Naruto: Smoke and Dagger

-I own nothing-

-x(X)x-

(AN: At the bottom, I have a thing explaining how this Naruto was created and who he's based on)

Naruto walked into a small hotel room that was a small kitchen/bedroom thing and threw his belt on the bed against the wall. It had been a day since he left Wave and ran across the water towards the mainland. Wave was a lot closer to the other countries than it was Mist; it only took a couple hours to run it.

But he problem was that now Konoha would probably send people to bring him back. He could imagine the council screaming, 'The demon it alive, it must die' over and over again. But the good news was that he would have some time before they tracked him down, meaning that he had time to: A) Run, B) Hide, or C) Find the team searching for him and make this the hardest mission they ever dealt with. Given the choices he was really leaning towards the last one.

He had the advantage of being able to scope the town out and setting things up before hand. He was also better than most ANBU in the stealth department meaning that if he wanted, he could get real close and fuck with them. Kami knows that he needed to have some fun that didn't risk catching VD.

Going through his scroll pouch, he opened one with dark green edges and unsealed it on top of the cheap dresser beside the door leading to the small bathroom. He took a deep breath as the sealing smoke cleared revealing a pair of potted pot plants and a small set of seedlings.

"Hello my beautiful flowers… my, my you've grown real big and strong, yes you have."

The crow perched on top of the TV cocked her head to the side with a caw.

Naruto turned and looked at her, "What, don't look at me like that, talking to plants helps them grow," he said to the bird like it was stupid before turning back to the plants. "And I'm going to roll you up and smoke you, yes I am, yes I… Ok now this is fucked up,"

He started watering the younger one before setting it aside and going to the older one. This one was a couple weeks older and had been treated so that he wouldn't have to deal with the seeds, just good dope. They were already starting to wither and die, meaning that it was time to harvest and dry them for later use. He had built a drying box inside another scroll so he backed away from the small forest on the dresser and retrieved it.

It was constructed from an orange crate with fiberglass insulated walls, vents in the tops, and screen shelves to hold the leaves while a heat source was kept behind another screen.

But being slightly impatient when it came to this stuff, he put only part of it into the box before sealing it away, keeping a smaller amount to be cured quicker in the small toaster he saw on the counter.

-X-

A week later…

Sarutobi sat at his desk in his office, reading over the mission scroll that he was going to give team seven, eight, and ten. He had planned on sending team nine but they were already gone for the next few weeks, returning just a few days before the exams.

Kakashi and his team had just returned a day before and he had already sent an ANBU to find Kakashi, Kurenai, and Asuma to bring to his office to tell them about the mission. He had also sent for someone to bring in Anko, he still had to punish her for breaking a civilians arms and legs so he planned on sending her too, especially after reading the report from Kakashi about Naruto and his feelings toward the village.

Kakashi also filled out a paper on what he had learned about Naruto for him and helped one of the facial artist's sketch a accurate drawing of him. Once Jiraiya showed up again, he planned to just a copy of the papers to him incase the group failed to bring Naruto home so his spy network would have a better chance at tracking him.

He picked up his pipe and gave a small laugh, from what Kakashi had written, Naruto was a smoker too. While he didn't condone the nasty habit he had to admit, it made him feel slightly closer to the boy he thought of as family. It practically made him fit in with the rest of the Sarutobi clan, seeing as nearly all the men of the small clan smoked. Even his distant sister's son owned a large tobacco farm and sold much of it to the village for a cheaper price.

A knock on the door alerted him to the arrival of the ninjas, "Come in,"

As the four walked in with matching expressions of confusion, he cleared his throat, "No doubt you are wondering why I've called you all in. Kurenai, Asuma, Kakashi, you three will be taking your teams out on a mission to find someone and bring him back to the village."

Anko blinked, "Then why an I here?"

Sarutobi gave her a look, "Because you broke a civilians limbs, you will be going with them as punishment."

"What!" Anko groaned, "I have to go on a trip with immature brats"

He nodded.

She frowned, "But look at them!" she said pointing to Kakashi and Asuma, "Ones a pervert and the other smells like a high-school bathroom,"

At this the others sweatdropped, thinking that she had been talking about their students.

"Anko, it's this or be the mans personal nurse. Pick one." The older man said while crossing his arms.

