profile. If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. PLEASE READ. I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a cashier hand this little boy some money back. The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The cashier said, "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll." Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?'' The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.'' Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to. "It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her." I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her afterall, and not to worry. But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there." His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.'' My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall." Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me "I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me. I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister." Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly. I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?'' "OK," he said, "I hope I do have enough." I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money. The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!" Then he looked at me and added, "I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give it to my sister. He heard me!'' "I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.'' "My mommy loves white roses." A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local newspaper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy? Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young woman had passed away. I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever.. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him. Now you have 2 choices: 1) Repost this message. 2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart Fanmade Hunger Games: On 1-26-11, I, Zelda12343, claim all rights to the fanmade Hunger Games sheet. This isn't strictly Hunger Games Fandom, but you won't be able to understand it if you haven't read the Hunger Games. You may use it on your profile if you want, but give me credit! Or I'll send you into the Hunger Games! This list is a fanmade list of characters from different fanbases and how they'd fare if sent into the Hunger Games pitted against each other. Reaping Time! District 1 Male Tribute (Kind of killed easily assuming that they are a career): Ganondorf, Legend of Zelda Reason: The king of evil can't kill a little kid. Come on. I don't care that he's the chosen hero, I still think that it's stupid that he can't get him. After all, he's got the Triforce of Power! District 1 Female Tribute (Gorgeous, killed because they let their guard down): Reason: District 2 Male Tribute (Obsessed with death and destruction, usually is the second-to-last or something close, brutal, the embodiment of the idea of a Career): Reason: District 2 Female Tribute (Also brutal, usually a friend to district partner, sadistic): Reason: District 3 Male Tribute (Genius, not the best fighter): Chekov, Star Trek 2009/TOS Reason: Do you remember the scene in Trouble With Tribbles in which Chekov cannot hurt a klingon no matter how much he punches him? And in 2009, he was a genius. District 3 Female Tribute (A little insane, genius, not the best fighter): Reason: District 4 Male Tribute (Sea-associated, good-looking): Percy Jackson, Percy Jackson and the Olympians Reason: He's a freaking demigod son of the sea god! And apparently very good-looking. District 4 Female Tribute (Sea-associated, strong swimmer, good person): Tetra, Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker Reason: Pirate leader. I'd think she's associated with the sea... District 5 Male Tribute (Insert anything here): Reason: District 5 Female Tribute (Insert anything here): Reason: District 6 Male Tribute (Morphling addict): Reason: District 6 Female Tribute (Morphling addict): Reason: District 7 Male Tribute (Lumberjack, rather tough): Reason: District 7 Female Tribute (Lumberjack, sarcastic and tough) Reason: District 8 Male Tribute (Textile Production): Reason: District 8 Female Tribute (Textile Production, kind of dim): Reason: District 9 Male Tribute (Insert anything here): Reason: District 9 Female Tribute (Insert anything here): Reason: District 10 Male Tribute (Livestock): Reason: District 10 Female Tribute (Livestock): Reason: District 11 Male Tribute (Really strong): Reason: District 11 Female Tribute (Sweet, friendly): Reason: District 12 Male Tribute (Friendly, intelligent or surly, intelligent): Reason: District 12 Female Tribute (Rebellious, survival-driven, very smart): Tally Youngblood, Uglies Reason: She reminds me so much of Katniss. She can survive through anything, almost single-handedly takes down the system, and is obviously really smart Reactions to being reaped or volunteering: Ganondorf: Oh, crud. No more killing Link for me, I guess. I wonder if I could use my powers in the arena... Chariot costumes: Chariot Ride: Tributes' views of one another Training: What to impress the gamemakers: Training scores: Interview: Game Strategy: Likely alliances: Reaction to victory: Final interview: Any lasting damage? A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work. Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon. Why do all superheroes wear spandex? If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money? Why aren't safety pins as safe as they say they are? Well the voices and I took a vote. It's unanimous; you suck. A rejected invention: Instant water! Just add water! Don't ever attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot. Just say no to drugs. Because if your drugs are talking to you, you've probably had too many. Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them. Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. When in doubt, push random buttons! There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train. Last night I was looking up at the stars when suddenly I wondered..."Dude, where the heck's my ceiling?" There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves. They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill many people... The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide. Slinky Escalator = Endless fun Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film. I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away. Always take the time to smell the roses...and sooner or later you'll inhale a bee. If genius is 1 inspiration and 99 perspiration, I must be sharing elevators with a lot of bright people. It's always darkest before dawn...so if you're gonna steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. Canaries are the best, especially with ketchup on them. Slow and steady gets you trampled by the other guys. When opportunity knocks, shoot first and ask questions later. When all else fails, use duct tape. Or vodka. Apparently according to the MythBusters, vodka can do ANYTHING! If you are part of the .000000001 percent of people who don't have a MySpace or Facebook, copy this onto your profile. When you were 5, your mom gave you a ice cream cone. You thank her by yelling at her that it's the wrong kind. When you were 9, your mom drove you from swimming class to soccer and one birthday party to another. You thanked her by slamming the door and never looking back. When you were 10, your mom payed for piano classes. You thanked her by never coming to class. When you were 12, your mom was waiting for a very important call. You thanked her by talking on the phone all night. When you were 14, your mom payed for a month away at summer camp. You thanked her by not bothering to write a single letter. When you were 16, your mom taught you how to drive her car. You thanked her by taking it every chance you got. When you were 17, your mom drove you to the mall and gave you her credit card. You thanked her by maxing it out. When you were 18, your mom cried at your high school graduation. You thanked her by partying until dawn. When you were 20, your mom drove you to collage. You thanked her by saying good-bye to her outside the drom so you wouldn't have to say bye in front of your friends. When you were 26, your mom payed for your wedding. You thanked her by moving halfway across the world. When you were 30, your mom fell ill and needed you to take care of her. You thanked her by reading about the burden parents became to children. Then, one day, she quietly died and everything you did came crashing down on you. If YOU love your mom, re-post this and if you don't, you won't care if your mom dies, will you? 46 Ways To Annoy a Non-Harry Potter Fan: 1) Relate everything they say to the Harry Potter books or movies. 2) Crowd their in box with Harry Potter related emails, make the subject misleading. 3) Give them Harry Potter merchandise for their b-day and demand they cherish it 4-ever. 4) Pretend you can do magic. 5) Yell "CRUCIO" whenever they insult Harry Potter. 6) If your late for something blame it on your broken time turner. 7) Sort every person you meet in to one of the four houses. 8) Say "Lumos" every time you turn on a light. 9) If your asked to retrieve something shout "Accio" loudly. 10) Refuse to wash your hair and explain you're going for the Snape look. 11) Spend hours at a time trying to make your broom fly. 12) Tap all brick walls you encounter with an umbrella. 13) Demand to know what exactly the function of a rubber duck is. 14) Carry around a hip flask and refuse to drink anything anyone else offers you. 15) Hum the Harry Potter theme all day long. 16) Talk to animals and insist that they're animagi. 17) Walk up to random people and ask if their initials are R.A.B. 18) Tell them that they're almost as smart as Grawp. 19) Refuse to tell them who Grawp is. 20) Whenever it gets foggy outside scream "The Dementors are coming!" and hide for days at a time. 21) Point at modern electronic devices and say "Look at that! The things these muggles come up with!" 22) Point and grunt and insist that your speaking troll. 23) Take them to a CD store and make them look for the new Weird Sisters Album. 24) Always speak with a British accent, especially if your not from the U.K. 25) Draw round glasses and a lightening bolt scar on every poster you come across. 26) Constantly compare them to Mrs. Figg. 27) Laugh evilly if they ask who Mrs. Figg is. 28) Complain loudly about how your pictures don't move. 29) Break any awkward silences by saying "How 'bout them Chudley Canons." 30) Say "Alhomora" every time you open a door. 31) Every time you see them demand an explanation of why they don't like harry potter. 32) Say everything in a sing-song voice like Luna Lovegood. 33) Shriek loudly and say that you're speaking Mermish. 34) If they ask you about the weather solemnly say, "Mars is bright tonight." 35) Pretend your under an invisibility cloak and shout "You can't see me!" 36) Knit them a maroon jumper every year, especially if maroon isn't there color. 37) Draw the sign of the Hallow on every surface in the house. 38) While playing chess with them, stare at your pieces and give them verbal commands. 39) Throw the chess board across the room when the pieces don't move. 40) When one of the movies is on TV remind them every five minutes. 41) Refer to random people as "You-Know-Who." 42) Start swatting at the air saying there's a wrackspurt around. 43) Ask them to help you stuy for your O.W.L.'S 44) Walk around bumping into walls explaining your looking for the Room of Requirement. 45) Run up to random men with long dark hair and scream "SIRIUS! I always knew you were alive!" 46) Tell them that You-Know-Who was defeated today. When they ask who's you-know-who pretend to be offended and don't tell them who he is. 1) Seamus Finnigan is not after me lucky charms 2) I will not sing "We're Off to See the Wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office. 3) I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class 4) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss 5) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda 6) Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar 7) First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy 8) I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "time of the month" 9) I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals 10) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin quidditch matches 12) When Death Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Batmoblie, Robin!" 13) When a class-mate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm. 14) It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor 15) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental 16) I will not refer to the Weasley Twins as "bookends" 17) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book. 18) I will not hold my wand in the air before I casting spells shouting "I got the power!" 19) Its not necessary for me to yell "Bamf!" everytime I apparate. 20) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls. 21) "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice. 22) I am not allowed to make lightsaber sounds with my wand. 23) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs. 24) I will not slip Malfoy a Love Potion in his morning goblet of Pumpkin Juice. 25) I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Voldemort. 26) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera. 27) I will not refer to the Accio charm as "the Force". 28) I will not call Dumbledore "Santa Claus!" during the Christmas Holidays. 29) I will not put Muggle fairy book in the History section at the library. 30) I will not send Snape a bottle of shampoo for Christmas. 31.)I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "I told you I was hardcore". 32.)House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers. 33.) Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a 34.)I am not allowed to tell Hufflepuffs there is no Santa Clause. 35.) I am not allowed to refer to myself as the New Dark Lord. 36.)I am not allowed to sneak into Professor Snapes private chambers to watch him sing I Will Survive in the mirror, as it is disturbing. 37.) I am not allowed to steal Professor Flitwicks wand, hold it over my head and laugh as he tries to reach it. 38.)I will not replace Madam Pomfrey's Skele-Gro with pumpkin juice. 39.) I will not replace Professor Snape's pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro. 40.) I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class. 