She stumbled into an alleyway, completely out of sorts in the snow storm but knowing her miraculous was about to wear off. Somehow she'd gotten completely turned around during their mad dash chasing the akuma through the city and now, despite having lived her entire life in Paris, she was in some unrecognizable part of the city with no idea what to do next. She approximated that there was maybe thirty seconds left in her transformation before she would be standing on the dirty street in nothing but her pajamas and without so much as a cookie to help Tikki recharge. Peeking her head around the corner and trying to come up with a game plan, she squeaked when her eyes made contact with those of a very familiar blonde boy. Retreating immediately back into the alley, she tried to find somewhere to hide, but ten seconds was not nearly enough time and she soon found herself shivering in a barren alley, staring into his green eyes as pink light flashed around them.
She closed her eyes as the last of the transformation wore off, trying to postpone the inevitable a bit longer. When she eventually opened her eyes, she saw him clearly. Adrien just stood there, mouth agape.
"Hey, there," she gritted out through her clattering teeth and gave a little wave. Out of every Parisian who could have been wandering the streets in a blizzard,of course it had to be him. She definitely hadn't gotten over her crush on the boy, but over the years they'd known each other, she'd at least gotten over her nerves around him. They were friends. She could trust him. It'd be okay...She repeated this mantra to herself, as she watched his face flash through emotions. Shock. Confusion. Awe. More than Marinette had the concentration to puzzle out in her frostbitten brain.
"You-You're-" He started to stutter, but all Marinette could focus on was his body. Namely, how it was wrapped in layers of warmth, with a scarf and mittens and a hat…
"Yeah, w-wow. Ladybug. M-me." She listed words hoping that it would speed up this conversation, but gave up when his face remained frozen in shock. She understood, of course. It wasn't a small thing to find out your friend was actually one of Paris' favorite superheros. If she hadn't been on the verge of losing feeling in about seventy percent of her body, she might have allowed the revelation to settle in more. Unfortunately for Adrien, that was a luxury she couldn't afford to give him right now. She waited another moment. Nothing happened.
"Adrien!" She clapped her hands to break him out of whatever stupor he had fallen into and winced as pins and needles shot through her palms. "I'm lost and freezing here. Please tell me you know where we are."
She looked at him pointedly. If he was randomly wandering the street at this time of night in a blizzard, he had to know where they were. His eyes came back into focus and he took in what she was wearing for the first time.
"Oh, god. Right!" He immediately started to shrug out of his coat, and she would have protested, but saw he was wearing at least two sweatshirts under it. She accepted it gratefully, burrowing into the wool that still clung to his warmth.
"Why on earth are you out here in your pajamas?" He started muttering to himself as he buttoned her up like a child. She didn't say anything. Her fingers were too numb to function anyway.
"Crime w-w-waits for no w-woman. Or for p-putting on p-p-proper w-winter wear." He snorted at her, but was still shaking his head as he started to wrap his scarf around her neck, covering half her face. He stepped back and then noticed her slippers, now soaked through with icy water.
"Mari," he groaned and she looked down too. Oh, she thought, feet. They'd been numb so long she'd almost forgotten. She looked up and he'd turned his back to her and stooped a bit.
"Hop on."
"Wh-What?" she managed, a blush warming her face. He looked over his shoulder.
"You can't walk in those. My house is a few blocks. I'll carry you."
Marinette opened her mouth to protest, but then realized that'd be ridiculous. He was absolutely right. She couldn't feel her feet to move them even if she wanted to. Which brought her to her real problem.
"Umm…"
"Mari, this is not open for discussion. You're going to end up with frostbitten feet if you try to walk home in slippers, and-"
"No. Adrien? I can't feel my feet. You're going to need to help me," she admitted with a grimace, and his expression lost its steely determination and softened. Coming over, he wrapped one of her arms around his neck and picked her up bridal style instead. She immediately grabbed the front of his sweatshirt with her fist and curled into his warmth as he started to trudge through the slush towards his house. She involuntarily shivered and he pulled her closer, using his chin to tuck her face into his neck as he made his way blindly through the storm.