Anko accepted the mission and grumbled, "Well at least I have Nai-chan with me,"

The Hokage pulled Naruto's rather bare file out and placed it on the edge of his desk, letting Asuma pick it up while he started talking.

"Your mission is to locate Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze, the son of Kushina Uzumaki and Minato Namikaze or better known as, the forth Hokage,"

Anko's eyes widened, "That little brat was the Fourth's kid?"

He nodded, "Yes, but due to the war and Iwa's resentment toward Minato, we had to hide the fact that he was a Namikaze."

The two women snatched the file from Asuma and saw the sketch of Naruto staring back emotionless with his one eye. Both found him to be handsome in a rugged and wild sort of way, Anko found herself thinking that had she known he'd end up this good looking she would have claimed him years ago, fuck the laws about age.

"Kakashi and his team had a run in with him in Wave during their mission and he was able to give me some information on him which is written in that report. Feel free to take it with you since it's a copy but don't lose it or let anyone else read it that isn't a part of the mission. I want you all to gather your team and leave as soon as possible."

-X-

Naruto sat on the toilet in the small bathroom with the fan running. Whipping the sweat from his forehead he leaned over to the sink right beside him and got back to work on another set of bombs just for the Konoha ninjas.

"Damn it's so fucking hot in here!" he moaned while cracking the door and letting in a small breeze.

Normally he would make bombs in a comfortable setting but with had he was using, he wanted to make sure he didn't mess anything up that he'd have to pay for. The idea was to humiliate and embarrass the target, not maim and kill. He was using a small explosive, similar to a large firecracker, inside a larger casing surrounded by another powder hat would be thrown everywhere went it went off.

He had spent the whole week going around the town and finding good places to lead them on a merry chase before leaving them stumped, or bruised and bloody if he decided to trick them into jumping into the hot-springs.

Pouring in a large amount of white powder into the thin metal ball, Naruto sealed them up and pulled out a can of white spray paint and a stencil and began to spray them, using the fan to suck out the fumes.

-X-

Teams seven, eight, and ten met at he gates early the next morning and met their sensei's and Anko, even Kakashi was there on time which surprised Sakura and Sasuke while Sai gave him a raised eyebrow. After explaining to them that this was a joint mission that they would explain to them when they made camp, they all started to tree hop towards one of the coastal towns to uncover some clues.

After hours of hopping, the genin were all red faced and tired while the jounin were only a little winded. Deciding that they had covered enough ground, they decided to rest and have lunch since most of them had only eaten a small breakfast

Chouji plopped his big ass down beside Shikamaru with a sigh and started munching on a bag of chips while his friend leaned back and watched the clouds through the trees. Ino and Sakura ate and watched and Sasuke brood while eating a meal he had packed with hearts in their eyes while Anko watched with a disgusted look on her face. Her hand slipped towards her kunai pouch but didn't make it as Kurenai popped the back of her head, already knowing what she was thinking.

"Oh come on Nai-chan," she whined, "They're fangirls,"

Kurenai popped her in the back of the head again before pulling out a rolled up brown bag from her hip pouch; "I brought you some dango so behave,"

Anko's eyes sparkled and she reached for them only to have Kurenai snatch them away, "Hey!"

"Promise to behave," The red eyed beauty demanded making Anko promise with a pout.

Kiba walked over and sat beside Chouji with a sandwich while his puppy slept inside his coat.

Akamaru poked his head out and sniffed.

"What's up buddy?" Kiba asked seeing him sniff the air excitedly.

I smell cookies!

"Traitor!" Kiba yelled in the background but was ignored.

Hinata gave him a small smile and reached into her lunch bag, pulled out a chocolate chip cookie and gave it to him before pulling out a riceball and a thermos of tea, which she shared with Kurenai.

Shino was silent as he sat beside Hinata, probably the only female friend that didn't think he was gross because of his bloodline. But even though she didn't think he was gross didn't mean he was attracted to her, truth be told he wasn't completely sure if he liked girls… something that frightened him.

Kakashi was reading… no surprise there, and Asuma was eating an energy bar.

During the break, the sensei's and Anko talked, deciding to camp there and teach their student's a little something.