41.)The next time that I see Rita Skeeter, I am not to threaten her with a can of Raid. 42.)I will not subvert the lock on the fourth-floor girls' bathroom and sell its location to first-years as "The Chamber of Secrets". 43.)When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic after graduation, I should not cite "Fred and George Weasley" as my greatest influence at Hogwarts. 44.)Putting down "Lord Voldemort" is probably not best either. 45.)A Muggle "vacuum cleaner" is not acceptable Quidditch equipment, even if it has been enchanted to fly. 46.) Hogsmeade village is not "a wretched hive of scum and villainy. “ 47.)I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I prophesied her death. 48.). I will also not tell Professor Trelawney that I had a vision of her killing the Dark Lord. 49.)Sending rings to the nine senior faculty at Yuletide, with the return address "Voldemort", is not funny. 50.)Insisting that the school acquire computers and network the buildings is a pointless request as they claim that a quill and parchment is sufficient. 51.)Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists. 52.)I may not have a private army. 53.) I must not substitute chocolate-flavored laxative for Professor Lupin's prescription-strength chocolate. 54.)Nor am I to in any way substitute, alter, hide, or otherwise tamper with Professor Dumbledore's candy. 55.)I am not the wicked witch of the west. 56.) -I will not refer to Professor Umbridge as such either. 57.) I will not melt if water is poured over me. 58.) -Neither will Professor Umbridge. 59.)I shouldn't use Photoshop to create incriminating photos of my house prefects or tutors. 60.)I will not enchant the Golden Snitch to fly up the nearest fan's nose. 61.) I do not know the Avada Kedavra curse, and pretending I do to people who annoy me is not funny, no matter how much they injure themselves diving for cover. 62.) I will not test my Potions assigments by spiking Snape's drink with them. 63.) - Especially not all of them at once. 64.) I will not try to hock off my old piercings as "priceless Muggle artifacts." 65.) I will not claim my X-Files tapes are "Auror Training Videos." 66.)Professor Snape definitely does not have pointed ears, and under no circumstances is he to be addressed as 'Spock'. 67.)I am not able to see the Grim Reaper, nor am I to claim that he is standing by the Headmaster, tapping an hourglass and looking at him impatiently. Or, for that matter, Harry Potter. 68.)When being interrogated by a member of staff, I am not to wave my hand and announce 'These are not the droids you are looking for'. 69.)Thestrals do not resemble the Muggle toys known as 'My Little Pony'. 70.)The four Houses are not the Morons, the Borons, the Smarts and the Junior Death Eaters. 71.)I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort. 72.)Despite my personal beliefs, Quidditch would not be improved by the introduction of muggle firearms. 73.)Though they are doubtless more athletic, battle-axes are not acceptable either. 74.)I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts, A History that explains about Bilbo Baggins. 75.)I will not use the Marauder's Map for stalking purposes. 76.)I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing. 77.)I am not allowed to ask Professor Dumbledore if the size of his beard is 'compensating for something'. 78.)I will not create a betting pool on that Voldemort is Harry Potter's father. 79.)Headmaster Dumbledore is of no relation to Willy Wonka. 80.)Professor Snape's proper given name is not Princess Silvermoon Fairywing GlimmerMcSparkles. 81.) I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter. 82.)Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are not the magical equivalent of "Batman and Robin". 83.)I will not play the Imperial March theme for Professor Snape. 84.). - However, when Lucius Malfoy visits, I may play it. 85.)If I insist on carrying out my plans of producing "Riddle-de-dee: The Voldemort Musical", I will do so under a nom-de-plume. 86.) I will not attempt to recruit the title character to play himself. Even if he looks good in tap shoes. 87.)I should not refer to Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle collectively as "Team Rocket" either. 88.)I am not allowed to discuss my theory that Voldemort is actually the second cousin of Sauron. 89.)I am not a 'ninja sent here by Lord Voldemort to destroy Harry Potter' and should stop shouting this at meal times. 90.)It's not tasteful to approach Cho wearing a shirt that says All the good looking ones die young with a picture of Cedric Diggory on it. 91.)I will not yell "Hey look It's Lord Voldemort!" at Hogsmeade 92.)I will not tease Voldemort about the time he needed his pink flowery teddy bear to comfort him when he had that bad bad nightmare about Harry 93.)I will not charm a poster of Britney Spears on Draco's wall 94.) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work." 95.) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot. 96.) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it. 97.) I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive. 98.) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast. 99.) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day." 100.) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling. 101.)I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways. 102.) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween. 103.) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously. 104.) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions. 105.) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet. 106.) I am not allowed to begin each Herbology class by singing the theme song to “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.” 107.) I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween. 108.) I will not call Professor McGonagall “McGoogles”. 109.) I will not sing the entire Multiplication Rocks series during Arithmacy exams. 110.) Dumbledore is not Gandalf, and the Triforce is not hidden in Hogwarts. 111.) There is no such thing as the chamber of Double Secret Probation. 112.) My name is not “the Dark Lord Happy-Pants” I am not allowed to sign my papers as such. 113.) Bringing fortune cookies to divination class does not count for extra credit. 114.) I will not douse Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak with lemon juice to see if he will become visible while wearing it and standing by the fire in the common room. 115.) I will not tell first years they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow. 116.) I will not teach the house elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks. 117.) I will not give Gryffindors pixie sticks. 118.) I am not allowed to refer to Susan Bones, Hannah Abbot, and Justin Finch-Fletchley as Blossom, Buttercup, and Bubbles. 119.) A time turner is not a flux capacitator I should therefore not try to install it in a muggle car. 120.) I shall not refer to DADA professors as canaries in a coal mine. 121.) When fighting deatheaters in the annual June good vs. evil fight I will not lift my wand skyward and shout “There can only be ONE”. 122.) A wand is for magic only, it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or playing drums no matter how bored I become. 123.) It is generally accepted that cats and dragons can not interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory no matter how wicked the results would be. 124.) 42 is not the answer to every question on the O.W.L.S. 125.) I am allowed to have a cat, rat, toad, or an owl. I am not allowed to have reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha. 126.) No matter how good an Australian accent I can do I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class. 127.) I will not refer to the Defense against the Dark arts professor as Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak. 128.) "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge. 130.) I will not reenact Potter Puppet Pals in the Great Hall. 131.) I am not allowed to draw a smiley face on my arm and tell everyone its the new Dark Mark. 132.) Asking "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" and walking away is only funny the first time. 133.) I will stop asking when we will learn to make "Love Potion Number Nine". 134.) It is wrong to refer to Aragog as "Charlotte". 135.) Crucifixes do not ward off Slytherins, and I should not test that. 136.) There is no "open-mike night" at Hogwarts. 137.) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick. 138.) The fact that Draco Malfoy is short, blond, pale-eyed and rat-faced is no reason for me to tell the Slytherins that Peter Pettigrew should be paying Narcissa child support. 139.) I will not cover myself in ectoplasm and walk out of a fireplace, saying I took the "Flu Network". 140.) There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth House at Hogwarts, and I am not a member of that house, nor am I its founder. 141.) I will not refer to Professor McGonagall as Catwoman, no matter how funny she would look in tight leather. 142.) Humming/singing/referring in any way to Duran Duran's "Hungry Like the Wolf" around Professor Lupin is inappropriate. It's best not to bring up "Thriller", either. 143.) If asked in class what the Avada Kedavra curse does, yelling "It does DEATH!" may be correct but is not the manner in which one should answer. 144.) I will not encourage the Holse Elves to form a union. 145.) Singing 99 Bottles of Potion on the wall nonstop repeatedly will result in a detention. 146.) When detained by dementors, I do not have a right to a strip search. 147.)Luna Lovegood does not have pointed ears, nor is she to be addressed as 'Galadriel'. 148.) I am not a Vampire Slayer and Professor Lupin is not my Watcher. Nor will I attempt to stake Professor Snape. 149.) If I spot the Dark Mark I shall not shout 'Thunder, Thunder, Thunder, THUNDERCATS, HO!' 150.) Professor Snape did not kill my father and does not deserve to die. (Is this Star Wars or The Princess Bride?) 151.) I am not allowed to organize a witch burning, even if I have been assigned to do a presentation on Muggle history in my Muggle Studies class. 152.) Yelling 'To infinity and BEYOND!' was only funny the first time I took off on my broom. 153.) I am not allowed to scare the first-years by screaming "I'm melting! I'm meeeeeeeeeeeltiiing!" while they are in the showers. 154.) Hogwarts is in the UK, thus the United States Constitution does not apply to any of its students. Therefore, 'Avada Kedavra' does not fall under First Amendment freedom of speech rights. 155.) Watching "The Food Network" is not equivalent to sitting NEWT-level Potions classes. 156.) When called upon in class, I shall not insist that the correct answer to everything is '42'. 157.) Telling Lucius what he could do with his staff... is not advisable. 158.) There is no such thing as the "Hufflepuff Marshmallow Man". 159.) Voldemort, after being defeated, did not get served. 160.) I will not offer Professor McGonagall lasagna. 161.) I will not attempt to repel Dementors by covering myself in chocolate body paint. 162.) "Springtime for Voldemort" is not an acceptable suggestion for the class play. 163.) Despite the appearances of the employees and the vaults, Gringotts is not the entrance to the Labyrinth. 164.) I am not allowed to ask Pureblood students things like, "If your parents got divorced, would they still be brother and sister?" 165.) I will not invite Professor Snape to a midnight showing of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show". That goes double for Voldemort. 166.) I'm not on Survivor, and therefore I'm not allowed to vote people out of the common room. 167.) It is not respectful to use a Polyjuice potion to become Lord Voldemort’s look-alike and glare at every person within three feet of me 168.) – Neither should I steal Harry Potters’ wand to complete the outfit 169.) It is not a good idea to teach Peeves pick-pocketing, lock-picking, or any similar thing 170.) – neither is it to convince him to join my side in return 171.) No matter how creepy and abandoned some of the towers are, I will not find Johnny Depp with scissors for hands in any of them. 172.) I will stop telling tree-huggers to go visit the Whomping Willow. 173.) However tempting it may be, I will not send Voldemort a Christmas card telling him how much we all love him, even through these difficult times. 174.) I will not point out to the house-elves how much sushi could be made of the giant squid. 175.) I will not give Voldemort a toupee to hide his baldness. 176.) I will not steal Veritaserum from Snape’s store and add some to the teachers’ morning tea. 177.) The phrase “Good dragon, nice dragon, please don’t kill me,” doesn't work. 178.) I must not point at Voldemort and say “I taught him everything he knows.” 179.) I will not tell Umbridge “Voldemort says, ‘Hi,’” every time I see her. 180.) I should not tell Cho Chang Cedric came to me in a dream and wanted me to tell her something, but I woke up before he did. 181.) I should not tell Umbridge that I have a doggie named “Fluffy” she would like to meet. But I will anyway. 182.) I must not convince Cedric to wear a red shirt on the last task of the Triwizard Tournament. 183.) I will not say, “What’s the sitch?” into the Order’s two-way mirrors. 184.) A hug is not all Snape needs. 185.) I can not call Professor Snape “the Sheriff of Nottingham”. 186.) I am not to sing “That’s So Raven” when passing Ravenclaws in the corridors. 187.) I will not enchant a scarecrow and suit of armor to skip through the halls singing, “We’re Off to See the Wizard”. 188.) I must not tell Umbridge that some centaurs have invited her to a party. 189.) I shall not tell Snape, “There is a thing called shampoo in the world.” 190.) I will not refer to Professer Dumbledore as ‘Tim the Enchanter’ 191.) I must not yell “She-who-must-not-be-named is coming!” every time Umbidge walks down the hall. 192.) I shall not say, “I heard that if you hug Voldemort he won’t kill you,” to the first years. 193.) Professor McGonagall likes her milk in a glass, not a saucer. 194.) Wolf whistling at Lupin when he walks by is not funny. 195.) I must not bewitch the door to Professor Snape’s office so that it will only open if he says, “Business in front; party in the back!” 196.) When I see Professor Umbridge, I will not say, “There you are, Trevor. Neville has been looking all over for you.” 197.) Dementors don’t like it when you walk up to them and ask if they are the Ghost of Christmas-Yet-To-Come. 198.) When someone pulls Godric Gryffindor’s sword out of the Sorting Hat, I will not say, “You have acquired the Master Sword.” 