The Official Reasons for Unofficial Rules

So, if you haven't read my Official List of Unofficial Rules, I'd suggest you go read that first. For a while I was thinking about posting this on the Star Trek: 2009 page cause it seemed to fit those versions more than the Originals, but then I decided that this was were it all started, and even in the TOS universe, the Enterprise probably had its share of craziness. I won't do a Reason for all the Rules, but some of them. You can make requests for Reasons either here, on the Rules, or in a message. Some people have already given suggestions, and those are either lined up ready to go or in the works.

I understand that someone else did something similar a while back. I assure you, I am not copying them. As you are all aware, some of the Rules produce epic mental images.

I'll shut up now. I don't own any of the characters unless they are mine.

Rule #11: Do not use Sulu's foils to make shish kabobs, and don't use the warp engines to cook said shish kabobs.

Lt. Hikaru Sulu was glad he was finally off duty. It had been a long shift and he was tired. Not because he had been busy, but because the Bridge had been absolutely dead. Nothing was happening. The Enterprise was sailing through space as usual. Nothing but stars, rocks, and planets on the sensors. No other ships, no Klingons, no space anomalies, nothing. There had been so much nothing that Chekov had actually fallen asleep at his station, and fell out of his chair at one point

'It's days like these that make me wonder why I'm a Helmsman,' Sulu thought. 'It's not like they needed me up there or anything, the ship practically steers herself!'

He entered his access code to his quarters and waited the half a second for the doors to open. It took one glance to make up his mind, and Sulu was flying through the air onto his bed, landing with a satisfying phump.

Sighing, Sulu closed his eyes and listened to the ship working around him. It was never absolutely quiet on the Enterprise; there was always some kind of noise: scanners, communicators, voices, music, and above all, the hum of the warp engines.

A new sound entered Sulu's mind; the twang of fencing foils striking each other. He smiled and sat up. That was just what he needed to relax, a few rounds against someone. He needed some form of exercise before he lay down for a nap, he was restless. Sulu grabbed his gym bag and tossed his gear into it. He walked over to his closet where he kept his three foils: one for competition, one for practice, and another one for back up and to give to his opponent (or victim).

"Okay guys, let's go a few rounds…" Sulu froze as he opened the case. Two of the three foils were gone. Someone had broken into his room and stolen his foils! His competition foil was still their, but the practice ones were gone.

"What the Hell?" he cried. "Computer! Locate foil chip A and B!"

'So glad I had Pavel put locater chips in the handles,' he thought as the Computer worked.

"Foil chip A is located on Engineering Deck," the Computer reported. "Foil chip B is also located on Engineering Deck."

"Damn it," Sulu growled. "When I get my hands on whoever did this…"

He grabbed his remaining foil, and raced out of his room. Someone was going to pay.

Crewmen practically dove out of the way as Sulu went storming down the corridor with a foil in his hand. Most of them remembered the Psi 2000 incident, and feared it was happening again. In fact Dr. McCoy received more calls about the foil-carrying Sulu than did Security.

Sulu kicked the occupants of the turbo-lift out before they could protest (not that any of them were planning on protesting). "Engineering Deck!" he yelled. His foot tapped impatiently as the lift traveled downwards, almost too slow for the angry Helmsman. The doors barely had time to open before he was out and storming down the new corridor to Engineering, again almost taking out several more crewmen, and causing several more calls to Dr. McCoy.

The first thing Sulu noticed when he entered Engineering was the smell. Instead of the usual smell of machines, metal, grease, and whatever else his nose detected, there was another scent. Something was cooking, and it actually smelled good.

"Mr. Sulu, what in blue blazes are ye doin' down 'ere wi' yer sword?"

Scotty entered Engineering from the door behind Sulu. "Trying to find my other foils," Sulu replied. "And they're in Engineering somewhere."

"Why would yer' swords be down 'ere?" Scotty asked.

"Someone stole them," Sulu growled. "And since when was Engineering transformed into a galley?"

Scotty sniffed the air, and shrugged. "Heck if I know. I was called down 'ere cause someone was cookin' somethin'. The warp engines do get pretty hot…"

Sulu nodded. He had known Scotty to prepare meals using the warp engines as a stove more than once. The Scotsman claimed it made the food taste better. Sulu wasn't sure if that was true, but Scotty's shepherd's pie was really good. No one dared try the haggis though.

"Shall we find out?" Sulu asked.

"Aye," Scotty said. He started to lead the way, but let Sulu come along side him. Having a man with a sword ('I don't care what he says it is, that thing's a sword!' he thought) walking behind him made the Engineer uneasy. The two followed the scent of cooking food, and Sulu was able to detect scents of what was cooking: peppers, more onions, and… steak?

Scotty reluctantly took the lead through the narrow corridor to the main warp room. The smells were clearly coming from within; someone was cooking with the warp engines, and without permission from the Chief Engineer.

"What the…!"

Scotty and Sulu stopped and stared at the group huddled above a warp engine pipe. The group, consisting of three Engineering technicians and a Science ensign, turned and stared back, becoming frightened as they realized they had been found out.

Sulu's eyes bulged out in anger. "My foils!" Two of the technicians held his foils above the engine pipe. Each foil looked like a three foot long shish kabob complete with onions, peppers, zucchini, steak, and mushrooms stuffed onto them.

Scotty's face turned almost as red as his shirt. "My engines!" Droppings from the shish kabobs were all over the pipe, as were the remains of other meals that were prepared with the warp engine without his knowledge.

"Uh-oh," the four chiefs said in unison.

Kirk didn't want to know why four crewmen ran past him screaming as they were followed by Scotty and Sulu. Sulu brandishing his fencing foil in the air as if giving the order to charge, and Scotty yelling in incoherent English while waving what looked like two over sized shish kabobs. The Captain just shook his head, and reentered the turbo-lift to return to the Bridge. He would find out the reasons later.

So this is the first of many I hope. I'll try and update these on a regular basis. Go read my Rules, pick out your favorites, and I'll see what I can do ;). Read and Review!