Hey, I'm Randomness96 a kid from normally Sunny Australia! This is like the weirdest profile you'll ever find no joke. Have fun reading it!

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."

The black man turned around and stood up.

He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?"

The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Post this on your profile if you hate racism

COPY AND PASTE

if you are or have ever been in love with a fictional character copy and paste this into our profile.

if you are in love with any of the Cullens (men or women) then copy and paste this into your profile.

If your on Team Switzerland copy and paste this into your profile.

If you get upset when Jacob kisses Bella in the books even though you knew it was coming copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to/have SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

Ninety-five percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are one of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile.

If you've ever tried to put your hair behind your ears and ended up poking yourself in the eye, copy this into your profile.

Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile! (The most truest thing on my profile LOL!!)

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever heard of National Talk like a Pirate Day copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile

If, for no reason, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile (I do that alot and get very weird looks lol).

If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile.

Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same tune.

If you have ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile.

If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile.

If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile. (and in my iPod, and in my CD player, and in my computer, and on the radio. Music is everywhere)

If you have ever tripped over air, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a glass/door, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy and paste this into your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile!

If you ever wished you could talk to animals or be an animal, copy and paste this into your profile.

I want child abuse to stop, and if you do, too, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you can't stand preppy people who talk like this: "I like, can't believe, I like, chipped my manicure!!", copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever read a 250 pg + book in less than one day, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you love reading really long books just for the heck of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever sang the "I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves" song and/or "the song that never ends" copy this into your profile!

If you ever were told to go somewhere and you forgot why and you had to go back to find out copy this into your profile!

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, copy this into your profile

If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile

If you are good at annoying people (especially on loooooong car journeys) copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you ever get a random urge to start screaming copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever turned around and questioned how you got on those subjects after an entire conversation, copy and paste this in to your profile.

If you like me have ADHD (Automatic Death by Hyperness Disorder) copy and paste this on your profile

The electric chair was invented by a dentist. If you are scared now more than ever of dentists by learning this fact, put this on your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile to prove it's not just me who has a problem.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you noticed that the Kim Possible movie, So the Drama, has the initials, STD, which also stands for Sexually Transmitted Disease, and find that very creepy, copy this into your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica(real name)(i always change my penname)(tehehehe),QuickCookie, xx . mari . xx RANDOMNESS96 xoxoxo

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever lost someone you loved, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile :)

If you're one of those people who gets excited when you see just two reviews, copy and paste this into your profile.

If Bella annoys you when she gets all whiny and clingy copy and paste this on your profile so I don't feel lonerised :P

92 percent of American teens would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your ass off.

If you've ever totally screwed something up so bad it isn't even funny, copy this onto your profile

If you get bored easily post this on your profile.

If you think mustaches are cool and support Movember (which I don't think they have in America) copy and paste this on your profile :) (Movember is the official month for mustaches!!) (If u haven't figured it out it falls on november and it is when males grow mustaches and get sponsors to raise money for charity)

If you love Charlie's Mustache in the twilight movie and love charlie like I do! COPY AND PASTE THIS ON YOUR PROFILE!

If you agree that Awkward day is the funniest thing ever! copy and paste this on your profile! (Awkward day is when you add 'in your pants' or 'in bed' to the end of every sentence e.g. "how are you...in bed?"

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Make your mother proud, dont smoke pot or stop breathing because Abrocrombie and Fitch tell you its not cool to breath.

Quotes from Friends!!

Chandler: 'Ever wonder what hurts more giving birth or getting kicked in the nuts? You know since no one can experience both'

*While Erica is giving birth*

Chandler: 'Does it hurt?'

Erica: 'Uh huh now i think i should kick u in the nuts and see which is worse'

Joey: Who loses 57 coin tosses in a row?! Heads she wins tail I lose! OH!!

Chadler: Yes Joe?

