Welcome to my little den o' insanity.

I spent a lot of time reading fan fiction before I ever posted but I don't claim to be an expert of anything. Feel free to give me advice if you see something as I have a pretty thick skin and since its not face to face, well, that just makes it easier to deal. Anywho, now follows the long list of random material I feel like chatting about; read at your own peril!!

P.S. Not to seem needy but if anyone wants to do something with my oneshots feel free, just let me know you're doing it so I can read and enjoy your work, thank you. Send me omakes! I wanna see what you guys think. Pretty please with a cherry on top?

Quotes: Just that funny or meaningful?

"Opportunity knocks, coincidence breaks down the door." -Can't remember the source for this one

"Kill one to warn a hundred" -Chinese proverb

"Things can't possibly get worse." -World's stupidest thing to say in a bad situation

"When in doubt, burn it." -Adventuring common sense

"Orphans. I f@#king hate orphans!" -Vlad, Champion of Death, Forgotten Realms adventuring campaign (Which I don't own)

"Dude. Your necromancer just got killed by a little girl with a rake. After he got away from the angry mob." -One Dungeons and Dragons player to another (Don't own that)

"That's BS. Spontaneous real-life musical do too happen. Hell, it happened just last week. I think we sang 'What Can You do With a Drunken Sailor." -Said inside the Urban Vikings Gaming Center (My friend owns that one, the center not the song)

"Do I even want to know why hes under the table?" -Jerry Hall, owner of the Urban Vikings Gaming Center

"RUN!!" -Shouted in panic at every Fourth of July fireworks display I've ever worked on

"Two people can keep a secret if one of them is dead." -Folklore advice

"Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the gun." -Ash, Army of Darkness

"Money is the root of all evil and man needs roots." -Fortune cookie

"If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trapdoor." -Paul Beatly

"Its not overkill, its making d@&n sure." -Cannot recall the source for this one

"In the Grinder of War, 'Team' is just 'Meat' mislabeled" -Unknown

"Eh. Slave labor; you get what you pay for." -Lisa Simpson

"Though I walk through the Shadow of the Valley of Death I will fear no evil, fore I am the Baddest motherfu@&er in the Valley." -JMD-009's fanfic 'Divided We Stand'

"I'm not a pyromaniac, I'm a pyromancer. See, I've got the T-shirt to prove it!" -Me explaining why I bought 600 plus dollars worth of fireworks and cannon wick

"I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every moment of it!" -A t-shirt

"Is it finally dead?" "That depends on what you mean by dead. Dead as in you killed it or dead as in its gonna to actually stay dead." -Don't ask...just, don't ask

"I could never be a racist; stupidity knows no bounds, wether it be race, religion, or border." -Me

"You'd never think you would end up hating free money til the day you try to spend that 100 bill your uncle gave you, which turns out counterfeit...in front of a cop." -Name withheld

"You know you've been a bastard when any of the following sends your friends running; err run, ignite, wick, detonate, just a teensy tiny, Spades, area of effect, and oops!" -Why no one lets me hold the bomb

"You've gone to a sick place when you call a lynching a party with a still-kicking pinata." -Me, in response to a friends comment

"War is an ugly, often necessary Art that does horrible things to those that Master its intricacies." -A thought

"Whoo! Absinthe and rum and I feel good now that my eyes stopped watering! Hey, where'd I'd leave my chair...chair?" -Me at a friends birthday party, 'grin' I had fun

"He on fire?" "Looks like. There it went, guess he didn't get much gas on himself. Beer me." -Overheard at same party while trying to play drunk euchre

"The problem with thin lines is that the thinner the line the deeper it ends up cutting you when you slip." -I had this thought while watching a movie after being awake for over 48 hours

"My little friend here wants a drinky drink! Bwa-hahahaha!" -Louie, from the anime Rune Soldier

"If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with bullshit!" -A bumper sticker I liked

"My soul is weary and my spirit dim; but a razor's blade still lurks within me. My death comes on swift wings but I shall not fly alone." -Vaguely remembered quote from a old book

"The difference between ignorance and stupidity is exposure to a subject; too bad you're both." -Too much/little as a villainous taunt?

"The leading cause of death; second hand stupidity." -Merrill of Rune Soldier

"I can picture in my mind's eye a world without war, a world without hate, and I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it"- Jack Handy

"The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese." -Another t-shirt

"As a very wise man once said, there's no such thing as 'overkill,' only 'open fire' and 'I need to reload.'" -The Nighthawk Chronicles, by fanfic author Cyclone

"A clever man holds his tongue when others think him a fool instead of opening his mouth and removing all doubt." -I can't remember where this one came from, high school reading I think

"Everyone uses the chess metaphor for manipulating people but it's so bland, unoriginal, so...inaccurate. A man, no matter how well you know him, does not ALWAYS act as you think. Manipulation is more like being a coach for a professional sports team. You sit on the sidelines with your book of power plays and strategy's, whispering into a microphone to make your players do what you want them to while trying to confuse your rival coach. But despite all your tactical brilliance every now and then some moron does something completely foolish and random and the next thing you know you're hoping up and down screaming in rage at the SNAFU forming on the field while the fans riot and bay for your blood. The Human will never allow itself to be ignored no matter how hard you try." -A thought that came to me, believe it or not, on the toilet.