199.) Saying, “Accio brooms” while first years are having flying lessons isn’t nice. 200.) I am not to ask, “Voldemort: boxers or briefs?” 201.) Mad-Eye Moody’s moto is “constant vigilance” not “custard pudding”. 202.) I do not have a Dalek patronus. 203.) I must not moon Professor Lupin. Even if his nickname is “Moony”. 204.) Voldemort’s nickname is NOT “Filthy Half-Blood”. 205.) Under no circumstances may I ask Harry Potter how his quest to destroy the One Ring is going. Quoting time!! "Heya!" Link, just about all of The Legend of Zelda games. "That was awkward, you big b*tch!" Midna, if you listen to her vocal effects on the GameCube (I think) just after you fight Zant; The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess "Hey, you're not supposed to talk!" Zelda, Brawl Taunts "Papa told me that a lady will always beat a man in a fight, because of two things. One, they don't have the epic weak spot. Two, they have the mental advantage. I didn't really get the second part." Bowser Jr, SSBB oneshots "Khan: I have no life! "Not to worry, we are still flying half a ship." Obi-Wan Kenobi,Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith Luke Skywalker: What's one of the first things you learned in training to be a Jedi? "You shall not pass!" Gandalf, Fellowship of the Ring "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein "PO-TA-TOES. Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew!" -Sam Gamgee, Lord of the Rings "You haven't got a letter on yours. I suppose she thinks you don't forget your name. But we're not stupid - we know we're called Gred and Forge." -George Weasley, Sorcerer's Stone Gimli: Toss me. Bones: "Do you want an acute case on your hands? This woman has immediate postprandial, upper-abdominal distention. Now, out of the way! Get out of the way!" "You mean, you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword, and we'll try and kill each other like civilized people?" Westley, The Princess Bride "You know what? I'm a grandmaster sensei in the art of 'die'" Chuggaconroy, Let's Play The Wind Waker (Episode 62 part 2) Zant: UH, HI! Zelda: Roy? ROY! Roy (creepy voice): The voices are with you! Everyone joins the brawl Did you know... singing is healthy. bananas are good for period pain. it's good to cry. chicken soup actually makes you feel better. lying is actually unhealthy. 89 percent of guys want YOU to make the first move. chocolate will make you feel better. most boys think it's cute when you say the wrong thing. a good friend never judges. boys aren't worth your tears. we all love surprises. Now... make a wish. Wish REALLY hard! WISH WISH WISH WISH Your wish has just been received. Copy and Paste this into your profile in the next 15 minutes and... Your wish will be granted. OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing. You Know You're Obsessed With Harry Potter... (BTW, I've done or had the urge to do all of them) 1. When you bump into walls, saying "Maybe they moved it... it HAS to be around here somewhere..." 2. When you go into your basement or bottom apartment and you see a pot filled with water and spices. What, it's Potions! (I've wanted to do this for like forever) 3. When you call your least favorite teacher Snape 4. When your friends have had to subdue you after one of them said "Harry Potter isn't real" 5. If you're younger than 11, you are convinced you will go to Hogwarts. Eventually. 6. If you're older than 11, you proudly call yourself a "Muggle-born Squib" 7. When your parents have actually banned you from reading Harry Potter 8. When you read them at school anyway 9. When you've been Harry Potter for Halloween 10. Even if you're a girl 11. When you own all 10 Harry Potter books. 12. When you know what 10 books I was talking about 13. When you're a brunette, you crimp your hair to become Hermione 14. Even if you're a boy 15. When you see redheads and immediately think 'Weasley... lets go say hi!" 16. When you've made a wand. 17. When you go outside, you look up, and think "Geez, that spell to see the sky had worked really well!" 18. When you hold the escalator very tight in case it moves sideways... what, it moves up why can't it move in other directions? 19. When you see someone with a huge beard you think 'Hagrid" 20. When you keep waiting for your strictest teacher to turn into a cat. 21. When you wave a twig you randomly picked up to see if sparks come out of it. 22. When you've written at least 2 fanfics of it. 23. When you haven't written any fanfics... they're biographies! 24. When you're mad, you mutter "poxie droppings" or something of that sort (Look up 'Wizard Swears' on Youtube!) 25. When you are able to quote long passages of Harry Potter aloud as if it were shakespeare 26. When you've been to 27. When you turn on a light, you think "Lumos" 28. When you turn it off, you think "Nox" 29. When you are able to draw the Dark Mark 30. When you've memorized the Tale of the Three Brothers 31. When you have deeply reflected on the Tales of Beetle the Bard and found morals and values of ancient wizards. 32. When you have gotten a friend (coughFabicough) deeply obsessed with the series 33. When you immidiately think of magic when you get a tough problem 34. When you want to "Crucio!" your math/reading/spanish/science/etc. during a boring lesson 35. When you have actually yelled Crucio/Avada Kedavra out loud in the middle of class. You may be obsessed with Lord of the Rings if: Your sibling will say "You're so obsessed with LOTR. And I know you have a crush on [insert offender here]" (And you're happy about it). You state exact elements of the books or movies that have been most certainly been copied by Harry Potter (Cave troll? Frodo's scar's little warnings to him? Ring wraiths? Angst? A redhead best friend?) You smile and nod your head as you read this. YOUR GUY SIDE: You love hoodies. Total=12 YOUR GIRL SIDE: You like hanging out at the mall. (FOOD COURT! Or Designer Clothes stores.) Total=4 I'm a girl! WTF?! Well, then again, I'm a tomboyish girl. What High School Musical has Taught Us (Or at least the ones who actually pay attention...) This is a story about God. Read if you believe in him, and even if you don't. A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away. As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely. The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t re-post it? Re-post this if you truly believe in God, and even if you don't. Even when you can’t see him GOD is there! If you believe in GOD put this in your profile If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this, because in the Bible it says, ‘If you deny me, I will deny you in front of my Father in the gates of Heaven he plunged into enemy territory I’ve heard legends of that person I’ve heard legends of that person Revered by many -- I, too, revere him Now that person Now that person stands at my side And as we face each other in battle, locked in combat Marth's story Why do they call me gay? I fell in love with a wonderful girl when my life wasn't a war. Her name was Sheeda, and she was so beautiful. I loved her very much, and I think she loved me back. But then, she was killed, her last word was my name. I cried until my eyes ran dry. My sister and I were both in danger, she knew she was going to die, but she didn't tell me. She simply gave me her tiara and said to remeber her. And then she left me like Sheeda did. I wear it to remind myself of her, and I don't cut my hair as a sign of remeberance. Yet even though I try to be a good man, everyone laughs at me. They tease me for my sister's crown. They call me gay, or tease me for my name by calling me "Martha". They treat me like a freak because they don't know my past. Did I do something wrong? Did I make them mad? If I did, I'm sorry. I'm sorry my hair isn't short like other boys. I'm sorry that I'm sensitive because I don't want to turn bitter. I'm sorry that I have my own identity, and that It's not good enough for you. I'm sorry. Pit's Story Why do people deem me gay? Is it because I'm an angel? I can't help but be one. It's who I am. I'm sorry for looking like me. Why am I the main subject of yaoi? Is it because I'm one of the nicest guys around? I can't help but be nice. It's who I am. I'm sorry for being nice. Why do people say I'm cheap and weak? Is it because my recovery is so strong yet my sword is so weak? I can't help but be a tiny bit weak. It's who I am. I'm sorry for being so weak, yet strong. Why don't people just leave me alone? Can't they see it's not nice to bash me? I can't help but look how I look. I can't help but act how I act. I can't help but fight how I fight. It's who I am. I'm sorry for being me. PIT DOESN'T DESERVE SUCH TREATMENT!! The Story of Link and Zelda Why do people not like our pairing? Is it because of our classes? We can't help what class we're born to. It's who we are. We're sorry for being so different. Why am I paired with others? Is it because Link's a commoner? I can't help but love him, the Hero of Time. He's who I love. I'm sorry for being a princess. Why am I paired with others? Is it because Zelda's a princess? I can't help but love her, the Princess of Destiny. She's who I love. I'm sorry for being a commoner. He has saved my life. She gives me strength. He has saved Hyrule. She is a just and wise ruler. Our fates have intertwined. Our hearts have forged a golden bond. Yet, many still hate our love. We can't help but fall in love. It's who we are. We're sorry for falling in love. ZELINK FOREVER!! Lucas' story Why do they call me a wuss? I was brave, until my mother, who died and left my brother and I to fend for oursleves. Animals were my only comfort. One of my best friends was a dog named Boney. My life went up in flames when I was forced to kill the only person that I loved and cared about me. I had to kill my own brother to save everyone. So now no one that I loved is left besides the creatures that cared about me. Even though I try to be stronger, everyone hates me. They tease me for the day I was with Ness, My only other friend. When Wario came and took him. I was scared and worried, and didn't know what to do. I ran so I wouldn't have to see Ness leave me Like my Mother and Brother. But now everyone calls me a wuss. They call me a horrible word that I don't want to ever let come from my mouth. They call me it because I don't want to fight. Was I being a bad person? Was there anything else I could do? If there was, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that no one taught me to be brave. I'm sorry no one loved me. I'm sorry that the only thing I could do was run away. I'm sorry that no one could help me to be the person you want me to be. I'm sorry. Roy's story Why do they call me a clone? I can't control what I do in a game. I'm not the one who wanted to have it be this way. I didn't want it like this! If I had it how I wanted, no one would be hurt! The planet would never have fighting! Peace would be the only thing to spread! And I could be who I want to! I wouldn't be forgotten. I wouldn't be a copy. I wouldn't be someone's puppet. When I was somewhat cared about, was I not good enough? When I was in a Super smash bros game, was I not doing my best? If I wasn't I'm sorry. I'm sorry I don't get a say in anything I do. I'm sorry I'm just a play-thing to you. I'm sorry I can't have one unique thing about me to please you. I'm sorry Meta knight's story Why do they call me cold? I used to open and friendly had a friend who treated me like a living being with feelings and a heart. His Name was Jerca, and he saw something in me. He cared about me and he felt like a brother to me. We were both in the army, and fought side by side. But then, when true danger struck across our homeland, he was captured and I was left to feel like I was the cause of his death. But then, he came back, and I was overly joyful. . .until I saw that our enemy had turned him into a monster. I couldn't stand to see him like this. I had to do the one thing that I swore I never wanted to do. In no time, my sword had gone through his chest. He gained some sense and while his heart pumped just a few more beats, he put something in my trembling glove. A locket, when I opened it, it was a picture of a baby. He breathed out that it was his son, his love for the baby was what set him free of the curse. Then he died. I didn't want that to ever happen to anyone I knew or cared about ever again. So I decided not to love anymore. I don't want to be left hurting like that again. Does that make me cold-hearted? Does that mean you think I'm being mean? If it does, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you didn't know that when no one's around, I cry like a baby, wishing someone would hold me. I'm sorry I was never shown not to feel this way. I'm sorry that you don't understand, and that you don't look at me like Jerca did. I'm sorry. Bowser's story Why? They call me evil. They say I’m an evil witch. And they make fun of me because I was raised by one. Dark Magic makes me evil. I use my kids to kill my enemy. That makes me evil. They think I hate humanity. Truth is, it hurts. It hurt that my parents died when I was a baby. It hurts that the one I love loves someone else. It hurts that I was raised by a witch that kidnapped babies. That’s why I’m who I am. They call me an idiot, Because I can’t kill a plumber. They never stop to consider Maybe, just maybe, I don’t want to kill him. Peach loves Mario, and I love Peach. I can’t kill the happiness of the one I love. I only try to knock him out. Sometimes I lose it, and I do try to kill him. But can you really blame me? Samus's Story Why do people just play as me for my looks? Half of you didn't know I was a girl before brawl. And I forgive most of you. But not the ones who pair me up with EVERY. SINGLE. GUY. I love the stories you write. I'm just not that interested in guys. I don't want to be "the girl with the big chest". I want to be an example: No matter how much damage you take, You gotta keep on goin'. They also say that I'm a . I got news for you, I havn't had it easy. I was orphaned when I was 3. An evil dragon that killed my parents is coming for me next. I was raised by the Chozo, but they died out too. Excuse me if I'm upset sometimes, excuse me if I burst out every now and then excuse me for being cautious with who I meet I try to be nice as best I can I'm sorry for how I look I'm sorry for how I might act I got news for you I didn't get so many choices... Peach's story Why do they call me stupid? I have the brains, I have been ruling my kingdom for years. You call me stupid and yet you don't know a lot about me I've been an orphaned child since I was a baby and yet I managed to lead my people. Does that make me stupid and ditzy without a care for anyone's feelings? I've been the only human in my kingdom for many years Being the only one makes you feel lonely. I'm not stupid enough to not know what feelings are. It's not my fault I was born with this hair colour and I like this dress. That's the way I am That's my identity I'm not some slut that goes for boys. I'm a princess and that's what I have been born to. I'm sorry I don't like violence and don't defend myself when Bowser attacks I'm sorry that I care for my people and I am willing to risk my freedom for them. I'm sorry that you hate me and think I'm stupid for falling for a plumber I'm sorry that I'm polite and friendly to everyone despite their natures I'm sorry Even though some characters aren't real, people treat them like trash. If you know that the stuff said about these characters in this poem is true, put this in your profile. Deck of Cards It was quiet that day, the guns and the mortars, and land mines for some reason hadn't been heard. The young soldier knew it was Sunday, the holiest day of the week. As he was sitting there, he got out an old deck of cards and laid them out across his bunk. Just then an army sergeant came in and said, 'Why aren't you with the rest of the platoon?' The soldier replied, 'I thought I would stay behind and spend some time with the Lord.' The sergeant said, 'Looks to me like you're going to play cards.' The soldier said, 'No, sir. You see, since we are not allowed to have Bibles or other spiritual books in this country, I've decided to talk to the Lord by studying this deck of cards.' The sergeant asked in disbelief, 'How will you do that?' 