Marinette rested solidly in his arms, and although he could tell she was trying to suppress them, her entire body racked with shivers. He pursed his lips and moved faster. Having been caught in the cold too many times after his own miraculous wore off, he knew better than to not be prepared; Ladybug was only now learning that the hard way. He pulled her closer, trying to will more warmth into her as he turned the last block to his house, enjoying, despite the circumstances, the feel of her in his arms as she huddled closer to him.
He was holding Ladybug. Marinette was Ladybug.
He berated himself for letting her stand there in the cold for so long, but having physically watched the love of his live transform into one of his best friends, he was speechless. He knew his brain hadn't even begun to process what had just happened, but he had more important things to worry about first. Clad in only a long-sleeve shirt, pair of shorts and cloth slippers, Marinette was definitely not prepared for the blizzard-like conditions that hit them mid-akuma chase.
As he hustled up the steps to his house, he was for the first time thankful that his father was so absent. At least it meant that Adrien could walk through the front doors at midnight carrying a half-frozen girl without having to explain himself to anyone. Marinette made a move to get down, but he held her a bit tighter until they were securely in his room. Setting her down, he made sure she would stay upright before he moved in a flurry around the large space. Turning up the heater, pulling the blinds shut, grabbing a change of clothes and a huge towel…
He walked back over to her, her eyes half-shut and teeth clenched.
"The shower's through there. Here's a towel and a change of clothes."
"N-no, I couldn't-"
"Yes, you can. Mari, you're blue. Go, I'll get you some hot chocolate to warm you up," He looked at her pointedly and she smiled. He knew hot chocolate was her weakness. She rolled her eyes and took the towel for him.
"Yes, sir," she fake saluted him, but he relaxed, her joking tone calming his worry. "Oh, and cookies," she looked back at him on his way to the bathroom. "For my... kwami."
She hesitated on the last word, but didn't offer further explanation. Luckily, he didn't need any. He nodded as she shut the door, and made his way to the kitchen where he froze.
Her kwami.
He looked back towards the archway he'd just walked through, as if his mind's eye could travel back to where he'd left her and he gulped.
Marinette was Ladybug.
His mind returned to that phrase, as if its simplicity would make the situation simple by association. He could hear the faint hum of the water pipes in the walls, and took advantage of the solitude of the dark kitchen to collect his thoughts. Marinette was upstairs, warming up and safe, so now he could let himself freak out.
"Marinette is Ladybug," he said it aloud, rolling the words around in his mouth and tried again. "Ladybug is Marinette."
A smile spread across his face. He liked the sound of it. It was perfect. His partner who he loved just happened to be one of his best friends outside of the mask, too!
He'd always liked Marinette. Nino often joked that they were made for each other, if only Adrien would stop obsessing over Ladybug. He had to admit his friend was right. He'd befriended her as Adrien and as Chat and was continually struck by her wit and talent and smile. Her smile…
The same smile he'd fallen for. His Lady had always been his one and only. If there hadn't been a Ladybug, maybe there would have been something between him and Marinette...but then she was Ladybug!
He couldn't keep the smile off his lips if he tried. For once in his life, everything seemed to be working out.
He was still smiling as he passed some cheese to Plagg, made a plate of cookies and poured two cups of hot chocolate. He was smiling just up until he opened the door to his room.
It swung open silently and he saw her. Dressed in his too large sweatpants and sweater, her frame was simultaneously dwarfed and accentuated by his clothes. Clinging to curves male clothing was just not prepared to accommodate but hanging in oversized heaps everywhere else, he watched her pace, entranced for a moment. Entranced, until he saw her face and he realized Marinette had been doing some thinking of her own and she definitely had not come to the joyful conclusions that he had. Then it hit him why.
She doesn't know I'm Chat.
In his own marvelings, he'd completely forgotten that one extremely important detail. For him, this was amazing, but for Ladybug, this was her worst nightmare. Someone had discovered her identity, an identity that she'd hidden even from her partner for the last two years.
"Mari?" He caught her attention and her eyes snapped to his. She gave him a small smile and moved to sit on the couch nervously. He handed her a hot chocolate and placed the cookies on the table. A small red kwami zipped out of Marinette's pocket towards the loot, but paused on her way back. She met Adrien's eyes, sparing a glance towards the pouch of his hoodie where Plagg was purring silently before looking back at him. She smiled, and Adrien could tell by the glint in her keen blue gaze that the kwami saw right through him, but she said nothing and burrowed back into Marinette's pocket.