"Genius is not having one good idea; even a pack of monkeys with typewriters eventually comes up with something! No, genius is having a portfolio of good ideas and being able to use them." -Chris Reynolds

"Why is it that evil villains are always surprised when they find out that their minions are stupid, incompetent, or foolishly treacherous? If they were smart enough to get things done on their own they would have become villains themselves!" -The first thing that came to mind when I saw yet another 'you're-all-useless-morons!' rant by a super-villain

"You're my brother. I love you and I'll post your bail, but you're the one who's going to have to explain this one to mom." -Me to my younger brother

"Damnit, Boots, I'm a doctor not a priest! Clear!!" -Doc, from Area 52 during a medical emergency

"Ok, that was two mistakes; yours and mine." -Archangel, of the X-men cartoon series.

"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain." -Lily Tomlin

"If I have to go to jail for protecting the virtue of my daughter, it will be for something so gory, abominable, and atrocious, they reinstate the death penalty." -Enter the Dragon, by Doghead Thirteen

“I believe there is someone out there for everybody, and sometimes there’s two. That’s what I call hitting the jackpot.” -Jiriaya, Naruto: Demon's Path, by Scribe of the Apocalypse

"The question isn't why is he running; the real question is, should you?" -I do not recall where I heard this one

"Talent knows what to do; tact knows when and how to do it." -A fortune cookie I liked

"There are three rules for writing a novel; unfortunately, no one knows what they are." -Somerset Maugham

"Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you." -C.G. Jung

"We have more to fear from the bungling of the incompetent than the machinations of the wicked." -I saw this and immediately thought of the popular concept of an 'Evil Dumbledore'; he's just senile!

"The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be." -Lao Tzu; I can't decide just how accurate this one is

"Heaven has no rage like Love to Hatred turned, Nor Hell a Fury like a woman scorned." -William Congreve

"Into the breach, meat-bags. Or not. Ehh, whatever." -Bender, of Futurama

"I can always tell when you've been drinking. You start getting touchy-feelly and huggy. Your drunk when you start lifting people the ground when you hug them." -My buddy Wesley to me.

"Never trust anything you can eat." -A draconian proverb

"I make it a point of fact to never piss off anyone who handles my health, my wealth, or my food; it's never worth it." -My response when asked my why I always use please and thank you at fast food places.

"Fate is Fickle, Destiny is Insane, and Karma is a Bitch. Shut up and get to work." -Itachi Uchiha, from the fanfic Aria of the Moonless Night by Hector Enix

"Close only counts in horseshoes and hand-grenades." -Who knows where this one came from.

"Enjoy life! It is better to be happy than wise." -Fortune cookie

"An optimist is one who makes the best of it when they get the worst of it." -Fortune cookie

"No guts no glory - No brakes!!" -Diggs, from Cats and Dogs: Revenge of Kitty Galore.

"Why don't you shut up before I slit your throat and watch the dust come out!" -Caretaker, the Longest Yard

"Who are you people, what are you people...who moved the rock?" -Police officer from Addams Family Values

"Yes, I am a dreamer. For a dreamer is one who can find his way by moonlight, and see the dawn before the rest of the world." - Oscar Wilde

"Never! I shall show you how the deed is done. I shall lead you to the fields of Elysium, and toss away the plaque which reads, 'tread not upon the grass'!" -Luccio, The Council of Blades by Paul Kidd

"If you don't enjoy what you have, how could you be happier with more?" -Fortune cookie

"Misery is my Sheppard, Perfection his crook." -Me on a ride home, no clue why

"It's mileages, not time, and I'm driving on flat tires." -Me

"Smile at your enemies; it makes them paranoid." -Unknown

"Maybe, but when a pick-pocket comes to town, all he sees is pockets, just saying." -Wesley Dryden.

"A gravedigger is the last one to let you down." -A co-worker's uncle

"Only those who attempt the absurd can achieve the impossible." -Fortune cookie

"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring." -Marilyn Monroe

"I never thought I would say these words;" Coulson said, "the squirrel is a bad influence." -Siblings, Spiders, and Squirrels, Oh my!, Pandoras-Closet

"I regret this...but not enough to never do it again." -Me