'You see the Ace, Sergeant? It reminds me that there is only one God. The Two represents the two parts of the Bible, Old and New Testaments The Three represents the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost. The Four stands for the Four Gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John . The Five is for the five virgins, there were ten, but only five of them were glorified. The Six is for the six days it took God to create the Heavens and Earth. The Seven is for the day God rested after making His Creation. The Eight is for the family of Noah and his wife, their three sons and their wives -- the eight people God spared from the flood that destroyed the Earth. The Nine is for the lepers that Jesus cleansed of leprosy. He cleansed ten, but nine never thanked Him. The Ten represents the Ten Commandments that God handed down to Moses on tablets made of stone. The Jack is a reminder of Satan, one of God's first angels, but he got kicked out of heaven for his sly and wicked ways and is now the joker of eternal hell. The Queen stands for the Virgin Mary. The King stands for Jesus, for he is the King of all kings. When I count the dots on all the cards, I come up with 365 total, one for every day of the year. There are a total of 52 cards in a deck; each is a week - 52 weeks in a year. The four suits represent the four seasons: Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter. Each suit has thirteen cards -- there are exactly thirteen weeks in a quarter. So when I want to talk to God and thank Him, I just pull out this old deck of cards and they remind me of all that I have to be thankful for.' Please let this be a reminder and take time to pray for all of our soldiers who are being sent away, putting their lives on the line fighting for US. Prayer for the Military. Please keep the wheel rolling. It will only take a few seconds of your time, but it'll be worth it to read on... Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands. Protect them. Bless them and their families. I ask this in the name of Jesus, our Lord and Savior. Amen. When you read this, please stop for a moment and say a prayer for our servicemen and women all around the world. There is nothing attached, but this can be very powerful. Of all the gifts you could give a Soldier, prayer is the very best one. Do not stop the wheel, please -- just send this on. The Crazy Hyperactive Authoress To-Do List: Created by Wolf (She-Who-Has-A-Very-Long-Name) 1.) Write Saw: The Musical. 2.) Develop the ability to talk to vegetables. (Brocotongue!) 3.) Learn how to "billow" like Severus Snape. 4.) Make action figure of yourself. 5.) Prove to the word that gay sparkly vampires are even more pathetic than they believe. 6.) Enrage obsessed fan girls. 7.) Scream out random endings when walking out of the movie theater. (I can't believe it! Optimus killed Sam and ran off with Megatron!) 8.) Teach monkeys how to skydive. 9.) Create first ever cheese laser. 10.) Have own theme music. 11.) Find the penny at the bottom of the razor blade and and salt-filled jar. 12.) Discover why Dora the Explorer's parents let her explore the world all by herself. 13.) Sing made-up lyrics to Christmas Carols. During the summer. 14.) Read Shakespeare. You know, like in Romeo and Juliet, where Juliet fights that lion, and Romeo destroys the giant space station, and they all go to Burger King...yeah, I don't really know my Shakespeare stuff that well. 15.) Also prove to the children how Santa sits on the throne of lies. 16.) If this isn't enough, scream "I GOT CAKE MIX!" all the time. (Nemesis.) 17.) Warn younger children that if they aren't good this Christmas, Santa's little Dementors will come and suck all of their happiness away. Run from livid parents. 18.) Use security cameras as mirrors to pick your nose. 19.) Run around with a Force FX lightsaber, claiming you are a Jedi that must slay the evils of the world. Then attack anyone wearing Hannah Montana apparel. 20.) Develop sense of irony. 21.) Don't die yet. 22.) Conquer the world with flying monkeys. 23.) Teach monkeys how to skydive, then start an airshow. 24.) Build a city...then destroy it with rainbow dinosaurs! 25.) Copy and paste this onto your profile if you're an insane authoress/author, too! (Give Wolf credit, though. Or face the wrath of the hard core unicorns!) My very own crazy authoress' to-do list (ripped off from Wolf, but these ideas are my own) 1: Write Godzilla: the musical (hehe, I already have lyrics for a few songs from Final Wars) 2: Write lists and publish them on ffn 3: Try to prove to the world that in reality, Godzilla: Final Wars is a better movie than Twilight (c'mon. I actually saw some chemistry between characters with supposed romantic attraction) 4: Try to prove to the world that in reality, all three LOTR movies are better than Twilight 5: Try to prove to the world that in reality, all seven (going on eight) Harry Potter movies are better than Twilight 6: I'd add more, but I think you get that I do not like Twilight. 7: Start up a bunch of random ideas on FFN and keep them on hold for months Things that Professor Snape is no longer allowed to do at Hogwarts: 1. Not allowed to sing “Black Powder and Alcohol” to the students. Especially not allowed to substitute ingredients that will result in napalm and methamphetamine instead. 2. Crucifying toads. Bad idea. 3. Not allowed to collect blood and/or hair samples from students or staff for potion-making. This includes Mrs. Norris. 4. Not allowed to train Hagrid’s pets into attacking Gryffindors. 5. May not call any members of the Ministry of Magic untrustworthy, corrupt slime. Not even Fudge. Ok, especially not Fudge. 6. Even if I still have the receipt for the last bribe I gave him from Lucius. 7. Must never tease Trelawney about what she puts in her incense. 8. May not sell any Weasley into slavery. 9. Gozer does not live in my supply cabinet. You’d be surprised what does, though. 10. The Forbidden Forest is not full of yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell first-years that it is. 11. I cannot trade McGonagall to the Death-Eaters for McNair, Avery, and a DE to be named later. 12. “Poppy” is Madam Pomfrey’s nickname, and not what she dispenses. 13. May not conduct psychological experiments on staff members or students. 14. I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born. 15. While under Veritaserum. 16. 'To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is a bad long-term goal to give Lord Voldemort. Or Dumbledore, for that matter. 17. Rodents are not entitled to burial with full military honors, even if they are "casualties of war". Not even Pettigrew. 18. Not allowed to add 'In accordance with the prophesy' to the end of answers I give to a question Dumbledore asks me. Only Trelawney gets to do that. 19. Not allowed to purchase anyone's soul on school time. 20. Must wash my hair even if it tampers with my 'Sampson like powers'. 21. Must not taunt the Hufflepuffs. 22. Not allowed to appeal to mankind's baser instincts in Death-Eater recruiting posters. God only knows why. 23. Not allowed to put up Death-Eater recruiting posters on school property, not even in the Slytherin Common Room. 24. May not make posters depicting the leadership failings of my chain(s) of command. Neither Dumbledore nor Voldemort have any sense of humor that way. 25. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Professor Snape. 26. There are no evil clowns living under my bed. 27. Except Peeves. 28. Nerve gas is not funny, not even at a Dark Revel. 29. Must not tell any Death-Eater that I am smarter than they are, especially if it's true. 30. Visiting Irish wizards are not after 'Me frosted lucky charms'. Now Flitwick, on the other hand, has a right to be worried. 31. Potions Class should not end in tragedy. 32. I may not produce or perform in “Hogwarts: The Full Monty”. Nor may I encourage any student or staff to do so. 33. Not even Madam Hooch. 34. May not use Harry Potter as a body shield if Voldemort invades the school. 35. May no longer decorate the Great Hall for any function. 36. May not give Professor Sprout any plant named “Audrey”. 37. May not feed Longbottom to “Audrey”. 38. May not bring Moaning Myrtle as my date to the Yule Ball. 39. May not put banned substances on the Gryffindor Quidditch brooms just before a match (see attached list). 40. May not encourage Fred or George Weasley to boobytrap the Sorting Hat. 41. May not bring Longbottom to any Death-Eater function in the hopes he will ‘fix’ Voldemort’s latest potion. 42. Even if the resulting explosion will leave a smoking crater a quarter-mile in diameter, thus resolving at least two of my major problems. 43. May not send a charmed rubber rat across the floor of the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom in hopes that Lupin will chase it. 44. Or send Sirius Black a flea collar in Extra Large. Though he could use it. “Dances with wolves, sleeps with fleas”. 45. When asked to give a few words at a ceremony or staff meeting, ‘Romper Bomper Stomper Boo' is probably not appropriate. Besides, that’s Dumbledore’s job. 25 THINGS I MUST NOT DO AT HOGWARTS: 1. I will NOT sing “We’re off to see The Wizard” when I am sent to the headmasters office. 2. Dobby is NOT Yoda is disguise. 3. He is NOT Gollum either. 4. I will NOT bring a magic-8-ball to Divination Class. 5. My homework was NOT eaten by a werewolf. Especially when my teacher is Professor Lupin. 6. I will NOT tell the first years to make a tree-house in the Whomping Willow. 7. I will NOT give Lupin a flea collar. 8. Nor will I leave dog-biscuits on his desk. 9. If a classmate falls asleep I will NOT take advantage of this and draw a Dark Mark on their arm. 10. Starting a betting-pool on the fate of this year’s Defence against the Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky. It is NOT a clever money-making concept. 11. I do NOT have a Dalek Patronus. 12. I will NOT teach House-Elves to impersonate Jar-Jar Binks. 13. Shouting “To Infinity and Beyond!” was only funny the first time I took off on a broom. 14. I will NOT refer to the summoning charm (Accio) as “The Force”. 15. “Springtime for Voldemort” is NOT an appropriate title for the school production. 16. I will NOT greet Prof. McGonagall with “What’s new Pussy-cat?”. 17. I will NOT send shampoo to Snape’s office, no matter how badly he needs it. 18. "Potter 6, Voldemort 0" is not a valid T-shirt slogan. 19. Even though they are easier to use and probably more effective, I will not use guns against the Death Eaters. 20. I will not charm Firenze pink and call him "My Little Pony." 21. No matter how funny it is I will NOT leave kitty litter in Prof. McGonagall’s office. 22. I will NOT dress up as Lord Voldemort for Halloween. 23. I will NOT ask Harry Potter if his “Scar-Senses” are tingling. 24. I will NOT call Dumbledore Santa Claus. Even if it is Christmas. 25. I will NOT tell Voldemort to “Get a life”. My movie's soundtrack: Opening credits: Dvorak's New World Symphony 1st movement (Excitement central) Waking up: Good morning song (from Singin' in the rain. I always love it, and as I try to be a cheerful person, I think this fits) First day at school: Making new best friend: Falling in love: Breaking up: Prom: Graduation: Life's okay: Death of a close friend: Mental breakdown: Driving: Flashback: Getting back together: Birth of a child: Wedding scene: Car accident: Final battle: Death scene: Funeral song: End credits: Deleted scenes: Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them. Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are the same number of letters? Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them? There are no stupid questions – just a bunch of inquisitive idiots. The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not. Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies. Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it. Don’t mess with me I've got a stick i had my soul removed to make room for sarcasm and I don't regret it. Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up. I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun. I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs. I ran with scissors, and lived! You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder. I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday. You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same. I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in? It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn! 93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy and paste this to your profile. Light travels faster than sound. That's why people appear bright until you hear them speak. Want to know who your real friends are? Mess up and see who is still standing beside you. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. With everything that you can do, the real question is what will you do? Don't drink and drive. You might spill your beer. I intend to live forever. So far, so good... Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. When life hands you a lemon, squirt life in the eye and run like hell. Suicide is Man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me, I quit.' Amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic. Forever isn't as long as it use to be. Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history. Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason I loved you. I was doing fine till I ran out of stars. To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch? Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over. I see regular people! I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me. FINE= the real definition: F.reaked Out I.nsecure N.uerotic E.motional It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look on your face Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hot-line. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5, 6. If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dyslexic press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9. If you have a nervous disorder fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later and if you have low self esteem, hang up; all our operators are too busy to talk to you. (what do you do if you're all of the above????) According to the latest figures, 43 percent of all statistics are utterly worthless. Don't steal. The government hates the competition. Tell the truth and run. Falling doesn't hurt you--it's the immediate stop at the bottom that does. (veeeery true) Smile! It makes them wonder what you're up to. Friends come, and friends go, but enemies accumulate. Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense. Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat. Generally, generalizations are wrong. Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make ye mad. All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative. If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be research. Ever wonder why doctors call what they are doing a "practice"? The Truth is out there. So what are you doing here? If you can't beat them, join them. Then take over. You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public. Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. The difficulty is not so great as to die for a friend, as to find a friend worth dying for. If you try to fail and succeed, what have you done? (think about this one for a while) Enjoy every minute of life. There's plenty of time to be dead. And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years. We don't live in the world of reality, we live in the world of how we percieve reality. Education is important. School, however, is another matter. Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to change it every 2 months. Girl: Do I ever cross your mind? Boy: No Girl: Do you like me? Boy: No Girl: Do you want me? Boy: No Girl: Would you cry if I left? Boy: No Girl: Would you live for me? Boy: No Girl: Would you do anything for me? Boy: No Girl: Choose--me or your life Boy: My life The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says... The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind. The reason why I don't like you is because I love you. The reason I don't want you is because I need you. The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left. The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you. The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you. The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life. If you want a boy like this copy and paste this into your profile. Best Friends When you cry, I cry When you laugh, I laugh When you hurt, I hurt When you jump off a bridge, I get a paddle and save your retarded self. Lol FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. FRIENDS: Call your parents and grandparents by Mr. and Mrs. FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number. FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone. FRIENDS: Are only through highschool/college. (aka: drinking buddies) FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough. FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter. Good Friend: Will help me find my way when I'm lost Best Friend: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions Good Friend: Will help me learn to drive Best Friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance Good Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away Best Friend: Won't let me go away Good Friend: Will help me up when I fall down Best Friend: Will point and laugh because she tripped me Good Friend: Will bail me out of jail Best Friend: Will be sitting beside me saying "That was awesome! Lets do it again!" Good Friend: Will go to a concert with me Best Friend: Will kidnap the band with me Good Friend: Calls my parents "Mr." or "Mrs." Best Friend: Calls my parents "Mom" or "Dad" Good Friend: Asks me for my number Best friend: Asks me for her number Good Friend: Hides me from the cops Best Friend: is probably the reason they are after me in the first place Good Friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too. Good friend: asks why you're crying Best friend: already have the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry Good Friends: Fade Best Friends: Are 4 Ever A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?" A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..." A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?" A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you. A good friend will help you when your confused. A best friend will act like nothings wrong but use "small words". A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend already has a shovel ready to bury the loser who made you cry. A good friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you. A good friend will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. A best friend will throw you a tampon and push you in. A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - girl - run!" A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies. A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!" A good friend has never seen you cry. A best friend won't tell anyone else that you cried...just laugh about it in private with you when you aren't down anymore. A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend already has you on speed dial. A good friend would knock on your front door. A best friend walk right in and say "I'M HOME." A good friend will give you a cookie when you're down. A best friend will help you plan revenge... A good friend will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough. A best friend has already hidden your keys so neither one of you will find them and will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste! A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds ass that left you. A good friend never asks for anything to eat or drink. A best friend helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food. A good friend knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story. A good friend calls your parents by Mr. and Mrs. A best friend calls your parents MOM and DAD. A good friend borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. A best friend loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...It'll turn up sooner or later." A good friend tells you she knows how you feel. A best friend just sits down and cries. A good friend asks nicely for your stuff. A best friend just shouts ‘GIMME!!’ A good friend waits to call you until a reasonable hour. A best friend calls you at 2 in the freaking morning. A good friends will pick you up when your down. A best friend will push you back down and laugh. A good friends will let you dance with your boyfriend. A best friend will yell 'No She's Mine'. A good friends won't let you do stupid things. A best friend won't let you do stupid things 'alone'. A good friends will take you to buy a pregnancy test. A best friend will stand outside the bathroom screaming "NAME IT AFTER ME!" A good friends will buy you lunch. A best friend will eat yours. A good friend will come and ask you to get a drink with her if some strange boy grabs you on the dance floor and you need an 'out'. A best friend will push herself in between you and the punk, wrap her arms around you, and say. "I'm sorry she's here with me, find your own date." A good friend will help you up when you fall. A best friend will pull you back down when you try to stand up because you pulled her down when she tripped you. A good friend will E-mail you once a month to try and keep in touch once college and life have separated you. A best friend won't see you for six months and when your together again it's like you were never apart. How to Tell if You're a Writer (this is so me...) -If you talk to yourself. -If you talk to yourself about talking to yourself (i.e. ‘I wonder why I talk to myself so much?’) -If, when you talk to yourself, you sometimes speak as if talking to another person (i.e. ‘Okay, so have you ever noticed that the word ‘deliver’ could mean removing someone’s liver?’) -If, after uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand in awe and say, ‘Wow, this is good stuff for sugar highs!’ (If you live off of sugar and caffeine. -If people start to notice that you tend to check your e-mail every day for a week, then suddenly disappear off the face of the planet. -If your e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random. -If, when replying to someone else’s e-mail, you are sometimes so random that you fail to address the original message altogether. -If you tend to collect the Bic Stics people leave lying around, kind of like picking pennies off the ground. -If, no matter where you are in your room, you never have to so much as get up to reach a pen/pencil and paper. -If the letters are starting to wear off on the keys of your keyboard. -If people think you might have A.D.D. -If you think it’d be cool to have A.D.D. -If you start constantly talking in third person, past tense. -If you think about making lists like this, and start giggling for no ‘apparent’ reason. -If your friends don’t even bother to look funny at you anymore when you start giggling for no apparent reason. -And finally, the number one way to tell if you’re a good writer: If you worship English 101. You are a writer IF... -If you talk to yourself. (Alll the time... Shakes head sadly) Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school, he told his friends that it was cool , and when he pulled the trigger back It shot with a great crack! Mummy I was a good girl, I did what I was told, I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye, I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another, and all because he got the gun from his older brother Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much, and please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush And tell my little sister that she is the only one now, and tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest, mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class, and never to forget this and please don't let this pass Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this, mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try, I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest, but mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest, mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack Mummy listen to me if you would, I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new, I guess I'm not going with daddy, on that trip to the new zoo I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid, I wanted to be an actress Mummy I wanted to live, but mummy I must go now the time is getting late Mummy tell my Chris, I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date , I love you mummy I always have, I know you know it's true Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you", In memory of the Columbian students that were lost Please if you would, pass this around, I'd be happy if you could Don't smash this on the ground, if you pass this on, maybe people will cry Just keep this in heart, for the people that didn't get to say "goodbye" Now you have two choices 1) repost and show you care for this poor girl 2)ignore it and you have just proven you have a low-down, cold-heart (Please just copy and paste this on to your site and show that you care) 1. Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. 3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back 4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. 5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. 6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway 7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls 8. Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in 9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to 10. Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering. A black man walked into a bar and the white barman said, "Coloured people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me coloured?