"Ok everyone," Kurenai called, getting everyone's attention, "We've talked and decided that since everyone is able to do the tree climbing exercise, we are going to teach you the next step, Water walking."

-X-

Mei looked down at her student as she tried to do push ups, "Come on Tira-chan, you have to complete this set before you stop,"

Tira's arms shook and burned as she strained to lift herself up, "Sensei… this… would be easier if… you… got off my back," she gasped out with swear running down her face.

Mei crossed her arms as she stood on her back; "It's training, its not meant to be easy. Now do one more and you can rest," she said while Tira's pet crow stood on her shoulder, looking down at Tira while she was working out.

Her training schedule was simple. Wake up early, eat a light breakfast, study or help Mei until she finished with the small amount of paperwork she had to do daily, workout, eat lunch and take a short break. After that, they would practice any jutsu she learned the day before until she had it down pact or work on her taijutsu for a few hours. Then she would have a few hours to do what she wanted until after dinner where Mai had her sit down and read.

It wasn't to say that Mei kept her busy all the time, giving her only a few hours a day to do what she wanted. Every other day she didn't have to work out as not to stress her muscles too much and sparring was replaced with stealth training, which she made entertaining. After showing her how, she would test her, making her sneak around and cause mischief before returning without being caught.

Tira pushed herself up with a triumphant yell, before crashing to the ground panting.

"Good job Tira," Mei congratulated while stepping off her back and putting her high heels on, "Now get up and let's go get some lunch."

Tira grunted, her crow flying over and landing on her back and pecking her head, "Ok, ok, I'm getting up." She groaned before pushing herself off the ground.

-X-

Naruto lay back in a lawn chair on the roof of another, more high-class hotel with one of those reflective thing people used to sunbathe. Beside him was a cold glass of sake and an ashtray sitting on a low table that he didn't have to reach too far. Unlike the other, cheaper hotel that he was hiding out in, this one had a pool on the roof… a pool which had a number of attractive women swimming, tanning, and just being sexy in their bathing suits. Sure there were a few guys acting like dumb-asses trying to impress the girls but he could deal with it. Besides, not everyone could just wear a swimsuit like him and not do anything to attract the attention of the fairer sex.

Reaching over, he grabbed his drink and took a sip of it before leaning back again and relaxing. Seemingly ignorant to the hungry gazes some of the women gave him and the jealous looks that the men gave him.

"Hey mister?"

Naruto opened his eye and looked over, cursing the fact that he had to have an eye patch, forcing him to move his whole body. Finding the owner he saw a young boy standing on the heels of his feet with his arms behind his back.

"What is it kid?" the blond asked, not trying to sound mean, after all, women loved men who were good with kids.

Behind the child, an older woman started to look around frantically before seeing her son standing there talking to a stranger, an admittedly good looking stranger, but a stranger nonetheless.

"What's that you got over your eye?" the boy asked innocently just in time for his mother to grab him.

After a quick verbal whopping, she looked to Naruto, "I'm sorry, I take my eye off him for one minute and he gets into all sorts of trouble."

Naruto smiled at her, "Oh it's ok, it's a fair question so I'll answer it," he said before looking at the boy, "This is a eye-patch, when something happens to someone's eye they wear one,"

The boy's mother wasn't quick enough to stop the next question, "What happened to yours,"

Naruto smirked, "I lost it."

"How?"

Narutos grin got bigger, "I don't know, I took it out and must have misplaced it somewhere. If you find it, please give it back."

The child giggled; "Cool!" he cheered before his mother was able to drag him away.

Naruto shook his head at them and lay back again, nursing his drink every now and then.

-X-

The genin were all a little winded but held their heads high after completing the water-walking exercise to their sensei's expectations. Of course, Hinata got it off the bat, having been training in the Hyuuga style that needed good chakra control and Shino was right behind her, having been trained in chakra control by his father.

Kiba once again found himself alone once Hinata finished first because Akamaru left him to go sleep in Hinata's lap, which made him slightly jealous of his partner.

But all things aside, after a little light sparing, with Hinata showing her dominance once again in taijutsu against Ino and Sakura, the sensei's decided to brief their teams on their mission. Having them sit around the fire which as roasting some fish that they caught from the small pond, using water-walking the help catch them, they brought out the picture of Naruto.