"Tikki," Marinette spoke up. She looked a bit nervous, and Adrien belatedly realized she had been waiting for him to break the silence.
"Huh?" He looked up at her, still a bit disconcerted by the kwami's look.
"My kwami. She's how I have my powers. Her name is Tikki," Marinette took a sip of her hot chocolate and sank back into the couch, holding the steaming mug close to her face. She wouldn't look at him though. She gnawed on her lip worriedly and her fingers tapped where they were wrapped around her mug.
"Does it bother you that I know?" He finally just blurted out, done trying to figure out how to delicately broach the subject.
"No!" she sat up a bit and shook her head at him. "No, Adrien. I trust you. I'm just...worried."
"About?" he prompted and she sighed, seeming resigned to this conversation.
"Well, about your safety. If anyone found out you knew Ladybug's true identity, you'd be in danger...but…" she paused and looked at him a bit sheepishly. "Don't take offense, but you weren't exactly the first person I'd hoped to tell."
"You had plans to tell someone?" He tried to keep the shock out of his voice, but didn't think he'd quite managed.
"Not definite plans," she admitted. "But...I don't know. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and all my old excuses for keeping it a secret weren't holding up anymore. The last valid reason I'd been clinging to was that it might affect our partnership negatively, but…" She got up then, and started pacing. Adrien got the distinct feeling that she wasn't necessarily talking to him anymore and also that she'd had this conversation with herself before.
Partnership...Chat, he realized. She's talking about me. She was going to tell me!
"I mean, yes," she splayed her hand out, palm up, as if physically weighing her arguments. "If something happened and one of us is akumatized, it would be dangerous to know the other's identity. Then again," she raised the other hand, still holding the mug of hot chocolate. "You could argue that there has been more than one occasion where it would have been safer to already know. I mean, we could contact each other with akuma alerts and cover for each other when our miraculous wears out. Like tonight!" She pointed to him and he jumped as she suddenly focused in on him. "If Chat knew who I was, he could have helped me get home. Thank god you happened to be out for a walk, or I would be frozen in an alley right now."
She shook her head, but thankfully hadn't thought to question him further as to why he'd decided to take a walk in a blizzard. He couldn't help but smirk, hearing her last comment and knowing that Chat had helped her get home, but he didn't want her to stop just yet
She was still in her own world though and continued to pace as Adrien fought to level out his expression. All he could think was he listened to her was She'd wanted to tell Chat. Him! She'd given it serious thought lately, and was on the verge of letting go of her belief in the importance of their anonymity with each other.
"But then, does the convenience of outweigh the risks?" She finished and got lost in her own thoughts, but Adrien had to know.
"Risks?" he prompted softly, trying not to shatter her stream of consciousness.
"I don't want him to treat me differently," she admitted, but wouldn't meet his eyes. "He's my partner, and we're equals, but he's the fall-guy. He has to be. I alone have the power to cleanse the akuma, so everytime it comes down to it, he takes the hit so I can save the day. I hate it, but that's how it is. It's a careful dynamic, but it works to keep everyone safe," she took a calming breath but continued. "It works because I'm Ladybug, and I'm good at it and everyone accepts that. He takes the hit when necessary because he knows I can handle myself. With the mask, no one questions whether or not I'm capable. Without the mask…" she hesitated and Adrien got the feeling that she was admitting this all for the first time out loud.
"I'm just a girl," she finally said, her shoulders dropping at the admission. "A clumsy one at that. I'm confident in who I am, but can you imagine how capable most people would think just Marinette is?"
She paused her pacing to look at him as his jaw dropped.
"But-But, they'd be wrong!"
"Of course they would, but that's not the point. Preconceived notions like that are hard to get rid of, even when you're aware of them. The reality is that I'm a seventeen year-old girl. Ladybug has an air of mystery around her. She could be centuries old for all anyone knows and has magical powers. But me? I'd have to work twice as hard to prove as Marinette what most people just accept from Ladybug."