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Post this on your profile if you hate racism A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle Girl:Slow down, I'm scared! Guy:No, this is fun. Girl:No, it's not. Please, I'm scared. Guy:Then tell me you love me. Girl:I love you, now slow down! Guy: Now give me a big hug. She gives him a big hug Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me. In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died. Copy this into your profile if you would do this for someone you love. 67 Thing Guys Need To Know About Girls 1. All girls secretly love a guys who can sing. (MEGA-Turn-On) Her name was Auroura Her dad was a drunk Her only friend She always talked to it Until her parents A bruise on her leg But she grabs her bear She sits in the corner Such a bad life Then one night Then her mom suddenly She thrust the blade The mom walked out Police showed up One officer slowly It must have been bad If you hate child abuse, post this on your profile! This about a little girl who was abused, if you care copy and paste this in your profile My name is Sarah I am but three, My eyes are swollen I cannot see, I must be stupid I must be bad, What else could have made My daddy so mad? I wish I were better I wish I weren't ugly, Then maybe my mommy Would still want to hug me. I can't speak at all I can't do a wrong Or else I'm locked up All the day long When I awake I'm all alone The house is dark My folks aren't home. When my mommy does come I'll try and be nice, So maybe I'll get just One whipping tonight Don't make a sound! I just heard a car My daddy is back From Charlie's Bar. I hear him curse My name he calls I press myself Against the wall. I try and hide From his evil eyes I'm so afraid now I'm starting to cry. He finds me weeping He shouts ugly words, He says its my fault That he suffers at work. He slaps me and hits me And yells at me more, I finally get free And I run for the door. He's already locked it And I start to bawl, He takes me and throws me Against the hard wall. I fall to the floor With my bones nearly broken, And my daddy continues With more bad words spoken. "I'm sorry!", I scream But its now much too late His face has been twisted Into unimaginable hate. The hurt and the pain Again and again Oh please God, have mercy! Oh please let it end! And he finally stops And heads for the door, While I lay there motionless Sprawled on the floor. My name is Sarah And I am but three, Tonight my daddy, Murdered me. Child abuse, MAKE IT STOP! Stupid Warnings: This is a list of all the stupid warnings on the products most of us use daily. 1. Children's Aspirin: Warning: Keep Away From Children 2. Peanuts: Warning: Product May Contain Nuts 3. Curling Iron: Warning: Do not use while sleeping 4. Candle: Warning: Warning, A burning candle is fire 5. Frozen Pizza: Warning: Do not eat before cooking 6. Blanket from Taiwan: Warning: Not To Be Used As Protection From A Tornado 7. Frisbee: Warning: May Contain Small Parts 8. Butcher Knife: Warning: Keep Out of Children 9. Railroad Sign: Warning: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted. 10. Hair Coloring: Warning: Do not use as an ice cream topping 11. Dial Soap: Warning: Use like regualr soap 12. Sleeping Pills: Warning: May Cause Drowsiness 13. Puzzle: Warning: Some Assembly Required 14. Japanese Food Processor: Warning: Not to be used for the other use 15. Korean Kitchen Knife: Warning: Not to be used in Children 16. On Sears hairdryer: 17. On a bag of Frito's: 18. On a bar of Dial soap: 19. On some Swann frozen dinners: 20. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) 21. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: 22. On packaging for a Rowena iron: 23. On Boot's Children's cough medicine: 24. On Nytol sleep aid: 25. On a string of Christmas lights: 26. On a food processor: 27. On Sainsbury's peanuts: 28. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: 29. On a Swedish chainsaw: 30. On a child's Superman costume: 1.YOUR REAL NAME: NO! I'M NOT TELLING YOU! FOR GOD'S SAKE, PEOPLE, MUST EVERYONE ON HER BE STALKERS?! Okay, fine, I'll give you my cyber name: Zell. 2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME:(first 3 letters of real name plus izzle): Zelizzle. 3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal): Pink Cheetah. 4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, and current street name): Lily Natoma. 5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 3 letters of mom's maiden name): Hilzesch 6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Yellow Root Beer 7. YOUR ARAB NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maidenname, 3rd letter of you dads middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, last letter of your moms middle name): Elicnen 8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mothers middle name, dad's middle name (boy: Dad's first, girl: Mom's first): Lynn King 9. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one of your pets): Black Shadow 10. YOUR HIPPIE NAME: (type your name with your elbow): ZAerll (Not bad, mmm?) Name 12 characters from any fandom and answer the following questions.(This is in a random order ) 1. Pit 2. Zell 3. Link 4. Zelda 5. Marth 6. Peach 7. Roy 8. Shiida 9. Ike 10. Samus 11. Toon Link 12. Jigglypuff Have you ever read a six/eleven fanfic? Peach/Toon Link? Can't say I have. Not that it exists... Do you think four is hot? How hot? Is Zelda hot? Well, I'm a girl (and as far I know am straight), so I can't really pass judgement. What would happen if twelve got eight pregnant? If Jigglypuff got Shiida pregnant, well, Marth would kill Jigglypuff. Is Jigglypuff a boy or a girl? I really don't know. Do you recall any fics about nine? I can recall several fics about Ike. And even more in which he has had a part. Would two and six make a good couple? ME AND PEACH WOULD NOT MAKE A GOOD COUPLE! See the question "is four hot?" Five/Nine or Five/Ten? Marth/Ike or Marth/Samus? I'm a Marth/Samus fan already, so the answer is five/ten. Is there such thing as a one/eight fluff? Pit/Shiida fluff? Nope, no such thing. Suggest a title for a one/eight hurt/comfort fic. A Princess' Angel Make up a summary for a three/ten fic. He's a swordsman from the past. She's a bounty hunter from a futuristic world. But they both fight for the greater good. And for one another. Link/Samus. What might Ten scream at a moment of great passion? Samus would probably scream "DIE, RIDLEY!!!" If you wrote a songfic about eight, what song would you choose? Supergirl. I don't know, but I think that Shiida's a super girl. If you wrote a one/six/twelve fic, what would the warning be? Warning: Angel/Princess/Pokemon whose gender is unconfirmed. What might be a good pick up line for Ten to use on Two? Samus: (to Zell) Hey, wanna come shoot Ridley with me? Zell: NO! GET AWAY FROM ME! Samus: That was a failure... Not that I wanted to anyway... I'm Ike's girl. Cuter Couple: Five/Nine or Ten/Twelve? Marth/Ike or Samus/Jigglypuff? Neither are cute. A Pokemon and a bounty hunter or Marth/Ike isn't really a choice. What would six say if they saw eight and three kissing? Peach: (Walks in to see Shiida and Link kissing) Cheaters! Shiida: Marth and Zelda told us to! We love them, not each other! How would you feel if eleven died? WAHHHHHHH! TOONY! DON'T BITE THE DUST! Toon Link: Aww, I knew you cared, Tetra! Zell: Wrong Toon Zelda. I'm Minish Cap Zelda, not Wind Waker Zelda. Which is a more disturbing pair? One/Four or One/Seven? Pit/Zelda or Pit/Roy? Pit/Roy is more disturbing! Pit/Zelda could refer to me! Would Four or Nine ever get sad if Twelve got run over by a car? Of course Ike and Zelda would be sad if Jigglypuff got run over by a car! They are kind people! When's the last time you read a fic about five? About Marth? 24 hours ago, about. (1) and (8) are in a happy relationship until (8) runs off with (5). (1), brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with (6) and a brief unhappy affair with (12), then follows the wise advice of (3) and finds true love with (2). Pit and Shiida are in a happy relationship until Shiida runs off with Marth. Pit, brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with Peach and a brief unhappy affair with Jigglypuff, then follows the wise advice of Link and finds true love with Zell (aww...) What title would you give this fic? Finding true love How would you feel if seven/eight was canon? Roy/Shiida? I wouldn't feel too bad. Write Down Ten Random Characters! 1. Pit (Kid Icarus) 2. Zelda (Legend of Zelda) 3. Chekov (Star Trek TOS) 4. Samus (Metroid) 5. Vio (Legend of Zelda) 6. Tetra (Legend of Zelda) 7. Frodo (Lord of the Rings) 8. Midna (Legend of Zelda) 9. Link (Legend of Zelda) 10. Ilia (Legend of Zelda) Seven kidnaps Two and demands something from Five for Two's release. What is it? Frodo: Stick 'em up or I'll kill you're best friend. And gimme that hat! Zelda: Vio! Please! You're Link's purple clone, right? Save me! Vio: You just did the worst 'gangsta' impression of the century, Frodo. Chekov can do better than that! Frodo: Yeah, I know. Can I still have your hat? Zelda: Don't give it to him. Frodo: Shut up, Zelda. I like you too much to want to hurt you, but I will if I must! Zelda: It's a freaking hat! Vio: Yes. It would just make you look stupid. Frodo: (puts hat on) yeah, on second thought, you can have it and Zelda. I'm out of here (exits quickly) Vio and Zelda at the same time: fail. Four invites Three and Eight to dinner at their own house. What happens? Samus: Hey Midna! Hey Chekov! Chekov: (Stares at Zero-suit Samus) Samus: Yeah, I'm in my Zero Suit. Midna: Well, what are you staring at? Chekov: (Stares at Midna) Samus: Let's go kill some Metroids before this gets awkward! Chekov: WHY DO I HAVE TO PICK BETWEEN TWO REALLY HOT CHICKS?! (Runs out). Samus: Him and everyone else, it seems. Midna: He's so cute! Samus: Speak for yourself. He's yours if you want him. You need to stay at a friend's house for a night. Whose house, One or Six? (At Skyworld) Zell: Hi, Pit, please stop flying and I really need you to give me a place to camp out for the night. Pit: You can come to Skyworld! Zell: How do I get around up there?! Pit: I'll carry you! Zell: Bridal style! Pit: Just come on, okay? (At Tetra's pirate ship) Tetra: Arr! Welcome to me pirate ship! Zell: Um, do you have an extra cabin? Tetra: Yep, but we be expecting rough seas tonight, matey! Zell: No way! I already got sick in the the Galapagos at night at rough seas! Tetra: Get off me ship then! Answer: Skyworld. DUH! Two and Seven are making out when Ten walks in. Ten's reaction? Ilia: (Hums 'Ilia's theme' and opens a door on Frodo and Zelda, who are making out) Ilia again: OH MY GOD! Frodo: And I love you, too, Zelda, and... what the heck?! Ilia: Zelda! You're a pedophile! How old is that kid? Six? Zelda: We really love each other. And he's my age, just really short. Frodo: Yep. Ilia: I'm telling Link! And I thought the author was a Zelink fan! Zelda: She is, she's just having a little fun here. Frodo: Let's make out again. Zelda: Even though your short, you're so much better than Link! Three falls in love with Six. Eight is jealous.What happens? Chekov: You're really hot, Tetra! Kiss me? Tetra: Okay, forget Zelda and Frodo, you're a real pedophile here! I'm twelve! Midna: Well, neither of them are pedophiles. He's just really short. Chekov: Still, Tetra, you're cute! Midna: You're MY man! Chekov: Why? Midna: Because you're kinda cute in a dorky way. Chekov: Doesn't win me over. Midna: You always listen to orders. Chekov: Um... Midna: And you've got a sexy accent. Chekov: ... Midna: Oh, fine! (bend-snap). I'm really hot, okay? Chekov: Yeah, you're the one for me. Tetra: Nah. With all the points Midna's made, I want you too, even though you're a pedophile. Chekov: But I love her, now! Tetra: Girl fight! (Midna and Tetra proceed to try and kill each other in brutal ways) Four jumps you in a dark alleyway. Who rescues you, two, ten or seven? Zell: Nothing could go wrong over here! Lalala! Samus: (emerges from an alleyway) Haha, I'm kidnapping you! Zell: Save me, Ilia! Ilia: Epona, come to me! (Calls Epona, who proceeds to trample her by accident because she doesn't see her). Zell: Frodo, I'm waiting. Frodo: Hey, Samus, I've got a ring of power! Samus: And what can you do? Have you ever killed anything? Frodo: Uh... not directly. Usually Sam or Aragorn or Legolas or Gimli or Gandalf does it for me. Samus: And besides, that ring isn't even yours! Frodo: Good point. Well, I'm pretty much done here! (Exits) Zell: Zelda, now! Zelda: Din's fire that blasts you! Samus: I'll get you! Zelda: Farore's wind that miraculously warps me away! Samus: Um... Zelda: Nayru's love that reflects your projectile! Samus: EEEP! Zell: Thanks, Zelda! One decides to start a cooking show. Fifteen minutes later, what happens? Pit: So as I was saying, you put the cooking oil in here... Audience: Fairy! Pit: I'm an angel! Audience: Your oil's burning! Pit: (whirls around and gets his wing caught on fire). Pit again: Oh f#@k! Three has to marry either Eight, Four, or Nine. Who do they choose? Chekov: Hi, who do I get to marry! Link: Me! If my clones can fall in love with guys then so can I! Chekov: GOD, NO! YOU'RE THE HERO OF TIME AND A BOY! NOT MY TYPE! Samus: Me! I'm hot! Chekov: But you wear armor a lot... Midna: When Link first saw me, his jaw dropped. Chekov: Yeah... I guess I'll marry you. Everyone gangs up on Three. Does Three stand a chance? Everyone: GET THAT TREKSTER! Chekov: (receives head injury the minute he is touched) Frodo: Why does he do that? Midna: I think the author is just parodying that Chekov got more head injuries than the other characters combined, and that was just in the movie. And he was in less than any of them except maybe Sulu. Maybe. Tetra: Fail. Everyone is invited to Two and Seven's wedding except for Eight. How does Eight react? Midna: Can I return to the Twilight realm now? You guys don't appreciate me. Zelda: It's not that. You upset Frodo last night when you made fun of his height. Midna: Vio insulted him about his lack of shoes last night. Zelda: Vio is going to get his comeuppance at the wedding. Midna: What? Zelda: You'll see. Midna: On second thought, I think I'll stay home (hides in a corner). Why is Six afraid of Seven? Tetra: Because Seven ate Nine! Duh. Frodo: Wait, why would I eat Link? Tetra: Um, he insulted your height. Frodo: That's it! I'm doing something drastic at the wedding! Tetra: I think you're short, too. Frodo: DIE! Tetra: EEP! Maniacal ring bearer/ six-year-old! Frodo: I'M ZELDA'S AGE AND A HOBBIT. GOT IT? Tetra: Ulp! Nine arrives late for Two and Seven's wedding. What happens and why were they late? Link: Sorry I was late. I was trying to hide from the horrible tongue-eaters getting married today. Frodo and Zelda: (Making out at the alter) Link: Oh my god, Zelda! Ilia: I know! Link: Tetra tipped me off that Frodo's planning to poison something or something like that because I insulted him. Ilia: And you came at all... why? Link: My clone here found me hiding in his bathroom and asked me to come to the wedding with him. Vio: Yeah. I say we drink all the punch together! Five and Nine get drunk and end up at your house. What happens? Zell: Egad, Midna! I didn't expect more guests at the we-didn't-get-invited-to-Zelda-and-Frodo's-wedding sleepover! Midna: Um, I think I know who it is. And I don't think you'll like it. Zell: (opens door to find that Vio is puking and Link is crying on the doorstep). Link (extremely slurred): AndZelda telllllllllllllllllllllllllls me "DDUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDDDDDDDE, gota ZEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL'S" Zell: Oh, god, he's drunk. The hero of basically everything in Hyrule is drunk. Midna: And so's Vio! That's bad. Vio: Hiy huunnney! I'm VIO!" (when he tries to rise and shake Zell's hand, he falls into the bushes) Vio: I'm OKAY!! (passes out) Zell: Explain, Link! How many beers did you have?! Link: THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Ionly hadddddddddd threeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Midna: I have the answer here. Zell: What? Midna: Frodo was mad that Link and Vio insulted him and that Link was late just to miss the part that the two of them kissed. So I heard he doubled the alcohol in the beer. Zell: Uh oh! Midna: What's worse, he spiked every beverage source available at the wedding with extremely hard liquor! Zell: Why? Midna: So that he had a surefire way of getting back at Link and Vio. They had 100% chance of getting drunk. Especially because they drank all the punch, which was actually pure alcohol colored red. Zell: Won't they die? Midna: Nope. There's no way that imaginary characters can die from alcohol overdoses. They'll be drunk for a pretty long time, though, from how much they drank, and they'll have horrid hangovers. Zell: Wait, what about Frodo and Zelda? Midna: Of course they're not drunk! They didn't drink anything at all! Zell: Wait, not even out of the toilet was safe? Midna: No. Zell: And so everyone else drank something at the wedding and now... Pit (Extremely drunk and is flying slowly around town): HEY EVERYONNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEE! II CAN FLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! I'm AN AIRPLANNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (crashes into window and faints) Zelda: (Making out with Frodo) Chekov (not as drunk as the others by a margin): HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY, SSSAAMMMMMMMMMMMMUUSSSSSSSSS! MAKOuttime! Samus (so drunk that she can't stand up): MAKOUTTIME, YEAH! Tetra (now pretending to drink rum): ARRRRR! ME BEST RUM!!!!!!!! (falls off the wall she was sitting on) Frodo: (Making out with Zelda) Midna: Other than Frodo and Zelda, we're the only ones sober. Link: CAN I JOIIIIIIIIIIN YOU LADIES?! Zell: Ugh. Ilia: (Extremely drunk and snogging Epona). Zell: Oh, no! Midna: Yes, this is going to be a long time before they all get over it. Nine murders Two's best friend (Has to be someone on the list). What does Two do to get back? Zelda: Yeah, Navi, I quite agree... (whimpers) Save me, god. Why did I agree to be her best friend anyway? Navi: You're my best friend! Link: (shoots Navi) Zelda: Thank you, Link. What can I do to to thank you?! The next day, Link opens his door to find a gift basket on his doorstep with a note from Zelda thanking him. Six and One are in mortal danger. Does Six save One or themselves? Tetra: HEEEEEEEEEEEEELLP! The volcano's erupting! Pit: Yeah, help. Tetra: Let's do this! Pit: Save me? Tetra: Um, are you joking?! You have wings! Pit: You're right (grabs Tetra and leaves) Eight and Three go camping. But they forget food. What do they do? Midna: Whoops. Chekov: I have a phaser! Midna: What good would that do?! Chekov: I could kill some animals, and in the mean time, let's make out! Midna: Good idea! What would you do if Number 1 woke you up in the middle of the night? Zell: Mmmmph. Pit: Wake up, Zell! Zell: Hi, Pit! What's up? Pit: You won't like it, but Midna and Chekov were caught making out. Zell: What?! EWWWW! Pit: It seems that everyone's pairing themselves up to the hot ones. Zell: (Angry look) Pit: What? Zell: Come on. Let's stop Midna x Chekov! Number 3 walked into the bathroom while you're showering? Zell: (Singing in the shower) Chekov: (Enters) Zell: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Chekov: Whoops... Zell: OUT! NOW! Chekov: It was an accident! Zell: I don't care! OUT! Chekov: Femme Volatile. Number 4 announced she's going to marry 9 tomorrow? Samus: Anyway, I'm in love! Link: With who? Samus: You! Zelda: Hey, welcome to the marital bandwagon! Link: Yeah... I do like you, Samus! Zell: Promise that you won't make out every night? Link: Maybe... Number 6 cooked you dinner? Zell: Aww, thanks! Wait, is this... a bullet?! Tetra: I be shootin' the fish with me gun! Zell: EWW! I'm not eating this! Number 5 was lying next to you on the beach, sleeping? Zell: Whoa! What's Vio doing here?! Pit: Hehehe... Zell: You actually flew him all the way here just to tick me off? Vio: Snore... Number 7 suddenly confessed to be part of your family? Frodo: So basically, I'm related to you. Zell: Whoa, cool. Frodo: I agree. Zell: Wait, what relation are you again? Number 8 got into the hospital somehow? Pit: What the heck did MIDNA do to get into the hospital? Zell: I think she got into a fight with Tetra over Chekov. Again. Pit: Doesn't she already have Chekov? Zell: Tetra doesn't know that. Number 9 made fun of your friends? Link: Hahaha, why do you hang out with all those losers anyway? Zell: Well, you're my friend too. Zing! Number 10 ignored 3 all the time? Chekov: Pay attention to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Ilia: Lalala I can't hear you! Lalala! Chekov: (Loads phaser and shoots) Ilia: (Lies on the ground, stunned). Two serial killers are hunting you down. What will 1 do? Pit: hayayayah! (Uses angel ring). C'mon Zell! Zell: (hops into Pit's arms as soon as he is done with the angel ring) Pit: Let's go! See ya, suckers! Serial killers: Oh f@#k. It's your birthday. What does 3 get you? Chekov: Like the tricorder? Zell: Aww, thanks! Chekov: My pleasure! You're stuck in a house that's on fire. What does 4 do? Samus: (Flirts with fire Fire: (dies down) Samus: Fail Zell: Seriously?! You're so hot that fire is awed by you?! Samus: Who's writing this quiz anyway? Me? Or you? You're about to do something that'll make you feel extremely embarrassed. What will 5 do? Vio: I would advise against that. Zell: This is coming from the guy who ended up drunk at three in the morning on my porch Vio: ...good point. But still. Anyway, that was Frodo's fault. Zell: You're the one who drank half the wedding punch! Vio: Oh yeah?! Who was flying around, so drunk he couldn't even see that he hit a window?! Zell: Why do you hate Pit?!? Vio: I don't hate Pit! I hate how he's after you! Zell: Listen to us, going on like an old married couple! Frodo and Zelda: Hey! You're about to marry number 5. What's 1's reaction: Zell: Well, Vio, the reason that we were fighting was because I was nervous for the wedding tomorrow. Vio: Yeah, I'm a bit nervous, too. I found Pit in the bathroom, crying his eyes out. Zell: ... Vio: He'll find some girl, some time. Pit: There'll be ZELL and ONLY ZELL FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Vio: Grow up, will you?! Pit: Tell Link that. Vio: At least Zell's not marrying a six-year-old! If she were, then I'd cry! Frodo: I heard that! (Pulls out cell phone to call the rest of the Fellowship) Yeah? Hi. Listen, there are two people making fun of me in the square. Get 'em, boys! Vio and Pit: Whoops... Ten hates two. Why? Ilia: YOU WERE F@#KING COMPETITION FOR LINK, @$$HOLE! Zelda: (cowering) Look who I married. Zell: Watch your language, Ilia. Ilia: I was hoping to go unnoticed... You got dumped by someone. How will 7 cheer you up? Zell: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! VIO DUMPED MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Frodo: Did he force you out of your home to go on a quest that endangered your life? Zell: No, but... Frodo: Did he stab you two inches away from your heart and almost turned you into a ring-wraith, and the stab wound still throbs every day, worst of all on the anniversary of when you were stabbed? Zell: No, but he did announce that we were over and smacked me when I tried to kiss him? Frodo: Did he force you to watch someone you cared about go plummeting off a cliff? Zell: He did throw my crown off the roof that one time... Frodo: Did he nearly throttle you and your best friend in your sleep? Zell: No. He's too nice to do that. Frodo: Did he turn you against the one person in the world who cared about you?! Zell: Wait, Sam was the only person who... Frodo: It felt like it! Did he lure you into a cave with a massive spider that paralyzed you and you had to watch said person cry and think you're dead? Zell: He made me cry! Frodo: Did he weaken you so badly that you had to be carried up the mountain to your destination? Zell: He weakened me a bit, yes. Frodo: Did he bite your finger off with his bare teeth while you were awake and then try to kill you? Zell: No. Frodo: Did he leave you with physical and psychological trauma that got to be so much that you opted to basically die early? Zell: But he dumped meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Frodo: You're overreacting. Zell: I guess you're right. Hearing what you went through makes me feel worse, though. Frodo: Zelda baked some cookies. Want one? Zell: The one thing that can cheer me up. You compete in a tournament. How does 9 support you? Link: You can do it, Zell! You can do it! Zell: You can talk?! Link: Just win, okay? Zell: What happens if I do? Link: I'll teach you sword techniques and how to ride Epona. You can't stop laughing. What will 10 do? Ilia: If you don't stop, I'll have Epona trample you! Zell: Your obsession with Epona is exactly why I'm laughing. Ilia: Wrong answer! Epona! Zell: (Still giggling, Zell runs and hides) Number 1 is all you've ever dreamed of. Why? Zell: You're an angel! Pit: What else? Zell: You're sorta cute... Pit: And? Zell: You're my second favorite brawler. Pit: I'm flattered. What else? Zell: You have great moves. You have cute hair. You've got wings! Pit: Awww, sounds like you really have a crush on me! Zell: No! I don't! Pit: It's okay! Half the people on this website have a crush in their fanbase. Zell: Okay, fine. ALL FEMALES READING THIS (THIS MEANS YOU, PALUTENA), HANDS OFF MY PIT! Pit: Well, okay... Number 6 tells you about his/her deeply hidden love for number 9. Tetra: Link's so... hot! He be my man! Zell: You love Link?! You were the one making all those pedophile comments! Tetra: Yeah, I hid me love. Zell: Well, go, Tetra, before Ilia finds out! Tetra: (Makes a quick exit) You're dating 3 and he introduces you to his parents. Would you get along? Zell: But I belong to Pit. Chekov's mother: Go back to Irina, sweetie. Chekov: Okay. Answer: Well, we agree... And I do love you, Chekov, just I'm dating Pit. Will number 5 and 6 ever kiss? Tetra: If I can't have me Link, I'll take me Vio instead. Vio and Tetra: (Making out) Zell: Does that answer your question? Number 6 appears to be a player, breaking many hearts. What do you do? Vio: And Tetra broke up with me then. Frodo: I went on one date with her before I met Zelda. She broke up with me after that. Zell: Tetra, I condemn you to date Vio... forever! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Vio: Why... Tetra: I want me Link! Zell: Shut up and go make out with Vio or something. You had a haircut and 7 can't stop looking at you. What goes on in your mind? Frodo: (Stares at Zell) Zell: Did my hair really come out that well? Frodo: That's supposed to be in your head, dangit! Zell: My hair does look nice, right? Number 8 thinks he/she’ll never get a girl/boyfriend. What will you tell him/her? Zell: And Chekov? What about him? Midna: You're right. I'm going to go make out. Zell: Problem solved. Number 9 is too shy to face you and confesses their love by sending an email. Now what? Zell: (humming "Argonath" and typing on her computer): OH MY GOSH! LINK SENT ME AN EMAIL CONFESSING HIS LOVE! Zelda: Go talk to him. Zell: (To Link): Let's stay friends... Link: AWWW! Zell: There's always Tetra... You spot 10 kissing 1. How do you react? Zell: (Loads gun) Ilia: I'll always love you, Pit! Pit: ... Zell: MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEE! (shoots at Ilia) Ilia: Okay, I'm not touching him. Sorry, sorry, sorry. You notice that 5 and 8 have been inside that hotel room for MORE than a few hours. What are you thinking? Zell: Whew! Midna x Vio at last! Frodo: What? Zell: See, Midna and Vio are going to be a couple in FSFS later. If any FSFS fans are reading this, it's my little present. Frodo: Oookay... Could 1 and 6 be soul mates? Tetra: Could we be soul mates, Pit? Zell: No. He's mine already. Pit: And you've got Link. Would 2 trust 5? Zelda: Vio, can I tell you a secret? Vio: My lips are sealed. Answer: Yes. Number 4 is bored and pokes 10. What happens after that? Samus: BOOORED! (Pokes Ilia) Ilia: You just POKED ME! Samus: Yeah, I did. See what you can do about it (smirks). Ilia: (B*tch-slaps Samus) Samus: I'm a'firin mah lazah! (Shoots Ilia with Zero Laser) Frodo: That was ridiculous. Why the heck would you say that? Samus: First of all, go get a life. Or a question of your own. Second of all, have you seen YouTube Poop? Frodo: No. 5 and 1 are forced to go back to school together. What study will they pick? Pit: Archery! Vio: Archery FTW! Frodo: You guys are being stupid. Pit and Vio: GO GET YOUR OWN LIFE! Frodo: I knew Zell should've picked Sam for the list... Samus: You mean me? Frodo: Go hang yourself or something. I mean my best friend Sam. If 6 and 3 cooked dinner what would they make? Chekov: I like lazy stew. Tetra: FEEESSH! Chekov: WHY DO I HAVE TO WORK WITH HER? 7 and 9 apply for a job. What job? Link: Let's go apply for a job. Frodo: Yeah. Which one? Link: Spies. Frodo: Is this a crack at my height? Link: No. Teachers? Frodo: Are you kidding me? Link: Chosen heroes. Frodo: Okay. Link: I'm the hero of time! You're the hero of the ring! Frodo: YEAH! HEROES FTW! Now what does this job involve? Link: (Reading): I wish we didn't agree for this job. Frodo: Why? Rabid Fangrils: (Screaming and trying to chase them) Link: We're going to have to deal with them. 8 gives 5 a haircut. Is that okay? Vio: I LOOK HIDEOUS! Midna: Sorry! Vio: NO, THIS IS NOT OKAY! Midna: I can only say sorry so many times. 9 sketches what 6's perfect boyfriend should look like; will 6 be happy? Tetra: It looks just like you! Link... Tetra: Methinks we should kiss now! Link: That's why I did it like that! 10 and 9 are blushing while they talk. What is their conversation about? Ilia: Hee hee hee! Link: (looks away) Ilia: Okay, those flirting practices were a failure. Link: I agree. 