Joey: I forgot to pick up my dry cleaning!!

Quotes from The Land of the Lost (I think it's Dr. Matt. IDK)

"I wanted to do that since I first meet you"

"You mean we could have been doing this the whole time!"

"Do you know wat this means?"

"Yes, Dr. Matt can SUCK IT!!"

Do NOT read if u have a problem with swearing! and stuff like that! Quotes from the greatest movie of all time THE HANGOVER!!

Phil: and where's that?

Doctor: at the corner of Get A Map and Fuck Off! I'm a doctor not a tour guide

~~lol~~

Tracy's Dad: What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas...except herpes...that shit will come back with you

~~lol~~

Alan: Not at the table Carlos!

~~lol~~

Stu:...I married a whore

Alan: How dare you she's a lovely lady!

~~lol~~

Leslie Chow (also known as that little chinese guy who jumps out of the trunk with a crow bar): Now give me the money or I'll shoot him and aaallll you motherfuckers and I take it. Your choice bitches.

~~lol~~

Alan: So I'm, thinking of getting my bartenders license

Stu's girlfriend: Suck my dick

Alan: No thank you

~~lol~~

Alan: I always though of myself as a loner, a lone wolf.
But when Tracy brought Doug home I knew my pack had grown to two, You know because I started and then doug came.
And then Doug introduced me to you guys and I thought 'Could it be?' and then my pack grew to 4.

~~lol~~

Alan: It's not illegal just frowned apon. Like masturbating on an aeroplane.

Stu: I'm pretty sure that's also illegal

Alan: Sure maybe after 9/11 whne everyone got so sensitive. Thanks a lot Bin Laden.

~~lol~~

Alan: Don't look at the car. Don't look at me. Yeah keep walking. I'd bash an old man in broad daylight.

~~lol~~

Alan: Is this place beeper friendly? I can't get a sig for my beeper.

~~lol~~

Alan (at Cesar's Place Vegas): I'm sure you get asked this alot but is this the REAL Cesar's Place? Like did Cesar actually live here?

~~lol~~

Mr. Chow: So long, gay boys!

~~lol~~

Mr. Chow: as he closes his car window slowly, his head trails the closing gap Toodooloo, motherfuckers!

~~lol~~

Mr. Chow: You gonna fuck on me?
Alan Garner: Nobody's gonna fuck on you! I'm on your side! I hate Godzilla! I hate him too! I hate him! He destroys cities! Please! This isn't your fault. I'll get you some pants.

~~lol~~

Mr. Chow: Its funny because he's fat!

~~lol~~

Stu Price: That is not Doug.
Mr. Chow: What're you talking about, Willis? That him!
Stu Price: No, I'm sorry, Mr. Chow, that's not our friend, he... it's...
Alan Garner: The Doug we're looking for is a white.

~~lol~~

Mr. Chow: Not so good now. Quid pro quo, douchebag.

~~lol~~

Mr. Chow: Oh yeah? Why dont you suck on these little Chinese nuts?
makes a masturbating hand motion

~~lol~~

Alan falls from the window of the car because the door on the passenger side doesn't open
Mr. Chow: laughs obnoxiously Funny fat guy fall on face!

(All the hyperlinked quotes are curtesy of imdb)

Random stuff that I find Hilarious!!

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it.

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.

There is stupid coming out of your mouth hole again

God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made women.

So many boys, so many reasons to stay alone

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face

When you’re down I may not be able to pick you back up, but I promise I’ll be willing to lay down right next to you

I hear your silence loud and clear

Children in frontseats can lead to accidents. Accidents in backseats can lead to children.

Why do today what you could put off till tomorrow?

How can i miss you if you never left?

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

Boys are like knives, useful but they'll cut you eventually

If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse

Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Help I've fallen and i cant...hey nice carpet!

"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do."

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive

Life is full of disappointments, and I'm full of life!

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Cheese… milk's leap toward immortality.