"Ok boys and girls," Kakashi started, being the most experienced meant that he would have to be the one to brief them, "The Hokage sent us on a joint mission to search for, and return a person to the village. Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze, my team should remember him from the bridge in Wave."

Sakura gasped, "That psychopath?"

Hearing that, Anko smirked, 'I'm liking him more and more every minute,'

"What are you talking about?" Ino asked.

"Just hold on, you can ask later let me finish," Kakashi stated, "Naruto is the only child of Kushina Uzumaki and Minato Namikaze, making him the only heir of the two clans and the son of the Fourth Hokage. If you think back, you might have seen him in your class before he left the village."

"Wait a minute," Kiba blurted, "I remember him, he used to be nearly homeless and pulled all sorts of pranks, leading ANBU on wild chases through the village for hours. If he was the Fourth's son then why was he treated so bad?"

"The Fourth had many enemies and since he was the only child born on the day of the Kyuubi attack, everyone just took it out on him since they couldn't vent their anger and sadness on anything else. Only a few people knew and my father was one of them" Asuma added, knowing the truth but leaving parts out.

"So if Hokage-sama knew, then why or how did Naruto leave the village?" Kiba questioned something that everyone else wanted to know.

Kurenai handed the picture of Naruto to Shino who passed it around.

Kakashi sighed, "On his seventh birthday, an ANBU would normally watch over him to make sure he wasn't attacked. I normally did it but wanted to go pay my respects to my sensei, his father, who, as you should know, died the day Naruto was born. An ANBU under my command offered to take my place and I left Naruto in his care. I only found out the next day that the ANBU tried to kill Naruto and cut out his left eye. That is the reason I was demoted to Jounin and the reason he threatened me in Wave when I wanted to talk to him."

"Anyway," Kurenai started, "From what I've read, Naruto doesn't like Konoha too much and will probably have a problem with being brought back to the village. We aren't sure of his skills only that he used an array of bombs that needed fuses unlike paper bombs, a pair of machetes, and was able to use some strange trick with a crow that paralyzed a man when it landed on him."

"Alright, it's getting late," Asuma yawned, "Why don't we get some sleep, we should reach the first coastal town tomorrow afternoon if we get up early and run."

-X-

Tira sat down with her sensei in her living room, having moved in with her and her niece who was sleeping over with a friend at the time. Mei told her that she didn't have to read anything jutsu related as long as she read something, it could be a picture book, magazine, a sappy romance like what she was reading, anything. So with the freedom to choose, she picked a fashion magazine at random which introduced her to make-up, hairstyles, and 'way's to please your man'.

In her mind she saw herself doing what the magazine said with Naruto and blushed.

Mei on the other hand had reached the sex scene in the book and was thinking similar thoughts.

(AN: Take a look at them books, It's real Icha-Icha just not as horny.)

-X-

On the roof of the hotel, the sun was setting but the party was only just starting. Naruto, who was nicely tanned, found himself in the water with a girl just a few years older than him on his shoulders playing chicken. The civilian schools were out for spring break, meaning that the village was flooded with teens that wanted to go to the beach that the village was built by and party.

Using chakra to keep his footing, he and the random girl won the game, the rest of the partygoers clueless that he was using chakra to cheat.

"SAKE BONG!" the crowded cheered, chanting 'GO, GO, GO' as they watched a young man quickly drink, choking on it after a minute.

Naruto got out of the pool and took his place, making the crowed whoop and holler as he drank four bottles before stopping and threw his fast in the air with a smirk.

Naruto walked away as another tried to do the same as him but failed, he felt only a little tipsy before the Kyuubi burned the sake out of his system. The party was going strong for hours and soon enough people from a TV channel were filming the party, it was called MTV Spring break or something like that. As the cameras rolled, some of the drunker girls thought it was a good idea to jump on the bar and take their tops off.

Naruto wasn't complaining he pumped his fist in the air along with the others, laughed, and cheered.

But soon enough, both he and the Kyuubi were drunk, seemed that the fox didn't burn the Sake from his system, just took it into itself and got drunk. But soon enough, the fox was in a buzzed sleep, Naruto was drunk as hell, and the woman who was had been hosting the show was in for one hell of a night at her hotel. He and the fox would wake up shit faced in the morning, and she would wake up finding it nearly impossible to walk.