She walked over and plopped down next to him on the coach, placing the now-empty mug on the table and tucking her legs beneath her.
"You're…" he paused to collect his thoughts, processing a reason for her secrecy that he'd never considered before. "You're worried Chat would...underestimate you if he knew who you really were?"
She hesitated, choosing her words carefully, before responding.
"In the beginning? Maybe. Now? No. We've known each other long enough and I really doubt he'd think that way, but I don't know for sure. I love my partner, and there is no one I trust more, but sometimes these things are just ingrained in you. Biases and stereotypes can be changed, but when you grow up in a culture or a society that has a certain point of view, you can't just flip a switch and change that. It takes time and constant vigilance. Look," she took a deep breath and tried again. "What I'm saying is, right now Chat sees me as Ladybug, the mysterious and powerful superhero. He trusts me to have his back and together, we keep Paris safe. I don't know how finding out I'm just a normal girl is going to affect that. Even if he doesn't consciously do so, will he try to protect me more? Put himself in more dangerous situations just to keep me safe?"
"Doesn't he do that already?" Adrien was struggling to follow her line of thought, or at least struggling to see it as a bad thing.
"Yes, but he also respects my voice when I say no. If I say I can handle something, he doesn't even hesitate to go tackle the next issue. He doesn't waste time arguing. Like, for instance tonight!" She gestured to him with an open palm. "You found me half-frozen in an alley and told me to hop on your back. When I went to respond, you thought I was going to say no, and started to argue. I wasn't of course, but you saw me as a damsel in distress in that moment. Don't get me wrong," she hastened to add. "I'm extremely grateful for your help and you are an amazing friend for everything you've done tonight, but the point is you saw me open my mouth to possibly say no and decided in that moment that you knew what was best for me. Maybe this is a bad example, because I wasn't actually going to argue, but what I'm trying to say is that I'm worried about this damsel in distress mentality affecting my partnership with Chat. Seeing someone in trouble and wanting to help is not a bad thing, but as Ladybug, I need Chat Noir to help me as my equal and not go into full protector mode every time we're in danger."
"You're not some damsel in distress," he responded, but was starting to get the picture. She was right. As soon as the shock of seeing her transform wore off, he went into full 'protector mode', wrapping her in a jacket and swooping her into his arms. Would knowing she was his friend Marinette change how he was with Ladybug? He had to admit, the idea of clumsy Marinette having the grace and abilities of Ladybug was a hard reality to rectify...he'd always seen her strength in her determination, but in battle? Knowing they were the same person did not make it suddenly simple to imagine her in that role.
"Well, tonight I may have been," she chuckled, answering his muttered response and giving him a smile. "But in the heat of a battle, I need Chat to worry about me just like I worry about him, but to trust that I'm every bit as capable as I ever was. I'm worried about compromising that and putting us both, and the people we're trying to protect, in more danger because of it."
She leaned back into the couch then, seeming deflated by her own confession, and Adrien got it. All these years, he'd been saddened and sometimes a bit annoyed by her reluctance to tell him who she really was. A part of him hoped maybe it was some phase that would pass by, but he should have known better than to expect it to be something so shallow from his Lady.
"Sorry about dropping all that on you," he looked over to see her abashed expression. "You asked a simple question, and then the dams just opened up."
"No, I'm really glad you told me," he answered earnestly, although Marinette probably thought he was just being a good friend. "I'm sorry if Chat ever made you feel that way."
"No!" She sat completely up and there was a fervent adamance in her voice. "No, he would never. Chat never gave me any reason to suspect that he'd do anything to question me, and more and more I'm resolved in my conviction that he wouldn't. That's why I said I was running out of excuses not to tell him. But," her voice softened. "Once burned, twice shy, you know? We've been friends for years now, you've seen what a spaz I can be in my day to day life. I don't exactly have the Ladybug grace out of the suit, so I've been underestimated as Marinette more than once. I'm just being overly cautious."
He studied her then and realized now wasn't the time to tell her. Not yet.
"I think your reasons are valid," he started. "It's hard for me to really understand because I've never been in your shoes, but I get what you're saying to me."
"You think I should tell him, though," she met his eyes finally and he hazarded a nod.