Life's Tough, get a helmet

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Can vegetarians eat Animals Crackers?

Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?

Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?

It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths

The cops never find it as funny as you do

'I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day, and tomorrow does not look good either.'

'May God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and a big bag of money.'

'Cute but evil. Things even out.'

'You're ugly, and that's sad.'

'Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
What the heck am I doing,
Talking to you?'

'I'm not mean. You're just a sissy.'

'I know how you feel. I just don't care.'

'School prepares you for the real world, which sucks.'

'Hating you makes me feel warm inside.'

'It's okay if you want to drop dead.'

'I would love to have a battle of the wits with you but you appear unarmed.'

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

1. Children's Asprin: Warning: Keep Away From Children

3. Curling Iron: Warning: Do not use while sleeping

4. Candle: Warning: A burning candle is fire

5. Frozen Pizza: Warning: Do not eat before cooking

6. Blanket from Taiwan: Warning: Not To Be Used As Protection From A Tornado

7. Frisbee: Warning: May Contain Small Parts

8. Butcher Knife: Warning: Keep Out of Children

9. Railroad Sign: Warning: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted.

10. Hair Coloring: Warning: Do not use as an ice cream topping

11. Dial Soap: Warning: Use like regualr soap

13. Puzzle: Warning: Some Assembly Required

15. On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Shoot, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

16. On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special)?

17. On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion).

18. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

19. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought??...)

20. On packaging for a Rowena iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time)?

21. On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

22. On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because??...)

23. On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what)?

24. On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious)

25. On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

26. On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, ooh...fly Delta?)

27. On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

28. On a Korean kitchen knife-- "Warning: keep out of children."
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)

29. On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my ..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity

QUOTES TO LIVE BY

1.) Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head.

2.) Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

3.) When other little girls wanted to be ballerinas, I kind of wanted to be a VAMPIRE.

4.) Vampires vs. Werewolves...It's kind of like pirates vs. ninjas, but cooler

5.) Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?

6.) Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in 'mother in law', they come out to 'Woman Hitler'?

7.) If corn oil is made from corn, where do we get baby oil from?

8.) "Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton

9.) "Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door,"- Unknown

10.) “A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.” – Unknown

11.) “Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.” – Unknown

12.) “He who laughs last didn't get it.” – Unknown

13.) Firefighter: At one point we decided to fight fire with fire... Well...basically... your house burned even faster.

14.) Oh god! They took my freaking kidney!

15.) When I was younger, my parents encouraged me to walk and talk. Now, all they want me to do is sit down and shut up!

16.) I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again.

17.) There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.

18.) Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap that jerk upside the head

19.) "Some people are like Slinkies. They're really good for nothing. But they still really bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs."

20.) Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Collin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu. I think its Collin.

21.) Friends will always be like "well you deserve better" but best friends will be prank calling him saying "you will die in seven days"

22.) You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

23.) They say guns don't kill people, people kill people, but honestly I think guns have something to do with it because if someone just stood there and said "bang," I don't think many people would be dead...

24.) I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes.

25.) Everyone has a wild side-me and my friends just prefer to make him or her public

26.) Guns don't kill people. I do.

27.) A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

28.) He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron.

29.) My imaginary friend doesn't like you either.

30.) Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

31.) Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS

32.) The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

33.) The spontaneous rally will begin at 1:45.

34.) Assassinations are an extreme form of censorship.

35.) You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

36.) I'll be rich and famous when I invent something that will stab people over the Internet

37.) I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

38.) I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh the fun I will have

39.) Somebody needs a Happy Meal.

40.) Did you just call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful! Thanks for the complement.

41.) Bella: Don't make me bite you! Me: So, you're a cannibal?

42.) Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing.

43.) AV is Addicted to Vampires

44.) There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird.

45.) 'It's always in the last place you look' Well DUR! Because you stop looking after you find it! HELLO!

46.) I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you.

47.) Although, chainsaw beats scissors, paper, AND rock!