-X-

The next morning proved to be a real pain in the neck for Naruto, having been woken up by a bright ray of light to the face, which jumpstarted a head ache from hell, he rolled out of the bed. Standing up and popping his back, the blonde looked down to find himself nude with his junk hanging in the breeze from the slightly opened window.

Getting dressed he picked the sheet up off the floor and wrapped the woman back up before jumping from the window, only to trip on the ledge and fall in the alleyway below as the sun blinded him.

Naruto lay on the ground with a sigh, 'Today's not going to be a good day,'

Pushing his self up off the ground, he dusted himself off and looked up to the second story window he fell from before leaping away, intent on going back to his own place to sleep off his hangover.

-X-

Just as Asuma had predicted, they were able to reach the first town just a little before lunch only to find that their search would be a little tougher.

"Woah,"

Kurenai slapped her forehead, "I totally forgot spring break was this week," she moaned.

"What's spring break?" Ino asked.

"Spring break is a week long vacation that civilians schools have, most teens usually flood the coastal towns and party the week away… hey where's Anko?" Kurenai explained before looking out towards the village, only to see Anko practically skipping towards the town screaming about parties

"ANKO!" The red eyed jounin yelled, "GET OUR ASS BACK HERE!" but it was too late, Anko had already turned a corner and was out of sight.

"Kami damn it" Kurenai growled before turning towards the genin and other two jounin, "You go search the town for clues, I'm going to get Anko,"

They nodded fearfully and watched as Kurenai chased after her friend.

"W-wow, Kurenai-sensei is s-scary when she's mad," Kiba stuttered fearfully.

Kakashi and Asuma nodded, "You don't know the half of it, you should see both her and Anko get pissed," Asuma told him, "Now come on, lets go ask around."

-X-

"Hahaha, party! I'm gonna drink, eat dango, and show these little civilians how a real woman does it"

Naruto groaned and pulled the blanket over his head along with the pillow to block out the annoyingly loud voice from out side. After a second, all was quite once more and Naruto was able to give a sigh of relief. Curling up in a ball, he got comfortable again and slowly drifted back off to-

"ANKO GET BACK HERE!"

Burying his head into the pillow, Naruto cried as his headache continued to pound inside his skull.

-X-

After a few hours, the search team gathered just outside of town where they were planning on camping since all the inns and hotels were full. The guys winced at the sight of Anko's bright red ears from where Kurenai had pulled her back to the group and were too afraid to laugh since Kiba nearly took a kunai to the balls when he snickered.

"Well, there's some good news at least." Asuma stated while they set up their tents. "I showed the picture around and a few of the townspeople confirmed that he's here, some even saw him at a party getting wasted."

"That's good, he's probably too hung-over from drinking and doesn't even know were here," Shikamaru suggested while he helped Chouji set up their 'troublesome' tent.

"Then this will be easy, just find him and bring him back while he's out." Ino said simply while helping set up the tent she, Hinata, and Sakura would be sharing. "Heck, if we go on and find out where he is, we could go get him now and tie him up before going back home."

Kakashi looked up and sighed, "Suddenly, I feel like this will be harder than we thought,"

"What do you mean?"

Kakashi nodded up towards a tree and they saw a crow perched on the limp, watching them with mix matched eyes.

"Shit!" Asuma cursed, turning to the bird and spooking it, making it fly away, "Damn it, now Naruto will know we're here,"

"Maybe, but you said it yourself sensei," Shikamaru told him, "I don't know many sixteen year-olds that feel like running after getting wasted, we still have a chance that he's probably blacked out or dead asleep."

-X-

Laying on his bed, Naruto finally found himself snoozing, the pain from his head ache faded to black as he went into a dreamless sleep.

Through his slightly opened window came his crow, landing on the ledge and squeezing through the crack before hopping over to the bed, flapping her wings to get further until she landed on his covered shoulder.

-Squawk-

Naruto murmured something and rolled his shoulder, forcing her to hop to the edge of his pillow with her beak right next to his ear. She nipped a few times but when he swatted at her, she squawked then bit into his ear with a look of fury in her eyes.

"SON OF A BIIITTTCH!"

-X-

To be continued...