"I think, from what you've said, that it's obvious you trust him and he doesn't seem like the kind of person who would purposely alter the dynamic between you two, especially if you explained to him your fears."
"Yeah," she sighed and leaned back, looking towards the ceiling in concentration.
"I want to," she spoke after a long pause. "I want him to know who I am. I have for a while now. I've never been really comfortable keeping secrets from the people I love," she gave an ironic laugh and turned her head to look at him. "Good thing I have a superhero secret identity, right?"
Her eyes sparkled at him, but he couldn't quite breathe as he processed her words. He knew she loved Chat as a friend, but she'd never quite said it in that tone before.
"I'm sure the people you love would understand you keeping this particular secret," he cleared his throat as it felt increasingly tight under the emotions he was suppressing and tried not to obsess over whether or not she'd just admitted that she was in love with Chat.
"You do?" She asked, and he tried to remember to breathe as she placed Adrien firmly in her people I love category.
"I do," he replied. "Can I ask one more question?"
"Only if you're prepared for another hour-long answer," she retorted, smiling sheepishly over at him and he felt his heart flip a bit, but she continued. "Shoot."
He just had to know.
"Do you love him?"
"Good thing I have a superhero secret identity, right?" She looked over at him and aimed for a joking tone, trying to cover the longing way she'd just talked about Chat. She'd admitted to herself that she was in love with him, but she'd never said it out loud before. Her previous statement was sounding too close to an confession for her comfort.
"I'm sure the people you love would understand you keeping this particular secret," Adrien cleared his throat, but noticing the phrasing of his sentence, she seized on a moment of boldness and responded.
"You do?" She asked. She and Adrien were close friends, but she didn't think she'd ever explicitly told him she loved him. While he'd probably assume she meant it in the platonic way, she tried to imbue her words with as much of her true meaning as she dared.
"I do," he replied, and she smiled, hearing two words he'd only said to her in her dreams. "Can I ask one more question?"
"Only if you're prepared for another hour-long answer," she retorted, grimacing over at him, and trying to remember to keep her answers on topic this time. "Shoot."
"Do you love him?" His voice was strangely vulnerable in that moment and she had the distinct feeling that the question mattered more than she could even begin to realize.
She stared at him, not having expected that followup to her long monologue, but somehow knowing that he wasn't asking her if she loved Chat in a friendly way. Her mind started whirring, trying to figure out how one was supposed to respond when your one crush asked you about your feelings for your other crush.
Yes, is too simple an answer, but No isn't true either.
"Well," she hedged, trying to phrase her response specifically. "There's been this...other guy for years that I've had a crush on, but then Chat just has a way of creeping into your heart." She laid her head back again and looked at the ceiling, focusing on the blank canvas instead of his soul-searching green eyes. "I've loved them both for a while now, and my heart just can't seem to decide."
Concentrating on finding hidden patterns in the light blanketing the ceiling, she made her decision. This conversation hadn't been planned, but it was now or never. She got up suddenly and transformed, knowing her next words were long overdue, but not being brave enough to stick around for the aftermath.
Ladybug turned and looked directly at Adrien who seemed startled by her transformation but didn't say a word.
"Two years, actually. I've loved them both for almost two years now," she admitted, breaking eye contact and turning to walk towards the window. "I met both of them on the first day of lycee."
"My first day?" Adrien stood up too and followed her as she opened the window. She could tell he hadn't quite put it together yet, so she tried for a more straightforward approach.
"Yeah," she turned and looked at him. "You and Chat, on the same day. That's another reason I haven't told him who I am. If I knew his face behind the mask, then I'd have to make a real choice- you or Chat-and I don't know if I'm ready. It's not fair, but I love you both." She gave a little shrug and watched as her words registered in Adrien's mind.
"Me-Me? Adrien-me?" He looked wide-eyed at her and she giggled just a bit.
"Yes, Adrien. You." Following some instinct, she leaned over and kissed his cheek. "But that's for me to figure out. Thanks for everything."
She gave him one last smile before she disappeared through the window and out into the night, leaving Adrien staring after her until the chill snapped him back to reality and he latched it shut.
"Me?" He whispered to his reflection in the glass.