48.) I am going to put an end to my procrastination problem. . . Tomorrow

49.) Shut up voices! Or I'll poke you with a Q-tip again

50.) To put it nicely, I hope you choke

51.) It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn

52.) I'm not insensitive, I just don't care

53.) If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem.

54.) The evil gnomes poked me in the bum wit a stick.

55.) Would you like a cookie? So would I.

56.) You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.

57.) Well the voices and I took a vote. It's unanimous; you suck.

58.) A day without sunshine is like... night.

59.) A rejected invention: Instant water! Just add water!

60.) Don't ever attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot

61.) Don't make me mad...I'm known to bite at random!!

62.) Don't walk in my footsteps. I walk into walls.

63.) I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!

64.) I do what cheerios tell me.

65.) I put the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional'.

66.) I'm hearing voices in my head and they don't like you! (Ha-ha just like Edward Cullen!!)

67.) I'm knocking on heavens door.. Voice in back round: Knocking? You very nearly broke the bloody thing down!! Me: That wasn’t my fault!! It was poor construction... I SWEAR!! Don’t look at me like that...

68.) If you wish on a falling star it might come true... Unless it's a meteor hurdling to earth... Then no wishes come true... Unless your wish was to be killed a meteor hurdling to earth.

69.) My Braces Are Stuck To The Carpet...

70.) Someday my prince will come he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

71.) Emmett's the strongest, Edward's the fastest, But Jasper can sit alone in a corner and still make people jealous.

72.) Okay...so there's this thing called retarded-ness and me and my friends, well...We've gone pro.

Random funny stories on Catholic beliefs (but dont worry thery're non-offencive and I am one so its all good!!)

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE . God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

The 10 Commandments I Live By

1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(why wait that long)

2) Thou shall not do drugs.
(alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)

3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Walmart has a bigger selection)

4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)

5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(everyone knows grandma has more money)

6) Thou shall not get into fights.
(just start them...)

7) Thou shall not skip class.
(just take the whole day off)

8) Thou shall not strip in class.
(Hooters pays more)

9) Thou shall not think about having sex.
(like Nike says, "just do it")

10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(just leave'm in the middle)

More Random stuff most of which I find hilarious

The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

Man: Have I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours and I go to mine.

Man: Hey baby, whats your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: If I could see you naked I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked I'd die laughing.

Man: So what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u next to i
Woman: Really? I'd put f and u together.

Take Time To Read Each Sentence

This is this cat

This is is cat

This is how cat

This is to cat

This is keep cat

This is a cat

This is retard cat

This is busy cat

This is for cat

This is forty cat

This is seconds cat

Now read the THIRD word of every line. X

Paste this on your profile if you pissed yourself laughing when you read it. And you know you did ;P

now for semoehtnig itnresitng...

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you could read that put it in your profile.

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.. I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2 People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3 When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4 When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!

5 When people say while watching a film 'did you see that?'. No Loser, I paid 12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor

6 People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?'... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7 When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8 When people say 'life is short'. What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks 'Has the bus come yet?'. If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

List You Favorite 12 Twilight Characters in no particular order

1-Jasper

2- Jacob

3-Emmett

4-Seth

5-Alice

6-Embry

7-Quil

8-Felix

9-Rosalie

10-Edward

11-Demitri

12-Bella

1) Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fanfic before?

Embry/Demitri No thank GOD!!

2) Do you think Four is hot? How hot?

Definitely all the wolves are bloody hot but especially Seth HE IS SOOO CUTE

3) What would happen if Three got Four pregnant?

I would throw up!! I mean Seth and Emmett that is wrong on too many levels to count!!

4) Do you recall any fics about Nine?

Rosalie? Yeah like a…lot

5) Would Two and Eleven make a good couple?

Jacob/Demitri? If you’re in to that type of thing but for me no not even if hell froze over!

6) Five/Eight or Five/Ten?