1 accidentally kicked 10? Pit: (kicks Ilia) Sorry! Zell: Please kick her again! Pit: Okay! 2 sent a message to his/her Bf/Gf but 9 got it. What would happen? Frodo: Where's that message from Zelda that she always sends? Zelda: Oh, no! Link got it! Frodo: WHAT?! Link: Zelda, that was sweet, but it was probably meant for Frodo. Zelda: ...Yeah. Sorry, Frodo. Frodo: It's okay. Link: ...I shall never read emails from Zelda again. Eww... 5 and 6 did a workout together? Vio: (using the treadmill at top speed) Tetra: I can't believe Zell be forcing me to date you! Vio: What? I'm not paying attention! Tetra: OH LOOK! IT'S MIDNA! Vio: (turns around and stops running, then gets a nasty face-plant.) Tetra: HAHAHAHAHAHA! Zelda: You'll regret that! Tetra: Like I will! 6 noticed he/she wasn't invited to your birthday? Zell: I told you you'd regret it. And you made tried to hit on MY Pit! Tetra: Aww... Zell: Deal with it. Tetra: WAAAHH! Zell: Just kidding. Sorry. Wanted to see how you'd react. 7 won the lottery? Frodo: YAHOO! I WON THE LOTTERY! Zell: What good does that do? (scene changes to when Isildur is about to throw the ring away) Frodo: Hey, Isildur! Throw the ring away! Isildur: If we weren't already in Mordor I'd say go to Mordor! Frodo: Please. Isildur: No. Frodo: Pretty please? Isildur: NO! Frodo: Want five hundred thousand dollars? Isildur: No! Frodo: Want two million dollars? Isildur: (staring at the money and drops ring right into Mount Doom) Frodo: (hands him the money. Scene returns to present) Zell: How much did you win anyway? 8 had quite a big secret? Midna: Psst! Zell! I have a big secret to tell you! Zell: What? Midna: I'm going to have a baby! Zell: Who's? Midna: Vio's. Zell: Congrats. Why's it a secret? Midna: We can't be married... Zell: Why not, stupid? Midna: I'm a princess. By ancient laws I can't marry him. Zell: Then rewrite the ancient laws and marry him! Midna: Thanks, Zell. 10 became a singer? Ilia: (sings a country song) People: (Cheering) Ilia: Thanks to all of your kind donations, I'm buying every single orphaned child in Hyrule a horse! Crowd: (cheering) Zell: All the things one can do with power, huh. 9 discovers that he/she and ten have a daughter. How does 6 react? Link: Ohmygosh who is this? Ilia: Our daughter. (Holds up baby) Isn't she cute? Tetra: (weeping) I'm losing me Link! Ilia: Let's get back together! Link: You're the one who ditched me in the first place! Ilia: Wait, you're right. What would 1 think of 2? Pit: (Watching Zelda) Similar to Zell. Zell: You think? Pit: But you're blonde in the game and she isn't. How would 3 greet 4? Chekov: Greetings, fellow space traveler! Samus: Greetings, Chekov! Shall we go and sulk about the fact that we're being ignored in this questionnare? Chekov: Yes, let's! What would 4 envy about 5? Samus: I don't envy anything about Vio! Vio: Not even my eyes? Samus: No. I have awesome eyes too. Vio: Not even my status with fans? Samus: Are you kidding me? Vio: Not even my archery skills? Samus: Okay, I'm a bit jealous of those. What dream would 5 have about 6? Vio: (Screaming) Zell: What? What happened? Vio: I dreamed Tetra shot me and then made me fall off a treadmill! Answer: A bad dream. What do 6 and 7 have in common? Tetra: I really don't know. Frodo: I do! We're both from mythical lands. Tetra: ...That was the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Frodo: sigh. If only Sam were here. What would make 7 angry at 8? Midna: You're really short. Frodo: (Pulls out cell phone): Hey, Aragorn? Yeah, someone made fun of my height. Midna: Oops... Where would 8 meet 9? Midna: eee hee hee! I can't believe we both got caught! Wolf Link: (growling) Midna: I agree, spinach is terrible! Wolf Link: (turns into Link) No wonder we're in here! You have no sense of humor. Answer: Remember that scene in Twilight Princess? They'd meet in a jail cell. What would 9 never dare to tell 10? Link: What I'd never dare to tell Ilia? Ilia: What? Link: That I didn't want to restore your memory. Ilia: I knew that already. Frodo: What a fail! Link: Go back to your own questions! What would make 10 scared of 1? Ilia: (sees Pit and Zell) Hi Pit, wanna- Zell: (loads missile launcher and aims it at Ilia) Ilia: Just kidding! (scuttles off) Answer: Zell Is 5 Gay? Vio: Of course not! If putting an arm around your best friend and crying when they die makes me in love with them, then a whole lot of people are gay. Frodo: yeah. I can't even imagine what people are saying about me if they say that about you! Vio: I wouldn't look if I were you. 7 tried to take over the world. What happens? Frodo: Mwahaha! I am going to take over the world. Ilia: (shoves Frodo to the ground using one hand) Frodo: Hey! Ilia: Two things: Legolas is more popular than you, and you're easy to physically overcome. Frodo: Even with Sting? Ilia: Especially with Sting. Frodo: (goes off and cries): I LOSE AT LIFE! WAAHHH! Zell: Ignore him. Trauma spell. Ilia: He's traumatized?! Zell: Yes. Zelda: FRODO! WHAT HAPPENED?! Ilia: I'm going to leave. Like, right now. Zelda: YOU B*TCH! (B*tch-slaps Ilia) You need to borrow an umbrella. Which one; four, eight, or ten? Zell: Can I borrow an umbrella? Samus: You're kidding, right? Zell: No. Can I borrow one? Samus: I don't have any. I'm from space. Zell: Okay, then. You there! Can I borrow an umbrella? Ilia: Nope. Zell: Why not? Ilia: It's attached to my saddle. Zell: YOU had better have an umbrella, then. Midna: Actually, I do. Zell: Thank god. Midna: My pleasure. Answer: Midna. Frodo: Why wasn't I in this one? Chekov: Oh, shut up, would you?! How do you feel right now? Zell: Happy, happy, happy! Pit: As are we all! Zell: Too true! Frodo: We finally finished this questionnaire! Zell: For the last time, get back to your own questions! Sam: C'mon, Mr. Frodo. Frodo: SAM! AT LAST! Zell: There. Stop harping on you wish that Sam was here! Frodo: C'mon, Sam! Let's go burn jewelry! Pit: Come, Zell! We need to go star in another Fanfic together! Zell: Yahoo! Five is in a car crash and is critically injured. What does Nine do? Frodo: YOU SAID WE FINISHED THE QUESTIONNAIRE! Zell: I downloaded more questions. Now go off and make out with Zelda or something. Link: Vio's dying! Zell: Give him a freaking kidney transplant! You're his clone. Link: Red, get over here! Red: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Who would make a better college professor: Six, or Eight? Tetra: Hello, me college students! Today, we be learning about shooting! All students: (Collective sigh) Midna: Hey, guys! All male students: (Drooling). Answer: Midna. Ten sends Eight on a mission. What is it, and does Eight succeed? Ilia: I want you to make Tetra break up with Link and go back to Vio. Midna: Why? Ilia: 'Cause I want Link back! Midna: Are you kidding me? Ilia: Why? Midna: I'm the one dating Vio! Ilia: Whoops... What would Five most likely be arrested for? Tetra: Hi, Vio!!!! Vio: (Shoots Tetra) Tetra: He just assaulted me! Vio: Hee hee, payback! Tetra: POLICE!!! Vio: Uh oh... If you had to walk home through a bad neighborhood late at night, would you feel safer in the company of Seven or Eight? Random mugger: Come here, pretty! Zell: Guh, you're disgusting. Midna: I'll save you! Random mugger: Hello, hot stuff! Midna: Sorry to bust your bubble, but I'm Vio's (leaves in a huff) Zell: No, Midna, come back now! Fine, whatever. Frodo: I'll save you, Zell! Random mugger: Shorty, you're not getting in my way. Frodo: ARAGORN! Random mugger: Oops... Answer: Frodo Put your iTunes, iPod, or YouTube playlist on shuffle and match up each song with each character in order. Can the characters relate to their corresponding songs? Pit- There's a freshly baked cake sitting unguarded on a table. Does Three share it with Eight? Chekov: Midna, ladies first! Midna: (eats it and faints) Chekov: OKAY, WHO PUT SLEEPING PILLS IN THE CAKE?! Captain Kirk: Wahaha, I have you now-- oops, I thought I'd catch you in the act, Chekov. Chekov: You caught her instead. Captain Kirk: Sorry, Midna... (drags Midna to a comfortable bed). The Big Bad Wolf just blew over Three's house! Who do they run to for protection; Seven, Six, or Two? Chekov: Heh, I'm getting so much attention! Big Bad Wolf: Shut up and let me blow down your house! Chekov: (Runs for his life) HELP!!! AGH!!! Can I come live with you, Tetra? Tetra: The only open cabin is that one (points to a very small one at the bow of the ship) Chekov: N-O. Hey, Zelda, can I come live with you and Frodo? The two of you are living together! Zelda: Our home is yours! Chekov: Now, please don't make out in front of me... Frodo: We promise nothing. One and Nine must work together to save you from a tower. Do they succeed? Pit and Link: (exchange glances) Pit: Should we be able to rescue Zell? Link: I don't know, to be honest. Zell: OH, SHUT UP! JUST COME UP HERE WITH YOUR WINGS, PIT! LINK, DUKE IT OUT WITH THE GUARDS LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO WHEN YOU RESCUE ONE OF THE ZELDAS! (Awesome theme song plays as Link owns the tower guards. Pit, meanwhile, rescues Zell and flies back down.) Zell: And that's why you two should've teamed up in Subspace Emissary instead of with Mario characters. One and Ten are trying to defy gravity! Do they succeed? Ilia: Let's go defy gravity, Pit! Zell: (loads missile launcher) Ilia: ...Never mind, then! Four and Five are shopping at a crowded mall. What sections are each likely to go to? Samus: C'mon! Let's go to the Arcade! Vio: I'm going to the shooting range, and expect that you want to as well. And now come the questions that will not require the characters as much. Pit: Not even me? Zell: No. You've got to go prepare for the next fanfic that we're going to star in together. Pit: Whee! What would be a good summary for a two x seven fanfic? A hero of Middle Earth. A princess of Hyrule. Is it even canonically possible for two so different to get together? Frodo: YES! Zell: I wasn't asking you! Have you ever read a 6x10 fanfic? Tetra and Ilia: EWWWW! NOOOOO! Zell: Thankfully I have not. It is Yuri and Pedophilia. What would be a title for a humor fic about four and nine? Screwing around with a bounty hunter and a hero Make up a summary for a Three and Ten Fan Fic. Ignored... Unloved... by fans and canon alike... Can these two really find solace in each other? Ilia/Chekov Ilia: Eww. Chekov: Glad Zell won't be writing that for awhile... Zell: Or ever, more likely. The quiz is over. By the way, how did Two and Seven end up? Zell: I'm not lying this time! Vio: You better not be. I now have a cloned kidney. Blech. Zell: You're a clone yourself! Frodo and Zelda: (Making out) Link: (Watching them) I think they're still together. Sam: (rounds the corner and sees Link looking through a window) What's going on? Link: I really don't think you want to see... Sam: (Opens the door on Frodo and Zelda) OHMYGOD! MR. FRODO! Link: You're reacting better than I did. When I heard that they were together I threw up. Frodo: What's so bad about being short? Link: Snogging a girl twice your height is a little off... Sam: I never knew that you had it in you, Mr. Frodo. Zell: Neither did I. Sam: You wrote this quiz! Zell: Under the influence of sugar. Congrats! You made it through my profile! FANFICTION MEME! "Do You Read Or Write Fanfiction?" Both. Considering I've read more than 1500 fanfictions and started less than 300 (though most of those have remained unfinished), you can se what I do more. "When Did You First Start Reading/Writing Fanfiction?" September 2010 was when I officially started reading and writing Fanfiction, but I'd been making up an epic multi-crossover for a little more than seven years prior to it. "What Was Your First Fandom?" Legend of Zelda was the first one I formally joined on FFN. "First Ship" ZeLink, which I've shipped since I was seven. "What Website Do You Use The Most?" This one, hands down "What Do You Think Of Fanfiction.Net?" I love it, though some improvements could be made: -The ability to archive a series of fanfictions under one list -The ability to co-write stories -The ability to tag multiple characters. As in, more than two. -The ability to tag multiple genres. As in, more than two. -The ability to toggle things such as yaoi, yuri, OC, lemon, m-preg, bashing, AU, etc. This would be more to shut people who whine about these things more than anything else. "What Fandoms Have You Written In?" Take a look at the top. "Pairings?" See above. "Any Fandoms You Would Like To Write In?" See above for any I'm in that I have yet to write in. "Do Reviews Affect How You Write In Any Way?" Yep. When I get a lot of reviews, I continue writing a story. When I don't, I get discouraged. I also get many good ideas from reviewers. Kudos to them all! "Do You Use A Beta?" No *hangs head* I'm always looking for one though... "What ratings do you read/write?" I read all ratings, though I'm cautious on M. I typically rate my things T Because I'm paranoid. "What Warnings Have You Used On Your Fanfiction?" OOC-ness and pairing warnings. "Do You Have Any Squirks?" Bad grammar, troll fics, bashing characters, etc. one major one though: people who complain about there not being enough fics about a character or not enough of a certain type of fic. If they feel that way, they should do something about it, such as write that fic they want. If they need a beta, I'm always here. "Do You Role-Play Online?" I want to, but have yet to. "Have You Ever Stolen Something From Another's Person's Work?" I get inspiration but never steal. "Favorite Fandom To Write/Read?" Alternates. Typically Star Trek, whichnis my fallback fandom of sorts. When my obsession with something expires, I usually return to TOS and TNG. "Favorite Pairing?" My OTP list is available above. "Fave Writer/Writers?" -Pika Pika Pi (my sister) -More to come "How Long Should A Chapter Be?" However long it has to be to get the point across. "Do You Read/Write Drabbles?" Yes. I try, anyway. "Any Fandoms You Avoid?" Twilight, but I DO like parody fics. "Pairings You Avoid?" Not really. I'm not typically the type to seek out YAOI or yuri, but I'll read it sometimes. "Warnings You Avoid?" graphic sex, m-preg, lemon, unnecessary bashing, "Do The Number Of Reviews Tell You How Good A Story Is?" No. Sometimes terrible fanfictions get lots of reviews, although most of the time good ones DO get a lot. I generally look at said reviews to see before I start reading it. "What Do You Think Of Mary Sues?" I actually have sympathy for Suethors. I was one myself, much to my embarrassment and shame. I'm working past it though. I dislike Mary Sues, as they get boring to read after awhile. "Have You Ever Flamed Someone?" No, if I don't like something, I don't review and I stop reading it. "Have You Ever Been Flamed?" Never. Not yet, anyway. | |||||||
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