-X-

This story and Naruto has gone through many changes. At first, this was a crossover with Naruto and Onimusha: Dawn of Dreams, I based him around Jubbi's(?) Uncle who had an eye-patch and used crows. But after six-thousand words, I just couldn't continue it and, after cutting almost four-thousand-five-hundred off, I continued it to be a NarutoXBioshock story. Sadly, I didn't have enough information to keep it flowing and ended up changing again but unlike the first, I didn't have to change much as it didn't show any powers, only that he lost his eye and smoked. I erased the name and was going to continue it as something else but I was stumped, I hate having to throw away a paper with more then two thousand words and was already feeling the ache of the first edit.

So I stopped writing and started reading, researching, and playing games for awhile, hoping to find some inspiration. Then I had an idea, why not take one of the overly used plots of, 'Naruto runs away and the council finds out who his father was then want's him back' and 'Nauto with a bloodline' then adding my own things to it? So my unnamed story was reborn. I looked over the story and figured that since he smoked, why not use it? That's when I remembered a guy from Metel Gear Acid 2 who used bombs, mines, and breathed rainbow-like smoke that he used to confuse and control a target.

So I thought I had a good base I had to figure out the details, I didn't want Naruto to be a normal chakra dependent ninja, I hardly wanted him to be a ninja but decided to make him a very... unorthodox Ninja/Bandit since a Samurai had too many morals, Thieves were too greedy and rat-like, and to be a Yakuza he would have to be at the beck and call of Boss or be a Boss which brought too much attention.

You notice that I put, Ninja/Bandit and are probably thinking, isn't a theif the same thing as a bandit? Well in most cases yes, but to me a thief is someone who breaks into homes, steals purses, mugs people, and so on but a Bandit is more refined and will do big jobs like knocking off a shipment of jewels or gold from rich and greedy snobs. I wanted Naruto to have morals and feelings, like one of my reviews said 'He's kind, but to the right people,'. Personally, I despise people who think their better than everyone else, that's why I say, 'the only good Uchiha is a dead one,' and to show that Naruto isn't like that, I had Tira come into the picture.

Sorry, let me get back to what I was doing.

But even though I based Naruto on that guy I also wanted to keep the crow idea but had no clue how to use it so it isn't in the way. I was about to scrap it but I got my hands on Metal Gear, The Twin Snakes.(The one of Gamecube that had updated graphics) (And don't say shit to be about it, I love Metal Gear and got it because I wanted to play them all. Also have you noticed that Metal Gear games have cool endings?) Anyway, I played it, saw how Raven used his crows and decided to have Naruto do the same.

Then finally I thought about weapons, I didn't want to use normal, run of the mill ninja weapons like paper bombs. I watched that Deadliest warrior with the Irish army guys and always wanted to have Naruto use the pipe bomb full of nails without it seeming too random and decided not to have Naruto use paper bombs at all, he would use bombs that he makes himself which would be more diverse than normal explosive notes. As for a sword, I didn't want to use a ninja sword and was about to just say 'screw it' since he had all these other weapons and just give him a switchblade or two to use but then I saw on the history channel where a gang would use a machete to kill rival gang members in NY. I found that Naruto wielding a pair of machetes was the best choice because it was short enough to wield one handed and unlike a sword make to cut and slice, a machete was made to clear dense jungle. Imagine swinging something made to cut through thick vines and small trees at someones neck or limbs.

I think that' all I have to say right now about how this Naruto was created, it was nice to explain my views and work, if you have any questions please ask, I love reading my reviews, especially long ones.

But their was one last thing I've been meaning to put up here, It's more of a crack-godlike-bloodline idea that could control the Naruto Universe in it's entirety.

TheRyoku-no-Sakka, The Power of the Author. An extremely rare bloodline, rarer than whatever little bloodline Pein has and more powerful than them all combined. The Ryoku-no-Sakka gives the holder to control the future, past, and present. The only way for a child to be born with it is if the Author of the story to insert himself and impregnate a female, or have a male impregnate her... or if it floats your boat, impregnate a male (Shudder). The child will know everything, have everything, be anything. If he or she wills it, he or she will have a harem of ready and willing whatever he or she wants. The child be be a god more more powerful than the gods. Try and beat that bloodline.