Alice/Felix or Alice/Edward…probably Alice/Edward they just make more sense plus that leaves Jasper for me LOL! :P

7) What would happen if One walked in on Five and Six having sex?

Jasper would get really upset and probably kill Embry, never talk to Alice again and come to me!!

8) Make up a summary of a Three/Ten fic.

Summary: Jasper and Emmett are best friends who live together in Forks when they need a roommate will they fight over her or have to fight for her?

Wow that was random. I really didn’t want to make it a love story coz that is eww!!

9) Is there any such thing as a One/Eight fluff.

Jasper/Felix?? Please Lord no!!

10) Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve Hurt/Comfort fic.

When They Weren’t There (Quil/Bella)

12) Does anyone on your friends list read Three slash?

I hope to God no!!

13) What might 3 scream at a moment of great passion?

DO I have to answer that??

14) If you wrote a song-fic about Eight, what song would you choose?

Felix……probably Behind Blue Eyes by Limp Bizkit coz I would imagine he would’ve had blue eyes and it’s a song about how he feels all alone and how he doesn’t really want to be like that. You should listen to it. It’s a little depressing but it’s good.

15) If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warning be?

Summary: What weird and wacky things will Jasper, Embry and Bella get up to if you leave them home alone? WARNING: DO NOT READ IF YOU VALUE YOUR INNOCENCE AND SANITY!

16) What might be a good pick-up line for 1 to use on Two?

Is your body naturally that warm or is it just coz I’m here? (that was a bit disturbing to think about) (Jasper to Jake) (I have another one but it’s too disturbing to even think about!!)

17) When was the last time you read a fic about Five?

Quite a while ago I don’t like Alice that much

18) "(1) and (7) are in a happy relationship until (7) runs off with (4). (1), brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with (11) and a brief unhappy affair with (12), then follows the wise advice of (5) and finds true love with (3)."

Japer and Quil are in a happy relationship until Quil runs off with Seth. Jasper, brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with Demitri and a brief unhappy affair with Bella, then follows the wise advice of Alice and finds true love with Emmett.

Wow that was disturbing

So marks the end of the sometimes disturbing Twilight fic quiz.

Hey So i was really bored and was listerning to music when I came up with this:

Twilight Theme songs!!

Bella & Edward: Green Eyes by Coldplay, Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison and many other people (Thanx to Raidermom) and Superhuman by Chris Brown. Oh and I Don't Care by Fallout Boy and Seventeen Forever by Metrostation, Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down, FNT by Semisonic, Kiss Me Through the Phone by Soulja Boy, The Poison by The All-American Rejects

Rosalie & Emmett: Kiss From A Rose by Seal, Behind Blue Eyes by Limp Bizkit, Anything for you and Wasabi by Lee Harding

Alice & Jasper: Solider by Destiny's Child, Cowboy Take me away by Dixie Chicks, SOS by Rihanna

Esme & Carlisle: Fix You by Coldplay

Jacob: I Just Wanna Live by Good Charlotte (thanx for pickin that up What.happened.to.Ellie.Creed.)

James & Victoria: Bad Reputation by Joan Jett

Bella to Mike, Tyler and possibly Jake and Eric: Secret by The Veronicas (Listen to it you'll laugh at how much it will remind u of them)

Pretty much every couple in Twilight: Bubbly by Colbie Calilat, Addicted by Saving Abel, You Belong with Me and Love Story by Taylor Swift, A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton,Halo by Beyonce, Two is Better than One by Boys Like Girls feat. Taylor Swift and Your Call by Secondhand Serenade

These wil definately come up in one or multiple fanfics of mine so YAY!!

PIC OF THE NECKLACE IN The Eighth Cullen chapter 6: http:///water_drops/water_drop_tight.jpg and look at the clear one with bubbles.

Lauren's car from Party Time!!: http:///Audi20A420Cab.htm

Luv Randomness96 :)